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More pain in the fantasy suites as Bachelorette doom awaits

September 7, 2022 /
“Bachelorette” stars Gabby Windey and Rachel Recchia. The smiles might be deceiving.
PHOTO CREDIT: Gizelle Hernandez/ABC

Is this chaos what happens when you give people — well, OK, men — choices?

The men of “The Bachelorette” were given a choice of two women and now some of them are choosing to blow up the order of things.

Oh, trust me, I know how ridiculous it is to expect people to get engaged after mere weeks of acquaintance under the most unnatural of circumstances, but this is what we expect from “The Bachelorette.”

I’m not even going to broach the conditioning involved in being this invested in the heteronormative, gender role-reinforcing spectacle of a man getting down on one knee, but this is what we demand as Bachelorette fans: the catharsis of crying happy tears as people who didn’t even know each other eight weeks before pledge their undying love with a hunk of crystallized carbon. Sure, they’ll probably break up soon, but we’ll always have Mexico or wherever the hell they are.

Except host Jesse Palmer has raised the spectre of Gabby Windey and Rachel Recchia being denied their hard-fought happily-ever-afters. So shocking is what we’re supposedly going to see next week that he had to take a few minutes to gird us at the end of the episode while standing in an empty studio.

“You will all bear witness to the crazy controversy that’s about to ensue,” he said. “So take some time, get yourselves ready and prepare yourselves for the most shocking finale of all time.”

Good lord, what is going on?!?

Well, let’s take stock. Monday night, we watched Gabby cut Johnny loose since he wasn’t ready to get engaged and Jason bailed on her Tuesday night. Not only did he not want to propose; he didn’t want Gabby in any capacity. But Erich was still there and, after he and Gabby professed their love for each other, it seemed like one happy ending had come early. But wait, was that Erich in the promo saying he didn’t want to get engaged either?

And what of Rachel’s men? As she went into the rose ceremony Tuesday it seemed that Zach was about to get the heave ho after a troubling fantasy suite date. But Tino was the clear front-runner anyway, except the promo showed Tino saying he wanted out, Rachel arguing with Aven and an unseen somebody being accused of going back on their word.

Maybe it won’t be so shocking after all, especially since it seemed clear from Night 1 that this season was never truly about giving Rachel and Gabby romantic redemption.

Buckle up, I guess.

Tuesday’s episode began with Gabby’s date with Jason. Despite all the fun and games of tennis and splashing around the pool together, we knew that Jason had a bomb to drop at dinner and drop it he did.

Not only was he not ready to get engaged, he wasn’t even sure he could see a future with Gabby outside the “bubble” of the show. But still, Jason dangled the possibility of a “serious relationship” once the cameras were banished from their lives. So Gabby threw caution to the wind and took him to the fantasy suite.

The unslept-in bed told the story. There was no fantasy in the suite, just conversation that went nowhere and Jason deciding there was no chance for him and Gabby. She at least nominally got to send him home and to tell him, “I truly just want you to realize I’ve been led on.”

And she was. It seems mighty suspect, given Jason’s discomfort with the process from the get-go and his ambivalence about getting serious with Gabby during his hometown, that he’d wait until almost the very end to share these doubts. But wait he did.

Jason claimed he finally got “clarity”; Gabby got her heart broken.

“What is it about me that’s so hard to love?” she sobbed.

Speaking of clarity, maybe we’ll get some next week about what went on between Rachel and Zach.

They went from a lovey-dovey day in some Mexican town — hats! mariachi! Day of the Dead figurines! cricket snacks! — to Zach showing up teary-eyed at Jesse’s door the morning after.

According to Zach, he and Rachel were like two strangers once the cameras were off and Rachel seemed to put on a front, stridently suggesting that Zach’s age — he was 25 to her 26, although he seems older to me — meant he wasn’t ready to commit.

It’s tempting to think Rachel was looking for an excuse to push Zach away without actually dumping him. She did tell Gabby, after all, that she wasn’t “there” with Zach despite claiming in her date voice-over that she was falling in love with him.

But we didn’t get Rachel’s side of the story so we don’t really know. Zach had just pulled her away from the rose ceremony to talk when Jesse cut in with his warning about Bachelorette Armageddon.

Meanwhile, Gabby had cancelled her own rose ceremony and gone to Erich’s suite, where he was wondering if he’d blown his chance with her after his freakout about her maybe sleeping with other men.

Naw.

“You have taught me it’s OK to feel safe and wanted and loved in maybe a way that I haven’t and you’re the only one left,” Gabby told Erich. “I do know that I love you.”

Awwwww. The warm, sappy feelings engendered were almost as good as a proposal. Gabby declared Erich “the love of my life,” a love that will apparently be put to the test next week.

You won’t be able to watch it Tuesday on Citytv, but you can tune into ABC at 8 p.m. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

The fantasy becomes a nightmare for Gabby on The Bachelorette

September 6, 2022 /
Rachel Recchia and Gabby Windey toast to the fantasy suite dates to come.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos screen grabs

After watching Monday’s fantasy suites episode of “The Bachelorette” — excuse me, the first of two fantasy suites episodes — it’s hard to see how we’ll end up with a “shocking ending nobody is gonna see coming,” as per host Jesse Palmer.

Let’s start with Rachel.

She told Gabby within the first minutes of the episode that she wasn’t “there” with Zach and presumably will share that information with him on tomorrow night’s date. She told Aven she was falling in love with him but was already exchanging “I love you’s” with Tino — his parents’ hostility notwithstanding — so it would take one hell of a twist for her not to end up engaged to Tino.

(Mind you, the conspiracy theorist in me can imagine the producers flying Papa Joe to Mexico to slow Tino’s roll.)

As for Gabby, well, Johnny was clearly there for a good time, not a long time, and left sans fantasy suite. And Jason, who hadn’t had his date yet, told Jesse what he already told his mother during hometowns, that he wasn’t ready to get engaged. That would seem to leave Erich as the last man standing — assuming he gets over his jealousy about Gabby’s other overnight dates. And if Jason tells Gabby sooner rather than later that he’s “not quite” falling for her, there won’t be any other overnights for Erich to obsess over.

But I know, I know: this is “The Bachelorette” we’re talking about, and the editing can make black look white and up seem down, so I suppose anything’s possible.

In the meantime, as we slog our way to the finish, let’s recap.

First off, Gabby and Rachel reunited in the Riviera Maya for some Champagne and girl talk. The main point of this, besides reminding everyone which men were still hanging around, was to allow them to bring up the week on Clayton Echard’s season when “everything went haywire,” in Rachel’s words.

“I never want to make anyone else feel the way that we did,” Gabby said.

“We get to rewrite what this week means and make it into something positive,” Rachel said.

But does anyone ever get to rewrite fantasy suite week? I don’t see how, unless they refuse to play the stupid “I’m falling for three men/women at the same time” game.

Gabby had the first date, with Erich.

Erich Schwer helps Gabby psych up to jump off a “lovers’ leap.” The sign says: “Love gives you wings.”

I can only assume Erich really is (or was) into Gabby since he left his dying father behind to be with her in Mexico.

They certainly seemed very close as they cavorted and smooched at a “lovers’ leap,” so much so that Gabby told Erich, “I wish I could crawl inside you” and what the hell does that even mean?

He told her later over an uneaten charcuterie board that he loved her and she repeated what she said at hometowns, that she was falling in love with him. Then they headed off to the fantasy suite — and can we please stop pretending the fantasy suite cards are a surprise? — to “really feel each other’s love,” in Gabby’s words.

The next morning came one of the longest goodbyes in fantasy suite memory as Erich lingered, conflicted about the idea of Gabby spending the night with other men. Gabby seemed conflicted too, about whether she wanted to be engaged to Erich, although she did say in her voice-over she thought she was in love with him.

Next up was Rachel’s date with Aven and it was a perfectly generic overnight date.

Aven Jones and Rachel chill on a yacht.

There was a yacht with a hot tub; there was Champagne and smooching; there was talk about how much Rachel and Aven had grown on their journey. And I’m sorry, I like Aven, but it all felt kind of rote to me.

Rachel and Gabby had made much ado about how they didn’t want to carelessly throw around the word “love” like Clayton had. But Rachel told Aven that, knowing how much the word meant to him, she was comfortable telling him she was falling in love with him too.

It was the only overnight on Monday’s episode in which we actually saw the couple in bed together the next morning; clothed, but still.

“It’s definitely really important to explore your physical connection and Aven is the full package — the full package,” Rachel said with a twinkle in her eye, laughing.

Can’t wait for Tino’s parents to watch that.

And speaking of Tino, his date was next up. We already knew how hard he was jonesing to see Rachel since we’d been subjected to footage of sad Tino saying how gut-wrenching it was to have to wait around, knowing his girl might be sleeping with other men.

He even got a special visit from Jesse so he could moan about it some more and also so Jesse could bring up the hometown from hell with Tino’s parents. Since there was so little suspense in Monday’s episode, we had to be led to believe that Tino’s hometown was so scarring for Rachel that she might not be able to get past it.

Rachel on her date with her potential Mr. Forever, Tino Franco.

And listen, it’s not that I’m saying that hometown wasn’t awful. Tino’s folks totally disrespected Rachel, especially his father. But I also expected exactly what happened to happen: which was that after Tino told her that he loved her (once again circumventing conversation about his parents’ rudeness) and she said it back — so much for not throwing the word around — Rachel bought into his assurance that his family would come to love her too.

I’m not personally convinced they will, but perhaps that’s a topic for “After the Final Rose.”

In the meantime, we didn’t even get to see Rachel’s and Tino’s morning after because we had to rush onto a boat ride with Johnny and Gabby.

