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Tag: Thomas

It’s ‘total chaos here on the beach’ in Bachelor in Paradise

August 31, 2021 /
Cheer up Connor, somewhere out there is a woman who appreciates a man in a romper with a guitar. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Should we be surprised that on a dating show that’s more about lust than love so-called “relationships” were blowing up like firecrackers on the 4th of July/Canada Day/insert national holiday here on Monday’s “Bachelor in Paradise”?

That was a rhetorical question.

OK, it’s perhaps slightly surprising that so many imploded in such a relatively short period of time. But, on the other hand, these people have been hanging out for what? A week? That’s not enough time to start picking out the china pattern let alone declare dating exclusivity.

The cast members were still gossiping about Maurissa’s and Riley’s night in the boom boom room when Chris Conran and Chasen Nick, a.k.a. the Smoke Bros, a.k.a. Tweedledum and Tweedledee, arrived on the hunt for “smoke shows.”

With apologies for the crap quality, ABC didn’t make any photos
of Chasen, left, and Chris available so you’re stuck with this screen grab off my TV.

Despite the fact Chris was barely a blip on Clare Crawley’s “Bachelorette” season, he and Chasen became fast friends, and Chasen’s not the only one that Chris made an impression on. He was on Jessenia Cruz’s list of men she wanted to meet in Paradise, which had lots of people perplexed until a couple of enterprising Twitter users posted a photo of Jessenia and Chris together, looking very friendly, which was apparently taken in May.

That probably also explains why Chris was laser-focused on Jessenia when he and Chasen landed arm-in-arm on the beach with a double date card. Despite Ivan Hall’s insistence that Jessenia only had eyes for him, she agreed to a date with Chris while Chasen settled on Deandra, who’d been paired with Karl.

And it wasn’t just any date the foursome went on; it was one of those cringey sex play dates. In this case, an “intimacy guru” had the women lie down while Chris and Chasen straddled them and blew on their bodies. And then they recreated positions from the “Kama Sutra,” I shit you not.

Apparently Deandra and Jessenia found all this less awkward than everyone watching at home. Before too long, Jessenia and Chris were kissing while sharing strawberries, despite Jessenia continuing to claim that she had a “great” connection with Ivan.

Back at the beach, Jessenia explained to Ivan that their connection was based on him filling boxes, but she had a “spark” with Chris that was lacking with Ivan. Cue Ivan’s sad, lonely walk on the beach and the end of his romance with Jessenia . . . for now.

Karl, meanwhile, tried to woo Deandra back by giving her a Pandora bracelet that he’d bought in Miami, but whatever impression he made with the gift was overshadowed by Chasen acting like a dick. Look, Karl has never been my favourite person, but surely Chasen could have let him have 10 minutes to talk to Deandra without continually interrupting and whining about how he wanted to finish his date.

Men weren’t the only ones behaving like boors.

Demi Burnett finally got to justify her time on the show by doing what she swore to do her first day on the beach: stealing a man.

Mari and Kenny in the proverbial “happier times.”

It all started when Chasen showed some interest in Mari and she decided to tell Kenny, with whom she’d been hanging out since Day 1, that she wanted to date other people — or more precisely that she wanted to “nurture and grow” her relationship with Kenny, but only until someone else asked her on a date.

Can you blame Kenny for thinking that Mari no longer wanted to be exclusive?

When Mari confided in Demi that she might have just fucked things up with Kenny, Demi took advantage of the rift. It wasn’t long before Demi and Kenny were literally sucking face and also, in Kenny’s case, biting lips.

Was it kind of a bitch move on Demi’s part? Sure. But why on earth would Mari tell Kenny she wanted to date someone else when such a date was, at best, days away and, at worst, a purely hypothetical prospect?

Later, Demi plied Kenny with a chocolate cake in honour of his 40th birthday, which he’d celebrated in quarantine, and a piñata full of condoms, interrupting a group discussion about sex and preventing us from learning just how Tre ended up getting laid in a cemetery.

Mari threw the cake in the fire, berated Demi for betraying her and then tried to talk things out with Kenny, but he said they should go their separate ways and his way took him to the boom boom room with Demi.

Like the infomercials say: But wait, there’s more!

Mere moments after Aaron boasted to pals Tre and James about his strong connection with Tammy, Tammy strolled over to a beach bed with Aaron’s “mortal enemy” Thomas and, in full view of Aaron and his friends, straddled and smooched Thomas.

