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Month: December 2021

Michelle picks, leaving one man ‘broken’ on ‘The Bachelorette’

December 22, 2021 /
Michelle Young on the beach in Mexico on proposal day on “The Bachelorette.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHO MICHELLE PICKED ON THE BACHELORETTE FINALE, STOP READING NOW!

You could say Michelle Young’s season finale was a textbook end to a “Bachelorette” season in the sense that she dropped the guy who seemed perfect for her and kept the one who was raising red flags.

That producers made it look like Brandon Jones stood a chance of getting the girl is another feather in their caps, I suppose, although it did seem inevitable that someone so heart-on-his-sleeve sincere was bound to be disappointed.

And oh boy, was he disappointed. On a scale of one to 10, the emotional brutality of that breakup was like a 20.

It always seems so pointlessly cruel to let a dude walk up in his best suit, an engagement ring burning a hole in his pocket, give a flowery speech declaring his love and then have the Bachelorette tell him sorry, I’m just not that into you.

You have to assume she knows where her heart lies before she hits the beach, or wherever the proposal happens, so why not head off the unlucky runner-up at the pass?

Well, for the drama, that’s why. And on Tuesday, we got to watch a solid eight minutes of agony, both his and hers, as Michelle told Brandon — just after he told her she was the “missing piece” he’d been searching for his entire life — that her heart had taken her in another direction.

But don’t worry, Brandon told host Kaitlyn Bristowe on “After the Final Rose” that he’s doing good and that he wants Michelle and Nayte Olukoya to be happy, and he seemed like he meant it.

As for Nayte, yes, I was as skeptical as the next person. How does a dude who claims never to have been in love before, who comes from an emotionally constipated family, make a lifetime commitment to someone he’s known for mere weeks when no one else seems to believe he’s ready for it?

Well, Michelle is a really smart woman and if she says Nayte is in it for the long haul, who the hell are we to doubt her?

In any event, the producers seem to have so much faith in the relationship that they gave Michelle and Nayte a $200,000 down payment for a house on “ATFR” — in Minnesota naturally, you think she was going to move for a guy?

Let’s just hope they patronize a different grocery store than the one used by Joe Coleman and his family.

Anyway, let’s backtrack and recount how Michelle got to her happy ending.

If you’d tuned in just for the “meet the family” part of the finale you would have been shocked as hell that Brandon lost.

Has a family ever loved a member of the final two as much as Michelle’s family loved Brandon? It seems unlikely.

They had already met him, of course, during that one-on-one in Minneapolis when her parents “surprised” Michelle and Brandon in the hot tub in her folks’ backyard. And Brandon charmingly brought dad Ephraim a pair of swim trunks to replace the ones he’d borrowed that day.

Brandon couldn’t have answered his and mom LaVonne’s questions any more agreeably if he’d had somebody from production coaching him on the sidelines.

No, he wouldn’t be threatened by Michelle finishing her master’s degree and becoming a school principal. “My mom in my family is the powerful woman.”

Yes, he was in love with Michelle, “the most incredible woman I’ve ever met in my entire life.”

Yes, he’d be thrilled to move to Minnesota. “I just want to marry her so bad.”

LaVonne Young bestows a welcome-to-the-family kiss on Brandon Jones.

LaVonne bestowed not one, but two cheek kisses on Brandon and beamed, “I would be so happy if you’re here in the end.”

Brandon was the “best friend” that Mom and Pop wanted her to marry.

And Nayte’s time with the Young fam? Awkward, at least the way it was edited.

He was vague about moving to Minnesota, telling Michelle’s sister Angela, “The thing about me is I’m all about the adventure. I’ve moved so many times in my life.”

To LaVonne, he said things like, “My mind and heart are definitely pointing at Michelle,” not exactly a declaration of undying love.

LaVonne told him point blank she didn’t think he was ready to get engaged and shared that sentiment with Michelle, which had Michelle saying she had to “reassess” things with Nayte.

Naturally that meant that when it came to the final dates with the final two, Brandon got the chill zooming around on Jet Skis date and Nayte got the uncomfortable “sacred ritual to make you spill your guts” date.

Brandon got the sun, fun and surf date; Nayte not so much.

There’s no point rehashing all the smiles, smooches and declarations of Brandon’s true, true love on his date. The most significant part — other than Brandon gifting Michelle with the sweatshirt he’d been wearing when they had their fantasy suite food fight — was her telling Brandon she was in love with him too.

Up till that point, the fact Michelle was already “in love” with Nayte but just “falling” with Brandon made the ending seem like a foregone conclusion.

I would never accuse Michelle of telling a fib — she seems far too principled for that — but what a gift to production! Despite Nayte having been the clear favourite for weeks, maybe Brandon did have a chance of being the last man standing or so it seemed.

Raul guides Michelle and Nayte in telling each other how they feel.

On their date, Michelle took Nayte to a “sacred place” where a shaman named Raul got them to waft smoke on each other and share their innermost feelings, although he sensed a “blockage” in Nayte.

Well duh, the man had already confessed to being raised in a home where emotions weren’t expressed and “I love you” wasn’t said. It takes more than sacred smoke to counteract that. And I get that you have to go beyond platitudes if you’re planning to marry somebody, but this show makes almost a fetish of the concept of “vulnerability.”

Michelle said in her voice-over that if Nayte stopped trying to pull down his walls it would be a “deal breaker.” Dunh dunh dunh.

Luckily, Nayte was more forthcoming when he and Michelle were alone in his suite. “All I do, all I do is think about life with you, that’s all I do,” he told her. “I think what’s scary is just looking at you right now knowing like, hey, I might wake up tomorrow and just never be able to see you again, you know? That’s scary as hell.

“So as crazy as it is for me to get down on one knee, I am more than ready to do that with you because I want this to be forever, you know?”

She did know. She left Nayte’s room saying, “I think my heart is telling me that this is my person.”

So Brandon was a goner then except, conveniently, there was a letter from Brandon waiting when Michelle got back to her suite — and I don’t blame the conspiracy theorists out there for suspecting production wrote it for him.

It talked about how “a world without you is a world I fear to face” and how he’d always place her happiness above his and he’d love her forever and he’d always see her, etc. Just the sort of thing you want to read the night before you dump someone.

So the narrative the next day, as Nayte and Brandon picked out engagement rings, was that Michelle was confused and her heart torn.

Production threw one more red herring our way by having Michelle say in voice-over as we watched her walk barefoot across the sand to the proposal platform that she was following her heart and was “never going to feel unseen again,” a clear callback to the words in Brandon’s letter.

But of course it was Brandon’s SUV that pulled up first.

Michelle and Brandon tearfully embrace after she dropped her bombshell.

There were so many heartbreaking moments to choose from as Michelle broke up with Brandon, while reassuring him that she still loved him — at least the ones we could hear since the crashing waves drowned out much of the sound, leading viewers to scramble to turn on closed captions.

“Giving you my heart was worth it. It’s something I’ll never regret,” said Brandon while struggling to hold back tears. But tears there were, many, on both their parts.

“I’m just so broken,” he said and there was nothing fake about that.

Michelle had dried her tears by the time Nayte arrived, vowing to make sure she was “always chosen first, seen now and today, tomorrow and for the rest of our lives.”

“I love you with my entire heart,” Michelle told him, adding that her soul mate “is definitely standing right in front of me.”

Yes, of course Nayte proposed to Michelle.

Nayte got down on one knee, pulled out the pear-shaped Neil Lane sparkler he’d chosen, and they were engaged and giddy with happiness.

“This is my soul Nayte,” declared Michelle.

A mariachi band serenaded them, and Kaitlyn and Tayshia Adams ran down the beach cheering to congratulate them (I must say I always get a kick out of that part).

So are they still happy and in love?

