Yes, it’s been a while. Work (Toronto Star work) has been as all-consuming as usual. There were holidays to get through and another bout of COVID. I’m still watching and thinking and writing about TV as much as ever. Unfortunately, I’m not sharing that here these days.
I watched “The Golden Wedding,” as I’m sure all the other Bachelor followers did. There was so much I loved about it: seeing all the Bachelor alumni who turned up, especially the Golden Bachelor cast members; Susan officiating the wedding; Kathy taking over the red carpet, which is hard to do when you’re standing next to Charity; the bachelorette party and seeing the women getting spicy with the strippers.
I sure hope all the reports that came out about Gerry being a cheap so-and-so to his last girlfriend and arguing with Theresa about a prenup were exaggerations and that the two of them will be genuinely happy. They sure seemed to be at the wedding ceremony. But yeah, not sure how much I trust this franchise, even though they did a great job with “The Golden Bachelor.”
Sounds like “Golden Bachelorette” is a thing, for real, and that runner-up Leslie Fhima will be the lead. I will be really curious to see if Chad Kultgen’s prediction on a recent episode of the Game of Roses podcast comes true, about the end of Bachelor in Paradise. If future seasons suck as much as the last one did I won’t miss it at all. But if that is the case, I suspect that Bachelor in Paradise Canada will also be officially toast and not just on hiatus, which disappoints me.
Unfortunately, I will not be recapping Joey Graziadei’s Bachelor season. My editing and writing schedule at the Star just doesn’t leave time anymore. I will be watching and likely live-tweeting though. I’m @realityeo on Twitter and I would love to tweet with y’all.
As for what else I’ve been up to, I recently wrote a story about a new CBC sitcom called “One More Time.” The creator and lead is a hard-of-hearing standup comedian named D.J. Demers. You can read about it here.
I also wrote a story in December about how some recent period dramas have been unsatisfying, namely “The Gilded Age” and “The Buccaneers.” I hate-watched the latter, to be honest. That story is here.
And just out this Saturday is my list of 12 new shows that I think are worth watching in 2024, which you can find here.
Coming up next week, I have an interview with Hamza Haq about the end of “Transplant,” which airs its series finale on Friday, and I will be writing about the Emmy Awards on Monday night.
I wish you all a happy new year. Try to stay warm and healthy.
Grace Dove as Aline Spears in “Bones of Crows.” PHOTO CREDIT: Farah Nosh/Ayasew Ooskana Pictures
Good lord, how is it mid-September already?
I’m going to be honest, this summer has been a blur, particularly this last couple of weeks with the Toronto International Film Festival happening, which has meant extra editing work and trying to fit some screenings into my already packed schedule.
I managed to see seven of the nine offerings in the TIFF Primetime program, a small sampling of TV titles that screens alongside the movies, and I wrote about them for the Toronto Star here.
I also interviewed Marie Clements, writer and director, and Grave Dove, lead actor of “Bones of Crows,” a five-part drama about the effects on Indigenous families of residential schools in Canada that is worth your time. You can read about that on Sunday, Sept. 17, at thestar.com/entertainment.
Next up, I’ll be interviewing the children of Mr. Dressup about the new documentary “Mr. Dressup: The Magic of Make-Believe.” I got to see the world premiere at TIFF and it will stream on Prime Video on Oct. 10.
So sorry that I haven’t been able to recap The Bachelorette here. It has been an entertaining as well as a fast season, but my Toronto Star duties have kept me too busy to write it up every week. Fingers crossed I’ll be able to clear some time in my schedule for “Bachelor in Paradise” and “The Golden Bachelor.” (How about that Gerry, huh? Did you love him on “Men Tell All”?)
What I have been doing, alongside my full-time editing job, plus writing features here and there (less these days with the writers’ and actors’ strikes), is filing a weekly streaming/binging guide called “The Watch List.”
Once a week might not sound like much work but, of course, I have to watch (or in some cases rewatch) the shows I write about and then create a hopefully cogent and entertaining review.
Since I’ve been barred from posting links to my work on Facebook, I thought I would post them here for anyone who was interested. And if you can find it in your heart and wallet to subscribe to the Star, there is a lot of excellent work being done, including really valuable political and investigative reporting, that goes far beyond my modest contributions.
So this weekend’s Watch List was about “Star Trek: Strange New Worlds” and “Star Trek: Picard,” which you can find here.
Last week’s covered “The Bear” and “Julia,” both of which I reviewed previously on the Watchable list.
And the week before that was a special Watch List that featured several shows that dealt with class because the entire Saturday section that week was about economic class and how artists and works of art deal with it.
Hope you’re all having a great summer. Until next post . . .
The final players of “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” Season 2: Chelsea, Austin, Lisa, Connor, Joey, Tessa, Matia, Celine, Garrett, Meagan, Juan Pablo and Ana. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Citytv
SPOILER ALERT: If you haven’t seen the “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” Season 2 finale there are spoilers ahead.
If Sunday’s “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” is the last episode we ever get at least it went out with a bang and by bang I mean an engagement.
Season 2 improved on the performance of the 2021 edition, which produced just one couple (who are no longer together). On Sunday, there were three: Austin Tinsley and Chelsea Vaughn (duh), Joey Kirchner and Tessa Tookes, and Garrett Aida and Meagan Morris.
And who got the brass ring, er, the engagement ring? Why, the Alberta cowboy and the Brooklyn singer. Despite having been an item for only a couple of weeks of Paradise time (six episodes for those of us at home), Joey and Tessa became affianced.
And not just that, they made “Bachelor” franchise history, according to Citytv, when Tessa became the first woman on any show to propose. More on that later.
First let’s rewind to the beginning of the episode.
They mysterious lady in red who interrupted Matia’s goodbye last week was — double duh — Celine. (And in the interest of pinpoint accuracy, she was wearing red shorts and a bikini top, not a dress or romper, as I said last week.)
Following Matia’s realization that a pair of comely breasts (hello Krissy) did not trump an emotional connection, Celine came back to get her man and, in a roller-coaster of an episode, this was one of the high points as Matia and Celine hugged, kissed and cried. (Not gonna lie, I cried too.) I’m a little fuzzy on the timing since we last saw Celine on FaceTime from the Edmonton airport on her way to Calgary, but apparently she made it home for one night and then flew back the next morning.
And anyway, who cares? As Austin said, “I’ve never seen a more beautiful moment here in Paradise than that moment right here.”
Hold that heartwarming thought.
Clearly, Paradise was coming to an end and the new cast spigot had been turned off, so Sam, having been dumped by Cole, and newbie Marilyn, who had one inconsequential date with Connor, wisely decided to leave.
They left behind six couples, including Connor and Lisa, and Juan Pablo and Ana.
Noah Erb and Abigail Heringer came to Ontario to show everyone there is love after Paradise.
Cue an American Paradise couple come to give everyone a pep talk: Noah Erb and Abigail Heringer. If you’re a franchise watcher you’ll recall that they met in Season 7 of “Bachelor in Paradise,” broke up before the season ended then got back together again after.
“You guys are in positions where you don’t have to make it that hard,” Noah told the Canadian-American couples. “You guys still have the opportunity to, if you really are feeling that with somebody, go all the way, make sure they know it, or if you’re really not, make sure they know it.”
