When the going gets tough after “Bachelor in Paradise,” apparently the tough go to Italy.
That was one takeaway from the second part of the Season 8 finale on Tuesday. That’s where two of the women — Brittany Galvin and Victoria Fuller — hightailed it when they broke up with their “Paradise” sweeties.
Who is to blame for those breakups is sure to be a subject of much contention among Bachelor Nation.
Both Tyler Norris and Johnny DePhillipo seemed heartbroken onstage with host Jesse Palmer during the live portion of the finale. Brittany and Victoria, not so much, although Victoria did get close to tears at one point. Accusations were exchanged by the ex-lovebirds. Closure was elusive. I’ll have more to say on the he said-she said of it all later.
Thankfully we came out of this slog of a season with some nice things: Brandon Jones and Serene Russell are engaged and still deliriously in love; Michael Allio finally told Danielle Maltby he loved her, onstage no less; Jacob Rapini and Jill Chin are going to give it another try; Kira Mengistu and Romeo Alexander — remember them? — are still dating.
It’s not exactly a love-a-palooza, but we’ll take it.
I’m not gonna make like the producers and rehash the season in highlight reel after highlight reel, but here’s what went down on the final episode.
Pssst, you know they can hear you, right?
Logan Palmer, who’s gone from sort of villain on Gabby’s and Rachel’s “Bachelorette” season to wronged man on “Paradise,” got to confront erstwhile squeeze Kate, who’d spent much of the latter part of their relationship dissing Logan behind his back for not being wealthy enough for her.
Kate told Logan she hated that he had heard her “concerns,” that she had been talking “to my girlfriends in private,” and that it wasn’t really about what car he drove or which gym he could afford, but “you weren’t ready for the type of serious partnership I’m looking for.”
Logan reminded her that there were “cameras everywhere, we were wearing mics” and that he, in fact, had a career he was proud of in TV production despite spending a year as a scuba instructor and dog walker to make ends meet.
“I wish you did say it to me,” he told Kate. “It would have cleared a lot of things up. It would have really showed who you were.”
Yeah, feels like we all have a pretty good idea now of who Kate is.
Tarzan finds his Jane?
Speaking of Kate, you’ll recall that Jacob Rapini threw over Jill Chin for her — even though Kate had already discarded him for Logan — which seemed like a really bad call. Jacob acknowledged he had messed up and, striding across the stage to take Jill’s hands, told her he wanted to try again. She did too. They kissed and Jacob carried her off the stage to the cheers of the audience.
I hope those two weirdos — and I mean that in the most affectionate way — can make it work.
Two wrongs don’t make a reconciliation
One of the more annoying bits of producer manipulation this season was letting rose reject Justin Glaze come back to the beach to pursue Eliza Isichei, who seemed to be in a solid relationship with Rodney Mathews.
Eliza vacillated between the two, finally gave a rose to Rodney and then declared the next morning that she’d made a mistake, leaving Paradise to pursue Justin in Baltimore, who in turn rejected her.
On Tuesday, Eliza said that, oops, she’d made a mistake when she said she made a mistake and she still had feelings for Rodney. But Rodney was having none of it.
“I’ll never forget how I felt in those moments, so hurt and humiliated in front of everyone. That’s something that hurts me to this day,” Rodney said. “But I feel like I’m finally getting better in my healing and coming back to life.”
Once bitten, twice shy, as it were.
Remind me again why this man isn’t our new Bachelor?
He’s sorry, that’s facts
Genevieve Parisi and Aaron Clancy, who had the most volatile relationship in Paradise, shared the hot seat after not having seen each other since the day they broke up on the beach — with another argument, naturally.
They apologized to each other: her for being “emotionally reactive” to the things Aaron said; he for being “prideful,” “foolish” and “ignorant to your feelings.”
They hugged it out, but someone slap them if they ever consider getting back together.
He said, she said Part 1
Next, it was Tyler’s turn in the hot seat and he seemed to struggle at times to hold back tears. He said Brittany broke up with him by FaceTime from Italy the same day we all watched him get dumped by Rachel Recchia on “The Bachelorette.”