Gabby clearly thought Johnny was hot, fine, but I was somewhat mystified by her assertion she could see a life with Johnny after the show. I don’t think anyone else could, including Johnny.

Whereas other men were talking about being or falling in love, Johnny said, “Gabby is the dopest girl I think I’ve ever hung with.” That says it all right there.

Johnny DePhillipo gives it to Gabby straight: no engagement for him, not on this show anyway.

When Gabby told Johnny straight up she was ready to get engaged, Johnny replied that was “a hard thing to think about,” even though he claimed he could see himself falling in love with her. But with proposal day just a week or two off, Johnny sensibly told the truth about not being ready and Gabby just as sensibly walked away without taking him to the fantasy suite.

(There are spoilers out there, not that I was looking for them, about Johnny coupling up with someone else on “Bachelor in Paradise.” Apparently ABC even ran a “Paradise” promo with Johnny in it before we’d watched him break up with Gabby. Nice timing that.)

Gabby consoled herself with the thought that Erich and Jason were both ready for an engagement and . . . uh oh.

There was Jesse, like a harbinger of doom, paying a call on Jason.

“Do you feel like you’re falling in love with Gabby?” Jesse asked.

“I would say I’m not quite there just yet. I would say I have strong feelings toward Gabby,” Jason replied.

Sorry, son, but you don’t pass go on this show with mere strong feelings.

Jason Alabaster gives Jesse Palmer the goods about his inability to commit to Gabby.

It probably goes without saying but no, Jason could not see himself at the point of engagement in just two weeks.

But hey, Gabby still had Erich and . . . uh oh.

As Gabby was back in her suite, still brooding about Johnny, there was a knock and a note at her door: “I need to see you, I’ll be waiting on the bridge,” with no signature.

But what was initially an affectionate reunion with Erich ended with Gabby in tears, feeling ambushed.

Referring to the night they had just spent together, Erich said, “I’m now sitting here picturing the girl that I’m in love with doing that with somebody else. That kind of crushes me . . . I’m having a really hard time.”

“We talked about this off camera,” Gabby said tearfully. “Like, I feel like we were able to have an honest conversation about it in fantasy suites. So you brought me here to tell me it again.”

Erich insisted he hadn’t, but it went downhill from there. The episode ended with Gabby walking away from Erich, questioning whether Erich was her guy after all, and the “To be continued” chyron on the screen.

So where will it all end up? Who knows? Since we’ve seen promo footage of both Rachel and Gabby on proposal day, somebody must stick around to put a ring on it . . . or not.

It appears that Rachel will “blindside” Zach on tomorrow’s episode with her lack of fully developed feelings for him; ditto Jason with Gabby and that Gabby might skip the rose ceremony. Beyond that, I don’t have a crystal ball and I don’t read spoilers.

You can watch Fantasy Suites Part 2 Tuesday at 8 p.m. on ABC. I don’t know when Citytv will air it. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Watchable on Disney, Prime Video, Crave Sept. 5 to 11, 2022

September 5, 2022 /

SHOW OF THE WEEK: Reservation Dogs (Sept. 7, Disney+)

From left, Paulina Alexis, D’Pharaoh Woo-A-Tai, Lane Factor, Devery Jacobs
and Elva Guerra in Season 2 of “Reservation Dogs.” PHOTO CREDIT: Shane Brown/FX.

If I had to choose one word to describe Season 2 of “Reservation Dogs,” it would be “reconciliation” — but not in a “truth and” kind of way, although some truths are revealed. Rather, its characters begin to come to terms with hurts they have endured — or handed out — as the season progresses.

As it opens, our diehard quartet of friends on the rez is still splintered. Last season, Elora Danan (Devery Jacobs) ditched the other three to drive to California with their enemy Jackie (Elva Guerra), which leaves Bear (D’Pharaoh Woon-A-Tai) unmoored and bitter.

Willie Jack (the hilarious Paulina Alexis) figures that the curse she put on Jackie is to blame for the group’s troubles and sets out to reverse it with the help of Uncle Brownie (Gary Farmer) and his frenemy Bucky (Wes Studi). Shit-talking and Tom Petty’s “Free Fallin'” are involved.

The affable Cheese (Lane Factor), meanwhile, is spending more time with his weed-growing Uncle Charley, which has consequences in a later episode.

Even their shrine to their dead friend Daniel has been destroyed to make way for a megachurch for white people.

The fact that Elora and Jackie have escaped Oklahoma’s Indian Territory doesn’t mean they are any freer than Bear, Willie or Cheese — particularly of grief over the suicides of Daniel and Jackie’s unnamed brother.

Meanwhile, the girls face dangers on the road. The words “missing and murdered Indigenous women” are never uttered, but they’re top of mind after encounters with a sleazeball who picks them up hitchhiking when their car breaks down and a pickup truck full of shotgun-toting crackers who chase Elora and Jackie when they try to steal another vehicle.

The genius of the show — aside from the fact it’s funny as hell — is the subtle way it tackles the ills that have befallen Indigenous communities after centuries of colonialism. Its humorous approach means you’re still laughing when you feel the sharp end of the stick. And fun is poked at Indigenous and non-Indigenous alike.

For instance, the Indigi-hipster facilitators at a colonization symposium the teens are forced to attend — MissM8tri@rch and Augusto Firekeeper — acknowledge not only the tribes that have safeguarded the land, but Neanderthals, dinosaurs, star people and their reptilian relatives.

With Elora and Jackie back in town — forced to abandon their cursed trip by the death of Elora’s grandmother — the symposium allows some baby steps toward reconciliation with Bear, Willie and Cheese, although progress is just as quickly undone.

It takes a crisis involving Cheese to bring the five of them together in an episode that made me fall even more in love with Cheese and with Factor’s acting.

And the kids aren’t the only ones with reconciling to do. Bear’s mom Rita (Sarah Podemski) and her cousin Teenie (her real-life sister Tamara Podemski) have beefs to resolve when they attend an Indian Health Services conference; and in a hilarious and heartfelt episode, tribal officer Big (Zahn McClarnon) wrestles with the part he played in the death of Elora’s mother, Cookie.

There are so many gems this season. I haven’t even touched on things like spirit William Knifeman (Dallas Goldtooth) dispensing wisdom from a Porta Potty; Dr. Kang being initiated into “snagging” at the IHS conference (“Wear socks, medicine comes up through your feet”); or Marc Maron as a group home counsellor whose oddball back-story I won’t spoil by disclosing it here.

Just know that after screening eight of the season’s 10 episodes I’m even more enamoured of this wonderful show.

Disney also has several premieres on Sept. 8, so-called Disney+ Day, including the live action and CGI remake of “Pinocchio” (reviews are embargoed till the day it releases); Brie Larson’s coming-of-age docuseries “Growing Up”; animated series “Cars on the Road”; and nature docuseries “Epic Adventures With Bertie Gregory.”

The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (Now on Prime Video)

Robert Aramayo and Morfydd Clark as Elron and Galadriel. PHOTO CREDIT: Ben Rothstein/Prime Video

I don’t recall whether it was Patrick McKay or J.D. Payne who advised watching this grand series on the largest screen possible, but he was absolutely correct. I first saw the first two episodes in a screening room in a Toronto hotel and was blown away by them.

They seemed slightly less grand when I watched them again on my computer monitor, which doesn’t mean my enthusiasm was extinguished.

With apologies to co-creator McKay — who, at a virtual Television Critics Association panel, tried to differentiate “The Rings of Power” from other fantasy series, including “Game of Thrones” — this is the first TV show that has really reminded me of “Thrones” in its scope and ambition, including its geographic reach, its myriad plot lines and characters.

It’s also the most cinematic TV series I can recall seeing. Considering the money that Amazon has reportedly splashed out on this, it damn well should be.

It’s beautifully, expansively shot, from the golden glades of the elves’ Lindon to the cosy encampments of the Harfoot to the rough-hewn villages of men in the mountainous Southlands to the vast cave palace of the dwarves in Khazad-dum, and that’s just a small sampling of the places the show takes us and will take us as its first season rolls out.

Add in the lovingly detailed sets and costumes, the CGI, the dramatic score by Bear McCreary, and it’s a visual and aural feast.

But what struck me most after that initial screening was an appreciation for the characters.

Morfydd Clark is compelling as a younger version of the elf Galadriel, even when she’s being pigheaded and foolhardy in her quest to find and destroy Sauron. Robert Aramayo seems to exude the golden light of Lindon as the kind-hearted half-elf Elrond. The harfoot, including notables Markella Kavenagh, Dylan Smith, Lenny Henry and Megan Richards, are the most endearing of the characters. Elf prince Durin (Owain Arthur) and wife Disa (Sophia Nomvete) give us a portrait of a enviably loving marriage. And then there’s the brooding Arondir (Ismael Cruz Cordova) and his forbidden human love, healer Bronwyn (Nazanin Boniadi), among the standouts in the first two episodes.

I can’t speak to how the show stacks up to the “Lord of the Rings” and “Hobbit” movies. I’m a bit embarrassed to admit I never watched them, being something of a snob about fantasy adaptations until I got sucked in by “Game of Thrones.”

It’s too soon to judge whether “The Rings of Power,” which reportedly has a five-season commitment, will bring Amazon the bang for its considerable bucks that it’s seeking, but I’m suitably captivated and intrigued by what I’ve seen so far.