It sure looked that way on “After the Final Rose,” which Kaitlyn hosted solo since Tayshia had been exposed to COVID-19.

Michelle reassured Kaitlyn and everybody else that not only was Nayte continuing to let his guard down in their relationship, “he’s more vulnerable than me.”

“I really can say I’ve never been with somebody who makes me feel so beautiful truly inside and out,” Michelle said.

Perhaps, most importantly, mom LaVonne and the rest of the Young clan had fallen in love with Nayte too. And LaVonne was now “besties” with Nayte’s mom. They were in the live studio audience, which went from unmasked to masked about 40 minutes in after viewers complained about the lack of COVID precautions on Twitter.

So simmer down, doubters. Nayte might not have been your pick, but he and Michelle seem as happy as any couple who got together on a dating show can be. Plus he’s Canadian, so I have to support him, eh?

Now, for Brandon. And I apologize for the length of this recap, but damn you to hell three-hour finales!

Brandon and Michelle reunite for the first time since their breakup.

He was gracious while speaking with both Kaitlyn and Michelle, saying he’d always love Michelle but was thankful she’d found her person.

The only hint of frustration came when he said he felt “like a little bit my love was overlooked” and found it confusing that “you really had to push Nayte to that point . . . you never had to push me.”

Maybe we’ll see Brandon again on “Bachelor in Paradise” next summer, although part of me feels like he’s too pure for it.

Speaking of seeing people again, Kaitlyn also brought out the next Bachelor, Clayton Echard, “a man who does need an introduction because nobody knows who he is.”

That’s not true, though. We all know who Clayton is, at least on a surface level. We just don’t understand how he got to be the Bachelor.

Kaitlyn had Clayton read mean tweets about himself, some of which viewers thought were fake.

I will say that Clayton was a good sport. “I kind of wanted this too,” he said in response to the tweet “All I want for Christmas is for Rodney to be the Bachelor. #SantaSucks.” And he laughed really hard at one that read, “I hope Clayton uses protection in the fantasy suites, otherwise 9 months later there are gonna be a lot of baby Shreks running around.”

We also saw the steamy, bitchy, tear-filled promo for Clayton’s season, the one that gives away all the drama by revealing that he told all of the final three he loved them and was “intimate” with at least the final two.

Who am I kidding? I may not be excited about it the new season, but I’ll be recapping it, starting with the Jan. 3 premiere. So check back here Jan. 4 and, until then, have a safe, happy holiday.

And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Fantasy suites turn bros into foes and The Bachelorette is in love

December 15, 2021 /
From left, Nayte Olukoya, Joe Coleman and Brandon Jones await their fate on “The Bachelorette.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC.

Sorry Chris Sutton, but you know who sure seems to have it in the bag after Tuesday’s episode of “The Bachelorette.”

Michelle Young and her final three — Nayte Olukoya, Joe Coleman and Brandon Jones — went to Mexico for fantasy suite dates, but she told only one of those men she was already in love with him. That would be Nayte.

And yes, you’d be forgiven for thinking this takes the mystery out of next week’s finale, in which she’ll chose between Nayte and Brandon. Michelle’s feelings for Nayte were clearly more advanced, notwithstanding that she told Brandon she was “falling in love” with him.

Still, we’ve been promised a “shocking conclusion you’d never expect,” so I guess those of us who aren’t up on the spoilers will wait and see.

Her choice is between a man who says he’s never been in love before and whose own stepdad doubts he’s ready to get engaged, and a man who says he’s so ready you feel like telling him to slow his roll.

Brandon got the first date on Tuesday, which he interpreted as a sign of favour from Michelle. And he couldn’t wait to “literally rip out my heart, throw it on the table and say, ‘Just do what you want with it, because it only beats for you at this point.'”

Obviously, he didn’t “literally” do that, but figuratively? Oh yes, indeed.

That night, after their daytime horseback riding and beach smooching, he told Michelle he loved her three times before they’d even cleared the dinner table.

“I’m just so sick of keeping it in because I want you to know I will always, always put you first, always till I take my last breath I will put you first,” Brandon said.

That seems pretty intense for an “I’m still one of three guys left” date, but Michelle wasn’t put off by it.

She reiterated that she was falling in love with Brandon and told him she could see a future with him. “I’ve never met somebody who has made me feel so safe, has made my heart feel so safe. I’m really excited about that, I’m not gonna lie.”

Brandon feeds Michelle an empanada in bed.

They were still on the same page the next morning, even though Brandon shoved an empanada practically up Michelle’s nose, leading to a food fight in bed (ugh, the poor cleaning staff).

“We’re playful, we have so much fun together whether we are kissing, have empanada sliding down our faces or are having a heart to heart: this relationship seems like it has it all,” Michelle said.

One thing Brandon didn’t count on in his glee at getting the first date was the stress of having to sit in the hotel on the nights that Michelle had her other dates, picturing what she was up to with the other two men.

It’s a particularly mean tradition to have the final three all stay in the same suite so they can watch each other roll in the morning after they’ve spent the night with the Bachelorette.

Luckily, none of the men went into the gory details, but you could cut the tension with a knife. “Now we kind of went from bros to foes,” said Nayte.

Joe was the next bro-foe up for a date.

The narrative going in was that Michelle had to learn more about Joe to decide if she could picture a life with him. I’m not entirely sure how ziplining helps with that, but Michelle dug the fact that the normally reserved Joe screamed as he was doing it and showed his “goofy side.”

“Today was, I think, a big day for me because I saw the energetic, upbeat Joe; I saw the relaxed, adventurous side,” Michelle said. If you say so. She also called Joe a 1,000-piece puzzle “and I like puzzles.” Hmmm.

If nothing else, it was the most picturesque date. How can you beat the image of them smooching as the sun sets with a hungry horse nudging them?

Joe and Michelle seemed to vibe at dinner over their shared desire to make a difference in the world, which seemed like a good thing — until you recall she had a similar conversation with Matt James on their “Bachelor” date and they didn’t end up together either.

While Joe and Michelle were bonding, Brandon was back at the hotel quietly freaking out over the fact his woman was out with another man: “You kind of get into your head, thinking ‘Oh, maybe she’s already got the person picked out she wants to be with.'”

Well, yeah, duh, of course she does. The fiction that she’s still trying to decide between three men at this point is just a ridiculous requirement of the format.

Brandon might have taken comfort from knowing that when Michelle woke up with Joe the next day she told him, “I hope you know how much I care about you and how much you mean to me.” The thing is: Joe was already on the L-word train; Michelle was still on the platform.

Nayte, meanwhile, had correctly surmised that it was better to be last than first in the date order. “I would want, personally, my closest connection to be the last guy,” he told Brandon.

Nayte Olukoya was No. 1 in the soul-mate stakes.

Michelle validated that, as they enjoyed cruising on a catamaran, by saying in her voice-over, “When I’m with Nayte I feel how you’re supposed to feel when you’re with your soul mate, when you’re with your favourite person.”

But were her feelings for Nayte stronger than his were for her? Was he ready to get engaged?

Never one to beat about the bush, Michelle told Nayte at dinner, “So falling in love is one thing, being in love is another thing and then engagement is another thing. Which of those are you ready for?”

“I mean, all three,” Nayte said. “I know I trust myself, I trust you and I trust that I’m really falling in love with you.”

Good enough, off to the fantasy suite.

Nayte upped the ante the next morning, telling Michelle, “I’m falling in love with you, I’m in love with you.”

“I am definitely in love with you too,” Michelle replied.

After that, it was no surprise that Nayte was cocky as hell going into the rose ceremony — annoying but not surprising.

Brandon, on the other hand, seemed hella nervous, enough to pull Michelle aside before she could start handing out the roses.

