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Month: August 2021 (Page 1 of 2)

It’s ‘total chaos here on the beach’ in Bachelor in Paradise

Cheer up Connor, somewhere out there is a woman who appreciates a man in a romper with a guitar. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Should we be surprised that on a dating show that’s more about lust than love so-called “relationships” were blowing up like firecrackers on the 4th of July/Canada Day/insert national holiday here on Monday’s “Bachelor in Paradise”?

That was a rhetorical question.

OK, it’s perhaps slightly surprising that so many imploded in such a relatively short period of time. But, on the other hand, these people have been hanging out for what? A week? That’s not enough time to start picking out the china pattern let alone declare dating exclusivity.

The cast members were still gossiping about Maurissa’s and Riley’s night in the boom boom room when Chris Conran and Chasen Nick, a.k.a. the Smoke Bros, a.k.a. Tweedledum and Tweedledee, arrived on the hunt for “smoke shows.”

With apologies for the crap quality, ABC didn’t make any photos
of Chasen, left, and Chris available so you’re stuck with this screen grab off my TV.

Despite the fact Chris was barely a blip on Clare Crawley’s “Bachelorette” season, he and Chasen became fast friends, and Chasen’s not the only one that Chris made an impression on. He was on Jessenia Cruz’s list of men she wanted to meet in Paradise, which had lots of people perplexed until a couple of enterprising Twitter users posted a photo of Jessenia and Chris together, looking very friendly, which was apparently taken in May.

That probably also explains why Chris was laser-focused on Jessenia when he and Chasen landed arm-in-arm on the beach with a double date card. Despite Ivan Hall’s insistence that Jessenia only had eyes for him, she agreed to a date with Chris while Chasen settled on Deandra, who’d been paired with Karl.

And it wasn’t just any date the foursome went on; it was one of those cringey sex play dates. In this case, an “intimacy guru” had the women lie down while Chris and Chasen straddled them and blew on their bodies. And then they recreated positions from the “Kama Sutra,” I shit you not.

Apparently Deandra and Jessenia found all this less awkward than everyone watching at home. Before too long, Jessenia and Chris were kissing while sharing strawberries, despite Jessenia continuing to claim that she had a “great” connection with Ivan.

Back at the beach, Jessenia explained to Ivan that their connection was based on him filling boxes, but she had a “spark” with Chris that was lacking with Ivan. Cue Ivan’s sad, lonely walk on the beach and the end of his romance with Jessenia . . . for now.

Karl, meanwhile, tried to woo Deandra back by giving her a Pandora bracelet that he’d bought in Miami, but whatever impression he made with the gift was overshadowed by Chasen acting like a dick. Look, Karl has never been my favourite person, but surely Chasen could have let him have 10 minutes to talk to Deandra without continually interrupting and whining about how he wanted to finish his date.

Men weren’t the only ones behaving like boors.

Demi Burnett finally got to justify her time on the show by doing what she swore to do her first day on the beach: stealing a man.

Mari and Kenny in the proverbial “happier times.”

It all started when Chasen showed some interest in Mari and she decided to tell Kenny, with whom she’d been hanging out since Day 1, that she wanted to date other people — or more precisely that she wanted to “nurture and grow” her relationship with Kenny, but only until someone else asked her on a date.

Can you blame Kenny for thinking that Mari no longer wanted to be exclusive?

When Mari confided in Demi that she might have just fucked things up with Kenny, Demi took advantage of the rift. It wasn’t long before Demi and Kenny were literally sucking face and also, in Kenny’s case, biting lips.

Was it kind of a bitch move on Demi’s part? Sure. But why on earth would Mari tell Kenny she wanted to date someone else when such a date was, at best, days away and, at worst, a purely hypothetical prospect?

Later, Demi plied Kenny with a chocolate cake in honour of his 40th birthday, which he’d celebrated in quarantine, and a piñata full of condoms, interrupting a group discussion about sex and preventing us from learning just how Tre ended up getting laid in a cemetery.

Mari threw the cake in the fire, berated Demi for betraying her and then tried to talk things out with Kenny, but he said they should go their separate ways and his way took him to the boom boom room with Demi.

Like the infomercials say: But wait, there’s more!

Mere moments after Aaron boasted to pals Tre and James about his strong connection with Tammy, Tammy strolled over to a beach bed with Aaron’s “mortal enemy” Thomas and, in full view of Aaron and his friends, straddled and smooched Thomas.

And I haven’t even talked about sad Connor.

Maurissa and Connor before the force that is Riley swept her away.

Connor started his day dressed in his best short set and/or romper and with the hope that he could win Maurissa back by taking her on a DIY date that night. But Maurissa, rather than fess up that she was now with Riley, gave Connor a non-committal “we’ll see.” It was Tahzjuan who told Connor that Riley and Maurissa had spent the night in the boom boom room.

All the drama was apparently too much for Tahz, who screamed into the void and later complained she couldn’t pee or poop.

“It’s total chaos here on the beach tonight,” was how Serena Pitt put it.

Serena managed to avoid the chaos herself, for now anyway.

Sorry, Joe, but you never will be able to live those tights down, especially with those socks.

She and Joe went on a date, which involved having dinner in the middle of a wrestling ring and then putting on capes and pretending to fight until they laid down on the mat and started kissing. Joe said he was “100 per cent in” on Serena and if ex Kendall came to Paradise it wouldn’t matter because “there’s nothing romantic there anymore.” That’s going to be put to the test soon.

Noah and Abigail are still a thing, but we saw also saw a promo of Abigail crying.

And Brendan finally kissed Natasha, but only after Natasha gave him a back massage and, as kisses went, it was pretty tepid. Definitely no lip biting going on there.

The episode ended with the cast preparing for the rose ceremony and Aaron confronting Thomas about being disrespectful by making out with Tammy in front of him, but it was just a conversation, nothing physical. The last we saw was Tammy walking over, possibly to referee, and the ever popular “To be continued.”

There’s another episode tomorrow night. Besides more Aaron, Tammy and Thomas drama and the arrival of Kendall, the promo showed ex-Bachelorette Becca Kufrin and her friend Tia Booth hitting the beach and Tia hitting on Kenny.

It will air at 8 p.m. on ABC. If you want to watch via Citytv, you’ll have to catch it on demand or at Citytv.com.

 You can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Watchable Aug. 30-Sept 5, 2021

SHOW OF THE WEEK: Only Murders in the Building (Aug. 31, Disney Plus)

Neighbours Mabel, Oliver and Charles (Selena Gomez, Martin Short and Steve Martin)
in “Only Murders in the Building.” PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Blankenhorn/Hulu)

You’d already have most viewers at “Steve Martin and Martin Short in a TV comedy together,” but throw in Selena Gomez as a sarcastic third wheel, a grand old New York apartment building as a setting and an actual mystery to be solved, and you have the delightful “Only Murders in the Building.”

The septuagenarians and their 30-something neighbour form an unlikely trio when a fire alarm drives them out of their Beaux-Arts building and into a bar where they discover their shared passion for a certain true crime podcast.

Charles (Martin) is an actor who’s coasting on his fame from a decades-old detective drama. Oliver (Short) is an off-off-off-off-off Broadway director who’s still gunning for Great White Way glory. Mabel (Gomez) is an aspiring interior designer from a humble Long Island neighbourhood who’s staying in her aunt’s apartment.

When the young man they all saw in the elevator just an hour before turns up dead in his ninth-floor apartment, the “true crime nuts” band together to figure out who killed him, turning their hunt into a podcast at the urging of Oliver with the name “Only Murders in the Building” — as in they’ll only investigate crimes that happen in their building.

All three are personally and professionally adrift for various reasons and the podcast gives them a sense of purpose and the connection they’ve been missing. The fronts they’ve all put up — Charles’s reserve, Oliver’s preening and Mabel’s ironic detachment — start to crumble as they begin to care about each other. And we begin to care right along with them.

Martin and Short, having appeared together in beloved films like “Three Amigos” and “Father of the Bride,” as well as their 2018 Netflix comedy special, have their characters and their prickly relationship down pat, but Gomez holds her own against the two legends.

She even gets some of the best lines. When Oliver explains that he keeps his door unlocked to be neighbourly, Mabel quips, “A murderer probably lives in the building, but I guess old white guys are only afraid of colon cancer and societal change.”

As the trio follows clues to what looks like a viable solution to the mystery, they get a skeptical police detective (Da’Vine Joy Randolph) on side, but a twist at the end of Episode 8 — which is as far as I was given access to — makes it clear the killer is still on the loose and our amateur criminologists are at risk.

The 10-episode series was created by Martin and Brooklyn-born actor and screenwriter John Hoffman (“Grace and Frankie”), with Dan Fogelman (“This Is Us”) executive-producing.

The supporting cast is also nothing to sneeze at, including some real-life New York habitués like Nathan Lane, Amy Ryan and Michael Cyril Creighton. Sting appears as himself and there’s another cameo by a high-profile comedy star that I’m not allowed to tell you about.