Short Takes

Samantha Morton as Catherine de Medici in “The Serpent Queen.” PHOTO CREDIT: Starz

The Serpent Queen (Sept. 11, Star on Crave)

If you’re a historical purist avert your eyes from “The Serpent Queen.” If you like your history with a little protofeminist revisionism and cheeky fourth wall-breaking then step right up. Oscar nominee Samantha Morton (“Sweet and Lowdown,” “In America”) portrays Catherine de Medici (or de’ Medici), an orphaned Italian noblewoman who became queen of France and mother of three French kings in the 16th century. The series plays up Catherine’s reputation for ruthlessness — hence the series title — while purporting to explain her actions (“Tell me what you would have done differently” is the tag line). The conceit is that an adult Catherine (Morton) is telling her new maid Rahima (Sennia Nanua) the story of how she came to the French court as a 14-year-old (played by Liv Hill) to marry Henry (Alex Heath), second son of the king of France (Colm Meaney). As troubles pile up — including the death of her uncle the pope (Charles Dance), the shortchanging of her dowry, her inability to provide an heir and her husband’s besottedness with his older mistress, Diane de Poitiers (Ludivine Sagnier) — Catherine finds ways to thwart her enemies. Sure, the series takes liberties with the facts, but the three episodes I watched were very entertaining.

William Jackson Harper as Noah and Cristin Milioti as Emma in “The Resort.” PHOTO CREDIT: Peacock

The Resort (Sept. 11, 9 p.m., Showcase/StackTV)

You have to suspend a lot of disbelief in this series about an American couple who take an anniversary trip to a Mexican resort and stumble on a mystery involving a pair of 20-something tourists who disappeared from a different resort 15 years before. William Jackson Harper (“The Good Place,” “The Underground Railroad”) and Cristin Milioti (“How I Met Your Mother,” “Made for Love”) play Noah and Emma, whose 10-year marriage appears to be in a precarious state by the time they arrive at Bahia del Paraiso. They begin to rekindle their relationship after Emma tumbles off an ATV in the jungle and conveniently finds a phone that belonged to Sam (Skyler Gisondo), the young man who vanished from the now derelict Oceana Vista resort. Noah and Emma start unravelling the mystery of what happened to Sam and Violet (Nina Bloomgarden) and how it might connect to the wealthy Frias family, despite suggestions they’re putting themselves in danger. “The Resort” appears to have pretensions to be a commentary on time and love, and how the past relates to the present, but based on the two episodes I watched, it’s mostly just about a couple of bored, booze-swilling tourists having an adventure.

Odds and Ends

Hillary Rodham Clinton, Amy Schumer and Chelsea Clinton in “Gutsy.” PHOTO CREDIT: Apple TV+

I screened only one episode of “Gutsy” (Sept. 9, Apple TV+), the docuseries based on “The Book of Gutsy Women” by former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton and her daughter, Chelsea Clinton. That’s not enough to do a proper review, but you won’t find me complaining about any show that puts a spotlight on women who are making a mark in an increasingly hostile world.

Speaking of gutsy woman, fictional lawyer Diane Lockhart (Christine Baranski) struggles with a deteriorating political reality in the sixth and final season of “The Good Fight” (Sept. 8, 9 p.m., W Network/StackTV).

Netflix has way more stuff than I care to list here, but a sampling includes South Korean drama “Once Upon a Small Town” (Sept. 5), about a big city doctor who strikes up a romance with a policewoman after reluctantly moving to the countryside; another “Untold” documentary, “The Race of the Century” (Sept. 6), about the 1983 America’s Cup contest; food series “Chef’s Table: Pizza” (Sept. 7); true crime doc “Indian Predator: The Diary of a Serial Killer” (Sept. 7); and Season 5 of “Cobra Kai” (Sept. 9).

Finally, Acorn has a new mystery series with a woman of a certain age in the lead (and I am always down with that, being of a certain age myself). In “Recipes for Love and Murder” (Sept. 5), Maria Doyle Kennedy (“Outlander,” “Orphan Black”) is a recipe and advice columnist investigating a killing in a small South African town with the help of a rookie journalist (Kylie Fisher) and a reluctant police detective (Tony Kgoroge).

NOTE: The listings here are in Eastern Standard Time and I’ve verified the times where possible, but it’s always best to check listings for your own area. The selection of programs reviewed reflects what I’m given access to by networks and streamers, whether reviews are embargoed, how many shows I have time to watch and my own personal taste. The Odds and Ends section includes shows that I have not watched.

Men tell nada on Bachelorette but here’s a free cruise

August 30, 2022 /
Host Jesse Palmer prepares for a night of nonsense on “The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grab Craig Sjodin/ABC

Monday’s “The Bachelorette: Men Tell All” not only jumped the shark — it climbed on its back and did laps in a pool of man tears and pasta sauce.

What the hell was that?

It’s not that I was expecting fireworks. The men got along too well for that, plus the two contestants who displayed the most misogynistic behaviour — Chris Austin and Hayden Markowitz — were absent.

But I wasn’t expecting the usual inanities to be padded with so much filler, including a promo for Virgin Voyages, complete with free champagne and free cruises for everyone in the audience; an extended promo for “Bachelor in Paradise” with four cast members invited to the hot seat; an even more extended promo for the gay rom-com “Bros” with stars Billy Eichner and Luke Macfarlane onstage, culminating in Meatball dumping a giant jar of pasta sauce all over himself — because it wasn’t gross enough when he did it earlier in the season.

Meanwhile, poor Aven’s hometown date — “unfinished business,” as host Jesse Palmer called it — got 13 or 14 minutes at the top of the episode before the show moved on to, well, not much of anything.

Aven and Rachel get a love spell in the Crow Haven Corner witch shop.

About Aven’s date with Rachel in Salem, Massachusetts: naturally there had to be something witchcraft-related, so we had a segment involving a “love witch” named Lorelei (with the best accent ever) casting a love spell for Aven and Rachel that ended with the table top and candles sliding to the floor. A bad omen? Not for the meet-the-parents part of the date.

Rachel, still smarting from last week‘s smackdown from Tino’s parents, was nervous that Aven’s folks wouldn’t like her since they hadn’t been keen on his previous two girlfriends. But, unlike Joe and Sandi, A.J. and Dawn managed to ask Rachel tough questions without belittling her and her emotions.

Rachel reassured skeptical A.J. that she and Aven had talked about what real life would look like beyond the show, including raising kids and accommodating each other’s jobs. And when A.J. asked if she was “earnestly, sincerely, wholeheartedly ready to commit to love with Aven,” she answered honestly that she was not, although she did see a future with him.

Both A.J. and Dawn were sold. “Don’t stop fighting for her, man, because she’s a good catch,” A.J. told Aven.

Aven took the advice, telling Rachel he was falling in love with her, which seemed to delight her. She said in her voice-over that she felt like she was falling in love with Aven, too. “This could be my happy ending.”

We know that Aven at least made it to the fantasy suites, since Jesse told us that Rachel and Gabby each kept their remaining three men (Aven, Tino and Zach for Rachel; Erich, Jason and Johnny for Gabby) at the rose ceremony. No surprise there since there are always three fantasy suite dates, hence no need to send anyone home. But surely producers could have taken a couple of minutes away from shilling for Virgin or “Bros” to show us the rose ceremony.

What can I say about what happened after that?

Well, we had newly platinum blond Roby (insert your “Twilight”/”Harry Potter”/”House of the Dragon” reference here) acting like he’d been on the show for weeks instead of hours, chastising Meatball for rejecting Rachel’s rose then deciding he liked her after all. “If you’re more into Rachel, then say that, be that, do that, man up. Have some balls, Meatball!” (Do you think he rehearsed that?)

When Ethan tried to interject and Roby told him to shut the fuck up, Ethan put him in his place: ” You were there at the mansion for four hours for a reason, have some respect for the rest of us who had genuine feelings,” i.e. don’t be a baby back bitch!

Logan Palmer in the luke warm seat on “Men Tell All.”

With neither Chris nor Hayden there to fall on their swords — “cowardly,” Mario said of Hayden’s absence — we had to settle for the other men rehashing what they said and did. But Logan was there, trying to look contrite so we won’t all hate him when we see him on “Paradise.”

Blah, blah, blah, Logan was following his heart. He didn’t intentionally mislead Rachel. He wasn’t sorry he pursued Gabby; he just wished he’d done it in “a more graceful way.”

Not a word was spoken about how he became the only one of the men to get COVID-19 on the cruise ship (allegedly) and why he disappeared without an exit interview.

And then we had the Virgin Voyages plug and the cruise giveaway that Jesse said was “going to change your lives forever.” It’s a vacation, Jesse. At least Oprah gave her audience cars, which could in theory be life-changing.

Jesse gave Nate Mitchell a chance to address social media allegations of being a playa.

Next up, Nate got the “new Bachelor” edit.

Look, I really enjoyed Nate on the show. I was sorry he got sent home. And he was a model of empathetic, emotionally intelligent manhood in his time in the hot seat with Jesse. But is that enough to overcome the taint of a cheating accusation on social media? I’m not convinced.

“Real men hold other men accountable,” Nate said of Chris earlier in the show. Jesse duly asked Nate to address the social media allegations that a) he kept his daughter a secret from a woman he had an 18-month relationship with and b) he dated two women at once.

Nate blamed the trauma of his divorce for him wanting to protect his daughter from “the instability of my dating life” and said he was “deeply sorry for the way I acted” in the case of the two women, adding, “I pray that you forgive the man that I was because I’m not that same person.”

I would have loved a deeper dive into that apology. How unstable was his dating life? What made him change? Did he get therapy? But nah, got to make sure we have enough time for games with the cast of “Bros.”

Next we had the “Bachelor in Paradise” promo, with cast members Serene (Clayton’s season), Genevieve (ditto), Victoria (Peter’s season) and Andrew (Katie’s season) there to assure that it really will be “the most dramatic season” ever. I’m still pissed that Shanae will be there but OK, fine, I’ll be watching.