And I haven’t even talked about sad Connor.

Maurissa and Connor before the force that is Riley swept her away.

Connor started his day dressed in his best short set and/or romper and with the hope that he could win Maurissa back by taking her on a DIY date that night. But Maurissa, rather than fess up that she was now with Riley, gave Connor a non-committal “we’ll see.” It was Tahzjuan who told Connor that Riley and Maurissa had spent the night in the boom boom room.

All the drama was apparently too much for Tahz, who screamed into the void and later complained she couldn’t pee or poop.

“It’s total chaos here on the beach tonight,” was how Serena Pitt put it.

Serena managed to avoid the chaos herself, for now anyway.

Sorry, Joe, but you never will be able to live those tights down, especially with those socks.

She and Joe went on a date, which involved having dinner in the middle of a wrestling ring and then putting on capes and pretending to fight until they laid down on the mat and started kissing. Joe said he was “100 per cent in” on Serena and if ex Kendall came to Paradise it wouldn’t matter because “there’s nothing romantic there anymore.” That’s going to be put to the test soon.

Noah and Abigail are still a thing, but we saw also saw a promo of Abigail crying.

And Brendan finally kissed Natasha, but only after Natasha gave him a back massage and, as kisses went, it was pretty tepid. Definitely no lip biting going on there.

The episode ended with the cast preparing for the rose ceremony and Aaron confronting Thomas about being disrespectful by making out with Tammy in front of him, but it was just a conversation, nothing physical. The last we saw was Tammy walking over, possibly to referee, and the ever popular “To be continued.”

There’s another episode tomorrow night. Besides more Aaron, Tammy and Thomas drama and the arrival of Kendall, the promo showed ex-Bachelorette Becca Kufrin and her friend Tia Booth hitting the beach and Tia hitting on Kenny.

It will air at 8 p.m. on ABC. If you want to watch via Citytv, you’ll have to catch it on demand or at Citytv.com.

 You can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

It’s Riley’s world, Bachelor in Paradise just lives in it

August 25, 2021 /
Maurissa Gunn , new guest host Lance Bass and new arrival Riley Christian on “Bachelor in Paradise.” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC

Kaboom boom!

That’s the sound of Connor the Cat’s “relationship” with Maurissa Gunn blowing up on “Bachelor in Paradise.” Meow.

The women were purring from the moment Riley hit the beach in Tuesday night’s episode with his very muscled arms, especially Tahzjuan, who temporarily lost the power of speech. “The man’s arms have their own zip code,” she gushed.

But it was Maurissa whom Riley took on a weird date (more on that later) presided over by new guest host Lance Bass that ended with the pair in the boom boom room. It looks like Connor’s ukulele was no match for Riley’s, um, instrument.

Riley’s wasn’t the only appearance to shake up the beach.

He was preceded by Thomas Jacobs, yes, that Thomas, the one who was run out of Dodge, er, “The Bachelorette,” for committing the sin of admitting he wouldn’t mind being the next Bachelor.

Oh so conveniently, the other guys from his Bachelorette season were talking about Thomas, about his “crazy snake,” “blatantly disrespectful” behaviour, just before he showed up with a date card in hand.

The women didn’t care. It was like blah, blah, blah, Thomas is the devil . . . ooohhh look at his muscles!

Fun fact: Thomas is 6-foot-6. We know this because he told every woman he spoke to and made a big show of how he was afraid he’d smash his face on the palapa they were chatting under because, you know, he’s soooooo tall.

Anyway, when the chats were done he picked Serena Pitt for yet another water sports and making out date. She at least told No-Longer-Owns-a-Grocery-Store Joe she was going, which he said he appreciated, adding, “I hope you have a bad time.”

Despite her fondness for Joe, Serena Pitt went on a date with Thomas Jacobs.

Bad time? Given how much tonsil hockey Serena played with Thomas it couldn’t have been horrible. But at the end of a very long day, during which Joe did little but mope, nap and threaten to go home, Serena returned to Joe. “I told him he should pursue other people,” she said of Thomas. And also, after some prodding, Joe was the better kisser. They snuggled happily on a beach bed.

Alas, things didn’t end so happily for Connor. He kept insisting he was cool with Maurissa going on a date with Riley. Even when she walked onto the beach in an outfit that channelled J.Lo’s 2000 Oscars dress — you know, the one that was cut down to her navel? — and completely bypassed Connor, he told her to have fun.