It played well into the production tricks suggesting Michelle was going to send him home. In her voice-over she said she was going to break the heart of “someone who continued to put me first,” basically taking the words right out of Brandon’s mouth. And then she wiped tears from her eyes as Brandon told her, “I will be here for you regardless of what happens to me.”

We were also supposed to think that Brandon’s “Hail Mary,” as Nayte called it, had changed Michelle’s mind about who to send home. Not a chance. If you parse everything she said to Brandon and to Joe on their separate dates it was clear the latter was a goner.

And go he did, expressing his shock.

Michelle told Joe she was still falling in love with him and really had seen a future with him, and she cried an awful lot after his SUV drove away. So much for her “little slice of home.”

Next Tuesday, it’s the three-hour finale (ugh), with the promo suggesting that Michelle’s dad is worried about Brandon becoming jealous and her mom doubting Nayte’s readiness for an engagement, but you know how deceptive those promos can be. We’ll see what’s what next week.

You can tune in at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Watchable Dec. 13 to 19, 2021

December 13, 2021 /

First things first, this will be my last Watchable list until Jan. 3, 2022, so I’ll wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year now. Secondly, I don’t have a show of the week this week but have devoted the most space to reviewing “And Just Like That . . .” which I was unable to do last week as I didn’t yet have the screeners.

And Like Just That . . . (Crave)

Cynthia Nixon, Sarah Jessica Parker and Kristin Davis in “And Just Like That . . .”
PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Blankenhorn/HBO Max

WARNING: If you haven’t yet watched “And Just Like That . . .” stop reading now. There is a major spoiler ahead.

My feeling after watching three of four episodes of this “Sex and the City” reboot is less “it’s great to see these women again” than “why am I seeing these women again?”

It’s not that I have an aversion to characters aging. I would welcome more shows that focus on 50-something women. And there are things that ring true here — like the sense when someone you love dies that you actually knew very little about them, or how marriage can slide into a comfortable but sexless companionship — but there are also things that don’t, like Miranda’s drinking problem and her patronizing cluelessness around her Black law professor Nya (Karen Pittman).

There’s also a sense that characters like that professor, or Charlotte’s Black school parent friend and gender non-conforming daughter, have been shoehorned in just to make the show less white and straight. (The most well-rounded new addition is Sara Ramirez as non-binary podcast host Che, although even she seems less her own person and more a means to advance Carrie’s and Miranda’s storylines.)

This series, like the original, is at its best when it’s focused on the friendship between the main characters, but therein also lies its biggest problem: the absence of Samantha (Kim Cattrall).

To have Samantha move to London after an argument with Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) probably seemed kinder than killing her off, but it’s also a betrayal of the character. Would Samantha really have cut all ties not just with Carrie, but also Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) and Charlotte (Kristin Davis), over a professional disagreement? And, I’m sorry, but having her send flowers to a funeral doesn’t solve the problem.

The bigger issue is that you can’t help but feel Samantha’s (and Cattrall’s) absence in every scene between the other three. If there were any doubt that Samantha was the heart and soul of “Sex and the City” it’s now been laid to rest.

And speaking of laying to rest, the show gets its water-cooler moment with the death of Mr. Big (Chris Noth) in the first episode after a particularly vigorous workout on his Peloton bike, a death that seems simultaneously contrived and inevitable. Maybe Noth was too busy with other jobs to stick around for 10 episodes; maybe the writers felt a grieving Carrie would give them more to work with than a happily married one, I don’t know.

But Carrie’s grief sometimes feels less like an honest examination of what it’s like to suddenly lose a spouse and more about showcasing her fashion sense — the tasteful funeral ensemble, the high heels she wears as she soothes herself by walking endlessly around the city — and bringing back characters you might not even remember (Susan Sharon, Natasha).

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate the show. I’ll probably even watch all 10 episodes if I have the time. But as I watched the first three, I couldn’t shake the feeling it was trying a little too hard to justify its existence.

“Sex and the City” was landmark, groundbreaking TV, a show that many of us rightfully adore. But the TV landscape is so much different now than it was in 1998. You have to know when to hang up the Manolos.

Short Takes

Pop and Ma Larkin (Bradley Walsh and Joanna Scanlan), right, and their brood in “The Larkins.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Objective Fiction/Genial Productions

The Larkins (Dec. 13, Acorn)

Unless you’re a snotty aristocrat, you’ll probably be charmed by the Larkin family. Ma and Pop (Joanna Scanlan and “Coronation Street” vet Bradley Walsh) and their six kids live on a farm in an uproar of animals and salvage and vast quantities of food but also a huge amount of love. Pop may be a schemer — one does wonder how he acquired so much land and ready cash — but he’s smart and shrewd as well as kind and generous. Alas, their idyllic lifestyle is threatened when vindictive blue blood Alec Norman (Tony Gardner) sics a tax collector on them. But the family launches a charm offensive on tax man Charley (Tok Stephen), with beautiful daughter Mariette (Sabrina Barlett) as their secret weapon. Although this adaptation, like the source novel “The Darling Buds of May,” is set in 1958, the fact that this is 2021 means some period-appropriate updates. Charley is Black, for instance, and neighbour the Brigadier is Indian, and Pop doesn’t pinch or caress every woman he meets, as he does in the book.

Uruguayan Canadian architect Carlos Ott, left, in a scene from “Building Bastille.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Zoot Pictures

Building Bastille (Dec. 14, 9 p.m., TVO)

If someone pitched the story of how an unknown Uruguayan Canadian architect who had never actually built anything before somehow won the commission for a grand new Paris opera house, it might seem too far-fetched for fiction, but that is indeed what happened to Carlos Ott. This doc details the saga: the blind competition he won in 1983 (possibly because the jury thought his design was actually by famed American architect Richard Meier); the fact he almost got sent back home just hours after arriving in Paris because of an expired passport; the team of student architects and Toronto colleagues he quickly rounded up, working day and night to meet a 30-day deadline to submit drawings; the Herculean task of building the world’s most technically advanced opera house; the fact the project was nearly scrapped partway through due to French political rivalries. As one observer says, “This was brain surgery and you’ve never seen a brain before.” But against all odds, the Opera Bastille opened to acclaim on July 14, 1989, the 200th anniversary of the storming of the Bastille prison that kick-started the French Revolution.

Rob Collins as Tyson in “Firebite.” PHOTO CREDIT: Ian Routledge/AMC Plus

Firebite (Dec. 16, AMC Plus)

Pop culture has given us sparkly vampires, sexy vampires, lovelorn vampires, vampires that make us laugh and ones that spread viruses, to name a few. This Australian import gives us vampires who are symbols of colonialism. Set in the Australian outback, its heroes are a disgruntled Aboriginal teenager and her somewhat shiftless legal guardian. They hunt and kill the “suckers” that live underground in tunnels left behind by white settlers who stripped the land for opals. In a class presentation, for which she’s ridiculed by a white bully, Shanika (Shantae Barnes-Cowan) says the original vamps were brought to Oz in the hold of a British ship as part of a deliberate plan to kill off the “Black fellows.” But it’s Indigenous hunters like her and Tyson (Rob Collins) who seem the best chance of keeping the vamps from overrunning the human population, particularly after the vampire king (Callan Mulvey) takes the bus into town (yes, in an example of the show’s humour, new vampires arrive by public transportation). A mix of gory action, laughs, character drama and political message, the show was co-created by Indigenous filmmaker Warwick Thornton.

Odds and Ends

Mahershala Ali with Awkwafina in “Swan Song.” PHOTO CREDIT: Apple TV Plus

I didn’t have a chance to screen this, but anything that stars the wonderful Mahershala Ali tends to get a pass from me. In the Apple TV Plus original movie “Swan Song” (Dec. 17), he stars as a husband and father diagnosed with a terminal illness. Glenn Close co-stars.

