SPOILER ALERT: DON’T READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED EPISODE 1 OF “CANADA’S DRAG RACE.”
Hey RuPaul, we didn’t fuck it up.
“Canada’s Drag Race” is finally here and the debut was fun, bitchy, naughty, sparkly, snarky and sometimes weird.
It had everything you’d want from a “Drag Race” episode: fabulous, witty judges; an interesting, varied group of queens; eye-popping costumes and entertaining challenges — plus a sequinned maple leaf entrance to the werk room and gold moose antlers.
We even have a villain after just one episode. Say hello to Kyne, more on her below.
“RuPaul’s Drag Race” namesake RuPaul Charles was there in spirit and on video, welcoming the Canadian queens to the family. “It’s aboot time, eh?” Ru joked, which is kind of cute but, honestly, I’ve never pronounced “about” as “aboot” in my life. I will cop to saying “eh” occasionally.
Anyhow, I didn’t miss RuPaul thanks to Brooke Lynn Hytes. Brooke, who has a great rapport with her fellow judges, Stacey McKenzie and Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman, truly is the Queen of the North. She’s also the Queen of the Quip.
She had some gems during the mini-challenge, which had the queens climbing a fake-snow-covered ramp (ahem, the Rocky Mountains) while carrying a checkered flag, then posing for celebrity photographer Matt Barnes as a high-powered fan nearly blew their false eyelashes off.
“I do love a built-in glory hole,” said Brooke as Ilona Verley put her flag pole through the giant ring in her nose. “I think I’ve seen this porn: Sid Vicious, ‘White Christmas,’” Brooke quipped as Scarlett BoBo writhed and squealed atop the ramp. And, of French-Canadian queen Rita Baga: “Her tuck is separatiste.”
Kyne was judged to have the best photo and won the challenge. The 21-year-old is from Kitchener, Ont., not exactly known as a drag hot spot, but if you thought she’d be a bit humble around veterans like Toronto’s Tynomi Banks and Montreal’s Rita Baga, think again.
“I’ve taught 100,000 people how to do drag in my videos and I’m here to teach 11 more,” boasted Kyne, the self-declared “queen of social media.”
A little trash talking is a good thing; if you’re not bragging about yourself, why are you on “Drag Race”? But confidence started to look more like arrogance after Kyne’s victory, as she boasted that she was also going to win the maxi-challenge: a runway show in which the queens had to create costumes out of fabric and props with Canadian themes.
on Night 1 of “Canada’s Drag Race.” PHOTO CREDIT: Bell Media
Kyne talked back to the judges when they didn’t gag over her disco “Yukon gold digger” outfit.
When guest host Elisha Cuthbert said it wasn’t her favourite, Kyne snarked, “Well, it’s my favourite look tonight.” She also rolled her eyes hard while the judges praised Toronto queen BOA (which stands for Bitch on Arrival), who made it into the top three with her “Man of Green Gay-bles” outfit. Back in the work room, Kyne loudly complained, “We are living in a world where BOA beat me!”
Well, yeah, duh. BOA put potatoes on her tits and Kyne thought sewing gold balls to her bell bottoms was the height of creativity? Puhleeze.
Kyne’s brattiness did not go unnoticed by the judges. “There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance,” Brooke told Kyne when she declared her safe. “We all suggest you find it.”
What are the chances? We’ll find out next week, although the promo of her telling Brooke Lynn she “forgives” her doesn’t look promising.
My personal favourite outfit was Victoria queen Jimbo’s “Rain-blow It Up” dress of many colours. Honourable mention goes to BOA’s potatoes, Tynomi Banks’ sock accessories and the crab legs on Priyanka’s shoes. But Rita Baga won with her “Quebec-Froid” snow queen outfit, complete with real cheese curds. There’s no doubt it was the most coherently themed look. Brooke affectionately described Rita as a “campy Quebecois queen.”
Forced to lip-sync for their lives were Lemon and Juice Boxx, who are both from Toronto although Lemon lives in New York.
No way I saw that coming for Lemon, given her level of experience as a New York queen, but she got stuck with a box of sports paraphernalia for her costume – thanks to Kyne – for which she had no affinity. She tried hard, but the look didn’t gel.
Juice Boxx got tripped up by her lack of sewing skills. Her Flintstone-esque top and skirt with bits of broken CDs glued to them looked basic and unfinished.
Lemon put her Alvin Ailey dance school training to use during the lip sync, to Carly Rae Jepsen’s “I Really Like You.” I thought Juice Boxx had a lot of heart, but it’s hard to compete with two splits. Juice Boxx sashayed away with a smile on her face and the C-word on her lips, but she said it with love.
Until next week …
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