“Only Murders in the Building” is appealing as a buddy comedy a trois, and as a gentle satire of both New Yorkers and the true crime genre, and at its best when Martin, Short and Gomez are all onscreen, leading us down an entertaining rabbit hole.

Disney Plus also has “The D’Amelio Show” (Sept. 3) about TikTok stars Dixie and Charli D’Amelio and their family.

What We Do in the Shadows (Sept. 2, 10 p.m., FX)

Laszlo (Matt Berry), Nadja (Natasia Demetriou), Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch), Nandor (Kayvan Novak) and Guillermo (Harvey Guillén) in “What We Do in the Shadows.” PHOTO CREDIT: Russ Martin/FX

Vampires, they’re just like us.

Or, at least, the vampires of this Emmy-nominated comedy are human-like enough in the foibles that creator Jemaine Clement and his writers mine for laughs, which is obviously the main appeal of the show.

As Season 3 begins, housemates Nandor (Kayvan Novak), Laszlo (Matt Berry), Nadja (Natasia Demetriou) and Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) have a dilemma: what to do with human familiar Guillermo (Harvey Guillén), who saved their lives at the end of Season 2 by slaying the dozens of vampires who were about to execute them but has now been exposed as a vampire killer.

I don’t think it’s a spoiler to say that Guillermo survives and even gets a promotion of sorts as the Staten Island blood suckers become default rulers of the Vampiric Council for the Eastern Seaboard, seeing as how Guillermo killed off the old ones.

Nandor and Nadja each hope to grab power for themselves — and Nadja, who’s having a smidgen of a feminist awakening, is pleased to become a “working woman” — although Nandor is beginning to wonder if there’s more to eternal life than “mindless killing and bloodlust.” Energy vampire Colin Robinson — who, in a welcome development, has become a more equal member of the household — wants to know where he came from as he turns 100. And Laszlo? He’s keen to explore’s the world’s oldest and largest collection of pornography in the Vampiric Council library.

So no, not everyone is feeling reflective.

I can’t say that the four episodes I was able to review were uniformly hilarious but, three seasons in, I’m invested enough to enjoy watching the world’s least cool vampires and their wannabe companion muddle through.

Wellington Paranormal (Sept. 3, Crave)

Mike Minogue, Maaka Pohatu and Karen O’Leary star “Wellington Paranormal.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Stan Alley/The CW

If the absurdity of “What We Do in the Shadows” tickles your funny bone, you should enjoy this show, which Jemaine Clement and Taika Waititi created as a spinoff of the movie version of “Shadows.”

Lead “Wellington Paranormal” actors Mike Minogue and Karen O’Leary appeared in the film, credited only as “Policeman” and “Policewoman.” Here, they’re the main event as Officer Minogue and Officer O’Leary, put in charge of the newly formed Wellington police paranormal unit.

Minogue considers them the New Zealand version of Mulder and Scully of “The X-Files” — if Mulder and Scully had a habit of routinely overlooking clues.

I’ve only seen the first season — all three seasons to date will be on Crave, while a fourth season is reportedly in post-production — in which Minogue and O’Leary investigate demons, aliens, ghosts, werewolves, vampires and zombies, but it seems the supernatural selection expands in the subsequent instalments.

A particular highlight of the show is their true believer boss, Sgt. Maaka (Maaka Pohatu), who sets up the secret unit in a tiny office hidden behind shelves. The deadpan earnestness with which all three handle investigations and the low-budget nature of the operation, including the sometimes ridiculous looking creatures, is all part of the charm.

Short Takes

Bitchin’: The Sound and the Fury of Rick James (Sept. 3, Crave)

If your only knowledge of funk musician Rick James is the song “Super Freak” and his 1990s assault convictions, you’ll learn some things in this documentary. There’s no question that James, born James Ambrose Johnson Jr. in Buffalo in 1948, had a very dark, misogynistic side, fuelled by rampant cocaine and other drug use, but the doc also makes the case for his unique contribution to Black American music via the “punk funk” style he pioneered. His musical output went way behind “Super Freak,” including the triple platinum album “Street Songs,” but author David Ritz notes that fame “will chew you up and spit you out” if you’re not emotionally well grounded. It caught up with James in 2004 when he died at the age of 56 with nine drugs in his system.

Crave also has the movie “Promising Young Woman,” which won Emerald Fennell (“The Crown”) an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay, dropping on Sept. 3 and the mid-Season 5 premiere of Billions on Sept. 5.

Odds and Ends

Nicholas Galitzine and Camila Cabello in “Cinderella.” PHOTO CREDIT: Christopher Raphael/Amazon

Camila Cabello is the star attraction in a musical remake of “Cinderella” (Sept. 3, Amazon Prime Video), which also stars Billy Porter of “Pose,” who gets bigger billing than the Prince (Nicholas Galitzine) as Fab G, a genderless fairy godparent.

The 2017 documentary “Metric: Dreams So Real” makes its broadcast premiere on Hollywood Suite (Sept. 2, 9 p.m.), capturing a 2016 concert by the Toronto band and kicking off a month of musical programming on the pay TV channel.

Netflix has the documentary series “Turning Point: 9/11 and the War on Terror” (Sept. 1), which examines what led to the terror attacks of Sept. 11, 2001 and how they changed history; Part 5, Volume 1 of the Spanish hit “Money Heist” (Sept. 3); the animated series “Q-Force” (Sept. 2) about an intelligence squad of LGBTQ geniuses; Season 3 of social media reality competition “The Circle” (Sept. 2) and the new series “Sparking Joy” (Aug. 31) if you’re not all Marie Kondo’ed out.

PBS “Masterpiece” has the four-part series “Guilt” (Sept. 5, 9 p.m.), about two Scottish brothers played by two Scottish actors, Mark Bonnar (“Line of Duty,” “Quiz”) and Jamie Sives (“Frontier,” “Game of Thrones”), who kill someone in a hit-and-run and try to cover it up.

On BritBox, the popular detective drama “Vera,” starring Brenda Blethyn, returns for its 11th season on Sept. 1.

NOTE: The listings here are in Eastern Standard Time, and reflect information provided to me and cross-checked where possible, but it’s always best to check listings for your own area. The selection of programs reviewed reflects what I’m given access to by networks and streamers, whether reviews are embargoed, how many shows I have time to watch and my own personal taste.

It’s Riley’s world, Bachelor in Paradise just lives in it

Maurissa Gunn , new guest host Lance Bass and new arrival Riley Christian on “Bachelor in Paradise.” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC

Kaboom boom!

That’s the sound of Connor the Cat’s “relationship” with Maurissa Gunn blowing up on “Bachelor in Paradise.” Meow.

The women were purring from the moment Riley hit the beach in Tuesday night’s episode with his very muscled arms, especially Tahzjuan, who temporarily lost the power of speech. “The man’s arms have their own zip code,” she gushed.

But it was Maurissa whom Riley took on a weird date (more on that later) presided over by new guest host Lance Bass that ended with the pair in the boom boom room. It looks like Connor’s ukulele was no match for Riley’s, um, instrument.

Riley’s wasn’t the only appearance to shake up the beach.

He was preceded by Thomas Jacobs, yes, that Thomas, the one who was run out of Dodge, er, “The Bachelorette,” for committing the sin of admitting he wouldn’t mind being the next Bachelor.

Oh so conveniently, the other guys from his Bachelorette season were talking about Thomas, about his “crazy snake,” “blatantly disrespectful” behaviour, just before he showed up with a date card in hand.

The women didn’t care. It was like blah, blah, blah, Thomas is the devil . . . ooohhh look at his muscles!

Fun fact: Thomas is 6-foot-6. We know this because he told every woman he spoke to and made a big show of how he was afraid he’d smash his face on the palapa they were chatting under because, you know, he’s soooooo tall.

Anyway, when the chats were done he picked Serena Pitt for yet another water sports and making out date. She at least told No-Longer-Owns-a-Grocery-Store Joe she was going, which he said he appreciated, adding, “I hope you have a bad time.”

Despite her fondness for Joe, Serena Pitt went on a date with Thomas Jacobs.

Bad time? Given how much tonsil hockey Serena played with Thomas it couldn’t have been horrible. But at the end of a very long day, during which Joe did little but mope, nap and threaten to go home, Serena returned to Joe. “I told him he should pursue other people,” she said of Thomas. And also, after some prodding, Joe was the better kisser. They snuggled happily on a beach bed.

Alas, things didn’t end so happily for Connor. He kept insisting he was cool with Maurissa going on a date with Riley. Even when she walked onto the beach in an outfit that channelled J.Lo’s 2000 Oscars dress — you know, the one that was cut down to her navel? — and completely bypassed Connor, he told her to have fun.

I don’t know if fun would be the word I would use for the early part of the date. Riley and Maurissa were greeted by Lance Bass, who uncovered plates full of what Maurissa described as “the most disgusting things I have ever seen in my life.” There were pig snouts, there were chicken feet, there were giant tongues, there was tripe.

The deal was Riley and Maurissa had to answer questions posed by Lance or eat whatever he told them to. (As an aside, between this game and Joe’s buff-like headband I was getting “Survivor” vibes on Tuesday night.)