Given that “Snowbird” is one of the first singles I remember listening to on my parents’ turntable, I would be remiss not to mention “Anne Murray: Full Circle” (Dec. 17, 8 p.m., CBC), a documentary about one of Canada’s most successful female performers.

Can taking off your clothes change your life for the better? “Finding Magic Mike” (Dec. 16, Crave) would like us to think so. This reality competition takes 10 men, chosen from an initial group of 50, and preps them to perform in the “Magic Mike Live” show in Vegas, a spinoff of the movie franchise. One will win a $100,000 prize. They aren’t your typical beefcakes, but the show will do its best to help them get their sexy on.

Among Netflix’s offerings this week are the new real estate porn series “Selling Tampa” (Dec. 15) and Season 2 of “The Witcher” (Dec. 17).

Disney Plus has “Foodtastic” (Dec. 15), in which contestants create edible art by making Disney scenes out of food.

Amazon Prime Video gives us “With Love” (Dec. 17), a family dramedy that follows a pair of Mexican American siblings, one straight, one gay, and their loved ones through holidays, beginning with Christmas.

BritBox has the North American premiere of “Crime” (Dec. 14), a detective drama starring Dougray Scott as a cop with demons (aren’t they all?) investigating the disappearance of a schoolgirl.

EDITED to include the Anne Murray documentary.

NOTE: The listings here are in Eastern Standard Time and I’ve verified the times where possible, but it’s always best to check listings for your own area. The selection of programs reviewed reflects what I’m given access to by networks and streamers, whether reviews are embargoed, how many shows I have time to watch and my own personal taste. The Odds and Ends section includes some shows that I have not watched.

It’s a bust for all but one couple on Bachelor in Paradise Canada

December 12, 2021 /
“Bachelor in Paradise Canada” came to an end Sunday, but it will be back for another season.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos courtesy of Citytv

I guess Brendan Morgan was on to something.

I was skeptical about his contention that going on a date with someone else, i.e. Maria, wouldn’t minimize the relationship he already had, i.e. with Angela.

But when the closed sign went up at Camp Paradise in Sunday’s episode, Brendan M and Angela Amezcua were the only couple left standing.

Kamil Nicalek and Caitlin Clemmens imploded — or maybe that should be imploded even more — after a night in the fantasy suite.

And Brendan Scanzano, the most faithful man in Paradise, who had eyes only for Illeana Pennetto since Day 1, walked away single. He and Illeana didn’t even make it to the fantasy suite. Go figure.

Angela Amezcua and Brendan Morgan puts roses but not a ring on it.

And what about an engagement, the supposed raison d’être of any Paradise season? It was a goose egg on that count. Brendan M and Angela exchanged final roses, but he didn’t put a ring on it, as had been teased.

(Brendan and Angela explain why they didn’t get engaged, among other things, in a story I wrote for the Toronto Star, which you can find here.)

Nonetheless, the couple have moved to Toronto together and had just signed a lease on a place when “After the Final Rose” taped in the fall. So congrats to them and may they follow in the footsteps of Angela’s friend Astrid Loch and her Canadian fiancé and baby daddy Kevin Wendt. And does this mean Toronto is now a “Bachelor” hot spot?

But let’s backtrack to the last day in Paradise.

If I had to pick one couple besides Brendan and Angela to end up in a fantasy suite, it would not have been Kamil and Caitlin.

The finale picked up where we left off last week, with Kamil freaking out because, um, Caitlin was asking him questions?

Yeah, according to Kamil, Caitlin was not asking questions in a “normal” way and was “not the same Caitlin you were three hours ago” — by which I guess he meant one who was seen but not heard.

“Now I feel like  a terrible person for asking all of that,” Caitlin told a producer and ugh. All of that being, you know, annoying details like how she and Kamil would keep in touch when he was back in New York and she was in Toronto.

“I don’t need to reassure you every single day, I don’t need to hold your hand,” Kamil groused.

“I just need a man who can fucking use his brain and answer the questions,” Caitlin replied.

Yes, right answer! Alas, when Kamil suggested they continue the discussion in private, Caitlin went to the fantasy suite with him.

Caitlin Clemmens and Kamil Nicalek say their goodbyes in Paradise.

But after what she described as “an absolute nightmare of an evening,” Caitlin and Kamil approached the final rose palapa where, despite Kamil expressing “strong” feelings for Caitlin and Caitlin saying she’d leave her heart with Kamil, they broke up.

Still, as he left, Kamil said he wanted to get back what he and Caitlin had in Paradise. More later on how that turned out.

And then there were Brendan S and Illeana.

Brendan said he was eager to do “awesome things” with Illeana, but she said she didn’t know enough about him and what he wanted to move forward — yes, despite all those days they spent with only each other on the beach.

“I feel like there’s a lot you don’t tell me,” she said. “You keep it very surface level.”

And also: “I very much did fall in love with you. Maybe I fell in love with you the way a teenager falls in love at a summer camp.” Ouch.

Saying that going to the fantasy suite would only hurt Brendan S more, the “adult” Illeana packed up and left. “I’m just not ready,” she said as she and Brendan exchanged a tearful hug.

Well, that was a downer.

Thank goodness for Brendan M and Angela. They woke up in the fantasy suite smiling. The sun was shining. Their date was “amazing.” He let Angela put moisturizer on his face, even though it burned. If that doesn’t scream “this couple is taking it to the real world,” what does?

Angela Amezcua and Brendan Morgan seal their partnership with a smooch.

Energetic, upbeat music played as we watched Angela and Brendan walk to the final rose palapa. And yes, OK, it wasn’t an engagement, but it was still sweet.

“I feel like I’ve always known you,” Angela told him. “Falling in love with you has just been effortless, so easy.”

Brendan said Angela was beautiful and smart and kind and funny — “sometimes,” which made her laugh.

“Rain or shine, so long as I’m with you I’m in Paradise,” he said.

Awwwwwww.

And with that, Camp Paradise was closed. So how’d everything go out in the real world?

“After the Final Rose” campers with bartender Kevin Wendt and host Jesse Jones.

Sixteen of the 27 cast members showed up to share with host Jesse Jones. And I confess I was charmed by how Jesse had a personal greeting for every single one of them.

So what did we learn?

Well, let’s skip the small talk with Chris Kotelmach and David Pinard and Lisa Mancini, as much as I love Lisa, and get to the juicy bit: Joey Kirchner and Vay Paquette.

You’ll recall we last saw Joey and Vay leaving Paradise together apparently on their way to a happily ever after as well as to Joey’s friend’s wedding in Alberta. Well, Vay never made it to either of those.

Vay Paquette and Joey Kirchner vying for unhappiest couple out of Paradise.

It was all very he said, she said. Vay didn’t go to the wedding because she got in her head and things were moving too fast, she said. But Joey moved to Toronto, apparently as Vay’s boyfriend, and said he caught her in a bar sitting on a guy’s lap with said guy’s hand on her ass. Vay insisted the dude was just a friend. He called bullshit.

Joey also said Vay told him she was breaking up with him because he couldn’t afford to provide her with the type of lifestyle to which she had become accustomed.

Oh, and she and her friends supposedly talked shit about him in the lobby of the hotel where he works, overhead by a friend of his who was serving them, Joey said. She was allegedly planning to cover her ass by saying either that Joey had a girlfriend during filming, that he was an actor or that he was gay.

Joey pulled papers out of his jacket that he said were screenshots of text messages she sent him with that last accusation, although he didn’t read them aloud.

At that point, Vay stormed off the stage.

The very uncomfortable exchange ended, at Jesse’s urging, with them hugging and kind of making up.

“You just deserve better,” Vay whispered to him.

“I wish it could have been me for you,” he whispered back.

