Cheer up Connor, somewhere out there is a woman who appreciates a man in a romper with a guitar. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Should we be surprised that on a dating show that’s more about lust than love so-called “relationships” were blowing up like firecrackers on the 4th of July/Canada Day/insert national holiday here on Monday’s “Bachelor in Paradise”?

That was a rhetorical question.

OK, it’s perhaps slightly surprising that so many imploded in such a relatively short period of time. But, on the other hand, these people have been hanging out for what? A week? That’s not enough time to start picking out the china pattern let alone declare dating exclusivity.

The cast members were still gossiping about Maurissa’s and Riley’s night in the boom boom room when Chris Conran and Chasen Nick, a.k.a. the Smoke Bros, a.k.a. Tweedledum and Tweedledee, arrived on the hunt for “smoke shows.”

With apologies for the crap quality, ABC didn’t make any photos
of Chasen, left, and Chris available so you’re stuck with this screen grab off my TV.

Despite the fact Chris was barely a blip on Clare Crawley’s “Bachelorette” season, he and Chasen became fast friends, and Chasen’s not the only one that Chris made an impression on. He was on Jessenia Cruz’s list of men she wanted to meet in Paradise, which had lots of people perplexed until a couple of enterprising Twitter users posted a photo of Jessenia and Chris together, looking very friendly, which was apparently taken in May.

That probably also explains why Chris was laser-focused on Jessenia when he and Chasen landed arm-in-arm on the beach with a double date card. Despite Ivan Hall’s insistence that Jessenia only had eyes for him, she agreed to a date with Chris while Chasen settled on Deandra, who’d been paired with Karl.

And it wasn’t just any date the foursome went on; it was one of those cringey sex play dates. In this case, an “intimacy guru” had the women lie down while Chris and Chasen straddled them and blew on their bodies. And then they recreated positions from the “Kama Sutra,” I shit you not.

Apparently Deandra and Jessenia found all this less awkward than everyone watching at home. Before too long, Jessenia and Chris were kissing while sharing strawberries, despite Jessenia continuing to claim that she had a “great” connection with Ivan.

Back at the beach, Jessenia explained to Ivan that their connection was based on him filling boxes, but she had a “spark” with Chris that was lacking with Ivan. Cue Ivan’s sad, lonely walk on the beach and the end of his romance with Jessenia . . . for now.

Karl, meanwhile, tried to woo Deandra back by giving her a Pandora bracelet that he’d bought in Miami, but whatever impression he made with the gift was overshadowed by Chasen acting like a dick. Look, Karl has never been my favourite person, but surely Chasen could have let him have 10 minutes to talk to Deandra without continually interrupting and whining about how he wanted to finish his date.

Men weren’t the only ones behaving like boors.

Demi Burnett finally got to justify her time on the show by doing what she swore to do her first day on the beach: stealing a man.

Mari and Kenny in the proverbial “happier times.”

It all started when Chasen showed some interest in Mari and she decided to tell Kenny, with whom she’d been hanging out since Day 1, that she wanted to date other people — or more precisely that she wanted to “nurture and grow” her relationship with Kenny, but only until someone else asked her on a date.

Can you blame Kenny for thinking that Mari no longer wanted to be exclusive?

When Mari confided in Demi that she might have just fucked things up with Kenny, Demi took advantage of the rift. It wasn’t long before Demi and Kenny were literally sucking face and also, in Kenny’s case, biting lips.

Was it kind of a bitch move on Demi’s part? Sure. But why on earth would Mari tell Kenny she wanted to date someone else when such a date was, at best, days away and, at worst, a purely hypothetical prospect?

Later, Demi plied Kenny with a chocolate cake in honour of his 40th birthday, which he’d celebrated in quarantine, and a piñata full of condoms, interrupting a group discussion about sex and preventing us from learning just how Tre ended up getting laid in a cemetery.

Mari threw the cake in the fire, berated Demi for betraying her and then tried to talk things out with Kenny, but he said they should go their separate ways and his way took him to the boom boom room with Demi.

Like the infomercials say: But wait, there’s more!

Mere moments after Aaron boasted to pals Tre and James about his strong connection with Tammy, Tammy strolled over to a beach bed with Aaron’s “mortal enemy” Thomas and, in full view of Aaron and his friends, straddled and smooched Thomas.

And I haven’t even talked about sad Connor.

Maurissa and Connor before the force that is Riley swept her away.

Connor started his day dressed in his best short set and/or romper and with the hope that he could win Maurissa back by taking her on a DIY date that night. But Maurissa, rather than fess up that she was now with Riley, gave Connor a non-committal “we’ll see.” It was Tahzjuan who told Connor that Riley and Maurissa had spent the night in the boom boom room.

All the drama was apparently too much for Tahz, who screamed into the void and later complained she couldn’t pee or poop.

“It’s total chaos here on the beach tonight,” was how Serena Pitt put it.

Serena managed to avoid the chaos herself, for now anyway.

Sorry, Joe, but you never will be able to live those tights down, especially with those socks.

She and Joe went on a date, which involved having dinner in the middle of a wrestling ring and then putting on capes and pretending to fight until they laid down on the mat and started kissing. Joe said he was “100 per cent in” on Serena and if ex Kendall came to Paradise it wouldn’t matter because “there’s nothing romantic there anymore.” That’s going to be put to the test soon.

Noah and Abigail are still a thing, but we saw also saw a promo of Abigail crying.

And Brendan finally kissed Natasha, but only after Natasha gave him a back massage and, as kisses went, it was pretty tepid. Definitely no lip biting going on there.

The episode ended with the cast preparing for the rose ceremony and Aaron confronting Thomas about being disrespectful by making out with Tammy in front of him, but it was just a conversation, nothing physical. The last we saw was Tammy walking over, possibly to referee, and the ever popular “To be continued.”

There’s another episode tomorrow night. Besides more Aaron, Tammy and Thomas drama and the arrival of Kendall, the promo showed ex-Bachelorette Becca Kufrin and her friend Tia Booth hitting the beach and Tia hitting on Kenny.

It will air at 8 p.m. on ABC. If you want to watch via Citytv, you’ll have to catch it on demand or at Citytv.com.

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