Michelle Young’s maiden voyage as Bachelorette included a dude who served himself up on a silver platter, but Michelle had another guy’s head on a platter after deciding he wasn’t there for the Right Reasons (yes, we have to capitalize those words).
Moral of the story: maybe don’t pack your crib notes on how to maximize your time on the show in your luggage, especially not in a red binder with the word “Bachelorette” spelled “Bachlorette” on the front.
By and large, the 30 men Michelle met on Night 1 seemed like affable fellows, which is perhaps why some drama needed to be stirred up over Ryan Fox, an environmental consultant from San Jose, Calif.
What a coincidence that co-hosts Kaitlyn Bristowe and Tayshia Adams surprised three of the men in their hotel rooms and then kicked them out while they snooped through their stuff.
Oh jackpot! There was Ryan’s binder with notes on topics like how to get a good edit, how to get more screen time and — dunh, dunh, dunh, dunnnnh — “how to make it seem like you’re super interested.” Oops.
Kaitlyn and Tayshia were concerned, but not enough to warn Michelle until after she’d been charmed by Ryan, who showed up with an ice cream truck and a cheesy line about serving up “two scoops of love.” It was working for Michelle, though.
Ryan had obviously studied well, since he told Michelle about how he coaches Special Olympics and that he connected with her because she’s “so giving.”
That first thing is definitely true, but once Michelle had been tipped off by Tayshia and Kaitlyn, and gone to Ryan’s room to inspect the documents for herself, the kindergarten teacher went into full on disciplinarian mode.
Ryan claimed most of his notes had been prepared by friends to help him figure the show out since he hadn’t watched more than two hours of “The Bachelorette” — a curious claim considering he took part in the “Bachelor Live on Stage” tour when it made a San Jose stop.
Whatever the reality, Michelle kicked him to the curb. When Ryan asked for another chance she told him sternly, “You need to respect that I’m going to choose to listen to my red flags.” Second guess Miss Young at your peril.
One down, 29 to go.
There was another man in the doghouse. That would be Joe Coleman, a real estate developer and fellow Minnesotan.
Joe was looking forward to bonding with Michelle over their shared geographic location, love of basketball and biracial heritage, but Michelle — who is sharp as a tack — soon figured out he was the man who ghosted her when they exchanged DMs; when exactly, I don’t know.
Joe blamed it on the fact one of his properties was in George Floyd Square — that’s the Black man who was murdered by a white Minneapolis police officer in May 2020 — and that there were murders and shootings happening in the neighbourhood and he was feeling anxious.
Michelle countered that she was “a woman of colour living right there when George Floyd and all these different things are going on,” so would have understood if Joe had explained his anxiety.
She softened when he told her he’d had therapy to help with his poor communication skills — “Being a Black man talking about going to therapy, I want you to know that I see you” — but Joe had to wait until the very last rose to find out if he’d been reprieved.
Let’s be honest, though. It was pretty much a given that Joe would stay, if nothing else as a potential conduit for drama if the other men find out Michelle knew him before the show.
So let’s talk about the men who got good grades.
The first impression rose winner was Nayte, a Winnipeg native living in Austin, Texas, with a great smile, an adorable dog and a mom who’s a teacher. But he also seemed uncomfortable with being a child of divorce, with his mom having uncoupled from not only his dad but his stepdad, “who’s my best friend.”
Michelle rewarded Nayte for pushing himself to be vulnerable — we’re going to hear that word a lot for the next couple of months — and sealed it with a long kiss that gave her sparks and butterflies, the first we saw her bestow.
For his part, Nayte said earlier that rather than butterflies he had “pigeons in my stomach.”
Sounds like Nayte is going to be accused of being a player and an actor later on, but I’m just going to put my fingers in my ears and go la, la, la, la, la.
Michelle also connected with Rick, who had the weirdest entrance hands down, disguising himself as a plate of food. Seriously, when a table was wheeled over to Michelle with a serving platter on it, she lifted the lid and screamed because there was Rick’s head on a bed of lettuce.
When Rick, a medical sales rep from Los Angeles, finally ditched the garnish he came off as a little, um, intense. He seemed very focused on finding the love of his life and the mother of his children. Fine, but it’s the first night and you spent most of it disguised as an entree.
Among the 23 men whom Michelle kept around were two firefighters: Daniel from Austin turned up in his bunker gear but on a toy firetruck; PJ from Houston drove up in the real deal, sirens blaring, and a slick suit and tie.
Michelle also kept two Chris’s: Chris Sutton, a self-described “southern gentleman” and commodities broker living in West Hollywood, who showed up looking like AC/DC’s Angus Young in a schoolboy suit; and Chris Gallant, a motivational speaker from Halifax.
Among the many teacher references Michelle (and we) had to endure, Clayton, a Missouri medical sales rep, invited Michelle to spank him with a ruler and scored a rose, and Rodney, a California sales rep, dressed up as an apple. Michelle passed him even though he failed her apple test, describing himself as a Granny Smith, a green apple, despite wearing a red costume.
What did the other successful suitors do? Pizzapreneur Peter fed Michelle cannoli and red wine; Romeo spoke French to her; Will spoke some other language; Pardeep told her his dopamine was on fire; Brandon J brought a bed with him and kissed her hand; Spencer showed up with two basketballs; Martin did a back flip; Leroy took a Polaroid of her; Jamie told her she smiles with her spirit. Don’t ask me what Alec and Casey and Mollique and Olu did, but LT wore his suit without any pants and still got a rose.
Hey, somebody’s got to populate the group dates.
So as Michelle said, “Cheers to really beginning the journey.”
You can tune in next Tuesday at 8 p.m. on Citytv, but please note I’ll be on the road next week celebrating a significant birthday and will not post a recap next Wednesday. You can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo
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