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On The Bachelorette, Clare only has eyes — and lips — for Dale

October 28, 2020 /
Yosef Aborady with Clare Crawley on Night 1 of “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

I guess in hindsight we should thank Yosef Aborady for being such a jerk. His tirade against Clare Crawley on “The Bachelorette” was about the only part of the episode that wasn’t about Clare’s obssession with Dale Moss.

Look, I hope Clare and Dale live happily ever after, I really do (and if you’ve been reading my recaps for a while, you know I avoid spoilers on purpose, so I have no idea if they’re still together or not), but I get why the guys not named Dale were so annoyed on Tuesday: we surpassed peak Dale and ran head on into Dale fatigue.

In weeks 1 and 2, Clare at least pretended to be interested in the other men; this week not so much.

She basically scuttled the first group date so she could gab to her friend, former Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas, about Dale. Then, the extended cocktail party she promised the disappointed men turned into an extended makeout session with Dale in Clare’s suite. On the one-on-one date, Clare was so disinterested she couldn’t be bothered to show up for dinner and got host Chris Harrison to send the guy home. And on the second group date, she grilled the men about their resentment of Dale then declined to give anyone a rose.

It looks like next week’s episode, airing Thursday instead of Tuesday because of the U.S. election, is when Clare will blow up “The Bachelorette” and that’s a good thing. Dale seems like a decent fellow (although I’m not convinced he’s as into Clare as she is him), but it’s time to change the channel to something besides “The Dale and Clare Show.”

Which reminds me, Yosef: the single dad decided to give Clare a piece of his mind over last week‘s strip dodgeball date. Not only was it “classless” and “distasteful,” it was an “atrocity,” he declared, which seems like a strong word for a bunch of guys showing their “man goodies,” but OK.

“I expected a lot more from the oldest Bachelorette that’s ever been. I can’t believe that occurred,” scolded Yosef. “You’re not setting the right example for my daughter. ” (Huh? You’re gonna let your 4-year-old daughter watch “The Bachelorette”?)

“I’m ashamed to be associated with you. I can’t believe I sacrificed so much to be here just to watch this distasteful and classless display,” blah, blah, blah.

And then Yosef, who should perhaps reflect on the definition of the word “classless,” told Clare she “sounded a little crazy” on the first group date when she chided the men for seeming more interested in hanging out with each other than with her. Oh boy.

Clare tried to interject and Yosef tried to talk over her: “Do not interrupt me … I’m not done yet.”

Oh, but he was.

“Do not ever talk to me like that,” said a furious Clare. “I never thought I would have to tell any man (other than Juan Pablo Galavis) I would never want them being the father of my child and I stand by that. I would never want my children having a father like you. Get out of here.”

Yosef went but not quietly. “I expected more from the oldest Bachelorette in history. Remember you’re almost 40,” he sniped as he walked away.

Perhaps Yosef should remember that he’s the father of a little girl and he just set the example of being completely disrespectful to a woman. I get it, the strip dodgeball was kind of skeevy, but the way he expressed his opinion about it was condescending and misogynistic, so good riddance to Yosef.

The encounter left Clare in tears and it was Dale to the rescue. He hugged and comforted her, told her he was sorry, that she didn’t deserve Yosef’s abuse, that Yosef was lying when he said the other men were trying to appease her. “I’m here to please you, how about that?”

Mission accomplished. “It’s not even the second rose ceremony yet and I’m so falling in love with Dale,” Clare said.

Anyway, Clare told Harrison she was too rattled to salvage the rest of the cocktail party and went straight to the rose ceremony, handing out another 14 (on top of the four we saw her give out last week).

For the remaining men, the botched evening was a sign of things to come.

I have no idea why DeAnna Pappas showed up in Clare’s suite the next day. Weren’t they all in a bubble? Did DeAnna really get multiple COVID-19 tests and quarantine for days just so she could listen to Clare gush about Dale and smell a pair of Dale’s pants? Yes, seriously, Clare and DeAnna both smelled a pair of Dale’s trousers that Clare kept after he ripped them on a group date.

