Because I love television. How about you?

Month: October 2022

Watchable on documentary, Crave, Prime Oct. 31-Nov. 6

SHOW OF THE WEEK: Scrap (Nov. 6, 9 p.m., documentary Channel)

Old Car City USA in the documentary “Scrap.” PHOTO CREDIT: Parker Lewis

Beauty and meaning can sometimes be found in the most unlikely of places. That’s certainly part of the takeaway from “Scrap, ” a documentary by Stacey Tenenbaum about what happens to everyday objects that have outlived their usefulness in the eyes of society.

The answer is quite a lot.

The film, gorgeously visualized by director of photography Katerine Giguére and edited by Howard Goldberg, takes us to places around the world to where people with a passion for the past are bringing everything from massive ships to old phone boxes back to life.

Even in cases where the scrap isn’t being reused — like the Old Car City USA in White, Georgia, where venerable old vehicles are being reclaimed by the forest around them — the caretakers of all this discarded metal have a reverence for its place in history and the lives of the people it once served.

In that way, “Scrap” is a profoundly human film.

Take John Lopez, a sculptor and rancher in Lemmon, South Dakota. His vocation for creating striking works of art out of discarded farm machinery and other bits of metal grew from his desire to create a memorial to a beloved aunt who died in a car crash by sculpting an angel from found objects.

To him, the things he uses to create tigers, bison, horses and other majestic animals are indivisible from the people who once used them.

“I’m hoping my sculpture can honour those people who worked so hard,” he says. “They worked their fingers to the bone.”

Then there’s Tchely Hyung-Chul Shin, principal of French and South Korean company Shinslab Architecture, who creates buildings out of the remains of junked ships. In “Scrap,” we watch him oversee the dismantling of a massive cargo ship in Gijon, Spain, the hunks of its hull to be turned into a church in Seoul.

“Something that was dead comes back to life in another form, like a type of resurrection,” Shin says in the film.

He’s not the only one to speak of scrap as if it were an animate object.

Tony Inglis of Unicorn Restorations in Merstham, England, describes the old phone boxes he restores as soldiers or sentries who stood on street corners in all kinds of weather. “To see it go, it’s like seeing an old servant go,” he says.

For Ed Metka, who maintains about 30 rusting trolley cars in a secret U.S. location in the hopes of seeing them ride the rails again, the old cars are a reminder of his childhood and the beloved wife he recently lost.

And then there are some for whom scrap has a more practical meaning.

Fah Boonsoong in Bangkok, Thailand, lives in part of the fuselage of an old jumbo jet with her family of seven adults and eight children, providing for them with the money she makes from tourists who come to take photographs of themselves with the plane.

And in Delhi, India, for the people who toil at Namo eWaste, taking apart old phones, TVs and other consumer goods, the scrap is an unsentimental source of sustenance.

Saumya Khandelwal, who photographs the Namo workers, hopes the pictures that result convince people to engage more with the objects in their lives and perhaps even reject our current culture of using things and throwing them away.

It’s a message echoed by director Tenenbaum, who says in a news release that she hopes people “will be compelled to buy more things that are built to last and can be easily repaired, reused and restored.”

But please don’t make the mistake of thinking that “Scrap” is merely a message film. It has a meditative, even spiritual quality at times, finding art in unlikely places.

Short Takes

Spector (Nov. 4, Crave)

With the absolute glut of true crime docuseries out there — remember the days when shows like “The Jinx” and “Making a Murderer” felt like events and not just same old, same old? — anything that’s just an overhyped repetition of the facts of a case isn’t going to get my attention. Luckily, based on the two episodes I watched, “Spector” rises above by going beyond the morning in February 2003 that famed music producer Phil Spector shot and killed actor Lana Clarkson inside his Alhambra, Calif., mansion. Directed by Sheena M. Joyce and Don Argott, the series gives us a good grasp of Spector’s significance to the music industry before he descended into paranoid seclusion in his California castle, with a warts-and-all portrait of a disturbed genius. More importantly, it also gives a sense of who Clarkson was, certainly more than the “B-list actress” label affixed to her in the days after her murder.