They wouldn’t fess up to how many people they’d slept with but were fine with saying where on their bodies they’d like to be touched or, in Maurissa’s case, that she masturbates every day.

Maurissa and Riley prepare to sample some tongues. Whose or what’s tongues I couldn’t say.

And speaking of being touched, Lance really should have snuck out when Maurissa and Riley started smooching so hard that I wouldn’t have been surprised if they just swept all the offal off the table and had at it. But they did manage to keep their hands mostly to themselves until after dinner, during which they talked about how they wanted to be married with children and how Maurissa had once weighed well over 200 pounds.

After they left the restaurant and continued to kiss passionately outside, Riley whispered, “I know a place we can go” — which made me wonder: is the boom boom room part of the orientation tour? Or did the producers slip a map under one of Riley’s biceps?

Anyway, images of Riley and Maurissa under the covers were cut with images of sad Connor sitting and singing to himself.

As for the other relationships, once Tahz got over her disappointment at not being chosen by her crush Riley, she reconciled with Tre because they like talking to each other, “Mr. Crab” said yes and “he (Tre, not the crab) is 100 per cent a better kisser than his uncle.” Words to live by.

Alas, Natasha didn’t fare so well with Brendan, who claims to like her but hasn’t made out with her yet, which means he is totally waiting for Pieper to hit the beach, or maybe somebody else. I don’t know, we’re not seeing anything to convince us that Brendan isn’t a player.

Also, the men of Katie’s Bachelorette season took Thomas for a “confrontation” that turned out to be nothing more than a group chat, during which Thomas apologized for “every single wrong that I’ve done,” which included lying and time-stealing and acting like his time was more important than theirs.

Obviously we know that’s not the end of it. We have eyes, we’ve seen the promos of him going toe to toe with Aaron.

Tre even shook Thomas’s hand at the end of the talk but later, after he was tipped off that Thomas had described him as “emotionally not strong” to Serena, Tre called Thomas on his “snake bullshit.”

“This is gonna be the last conversation I intentionally have with you.”

Fair enough.

Next week it seems Demi is finally going to fulfill her contractual obligation to stir up shit by putting the moves on Kenny.

You can tune in Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Is fan favourite Brendan a ‘player’ on Bachelor in Paradise?

David Spade fulfills his final guest host duty by talking up the rose ceremony on “Bachelor in Paradise.” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC.

When it comes to “Bachelor in Paradise,” are we not all — in the immortal words of “Goddess” Victoria — minor idiots?

Who among us would have pegged Brendan Morais, the sweet man we fell in love with on Tayshia’s “Bachelorette” season, as this season’s “Paradise” player? That’s right, none of us, or at least none of us who don’t read spoilers.

But Monday night, Brendan was accused of having already connected with Pieper James, a castoff from Matt James’ “Bachelor” season, before hitting the beach — this after leaving Natasha Parker to stew while he went on a date with Demi Burnett. It all seemed a bit Blake Horstmann and his Stagecoach shenanigans.

Then again, the whole being into someone before you come on “BiP” scenario should have sounded familiar to Demi, who did exactly the same thing in Season 6 when she joined the show while pining for girlfriend Kristian Haggerty, who turned up after Demi had already gotten cosy with Derek Peth.

Demi strutted onto the beach in Monday’s episode with a date card and an “I’m the sexy bitch who’s gonna steal your man” attitude — this after telling guest host David Spade that while she’s into both men and women she was looking to date dudes this time.

After commandeering Connor, Kenny (who’s finally put on clothes) and Brendan for chats — as Maurissa, Mari and Natasha watched nervously — Demi took Brendan for a jet-skiing and making out on the beach date.

Brendan Morais and Demi Burnett on the episode’s first — and their last — date.

But when Demi told Brendan she’d love to kiss him every day, he told her he’d “formed certain things with other girls” and they’d have to “see if our paths cross again along this journey.” So that would be a no.

Back at the resort, everyone was gossiping about how Brendan had been dating Pieper before coming on the show. That’s why, when Demi returned alone, feeling like an idiot over Brendan’s rejection, Victoria Larson told Demi she was only “a minor idiot” since no one had known about Brendan and Pieper.

Confronted by Demi, Brendan fessed up to spending time with Pieper but insisted they weren’t in a relationship. Personally, I’d love to hear whether Pieper thought they were in a relationship and, since she’s bound to turn up on “Paradise” before long, I’m sure we’ll find out.

Brendan’s other conversation about Pieper, with Natasha, was less acrimonious. He told Natasha his liaison with Pieper had been “super casual” and he’d been having deeper conversations with Natasha than he ever had with Pieper, so it wasn’t long till they were strolling happily along the beach together. Demi, who was watching and making “hyena” noises of despair, was soon in tears. Sucks to find out you’re not as popular as you thought you’d be.

Now on to the episode’s other “villain.” Victoria Paul decided to latch onto James Bonsall, whose name she couldn’t remember — she kept calling him Jordan in her confessionals — so she could get a rose, stick around and see who else turned up, or at least that’s what she said.

Victoria Paul chats up … what’s that guy’s name again?

According to Tammy and Kelsey, who both knew Victoria from Peter Weber’s season, it was more nefarious than that. They both said Victoria had a boyfriend back home in Nashville and was just on “BiP” to get famous.

James was floored when Tammy broke the news. What, was the conversation in which Victoria asked James if he peed outside or in the toilet when he woke up in the morning not a tipoff there was something off about this woman?

Once James confirmed Tammy’s info with Kelsey, who also lives in Nashville, he confronted Victoria, who claimed she broke up with the guy, but she didn’t put up a very convincing counter-argument. She eventually sent herself home, essentially confirming the boyfriend story when she said in the SUV of Shame, “I realize I don’t have to search for what I already have at home.”

Her departure meant it was back to 13 women vying for 10 roses, with nine already spoken for, which meant that Demi, Kelsey, Victoria Larson and Serena Chew were all at the mercy of James.

Demi and Kelsey both lobbied James for a friendship rose. Serena and Victoria decided to try their luck elsewhere.

When Tammy left Aaron’s side, Serena led him away for a bit of a lame rap and a beach bed smooch, not that it was ever in doubt he was giving his rose to Tammy. Just to prove her dominance, Tammy kissed him and straddled him when she got back, ensuring he couldn’t get up from the beach bed right away.

Goddess Victoria, meanwhile, zeroed in on Tre. She didn’t even get as far as a kiss (which in “Paradise” carries about as much weight as a handshake) before Tre’s main squeeze, Tahzjuan, unleashed a “Tahz-nado,” scolding Victoria for being selfish and going back to her old ways. That sent Victoria crying to a producer, which is exactly like her old ways.

In the end, it was Demi who snagged the final rose despite Kelsey’s sympathy-garnering fainting spell. As if there was a chance in hell the producers were going to let Demi go home after one episode.

The nine couples, as it stands now, are Ivan and Jessenia, Noah and Abigail, Joe and Serena Pitt, Connor and Maurissa, Tre and Tahz, Karl and Deandra, Brendan and Natasha, Aaron and Tammy, and Kenny and Mari.

Ivan and Jessenia went on a date that took us away, if only briefly, from the drama on the beach.

Jessenia and Ivan on a date, a real date as opposed to a fake one.

Currently, they seem like the most solid couple. They had a serious conversation on their date about race, with Jessenia, who is Latina, opening up about the online abuse she experienced after her time on Matt’s season.

“I had never experienced that type of racism until after the show and it hurts it, it really hurts,” Jessenia said. So she had to think long and hard about risking being “torn apart” again by coming on “Bachelor in Paradise.”

But “I feel safe here, I feel safe with you,” she told Ivan.

I hope it stays that way.

We know from the promos that Serena and Joe, and Maurissa and Connor are going to be tested thanks to the arrivals of Thomas from Katie’s season and Riley from Tayshia’s season.

And you won’t have to wait till next week for more drama, with ABC airing another episode Tuesday night at 8 p.m. I’m not sure when Citytv will fit it in since they’ve got “America’s Got Talent” in that time slot. Nor am I sure when I’ll have the Tuesday night recap up.

In the meantime, you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Watchable Aug. 23 to 29, 2021

SHOW OF THE WEEK: 9/11: One Day in America (Aug. 29, 9 p.m., National Geographic)

An aerial view of Ground Zero in Manhattan burning. PHOTO CREDIT: NIST

I used to have an acquaintance who, every Sept. 11, would share her story online of escaping the World Trade Center on the day the towers fell in 2001.

I lost touch with Adrienne so it’s been years since I read her account. I no longer recall which tower she was in or what floor she was on, but I remember how her words never failed to grip me no matter how many times I read them.

Watching an episode of “9/11: One Day in America” reminded me of her story. The six-part series uses equally powerful stories from survivors to recount that horrible day minute by minute, from the first attack by a hijacked commercial jet on the North Tower of the trade centre, to the subsequent attacks on the South Tower and the Pentagon, to the crash of hijacked Flight 93 in a field in Pennsylvania after passengers and crew stormed the cockpit. Two thousand, 977 people died that day 20 years ago.

