SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU KEEP READING THIS YOU’LL FIND OUT WHO LOST AND WHO WON ON EPISODE 6 OF “CANADA’S DRAG RACE.”
I don’t need a crystal ball — or a drag queen called Crystal — to tell you this much: the competition is getting more serious on “Canada’s Drag Race.”
“This is not RuPaul’s Best Friend Race, I am not here to make friends anymore,” declared Lemon — understandable considering that four of seven queens had just voted her most deserving of sashaying away.
Luckily for Lemon, the judges didn’t pay them heed. It was BOA who got the boot after losing the lip sync to Ilona Verley — coincidentally, the queen the other three contestants deemed deserving of an exit.
It was also BOA who inspired Lemon’s unfriendly sentiments after telling Lemon she was not genuine and too quick to vocalize her love of herself.
Sour lemons, er, grapes?
If I were the remaining queens I’d be looking out for Rita Baga. The Quebec queen has now won three maxi-challenges and could run away with — or is that “s’enfuir avec”? — the competition.
I’m not gonna lie: this episode was a bit of a come-down after the high of last week’s Snatch Game. Also, it didn’t have enough Brooke Lynn Hytes in it. It began with an improv mini-challenge. The queens had to play psychic hotline operators and give tips to a mystery caller: Crystal, the Newfoundland-born queen who was the first Canadian to compete on “RuPaul’s Drag Race U.K.”
And if you’re thinking, “Oh shit, Priyanka playing a fortune teller? After last week’s Miss Cleo disaster in Snatch Game?” I have good news: she didn’t suck. She also didn’t win. That would be Lemon. I found Jimbo and BOA funnier, not to mention ruder, but I am here for Lemon’s leopard print ensemble.
Anyhoo, the not especially Canadian maxi-challenge involved the queens splitting into teams and making law firm infomercials.
Lemon and Priyanka paired up as a variation on personal injury lawyers; in their case, “pussy protectors.”
Scarlett BoBo and Ilona, who are nicknamed the “sissies,” were sort of like divorce lawyers, but for sissies who wanted to split up. Hey, no one said these commercials had to make sense.
Rita, Jimbo and BOA were the B.E.L.L.E.S (Bitches for Enthusiastic Lady Lawyers Entertainment Services), helping litigate against rude bachelorettes who invade drag shows. They were inspired by real-life experience. Rita said she once got a finger up the anus from a bride-to-be. First off, who does that? Second, ewwww.
As the girls were putting on their drag and sharing drag bar spectator horror stories, BOA revealed that she was once beaten unconscious, sexually assaulted and robbed by someone she brought home. “There’s violence in the queer community and it needs to stop,” she said. The other queens gave BOA shoulder squeezes and sympathy. Priyanka commended her for speaking out and educating other drag queens.
And then it was time for the runway, “Canadian Tux-She-Do,” i.e. lots and lots of denim, and the competition was back on.
Jimbo once again outdid herself with a patchwork jumpsuit that covered her from the top of her head to her soles, which the judges loved. (“Creature from the patch lagoon,” quipped Brooke Lynn Hytes.) But it was Rita who took the win with a punk-inspired skirt and jacket ensemble whose pieces unzipped down to a bra and girdle.
Rita’s edge seemed to come from how much the judges loved her bilingual performance in the commercial, but — while I really liked Rita’s look — Jimbo got robbed on her outfit alone, plus she was also a standout in her commercial.
Compliments must also be paid to Scarlett BoBo. Loved the jacket; loved the little touches like the denim choker and denim heels; loved the neon yellow nails.
Now for the not so good looks. Ilona’s jumpsuit was boring, despite the cutout ass. Lemon’s outfit was too much and not enough at the same time: too many elements, not enough finishing. Brooke rightly called it a mess.
As for BOA, I didn’t mind the raggedy wings as much as the judges did. Brooke said they looked “half-assed and cheap.” Guest host Tom Green said BOA’s outfit looked exactly like the one he wore as “the wind” as a kid in a church play and proved it by calling his mom and having her send a photo.
(As an aside, I love how the queens gasp and cheer whenever a Canadian celeb they’ve probably never heard of is announced as guest host. Tom Green was a good sport, but could he have bedazzled his jeans or something?)
And Priyanka? I didn’t love the look, but the jacket seemed just as well tailored as BoBo’s and the thigh-high denim boots were kind of fun.
She, Scarlett and Jimbo were all declared safe, while Lemon escaped the bottom thanks to her commercial, which was my favourite out of the three.
That left Ilona and BOA to lip-sync to Alessia Cara’s “Scars to Your Beautiful,” and you know the rest.
“This has been an amazing experience,” BOA told the judges. “You guys have been so good to me. I’ve learned so much about myself, and I’ve made so many amazing sisters and friends, and I can’t even explain how grateful I am for this opportunity.”
And then she left them the way she came in: laughing. “I didn’t come here to make friends, I came here to make lasagne,” she said.
Next week, the top six are part of a pageant, the first in “Drag Race” her-story, Brooke says, and the runway looks particularly glam — except for one queen, who really disappoints the judges. Until then …
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