Dangerous Liaisons (Nov. 6, 9 p.m., Starz/Crave)

Anyone who saw the 1988 movie version of “Dangerous Liaisons” would come away with an impression of the ruthlessness of French aristocrats the Vicomte de Valmont (John Malkovich) and, especially, the Marquise de Merteuil (Glenn Close). This prequel, also inspired by the 18th-century novel, purports to show how Valmont and Merteuil, here played by Alice Englert and Nicholas Denton, became the vain, manipulative older versions of themselves. Part of the answer is supposedly that they were once passionately in love, but we’re thrown into the love story of Camille and Pascal, as they were then known, rather abruptly and disorientingly in the first episode and, to be honest, I found it less than thrilling. Things don’t really get interesting until Lesley Manville, playing a different Marquise de Merteuil, shows up to coach Camille in the deceitful ways of the French aristocratic world. Camille, a reluctant prostitute, has thrown herself on the mercy of the first marquise after learning that she is just one of Pascal’s many lovers, most of them rich older women able to keep him in a style befitting his social climbing ways. Camille, to me, is more interesting as a woman figuring out how to bend society to her will than as the devoted lover of Valmont. Whether that interest can be maintained through eight episodes, I can’t say, since I was given access to only two. Carice van Houten of “Game of Thrones” also appears as someone from Camille’s past.

Also debuting on Crave this week, its Ho-Ho-Holiday Hub (Nov. 1), featuring Christmas and Hanukkah episodes of TV series and holiday movies; the David Cronenberg film “Crimes of the Future” (Nov. 4); and the special “Broken: The Toxic Culture of Canadian Gymnastics” (Nov. 5).

Odds and Ends

David Dawson, Emma Corrin and Harry Styles in “My Policeman.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Parisa Taghizadeh/Amazon Content Services

It’s hard to have missed the hype over the film “My Policeman,” one of a couple of recent movie starring roles for pop star Harry Styles. Here, he plays a police officer married to a teacher (Emma Corrin) but having an affair with a museum curator (David Dawson) in 1950s Britain, when homosexuality was considered a crime. The movie makes its streaming debut on Prime Video on Nov. 4.

Among the usual overabundance of new Netflix content is the movie “The Takeover” (Nov. 1); sports/true crime series “The Final Score” (Nov. 2), about murdered Colombian soccer player Andres Escobar; true-crime docuseries “Killer Sally” (Nov. 2); comedy series “Blockbuster” (Nov. 3), about the last Blockbuster Video store in America; Season 2 of “Enola Holmes” (Nov. 4), starring Millie Bobby Brown of “Stranger Things”; new luxury real estate reality show “Buying Beverly Hills” (Nov. 4); and the documentary “Orgasm Inc.: The story of OneTaste” (Nov. 5).

Apple TV Plus offerings include the documentary “Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me”; the Jennifer Lawrence film “Causeway” and Season 2 of the series “The Mosquito Coast,” all debuting Nov. 4.

Pamela Anderson takes a break from Hollywood to return to Vancouver and restore the waterfront property she bought from her grandmother in “Pamela’s Garden of Eden” (Nov. 3, 10 p.m., HGTV).

Last but not least, CBC Gem has the docuseries “My Life as a Rolling Stone” (Nov. 4), with each episode described as an intimate portrait of one of the core band members: Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Ronnie Wood and the late Charlie Watts.

NOTE: The listings here are in Eastern Standard Time and I’ve verified the times where possible, but it’s always best to check listings for your own area. The selection of programs reviewed reflects what I’m given access to by networks and streamers, whether reviews are embargoed, how many shows I have time to watch and my own personal taste. The Odds and Ends section includes shows that I have not watched.

Bachelor in Paradise recap: Shanae gets dumped, Kate gloats

Serene Russell, Shanae Ankney and Brittany Galvin all had very different receptions waiting
for them when they got back to Playa Escondida. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

I don’t enjoy math so I was never going to be keen on “Geometry Beach.” But here’s one formula I can wrap my head around: the greater the minutes of filler relative to the actual happenings on “Bachelor in Paradise” the more boring the episode.