The upshot was that Dale, Chasen, Jason, Jay, Eazy, Ed, Blake and Riley were kept waiting for hours for their date to begin, then Clare breezed in and told them they’d have a “really long cocktail party” that night instead. They didn’t realize the “really long” part referred to the time that Clare and Dale spent making out on her bed after he told the other men he wanted just five minutes with her. Who knows how long they would have stayed in there and what they would have got up to if Eazy hadn’t knocked on Clare’s door.

And then, with Clare being told by the producers she had to hurry her time with the rest of the men, Dale went back for seconds, interrupting Jay. Dale and Clare were up against a wall smooching and getting a little handsy when Chasen walked in.

The other guys were understandably pissed, especially after Dale got the date rose and tried to justify it by saying he was the “best man suited,” whatever that means.

Clare, admitting in her confessional she’d had to restrain herself from having sex with Dale the night before, went off for a one-on-one with Zach J. and, man, was it awkward. The couples pedicure was a bust and it was all downhill from there. After a swim, Clare leaned in for a kiss, but Zach didn’t meet her halfway, so Clare pulled back and then Zach made everything worse by grabbing Clare by the neck, twice, and trying to force a kiss on her. Clare said that made her feel “extremely uncomfortable” — gee, I can’t imagine why — so uncomfortable that she didn’t show up for dinner and it was up to Harrison to tell Zach he was going home.

Clare gets her turn at the Bachelorette Roast alongside Brendan, Joe, Bennett, Zac C, Demar, Ivan, Kenny, Jordan C and Ben. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

And then came the second group date, a roast presided over by comedian Margaret Cho. The guys all claimed to be sick of Dale, who was in the audience, but they made him the main target of their jokes. Did they really think that ridiculing him would change Clare’s mind? If so, I’ll just echo what Clare said: “Are you new here?”

Instead, the roast made Clare feel defensive about Dale and so later, as she chatted with Bennett and Brendan and Ben and Demar and Jordan and Joe and Ivan and Zac and Kenny, she asked each of them to explain why they made fun of Dale. She declined to give any of them a rose, declaring, “I did not get what I needed with you guys.”

That set the stage for next week’s big bang and for Tayshia Adams to take Clare’s spot as Bachelorette. There will be anger, there will be tears, there will be drama with a capital D.

I’m not certain if Citytv is airing it Nov. 5 or not, but it will definitely be on ABC at 8 p.m.

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A queen is binned and the mood is blue on ‘Canada’s Drag Race’

July 24, 2020 /
Ilona Verley, Tynomi Banks and Jimbo, a.k.a. Maison Papier, in Episode 4 of “Canada’s Drag Race.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Bell Media

SPOILER ALERT: DON’T READ THIS IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHO WON AND LOST ON EPISODE 4 OF “CANADA’S DRAG RACE.”

How many times can a queen be recycled from near elimination on “Canada’s Drag Race”?

Twice was the limit for Tynomi Banks, who didn’t survive her third trip to the bottom in the show’s fourth episode.

There was no acting or rapping challenge to trip up the well known Toronto queen this week but, once again, the judges were unimpressed by her runway outfit.

All nine queens, split into groups of three, had to create “couture” fashion lines out of recyclable materials.

Scarlett BoBo, Kiara and Rita Baga, a.k.a. La Maison Boraga, in their plastic couture.
PHOTO CREDIT: Bell Media

Plastic may be a scourge in the environment, but it ruled the day for the trio made up of Rita Baga, Kiara and Scarlett BoBo – deservedly so, in my opinion – with Rita winning her second maxi-challenge with a dramatic plastic tarp column dress and jacket, and a stole of plastic netting. 

The metal team, Priyanka, BOA and Lemon, were the runners-up — with the judges particularly gagged by Priyanka’s sheer silver dress, although I found it a little basic compared to Lemon’s dress of unravelled rose gold scouring pads. That left Jimbo, Tynomi and Ilona Verley and their paper couture headed for the dumpster.