That death toll is small compared to the ongoing fatality rate of the COVID-19 pandemic, but no one who remembers that day will ever forget what they were doing when they heard the news or — for those of us who felt immune from terrorism as North Americans — how profoundly it shook their world view.

The difference between “One Day in America” and other Sept. 11 documentaries I’ve seen is that it shares survivors’ stories without any narration or expert commentary; just their words supplemented by video and audio footage of the events.

Following a virtual screening I attended of Episode 2, “The South Tower,” executive producer T.J. Martin explained that he and co-producer Dan Lindsay (“Undefeated”) wanted to present an oral history of the day, free from the “geopolitics” that had attached themselves to Sept. 11, as “a conduit for empathy.”

I can’t imagine listening to the eyewitness accounts and not feeling empathy. Consider Stanley Praimnath, whose office on the South Tower’s 81st floor was in the direct path of the jetliner. Somehow surviving after pieces of the plane flattened walls and mangled furniture, he was saved when Brian Clark, who was making his way down from the 84th floor, heard his cries for help.

Brian and nine or 10 others were stopped on the 81st floor landing by a woman who told them they had to go back up. His companions retraced their steps and died. Brian chose to stay and help Stanley. Together, they made their way to the ground, effectively saving each other’s lives.

Kathy Comerford, who was blown out of her shoes on the 70th floor, recalls how people helped each other on the way out, especially how security guard Rick Rescorla sang to calm the terrified evacuees when they reached the 44th floor. He died in the collapse of the South Tower after refusing to leave so he could make sure he hadn’t missed anyone.

That’s just a fraction of what you’ll see and hear, and I won’t pretend it’s an easy watch. I have left out the more graphic memories from emergency responders at the scene. What makes it worthwhile is the humanity that shines through.

After Episode 1 on Aug. 29, episodes 2 and 3 air Aug. 30 at 9 and 10 p.m.; episodes 4 and 5 on Aug. 31 at 9 and 10 p.m., and episode 6 on Sept. 1 at 9 p.m.

American Horror Stories (Aug. 25, Disney Plus)

If you are a fan of the Ryan Murphy-Brad Falchuk brand of gore mixed with sex and humour, this series might be right up your alley.

Personally I was a bit blood-and-guts fatigued after four episodes.

Not to mention that the content skews very YA in that the protagonists, at least from what I saw, are mostly teenagers (well, 20- and 30-somethings playing teenagers).

Although billed as an anthology series, episodes 1 and 2 are a two-parter that takes place in the infamous “Murder House” of “American Horror Story” Season 1, while the finale (which I did not screen) returns to that venue.

The first episodes feature Sierra McCormick (“The Vast of Night”) as Scarlett, the lesbian daughter of a gay couple (Matt Bomer and Gavin Creel) who plan to turn the house into a spooky B&B. It doesn’t take much imagination to figure out those plans go awry, particularly since Scarlett has a taste for ultra-violent porn, a good fit for a house full of ghosts of murders past.

I didn’t find Scarlett particularly sympathetic, not even as the target of a group of mean girls led by her crush Maya (Paris Jackson).

The same applies to other characters like Chad (Rhenzy Feliz) in Episode 3, whose obsession with getting into his reluctant girlfriend’s pants leads him to a drive-in where a banned movie that purportedly turns its audience into killers is playing. And don’t get me started on the sociopathic social media influencer “bros” in Episode 4, who mess with the wrong mall Santa.

There’s at least some fun to be had in those episodes from seeing old pros like Adrienne Barbeau and Danny Trejo in small but choice roles.

But overall the series leaves me with an impression I’ve had from other Murphy-Falchuk efforts, that it’s style over substance.

“American Horror Story” also returns this week, with the 10th instalment, “Double Feature,” debuting on FX Aug. 25 at 10 p.m. I wasn’t able to get an advance look at that one.

Clickbait (Aug. 25, Netflix)

Zoe Kazan stars as the sister of a kidnap victim in “Clickbait” (with Kate Lister as a pesky reporter). PHOTO CREDIT: Ben King/Netflix

There are lots of excellent crime dramas out there. “Clickbait” isn’t one of them.

I presume it’s meant to be a commentary on the ubiquity of technology, albeit not a very nuanced one. The plot is driven by seemingly devoted husband and father Nick (Adrian Grenier) being kidnapped and popping up in a video holding hand-lettered signs that say he abuses women and that he’ll die when the video reaches five million views.

Cue the search, in which the Oakland police piggyback on the work of citizen investigators who create a geocaching app to find Nick, while the cops and his family follow up clues on social media sites, dating apps, CCTV footage and so on.

The actors do what they can with a weak and cliched script, but the characterizations are so shallow you’d hurt yourself if you dove into them.

Take Nick’s sister Pia, played by Zoe Kazan (“The Big Sick”), who spends most of her time stomping around being either angry or sad and not much in between. Betty Gabriel (“Defending Jacob”) plays Nick’s seemingly perfect wife Sophie and Australian actor Phoenix Raei is ambitious but caring detective Roshan Amir, who’s Muslim, which we know because we see snippets of him praying, and his mother trying to feed him and asking why he hasn’t been promoted to homicide yet. See what I mean about cliches?

Anyway, by the time I watched four of the eight episodes, I really didn’t care whether Nick was a good guy or a bad guy, or what happened to him.

You’d be better off to check out “Motel Makeover” (Aug. 25), which follows media darlings April Brown and Sarah Sklash, proprietors of the trendy June Motel in Prince Edward County, as they “Junify” a 24-room motel, plus restaurant and pool, in Sauble Beach over just five months.

April Brown and Sarah Sklash check out a dated room in the former Knight’s Inn.
PHOTO CREDIT: Geoff George/Courtesy of Netflix

If you’re not put off by the pair’s cheerful go-girl energy, there are pleasures to be had in watching them transform a mess of 1970s wood panelling and smelly carpets into the stuff that millennial dreams are made of.

Personally, I’m a sucker for a nice paint job and some thrift-store treasure hunting.

Also on Netflix this week are the animated spinoff “The Witcher: Nightmare of the Wolf” (Aug. 23); Part 4 of the comedy series “Family Reunion” (Aug. 24) and the film “He’s All That” (Aug. 27).

Odds and Ends

Poet Rupi Kaur in the special “Rupi Kaur Live.” PHOTO CREDIT: Amrita Singh

You can see immensely popular Indian-Canadian poet Rupi Kaur in the special “Rupi Kaur Live,” coming to Amazon Prime Video on Aug. 27. According to Amazon, the one-hour show, filmed in Los Angeles pre-pandemic, fuses poetry, humour, spoken word, music and visuals.

Attention “Mandalorian” fans, Disney Plus has a tidbit for you while you await Season 3, with “Disney Gallery: The Mandalorian,” a look at the making of the Season 2 finale and the reappearance of Luke Skywalker, dropping on Aug. 25.

Personally I’m stoked for the return of “Inspector Morse” prequel series “Endeavour,” coming to the PBS Masterpiece Amazon Prime Video channel on Aug. 23.

Speaking of PBS, if you’re a fan of TV historian Lucy Worsley, she’s back with three new episodes of “Royal Myths & Secrets,” beginning Aug. 29 at 8 p.m., delving into Henry VIII’s Reformation, England’s Regency era and the Russian Revolution.

NOTE: The listings here are in Eastern Standard Time, and reflect information provided to me and cross-checked where possible, but it’s always best to check listings for your own area. The selection of programs reviewed reflects what I’m given access to by networks and streamers, whether reviews are embargoed, how many shows I have time to watch and my own personal taste.

Bachelor in Paradise kicks off with the kissing-est premiere yet

Wells Adams and David Spade, bartender and temporary host of “Bachelor in Paradise.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC

Welcome to Paradise, the land of second chances.

It’s a special place where fate, and the magic of TV editing, can turn Connor Brennan into a great kisser, Noah Erb into a sort of not so creepy dude and Tahzjuan Hawkins into someone hot enough to make out with two members of the same family.

Yes, “Bachelor in Paradise,” we’re reunited and dare I say it feels so good.

That the “Bachelor” spinoff is back after the COVID-19 pandemic kept everyone away from the beach last year is itself a bit of a comeback story. But far from being weird to see people doing the opposite of physical distancing, the sight of 23 eligible men and women hugging, kissing and hanging out at Playa Escondida seemed utterly normal. In fact, it made me a little giddy.

Other than the three people I didn’t recognize (sorry Deandra, Maurissa and Victoria Paul) it was kind of delightful to see all the familiar faces. Well, OK, maybe not Karl Smith.

And is it just me or does it seem like things are moving at lightning speed?

Bartender Wells Adams told guest host David Spade this season has set the record for most amount of makeouts in Day 1 of the show and who am I to doubt Wells?

Abigail Heringer was the first to greet guest “Bachelor in Paradise” host David Spade.

Fan favourite Abigail Heringer was the first to hit the beach and then they just kept coming, generally stopping to chat with Spade, who was funny and self-deprecating and did not make me miss Chris Harrison at all.