Alas, Lisa decided to take the latter part of that advice.
As the couples walked a red carpet as part of a casino night group date, Lisa said in her in-the-moment that she needed to get some things off her chest. “I so badly just want to have a happy ending with Connor. There’s just stuff I need to say about how I feel. I just can’t stay silent.”
As if that wasn’t foreshadowing enough, at a game that involved the contestants placing bets on each other, Lisa was singled out as the person most likely to get cold feet.
The question, I suppose, was how warm had Lisa’s feet been to begin with?
Not very was the impression left during a chat between Connor and his friend Noah. After Noah concluded that Lisa hadn’t fully invested in Connor, Connor started having “a slight panic attack” in his ITM, getting lightheaded and having trouble breathing.
Unfortunately, this was not a production fakeout; Connor was about to get his heart broken.
Connor Brennan and Lisa Mancini at casino night before things fell completely apart.
Connor and Lisa went to have a chat. When Connor asked Lisa if she wanted to see him outside of Paradise, she sighed and said, “Ah, Connor,” adding, “I don’t think this is good for either of us.”
Connor interpreted her response as her turtling to protect herself emotionally. Lisa said in her ITM that Connor checked a lot of boxes, but “something’s missing there.”
Whatever the case, they went their separate ways. “I’m leaving sad again,” said Connor, who previously struck out on both “The Bachelorette” and “Bachelor in Paradise” U.S. And honestly, that makes me a little sad.
Somebody else appeared to be struggling during the casino night. That would be Joey, especially after the other contestants voted him and Tessa most likely to leave engaged.
One never knows how much of what’s said in ITMs is what players really feel and how much is torqued to serve a plot line, but Joey seemed genuinely uneasy as the end of Paradise drew near. Although he is an actor so . . .
Tessa reassured Joey that she was all in, but his uneasiness carried over into the fantasy suite.
Because yes, it was fantasy suite time. And, as host Sharleen Joynt made clear, that was no place for couples who weren’t falling in love or already there. So that ruled out Ana Cruz and Juan Pablo Osorio, and Matia and Celine.
Matia Marcantuoni and Celine Paquette left Paradise together, but who knows what happened then?
Despite their heartfelt reunion, Celine noted, “We’re not in love with each other yet. We’re not boyfriend and girlfriend.”
So they left Paradise arm in arm hoping for the best. I have no idea if they got it. Too bad we didn’t get a reunion show to figure this stuff out.
As for Ana and Juan, Ana wanted to go to the fantasy suite, but it was clearly game over as soon as Juan told her, “You genuinely are an amazing person” — without even making eye contact. “To go into the fantasy suite and explore this with you, I’m not ready,” he added.
They left, definitely not together.
Austin and Chelsea seemed the most solid as they ventured into the fantasy suite. Chelsea sent Austin on a scavenger hunt of Paradise places where they had key moments, including her Episode 1 “nip slip,” their first kiss, the first place she said she was falling for him, etc., culminating in the prize of her and a bottle of champagne, and a toast to “leaving here together.”
Garrett and Meagan also made it to the fantasy suite, with Garrett telling Meagan, “We’re genuinely, like, on the road to falling in love.” I’m not sure if, like the road to hell, that one is paved with good intentions, but it worked well enough for Meagan.
And then there were Joey and Tessa. Joey was still expressing doubts, specifically in his own emotions, but they went to the fantasy suite nonetheless. “We at least owe it to ourselves to see what it would be like to be with each other and then from there we can decide what we’re gonna do,” he said.
The theme of Joey being afraid he was going to break Tessa’s heart continued into the ITMs, even as they sat on the bed together. The next morning, Tessa told Joey that when they discussed what they’d do outside of Paradise, “I didn’t expect one of those options to be leaving here without me.”
But Joey said Tessa had “talked me off the ledge.”
Whether there really was a ledge, or just an effort to build some suspense going into proposal day, only they and the producers know for sure. But it’s not a stretch to think you’d be scared out of your gourd at the thought of potentially proposing to someone you’d known for two weeks.
As for Austin and Chelsea, he said waking up next to her was “bliss” and “I can’t wait for whatever tomorrow brings and the rest of the years.”
Garrett said he and Meagan had “cracked the code.”
Garrett Aida and Meagan Morris exchange final roses and “I love you’s” on the beach.
They were first up on the final rose deck. And apparently that road to love of which Garrett spoke was more like an autobahn, because he told Meagan, “I love you” and she said it back, both of them shedding happy tears, and they exchanged final roses and walked off hand in hand.
Next!
Chelsea told Austin that “falling for someone this quickly in an environment like this is something that scares the shit out of me, but I’m gonna try to take a page out of your book and lean into that instead of running away from it, and I can confidently say that I love you Austin.”
Austin Tinsley and Chelsea Vaughn left Paradise with full hearts.
“I love you too,” Austin said. And that was a feeling “I’m gonna run towards every day of my life.”
No, there was no ring, but it was a sweet conclusion for Paradise’s longest standing couple.
Finally, we came to Joey and Tessa. The former had put his cowboy hat and boots back on for the big occasion, which was fitting since Tessa called him her “disco cowboy.”
There were feels right from the get-go as a clearly emotional Joey told Tessa, “You’ve only known me for a very short period of time and you already made me a better person, and I can’t thank you enough for that. And I love you.”
After saying the L-word back, Tessa told Joey that “through the ups, the downs last night, us just trying to figure it out, I’ve just got nothing but confidence that you and I can take on the world.”
And then she posed a question: “Joey Blake Kirchner, will you be my Joey for the rest of my life?” A choked up Joey said “Yeah” and she slipped a woven orange and yellow and brown ring on his finger.
No, what? I’m not crying.
Joey Kirchner pops a version of the question to Tessa Tookes on the Paradise Canada finale.
“As hard as you can try you’ll never be able to one up me,” said Joey, pulling a ring box out of his back pocket and getting on one knee. “Tessa Tookes, you want to go to the disco with me?”
“Let’s go baby, ” Tessa replied.
It was lovely and totally on brand. You wouldn’t expect Joey to say anything as conventional as “Will you marry me?” would you?
How can you not be grinning ear to ear after a finisher like that?
The episode ended with the three happy couples hanging out and cheers-ing to “finding love in Paradise.”
So even though we didn’t get a reunion, I do have a little intel on what happened after the fact. The good news is that Joey and Tessa, and Austin and Chelsea are still together, the former in Toronto, the latter in New York. If you hop over to thestar.com/television you can read my interview with the four of them.
Garrett and Meagan did not last, unfortunately, and I have no further info about that.
All in all, it was a good season. Since Citytv has put the show on hiatus for at least 2024 there’s no telling if it will ever come back. If this is all we get at least we went out on a high.
Good luck to Joey and Tessa, and Austin and Chelsea.
At some point I hope to start recapping “The Bachelorette” if my crazy schedule allows, but it won’t be till late July at the earliest.
Yes, two new women hit the beach: Marilyn Smith and Krissy Kennedy. Neither will be here for a long time, as the theme song says, perhaps not even a good time. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Citytv
Is it still summer where you are? I think winter is coming on “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.”