House of Rust, made up of BOA, Priyanka and Lemon, earned mostly positive reviews
for their metal outfits. PHOTO CREDIT: Bell Media

Would Tynomi have done better if Jimbo hadn’t kept the best outfit for herself, a gown bursting with paper flowers? I don’t know, but it didn’t help.

Tynomi and Ilona were dressed in far less flattering “knight” costumes to Jimbo’s “queen.” As judge Brooke Lynn Hytes told Ilona about her paper armour and hoop skirt: “I got much more ‘gay pride at the Renaissance fair’ than I did runway show … It looks like I should hang you in my backyard and beat you with a stick.”

Harsh but fair, Brooke. Also funny.

She also told Ilona and Tynomi they were being “way too Canadian” by allowing Jimbo to shine at their expense.

Jimbo did not escape unscathed, with judge Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman criticizing the fact she painted her face and chest white but not her arms and hands. (I wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t brought it up.)

“We are given a very limited amount of time to construct these looks, paint our faces, prepare,” responded Jimbo.

“Everyone gets the same amount of time. Use it better maybe,” retorted Jeffrey with narrowed eyes.

Oh snap.

At the beginning of the episode, Tynomi claimed not to be concerned about the warning Brooke gave her last week, to bring out the “fierce girl” within at every challenge. “I don’t fucking care about that. I was, like, calm down, bitch,” Tynomi said.

The consensus seemed to be that even if Tynomi did sink back to the bottom, no one could beat her in a lip sync — no one until Ilona, that is.

I don’t know how the Vancouver queen went from crying and protesting, “I can’t do it,” to throwing down in a lip sync of Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend” that was the best battle we’ve seen all season, but she pulled it off.

There wasn’t a dry eye onstage as Tynomi was told to sashay away. Ilona was flat out sobbing and even guest host Biddell was wiping away tears. But Tynomi held her head up: “I know I’m fire and it will never be put out,” she said.

As Brooke Lynn said earlier, “You’re Tynomi motherfucking Banks.”

Tynomi’s exit leaves just four Toronto queens in the competition, which might suit Rita Baga fine. She complained early in the episode that the Toronto girls were “savage” and self-centred.

Priyanka did not disagree, saying the Toronto queens “think we’re high and mighty,” but also that they’re “dropping like flies.”

Mind you, Rita did bond with Toronto’s Scarlett BoBo, who confided in her about the death of her drag mentor, Ottawa’s Ginette BoBo, shortly before Scarlett came to “Drag Race.”

The bitchiest clash in the episode had nothing to do with Toronto at all, but was between Ilona and Jimbo, who’s from Victoria.

Basically, Ilona was feeling sorry for herself after the judges’ critiques and didn’t appreciate Jimbo changing the subject by talking about being cold in the werkroom. There were some swears. Ilona told Jimbo to “eat shit.”

Then everyone’s attention switched to Tynomi, who was crying and despondent, and then Ilona shifted the focus back to herself and started crying too.

“Like, this is not my drag. I wanted to come here (to) represent my culture,” said the Indigenous, two-spirit queen, “and all I’m representing for right now is fucking dumpster divers.”

That made everyone laugh, ratcheting down the tension.

A supersized pit crew was the main attraction in the mini-challenge.
PHOTO CREDIT: Bell Media

I haven’t mentioned the mini-challenge, which Jimbo won, but there’s not much to say. It was ostensibly a memory test for the queens, but it was really just an extended ogle of a supersized pit crew of 10, as the queens matched the different coloured bikini briefs under their black shorts.

Next week promises something even better than half-naked men: the first ever Canadian Snatch Game. Until then …

Catch “Drag Race” Thursdays at 9 p.m. on Crave.

It’s so long to an ‘Itt girl’ on ‘Canada’s Drag Race’

July 17, 2020 /
Tynomi Banks, front, and the other queens stage a rap battle on “Canada’s Drag Race.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Bell Media

SPOILER ALERT: DON’T READ THIS IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHO WON AND LOST IN WEEK THREE OF “CANADA’S DRAG RACE.”