And man, was Tuesday’s episode a stinker! Ostensibly it was going to be the . . . most . . . dramatic . . . yet, since the OG women were heading back to the beach and the men who had strayed were going to have to explain themselves, but most of what we got was endless commentary before, during and after the breakups/reconciliations.

I mean, seriously, this is why we’re being made to endure two episodes a week? For all this filler? And we’re not even getting another rose ceremony until sometime next week?

Hopefully I’m not going to bore you as much as the producers did, so let’s get to the meat of the matter.

Monday’s episode set up the (non)action to come on Tuesday, laying out the various love (lust) triangles that factored into what Johnny called “Geometry Beach.”

We started with the confrontation between Lace and Rodney. Lace, you might recall from last week, had hitched a ride from the Estates at Vidanta to Playa Escondida to check up on her man, who was out on a date with Eliza.

There was no “Hurricane Lace” or “Lacifer,” despite the buildup. Rodney gave Lace the bad news that he had moved on as gently and apologetically as he could. Lace was sad, she cried, she went home, end of story.

So why is this show painting the women as forces of destruction for, uh, showing emotions?

Back at the Vidanta, the other exiled women learned from host Jesse Palmer that Lace had “left Paradise forever” — so she won’t be parachuted back in as a plot device then? — and those six were quizzed about whether they were open to exploring new connections with the five new men.

Turns out Victoria was interested in exploring things with Alex and Brittany was into Tyler. And for reasons I can’t fathom — maybe ABC has some deal with its Australian counterparts? — the women deemed Adam from “Bachelorette Australia” worthy of sticking around. But they had zero interest in Rick and Olu, so those two got sent home.

Shanae was also attracted to Tyler — she wanted to take him to the boom boom room, after all — but also claimed to still be thinking about Logan.

Logan, however, sure didn’t seem to be thinking about Shanae. Not only had he gone on a very kissy face date with Sarah, he had now developed a “groundbreaking” connection with Kate. How, you might ask, since Kate seemed to be attached at the lips and the crotch to Jacob? Why, a 1:23 a.m. conversation on one of the beach beds.

So when a date card magically appeared for Kate, she took “sweet baby Jacob” for a talk and confessed that she was more into Logan. Poor Sarah didn’t get the courtesy of a talk from Logan until after Kate had invited him on the date in front of everybody.

And speaking of magical date cards, Victoria got one too and used it to explore Alex, a.k.a. “every girl’s fucking dream.”

Alex Bordyukov and Victoria Fuller talked about future offspring on their date.

The main points of interest seemed to be that Alex wasn’t frightened away by Victoria’s contention that she wanted five kids (!) and that Alex had rubbed Victoria’s head as she was dozing on the couch.

“Physical touch is my love language,” she said. And if one more person uses the phrase “love language” I’m gonna barf.

Speaking of touch, Brittany and Tyler went on a “date” of their own by the pool that involved lots of smooching. So the stage was set for various awkward reunions back at the beach.

We saw Genevieve and Aaron reconnect first and why did we spend so much time on this one? We already knew they had stayed true to each other, so whatever.

Then we had an inordinate amount of “heads are gonna roll” scene-setting for Shanae’s reunion with Logan and guess what, they didn’t.

Sure, Shanae was upset to hear that Logan felt more “heard and seen” by Kate, but why wouldn’t she be? And when Logan tried to blame his pursuit of Kate on Shanae hurting his feelings with her dalliance with James she was well within her rights to ask why he hadn’t expressed that hurt at the time. Damn straight she walked away without giving Logan a hug.

For Logan and Kate to then rub salt in the wound by slobbering over each other in full sight of Shanae and everyone else, as the other cast members cheered them on, was disrespectful and insensitive.

Shanae’s new best friend Genevieve — and by extension, the producers — talked Shanae into having another go at Logan. The idea was obviously to make it seem like Shanae 2.0 was reverting back into the bully we saw on Clayton’s “Bachelor” season.