There was a melancholy, elegiac feel to Sunday’s episode, the second last of the season — maybe even the show as a whole?
Couples were breaking up, people were leaving. Part of the impetus for Paradise falling apart, to use Lisa’s words, was the arrival of two new women: fan contestants Marilyn Smith and Krissy Kennedy, 20-somethings from Toronto and Vancouver respectively.
It is laughable, of course, to believe that anyone arriving at this stage of the game stands a chance in hell of finding “love,” let alone any kind of viable connection. The point is to stir shit up, because god forbid we have an episode where we just watch people who are into each other making out and hanging with their friends.
So Marilyn and Krissy arrived with date cards in hand and a bit of attitude — Krissy: “I am a part-time student and a full-time bad bitch.” OK, yawn — and quickly asked Connor and Matia to go on dates with them.
There were two narratives at play here: one, that despite Lisa finally being all in on Connor, he would ditch her for Marilyn; two, that Matia would lean fully into his f-boy reputation and dump Celine for Krissy, despite having just spent the night in the boom boom room with the former.
The first was ridiculous. Look, I’m not going to pretend I know what was going through Connor’s mind. Yes, Marilyn seemed like a nice enough woman and I imagine going jet-skiing together would be fun, which is the underwhelming adjective that Connor kept using to describe Marilyn. But the whole “I want to get to know her a little bit more” plot line reeked of producer manipulation.
Connor Brennan gets to know Marilyn Smith after their “fun” jet-ski date.
Maybe Connor did kiss Marilyn (repeatedly according to her) because he was subconsciously trying to push Lisa away and avoid getting hurt, but Marilyn never seemed like a genuine threat to his relationship with Lisa.
That impression was sealed during a conversation between Connor and Marilyn that was singularly lacking in chemistry and depth. In between the awkward pauses, Marilyn told Connor she had come to the beach hoping to find love, but she had never had a relationship, apparently because no one she had dated had met her high bar.
Connor said that was a red flag. Ya think?
So Connor went back to Lisa, telling her of Marilyn, “That ain’t it.” Tell us something we didn’t already know.
As for Matia and Krissy, it seemed initially that all the progress made raising Matia in our estimation through his relationship with Celine was about to come undone.
Not to put too fine a point on it, the dude seemed to be thinking with his little Matia.
The buxom Krissy was Matia’s type physically, “probably the best looking girl I’ve seen here,” and he told Krissy he’d formed “no real connection” in Paradise, which surely would have come as news to Celine the day after they slept together.
Matia reasoned in his in-the-moment interview that despite his “great connection” with Celine, “I do feel it’s something just in Paradise because I feel like I know as soon as I’m out in the real world that’s gonna be super challenging to keep that going.”
So Matia proceeded to form a deep, tongue-first connection with Krissy’s lips.
Matia Marcantuoni’s jet-ski ride with Krissy Kennedy wasn’t so smooth. I guess the smooching was.
Personally, I think Matia should have interpreted his overturning the jet ski and dumping himself and Krissy into the cold lake as an omen, but instead he confessed to Celine that he had kissed Krissy and would “like to take another day just to see if there’s actually something there and if there was then I just wouldn’t waste your time.”
Whether that was Matia’s genuine wish or what production wanted him to say, talk about a slap in the face to Celine!
“I feel like I’ve just been put through so much here and it’s just like I’m at my wit’s end,” said Celine. “I just don’t know how much more I can give to anybody here. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow again and just do this all over. I don’t have it in me anymore.”
That should have been the point where Matia tried to convince Celine to stay but, instead, when she asked him if he had anything else to say, he replied, “No, there’s nothing I want to say right now.”
So Celine left and Matia was free to suck more face with Krissy. And look, I know these episodes are edited like crazy and people might be playing roles as opposed to being themselves, but Krissy’s gloating after Celine left rubbed me the wrong way.
She couldn’t even get Celine’s name right in her ITMs, calling her Seeley and Shanae, and really Matia, this is your pick?
Anyway, Celine’s departure played a role in the brewing drama between Sam and Cole.
It started earlier with Sam urging Cole to go talk to Krissy, even though that wasn’t what she really wanted.
Cole ITMed that Sam was feeling pressure “to be the girl she thinks I want or something” and “at this point with Sam everything we do just feels like an act,” whereas Sam lamented, “Why can’t he just be obsessed with me?”
Still, things seemed normal as Cole comforted a crying Sam after Celine’s departure. And then Sam let slip an “I love you,” which stopped Cole cold as he leaned in for a kiss. But Sam quickly course-corrected that she “never meant that” and they finished the kiss. In his ITM, however, Cole said Sam’s outburst “seemed almost manipulative to me and that should speak to the toxicity of the situation.”
Yikes.
Cole Medders and Sam Picco on an earlier episode in the proverbial happier times.
When Sam once again tried to minimize the “dumb” thing she said to Cole, the conversation turned to her reaction to Cole flirting with other people and Cole being annoyed with her saying things she didn’t mean. And it got heated.
“You don’t get to tell me, though, that you’re OK with something and then actually in reality behind the scenes you’re not OK with it. That’s not fair,” Cole said, his voice rising.
“I’ve given you the freedom to, at every turn, without any complaints, to kiss whoever you want, do whatever you want to do. At every turn you’ve kissed whoever you want, Jake, Joey, body shots, whatever, I have never complained or said a thing about it . . . but every time I look or talk or touch another human being you freak the fuck out. How is that fair?”
Sam protested that she had never been upset, but Cole countered that she had and she had punished him. And Sam stopped trying to argue and Cole walked away.
It seems obvious that Cole was cool with Sam being with other guys because he’s just not that into her, which has been apparent almost from the beginning of their coupling up, whereas Sam has been very much into Cole. So when Cole said it was a one-way street, he was right, though perhaps not in the way he meant: Sam seemed to really care about him; he seemed to just be killing time.
Cole said in his ITM, “I’m not proud of myself for the way I raised my voice or voiced those feelings, but they’ve been there for a while, they’ve been bubbling below the surface and I felt really trapped by her for a while now. I’m just, I’m done.”
And he was, although he waited until the next day to leave, first apologizing to Sam for not giving her “everything that you wanted or needed.” He had the cheek to ask for one last kiss before walking off the beach, though. Sam gave it to him, of course.
It’s not that things were all doom and breakups at the Christie’s Mill Inn and Spa.
Garrett and Meagan, for instance, went on a yoga date and apparently something about Meagan teaching Garrett yoga helped them understand each other better? I don’t know.
Tessa Tookes and Joey Kirchner have become one of the more solid couples on the beach.
Tessa and Joey became the first couple to lob a fully formed L-bomb — or a mutual one, anyway, leaving aside Sam’s dud. They exchanged “I love you’s” and Joey said in his ITM he never had anyone understand him “to the depths that Tessa does.” Even Austin and Chelsea, the dad and mom of the beach, haven’t gotten past the “falling in” stage yet. Go figure.
And Connor and Lisa had a special “date” in which she shared her love of painting with him and he shared his love of music via portable keyboard and sang a song, the chorus of which was “I believe it’s what you say, not the time you take to say it.”