I don’t know if fun would be the word I would use for the early part of the date. Riley and Maurissa were greeted by Lance Bass, who uncovered plates full of what Maurissa described as “the most disgusting things I have ever seen in my life.” There were pig snouts, there were chicken feet, there were giant tongues, there was tripe.

The deal was Riley and Maurissa had to answer questions posed by Lance or eat whatever he told them to. (As an aside, between this game and Joe’s buff-like headband I was getting “Survivor” vibes on Tuesday night.)

They wouldn’t fess up to how many people they’d slept with but were fine with saying where on their bodies they’d like to be touched or, in Maurissa’s case, that she masturbates every day.

Maurissa and Riley prepare to sample some tongues. Whose or what’s tongues I couldn’t say.

And speaking of being touched, Lance really should have snuck out when Maurissa and Riley started smooching so hard that I wouldn’t have been surprised if they just swept all the offal off the table and had at it. But they did manage to keep their hands mostly to themselves until after dinner, during which they talked about how they wanted to be married with children and how Maurissa had once weighed well over 200 pounds.

After they left the restaurant and continued to kiss passionately outside, Riley whispered, “I know a place we can go” — which made me wonder: is the boom boom room part of the orientation tour? Or did the producers slip a map under one of Riley’s biceps?

Anyway, images of Riley and Maurissa under the covers were cut with images of sad Connor sitting and singing to himself.

As for the other relationships, once Tahz got over her disappointment at not being chosen by her crush Riley, she reconciled with Tre because they like talking to each other, “Mr. Crab” said yes and “he (Tre, not the crab) is 100 per cent a better kisser than his uncle.” Words to live by.

Alas, Natasha didn’t fare so well with Brendan, who claims to like her but hasn’t made out with her yet, which means he is totally waiting for Pieper to hit the beach, or maybe somebody else. I don’t know, we’re not seeing anything to convince us that Brendan isn’t a player.

Also, the men of Katie’s Bachelorette season took Thomas for a “confrontation” that turned out to be nothing more than a group chat, during which Thomas apologized for “every single wrong that I’ve done,” which included lying and time-stealing and acting like his time was more important than theirs.

Obviously we know that’s not the end of it. We have eyes, we’ve seen the promos of him going toe to toe with Aaron.

Tre even shook Thomas’s hand at the end of the talk but later, after he was tipped off that Thomas had described him as “emotionally not strong” to Serena, Tre called Thomas on his “snake bullshit.”

“This is gonna be the last conversation I intentionally have with you.”

Fair enough.

Next week it seems Demi is finally going to fulfill her contractual obligation to stir up shit by putting the moves on Kenny.

You can tune in Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

There’s a new villain and a new frontrunner on The Bachelorette

June 22, 2021 /
Katie Thurston with the survivors of the delayed rose ceremony on “The Bachelorette.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC

It was story time on Monday’s episode of “The Bachelorette.”

One man told stories — fibs really — and got sent home. Other men told unflattering stories about themselves on a group date and gained Katie’s trust. One contestant shared a particularly sad story that brought him and Katie together. And another guy, well, it doesn’t matter what stories he tells. None of the other men believe a word that comes out of his mouth.

As the episode began, we picked up where we left off last week with Karl making up crap about other men not being there for the right reasons, the rest of the guys freaking out at him (Tre: “Is this ‘The Twilight Zone’ we’re in?”) and Katie adding to the commotion by saying she was too rattled to talk to anyone anymore and was going straight to the rose ceremony — which, of course she was because hello, producer manipulation much?

Would Katie call Karl Smith on his nonsense and send him home?

The only question was whether Karl would get to stick around to stir up more shit, which seemed possible given how these things usually roll.

And then Mike, bless his virgin heart, spoke up mid-rose ceremony and told Katie that all the other men thought Karl was lying, which sent Katie to seek the counsel of co-hosts Tayshia Adams and Kaitlyn Bristowe, whose very helpful advice amounted to “never mind the men, do whatever you want.”

It would have been disappointing albeit predictable if Katie, after making her name confronting bullies on Matt James’ season of “The Bachelor,” let Karl stay just to up the drama quotient. Luckily, she dumped him and the motivational speaker skulked out without saying a word to her or even giving an exit interview; at least that’s how it was edited.