Look, I’m not going to defend Shanae’s behaviour back then. I was disgusted by it, particularly her mockery of Elizabeth’s ADHD, but she wasn’t bullying anybody on the beach on Tuesday.

Kate, who seems to really like the sound of her own voice, was the one gloating over how she had triumphed over Shanae. She was the one who forced Shanae into a conversation she didn’t want to have. And then we had Aaron’s misogynistic commentary: Shanae was a “Shanaedo” who didn’t belong on the beach; Shanae should be straitjacketed in a padded room; Shanae should be abducted by aliens and taken to a planet that better suited her personality.

All this because she was sad and angry over being rejected for another woman? Did the beach suddenly get transported back into the 19th century or something?

The breakups continued.

After Jacob told Jill she wasn’t the woman for him, she tearfully decided to go home but not without giving viewers a last laugh: “A Lyft driver and you break my fucking heart. He sold his couch for cash and I fucking cried over him,” she said as the SUV of Shame pulled away.

Brittany and Andrew had a very civilized conversation, agreeing to part ways to purse Tyler and Jessenia, respectively.

Thankfully, we finally got to see Serene reunite with Brandon and it was as adorable and heart-swelling as it needed to be. They told each other they loved each other and can we just skip to the end where these two get engaged already?

That left Victoria and Johnny, who claimed to be falling for Victoria and looked genuinely stricken when she told him about her date with Alex.

There then followed a long, circular conversation about how Alex checked boxes for Victoria, whether Victoria did or didn’t have a list of requirements for Johnny to fulfil, and whether Johnny was or wasn’t ready for an engagement, not to mention marriage and a family, which Victoria wanted, like, yesterday.

I still don’t know the answer after all that talk but heads up! Alex, Tyler and Adam were heading to the beach.

Tyler and Brittany reaffirmed their interest in each other and then there was this weird situation where Jessenia pulled Tyler away for a private chat. And it was totally stupid because we all know that Jessenia likes Andrew. It was meant to support the fiction of a feud between the original women and the new women. And really, producers, really?

Johnny, meanwhile, said he felt sick to his stomach watching Victoria with Alex. Those two went for a talk of their own, also without a resolution. It would seem to be pretty clear cut: if Johnny is unwilling to commit and Alex shares Victoria’s desire to start a family pronto, wouldn’t Alex be Victoria’s match, no matter the quality of the breakfasts with Johnny? Victoria, however, said she was still confused.

It appears that she will stay confused next week. Also, the producers will play a dirty trick on Rodney by bringing Justin back to go on a date with Eliza. I like Justin, but this is what we’re doing now? Bringing back people who didn’t get roses just to cause mayhem?

Also, Hayden and the twins from Rachel’s and Gabby’s season turn up. And why? Nobody cares about the twins, nobody cares about Hayden.

But if you’re still watching, you can tune in next Monday and Tuesday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Watchable on Crave, Netflix, CBC Gem Oct. 24 to 30, 2022

SHOW OF THE WEEK: The White Lotus (Oct. 30, HBO/Crave)

Haley Lu Richardson and Jennifer Coolidge with Sabrina Impacciatore in “The White Lotus.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Fabio Lovino/HBO

Leave it to Tanya McQuoid, the rich tourist brought to absurdly funny life by Jennifer Coolidge, to voice two lines that perfectly encapsulate the satire in Mike White’s Emmy-winning anthology series “The White Lotus.”

“Whenever I stay at a White Lotus I always have a memorable time,” she tells Valentina (Sabrina Impacciatore), the tightly wound manager welcoming another boatload of self-absorbed Americans to a White Lotus resort, this one in Sicily. It’s a line that’s a masterpiece of understatement if you remember the events of the Hawaii-set first season.

Later, while lamenting the departure of now-husband Greg (Jon Gries) — remember him? — who has flown home for what may or may not be a business emergency, Tanya asks her bored assistant Portia (Haley Lu Richardson), “Do you think I’m oblivious?”

“No,” Portia lies.