Do I expect to be humming it in the days ahead? No, but it was kind of sweet, and I have been a Connor and Lisa shipper since the beginning.
But we’re not done with Matia yet. Turns out Celine left him a note, which Matia took to a deserted dock (well, except for the camera person) to read. It looked like it was in Celine’s actual handwriting, although the cynic in me is tempted to think this was all part of a grander production plan. You know, give Matia a heel turn by having him turn his back on Celine and then voila! A letter convinces him to do the right thing. Redemption all around.
Mind you, Matia seemed genuinely emotional after reading the note, which said in part, “Thank you for allowing me to get to know the true you. Thank you for all the laughs. You always made me feel special in every way you knew how.”
Is it any wonder that Matia decided he made a mistake throwing Celine over for Krissy? Like, duh.
He FaceTimed Celine, apparently while she was in Edmonton to catch a connecting flight to Calgary. There were tears on both sides as Matia told Celine he had underestimated their connection, he was sorry and he’d like to stay in touch outside Paradise.
“A lot of people say I’m very closed off, but I think at the end of the day it really just takes the right girl and I think Celine was that girl,” said Matia. Also, “I realize it’s not always about looks.”
Speaking of looks, Matia broke the news to Krissy that he was still into Celine and he was leaving, although Krissy chose to interpret his departure as having nothing to do with any feelings for Celine because, you know, having known Matia for about 24 hours she was clearly the expert.
“I think Matia is ending things because he doesn’t want to come off as like the fuck boy of the season,” she said. Then she added, “Matia doesn’t have much more going for him than his looks” and “Matia is more boring than a sack of hammers. Goodbye. Get me out of here.”
With pleasure, Krissy. Buh bye.
And then, just as Matia took his leave of all his Paradise pals, saying, “I gotta go get Celine,” a brunette walked over to the group in a red dress or romper, and people squealed. Lisa called it “the biggest shock of Paradise” in her ITM. Given that Matia started to wipe his eyes after seeing the mystery woman, I’d bet you dollars to doughnuts that it was Celine coming back to the beach.
We’ll find out in next week’s finale, which also features a casino night; a visit from American “Bachelor in Paradise” couple Abigail Heringer and Noah Erb; a suggestion that all might not be well between Connor and Lisa; Garrett staring at an engagement ring; tears for Joey and Tessa; and a nervous Austin.
You can watch next Sunday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo
Host Sharleen Joynt, guest judge Priyanka and bartender Kevin Wendt reflect how I feel about Knee-Gate during the first “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” roast. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Citytv
Here we are folks, the eighth episode of “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” and since everybody has stopped kissing everybody else with wild abandon (except for Ana, more on her later) our best bet for drama is . . . more Knee-Gate? Really?
Yes, Maria and Tessa were still sniping at each other over the fact Maria touched Joey’s knee on last week’s episode.
To quote Austin on the subject, “I don’t know, dawg.”
How convenient that the first ever “Paradise Roast” happened the day after Tessa and Maria had their set-to. As the cast split into pairs (and one trio) to write their jokes, Tessa and Celine decided to go after their “common enemy,” Maria.
Why was she Celine’s enemy? Um, because Maria supposedly got upset seeing Celine and Matia together, and because she kissed Joey even though she told Celine she wasn’t going to do that in Paradise. First off, thank goodness that happened before Tessa arrived. Secondly, I suspect kissing Joey had a lot to do with guidance from the producers.
Whatever the case, several people made jokes at Maria’s expense, including Sam and Ana, Matia and, of course, Celine and Tessa, who said they’d “both been personally victimized by this season’s most emotional nemesis, Maria.”
I’m sorry, personally victimized? What?
When it was Maria’s turn she told Tessa she was going to make a joke about Joey “and I just wanted to let you know so you don’t think I’m flirting with him.”
Maria’s “joke” for Joey was: “If you’re not allowed to keep your friends in this bubble, what are you gonna do outside of it?”
No, it was not funny and it wasn’t actually a joke, but it raised something I’ve wondered myself: will jealousy get the better of Tessa if she’s in a long-distance relationship with Joey outside Paradise?
A question for another day (and, obviously, one that’s already been answered in the real world since this was all filmed a while ago).
Chelsea Vaughn brought the house down pretending to be Garrett Aida at the Paradise Roast.
Luckily, Connor and Chelsea took the stage with some jibes that were less mean-spirited and actually funny. Chelsea brought her fellow contestants to their feet with her impression of Garrett in a bathrobe and sunglasses.
Not surprisingly, the judges — bartender Kevin Wendt, host Sharleen Joynt and drag queen Priyanka — voted Chelsea the roast MVP and she won . . . yeah, a “romantic date.” You didn’t think she was going to win cash or something, did you?
Since this whole exercise is supposedly about people finding love it was good to see them get some alone time to drink Champagne and eat chocolate-covered strawberries and dance to a live performance by Lindsay Ell (yeah, we’re back to the country music, sigh). And Austin asked Chelsea to be his girlfriend, which was adorable.
Austin Tinsley and Chelsea Vaughn, probably the only couple who stand a chance outside Paradise.
They also told each other the next day they were falling in love with each other, so yay them.
You know who else professed to be falling in love? Joey and Tessa. By Tessa’s own admission they had only been together “a couple of days,” which makes the whole Knee-Gate thing seem even more ridiculous.
And sure, people can fall in love in days, but colour me skeptical about the long-term prospects for this one, although who knows?
Meanwhile, Joey had a talk with Maria about Knee-Gate and he totally got why she had touched his knee. “You and I have always had such a flirtatious relationship in our friendship that it’s something you would do without even thinking about doing it, which I totally understand.”
He assured Maria that nothing would get in the way of their friendship, and it would be up to him and Tessa to discuss boundaries in his physical contact with other women. Then Joey and Maria shared a hug.
His assessment of the whole mess? The “stupid drama” should have been “left in last night,” he said in his in-the-moment interview.
So it’s probably a good thing he didn’t see what happened between Maria, Tessa and Celine later.
When Tessa said that she didn’t get Maria’s “joke” about Joey, Maria explained that seeing as Joey was an attractive male model and bartender who interacted with lots of women, “if you have issues with someone who’s been a friend of his for seven years” — I see we’ve added a year to the friendship — “touching his knee you’re gonna have a lot of issues.”
Celine jumped in, saying that if Maria was friends with Joey, seeing how close he had gotten to Tessa “would have been an opportunity for you to just give them their space and respect that.”
Tessa and Celine tag-teamed again, telling Maria she had a problem with constructive criticism. Maria, Tessa, said didn’t seem to understand the issue.
Well, the issue from where I sit is that a woman who’s known a guy for years touched his knee and the woman he’s been dating for what — two days, three? — got mad about it and wanted to keep banging on about it, although I realize we’re only seeing the edited versions of these conversations.
Should Maria have put on rags and paraded through Paradise while people threw things at her and yelled “Shame!” like she was Cersei bloody Lannister in “Game of Thrones”? I mean seriously. This whole argument was probably inflamed by producer interference, but it seemed to get out of hand.
Maria left the conversation, saying in her ITM she felt bullied. And Lisa, who seemed to be Maria’s only ally, told Josh to go find Maria and comfort her.