Gabby Windey and Rachel Recchia, still as close-knit as ever.

Finally, Rachel and Gabby made their appearance. Their friendship continues to be the best thing about this season.

Sure, Gabby put Mario in his place when he suggested she did him wrong; Jordan V absolved Rachel of any guilt over sending him home on their first date; Gabby accepted an apology from a choked up Jacob for telling her he would have gone home if she was the only woman there; Rachel got a tepid non-apology from Logan and was assured of the undying admiration of hometown castoff Tyler, who told her she did everything “perfectly”; and Gabby commended Nate for being “a leader for all the men and for how well you treat women.” (Another sign that Nate is likely going to be the next Bachelor.)

But Gabby’s and Rachel’s obvious affection and respect for each other was the real payoff. “You need to know just how proud I am of the two of you,” Jesse told them, which was the most sensible thing he said all night.

Finally, Billy Eichner and Luke Macfarlane took the stage to promote their movie “Bros.” Billy, of course, is the dude who told Colton Underwood during his season he might be the “first gay Bachelor” a couple of years before Colton came out.

Jesse Palmer demonstrates the correct reaction to Meatball getting doused in pasta sauce . . . again.

Billy’s other moment of Bachelor franchise infamy involved presenting a special gift to Meatball of a giant jar of pasta sauce to pour over himself and then getting tackled by a slimy Meatball.

And if this franchise thinks stupid stunts like that are what the show’s fans want, shark-jumping is going to be a regular occurrence.

We continue to plod toward what Jesse claims is going to be a “shocking ending nobody is gonna see coming.” But first, fantasy suites and more tears.

You can watch Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, catch me on Twitter or chat on my Facebook page.

Watchable on FX, Crave, CBC Gem Aug. 29 to Sept. 4, 2022

August 29, 2022 /

Please note: My show of the week is “The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power,” which debuts on Prime Video on Sept. 2, but reviews are embargoed until Wednesday morning, when I will be out of town on an overnight trip. I will post a review here either later this week or next Monday.

The Patient (Aug. 30, Disney Plus)

Steve Carell as Dr. Alan Strauss and Domhnall Gleeson as Sam Fortner in “The Patient.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Suzanne Tenner/FX

The series is called “The Patient,” but it’s the doctor who’s the star.

Steve Carell gives a wonderfully nuanced and sympathetic performance as a psychiatrist being held prisoner by a serial killer in this drama from Joel Fields and Joseph Weisberg, showrunner and creator, respectively, of “The Americans.”

It’s clear from the moment that “Gene” (Domhnall Gleeson, “Star Wars,” “Harry Potter”) shows up at Dr. Alan Strauss’s home office that something is off about him. From behind purple sunglasses, Gene gives a superficial account of his father’s violent abuse and the fact it has fucked him up.

When Alan says they have to go deeper to make real progress, Gene unilaterally decides on an exclusive course of treatment by kidnapping Alan and confining him to a dingy room in the basement of the home he shares with his mother Candace (Linda Emond), convinced that the doctor can cure him of his homicidal urges.

Obviously, Sam, which is Gene’s real name, is grossly bastardizing the therapeutic process, but we are rooting for Alan, hoping against hope he can connect with whatever shred of conscience Sam possesses. To fail to do so implies he’ll end up like the rest of Sam’s mostly nameless and faceless victims, his possessions inside Sam’s box of prosaic trophies.

Gleeson also does very good work as Sam, although he has less to dig into than Carell. The series doesn’t elucidate Sam’s psychopathy beyond his father’s violence and references to him being an odd kid. We know he’s good at his job as a restaurant inspector, loves food and Kenny Chesney, was married once and indulges in daily extra-large Dunkin’ Donuts coffees. But we skim the surface of his psyche.

Our emotional foothold comes through Alan, who’s grieving the recent death of his wife Beth (Laura Niemi, “This Is Us”), a cantor at a Reform Jewish synagogue, and his rift with his son Ezra (Andrew Leeds, “Barry”), whose adoption of Orthodox Judaism angered both his parents.

Alan is not physically mistreated in his captivity beyond the injury of being chained to the floor but — though Sam is mostly courteous and apologetic — the horror is palpable of being confined by a murderous, emotionally unstable captor with only words to use in your defence.

We explore Alan’s fear and confusion and despair and resolve through nightmares and flashbacks and imaginary sessions with his own therapist Charlie (David Alan Grier, “The Carmichael Show”).

These forays into Alan’s mind break up his two-hander scenes with Sam, while Candace, Sam’s ex Mary (Emily Davis), a few of his co-workers and a couple of his victims also figure in the action. (The series benefits from half-hour instalments that keep the show’s talkiness palatable.)

But it’s Alan who commands our attention and our empathy, and in whose fate we’re most invested.

Short Takes

Franz Linda and Tom Wlaschiha return in Season 3 of “Das Boot.” PHOTO CREDIT: Courtesy of CBC Gem

Das Boot (Sept. 1, CBC Gem)

The first two seasons of this World War II drama were stealthy, kind of like the submarine of the title, in the way they hooked you on the tale of individuals on opposite sides of the conflict in Nazi-occupied France. Season 3, set in 1943, relocates the action to Germany and Britain. In the former, a push is on to build and crew new U-boats to destroy Allied supply lines; in Britain, the navy is refitting its own ships in a bid to destroy those U-boats. Our key characters initially are German engineer Robert Ehrenberg (Franz Dinda), who played a seminal role in the turmoil aboard U-boat 612 in Season 2; British commander Jack Swinburne (Ray Stevenson), who is fixated on wiping out as many submarines as possible after his son’s supply convoy is torpedoed by one; and German investigator Hagen Forster (Tom Wlaschiha of “Game of Thrones” and “Stranger Things”), who’s sent to Lisbon to try to discover who killed a Gestapo spy there. Trust me, there will be plenty more plot threads to follow as the season continues, both on land and sea, with U-949 about to go into service with a young, inexperienced commander and criminals among the crew. I would recommend catching up on seasons 1 and 2 on Gem before you dive into this one since that will deepen your appreciation of returning characters like Ehrenberg and Forster.

CBC Gem also has the original YA comedy “Fakes” (Sept. 1) about two best friends in Vancouver (Emilija Baranac and Jennifer Tong) who build one of the largest fake ID operations in North America; and Season 2 of charming YA period drama “Malory Towers” (Sept. 1) about the adventures of the inmates at a British girls’ boarding school after WWII. You can also check out Season 1 of the Canadian YA series “The Next Step” (Sept. 2), which is set at an elite dance school.

McEnroe (Sept. 2, Crave)

For those old enough to remember John McEnroe before he was the narrator of “Never Have I Ever,” this documentary is a nostalgia trip to a time when tennis giants walked the Earth, McEnroe among them. The documentary by Barney Douglas revisits the glory days of the late 1970s and early ’80s when McEnroe was ranked first in the world and played greats like Vitas Gerulaitis, Bjorn Borg and Jimmy Connors. It also recounts the not so great parts of his life and career, including the on-court tantrums that made McEnroe an enfant terrible, his turbulent marriage to actor Tatum O’Neal amid drug use and infidelity, his failings as a father to the children from his first marriage and his difficult relationship with his own dad. McEnroe gives his own perspective on all of it, while walking the streets of New York City over a single night. Current wife, singer Patty Smyth weighs in as do his kids, and friends and colleagues like Borg, former women’s No. 1 player Billie Jean King and even Rolling Stone Keith Richards.

Crave also has Season 2 of “1 Queen 5 Queers” (Sept. 1), in which drag royalty Brooke Lynn Hytes moderates unfiltered conversations about queer life and culture.

Odds and Ends

Cast members socialize in “Dated & Related.” PHOTO CREDIT: Ana Blumenkron/Netflix

We have another dump of content of dubious quality from Netflix, led by the “reality” series “Dated & Related” (Sept. 2), in which pairs of over-endowed, under-dressed siblings travel to France ostensibly to find love — and cash — while their brothers or sisters look on. Reviews are embargoed, but I doubt I’d have anything to say that would make you want to watch it. Then there’s the movie “Fenced In” (Sept. 1), a comedy about a man who has to endure loud neighbours; the comedy special “Liss Pereira: Adulting” (Sept. 1); the rom-com “Love in the Villa” (Sept. 1), which if nothing else will let you hear Tom Hopper of “Umbrella Academy” use his native British accent; French series “Off the Hook” (Sept. 1), in which roommates decide to abandon their phones and other devices; yet another real estate series, “Buy My House” (Sept. 2), in which Americans try to get real estate investors to purchase their properties; limited series “Devil in Ohio” (Sept. 2),ß about a young girl taken in by a psychiatrist (Emily Deschanel) after she escapes a cult who — surprise! — turns out to be a cuckoo in the nest; Season 2 of “Fabulous Lives of Bollywood Wives” (Sept. 2); Turkish movie “The Festival of Troubadours” (Sept. 2); witchy Spanish YA series “You’re Nothing Special” (Sept. 2); and the South Korean series “Little Women” (Sept. 3), based on the Louisa May Alcott novel.

I would have screened “The Midwich Cuckoos” (Sept. 1, 9 p.m., Showcase/StackTV), an adaptation of the 1957 sci-fi novel about all the women in a British town mysteriously becoming pregnant, if only because it stars Keeley Hawes of “Spooks,” “Line of Duty,” “Bodyguard” and much more.

AMC+ has animated sci-fi series “Pantheon” (Sept. 1), about a bullied teen who receives messages from the consciousness of her dead father (Daniel Dae Kim).

Finally, if you’re a “Rick and Morty” fan, the much hyped Season 6 of the animated comedy debuts on Adult Swim and StackTV Sept. 4 at 11 p.m.