The general consensus was that Toronto’s Serena Pitt, from Matt James’s season, and Brendan Morais, who made Tayshia Adams’ top four, were the equivalent of the prom king and queen, the popular kids that everybody wanted to get with.

Canadian Serena Pitt was popular on the season opener.

Although Serena expressed interest in Brendan in her intro package, and Brendan gave her a ride on his back at one point, it was “Grocery Store” Joe Amabile she locked lips with later that night. And that happened after Joe got awkward (I’m sorry, but what the hell does “Toronto is very ugly from the outside but beautiful in” even mean?); then teary-eyed when he was reminded of Kendall Long, the woman he started dating during Season 5 of “Bachelor in Paradise”; and then anti-social, going off to mope by himself.

He even told Wells he wanted to leave. And then along came Serena, who overlooked the 12-year difference in their ages and the fact he was wearing socks with his flip-flops and smooched him a whole bunch. (We already know from the end-of-episode promo that Kendall is going to turn up and possibly throw a wrench into Joe’s new romance.)

Brendan was a hot commodity on “Bachelor in Paradise,” partly because the women liked his shirt.

As for Brendan, we didn’t see him kissing, but he was paired off with Natasha Parker from Peter Weber’s season for some crab and bird-watching, and then bird-killing-a-crab watching.

Makeouts were in full force between Ivan Hall from Tayshia’s season and Jessenia Cruz from Matt’s season; Aaron Clancy from Katie Thurston’s season and Tammy Ly from Peter’s season (who confused David Spade with Dave Chappelle, which is pretty messed up); and Connor Brennan, a.k.a. the Cat from Katie’s season, and Maurissa Gunn from Peter’s season. And the verdict? “Katie is wrong. Connor is a great kisser.”

Tahzjuan Hawkins came back for a second kick at the can.

Tre Cooper, also from Katie’s season, was undaunted by the fact that Tahzjuan Hawkins from Colton Underwood’s season had gone on a date with — and kissed — Tre’s uncle. Tahzjuan, whose previous “Bachelor in Paradise” claim to fame was melting down in the Mexican heat, both physically and emotionally, rated Tre’s smooch 10 out of 10: “I really enjoyed kissing Tre, more than his uncle.”

And then there were Kenny Braasch, from Clare Crawley’s and Tayshia’s season, and Mari Pepin-Solis from Matt’s season. Kenny has the distinction of being both the oldest cast member at 40 and the least dressed, having shown up wearing nothing but his tattoos. Why? To show off his body, he claimed, but he could still do that in a Speedo and maintain a little mystery. What happens if he and Mari go to the boom-boom room? There’ll be no big reveal, so to speak.

Kenny showed up naked. As David Spade said, “Have somebody put some sunscreen down there.”

But wait, there’s more! While folks were coupling up left, right and centre back at the resort, Abigail had gone on the season’s first date with Noah Erb, the cocky fellow remembered for both his porn stache and annoying everybody when he showed up late to Tayshia’s season.

Abigail, who said she moves really slowly in relationships (then why, oh why are you on your second “Bachelor” show, my dear?), seemed to be threatening to friend-zone Noah after they sat down for a meal in a room filled with pinatas, but by the time they started smashing the pinatas — a metaphor for breaking down Abigail’s walls, obviously — they had a big smooch session.

So, by my count, eight of the 10 guys there had already coupled up with someone. I’m not sure what Karl and James Bonsall were doing, but since they’re handing out the roses it doesn’t really matter.

That leaves Deandra and Kelsey Weir, a.k.a. Champagne Girl, both from Peter’s season; Serena Chew from Matt’s season; and the two Victorias, Paul (Peter’s season) and Larson, better known as Queen Victoria from Matt’s season, to battle it out for the roses that aren’t already spoken for.

The “goddess” Victoria makes her entrance.

Victoria L, who has given up her crown but declared herself a goddess, complete with some sort of Statue of Liberty-esque head gear (Connor to Victoria: “I love those golden zip ties. Did you make that yourself?”), wanted the men to come to her. She tried her “five second rule” at the bar, i.e. she smiles for five seconds and a man walks over to her, but her “goddess energy didn’t quite kick in.”

In any event, we didn’t get as far as a rose ceremony. The episode ended with Demi Burnett walking down the steps to the beach, declaring, “Those poor girls, I’m gonna steal all their men. I’m gonna fuck things up.”

That’s the way it goes in Paradise. We already know from the promo that the producers are going to mess with Joe and Serena by bringing Kendall back; Riley from Tayshia’s season is going to screw things up for Connor and Maurissa; Tammy is going to double time Aaron with Thomas, one of Katie’s castoffs, although Thomas is also going to hook up with former Bachelorette Becca Kufrin; and there’ll be a love triangle between Kenny, Mari and Demi.

Cue the tears. And keep watching next Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And if you want to talk “Paradise,” you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Watchable Aug. 16 to 22, 2021

SHOW OF THE WEEK: Nine Perfect Strangers (Aug. 20, Amazon Prime Video)

Nicole Kidman as Masha in “Nine Perfect Strangers.” PHOTO CREDIT: Vince Valitutti/Hulu

On the face of it, the Tranquillum House wellness retreat exudes comfort, luxury and exclusivity, but from the moment its nine guests arrive for their 10-day stay there are hints they’re in for more than bliss.

They’re under surveillance, for one thing. And the smiling staff members pleasantly but firmly insist they surrender their cellphones and submit to having blood drawn. There’s even a hint of menace in the way the blades of the blender pulp the fruit that goes into their individually tailored smoothies.

Ethereal guru Masha — Nicole Kidman in long golden locks, flowing pastel clothes and steely blue gaze — makes it clear that they’re not there to be pampered. “This is Tranquillum. I mean to fuck with all of you,” she says.

The guests include bereaved mother Heather (Australian actor Asher Keddie), her husband Napoleon (Michael Shannon) and their daughter Zoe (Grace Van Patten); romance novelist Francis (Melissa McCarthy), ex-pro football player Tony (Bobby Cannavale), newly rich couple Ben (Melvin Gregg) and Jessica (Samara Weaving), divorced mother Carmel (Regina Hall) and cynical journalist Lars (Luke Evans).

They’ve all been hand-picked by Masha for their traumas, which include an assortment of relationship issues, professional crises, insecurities, drug addiction and unresolved guilt over others’ deaths.

Despite the sometimes uncomfortable activities they engage in (digging their own graves, a day of eating nothing but what they can forage), defences come down, the guests warm to each other and they start to feel incrementally better. But Masha doesn’t think they’re getting to the heart of their pain fast enough and institutes a new treatment protocol over the objections of counsellor Delilah (Tiffany Boone), one that poses psychic if not physical dangers.

Masha isn’t being truthful about her own trauma, either, even though she shares with the guests that she was once a corporate CEO who died after being shot in the chest and was brought back to life by Yao (Filipino-Canadian actor Manny Jacinto), a former paramedic who is now her right-hand man at Tranquillum.

What viewers will realize — although Masha is blind to it — is that she’s still addicted to power, but rather than wielding it in the business world she’s playing god with the lives of the people who’ve entrusted her to make them better.

Having seen only six of the eight episodes, I don’t know whether she causes any of her charges lasting harm or how the death threats that Masha is simultaneously receiving play out.

Like the treatment being meted out at Tranquillum, “Nine Perfect Strangers” is itself imperfect. Some of the stories — the Instagram influencer who’s insecure about her looks, the discarded wife who resents anyone younger and prettier —are a little too on the nose.

But there are also plot twists and surprises, at least for those who haven’t read the Liane Moriarty novel. There’s also a lot to be said for watching actors of this calibre play together.

In a TV universe that often offers up junk food, “Nine Perfect Strangers” is more of a high-end meal, even if it leaves you still a bit hungry.

In the Same Breath (Aug. 18, 9 p.m., HBO/Crave)

Health-care workers during a celebration of China’s victory over COVID-19.
PHOTO CREDIT: Courtesy of HBO

It’s impossible to know for sure whether lives would have been saved if Chinese authorities had been more open with their own citizens and the rest of the world about the pneumonia-like illness being seen in Wuhan as early as December 2019.

We all know now that mystery illness was COVID-19, which to date has killed more than 4 million people worldwide.

But as Nanfu Wang admits in her documentary, even though she had seen, and archived, Chinese social media posts about overloaded hospitals and people dying in the streets, she believed American officials who said the virus didn’t pose a threat in the U.S. and scoffed when her mother, back in her hometown east of Wuhan, urged her to wear a mask outdoors.

This doc is critical of both Chinese and American authorities for downplaying COVID and, indeed, punishing those who spoke out about it — “I have lived under authoritarianism and I have lived in a society that calls itself free,” says Wang, who now calls New York home. “In both systems, ordinary people become casualties of their leaders’ pursuit of power.”