That led to a conversation the next day in which Josh suggested he and Maria both leave Paradise to explore their connection in the outside world. Maria seemed skeptical that would actually happen, though, and given that Josh was living in Vancouver and she was in Toronto I can see her point.
Maria Garcia-Sanchez, seen with host Sharleen Joynt, decided to leave Paradise.
When the rose ceremony came, Maria announced that she had been feeling alienated and uncomfortable and sad, and it was time for her to go.
Josh left too and Joey seemed just as skeptical as Maria that he’d make a go of their relationship, saying, “All right, man, see you next year, Season 3.”
The only other drama at the rose ceremony involved whether Ana would give her rose to Juan Pablo Osorio or Edward Naranjo. She did seem genuinely torn. She had sexual chemistry with Juan but questioned if an emotional connection would follow, whereas Edward was the comfortable but less passionate choice.
I guessed last week she’d go with the safe option, but I clearly underestimated the appeal of a dancing vagina because Ana chose Juan.
Also, there were a couple of red herrings in last week’s promo to be cleared up. It looked like Meagan was going to get her heart broken, but she and Garrett were still a thing by episode’s end, albeit not quite speaking the same language.
And while Connor did indeed tell Lisa, “If it’s not a hell yes it’s a hell no,” he and Lisa appeared to be in a good place. Apparently humour is her love language, because she seemed to be more into Connor after seeing him perform at the roast.
At the very least, she agreed she would want to date him after Paradise.
“I’m not trying to fucking marry you right now,” Connor clarified.
So will these two crazy kids make a go of it in the real world? Who knows?
In the short term, with two new women hitting the beach next week, it seems someone else will turn Connor’s head. And the new arrivals cause another rift between Cole and Sam, with Cole sniping, “Every time I look or talk or touch another human being you freak the fuck out.” And it seems Celine is also left in the lurch with Matia departing the beach, which must be a real bummer if they went to the boom boom room as they planned.
You can watch next Sunday at at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo
NOTE: I have edited this because I became privy to some new information about Knee-Gate. I’m not going to tell you what or from who, but it seemed fitting to make some adjustments.
It was not so happy trails for for a number of players on Monday’s “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Citytv
Here’s the thing about pickles: they can taste pretty sour. And on Monday’s “Bachelor in Paradise Canada,” several relationship “pickles” were souring the summer camp vibe on the beach.
The central one involved “Big Brother Canada” alum Sam Picco and ex-“Survivor” contestant Cole Medders. They have been a thing since the first episode, although there’s always been a sense that Sam was more emotionally involved than Cole, especially since Cole kept pursuing Lisa Mancini on the side.
And on Monday, Cole got pretty pissy when Sam tried to bring up the subject of love.
“What if I said I was falling in love with you?” she asked. “Have you ever loved somebody?” she persisted when Cole didn’t answer.
“I don’t really like these conversations. I don’t want to explore that stuff,” was Cole’s response.
Dating show contestants like to talk about people putting walls up — Cole was practically putting up a Hoover Dam.
Cole told Sam bluntly, “I am not falling in love,” and OK, fine. I’m guessing they had known each other about two weeks by the time this episode was shot. And there was a context for Cole’s skittishness. In his in-the-moment interview he explained that he had opened up on TV before and got screwed over — presumably talking about his relationship with Jessica Johnston on “Survivor” — “so I am not doing that again.”
But all the same, he was kind of a dick in the way he talked to Sam about it. In his ITM, he said he couldn’t keep leading Sam on, making her think they might have a post-Paradise future, and that they might not even be compatible.
Cole Medders had no time for Lisa Mancini on Monday’s “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.”
Lisa and Cole had been avoiding each other ever since Cole and Sam went to the boom boom room, so Lisa tried to clear the air after Cole pointedly ignored her at the bar.
Cole coldly said in his ITM that part of him wanted to talk to Lisa and be friends, but the other part was “I just don’t care at this point.” So when Lisa approached him, Cole sullenly lied that everything was OK between them and then dismissed her while he continued brooding alone on a bean-bag bed.
Neither Lisa nor Sam was happy the next day. The roomies had compared notes the night before and seemed to be in agreement that Cole was manipulating and bamboozling both of them. Hold that thought.
Lisa was also feeling uncomfortable about her relationship with Connor Brennan. Bottom line: “I don’t know how I feel about Connor.” Yes, she liked him and liked spending time with him, but something was missing, she said more than once.
She was in a . . . wait for it . . . pickle.
Joey, who has essentially become this season’s narrator, said that although Connor and Lisa looked cute together — I totally agree — “girls usually don’t want the cute guy.” Sad face emoji.
OK, back to Sam and Cole.
While Cole was off moping, Sam told Joey and Tessa that she and Cole were done, a point she emphasized in several teary ITMs in which she said she didn’t have anything more to give to Cole. Until she did, that is.
Cole Medders and Sam Picco kissed and made up. Surprise, surprise.
A date card mysteriously appeared for Sam and, duh, she took Cole. All that was required was an hour of horseback riding at Glen Oro Farm in Hawkestone, Ont., an apology from Cole and some kissing, and suddenly all was right with Sam and Cole again, or as right as it could be.
Just as suddenly, Lisa was the villain. Lisa, Sam said, was a “bad person” who wanted to hurt her and Cole was just being genuine. And sorry, but I call bullshit, whether Sam actually believed that or was being told to say it by the producers.
We all watched the footage of Cole sucking face ad nauseam with Lisa. I draw your attention to Episode 5 in which Cole told Lisa, “I really fucking see something here, something that could, like, work in the real world too.” Which sounds an awful lot like “you guys could have a future outside of here,” which is what Sam said she had been told Cole said to Lisa.
Also, it doesn’t sound at all like “As she kept pushing I was, like, ‘Well, we can always talk outside of this later,'” which is what Cole told Sam he said to Lisa.
Look, I get it: a dude might tell a white lie when he’s put on the spot. From the way Cole’s leg jiggled as Sam told him what Lisa had told her, he seemed a little nervous about it.
And yes, I try not to take any of this too seriously: I don’t know any of these people or who they are in the real world, but never once have I had the impression that Lisa is a mean girl who would deliberately try to hurt Sam or anyone else.
So yeah, sorry Sam, I’m still Team Lisa.
Moving on to the night’s other big pickle or double pickles, as it were.
Juan Pablo Osorio, a Colombian-born fitness coach from Toronto, joined the cast. And if you didn’t know he would take Ana Cruz on his date, a Paradise returnee with Colombian heritage, you haven’t been paying attention.
Sure, Ana had been coupled up with American “Bachelorette” alum Edward Naranjo, but she was attracted to Juan’s “perfect smile” and his tattoos.
As Edward said, it was Mexico, his heritage, vs. Colombia.
Juan Pablo Osorio and Ana Cruz on their date, before they got up close and smoochy.
At least Ana hugged Edward goodbye before she and Juan went go-karting, which is more than Austin got when Chelsea went off with Josh last week.
But whereas that date was a production stunt, Ana seemed to be genuinely into Juan, or at least into kissing him. As she put it, “when I kiss Juan my vagina is dancing.”