When Brittany joined him onstage they had very different views of their parting. Tyler said she had still been telling him every day how much she loved him. Brittany said she had asked to take a break, but Tyler kept Snapchatting and DMing her. “It was too much,” she said.
So was she driven away by an overly clingy boyfriend or was he deceived by a duplicitous girlfriend? I lean toward the former since I can’t help recalling how intense Tyler was when he talked to Rachel about “unconditional love” and trying to find somebody who “can love as hard as you can.”
Brittany tweeted Tuesday night that she and Tyler had ended things on “mutual terms” and she was blindsided onstage, which was why she seemed “cold-hearted.”
Worth the move to Akron?
Phew, Michael Allio and Danielle Maltby are still together.
The promo for Tuesday’s episode was edited in such a way that you might have thought they’d broken up, but it was just stupid producer tricks as usual.
When Michael said, “I didn’t give you the kind of closure that you needed,” he was talking to Sierra Jackson, the woman he was with before Danielle arrived. Sierra very graciously accepted Michael’s apology.
As for him and Danielle, she is moving to Akron, Ohio, to be with Michael — not moving in with him, mind you, although she has met his son, James, a bunch of times.
Asked by Jesse to share final thoughts, widower Michael told Danielle, “You know I only said ‘I love you’ to one person in my entire life, but I love you.”
So maybe we should all stop resenting Michael now for dumping Sierra and for being a producers’ pet, and just cheer on him and Danielle.
He said, she said Part 2
At this point, “Bachelor in Paradise” finally went back to Paradise, where we watched Victoria and Johnny get engaged in Mexico. Victoria said she couldn’t imagine her life without Johnny and Johnny said he would have her back no matter what.
And that lasted for what, three weeks? That’s when Victoria said she knew they weren’t going to be engaged anymore “if we are fighting this much, this soon and this toxic.” Although it was bleeped out on air, Victoria said that Johnny had called her a stupid C-word and asked her what she could provide to the relationship if she wouldn’t cook or clean.
Johnny claimed the cooking and cleaning comment was a joke. He also accused Victoria of cheating on him emotionally by talking to someone else while they were still trying to work things out.
That someone, of course, is Greg Grippo, formerly of Katie Thurston’s “Bachelorette” season and Victoria’s new boyfriend.
Greg joined Victoria in the hot seat — after Johnny had left, mercifully — and told Jesse he and Victoria had been friends who ended up “rekindling” in the weeks after Paradise. Then they decided to go for a drink to test things out . . . in Rome because, Victoria said, they couldn’t be seen together in New York or Nashville. Oh yeah, and they got matching tattoos of the word “Ciao” on their arms while they were there so I guess the test went well.
While this conversation was going on, production kept cutting to the parking lot where Tyler was commiserating with Johnny, basically about what a liar Victoria was.
I honestly have no idea if Victoria is a liar, if Johnny is a misogynist or who’s telling the truth. Social media certainly seems to be on Johnny’s side.
But Victoria said, “Everyone can hate us if they fucking want. I don’t give two fucks because I’ve got this bleep” (no idea what that third bleep was) and there you have it.
The only love story that really mattered
Throughout the disappointments of the season, Brandon and Serene were our rock. They never so much as looked at anyone else on the beach. They never fought. They were steadfast in their desire to be together. So yes, they got engaged after exchanging heartfelt speeches in which they pledged undying love to each other. Brandon teared up just watching Serene walk across the sand toward him, for heaven’s sake.
They did, however, decline Jesse’s offer to marry them right there on the beach.
As Brandon explained, “we’re so family oriented to the point that our family has to be there.” Makes sense to me.
So yes, this interminable season of “Bachelor in Paradise” is finally over. “The Bachelor” begins Jan. 23 and bad news, Victoria haters, she was in the promo. She will be on Zach Shallcross’s season for reasons I can’t yet fathom.
I haven’t decided yet if I will recap it, although who am I kidding? It’s like a cult. I can’t seem to get out. But I will definitely recap “Bachelor in Paradise Canada,” which is supposedly coming soon.
Till then, you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo
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