NOTE: The listings here are in Eastern Standard Time and I’ve verified the times where possible, but it’s always best to check listings for your own area. The selection of programs reviewed reflects what I’m given access to by networks and streamers, whether reviews are embargoed, how many shows I have time to watch and my own personal taste. The Odds and Ends section includes shows that I have not watched.

The Bachelorette hometown dates go from good to sad to bad

August 23, 2022 /
Tino Franco’s mother, waiting to shoot down everything Rachel Recchia says on “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos screen grabs

What is real on a reality dating show like “The Bachelorette”?

Was Erich Schwer bringing Gabby Windey home to meet his dying father real?

Was Rachel Recchia crying her eyes out because she sent Tyler Norris home without meeting his family real?

Was Rachel’s discomfort as she got grilled with hostile questions by Tino Franco’s parents real?

All of those moments felt pretty real but, according to Tino’s mom, Sandi, what happens on “The Bachelorette” isn’t real.

Look, I get it: having your son go on a TV show only to come home after six weeks to tell you he’s met the woman he’s going to propose to, it must feel weird and scary.

But asking rude questions, stating your opinions as facts when you don’t really know what the f**k you’re talking about, and being so aggressive you almost make that woman cry . . . well, welcome to the Hometown Hell Hall of Fame, Tino’s parents.

In what’s been a rough season, Monday’s hometowns episode was rough and I don’t just mean around the edges.

It started out encouragingly with lovely dates with Jason (Gabby) and Zach (Rachel), started to slide a little with Johnny (Gabby), who seemed not at all ready to commit, and then just got sad with Tyler and Erich. Then we had the shit show that was Tino’s hometown. We didn’t even get to Aven’s. His gets sandwiched in with “Men Tell All” next week.

But we’re in the home stretch. Just a few more weeks and we’ll know whether the experiment of having two Bachelorettes was a complete failure or whether we’ll even have two Bachelorettes by the end of the season, given the promo. But let’s rewind.

Gabby meets Jason Alabaster’s father on their hometown date.

After a completely unnecessary bit of B-roll of Rachel and Gabby packing on the Good Ship Bachelorette and then telling host Jesse Palmer about their expectations — we’ve got seven dates to get through people, we don’t need this crap! — Gabby got the ball rolling with Jason in New Orleans.

We’ll skip the street musicians on Bourbon Street and throwing beads off a balcony — this isn’t a travelogue — and go straight to Gabby and Jason meeting his dad Michael in a park. He seemed like a warm, decent human being who tearfully described Jason as “a good kid, a good man” and welcomed Gabby with open arms, flowers and beignets. By the time Michael told Jason, “If it’s the real deal I want to be the best man at your wedding,” those beignets were getting a little soggy.

The love-a-palooza and tears-a-palooza continued at Jason’s mom’s house (she and his dad are separated) where sister Kelsey and Gabby got on like a house on fire, and mom Karen said Gabby and Jason were “really, really cute” together.

But Jason confessed to Karen that he wasn’t ready to get engaged and she tearfully warned him not to lose a good thing because “you’re so distracted by everything around you,” i.e. the cameras, the other men, etc.

After the date, Gabby said she was falling in love with Jason.

How long did Rachel and Zach Smallcross have to kiss until that plane crossed the sky?

Next stop: Anaheim, California, where Zach had a surprise for Rachel: a couch set up on a rooftop where they could watch planes take off and land from the airport — a callback to their first date when they talked about going plane-spotting with their dads as kids. It was perfect.

Zach also gets points for being the only hometown with a famous family member, his uncle, actor Patrick Warburton of “Seinfeld,” “NewsRadio,” “The Tick,” “Rules of Engagement,” “Family Guy” and lots more.

We’ll forgive Zach’s dad, Chapman, for saying that “You go to the most romantic places on Earth and you’ll fall in love with a monkey.” By the end of the visit, he and Zach’s mom, Megan, were ready to welcome Rachel into the family.

Zach told Rachel he was in love with her and she said, in voice-over, that she was falling in love with Zach. Forget Tino, honey: snap up Zach!

Johnny DePhillipo with Gabby. Did we mention he’s “super hot”?

Gabby’s next hometown was Palm Beach, Florida, with Johnny, who she said was “super hot” and . . . um . . . well, a good kisser, I guess.

His dad John and mom Elizabeth were all in on Gabby being with Johnny, if that’s what Johnny wanted — but about that. Johnny told his mom he could see himself falling for Gabby, but he wasn’t ready to get engaged, which might come as news to Gabby. As she and Johnny went for a cruise and a smooch, we heard Gabby saying, “It feels so good and so easy being with someone who I know is ready for the next step.” Uh oh.

Rachel shares some hard truths with Tyler on the Jersey Shore.

When you put the Jersey Shore on reality TV, can you expect anything less than turmoil?

Rachel’s date with Tyler in Wildwood, New Jersey, started out with fun carnival games and rides and fried food and smooches on the boardwalk. But by the time Tyler started introducing Rachel to all his friends inside the Hot Spot Restaurant, the wheels were coming off. Next thing you know she was having a breakdown in the time-honoured refuge of the women’s washroom.

Then came the painful breakup. Rachel couldn’t get a word in edgewise because Tyler kept babbling about how great everything was. She started telling Tyler he was “the most incredible person” — and everyone who’s ever watched the show knows the next words will be a variation on “but you’re not my person.” However, Tyler, oblivious, told Rachel he was in love with her and she was “the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” interjected Rachel.

Shaking and crying, Rachel finally managed to tell Tyler that she couldn’t meet his family because she didn’t know if she could “get there” with him.

Tyler, bless him, comforted Rachel, telling her that he still believed that “love that’s forever is real” and she was going to get it.

Then Tyler had to break the news to his excited family that Rachel wasn’t coming. Harsh.

Look, I know this heartbreak is going to put Tyler in the running for next Bachelor. I’d still like to see it go to Ethan, but maybe Tyler can find a nice girl in Paradise.

Erich and Gabby with his father, Allan.

Let’s be honest: taking a woman home to your family who you’ve known for mere weeks and been sharing with other men does seem absurd. But the fact that Erich took Gabby to meet his sick father, Allan, who died of cancer in July, belies Tino’s mom’s insistence that “The Bachelorette” isn’t real. Why would Erich put his dad and Gabby through that if he didn’t have real feelings for her?

It was a sombre visit to Bedminster, N.J. Allan was very frail and had obviously been through hell with the disease. Mom Donna was as welcome as you can be when your husband of 35 years is dying in front of you.

“We marry for life,” she told Erich. And to Gabby: “We don’t give up on each other, ever.”

Erich vaulted to the front of Gabby’s pack after the emotional day, with them telling each other later that they were falling in love with each other. But a clip of Erich telling Gabby he can’t handle the woman he’s in love with having sex with other guys suggests a rocky road ahead.

Don’t let the smiles on Sandi, Joe and Mateo fool you; Rachel got a rough ride from the Franco family.

Finally, it was time for the main event in Santa Clarita, Calif., as “The Bachelorette” saved the worst for last.

Even before Rachel and Tino walked into the house, his parents were dismissive of the possibility of them having a real relationship.

When Tino said he was going to propose in two weeks, his dad Joe scoffed, “What are you talking about after two months? We’re gonna have to have a talk.”

Rachel told his mom how much she admired Tino’s positive, giving outlook on life, to which Sandi replied, “If you met him outside of this, this isn’t real.”

“Well, it is,” replied Rachel, but Sandi wasn’t having it, calling the experience an “insulated bubble.”

And sure, it is that, but Sandi wasn’t there for any of it, so what the hell would she know? Unless there’s criminality or abuse involved, you should butt the hell out of your adult children’s love lives.

It went downhill from there. Joe, insultingly, referred to Rachel’s “second go-round” — as if the fact she got dumped by Clayton Echard should preclude her from trying to find love with someone else — and suggested she was out to get engaged at all costs.

“I wouldn’t put him in this position just so I could get married, I’m not that type of person,” Rachel said, but she might as well have been talking to the wall.

“I feel like they hated me,” Rachel fretted to a producer after the talk. Nonetheless, Rachel graciously rose above the rudeness of Tino’s parents and thanked them for asking her hard-hitting questions.

Outside the house, Tino told her his family adored her. And when Rachel told him she did not feel adored, he changed the subject and told her he was falling in love with her.

Giant red flag. Run, Rachel, run! Instead, alas, she told Tino she was falling in love with him too.

So here’s where things stand, with one hometown date still to come. Rachel’s falling for Zach and Tino, both of whom appear ready to get engaged although, as Rachel pointed out, “When you marry someone you marry their family.” I would not want to marry Tino’s family.

Gabby’s falling for Jason and Erich, and can see herself falling in love with Johnny, although only Erich seems proposal-ready and fantasy suites might screw that up.

The promo showed both Gabby and Rachel in tears — what else is new? — and Jesse telling Rachel, “Gabby will not be joining you. You’re gonna be the only Bachelorette here.” We’ll have to wait two weeks to find out what that’s about.

In the meantime, you can watch “Men Tell All” Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, catch me on Twitter or chat on my Facebook page.

Watchable on Crave, AMC+ and Netflix Aug. 22 to 28, 2022

August 22, 2022 /

SHOW OF THE WEEK 1: House of the Dragon (Now on HBO/Crave with new episodes Sundays at 9 p.m.)

Matt Smith, Emily Carey and Milly Alcock in “House of the Dragon.” PHOTO CREDIT: Ollie Upton/HBO

If you long for a certain brand of backstabbing betrayal and political discord, stomach-churning violence and frank sex, the “Game of Thrones” prequel is here. But it’s not rival families jockeying for power, but members of one family turning on each other in this story about the ancestors of Dragon Queen Daenerys Targaryen.