She still liked Edward, however, even if his kisses didn’t make her lady parts salsa.
“I’m in a pickle. I have two pickles,” she lamented in her ITM. “Do I go for the pickle that’s brand new? Do I risk it or do I go for the pickle that I’ve already established a connection with? There’s too many pickles in Paradise.”
Amen sister!
Ana was still dancing the next day, presumably both her va-jay-jay and the rest of her body: in a salsa dance-off, she shook it with both Juan and Edward and then she had a smooching session with Juan. And, of course, Edward was sitting where he could see them. I can practically hear the producer guiding him to the right chair.
I suspect she will choose the more familiar pickle in the next rose ceremony, whenever that is, but who knows?
During a game of “Truth or Dare,” Tessa noticed that Maria kept touching Joey’s right leg. Tessa said “caressing.” To me, it looked more like resting her hand on it repeatedly.
Tessa Tookes had a message for the other women: hands off Joey Kirchner.
Sure, I get it; if another woman was touching my husband’s leg I’d probably be staring daggers at her too. But then Tessa kept going on and on to Meagan and other people about how Maria was crossing boundaries and not showing respect and only cared about herself to the point that the leg-touching molehill became a mountain.
Joey was very understanding of Tessa’s annoyance and agreed he would keep Maria’s handsyness in check.
And Maria was also conciliatory when Tessa confronted her, saying that’s how she had always been with Joey in the six years they had known each other, but she was happy that Tessa and Joey were together.
“I honestly had no idea I was doing it,” Maria said. “I totally, like, respect your relationship and I would never want to get in between.” But also, Maria said, she is a touchy person and it was hard to turn that off.
Things just disintegrated from there with Maria and Tessa talking over each other and Maria finally walking away in anger, and heading straight over to Connor and Lisa to complain.
Sorry Tessa, but I’m with Lisa here: the leg touch is “a non-issue.” And I would love to put leg-gate behind us for good. But it looks like Tessa and Maria are going to take swipes at each other next week in a “Paradise roast” presided over by drag artist Priyanka.
Also, Connor tells Lisa, “if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no.” Celine puts Matia on the spot, Josh puts Maria on the spot, Meagan appears to be heartbroken and we might even get a rose ceremony.
You can watch next week, but note that “Paradise” is shifting for the rest of the season to Sundays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo
The cast of “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” raises a toast. ALL PHOTOS CITYTV
How do you create interest in a “reality” TV dating show when you’re six episodes in and your core cast is stable, aside from playing some silly kissing games?
You make it look like your most solid couple is in danger of breaking up.
That was the main “plot” in Monday’s episode of “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.”
You’ll recall that last week Vancouver filmmaker Josh Guvi walked back onto the beach. My impression from seeing him in the first season of “Paradise” is that he’s a stand-up dude, which made it suspicious that he would choose Brooklyn model Chelsea to take on his date despite being told by Lisa that she was off limits because of her relationship with Austin.
A more natural choice would have been Maria since she and Josh had been in communication since meeting the previous season and still seemed to be interested in each other.
Josh Guvi and Maria Garcia-Sanchez get reacquainted in Paradise.
Now, can I prove that Chelsea approached Josh for a chat and that Josh then asked her out — right in front of Austin — at the behest of producers? Of course not, but you can draw your own conclusions.
Chelsea said she and Josh had “a lot in common” and that he was everything she was looking for on paper without enumerating what those things were.
Maybe they got into an in-depth conversation about that stuff while they were massaging each other’s asses during their “butt facials” (I googled it, these are actually a thing), but probably not.
The main purpose of the activity was obviously to annoy Austin when Josh and Chelsea returned from the date and told everyone at the bar about their mutual butt fondling.
Mind you, Austin didn’t spend all his time fretting while they were gone. You’ll recall that he had described Tessa as his “type” when she joined the cast last week so, on the theory that he had to test his connection with Chelsea, Austin approached Tessa for a talk and a smooch.
It was less shakeup than fake-out, however, since it didn’t sway Austin’s focus from Chelsea or Tessa’s from Joey.
Joey Kirchner and Tessa Tookes were still into each other on “Bachelor in Paradise.”
As Tessa put it, “I feel actually not super weirded out by the fact that he just kissed Maria and I just kissed Austin. I know in my heart Joey’s connection with me is much stronger and more meaningful and something he wants to pursue.”
Sure, which makes the fact that Joey went to Maria to hash out once and for all whether they were more than friends seem like just another production trick.
But back to Austin and Chelsea.
They didn’t kiss and make up, so to speak, right away. Austin was pissed after hearing that Chelsea smooched Josh. As he put it, “Like what the fuck? I’m coming in with 12 days of me being vulnerable and being the best version of myself that I could be towards you and he just needs a butt facial to do that shit?”
This seems like an accurate summary to me, but Chelsea took issue with Austin’s language and said he was giving “controlling vibes.” She also claimed she wanted more time to talk to Josh and might kiss him again.
Austin seemed genuinely hurt, so perhaps he was not in the loop on the scheme, or just taken aback the fake connection went a little farther than expected.
It was Chelsea’s turn to get annoyed when Austin said he had made out with Tessa multiple times (I think he was exaggerating there), so Chelsea twisted the knife, saying about Josh, “His tongue was in my mouth, if you want clarification.”
Listen, I didn’t need to know that, never mind Austin.
Austin Tinsley and Chelsea Vaughn, still Canadian Paradise’s No. 1 couple.
Both Austin and Chelsea dutifully said in their in-the-moment interviews that they were questioning whether their relationship was salvageable. Chelsea was still (claiming to be?) pissed at Austin the next day for being insecure and petty, and Austin apologized for making her feel rough and not giving her space.
And then — what do you know? — after Josh belatedly realized that he’d been massaging Chelsea’s bum the day after it had been in the boom boom room with Austin, he told her he didn’t want to mess things up between the two of them. Also, he had kissed Maria and found “the passion” he was looking for.
And conveniently, Chelsea suddenly realized that she didn’t want to lose Austin. It only took an hour of screen time for her to get to that place, about an hour longer than everyone watching.
At the cocktail party, Austin and Chelsea were back to kissing and snuggling and laughing. Austin even let the L-word slip in a roundabout way when he said, “I know Joey (is) falling in love too.”
So faux crisis averted: Austin and Chelsea are still Paradise’s No. 1 couple.
Josh’s part in the disruption narrative wasn’t done though.
Even though his rose was clearly bound for Maria, he claimed to be torn after Nithisha laid some very deep kisses on him. As Paige said, they were “sucking face.”
Nithisha gave it her best shot, but the fix was in for Maria.
You know who didn’t kiss for once? Cole and Lisa. They decided they were going to give their bonds with Sam and Connor a chance, and step away from each other.
Now, if you’ve been watching these last six weeks, you’ll have noticed that Sam seems to be more into Cole than he into her, and ditto with Connor and Lisa, or at least it’s been edited that way.
But Cole and Sam decided to take their connection to the next level by visiting the boom boom room. And according to Joey, whose room was nearby, there was “some boom boom for sure.”
Lisa Mancini, centre right, with Paige Allen, has given up on Cole Medders for now.