Also getting the heave-ho were Kyle (admit it, you’re not even sure who that is) and fan favourite John.

One villain down and then it was group date time. And speaking of villains, there was Nick Viall, former “Bachelorette” villain and “Bachelor in Paradise” hero turned mediocre “Bachelor,” drafted as some sort of group therapy coach as Aaron, Quartney, James, Connor B, David, Justin, Thomas, Hunter and Brendan were made to sit in a circle and fess up to crappy things they’d done in their pasts.

Nick Viall popped up on “The Bachelorette” to help hold the men “accountable.”

Nick didn’t have to lead by example so there was no mention of, say, fornicating and telling by talking about the sex you had with the Bachelorette in the fantasy suite on national TV.

The confessions ranged from anticlimactic (David saying he put his career ahead of love) to kind of heartwrenching.

Hunter tearfully described how his marriage imploded because he was so busy working to make money to give his two kids “everything” that he and his wife drifted apart. And Connor, a.k.a. the Cat, recounted how he became an angry drunk while working as a musician in a piano bar and cheated on his girlfriend one night while he was loaded and high.

Katie even made a confession of her own, about a non-consensual sexual encounter, i.e. an assault, one New Year’s Eve that led to her having an unhealthy relationship with sex for a number of years.

But the revelation that made everyone’s Spidey senses tingle (except maybe Katie’s) was Thomas talking about how he initially came on “The Bachelorette” to build “a great platform” and even went on a date the week before he left for filming given his low expectations of actually finding romance. But now, he insisted to Katie, “the feelings I have for you are real.”

Some of the bloom came off Night 1 standout Thomas on Monday’s episode.

To her credit, Katie later pressed Thomas for details of the “red flags” he had mentioned earlier in the day. He didn’t answer her question, just babbled about their connection and how “every single day I’m here this gets realer and realer.”

Thomas seemed to be fixated on getting the date rose, so much so that he double dipped, interrupting Aaron’s time with Katie — while Aaron was talking about his father’s stroke, no less — to take another at-bat. And it was … very confusing.

“What I feel with you . . . is fear and love are two very, very similar things rooted in the same concept,” Thomas said. “And when I look at you and the things that I feel with you, I feel both of those so strongly at the same time.” Say what now?

Katie claimed to be impressed with Thomas’s passion, but I think she just wanted to kiss him.

The date rose went to Connor instead for showing “strength” and “courage” by telling his drunken cheating story.

Speaking of stories, Michael (not to be confused with Mike) had a very raw and real one to tell Katie on the week’s one-on-one date.

Single dad Michael leaped to front-runner status after Monday’s episode.

First there was off-roading in a dune buggy (which Katie managed to flip without Michael in it) and imbibing bubbly in a field, during which it was clear the two have some real chemistry. But let’s be honest, we’re all falling in love with Michael, especially after he said things like “I always hear this ends in an engagement, but it begins with an engagement” and “My life’s better because of you right now.” Swoon.

The big reveal — for Katie, viewers had already heard the story — came at dinner when Michael told her he was a widower, having lost his beloved wife Laura to breast cancer in January 2019.

“I know what it’s like to love,” Michael said. “I know what it’s like to give everything and I have finally gotten to this place where I’m ready to, like, open up my heart. The way I look at this is what a gift to be able to fall in love twice.”

Rather than feeling intimidated, Katie seemed smitten, telling Michael his love story with Laura was beautiful and would never make her feel insecure.

“My job is to make sure you feel the relationship we create is unique,” Michael reassured her. “I have no doubt we can do that.”

I suspect all over North America viewers were melting into little puddles. Michael and Katie ended the evening stargazing on a rooftop under blankets, sharing kisses.

But lest we get too swept up shipping Katie and Michael, there was more tension between Thomas and the rest of the house the next day.

Aaron declared Thomas a psycho (Aaron does get carried away in his confessionals, saying earlier that Karl should have been “exterminated”).

Hunter asked Thomas point blank if he wanted to be the next Bachelor. Twice Thomas avoided the question before finally saying, “Yes, coming into this one of the thoughts on my mind was potentially being the next Bachelor,” although he insisted he no longer felt that way.

Not that any of the men believed him. And thus, the Thomas drama will continue next week. And apparently interloper Blake Moynes will also make his first appearance.

You can tune in Mondays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

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