“I sometimes think I should have started that spa for poor women with that girl from Maui. She was a real healer, the real deal,” Tanya says, referencing the resort employee she screwed over in Season 1. But then the obliviousness kicks back in as Tanya ventures that healers are witchy and that one might have put a curse on her.

For this latest lot of spoiled, blinkered travellers, everything that goes wrong is always someone else’s fault.

The boat also brings grandfather Bert (F. Murray Abraham), father Dominic (Michael Imperioli) and son Albie (Canadian Adam DiMarco), ostensibly there to explore their Sicilian roots although what they end up laying bare is a family history of womanizing.

Newly rich guy Ethan (Will Sharpe) and his judgmental wife Harper (Aubrey Plaza) are travelling with his former college roommate, finance bro Cameron (Theo James), and wife Daphne (Meghann Fahy). Harper considers Cameron’s and Daphne’s frequent PDAs to be fake and Cameron finds Harper emasculating, but neither marriage stands up to close scrutiny.

Throw in gay expat Quentin (Tom Hollander), who takes Tanya under his wing after Greg’s desertion; his “nephew” Jack (Leo Woodall), a bad boy for whom Portia abandons a budding romance with sweetly idealistic Albie; and a couple of young Italian women, Lucia (Simona Tabasco) and Mia (Beatrice Granno), who troll the hotel for rich Americans to finance their ambitions and let the games begin.

Like Season 1, Season 2 of “The White Lotus” begins with a dead body. Whether that person’s identity and cause of death will be as momentous as the first season’s remains to be seen (I screened five of the seven episodes).

Other familiar beats include the Cristobal Tapia de Veer music; the creepy opening credits (although the lush images in this instance turn more sexual than menacing); and footage of water as a metaphor for the turmoil in the guests’ lives.

But this time around, the tourists’ casual destructiveness wreaks havoc on each rather than the staff. Themes of class, conspicuous consumption and environmental degradation are superseded by ones of sexism, gender conflict and toxic masculinity.

One thing that hasn’t changed are the ever blurring lines between heroes and villains.

Albie, for instance, accuses his father and grandfather of being nostalgic for “the salad days of the patriarchy,” and defends escorts Mia and Lucia as “victims of a fucked up system,” which doesn’t stop him from paying for sex.

For me, this season took a little longer to find its footing and I missed Murray Bartlett’s Armond and his epic grudge match with guest-from-hell Shane (Jake Lacy). But there’s still pleasure to be had watching this particular group of self-deluded visitors and waiting for their inevitable unravelling.

Odds and Ends

Daphne Hoskins and Rupert Grint in “Guillermo del Toro’s Cabinet of Curiosities.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Ken Woroner/Netflix © 2022

I didn’t have time to screen it, but I’d say your best bet on Netflix this week would be “Guillermo del Toro’s Cabinet of Curiosities” (Oct. 25), an anthology series of eight horror stories, each handled by a director hand-picked by del Toro with what looks to be an impressive cast. Netflix also has the documentary “Fugitive: The Curious Case of Carlos Ghosn” (Oct. 26); the thriller film “The Good Nurse” (Oct. 26), starring Jessica Chastain and Eddie Redmayne; the new competition series “Drink Masters” (Oct. 28); true crime docuseries “I Am a Stalker” (Oct. 28); and animated film “Wendell & Wild” (Oct. 28), which reunites Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele.

If you’re a fan of crossword puzzles, you’ll probably enjoy the documentary “Across and Down,” airing on CBC’s “The Passionate Eye” Oct. 28 at 9 p.m. and on CBC Gem. It might surprise you to consider that something as innocuous seeming as a crossword clue can be loaded with gender and racial bias. The doc checks in with various people who love crosswords and their efforts to open up their creation to a more diverse group of cruciverbalists. CBC and CBC Gem also have “Ridley Road” (Oct. 24, 9 p.m.), a British period drama about a young Jewish woman going undercover with members of the neo-Nazi National Socialist Movement in the 1960s.

Disney Plus offerings this week include Season 2 of “The Mysterious Benedict Society” (Oct. 26) and yet another “Star Wars” spinoff, “Tales of the Jedi” (Oct. 26), six animated shorts featuring Jedi parables.