“Canada’s Drag Race” made fun this week of Canadians’ predilection for saying sorry, but one queen left with no apologies and no regrets.

It was Anastarzia Anaquway’s turn to sashay away and she did it with class. “The thing about life, everything happens in its time. If I’m leaving it’s definitely my time. No regrets whatsoever,” said the Toronto queen.

Starzi was done in by a runway concept that missed the mark and a lip sync that was stately but dull (and to be honest I’m still waiting to see a really epic lip sync battle this season). Just as regrettable: Tynomi Banks made bottom two for the second week in a row.

Her lip sync skills saved her once again, but if she doesn’t find her footing she won’t be long for the competition — a reminder that having a name outside “Drag Race” is no guarantee you’ll be a name on the show.

Priyanka gets down with her bad self in the “Not Sorry Aboot It” rap battle.
PHOTO CREDIT: Bell Media

Speaking of names, I predict Priyanka is a name we’re going to remember for the rest of this season and beyond, jokes about the other queens forgetting her name notwithstanding.

Her wit and charisma helped her win both the mini- and maxi-challenges and made her a star on the runway. (As an aside, I really hope her father took it well when he found out she was both gay and a drag queen via “Drag Race.”)

In the mini-challenge, the queens had to pair up as anchors for morning show “Canada Gay-M,” reading their lines in English, French and “Draglish.” Quebec queens Rita Baga and Kiara had the French in the “baga” (that’s Rita’s joke) and did better in English than most of the other queens did in French, but it was co-winners Priyanka and Lemon who had the most spirited delivery. 

Honourable mention goes to Jimbo for her Nancy Grace impression.

For the maxi-challenge, the queens separated into “girl groups” (Mooseknuckles, best name ever) and prerecorded lyrics for a “rap battle” with the help of Toronto singer Ralph. Hollywood Jade taught them choreography.

Overall, it was fun, flashy and energetic, but it was more of a skirmish than a battle. Calling Rita “old,” Ilona Verley “fake” and the Mooseknuckles’ clothes smelly like “Brie” was about as biting as it got.

Priyanka had the judges gagging over her runway look on Episode 3.
PHOTO CREDIT: Bell Media

Once again, Lemon and Priyanka were the standouts, but Priyanka snatched a repeat victory from Lemon with her runway outfit.

The theme was “Quebecky With the Good Hair” and Priyanka wore a cutout hair tutu in blue and orange, with a be-bunned wig and booties to match. “Bitch stole my look!” quipped judge Brooke Lynn Hytes, who was wearing the same colour combination.

Truthfully, I liked Ilona’s powder blue “hair of the dog” outfit the best, complete with toy poodles on her arms, a diamante leash, and pawprints on her corset and matching boots. Shout-outs also to Lemon’s tree-bark dress and lemon tree wig; and Scarlett BoBo’s hair fringe mini dress with “BOBO” spelled out in her wig.

And what can I say about BOA? Underneath her luxurious-looking fur coat was a full hairy-chested bodysuit, a green sequinned banana hammock a la “Borat” and a giant fake pubic bush. You have to give her points for originality, which the judges did. 

Anastarzia combined two completely unrelated pop culture characters in her runway look.
PHOTO CREDIT: Bell Media

The worst outfit was definitely Anastarzia’s. It was Cousin Itt of “The Addams Family” in the back — Chun Li from “Mortal Kombat” in the front? Huh? I didn’t get it and neither did the judges.

They also came down hard on Tynomi for her orange and green hair dress and rainbow hair hat and I do get that; it just wasn’t flattering. Poor Kiara was brought to tears when judge Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman told her that her gold pantsuit was “a little basic” but lived to fight another day.

And can I just digress here to say that Deborah Cox was the best guest host so far? She looked like a goddess in that gold dress and she delivered her dialogue like the pro that she is. More like her please. I also loved Stacey McKenzie’s multi-coloured leopard get-up.

Next week, the nine queens who are left have to create fashion looks out of recycled materials. Who’ll think outside the (blue) box? Until then …

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