A villain gets the boot, not once but twice, on ‘The Bachelorette’

You win some, you lose some and some you have to get rid of twice.

So went the first “date” episode of Gabby Windey’s and Rachel Recchia’s joint “Bachelorette” season.

The episode was a reminder that with two very different women there will be very different outcomes, a reality driven home by the results of their first dates. But on one point they were agreed: any dude who’s already trying to control the outcome of the fantasy suites before he has even had a real conversation with either Bachelorette has got to go.

And thus “mentality coach” Chris Austin was asked to leave not once, but twice: first, for running his mouth about fantasy suites and then for walking right back into the mansion to confront the men who ratted him out to Rachel and Gabby.

I mean come on! Even if production put him up to it, how arrogant do you have to be to be told to vamoose and then waltz back in like you own the joint?

Gabby and Rachel were having none of it and good for them, but Chris’s wasn’t the only non-rose ceremony exit in the episode.

For the first time ever, as far as I can recall, a Bachelorette denied a rose to her first date pick.

The unlucky fellow was Jordan V, the drag racer with whom Rachel was vibing on Night 1 and I am torn. On the one hand, Jordan seemed pleasant and like he was really into Rachel. On the other, we’ve all been there, right? You go out with someone who seems really promising and partway through the conversation you realize there’s no there there.

So good on Rachel for going with her gut even if it was really awkward that Jordan was left on his own at a table in the Los Angeles Theatre and that they had been smooching on a zero gravity plane just hours before, and then Rachel had to listen morosely all by herself to a private concert by Ashley Cooke and Brett Young.

Gabby, on the other hand, picked a winner for her first date. You could practically feel the air vibrating as all of Bachelor Nation swooned over Nate Mitchell.

Even before he got his date card, though, Nate had already ascended to hero status for calling Chris out on his toxic masculinity.

Here’s how it went down. Chris was sitting around with some of the other guys, pontificating about what would happen when — not if — he made it to the final four and what his deal breakers would be.

“We go into fantasy suite and we have this sexual experience, and then the person who I’m most interested in decides she’s gonna have sex with multiple people and feel it out, that would be the situation where I’d go, ‘OK, I’m out,'” Chris said.

When questioned by the other guys about whether he’d drop this bombshell before, during or after fantasy suites, Chris said it would depend on the situation.

Also, he kept calling Rachel and Gabby “females” like they were research subjects in an experiment he was conducting and not living, breathing women whom he allegedly might be interested in.

So many observations! First off, the final four don’t go to fantasy suites, just the final three. Duh. Second, that kind of ultimatum worked so well for Luke Parker. Third, who the hell are you and what gives you the right?

Several of the men were aghast. Words like “presumptuous,” “disrespectful” and “jerky” were used, but nobody called it better than Nate.

“Any time you have a premeditated thought of you won’t do this unless that, that is a form of control and that is manipulative . . . You cannot have preconditions for love. It’s just a form of control that a lot of men don’t realize that they do that damages good women.”

Yes, just yes.

Then Nate and Gabby went on a helicopter/hot tub date with lots of kissing and laughing. And did we mention Nate is 33, has a real job (electrical engineer) and a six-year-old daughter? And if you compare his bio to Chris’s on the ABC website, you’ll see Nate’s talks about doing thoughtful things for the woman he loves, whereas Chris’s says he wants a woman who will love him for being a hard worker and not complain as they “work together toward greatness.”

Sometimes the villains are hiding in plain sight.

Anyway, back to Nate. He told Gabby about his daughter at dinner at L.A.’s Union Station and Gabby teared up listening to him talk: “She is my world,” Nate said. “Like, a pocket of my heart just burst open the first time she said ‘Dad,’ the first time she told me she loved me, the first time I felt her hug me.”

And damn, who wouldn’t tear up listening to that? It’s moments like these that keep us watching this godforsaken franchise.

Gabby, reflecting on her close relationship with her own father, told Nate he was the best thing that was ever going to happen to his daughter.

Could Nate be the best thing to happen to Gabby? Well, it’s only Week 2, but there is definitely serious potential there. Nate got the date rose, so all the nervous nellies back at the mansion, freaked out by Jordan V’s disappearance, could relax.