Finally, Prime Video has “High School” (Oct. 28), based on the memoir by Canadian twin sisters and singer/songwriters Tegan and Sara about growing up in Calgary in the 1990s; and “The Devil’s Hour” (Oct. 28), starring Jessica Raine as a woman woken every night at exactly 3:33 a.m. by terrifying visions and Peter Capaldi as the sinister target of a police manhunt.

NOTE: The listings here are in Eastern Standard Time and I’ve verified the times where possible, but it’s always best to check listings for your own area. The selection of programs reviewed reflects what I’m given access to by networks and streamers, whether reviews are embargoed, how many shows I have time to watch and my own personal taste. The Odds and Ends section includes shows that I have not watched.

‘Bachelor in Paradise’ recap: fresh blood, broken bonds

New guys Tyler Norris, Alex Bordyukov, Adam Todd, Rick Leach and Olu Onajide in the “Bachelor
in Paradise” version of Casa Amor. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Welcome to Bachelor in Love Island.

Not content to present the most over-produced season of “Bachelor in Paradise” to date, the franchise masterminds decided to rip off rival show “Love Island” this week.

Instead of that show’s Casa Amor, I give you the Estates at Vidanta, which is where seven of the eight “Paradise” women were shipped while their men stayed at Playa Escondida with five comely new arrivals to tempt them.

But don’t worry, the disconsolate women got five new boy toys of their own to distract them.

Here’s the thing: if I wanted to watch “Love Island” I’d watch “Love Island,” but I don’t because who has that kind of time, plus I tried it and it just didn’t grab me. What I want is to watch people whose faces I recognize and sometimes even like hook up on a beach and maybe emerge from the heat and crabs affianced.

“Paradise” is the only show in the Bachelor franchise that consistently results in engagements, and even marriages and offspring, so why mess with that?

On the other hand, Tuesday’s episode sure zipped by compared to the ridiculousness that was Monday night’s. Up until the fireworks with Peter and Brittany on Monday it was basically like a math exercise as the excess men obsessed over how there were 12 of them and only seven women. (In the end only two men were sent home, Justin and James, since Casey and Peter basically self-eliminated and Michael got saved; more on that later.)

At the very least on Tuesday, it was interesting to see who stayed true to their OG connections — hello Brandon, Johnny and Aaron — and who couldn’t wait to sample the fresh blood, with their “new beach Paradise smell,” as Johnny put it.

Jacob, for instance, despite claiming to have “something real” with Jill, wasted little time getting mouth to mouth and crotch to crotch with newcomer Kate from Clayton’s “Bachelor” season.

Andrew and Logan at least put up a little resistance before smooching Jessenia (Matt’s season) and Sarah (Clayton’s season), respectively.

Rodney was clearly thrilled to see Eliza, also from Clayton’s season, who was on his list of women he wanted to meet in Paradise, a list that I presume poor Lace did not make. By the time Rodney and Eliza went off on their date they were in the running for cutest couple on the beach. Sorry, Brandon and Serene.

(The fifth newcomer was Florence from “Bachelor in Paradise Australia,” but nobody’s going to pursue her. If they wanted to parachute in people from other spinoffs, hello, “Bachelor in Paradise Canada”! Your neighbours to the north.)

From left, Victoria, Jill, Brittany, Genevieve, Shanae, Lace and Serene in their new digs.

The women at Casa Vidanta played harder to get despite the hunkiness of their newbies: Tyler from Gabby and Rachel Recchia’s season; Olu and Rick from Michelle’s season; Alex from Rachel Lindsay’s season — speaking of “Bachelor in Paradise Canada,” yo, Alex — and Adam from “Bachelorette Australia.”

But Jill and Lace were practically prostrate with grief over leaving Jacob and Rodney. Genevieve and Serene were resolutely sticking with Aaron and Brandon, and Victoria was staying true to Johnny, for now anyway. So that left Brittany and Shanae, who both zeroed in on a very ripped Tyler.