It’s not for me to say who’s telling the truth, although if Joey was lying they were really detailed lies. But I can’t help but marvel at him getting blown off by the woman who put him through hell just because he talked to and about a friend of his who happened to be female. Pretty sure I never saw Maria on his lap with Joey’s hand on her ass.

Next in the unhappy couple parade were Kamil and Caitlin.

I don’t want to belabour this because I don’t think Kamil is worth the typing. But Caitlin said she went to New York to try to make things work and Kamil broke up with her by text message, which Caitlin called “really cowardly.”

So it wasn’t exactly breaking up with someone on TV a la Annaliese, but it was close enough.

Note to whoever is casting “Bachelor in Paradise” Season 2: Please don’t invite Kamil back.

Illeana Pennetto and Brendan Scanzano still had smiles for each other.

Things were a little more optimistic for Brendan S and Illeana. No, they aren’t together, but they said they still have love for each other. “It just wasn’t our time, but hey, it could be in the future,” she said.

Angela and Brendan M also got to sit in the hot seat, where the big reveal was the fact they had just signed a lease, although Brendan joked that Angela was pregnant, which was the source of all those shocked faces you saw in the promo, but no, no, she’s not.

Angela and Brendan M are making it work in the real world, complete with pregnancy jokes.

I am putting great faith in the fact that Brendan wore a flower on his lapel that matched the colour of Angela’s dress.

Finally, it was time for perhaps the biggest reveal of the whole evening. You know how I said that Canadian Paradise didn’t have a boom boom room? Well, it turns out they had a boom boom sauna. Josh described the sauna as “an erotic dungeon.” What did couples get up to in there? Use your imagination, I guess.

But now all the new cast members have some useful information for Season 2. Bartender Kevin Wendt announced that casting is now open at citytv.com and yes, there will be fan contestants again and yes, Kevin will be mixing the drinks.

Before I stop writing, I wanted to give my thoughts on what I thought worked and didn’t work in this inaugural “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” season.

The Cast: It might have seemed like Canada was at a disadvantage not having lots of “Bachelor” alumni to choose from but, in fact, my favourite campers were either people we didn’t get to know well on Canadian “Bachelor” shows (hello, Lisa and Stacy) or people we’d never seen on our TVs before, like Joey, Josh and Jeremy. Which is not to say some of the American cast members weren’t enjoyable, including Alex and Angela.

Editing: Speaking of Alex Bordyukov, how come we saw next to nothing of his relationship with Kit Blaiklock? I would have happily traded some footage of Kamil and Caitlin, say, for glimpses of Alex and Kit. And why bring on a high profile cast member like “Bachelor Canada” winner Bianka Kamber and do nothing with her? I get that she didn’t hook up with anybody, but we could have at least seen her go on a date.

Hosting: Let me just say that Jesse seems like a nice guy, but if he’s coming back for Season 2, I hope he loosens up, let’s his personality shine through and delivers his speeches less like he’s reading off cue cards and more like he’s actually talking to people.

Setting: I think Ontario has advantages over Mexico with its heat and crabs, and the setting was certainly picturesque, especially at night, but there was nothing fantastical about the fantasy suite cabins and some of the dates were really uneventful. Next time, skip the archery and the slip and slide. Maybe just stick to the water sports. Or set up a table and twinkle lights in the theatre and let the campers pretend to eat dinner like on the American show.

I’ll be back to recap “The Bachelorette” Tuesday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. If you want to talk Bachelor with me you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Tayshia in hot seat along with the men on Bachelorette Men Tell All

December 7, 2021 /
“Pizzapreneur” Peter Izzo, second from left, makes a point as the other men react on “The Men Tell All.” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos but screen grabs John Fleenor/ABC

Profanity-filled yelling matches, a fake subpoena, a tasteless streaking stunt, co-host Tayshia Adams being driven off the stage in tears: the “Men Tell All” episode of “The Bachelorette” was a lot.

Add to that a promo for a new season of “The Bachelor” that nobody wants that basically gave away the key dramatic moments and you had a tumultuous helping of TV that Twitter observers compared to “Jerry Springer.”

It made for some uncomfortable viewing in the first hour of the episode while the second hour was filled with, well, filler, including a ridiculous stunt that involved a plant in the audience yelling “We love you, Rodney,” stripping off his clothes and being chased around the studio by security in a lame call-back to Rodney’s nude dare on his one-on-one date.

Sorry, Rodney’s streak was funny, this was just silly.

Rich Leach takes a bite out of his “head,” a call-back to his Night 1 entrance on a platter.

And then there was the cake shaped like Rick’s head in honour of his head-on-a-platter Night 1 entrance, the defamation papers that Peter Izzo had Will Urena “served” with and, later, Peter serving everybody free pizza in a shameless plug for his business.

Maybe we should cut the guy some slack, though, since earlier in the episode Tayshia and Kaitlyn read out what were clearly fake one-star reviews of the place.

If you hadn’t watched any of Michelle Young’s season and you just tuned in on Monday night, you might have thought the whole thing had been a shit show when in fact, with a few notable exceptions, the men had mostly emulated the respectful tone that Michelle herself set.

Michelle brought that same tone to “Men Tell All,” as did two of her nicer rejects, Rodney Mathews and Rick Leach.

Tayshia and co-host Kaitlyn Bristowe poked at the tender spots of their lingering feelings for Michelle. Even fellow contestant Casey (big dude, beardy, in case you’ve forgotten) wiped tears from his eyes when an emotional Rick said, “It’s tough because there’s moments I shared with Michelle that made me feel like I had found my person.”

When Tayshia asked Rick what made Michelle the only person he’d been able to tell the whole story of his father’s death, he replied, “I’d say she listens to understand, she doesn’t listen just to respond and that’s not a skill everyone has.”

You can say that again.

There was no listening going on during the resurrection of the bad blood between “pizzapreneur” Peter and Will — you remember: Will called Peter a narcissist; Peter threw Will’s “Top Gun” jacket in the pool. There was a fair bit of shouting and swearing, though, and it wasn’t all coming from Peter and Will. Daniel and Casey both piled on Peter, with Casey snarking, “There’s 30 guys and only one person who can’t shut the fuck up.” And then Kaitlyn and Tayshia had to yell to get all of them to shut the fuck up.

But they also contributed to the beef by pulling up bad reviews of Peter’s pizzeria on a screen, which Peter blamed on Will posting the name of the biz on his social media. And I’m sorry, but “Pizza tasted like it was drenched in pool water”? That’s clearly not a real review.

Will Urena gets “served.” As if Peter thought that up all by himself.

Peter got the last word and he used it to have some mean-looking bald dude throw papers in Will’s lap, telling him, “You’ve been served for defamation of character.”

“Come at me bro, that’s a little taste of what’s gonna happen in real life,” said Peter.

You mean production will set up another stunt for you?

Never mind, they shook hands and hugged it out later after Peter had pizza brought in for everyone.

The greatest villain hits tour moved on to Ryan, the guy who was sent home on Night 1 with a binder full of notes on how to maximize his screen time. He’s still insisting those were just cheat sheets from friends since he had no knowledge of how things worked on “The Bachelorette,” which is at odds with the fact he’s appeared on “The Bachelor Live on Stage” (which Becca Kufrin was in the audience to shill for, by the way).

The most useful part of the exchange was that it gave fan favourite Pardeep Singh the spotlight: “You’re someone who desperately wanted to be on ‘The Bachelor’ your whole life, that’s all you do. You have zero integrity, dude,” he told Ryan.

Next up was Martin Gelbspan.

Romeo told Martin he was disappointed by his “triple whammy of misogyny,” but Martin was still talking BS, claiming he’d been misunderstood by Michelle.