For me, the film is most striking when it’s sharing human stories, captured with the help of camera people in Wuhan: a father in tears at the bedside of his adult son, who’s unable to do much more than blink; the woman who ran a medical clinic near the infamous wet market and whose husband, having caught the virus from patients, was turned away by four hospitals after they saw CT scans of his lungs; the son and husband who have to decide on the spot whether to take their loved one back home or let her die in the street when paramedics are unable to find a hospital with room for her.

Some of the most eye-opening images, at least for those of us without exposure to Chinese media, are of news anchors parroting the same government-approved script about the lack of COVID dangers, or of health-care workers at rallies celebrating China’s victory over the virus, waving flags and singing patriotic songs about the motherland. The doc contrasts those images with footage from inside the hospitals of those workers breaking down in tears, exposing the reality glossed over by the upbeat, state-sanctioned propaganda about China’s “Angels in White.”

That, and Wang’s interviews with sad and angry nurses in New York, reaffirm there’s a secondary pandemic of trauma among front-line workers, one that will only worsen as those same workers deal with the fourth wave of COVID surging around the world.

I don’t know that any lessons will be learned from this documentary — Wang includes footage of anti-mask, -lockdown and -vaccine protests across the U.S. and we know they’re still happening even as the Delta variant rages and politicians refuse to do what’s necessary to protect their citizens — but it’s worth watching nonethless.

The Chair (Aug. 20, Netflix)

Sandra Oh, Nana Mensah and Holland Taylor in “The Chair.” PHOTO CREDIT: Eliza Morse/Netflix

I have a lot of time for Sandra Oh in whatever role she’s in and she delivers a reliably smart and sympathetic performance as Ji-Yoon Kim, a Korean-American professor who’s just become the first female and the first person of colour to chair the English department at fictional Pembroke University.

Created by actor Amanda Peet and screenwriter Annie Wyman, who’s also a lecturer at Stanford University, “The Chair” portrays Ji-Yoon as struggling with the things you’d expect a career woman to struggle with while balancing a demanding job with family. In Ji-Yoon’s case, ethnicity adds another layer as she’s a 40-something single mother to an adopted Mexican-American daughter she’s raising with the help of her father Habi, played by Ji-yong Lee, who speaks only Korean.

And of course, Ji-Yoon’s is not just any job. As chair, she has to worry about faculty egos, budgets, and keeping the dean (David Morse) and the donors happy, not to mention the students, a sometimes fickle, fractious lot. (There’s a cameo I won’t spoil for you by a well-known TV actor who’s parachuted in give the university’s marquee lecture because he’ll put “butts in seats.”)

“The Chair” touches on issues like academic freedom, conflict between traditional and modern teaching, sexism and racism in hiring and promotion, campus protest and social media censure, although not in a deep way.

The senior male professors (Bob Balaban and Ron Crawford), who are at the top of the dean’s hit list because they cost the most and attract the fewest students, are portrayed as fuddy duddies. Balaban’s character, in particular, is threatened by Yaz (Nana Mensah), a young Black female professor who teaches a popular course called “Sex and the Novel” and lets her students use rap and spoken-word poetry to interpret “Moby-Dick.”

Holland Taylor plays an equally senior professor named Joan and steals scenes as she fights against indignities like being relegated to a tiny office next to the basement gym and crudely targeted by a male student on Rate My Professors.

I didn’t love the fact that Ji-Yoon expends considerable energy trying to rescue the job of fellow professor and love interest Bill (Jay Duplass) after he does something boneheaded in the classroom that gets immortalized on YouTube. Sure, Bill is a widower and a nice guy who cooks her dinner and helps with her daughter, but he also behaves like an irresponsible man-child and I feel like we’ve had enough of those on television.

Just as Ji-Yoon doesn’t quite manage to revolutionize the Pembroke English department, “The Chair” isn’t going to revolutionize your TV-viewing experience, but at six half-hour episodes you can watch it in less time than it would take to write an essay.

Chapelwaite (Aug. 22, 10 p.m., CTV Sci-Fi Channel/CTV.ca)

Adrien Brody with Ian Ho, Jennifer Ens and Sirena Gulamgaus in “Chapelwaite.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Chris Reardon/Epix

If you like classic horror stories and you are a patient viewer, you will find things to entertain you in “Chapelwaite,” the latest Stephen King adaptation to hit screens, inspired by the short story “Jerusalem’s Lot.”

Certain elements of the original are intact here, including the creepy ancestral home that gives the show its name; a possible family curse; a mysterious, ancient book; hostile townspeople; undead folks and an obsession with worms.

But adaptors Jason and Peter Filardi have changed and expanded the story. Charles Boone, played by Oscar winner Adrien Brody, is now a widowed father of three and former captain of a whaling ship. Instead of a manservant, his confidante is a woman named Rebecca, played by Emily Hampshire of “Schitt’s Creek,” an aspiring writer and governess to his children. And there are plenty of side plots and new characters.

The town of Preacher’s Corners, Maine, to which Charles brings the two daughters and son he had with his late Polynesian wife, is a hotbed of superstition and racism. The townspeople blame the Boone family for the disease that is killing some of their children, shun Charles’s offspring for not being white, and reject his plans to expand the sawmill he inherited and bring shipbuilding to the town.

Since the series was filmed in Halifax, the cast is loaded with Canadians, including Eric Peterson (“Corner Gas”) as Charles’s chief antagonist; Gord Rand (“Orphan Black”) as the sympathetic town minister; Julian Richings (“Todd and the Book of Pure Evil”) as Charles’s Uncle Phillip; Steven McCarthy (“The Expanse”) as his cousin Stephen and newcomer Devante Senior as Able, a Black sawmill employee who’s the only worker to stand by Charles.

But all the extra faces and scenes mean the show can plod when it’s not sticking to the gothic horror plot, which it brings to life in moody, foreboding fashion.

The most successful new characters are the children, Honour (Jennifer Ens), Tane (Ian Ho) and especially sensitive middle child Loa. Toronto’s Sirena Gulamgaus, who also stars in “Transplant,” plays the part with depth beyond her years.

Hampshire, who’s second to Brody in the credits, brings energy and charm to Rebecca, but the character seems to have been parachuted in from a more modern show, with a way of speaking and behaving that doesn’t fit the 1850s time period.

Still, if you have a taste for atmospheric, supernatural horror stories you might be able to overlook “Chapelwaite’s” shortcomings.

Odds and Ends

The show that is a summer highlight for most “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” fans, “Bachelor in Paradise,” returns for its seventh season after sitting it out last summer due to the pandemic. It debuts Aug. 16 at 8 p.m. on Citytv.

A show that I think has been trudging on for far too long, “The Walking Dead,” debuts its 11th and final season on AMC Aug. 22 at 9 p.m. Oh sure, I’ll probably hate-watch it just to see how things end.

Disney Plus has “Growing Up Animal” on Aug. 18, which features lots and lots of baby animals, so how can you go wrong?

NOTE: The listings here are in Eastern Standard Time, and reflect information provided to me and cross-checked where possible, but it’s always best to check listings for your own area. The selection of programs reviewed reflects what I’m given access to by networks and streamers, whether reviews are embargoed, how many shows I have time to watch and my own personal taste.

This post has been edited to tweak my review of “Nine Perfect Strangers.”

There’s life and love after Greg for Bachelorette Katie Thurston

Katie Thurston on the season finale of “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

SPOILER ALERT: If you don’t want to know the outcome of “The Bachelorette” season finale, stop reading right now.

Congratulations are in order after Monday’s “Bachelorette” season finale: oh sure, to Katie Thurston and her fiancé, but I was thinking more of the show’s producers, who pulled off yet another masterful bit of misdirection after last week’s shocker of an episode.

If you watched that brutal breakup between Katie and the man who many of us assumed was the holder of her heart, Greg Grippo, you’d be forgiven for thinking that Blake Moynes and Justin Glaze were destined for disappointment, that Katie couldn’t possibly get engaged to one of them when her “number one” had sent himself home.

But once we all took a breath, it was clear how unlikely it was that a) Katie would actually abandon her quest for love; b) that she and Greg would get back together, since she essentially accused him of gaslighting her on Instagram or c) that she would end up with no one, especially with three hours of finale air time to fill.

On Monday, not only did Katie choose one of the final two; she did it barely 40 minutes into the episode. Despite her insistence that she wouldn’t say “I love you” to anyone but the last man standing — a decision that seemed to have played a role in Greg’s departure — she spilled the L-word to Blake Moynes on their fantasy suite date, the first (and only) one she went on.

The only logical conclusion is that Katie didn’t love Greg after all; that if she truly did want to go home after he walked out on her it wasn’t because she couldn’t imagine carrying on without him but because his abandonment had shaken her faith in her own lovability. And that makes perfect sense to me.

But Katie did find love and she found it with Canadian contestant Blake, and they seemed just as smitten with each other on the “After the Final Rose” portion of the finale as during the proposal.

Katie and Blake on the “After the Final Rose” part of the finale. PHOTO CREDIT: Eric McCandless/ABC

For those who still think Katie picked him just so she could walk away engaged, I’d say you’re not giving her anywhere near enough credit. If Greg really had been “the one” for her I believe she would have left rather than pretend to have feelings for Blake or Justin. Just compare and contrast her reactions when first Greg then Blake said they loved her.