Brittany got in the first kiss; Shanae invited him on the first date, one of those stupid tantric yoga things. But her plans to take him to the boom boom room were foiled when Jill stopped by for a whinge. Nice job, producers!

Lace, meanwhile, after nearly crying her false eyelashes off, caught an SUV over to the Playa — funny how easily the “you have to stay away for a week” rule is broken for the sake of drama — to check up on her fella.

As the episode ended — To Be Continued, dontcha know — it looked like “Hurricane Lace” was about to break when she spied Rodney and Eliza, still giddy from their one-on-one, walking down the steps to the beach hand in hand.

But seriously, should you really expect monogamy from someone you’ve known for mere days?

I love to see bona fide couples emerge from “Paradise” but in the incestuous world of “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” alumni, these cast members are hitting the beach with wish lists in hand and taking roses wherever they can get ’em just to stay in play.

Rodney seems like a genuinely nice guy who wouldn’t purposely hurt anybody, but did anyone really look at him and Lace together and think happily ever after? Same goes for Jill, who had one (nude) date with Jacob, and Brittany, who did little more with Andrew than smooch him on a beach bed.

I’m a wee bit surprised that Johnny and Victoria, and Aaron and Genevieve are as solid as they seem (next week’s dalliance between Victoria and Alex notwithstanding), but I probably wouldn’t be if we got to see more footage of them together instead of wasting our time on distractions like Ashley and Jared, and Pizza Pete.

Some observations:

I know we all loved Michael Allio when he was on Katie’s “Bachelorette” season, but that was before he fobbed off Sierra by saying he wasn’t ready to move on from the death of his wife. I’m sorry, but if you’re not ready to move on what the hell are you doing on a beach full of hotties in black bar-inducing bikinis? Michael is clearly the producers’ golden boy because why else would they parachute in Danielle from Nick’s season, someone whose DMs he happened to have slid into, just before a rose ceremony that was going to send Michael home? He was still expressing doubts about moving on during his one-on-one with Danielle, who seems like a perfectly nice, sensible woman, but decided she was “scarred” enough for him to date, having lost her fiancé to a drug overdose. She was the only woman spared removal to Casa Vidanta, since she and Michael were still out on their date when the switcheroo took place — another bit of favouritism that gives Michael better odds of bonding with her.

There was no reason to bring “Pizza Pete” from Michelle’s season to the beach other than to stir up drama. The pepperoni narcissist is so clearly not husband material I’m surprised he got anyone to date him, but Brittany took the bullet and then, because she didn’t want to kiss his smug face, got derided as a “clout chaser.” This from the guy who’s consistently used his time on the franchise to talk up his pizza chain. It was rather delicious watching Brittany and Jill, and a few of the guys, hound him off the beach after Casey spilled the beans that he’d been trash talking Brittany. Did Casey really do that because he thought it would get him a rose? Of course not. It was more producer interference. Casey passed out when the hubbub got to be too much for him, apparently seriously injuring his foot, it should be noted, but you have to admit: being carted off in an ambulance is a way more memorable exit than slinking off after you fail to get a rose.

Who the hell thought Ashley and Jared deserved a multi-episode arc and even a spot in the opening theme song? They are NOT a “Paradise” success story so why are they being held up as one? As I recall, Jared basically left Ashley crying her infamous tears during two seasons of “Paradise” and then strung her along a while longer until she started dating Kevin Wendt after “Bachelor Winter Games” and that’s when he decided he wanted to be with her. To let them eat up precious air time that could have gone to this season’s developing couples was a travesty; to pretend they needed to come to Mexico to rekindle their sex life a farce. If they want to bonk, let them ship their kid off to grandma like normal married people and stay the hell out of the boom boom room.

One thing not in abundance this season are roses. With just two ceremonies in — yikes! – seven episodes and nine more episodes to go, it’s going to be a long fall, especially if we have to endure more over-produced nonsense. But being a sucker for punishment I will recap the rest of the season, starting with next week’s episodes, airing Monday and Tuesday at 8 p.m. on Citytv.

But I’m not enough of a sucker to write two weekly recaps, so I’ll do both in one go, posting Wednesday mornings. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

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