I wish they’d spent a little more time on Will’s claim that Martin had a girlfriend back home during shooting. Martin did admit he’d been dating the woman who is now his “soul mate” before the show, which is highly suspicious. And Casey claimed Martin told Peter he had a girlfriend.

In any case I feel sorry for that “queen,” as Martin called her.

Chris Sutton also got some attention for his shenanigans. You know, trying to “rescue” Michelle from men who thought they had it “in the bag,” blah blah blah.

The only thing worth noting is that Olu Inajide called out Chris, who is white, on his racist nonsense of describing Olu, who is Black, as having a low IQ.

“You looking at black excellence right here. I have a whole master’s degree, boy,” Olu said, standing up and walking over to Chris to demand Chris look him in the eye, which had Rodney and Peter jumping up and getting between them. Chris said he had nothing to say to Olu, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he peed himself a little.

Jamie Skaar in the hot seat in a screen grab from “The Men Tell All.”

And then we had Jamie Skaar, who didn’t sit with the other men at first but was brought out from backstage to the hot seat.

To recap: among Jamie’s sins was telling Michelle the men were upset about a rumour that she knew Joe Coleman before filming, a rumour that he himself perpetuated but refused to own up to; and describing Michelle as being in “spring break mode” and the other men as being beneath his level.

The other men wanted Jamie to fess up and apologize. Instead he talked in circles, blabbing about how there were “three pieces to that” and “two levels of understanding,” and doing everything but admitting he acted like a dick.

It seemed like he’d been let off the hook when his time in the hot seat was interrupted to bring Rick onstage, but that was before Michelle had her way with him.

After Michelle came onstage, Jamie spouted some crap about how he and Michelle both liked to coach people and build people up, to which Michelle listened stony-faced.

Michelle Young with Kaitlyn Bristowe and Tayshia Adams. She stopped smiling when it came to Jamie.

“As I watch back and I see those things that you have said on camera about me going through a spring break mode, you express that you thought the men in the house were below you, for me that’s not what a coach does . . . So I don’t understand how you can be so comfortable or quick to express and preach positivity when that’s not what you’re showcasing 100 per cent of the time,” she said, as the studio audience exploded in cheers and applause.

“I’m not seeing any responsibility.”

So Jamie threw out a weasel apology: “If anybody feels hurt by the words that came out of my mouth I apologize for it.” He also said his comments were about him “venting” rather than his genuine opinions about anyone else.

Michelle was having none of it, noting that his apology put responsibility on the other men rather than on himself and that he hadn’t learned anything from his comments.

So finally, Jamie said, “I was in the wrong and I apologize for that.”

Did he mean it? Not a chance, but Michelle accepted it.

She also accepted an apology from Martin, who was still talking nonsense about “miscommunication” and “misunderstanding” — wrong “m” word, Martin, I believe “misogyny” is the one you want.

But Michelle also schooled him on what women truly deserve: “It is important to lift women up because we are not lifted up,” she said. “And you have to truly understand what that means to treat a woman like a queen. It’s listening to her when she’s vulnerable and embracing what she’s been through instead of calling her immature . . . because those words really do hit deep, not only for me but for so many other women.”

I don’t think for a minute that Martin got what she was saying, but let’s move on to the nice guys.

Should have been Bachelor Rodney Mathews, left, next to Peter Izzo.

The sweetest interaction was with Rodney, who made it to top four. Michelle complimented him and he complimented her right back.

“The way that you truly carried yourself with so much class, so much poise, so much grace, I’m just so happy for you, I’m so proud of you,” Rodney said.

“I’m so grateful and so thankful for everything you did for me. As long as you’re happy I’m happy. I just wish you nothing but the best.”

It was a painful reminder of how great it would have been to see Rodney as the new Bachelor — a man who came into the season considering himself an underdog but who quickly soared in Michelle’s and everyone’s else regard.

But we’re stuck with faux “underdog” Clayton Echard and a promo of his season was shown with much fanfare. Don’t let the excited cheers from the studio audience fool you; when you’re at a TV show taping there are always people behind the scenes coaching you to cheer very loudly at certain moments.

Besides showing Clayton kissing a bunch of mostly white girls (and a glimpse of what looked like Toronto’s CN Tower) the promo appeared to have revealed the final two, with Clayton telling them “I was intimate with both of you.” And it seems he also told three women he was in love with them and we know how well that sort of thing worked out for Ben Higgins.

Does any of that make me excited for Clayton’s season? Not in the least, but I’ll probably end up recapping it anyway.

One final word. I know it’s the host’s job to ask probing questions on these “Tell All” episodes, but since when does that extend to your co-host?

Kaitlyn pointed out the absence of Tayshia’s engagement ring and asked, “Can you tell us what’s going on in your relationship with Zac?”

“All I have to say is that I’m heartbroken,” replied Tayshia. “We tried really hard and I still love him very much and, um, I’m not sure what the future holds. I mean you know how it is, it’s really tough.”

Kaitlyn assured her she did know and wanted Tayshia to be happy. She hugged her before segueing to Rodney’s time in the hot seat with the cringeworthy, “From one broken heart to another.” But Tayshia was so upset she left the stage, walking right between Kaitlyn and the camera.

I’m sure Kaitlyn was just doing what she’d been told, but it seems like a new low in the producers’ ever ongoing quest to create drama.

“The drama continues,” as the announcer reminded us, with a new episode next Tuesday as Michelle tries to suss out her “person” from among Nayte, Joe and Brandon.

You can tune in at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Watchable Dec. 6 to 12, 2021

December 6, 2021 /

SHOW OF THE WEEK: The Expanse (Dec. 10, Amazon Prime Video)

From left, Wes Chatham, Steven Strait and Dominique Tipper in “The Expanse” with Nadine Nicole
and Frankie Adams in the background. PHOTO CREDIT: Courtesy of Amazon Studios

If you’re going to go out, might as well be with a bang than a whimper, which is how “The Expanse” does it in its supposed final season.

There’s been speculation the sci-fi drama could go on were it to find yet another host network — it was rescued by Amazon after Syfy’s cancellation at the end of its third season — but if this six-episode Season 6 is all viewers get, it’s acquitted itself well.

As it begins, we’re dropped into the middle of the war between the Free Navy — the renegade group of Belters led by Marco Inaros (Keon Alexander, rocking a serious man bun) — Earth and Mars.

Earth has found a way to destroy the asteroids with which Inaros has been bombarding the planet, killing millions, but at the expense of keeping its ships pinned down and unable to pursue Marcos.

I don’t think it’s a spoiler to say that situation won’t last and that when the fight comes, the Rocinante is at the heart of it.

Dedicated fans will be gratified to see Holden (Steven Strait), Naomi (Dominique Tipper) and Amos (Wes Chatham) reunited aboard the Roci.

Though Alex is gone — killed off at the end of Season 5 after actor Cas Anvar was accused of sexual misconduct — he’s not forgotten, with his crew mates making it clear that he’s missed.

And that’s kind of important because without the bonds between these characters, “The Expanse” wouldn’t be the show that it is, one that its fans love so passionately they refused to let it die back in 2018.

It’s also a strength of this season that time is taken amid the action to check in with the characters and their relationships. Part of that involves grappling with the guilt they carry, whether it’s Naomi’s over the son she chose to leave with the Free Navy or Clarissa Mao’s (Nadine Nicole) over the many deaths she’s caused.

It’s a point worth making that violence has a spiritual and psychological as well as a physical cost.

“The Expanse” continues to give ample attention and agency to its female characters, not only Naomi and Clarissa but Bobbie Draper (Frankie Adams), Camina Drummer (Cara Gee) and the indomitable Chrisjen Avasarala (Shohreh Aghdashloo).

