The cast of “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” raises a toast. ALL PHOTOS CITYTV
How do you create interest in a “reality” TV dating show when you’re six episodes in and your core cast is stable, aside from playing some silly kissing games?
You make it look like your most solid couple is in danger of breaking up.
That was the main “plot” in Monday’s episode of “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.”
You’ll recall that last week Vancouver filmmaker Josh Guvi walked back onto the beach. My impression from seeing him in the first season of “Paradise” is that he’s a stand-up dude, which made it suspicious that he would choose Brooklyn model Chelsea to take on his date despite being told by Lisa that she was off limits because of her relationship with Austin.
A more natural choice would have been Maria since she and Josh had been in communication since meeting the previous season and still seemed to be interested in each other.
Josh Guvi and Maria Garcia-Sanchez get reacquainted in Paradise.
Now, can I prove that Chelsea approached Josh for a chat and that Josh then asked her out — right in front of Austin — at the behest of producers? Of course not, but you can draw your own conclusions.
Chelsea said she and Josh had “a lot in common” and that he was everything she was looking for on paper without enumerating what those things were.
Maybe they got into an in-depth conversation about that stuff while they were massaging each other’s asses during their “butt facials” (I googled it, these are actually a thing), but probably not.
The main purpose of the activity was obviously to annoy Austin when Josh and Chelsea returned from the date and told everyone at the bar about their mutual butt fondling.
Mind you, Austin didn’t spend all his time fretting while they were gone. You’ll recall that he had described Tessa as his “type” when she joined the cast last week so, on the theory that he had to test his connection with Chelsea, Austin approached Tessa for a talk and a smooch.
It was less shakeup than fake-out, however, since it didn’t sway Austin’s focus from Chelsea or Tessa’s from Joey.
Joey Kirchner and Tessa Tookes were still into each other on “Bachelor in Paradise.”
As Tessa put it, “I feel actually not super weirded out by the fact that he just kissed Maria and I just kissed Austin. I know in my heart Joey’s connection with me is much stronger and more meaningful and something he wants to pursue.”
Sure, which makes the fact that Joey went to Maria to hash out once and for all whether they were more than friends seem like just another production trick.
But back to Austin and Chelsea.
They didn’t kiss and make up, so to speak, right away. Austin was pissed after hearing that Chelsea smooched Josh. As he put it, “Like what the fuck? I’m coming in with 12 days of me being vulnerable and being the best version of myself that I could be towards you and he just needs a butt facial to do that shit?”
This seems like an accurate summary to me, but Chelsea took issue with Austin’s language and said he was giving “controlling vibes.” She also claimed she wanted more time to talk to Josh and might kiss him again.
Austin seemed genuinely hurt, so perhaps he was not in the loop on the scheme, or just taken aback the fake connection went a little farther than expected.
It was Chelsea’s turn to get annoyed when Austin said he had made out with Tessa multiple times (I think he was exaggerating there), so Chelsea twisted the knife, saying about Josh, “His tongue was in my mouth, if you want clarification.”
Listen, I didn’t need to know that, never mind Austin.
Austin Tinsley and Chelsea Vaughn, still Canadian Paradise’s No. 1 couple.
Both Austin and Chelsea dutifully said in their in-the-moment interviews that they were questioning whether their relationship was salvageable. Chelsea was still (claiming to be?) pissed at Austin the next day for being insecure and petty, and Austin apologized for making her feel rough and not giving her space.
And then — what do you know? — after Josh belatedly realized that he’d been massaging Chelsea’s bum the day after it had been in the boom boom room with Austin, he told her he didn’t want to mess things up between the two of them. Also, he had kissed Maria and found “the passion” he was looking for.
And conveniently, Chelsea suddenly realized that she didn’t want to lose Austin. It only took an hour of screen time for her to get to that place, about an hour longer than everyone watching.
At the cocktail party, Austin and Chelsea were back to kissing and snuggling and laughing. Austin even let the L-word slip in a roundabout way when he said, “I know Joey (is) falling in love too.”
So faux crisis averted: Austin and Chelsea are still Paradise’s No. 1 couple.
Josh’s part in the disruption narrative wasn’t done though.
Even though his rose was clearly bound for Maria, he claimed to be torn after Nithisha laid some very deep kisses on him. As Paige said, they were “sucking face.”
Nithisha gave it her best shot, but the fix was in for Maria.
You know who didn’t kiss for once? Cole and Lisa. They decided they were going to give their bonds with Sam and Connor a chance, and step away from each other.
Now, if you’ve been watching these last six weeks, you’ll have noticed that Sam seems to be more into Cole than he into her, and ditto with Connor and Lisa, or at least it’s been edited that way.
But Cole and Sam decided to take their connection to the next level by visiting the boom boom room. And according to Joey, whose room was nearby, there was “some boom boom for sure.”
Lisa Mancini, centre right, with Paige Allen, has given up on Cole Medders for now.
That didn’t sit well with Lisa, who wouldn’t even speak to Cole the next night when they were both sitting at the bar, and said his actions had pushed her closer to Connor.
There was one genuine surprise among all the predictable couplings: Matia and Celine. The former had disengaged from Maria after not feeling a spark; the latter had been dumped by Joey, and she and Matia had been hanging out as friends ever since.
But they started kissing and then laughing about it, and I have to say it was pretty sweet. It was also fun hearing the gasps at the rose ceremony when Matia gave Celine a kiss after handing over his rose. Who’d have thunk they’d become one of the more adorable couples in Paradise?
As for the rest of the roses, they went as expected: Joey’s to Tessa; Garrett’s to Meagan; Edward’s to Ana; Cole’s to Sam; Austin’s to Chelsea; Connor’s to Lisa and, yes, Josh’s to Maria.
That left Nithisha and Paige as the odd women out. Nithisha exited expressing confidence she would find her person. “Party Paige,” who earlier thanked her cast mates for making Paradise “one of the best fucking times of my life,” left drinking champagne.
Next week, various cast members find themselves in “pickles,” including Ana and Lisa, who says she doesn’t know how she feels about Connor. Tessa and Maria are beefing over Joey. New arrival Juan Pablo hits the beach (no, not that Juan Pablo). And Cole tells Sam he’s not falling in love.
You can watch next Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo
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