That didn’t sit well with Lisa, who wouldn’t even speak to Cole the next night when they were both sitting at the bar, and said his actions had pushed her closer to Connor.
There was one genuine surprise among all the predictable couplings: Matia and Celine. The former had disengaged from Maria after not feeling a spark; the latter had been dumped by Joey, and she and Matia had been hanging out as friends ever since.
But they started kissing and then laughing about it, and I have to say it was pretty sweet. It was also fun hearing the gasps at the rose ceremony when Matia gave Celine a kiss after handing over his rose. Who’d have thunk they’d become one of the more adorable couples in Paradise?
As for the rest of the roses, they went as expected: Joey’s to Tessa; Garrett’s to Meagan; Edward’s to Ana; Cole’s to Sam; Austin’s to Chelsea; Connor’s to Lisa and, yes, Josh’s to Maria.
That left Nithisha and Paige as the odd women out. Nithisha exited expressing confidence she would find her person. “Party Paige,” who earlier thanked her cast mates for making Paradise “one of the best fucking times of my life,” left drinking champagne.
Next week, various cast members find themselves in “pickles,” including Ana and Lisa, who says she doesn’t know how she feels about Connor. Tessa and Maria are beefing over Joey. New arrival Juan Pablo hits the beach (no, not that Juan Pablo). And Cole tells Sam he’s not falling in love.
You can watch next Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo
Joey Kirchner went on Date No. 3 with Tessa Tookes. ALL PHOTOS CITYTV
There was a “dumpster fire” on the beach, a shit show, a storm brewing, it was “orgy island” and wild horses were running loose on Monday’s “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.” Choose your metaphor.
Basically, it was another episode full of wayward lips although the show at least made it past first base, so to speak, when Austin and Chelsea went to the boom boom room, more on that later.
This was Episode 5 and I don’t think I’ve seen a group of people less likely to commit on a “Bachelor” show. And we can’t blame age, since the youngest cast members have already come and gone. Some of these folks are pushing or past 30.
Exhibit A was Joey, who decided to bust up his pairing with Celine by kissing both Paige and Sam. In the case of Sam, he did it where Celine could see them; heck, where everybody could see them: right at the bar.
When Cole, Sam’s No. 1, showed up, it turned into a smooching quartet, with Sam bizarrely demanding that Cole kiss Lisa while Sam continued swapping spit with Joey — hence bartender Kevin Wendt’s “orgy island” comment.
The so-called weirdness might have ended there except that Joey and Sam kept kissing — Joey described them as “two wild horses” — and Celine wouldn’t let it pass.
As much as everyone’s all “you have to kiss everybody in Paradise” this season, Celine was genuinely hurt, not least because she considered Sam a friend.
At first, Sam appeared utterly remorseless, telling Celine she did it because it felt right and “my core relationship feels so fluid that I just feel like I can do whatever the fuck I want.” Sam, who usually has plenty to say about Lisa trying to “steal” her man, didn’t apologize until the next day.
Celine Paquette and Joey Kirchner before Joey went rogue.
At least Joey — who admitted in his in-the-moment interview that he was being a “shitty, fucking dude” — finally told Celine outright that it wasn’t going to happen for them.
You know who else it wasn’t happening for? Maria and Matia, not that we didn’t know that almost from the get-go.
Since the men now had the roses and the power, Matia felt comfortable confessing that he didn’t feel a true connection with Maria, who complained somewhat comically to Lisa and Sam, “Stupid hockey player, like I literally only date doctors.”
None of those on the beach that I can see.
But the women of Paradise weren’t done with Matia. Paige took a run at him.
She had rejected Joey despite his kissing abilities because she didn’t want to bust up him and Celine, and she had no time for Connor since he lacked “big dick energy” — yeah, I played it back a couple of times and I’m pretty sure that’s what she said.
But Matia? “Love the tats, love the bod.”
Matia wasn’t loving Paige, however, and since he didn’t have to grovel for a rose told her so right away. Whereas Maria’s answer to Matia’s rejection was tears and self-blame, Paige’s was to go on the attack.
“Don’t have your wall so fucking high. You’re a heartbreaker,” Paige protested. When Matia countered that he doesn’t lead girls on (well, unless he needs a rose), Paige called him jaded. Also, “I’m calling you on your bullshit and you don’t like to hear it.”
And then she ranted in her ITM: “Get him the fuck out of the show, get him the fuck out of here. Like why is he here?”
“Good luck, Matia!” she screeched as Matia walked away, and Austin and Chelsea doubled over in laughter.
Pssst, Paige, pretty sure he’s not the one going home.
Also seemingly on the chopping block was Nithisha.
Garrett Aida seemed to finally choose Meagan Morris over Nithisha Ketheeswaran.
It looked like Garrett, her only romantic interest, was in her rearview, given all the canoodling he was doing with Meagan. And Sam tried to seal the deal by pulling Garrett aside to tell him that Nithisha was being “strategic.” There’s that word again.
The thing is: “Bachelor in Paradise” is essentially a game, especially the way it’s being played this season. The rules say you have to be coupled up or you go home, so are you trying to tell me that nobody else on the entire beach is thinking about strategy when they cosy up to somebody to get a rose?
That’s absurd.
Also absurd was Garrett declaring, “I need to know for myself what the truth is because I demand loyalty.” Like the loyalty he showed when he was two-timing Nithisha with Meagan, you mean?
This whole Nithisha plot seems like something manufactured by production to ensure there’s a villain arc.
And I don’t want to get too woke here, but it’s not exactly a good look that a group of mostly white woman are talking crap about the sole remaining South Asian cast member.
Nithisha is no shrinking violet, however, and defended herself to both the other women and Garrett, which then got spun around in Garrett’s ITM to Nithisha being manipulative. Make of that what you will.
And on the subject of romantic triangles, could Cole please choose between Sam and Lisa already?
On the one hand he told Lisa he could picture being with her in the “real world.” But then he told Sam she was “still my person” and he needed to break things off with Lisa. Except in his ITM he said he might not be telling Sam the truth. And THIS IS EXHAUSTING! JUST PICK!
Even if he does choose Sam though, that guarantees nothing.
Chelsea Vaughn and Austin Tinsley: together today, maybe not tomorrow.
Just look at Austin and Chelsea, who’ve been a seemingly committed couple almost since day one. They became the first to visit the boom boom room. (No, we didn’t see it, this isn’t Playa Escondida in Mexico.)
What great timing then for Austin to decide he was interested in new arrival Tessa Tookes. You put out for your “Paradise” boyfriend and he wants to take a helicopter ride with another woman.
Austin had to stay grounded, however, since Tessa, a Week 2 cast-off from Clayton Echard’s “Bachelor” season, chose Joey to accompany her in the whirlybird.
This was Joey’s third date so he is now officially the Bachelor of Paradise.
Joey, Tessa said, “just has this je ne sais quoi and he’s just really hot.”
For his part, Joey kept describing Tessa, a musician living in Brooklyn, as “cool.” He claimed she was the only woman he had genuinely felt anything for in Paradise.