The downside is that, with just six episodes, plot developments really speed along, especially in the finale. There are also some loose ends, including an arc on the planet Laconia that gets a fair bit of attention but not a conclusion, as well as a key character we see abandoning the final battle and flying off solo to parts unknown.

But that’s also good news if “The Expanse” does get more seasons since it provides some built-in starting points. If this is all we get, though, it leaves viewers and the characters they’ve cared so deeply about in a good place.

Short Takes

Olivia Colman as Susan Edwards in “Landscapers” PHOTO CREDIT: Stefania Rosini/HBO

Landscapers (Dec. 6, 9 p.m., HBO/Crave)

One question nags at you when you begin to watch this miniseries: how could the innocuous-looking, somewhat dotty couple it portrays have murdered her parents, buried them in the backyard, and lived off their pensions and other money for 15 years? I only had time to screen one of the four episodes of “Landscapers,” but I presume that becomes clearer in the other three. Olivia Colman (“Broadchurch,” “The Crown”) and David Thewlis (“Harry Potter,” “Fargo”) play Susan and Christopher Edwards, a real-life British couple serving life sentences for the murders of  William and Patricia Wycherley in 1998. This isn’t the kind of crime procedural we’re used to seeing. It blends scenes of the Edwards, broke and living in France as the series opens, and of the Nottingham detectives who are on their trail with fantasy sequences involving actor Gary Cooper, with whom Susan is obsessed, and behind-the-scenes glimpses of the miniseries production. In real life, the couple spent most of the money they stole from her parents on memorabilia of Cooper and other Hollywood stars. As played by Colman, Susan seems to have a tenuous grasp on reality but an unshakeable bond with devoted husband Christopher, which makes this a love story as well as a crime one.

Actor Will Smith observes swimming sea cucumber from a sub deep beneath the Atlantic Ocean.
PHOTO CREDIT: National Geographic for Disney Plus

Welcome to Earth (Dec. 8, Disney Plus)

There is a whole subgenre of TV shows about the wonders of the planet, but this one has something the rest don’t have: charismatic actor Will Smith as a guide. Smith, who’s got to be one of the most popular actors in the world, joins explorers on a tour of what Disney calls “some of the most thrilling spectacles on the planet.” In the first episode, which I screened, that involves climbing into a tiny submarine and plunging more than 3,000 feet below the surface of the Atlantic Ocean — marine biologist Diva Amon says fewer people have been to the bottom of the ocean than have gone into space. Smith gets to see wondrous bioluminescent creatures as the sub hovers a few inches above the sea bed. And yes, it would be terrifying to know the only thing protecting you from death at the bottom of the ocean is about six inches of plastic. The episode breaks off from Smith’s adventure to profile other wonders that can only be seen in the dark, including a moonbow over the Iquazu Falls in Brazil. But as fascinating as those other sights are, I suspect viewers will be most engaged when Smith is onscreen. The show doesn’t have an overt environmental message, at least not in the episode I saw, but it’s impossible to watch this sort of program and not think of the threat to the Earth and everything on it posed by climate change.

Odds and Ends

Cynthia Nixon, Sarah Jessica Parker and Kristin Davis in “And Just Like That. . .”
PHOTO CREDIT: HBO Max via Bell Media

I’m not gonna lie, “And Just Like That. . .” (Dec. 9, Crave) is the show I’m most curious about this week. As a devoted “Sex and the City” viewer I want to know if this sequel measures up, especially with the absence of Kim Cattrall. I didn’t get an advance look, however, so I’ll just have to wait and see.

Crave also has the premiere of “1 Queen 5 Queers” (Dec. 9), which stars “Canada’s Drag Race” judge Brooke Lynn Hytes, leading panel discussions on sex, relationships, pop culture and other issues of interest to the LGBTQ community.

Global TV has a sneak peek episode of “Abbott Elementary” (Dec. 7, 7:30 p.m.), an ABC mockumentary comedy about teachers in a Philadelphia grade school.

YouTube has the third instalment of “Bear Witness, Take Action” (Dec. 6, 7, 8), a series of short films made from the perspective of Black creators and hosted by Common and Keke Palmer.

Netflix’s offerings include the animation-live action hybrid comedy “Saturday Morning All Star Hits” (Dec. 10) starring Kyle Mooney of “Saturday Night Live” in a parody of 1980s and ’90s Saturday morning TV; “Voir” (Dec. 6), a series of visual essays celebrating cinema; the reality series “Twentysomethings: Austin” (Dec. 10); the comedy special “Nicole Byer: BBW (Big Beautiful Weirdo)” (Dec. 6) and a whack of other stuff.

If you like fish-out-of-water and/or redemption comedies, Acorn has the series “Under the Vines” (Dec. 6), in which a man bequeaths a failing New Zealand vineyard to his stepdaughter, a broke Australian socialite (Rebecca Gibney), and his nephew, a disgraced British lawyer (Charles Edwards, “The Crown”). Naturally, they make the illogical decision to give it a go.

NOTE: The listings here are in Eastern Standard Time and I’ve verified the times where possible, but it’s always best to check listings for your own area. The selection of programs reviewed reflects what I’m given access to by networks and streamers, whether reviews are embargoed, how many shows I have time to watch and my own personal taste. The Odds and Ends section includes some shows that I have not watched.

Fantasy (suites) & reality collide on Bachelor in Paradise Canada

December 5, 2021 /
The cast of “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” ahead of the final rose ceremony.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos courtesy of Citytv

You know that melancholy feeling you get at the end of a summer vacation? You had a blast, but you’re about to head back to reality?

That was Sunday’s penultimate episode of “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.”

With the season about to end, couples were folding like cheap tents and Camp Paradise was emptying out.

And what reward would we get for our nine weeks and counting of watching these Canadian and American singles mingle? Engagements perhaps?

One maybe; two if we’re really lucky, but the way the episode ended even fantasy suites were feeling like a stretch.

(And just a note, given the lack of “fantasy” accoutrements we glimpsed when Brendan M and Angela opened the door to theirs, perhaps the Canadian show needs to come up with a different name. Intimacy suites, maybe? Cut-rate fantasy suites?)

There was to be no happy ending for Stacy Johnson and Mike Ogilvie.

The wheels on the true love narrative started coming off even before the final rose ceremony when Mike told Stacy he wouldn’t feel right accepting a rose from her.

Of course, Mike had been accepting Stacy’s roses and vice versa since he first arrived in Week 3. He told Stacy she was “a gorgeous girl who’s an amazing personality” whom he liked a lot, but they agreed they weren’t where they needed to be emotionally with potential engagements just around the corner — although the subtext from Stacy’s perspective was that had more to do with Mike than with her.

She was in tears when she told the other campers she was leaving. “I deserve love. I deserve someone that knows what they want and knows what they have when they have it,” she said.

Amen to that. Sorry to see you go Stacy, you’re one of the good ones. Mike, hmmm.

No one else chose to forgo a rose and Angela’s, Kit’s, Lisa’s, Caitlin’s and Illeana’s were handed out in short order. Maria’s was the only question mark, although it wasn’t really.

Maria Garcia-Sanchez had both Josh Guvi and Karn Kalra vying for her rose.

Karn, who showed up just last week with a cocky confidence befitting his job as an actor, tried his best to wrest it from Josh, but Maria warned him, “It’s really hard to have a connection with someone you just met.”

She kind of just met Josh too, but she just met him sooner than Karn, plus Josh finally kissed Maria — though I’m not sure the reaction you want after you’ve laid a smooch on someone is for them to laugh loudly. (For the record, Maria tweeted Sunday she laughs when she feels nervous.)

Maria explained that she wasn’t as “open physically and romantically” as other people, plus the fact she got her rose from production rather than a man made her feel like “second choice” — that would actually be fourth choice if we’re counting the other women Josh had already kissed.