Speaking of the mansion, pretty sure we’ve never had 29 men staying there at once, which is how many men were left after last week’s cancelled rose ceremony. But could the producers not have rolled in some cots? Guys sleeping on outdoor couches, really?

In lieu of a supersized group date there was a “pageant” inside the mansion in which the men had to don Speedos (and one banana hammock), and strut and flex for Gabby and Rachel, with the aim of winning time at a private after-party at their place.

Seriously, is anybody more obsessed with the male anatomy than “Bachelorette” producers? The show went through a season’s worth of black bars covering up bulges.

There was also a “talent” segment, although only two efforts are worth mentioning. The good: mortgage broker Jacob, a.k.a. wannabe Fabio, sat backwards on a chair, put on glasses and gave Rachel and Gabby a mortgage pitch, which was very entertaining.

“Jacob is Tarzan dressed like George of the Jungle slash my mortgage broker, ” said Rachel.

The bad and the ugly: James, a.k.a. Meatball, pouring a jar of pasta sauce down his chest. To quote Jesse: “Nooo! Oh!”

Neither man made it into the group of six winners, which included Aven, Logan, Brandan, Jason, Johnny and Colin.

And yeah, I had to look up all their names because I don’t really remember who anybody is at this point. But you only have to focus on two names for the moment: Logan and Johnny.

I don’t trust videographer Logan as far as I can throw him and I’m still holding a grudge over him trapping two live baby chicks in his sweaty palms on Night 1. But mostly I don’t trust him because he’s clearly playing both Gabby and Rachel.

After getting blown off by Jason, who was there for Gabby, and finding Brandan and Colin not to her taste, Rachel connected with Logan, who blew smoke up her ass about how “incredibly brave” she was to “jump back into this process,” without mentioning Clayton by name. And they smooched.

Next thing you know, Logan was also kissing Gabby after spewing more flattery about how she was “someone who makes people smile and laugh.”

The dude is too smooth by half, but Rachel had to give a rose to somebody. And despite also being interested in Logan, Gabby generously deferred to her friend and gave her rose to Johnny, whom she also kissed.

The double dipping didn’t end there.

Ahead of the rose ceremony, personal trainer Mario — Gabby’s first impression rose winner — chatted up Rachel and then lifted her up and did squats with her, making Rachel squeal, all within earshot and view of Gabby.

But the real drama centred on Chris, because of course it did.

Quincey, Hayden and Jordan H, no doubt encouraged by producers, told Rachel about Chris’s fantasy suite “deal breaker” and she told Gabby, and the two of them confronted Chris.

Chris didn’t deny what he’d said — although he tried the “I wasn’t the only one talking about it” manoeuvre — and he didn’t apologize either.

“If you’ve seen our journey you would know it would be important to us, and would respect our place as women and our position to make our own decisions, which it seems like if we went against something you believed in you would take that time to leave,” Gabby said.

Chris tried to turn it around and make it about them not wanting to have a conversation with him, at which point Rachel told him he was being condescending and they walked his ass out of there.

But that wasn’t the end of it, since Chris walked right back in, gathered Jordan H, Hayden, Quincey, Nate and Tyler (I think), and started grilling them about what they said to Rachel and Gabby.

Rachel and Gabby pushed their way through the knot of producers and camera people filming the scene and gave Chris the boot again, for good this time.

And then, finally, we got a rose ceremony, but only six guys got the heave-ho, leaving a still unwieldy group of 21 whose names we’ll never remember, but for the record: Erich, Zach, Jordan H, Quincey, Michael, Tiny, Jacob, Tyler, Hayden, James, Kirk, Spencer, Alec, Ethan and Mario got roses, in addition to the ones that Nate, Johnny and Logan already had.

Rachel and Gabby alternated the rose-giving and made it clear the roses were from both of them, but looks like that will change next week, with at least one rose rejection and Rachel having a rose ceremony meltdown.

You can watch Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, catch me on Twitter or chat on my Facebook page.

Edited because I accidentally called Jordan V, Jordan Z in one reference.