Make of that what you will since, if the promo is to be believed, Tessa will be making out with Austin next week. (Also, a mea culpa here. I forgot a cardinal rule of promos, which is that they are meant to be misleading, so last week I said incorrectly that Austin would go on the helicopter date with Tessa.)
Josh Guvi is back. Does this mean a reprieve for Maria Garcia-Sanchez?
There was one more new arrival before episode’s end, although we have to wait till next week to see who he takes on his date: Josh Guvi, a Vancouver filmmaker and returning “Bachelor In Paradise Canada” cast member who apparently is Chelsea’s type.
He’s also Maria’s and, after feeling some sparks with her last season, kept in touch with her after the show. But does the fact we see Maria teary-eyed in the promo (again) and apparently kissing Joey (again) mean she’s SOL when it comes to Josh?
And will Sam and Cole really make it to the boom boom room and will that mean the end of his flirtation with Lisa?
You can find out next Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo
There was a second rose ceremony on “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.” Three men went home, one of them voluntarily. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Citytv
Welcome to the Lisa-naissance.
Striking a blow for quirky girls everywhere who like to talk to squirrels, Lisa Mancini was continuing to burn up the beach on Monday’s “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.”
In the words of her friend Joey Kirchner, another Canadian cutie who’s looking to play the field, “She’s coming through just putting that tongue wherever she wants to blow it. It’s fantastic.”
In Lisa’s own words, “The Lisa Renaissance is in full effect.” Also, “the makeout bandit strikes again.”
Be mad about it if you want. Somebody on the Canadian production staff got the “more drama” memo.
Lisa was kissing all the boys and only one of them was crying in his red wine.
Well, OK, she only kissed two boys Monday: American “Paradise” alum Connor Brennan and newbie Jake Ondrus.
Jake Ondrus, centre, with Austin, Sam, Chelsea and Joey, turned Lisa’s head.
As an aside, whatever the women are seeing in Jake is not translating all that well through the TV screen. He does seem like a pretty chill guy, mind you. Lisa said he was spiritual. They talked about the “magic of the universe.” What do I know? I’m just a cynical TV critic.
Lisa said Jake was “a serious candidate,” although she was also still interested in Connor.
She definitely wasn’t feeling Quartney, who was blaming Lisa for the fact he hadn’t made connections with any other women. Here’s a question: if you keep banging your head against the same wall, is it the wall’s fault?
Also, you think any of the other women wanted to connect with Quartney after seeing how intense he got with Lisa after one date? And not a “date” date, a Paradise date.
Quartney tried, though, and got shut down by Nithisha and Meagan, which prompted him to throw his plastic wine glass and stomp off — well, inasmuch as one can stomp on sand — saying, “I’m done with y’all.”
Kevin Wendt, bartender and good egg, talked Quartney down, telling him to take a breath before doing anything crazy.
Also, his departure would obviously play better if he waited to make a speech at the rose ceremony. That’s not Kevin saying that; that’s me.
Edward Naranjo makes his pitch for Nithisha Ketheeswaran’s rose.
The next evening, with a rose ceremony looming, the focus shifted to Nithisha. Seeing as how Garrett was getting closer to Meagan — they had a private dancing and smooching party, y’all — Nithisha was taking applications for a friendship rose. The candidates included her former kissing partner, Edward; new guy Godfrey and an increasingly desperate Quartney.
Ding, ding, ding. Nithisha is the winner of the villain edit. I’m not sure what the difference is between Lisa not being sure who to give her rose to and Nithisha not being sure who to give her rose to. But Nithisha gave hers to Edward after supposedly telling other people he wasn’t there for the right reasons, so that made her decision “strategic.” I guess that’s a bad thing?
Like, wouldn’t you want to be strategic playing a game like “Bachelor in Paradise”?
The rose ceremony did happen — I guess we’re getting one every two episodes now. And Quartney got his close-up, telling host Sharleen Joynt and his fellow contestants that since he hadn’t found his person he was going to leave rather than potentially (read: almost certainly) not get a rose.
From there it went pretty much like clockwork, with Celine giving a rose to Joey; Chelsea to Austin; Meagan to Garrett; Sam to Cole; and Maria to Matia (oh honey, he is so not into you).
And then Lisa hemmed and hawed between Jake and Connor. She might have been confused. I wasn’t. Connor is third in the opening credits and they aren’t alphabetical. I believe he is what the folks on “Game of Roses” call a protected player.
Jake might have felt he was more exciting for Lisa than Connor; not so the producers.
Anyway, Nithisha gave the final rose to Edward, paving the way for the next day’s fallout.
Connor told Lisa that Jake was a “jackass” and “not a genuine person.”
First off, Connor was pissed that Lisa had been (allegedly) undecided about him and Jake. “At this point, I’m not all in on Lisa,” he said in his in-the-moment interview.
Also, Sam and Maria gave Nithisha a talking to. “You say one thing and then the next afternoon you change,” accused Maria. “We just feel like you wanted to play a strategic game and it wasn’t a heartfelt game,” added Sam.
Nithisha insisted she was there for love. Where she lost me, however, was when she called Godfrey “Godwin” and, after being corrected by Maria, retorted, “I’ll call him whatever I want to, OK.” Uh, OK, but that’s his name?
Anyway, a couple of new women had come to the resort: 31-year-old fan Paige Allen and “Paradise Canada” returnee Ana Cruz, 27.
Paige, who described herself as “a blond bombshell,” “party Paige,” but also “your worst nightmare,” got a little catty with a bikini-and-cowboy-boots-clad Sam, saying, “I was gonna wear my cowboy boots with my outfit, I thought it would look too much like a stripper.” Meow.
However she eventually fits in on the beach, Paige perfectly fit the narrative of tension between Lisa and Connor since Paige took Connor on her date. I would have definitely picked the guy who admired my skeleton tattoo, if I had one, over the guy who said his type was “fake asses, fake boobs.” Hello Matia.
If Connor had any designs on doing some retaliatory smooching with Paige, it must have gone by the wayside when they found out they were babysitting for Kevin and Astrid Wendt (formerly Loch). Kevin and Astrid went on the actual date, leaving their baby August and dogs Ace and Bean with Connor and Paige.
Kevin and Astrid Wendt trust August, Ace and Bean to Connor and Paige.
I’ll admit it was cute. Connor took out his ukulele and made up a song for the babe and the pooches.
Meanwhile, back at the beach, Lisa wasn’t exactly pining for Connor. She and Cole spent more alone time together, during which they established they were both very attracted to each other but were afraid of hurting Connor and Sam. So they didn’t kiss. They just nuzzled a lot. I guess rubbing someone’s butt and kissing their neck doesn’t count as making out.
When Connor came back from his date and told Lisa that he didn’t kiss Paige, Lisa decided not to tell Connor about her interlude with Cole, even though she was planning to spend more time with Cole that night.
The only other development was that Ana took Edward on a canoe date, on which they bonded over their shared Latino heritage, their interest in cooking and their closeness to their moms. Also kissing.
Nithisha is clearly going to have to get her next rose from someone else.
Next week: Cole and Lisa break their no-kissing rule; Paige makes a play for Matia; Austin goes on a helicopter date with new arrival Tessa; Joey smooches Sam; and Josh Guvi makes his return.
You can watch Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo
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