As “House of the Dragon” begins, things start out well enough for King Viserys I, an amiable but weak-willed monarch played appealingly by Paddy Considine. He was chosen as king over a cousin who had a better claim to the Iron Throne but was discounted because she was a woman, Princess Rhaenys Velaryon (Eve Best).

But there is peace in the kingdom, Viserys has a queen he loves, who he’s certain is about to bear him a son, and a daughter, Rhaenyra (Milly Alcock), who seems content to play second fiddle to an infant. Yet childbirth is the battlefield of women, as mother Aemma (Sian Brooke) reminds Rhaenyra, and a shattering loss leaves Viserys without his longed for heir.

By tradition, Daemon, the violent, impulsive and vain brother of the king (played with sinister panache by Matt Smith), would inherit the throne, but he finally exceeds the forbearance of Viserys when he mockingly toasts the king’s dead son while partying in a brothel, which leads Viserys to name Rhaenyra as heir — despite the prejudices against women on the throne.

If you’ve read up on Targaryen family history or you just have an appreciation for foreshadowing, you’ll know this can’t end well.

The six episodes that were made available for review trace the fallout of that decision.

Also jockeying for position are the hand of the king, Otto Hightower (Rhys Ifans), and Lord Corlys Velaryon (Steve Toussaint, read my interview with him here), husband of spurned Queen That Never Was Rhaenys. Both men use their daughters to try to solidify their power by offering them as new wives to Viserys, though one is just 12 and the other, Rhaenyra’s best friend Alicent (Emily Carey), is 15. I know that sort of thing was actually done in the times that inspired George R.R. Martin’s novels, but that doesn’t make it any more palatable.

And while we’re on the subject of creepy couplings, incest among the Targaryens is apparently still on the table in “House of the Dragon.” Jon Snow doing it with his Aunt Daenerys was not a highlight of “Game of Thrones” for me, but at least they were consenting adults. Daemon taking his 15-year-old niece to a “pleasure palace” is considerably ickier.

This spinoff appears to be trying to give its female characters more of a voice although women still get the short end of the stick in the Seven Kingdoms. I suppose if Rhaenyra doesn’t end up power-mad, scorching the streets of King’s Landing with her dragon, that will be an improvement.

Speaking of dragons, they are a regular feature here and the CGI is passable, but just as Targaryen rulers can’t depend too much on their dragons, as Viserys warns Rhaenyra, a TV series can’t either.

“House of the Dragon” has a lot going for it. It’s handsomely shot and expertly acted, and great care obviously went into the production.

But a lot has happened in the world since “Thrones” signed off in 2019, so one question becomes whether the brutality inherent in the “Thrones” universe is as palatable now in a war-weary, pandemic-pooped and politically fragile milieu.

Heads, limbs and other body parts are lopped off when Daemon and his City Watch go on a rampage; fights between knights end with skulls getting caved in; and there’s a childbirth scene bloody enough to make women of child-bearing age book tubal ligations.

What’s more glaring are the things that “Thrones” had that “Dragon” does not, chiefly humour and variety. There is no Tyrion Lannister here for comic relief, for instance. And the action is mostly confined to King’s Landing and Dragonstone, with some brief forays to places like Pentos, Harrenhal and the Stepstones, where Daemon and Corlys combine to quash a rebellion of the Free Cities.

It’s not that characters like Rhaenyra and Daemon aren’t of interest, but the glorious — as well as the sometimes maddening — thing about “Game of Thrones” was how widely it ranged within Westeros and beyond, and how many plots and people it presented for our regard.

It remains to be seen whether the travails of one family in a small part of the vast Seven Kingdoms is enough to hold viewers’ attention in an even more competitive TV landscape.

Annie Murphy as Allison and Mary Hollis Inboden as Patty in “Kevin Can F**k Himself.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Robert Clark/Stalwart Productions/AMC

SHOW OF THE WEEK 2: Kevin Can F**k Himself (Aug. 22, 9 p.m., AMC/AMC+)

If you worried where Season 2 of “Kevin Can F**k Himself” would go, with Allison’s (Annie Murphy) plot to kill her husband Kevin (Eric Petersen) foiled and exposed to his best friend Neil (Alex Bonifer), you can exhale.

Season 2 brings a satisfying, if dark, conclusion to this tale of the behind-the-scenes torment of a sitcom wife.

It begins where Season 1 left off, with Neil on the floor of Allison’s kitchen, which is where his sister Patty (Mary Hollis Inboden) put him after he tried to strangle Allison. He’s still threatening to tell about the murder plot, though, which brings another blow to the head and an abduction.

That chain of events causes trauma for all three characters, puts a dent in Allison’s and Patty’s friendship, and sees Neil spending more time in the single-camera dramatic universe of “Kevin Can F**k Himself.” He tries to resume his position as the faithful sidekick in Kevin’s brightly lit, laugh-tracked, multi-cam world, but he has seen behind the curtain of his own and Kevin’s dysfunction, and that knowledge won’t stay buried.

Alison, meanwhile, knows that she can’t murder Kevin, not least because his bid for public office has brought him temporary fame after a ridiculous campaign ad goes viral.

If she can’t kill Kevin, what about herself? She hatches a new scheme to fake her own death, into which she draws to varying degrees Patty, her former lover Sam (Raymond Lee) and her aunt Diane (Jamie Denbo). But, as is usual for Allison, the more she tries to fix things the more they go awry.

What is gratifying is that Allison, like Neil, gains greater self-awareness, a realization that not everything that’s gone wrong in her life is Kevin’s fault and that she can be selfish in her own right, particularly when it comes to Patty.

That’s not to say that Kevin gets any less reprehensible. He continues to sow chaos for everyone in his orbit while pursuing his own gratification. Allison even begins to use Kevin’s talent for getting himself out of jams to her advantage, telling Sam that after 15 years of Kevin taking from her she’s starting to get something back.

But when Patty’s police officer girlfriend Tammy (Candice Coke) begins to unravel Patty’s part in the murder-for-hire scheme, Allison takes drastic action to keep her friend safe.

Along the way, she gains the confidence to do what she should have done from the beginning rather than plotting murder. I won’t tell you how it ends, but Kevin is torn from his sitcom cocoon — finally — by Allison’s honesty. And when the chips fall, Patty is still by Allison’s side.

It turns out “Kevin Can F**k Himself” was a love story all along, just not one that had anything to do with matrimony.

Odds and Ends

Mohammed Amer, right, created and stars in ” Mo.” PHOTO CREDIT: Courtesy of Netflix © 2022

Sorry folks, I’m still not up to full screening speed yet, so I don’t have any short takes this week. As usual, Netflix has a plethora of new offerings. The one that seemed of most interest to me was “Mo” (Aug. 24), a semi-autobiographical comedy in which comedian Mohammed Amer stars as a Kuwait-born Palestinian refugee in Houston, hustling to make a living while seeking asylum for himself, his mother and brother. Also on the menu: the prank comedy “Chad & JT Go Deep” (Aug. 23); kids’ show “Lost Ollie” (Aug. 24); luxury real estate reality series “Selling the OC” (Aug. 24); legal drama “Partner Track” (Aug. 26), starring Arden Cho as a young New York City lawyer; gearhead docuseries “Drive Hard: The Maloof Way” (Aug. 26) about the racing, stunt-driving Maloof family; and the film “Me Time” (Aug. 26), a dads on a wild weekend comedy starring Mark Wahlberg and the ubiquitous Kevin Hart.

I had every intention of screening “The Thief, His Wife and the Canoe” (Aug. 23, Britbox), a new true crime drama about a man who faked his own death with the connivance of his wife. It stars the excellent Eddie Marsan (“Ray Donovan”) and Monica Dolan (“Vanity Fair”). And it’s just four episodes, so get binging.

There’s been buzz around the docuseries “Welcome to Wrexham” (Aug. 24, 10 p.m., FX), about actors Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney buying a football club in the scrappy Welsh town of Wrexham. The “Ted Lasso” comparisons are inevitable, but I have to say it looks pretty darn heartwarming in the trailer. FX also has Season 13 of animated comedy “Archer” (Aug. 24, 10 p.m., FXX) and new animated comedy “Little Demon” (Aug. 25, 10 p.m., FXX), starring Danny DeVito as the voice of Satan and his real-life daughter, Lucy DeVito, as the devil’s offspring.

Mike Tyson has made his feelings clear about the bio-series “Mike” (Aug. 25, Disney+ Star) — hint, he’s not happy — but I guess you can make your own judgment about the miniseries starring Trevante Rhodes as the heavyweight champion.

Apple TV+ has the third and final season of “See” (Aug. 26), starring Jason Momoa as a warrior and father in a post-apocalyptic world where humanity has lost the sense of sight.

Finally, if you’re partial to Sylvester Stallone and/or aging superheroes, Prime Video has the film “Samaritan” (Aug. 26), in which Sly stars as a superhero who has to come out of retirement to save the world again. Of course he does.

NOTE: The listings here are in Eastern Standard Time and I’ve verified the times where possible, but it’s always best to check listings for your own area. The selection of programs reviewed reflects what I’m given access to by networks and streamers, whether reviews are embargoed, how many shows I have time to watch and my own personal taste. The Odds and Ends section includes shows that I have not watched.

Edited because, duh, I mixed up Arden Cho’s name with her character name.