When Greg said it, she smiled at him and told him she loved looking at him. When Blake said it, she quickly broke her own rule about not using the L-word before the end and told him, “I fucking love you so much and I couldn’t be happier that you’re here.” Like “Greg who?”

And she kept saying it to Blake in the fantasy suite. And in case we didn’t get the point, Katie told co-host Kaitlyn Bristowe later, “My heart officially belongs to Blake.” (She also told her, ahem, that her night with Blake left her “plenty satisfied, many times.” Sex positive, indeed.)

Justin with co-hosts Kaitlyn Bristowe and Tayshia Adams. PHOTO CREDIT: Eric McCandless/ABC

Unfortunately, that meant no fantasy suite date for Justin. Katie let him down as gently as she could, but he was crushed. It was even more heartbreaking to see him struggling to hold back tears as he met Katie in the studio for the first time since their breakup. Katie reassured him that they’d had a real connection despite his feeling he’d ended up in the final two by default (although if we’re being honest, he had; Greg and Blake would have been final two I’m sure if Greg hadn’t vamoosed).

Luckily, the mood was lightened by a highlight reel of Justin’s facial expressions — he said he hadn’t been aware he was making them while, yes, making them. Plus, Justin has to be on the short list for next Bachelor after what we saw of him on Monday night.

But with one man left standing, the producers had to try to keep the drama going by pretending that maybe Blake wouldn’t propose.

If anyone stood a chance of derailing Katie’s and Blake’s cross-border relationship, it would have been Katie’s Aunt Lindsey. Katie called her a “tough cookie,” but she was kind of like Peter Weber’s mom Barb and Desiree Hartsock’s brother Nate rolled into one — in other words, terrifying.

“You’d better be secure as fuck coming in our family,” she told Blake, “because at the end of the day you’re here because we want you here, not because we need you here.”

She interrogated Blake on how he planned to handle marriage when it got hard. When he said he and Katie would do anything to make things right, Lindsey replied, “Yeah, that’s not how it works, I mean cute, but ultimately that’s not how anything works.

Luckily, Katie’s mom, Rhonda Lee, was more welcoming, crushing Blake with a hug when he walked in and tearing up as she told him how happy Katie seemed to be.

Nice try, producers, but a surly aunt didn’t deter Blake.

I won’t bore you with all the details, but Blake obligingly did several voice-overs expressing doubt about whether he was ready to propose. He even took a walk away from the table to frown and worriedly rub his hands together while co-host Tayshia Adams, filling in for an absent Neil Lane, was helping him choose an engagement ring.

There was one final fakeout during Blake’s proposal speech when he told Katie, “I can’t give you what you came here for” — long pause — “because you deserve a lot more than that.”

Yes, Blake proposed, no surprise despite producers’ best intentions. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Of course he got down on one knee; of course he pulled out a honking big diamond ring. Katie simultaneously laughed and cried after she said yes. And then Tayshia and Kaitlyn came running over to help them celebrate, which made the whole thing more endearing. (Katie gave them heartfelt thanks on “ATFR,” telling them “I truly would not have gotten through this if it wasn’t for the support of you ladies.”)

But hold those warm and fuzzy thoughts because after the commercial break, Greg joined Kaitlyn and Tayshia in the studio and then Katie came out, pointedly walking past Greg without a hug or even a handshake, and it was a downer.

They rehashed the breakup with Katie chastising Greg for how he treated her.

Katie and Greg rehashed their breakup on the finale. PHOTO CREDIT: Eric McCandless/ABC

“You were never ready for an engagement,” she said. “You spoke down to me. You didn’t even bother to say goodbye. You say you love me, but I don’t even think you know what love is.” She also accused Greg of using her to get acting practice, and of being “a confident, cocky boy from Jersey who knows he’s hot shit” rather than the shy guy he portrayed on the show.

Greg was gaslighting her, she added, by making her feel “like I did something so horrible you had to leave.”

It just went on and on and on, extending past another commercial break.

The bottom line, I think, is that Katie felt if Greg had really loved her he would have stayed; and Greg felt if Katie had loved him she would have said something to convince him to stay, and I think they’re both right about that although I totally get why Katie felt disrespected.

The skirmish ended with them wishing each other, however insincerely, “nothing but the best.”

And then Blake and Katie reunited for their first time together in public as a couple.

Blake said he knew he was in love with Katie when they played hockey on their hometown date, which Kaitlyn said was “very Canadian” of him. Katie said that Blake coming back on “The Bachelorette” to be with her, and risking looking dumb if she turned him down, was “probably the most romantic thing somebody’s ever done.”

But Blake (or at least some producer) one-upped himself by having audience members stand up holding boomboxes John Cusack-style while the country song that Blake and Katie danced to on their first one-on-one played in the studio and they danced and kissed onstage.

Maybe Aunt Lindsey is right and things will go to hell in a hand basket for them, but they looked like a couple who were head over heels on Monday. Good luck to them, I say.

That’s a wrap on “Bachelorette,” but I’ll be back in this space next week for the premiere of “Bachelor in Paradise.”

Tune in next Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Watchable Aug. 9 to 15, 2021

SHOW OF THE WEEK: Brand New Cherry Flavor (Aug. 13, Netflix)

Rosa Salazar as Lisa and Catherine Keener as Boro in “Brand New Cherry Flavor.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Sergei Bachlakov/Netflix

Hell hath no fury like an aspiring filmmaker scorned.

This limited series, based on the occult novel by Todd Grimson and created by Nick Antosca and Lenore Zion of “Channel Zero” fame, takes a thwarted Hollywood newcomer-with-a-dream tale and turns it into a noirish nightmare of revenge, sex, witchcraft and death.

Rosa Salazar (“American Horror Story,” “Alita: Battle Angel”) is Lisa Nova, a young woman who’s come to 1990s L.A. to turn her short “paranoid thriller” into a full-length film with the help of Lou Burke (Eric Lange, “Narcos,” “Escape at Dannemora”), a producer who’s won three Oscars but who hasn’t had a hit in years.

But when Lou double crosses her, hiring another director and getting violent when Lisa demands her movie back, Lisa turns to Boro (Oscar nominee Catherine Keener), a mysterious woman she meets at a party, to put a curse on Lou.

Boro lives in a crumbling mansion with zombie servants, creating potions from guinea pig guts and other revolting substances, and makes Lisa pay for her services by vomiting up kittens.

But after the man who was meant to direct Lisa’s film is horribly injured and Lou’s son Jonathan (Daniel Doheny) almost dies, Lisa tries to call off the curse. Boro refuses and it’s clear that Lisa is in her power. Besides the kittens, she’s got a plant that’s taken over her shabby chic apartment, a scary, alien-like spirit that follows her and a terrifying being living beneath a trap door that suddenly appears in her floor.

Her one hope is to try to find out who Boro was in her past life and use that against her.

Likewise, when Lou demands that Boro reverse the curse, she advises him to fight back by digging into the darkness in Lisa’s past. 

Also in the mix is movie star Roy Hardaway (Jeff Ward, “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”), who’s got a dark history of his own and becomes Lisa’s ally and romantic interest of sorts.

This could be ridiculous in the wrong hands, but Salazar, Lange and Keener, fine actors all, keep the weirdness from tipping into camp. Salazar in particular is a mesmerizing presence who brings a matter-of-fact reality to the strangeness.

And the period L.A. setting (although it was actually shot mostly in Vancouver and Burnaby, B.C.) adds a veneer of glamour-tinged sleaziness.

The series walks a line between horror, mystery and character-driven drama. It’s scary, funny, loopy and entertaining.

Netflix also has the series “Bake Squad” (Aug. 11); the comedy special “Phil Wang: Philly Philly Wang Wang” (Aug. 10); and the films “The Kissing Booth 3” (Aug. 11) and “Beckett” (Aug. 13).

Short Takes

Roselyn Sanchez as Elena Roarke in “Fantasy Island.” PHOTO CREDIT: Laura Magruder/Fox

Fantasy Island (Aug. 10, 9 p.m., Global TV)

Look, I barely remember the original “Fantasy Island,” other than Ricardo Montalban in his white suit and Herve Villechaize and “The plane! The plane!” but it would not have topped my list of TV shows that deserved remakes. In this version, Elena (Roselyn Sanchez), the great-niece of the original Mr. Roarke, is the one charged with making dreams come true, dressed all in white like her great-uncle, natch. I could only stand to screen one episode but, other than offering a more diverse, female-heavy cast, it didn’t feel to me like it had anything worth revisiting in 2021. My advice if you want to see a show about rich people in a facsimile of paradise is to watch or rewatch “The White Lotus.”

Odds and Ends

T+E is trying to do for UFOs what it did for ghost stories with the new series “Encounter: UFO” (Aug. 10, 9 p.m.). It has the usual mix of eyewitness accounts, re-enactments and talking heads in eight episodes’ worth of tales that go beyond UFO sightings to cover alleged alien encounters and abductions.

CBC and CBC Gem have the documentary “Terry Fox: The Power of One” (Aug. 9, 8 p.m.) 41 years after Fox’s Marathon of Hope and 40 years after his death from cancer.

Amazon has Season 2 of the anthology series “Modern Love” dropping Aug. 13.

If you’re a fan of the gaffer on “Line of Duty,” you might enjoy “Adrian Dunbar’s Coastal Ireland” (Aug. 9, Acorn), in which the actor takes us on a tour of his native land.

Disney Plus has “What If . . . ?” (Aug. 11), which reimagines events from Marvel Universe films.

Wrestling fans might enjoy the new Starz series “Heels,” which debuts on Crave Aug. 15. The drama is about a community of pro wrestlers in a small Georgia town. Stephen Amell of “Arrow” and Alexander Ludwig of “Vikings” star.

NOTE: The times listed here are in Eastern Standard Time, and reflect information provided to me and cross-checked where possible, but it’s always best to check listings for your own area. The selection of programs reviewed reflects what I’m given access to by networks and streamers, whether reviews are embargoed, how many shows I have time to watch and my own personal taste.

The frontrunner runs for the hills and the Bachelorette is ‘done’

Greg Grippo and Katie Thurston before the whole “Bachelorette” episode went to hell in a hand basket. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC

Well hello Mr. Grippo and Mr. Hyde.

Up until the one-hour, 17-minute and 48-second mark on Monday’s “Bachelorette” episode I would have confidently said I knew how the season was going to end: Katie Thurston would send Justin Glaze home and take Blake Moynes and Greg Grippo to fantasy suites, and then she’d send Blake home and she and Greg would get engaged.

After watching her lacklustre “hometown” dates with Justin and Blake on Monday, then seeing how enthralled she and Greg were to be in each other’s company it just seemed so obvious they’d end up together . . . well, obvious to everyone but Greg.

The frontrunner, not to put too fine a point on it, lost his shit after Katie didn’t give him what he considered a “real” response to his declaration of love for her. He not only took his marbles and went home, he smashed the marbles to bits before he left.

Katie was left sobbing in the arms of co-host Kaitlyn Bristowe and asking for a ticket to fly home.

These are the questions running through my head: Is Katie really done? If so, how the hell do we fill three hours of finale next Monday night? If Katie stayed and ended up with Blake or Justin, would anyone seriously think she wasn’t just settling? Will Greg come back? And if he does, should Katie take him back?

The behaviour we witnessed from Greg during that final 40 minutes or so of episode didn’t seem like the behaviour of an emotionally well-adjusted person. How can you be raving that you’re happier than you’ve ever been, you’re in love and you’re ready to get engaged; and then suddenly you’re not happy and you’re done with the person you claimed was everything you ever wanted? Because if all it took to shake Greg’s confidence in his relationship with Katie was one admittedly awkward response from her, he sure as hell doesn’t seem like marriage material.

I eagerly await next week’s finale to see how this mess gets resolved, but since this is technically a recap we’ll take a look at how we got to this point.

Katie and Blake ride a mechanical moose because let’s just pile on the Canadian cliches.

First off, I’m kind of happy the border between Canada and America is finally reopening because I look forward to the day I don’t have to see a Canadian “hometown” date in some resort like the Hyatt Regency Tamaya in New Mexico. I’m sorry, but decorating walls with hockey skates, and deer and bear heads (like, yuck), and a flag and red and white balloons has dick all to do with Canada.

I don’t know any Canadians who put maple syrup on everything, as Blake claimed, or who play darts every weekend, and lots of us have never touched a hockey stick. There are no moose anywhere near where I live and I’ve never seen a mechanical one before either.

But let’s cut to the chase, which was the meet-the-parents portion of the date, which in Blake’s case meant his mom Emily and his sister Taylor.

Taylor was rightly skeptical of Blake being on his third Bachelorette, reminding him he’d claimed to feel love for both Clare Crawley and Tayshia Adams, but Blake insisted that no one had “aligned” with him like Katie had.

In that case, both Taylor and Emily told him, it was time to “man the fuck up and tell her you love her.”

Blake did not follow their advice, but does it really matter? Katie seems to really like kissing Blake, but I wasn’t feeling any love vibes from her on their date.

Then again, it could be worse. He could be Justin, who has seemed like odd man out to me ever since his surprise pick for hometowns.

Justin and Katie ride around, um, “Baltimore” on their faux hometown date.

Poor Justin learned ahead of his “hometown” that his parents wouldn’t be there and they made it clear in a phone call that we listened in on that they didn’t see how Justin could possibly propose to someone he’d known for such a short time. So clearly Ma and Pa Glaze aren’t “Bachelor” or “Bachelorette” fans.

After a pretty dreary tour of, uh, Baltimore, which ended with Katie cracking open and getting grossed out by a crab, she met Justin’s best friends, Herb and Tommy.

When Katie told them, “Every time we’re together our relationship just gets stronger and stronger,” sorry, I wasn’t buying it. Oh and did she mention that Justin was the first one who kissed her? And they both like blue cheese. Order the invitations already.

Unlike Blake, Justin did take his friend Herb’s advice and told Katie he was falling in love with her, for whatever that’s worth.

But it honestly felt like Blake’s and Justin’s dates were just the appetizers for the Greg main course.

Greg and Katie on a bicyle built for two before the wheels figuratively fell off.

Greg was giving Katie a taste of his home state of New Jersey and they were riding a tandem bike and eating food that actually looked palatable and they played basketball because Greg’s late father, Frank, was his basketball coach and Greg hadn’t really played since his dad died, so the date already felt way more meaningful than the other two.

And then Greg recreated the kissing in the rain scenario from their second one-on-one date and Katie said in her voice-over, “Greg is someone I know I am falling in love with. He is truly everything.”

The evening portion of the date seemed at first like it couldn’t go any better. Greg’s mom Sandy and brother Joe were both thrilled to see how happy Greg seemed. Greg told his mom he was in love with Katie and expected to propose. He told his friend, whose name I didn’t get, that he believed Katie was also falling in love with him and they’d already talked about her moving to New York. And even though Katie wasn’t able to give Greg’s family the same assurances, she dropped strong hints: “Just know he’s here to stay,” she told Sandy. “I think him and I are really just a perfect match.”

Then Greg and Katie had some alone time, during which Greg, tears running down his cheeks — which Katie tenderly brushed away — told her he was in love with her, that she made him the happiest he’d ever been and that he’d never been so vulnerable with anybody.

“I’m not gonna get down on one knee twice. It’s a one-deal thing for me,” he said.

Katie just gazed at him and then she kind of chuckled and said, “I just love looking at you” — which obviously wasn’t the response Greg was looking for because he stopped smiling and he started fidgeting and stopped looking at her.

Sensing his mood change, Katie started talking about how tough the process was but how it would be worth it in the end. “You know how I feel about you right? You feel good about it?” she asked Greg.

“I try to,” he responded.

This is the point where I have to interject and say: SHE’S TRYING TO TELL YOU SHE LOVES YOU BACK, YOU IDIOT!

During the tense conversation that followed, Greg said, “I just don’t understand how you don’t know at this point that it’s me and you. That’s what’s killing me.”

However, it seemed like a no-brainer that she did know that it was her and Greg. Yes, it’s bloody ridiculous that every season we watch a woman (or man if it’s the Bachelor) who probably made up her mind weeks ago whom she wanted to be with pretending that she’s still trying to decide who to choose right up until the day of the proposal. But that is the format and Katie was obviously trying to be a good Bachelorette and not spoil the ending by telling Greg, yes, I’m in love with you. But could Greg not have pulled his head out of his ass and read the subtext?

The short answer is no, he could not. The next day he went to Katie’s suite and I’m not going to reproduce the whole painful conversation here, but he accused Katie of dismissing him, of giving him a “surface level response” and he was offended that she accused him of giving up on them which, hello, is exactly what he was doing.

“I was never going to ask you to confess your love to me,” Greg said — well, yeah, you kind of were — “All I was asking for was Katie.”

“So this one time you think you didn’t get me you just want to be done?” replied Katie.

In a nutshell, yes. When Katie tried to tell Greg he’d always been her number one, he got pissy: “Who cares about the number one or number two? I just wanted something real.”

He whinged some more and then walked out without even a goodbye. And when Katie, who kept apologizing for some reason, followed him outside and told him that if he left, that was it for her too, he replied, “All I do know is right now that I deserve more than what I’ve been given on your side. I’m not happy here anymore. I’m done here.” He walked away again and this time she didn’t follow.

“I want to go home. I am done, I am done, I am done, I am done,” Katie said before returning to her suite and locking herself in what I presume was the bathroom, sobbing, at which point Kaitlyn came and tried to console her through the door until Katie let her in for a hug.

“Michael left, Greg left. At this point the confidence and strength I thought I had is like destroyed,” Katie said.

When Kaitlyn asked what she wanted to do, Katie replied, “I want someone to book my flight home.”

Tune in next Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv for what might actually be the most dramatic Bachelorette finale ever. We’ll see. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

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