Nate gets dumped, Tino’s a big cheese on ‘The Bachelorette’

August 16, 2022 /
Ethan and Tyler balance wheels of cheese during a group date with Rachel in Amsterdam.
PHOTO CREDIT All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

That stink you’re detecting isn’t the smell of cheese from Rachel’s group date; it’s the stench of this season of “The Bachelorette” being treated like a zero sum game whereby Rachel Recchia and Gabby Windey aren’t allowed to be happy at the same time.

Last week, we got sad Rachel after Logan jumped ship to Gabby’s team. This week, we got sad Gabby after a) she sent Nate home because she wasn’t ready to be a stepmom and b) she had to cancel her group date after-party because Logan . . . wait for it . . . got COVID-19.

Yep, that “there has been a situation with Logan” promo from last week? Manipulative nonsense. And I have so many questions. How did Logan get COVID? How come no one else got it considering we saw him unmasked and less than six feet away from the rest of Gabby’s men in last week’s episode and laying smooches on Gabby? And why did he look so healthy during the day portion of the group date, which involved absolutely ridiculous S&M-tinged shenanigans?

And you’re seriously telling me that after Logan was essentially made the star of last week’s episode he’s just gone with not even so much as an exit interview? Weird.

I missed about the first 10 minutes of this episode due to some technical difficulties with the TV in my B&B (I’m writing this from Stratford, Ontario), but I was able to catch Gabby’s heartrending breakup with Nate.

Obviously this isn’t Nate and Gabby in Amsterdam, but ABC didn’t
provide any photos of them this week and I couldn’t do screen grabs.

And yes, I said heartrending. I read the stuff all over Twitter last week about Nate supposedly dating two women at once and keeping his daughter a secret from one of them, but even if it’s true it doesn’t negate the sadness of his breakup with Gabby.

It seemed obvious from the moment Gabby said she hadn’t figured out yet if she wanted to be a mother that Nate was on the way out. We didn’t need a totally staged conversation between Logan and Johnny back on the Good Ship Bachelorette to hammer the point home.

It’s not exactly rocket science that someone who’s still trying to get over her dysfunctional relationship with her own mother wouldn’t be jonesing to be a parent.

“It’s so cliche, but I’m, like, terrified of not just being a mom but being, like, bad at it,” Gabby told Nate through tears as they sat on a bench in the heart of Amsterdam.

There were tears on both sides and long hugs and kisses goodbye and Nate, despite his frontrunner status, was gone.

Gabby seemed so very sad to lose Nate and Rachel, conversely, seemed so very happy.

She and Zach had a one-on-one, a bucket list date apparently that began with them taking crappy Polaroid photos of each other in a massive field of tulips (sorry, no photos; ABC saw fit to provide photos of Gabby’s S&M date but not Rachel’s picturesque tulip date).

Then she and Zach went bike riding and among the things you can find in the Dutch countryside are cheese, wooden shoes, lemonade and, um, hot tubs.

Also windmills but, unlike Pilot Pete and Hannah Brown, Zach and Rachel didn’t get busy inside one, they just did some smooching in front of it.

There was a lot of smooching on this date.

Zach had some revelations to make at dinner in a gorgeous museum full of old Dutch masters (might have been the Rijksmuseum, but I’m not 100 per cent sure). First, he said he used to be 85 pounds overweight and didn’t love himself so he went to therapy. And Rachel was as thrilled about that as Gabby was upon hearing about Jason’s therapy.

Second, now that Zach felt like a man who deserved love, he knew he was falling in love with Rachel.

Zach’s hometown date rose was never in any doubt, but that revelation sealed the deal.

Cut back to the cruise ship: Gabby was still sad. She tearfully told her remaining men — Johnny, Jason, Erich, Logan and Spencer — about sending Nate home and they all gave her hugs, which was nice of them.

Gabby was still sad about Nate the next morning, but she said her other connections were deepening and she had “a so amazing and so fun” group date planned.

But she didn’t plan it obviously. Nobody but a “Bachelorette” producer would think it would be entertaining — for either the participants or the viewers — to have a leather-clad dominatrix ask the men intrusive sex questions and threaten to whip them if they didn’t answer.

I am not a prude, but it’s nobody’s business but the individual men’s and Gabby’s whether they like giving oral sex (I’m assuming that was the bleeped out bit), how often they masturbate (again, bleeped out, but my assumption) and how many people they’ve had sex with.

Gabby uses a whip on her remaining five men on another stupid group date.

The guys were also forced to strip off their shirts (Johnny at one point stripped to his underwear) so they could be tickled with feathers, whipped, and have whipped cream and even flames applied to their chests.

As Logan said, “I was hoping today would be the deep dive into who we are and what we represent. I’m blindfolded, laying on a shag carpet, waiting for her to rub whipped cream on my nipples.”

And how would any of that help Gabby decide whose hometowns she wanted to visit? It wouldn’t obviously. (Not unless she wanted to analyze why Johnny’s safe word was “pumpkin” and Logan’s was “asbestos.”)

And the fact that Gabby was able to choose three men for hometowns (instead of the usual four) despite not getting to talk to any of them at the cancelled after-party shows the group date was kind of superfluous anyway.

The same applied to Rachel’s group date. Did anybody really think that Ethan was going to get a hometown and that either Tino, Tyler or Aven would not? Of course not, but they went through the motions nonetheless with a trip to a town called “the cheese capital of the world” (no, I did not catch the name).

Eventually, the four guys had to take off their shirts — are you noticing a theme here? — and hold yokes across their shoulders laden with wheels of cheese. They eventually got up to four wheels on each side, which looked really heavy.

Rachel smooches Tino in the “cheese capital of the world.”

Tino won, barely beating out Ethan. Poor Ethan, who had been nibbling cheese despite being lactose intolerant, collapsed on the grass from exhaustion. Tyler had cuts on his hands and wrists, but what hurt the most was having to watch Rachel kiss the victorious Tino.

And let’s be honest, Tino acted like kind of an entitled dick at the after-party. He figured the date rose had his name on it, but Rachel gave it to Tyler, who told her he was falling very, very hard for her.

Tino walked off to complain to a producer that it was “a fucking joke” and was making him second guess everything, which prompted one of the other dudes to call him a “real baby back bitch.”

But at least Tino apologized to Ethan the next day.

Of course, all this talk of Tino feeling blindsided and not knowing if Rachel felt the same as him was bullshit to try to build up suspense for an utterly unsuspenseful rose ceremony. Which is also why Tino’s name was the last to be called for a rose, after Aven’s. But sorry producers, no one seriously thought Rachel was going to dump Tino for Ethan. No offence Ethan.

Likewise, it was obvious that Gabby was giving roses to Erich, Jason and Johnny, and sending Spencer home.

Does that mean Logan would have got a hometown if he had still been around? Guess we’ll never know.

So next week, hometowns and if you believe the promos it looks like rough waters ahead for Rachel and Tino, but you can’t believe everything you see.

You can watch Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, catch me on Twitter or chat on my Facebook page.

Watchable on Crave, Netflix, Apple Aug. 15 to 21, 2022

August 15, 2022 /

Here’s the deal: I didn’t screen anything last week, partly because of the usual embargoes, partly because some screeners weren’t available, partly because — after more than two years of working seven days a week to feed the blog while also fulfilling my duties as a Toronto Star editor and writer — I gave myself permission to take a weekend off. So unfortunately, I haven’t sampled any of the shows I’m presenting below, but these are the things that seem to me to be worth a shot.

Bob Odenkirk as Jimmy McGill/Saul Goodman in “Better Call Saul” Season 6.
PHOTO CREDIT: Greg Lewis/AMC/Sony Pictures Television

The sixth and final season of “Better Call Saul” has been like summer: over way too soon. In the series finale (Aug. 15, 9 p.m., AMC), we presumably find out how things end for Gene Takavic, the post-“Breaking Bad” alias of Jimmy McGill/Saul Goodman, after Marion (Carol Burnett) dropped a dime on him in the penultimate episode. You better believe if I’d been able to get my hands on a screener I would have watched this one in advance.

Manti Te’o in “Untold: The Girlfriend Who Didn’t Exist.” PHOTO CREDIT: Netflix © 2022

Most promising for Netflix this week, in my view, is “Untold: The Girlfriend Who Didn’t Exist” (Aug. 16), a docuseries about the catfishing scam that befell Hawaiian college football player Manti Te’o in 2012. The streamer also has the film “Look Both Ways” (Aug. 17), in which a young woman (Lili Reinhart) lives two parallel realities, one in which she becomes a single mother, one in which she pursues a career in L.A. There’s also the Spanish series “The Girl in the Mirror” (Aug. 19), about a teenager with amnesia after a bus crash that kills most of her classmates, and “Echoes” (Aug. 19), an Australian series about twin sisters who trade lives.

Tatiana Maslany in “She-Hulk: Attorney at Law.” PHOTO CREDIT: Courtesy of Marvel Studios

Superhero shows are usually not my thing, but I want to give “She-Hulk: Attorney at Law” (Aug. 18, Disney+) the benefit of the doubt because it stars talented Canadian actor Tatiana Maslany (“Orphan Black”). Here she plays a lawyer who is also a six-foot-seven hulk. She gets advice from her cousin Smart Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), and Tim Roth (Emil Blonsky) and Benedict Wong (Wong) are among the MCU veterans who are along for the ride.

Anne-Marie Duff, Sharon Horgan, Eva Birthistle, Sarah Greene and Eve Hewson in “Bad Sisters.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Apple TV+

The dark comedy “Bad Sisters” (Aug. 19, Apple TV+) sounds very promising. It was created by Sharon Horgan, known for “Catastrophe,” “Pulling” and “Divorce”; it stars some talented actors besides Horgan, including Anne-Marie Duff (“Shameless”), Eva Birthistle (“Brooklyn”), Sarah Greene (“Dublin Murders,” “Normal People”) and Eve Hewson (“The Knick”); and it’s set in Ireland, which is always a plus for me. Although the official synopsis describes it as being about five sisters bound by the premature death of their parents, from what I’ve read it has more to do with the death of John Paul (Claes Bang), the husband of Grace (Duff) and who killed him.

Four adolescents search for three teenage girls who mysteriously disappeared in “Paraiso.”
PHOTO CREDIT: CBC Gem

“Mi’kma’ki” (Aug. 19, all shows CBC Gem) is a short documentary series about Indigenous people and their connections to their land, culture and community. The first three episodes stream Friday with the fourth to follow at a later date. “Paraiso” (Aug. 19) is a sci-fi series that sounds like a Spanish “Stranger Things.” Three 15-year-old girls disappear from a nightclub in 1992 and four other kids set out to find them, discovering that supernatural beings are involved. Finally, the documentary “The River of My Dreams: A Portrait of Gordon Pinsent,” about the revered Canadian actor, makes its TV debut on Aug. 20.

Eve Best in “House of the Dragon.” PHOTO CREDIT: Ollie Upton/HBO

“House of the Dragon” (Aug. 21, 9 p.m., HBO/Crave) is the big one if you’re a “Game of Thrones” or fantasy TV fan. I will get screeners at some point, since I’m interviewing Steve Toussaint, who plays Lord Corlys Velaryon, on Thursday. I just don’t know when. In the meantime, I can tell you that “Dragon” is a “GoT” prequel set 200 years before the events of that series that focuses on the forebears of Daenerys Targaryen. Crave also has the premiere of “Drag Race Philippines” (Aug. 17) for those of you who can’t get enough “Drag Race” and the streaming debut of the movie “The Eyes of Tammy Faye” (Aug. 19), with Jessica Chastain channelling the late Tammy Faye Bakker in an Oscar-winning turn.

“Cinema A to Z” (Aug. 21, 9 p.m., Hollywood Suite) does what its title suggests, explore a film topic from A to Z with interviews and clips. First up is “Books,” already available online and making its broadcast debut on Sunday. Expect insights into everything from Jane Austen adaptations to Stephen King to J.R.R. Tolkien and Stefan Zweig (“The Grand Budapest Hotel,” for one, was inspired by his literature).

NOTE: The listings here are in Eastern Standard Time and I’ve verified the times where possible, but it’s always best to check listings for your own area. The selection of programs reviewed reflects what I’m given access to by networks and streamers, whether reviews are embargoed, how many shows I have time to watch and my own personal taste.

Logan jumps Rachel’s ship for Gabby’s on The Bachelorette

August 9, 2022 /
Interloper Logan, third from right, with Johnny, Erich, Spencer, Jason and Nate of Team Gabby.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

Belgium was the perfect place to set Monday’s episode of “The Bachelorette” considering the main plot line was about a dude waffling.

Logan Palmer finally fessed up that he wanted to switch from Team Rachel to Team Gabby and the duplicitous bastard got away with it.

At the start of the episode, Logan decided that he couldn’t in good conscience go on a group date with Rachel given his feelings for Gabby, which is how he found himself at the door of her suite aboard the Unloved Boat just before said date — although his conscience had been cool with him accepting a rose from Rachel in last week’s episode.

The worst part is that Gabby not only invited him onto her team — after getting Rachel’s blessing — she gave him a rose at the end of the episode.

But let’s rewind a little bit on l’affaire Logan.

You might recall that in Week 2, Logan kissed both Gabby and Rachel and, though they were both into him, Gabby stepped back and let Rachel give him a rose.

Logan accepted another rose from Rachel in Week 3 but then, in Week 4, just seeing Gabby again was allegedly enough to give him doubts about Rachel. But oh gee, the cocktail party got cancelled before that rose ceremony, conveniently preventing him from telling Rachel how he felt before the roses got handed out.

So here they all were, on their humongous Virgin Voyages cruise ship, and Rachel was excited about tasting real Belgian chocolate and putting the rejection of the previous week behind her. As if.

Cue Logan knocking on her door to tell her — after blowing a sufficient amount of smoke up her ass about how great she was — that he still had feelings for Gabby.

There were more tears (not in front of Logan thankfully), more lamentation about how she was a failure as a Bachelorette and, poof, no more group date. Instead Rachel sulked in her room in a robe while getting a pep talk from host Jesse Palmer, who then had to break the news to Zach, Tino, Meatball, Ethan and Tyler that Rachel wasn’t coming out to play in Bruges that day.

Host Jesse Palmer breaks the bad news to Zach, Meatball, Tyler, Ethan and Tino.

They may have dodged a messy bullet since I’m pretty sure they were meant to wrestle each other in a giant vat of chocolate, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t bummed.

And I am also disappointed that Rachel didn’t put her big girl panties on, say “Fuck Logan,” and go spend some time with guys like Zach, Tino and Tyler, who have very much not been rejecting her.

In the meantime, Logan had slimed his way over to Gabby’s suite to tell her he still had a boner, er, I mean feelings for her. Gabby told him she couldn’t make a decision until she’d talked with Rachel, which she did, in the loving, supportive way that we’re used to. And Rachel said she was cool with Gabby pursuing Logan if that’s what she wanted but also, after Gabby had left, “I just don’t think Logan is trustworthy. He strung me along for weeks.” Exactly!

And this is what makes Gabby’s decision to keep Logan so annoying. Quite apart from taking up with the guy who just disrespected your best friend (see also, Rachel and Hayden), why would you trust a dude who was that wishy-washy?

Could Gabby actually like or, at least, lust after Logan; or she is just doing the producers’ bidding in the time-honoured tradition of Bachelorettes before her?

Door No. 2 seems more plausible. At the rose ceremony she kept Jason, Spencer and Erich (along with Johnny and Nate, who already had roses) and let Michael and Mario, her first impression rose winner, go home. But if she had already decided that Michael and Mario had no chance of making it to the end, it would be no skin off her teeth to keep Logan at the producers’ behest instead of one of them.

The drama potential is obviously high: not only is Logan’s presence stirring up resentment in Gabby’s men, it will be a constant reminder to Rachel of rejection. Gotta keep stoking those insecurities.

Rachel, meanwhile, did make it to the after-party portion of the group date, where she told her fellows about Logan and offered them the chance to walk out if they also weren’t feeling her.

None of them did, obviously. I got a particular kick out of Meatball, who’d declined a rose from Rachel just a couple of weeks before and been allowed back in to even up the team numbers, saying he was “100 per cent invested in this relationship.”

After doing some heavy duty smooching with favourites Tino, Tyler and Zach, and having her confidence restored — duh — Rachel gave the date rose to Tino, who told her off a little for the “amazing memory” they lost when she chose to brood over Logan instead of explore Bruges with the other men.

Onwards! Gabby had a group date to be getting on with and it was drama-free unless you count Erich, Michael, Jason, Nate, Spencer and Mario getting their asses kicked by a bunch of little kids playing soccer. Not even the part where they slapped each other in the face with cold fish could ruin the collegial mood.

From left, Michael, Nate, Gabby, Jason, Mario, Erich and Spencer enjoying some fine Belgian beer.

“It’s just refreshing to not have to worry about drama,” Nate said. Dunh dunh dunh dunh.

The men had barely settled into their seats at the after-party, with more commentary by Nate about how respectful the group was of each other, when Logan crashed it. Surprise!

The other men were shook, naturally, but put on their game faces with Gabby. Nate even told her she had his support to explore her relationship with Logan.

What almost made me gag was Gabby telling Logan, “The premise of everything is to listen to your heart and try to find a way to do it with integrity, which you did.” Uh, no, he did not. And then she smooched him.

It would have been even grosser if she had given Logan the date rose, but thankfully it went to Nate.

There were also one-on-one dates to be getting on with.

Rachel and Aven practising for the wedding with a lace veil.

Rachel and Aven seemed to do more kissing than sightseeing in Bruges, ate some chocolate, natch, and came upon some strategically planted women making lace, who just happened to have a veil handy for Rachel to try on.

Blah blah blah, I could see a wedding in our future, blah blah blah.

Later, Aven sang for his supper by telling Rachel how he was forced to live with his dad when he was 10 and didn’t have much of a relationship with his mom until he was older. And she had made him some rubber bracelet good energy thingy that he turned over to Rachel to help smooth her rocky path as Bachelorette.

Then came smooches, a date rose, fireworks. Add Aven to the hometown date list.

Gabby’s one-on-one was with Johnny and it was kind of cool because, honestly, this guy was a cipher until we saw him having fun with Gabby at the Half Moon brewery, including taking a beer bath.

Rub a dub dub, Gabby and Johnny in the beer tub.

Later, Johnny told Gabby about getting his heart broken by a woman who disappeared on him as soon as he started being himself, how he lacked confidence generally and struggled with depression. And Gabby, who knows from depression and anxiety, could relate.

Perhaps Jason could share the name of his therapist although, in all seriousness, his confession made me root for Johnny. He got the date rose, obviously.

Going into the rose ceremony, the only question was whether Gabby would keep Logan and we know how that turned out.

At least the cocktail party didn’t get cancelled this week. But it was a bad night for guys whose names, or nicknames, started with M, with Meatball getting the boot from Team Rachel alongside Michael and Mario on Team Gabby.

Next stop, Amsterdam. We don’t know precisely what will happen next week since the promo was for the rest of the season, but was anybody shocked to see Jesse telling Gabby “There has been a situation with Logan”? Did he find a third woman to switch his allegiance to?

If you’re still hanging in, you can watch next week’s episode, when the hometown date recipients will be chosen, Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, catch me on Twitter or chat on my Facebook page.

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