Nonetheless, Maria gave her rose to Josh, saying “the more I get to know Josh the more I like.” It was a good pick. Never mind Karn ungenerously saying, “Maria, you fucked up” as he departed.

The next day, with roses in hand and no new arrivals to disrupt the couples, it seemed like everyone could get on with exploring their connections, as they say, and then host Jesse Jones arrived and used the f-word. No, not that one: fantasy suites.

“Take this as the last opportunity to figure out if you’re both really looking to take things to the next level because, if not, you and your partner will be heading home from Camp Paradise today,” he said. Dunh dunh dunh dunh.

Is anyone surprised that Josh and Maria said no to a fantasy suite? Why would she want to spend the night with him when she didn’t even really want to kiss him? They went their separate ways, albeit expressing gratitude for having met each other.

Is there mutual squirrel appreciation in Connor Rogers’ and Lisa Mancini’s future? Guess we’ll see.

Likewise, Connor and Lisa felt a fantasy suite was too much pressure for their fledgling relationship and said they’d continue to figure it out away from camp. “See you soon,” Connor said after they hugged and kissed.

I wasn’t sure which way Alex and Kit were going to go considering how little we’ve seen of them together since their first date in Week 3. And that’s a shame because I think we missed out on a warm, respectful relationship. I love that Alex put glitter on his cheek to match the sparkle under Kit’s eyes and on her dress at the rose ceremony, for instance.

Too bad we didn’t see more of Kit Blaiklock and Alex Bordyukov during the season.

But when push came to shove, Kit told Alex she needed “to love myself more and be stronger on my own” to be the partner he deserved, so they’d be skipping the fantasy suite and parting ways.

Alex was disappointed, but he said Kit made Paradise “one of the most beautiful experiences I’ve ever been through . . . I’m happy I got to know such an incredible woman.”

Awwwwwwww.

With three couples down, it seemed like the remaining three were shoo-ins for fantasy suites.

Angela and Brendan M were the first to take Jesse up on the offer.

Turns out Angela Amezcua and Brendan Morgan are the strongest couple in Paradise, who knew?

They did a “memory lane” tour that included the two docks where they snuggled and watched sunsets and stars, the amphitheatre where they shared their first kiss and the bar stools where they first met.

They left out the cabin stairs where Brendan blew Angela off before he went on a date with Maria. Although, to be honest, the more I think about it the more that whole thing seems like a plot device cooked up by production.

Angela wrote Brendan M a letter in which she said that despite the “speed bumps along the way” — which, just to refresh your memory, included his flirtation with Stacy and her going on a date with Josh — “we always somehow make our way back to each other.”

“I genuinely feel as though I’m falling in love with you,” Brendan told Angela, as orchestral music swelled in the background.

“Really? I’m falling in love with you too, for real,” Angela replied.

Brendan also said he could see himself giving Angela a ring.

And then it was off to the, er, fantasy cabin where, instead of the high thread count linens, candles, rose petals and jacuzzis we usually associate with fantasy suites, we glimpsed what looked like plywood walls with a framed poster that said “Life is better by the lake.” Now, that’s what I call an aphrodisiac!

And what of the other Brendan, Scanzano, and his Day 1 sweetie, Illeana?

Illeana Pennetto was portrayed as having doubts about getting engaged to Brendan Scanzano.

I suspect they’ll end up in the fantasy suite, but production was doing its best to make it seem like a question mark.

They’d already said they loved each other but now, Illeana said, “logic needs to come into play.”

She’s not wrong. Cross-border “Bachelor” relationships don’t have a good track record (although it seems like Chicagoan Joe Amabile and Torontonian Serena Pitt are still together).

And while Brendan kept saying he wanted to do what made Illeana happy, she kept expressing doubts that they were on the same page as far as making things work outside Paradise. Whether those are doubt doubts or “production wants to make it look like we won’t end up together” doubts remains to be seen.

Still, Brendan S and Illeana seemed rock solid compared to Kamil and Caitlin.

Kamil Nicalek and Caitlin Clemmens seemed unlikely to get to a fantasy suite after Sunday’s episode.

Those two have been Paradise exclusive since Episode 2, after they got their respective flirtations with Vay and Chris out of the way. But the episode ended with Kamil walking away from Caitlin in the midst of what seemed like a mini-meltdown.

As with any of the disagreements we’ve seen between Kamil and Caitlin, it can be hard to disentangle exactly what’s going on.

It started with Kamil saying he wanted to leave with Caitlin before the rose ceremony, let alone the fantasy suites — perhaps to avoid the awkward experience of not proposing to Caitlin in the finale the same way he didn’t propose to Annaliese on U.S. “Paradise”? I don’t know, just my speculation. But Caitlin wanted to spend more time with Kamil in Paradise, so he agreed to go to the fantasy suite after all, saying he didn’t want to dwell in the past.

So what went wrong? They started talking about the distance between New York and Toronto, and whether Kamil was good at texting and calling (he said he likes to keep his phone on silent), and things started going south after Kamil said he planned to FaceTime Brendan S every day, which seemed to make Caitlin a little jealous.

Kamil said it wasn’t a big deal: he just wanted to leave Paradise with Caitlin, but Caitlin wanted to have a post-Paradise plan in place.

Kamil said he felt like Caitlin was putting him in the “hot seat” and wasn’t behaving like the “sweet” and “gentle” person he knew. Um, gender stereotyping much?

“Right now it feels to me like you don’t even want to take this outside of here,” Kamil told her

“Quite frankly, I don’t know if I want to leave and work on anything if we can’t resolve it here,” Caitlin answered.

Saying that Caitlin seemed like “a totally different person” and that their conversation seemed like a “fucking prank or something,” Kamil walked away from a distressed Caitlin.

“I’m having flashbacks to my bad time in Paradise when I was sitting in the hot seat and the whole world hated me,” Kamil said. “It was like a nightmare that was unfolding in front of me and I can’t believe it’s happening for a second time.”

Well, boo hoo hoo to that.

On next week’s finale, besides more Kamil and Caitlin drama and Illeana continuing to express doubts about Brendan S, Brendan M and Angela look proposal-ready and there’s a spicy “After the Final Rose” on tap. The highlight of that — or the lowlight, if you will — is Joey saying that he found Vay “in the arms of another guy” at the wedding he took her to, and that she and her friends talked shit about him. Not cool, Vay, not cool.

You can watch it unfold Sunday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And don’t forget the final “Bachelor After Show: After Paradise” at 9:30 p.m. If you want to talk Paradise with me you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

An apple falls right out of the tree on ‘The Bachelorette’ hometowns

December 1, 2021 /
Nayte Olukoya, Joe Coleman, Rodney Mathews and Brandon Jones wait to learn their fate
on the hometowns episode of “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

You could say the hometowns episode of “The Bachelorette” came down to an apple vs. a guy in orange shorts. Michelle Young tossed the man who will forever be known for dressing as an apple on Night 1 while the man who donned orange swim trunks on their date, the one we were meant to think she was having doubts about, maintained his frontrunner status.

I mean it’s hard to drum up drama when you have a final four that seems this benevolent, and not a mean brother or rude mother in the bunch among the families that Michelle met.

The closest we got to hometown conflict was when Nayte’s stepdad expressed doubt that Nayte was ready for an engagement, which set up the narrative that Michelle was “struggling” as she went into the rose ceremony with the fear that Nayte would break her heart.

But there was no way she was going to send the season’s frontrunner home; ditto for Brandon, since Michelle told him she was falling for him. And was she really going to ditch Joe after he threw her a prom?

So that left Rodney Mathews, the down-to-earth, good-natured fellow who wormed his way into viewers’ hearts.

I always figure you can tell a lot about a man by how he makes his exit. “I’m always gonna care about you, Michelle, like forever,” Rodney said. “You’re amazing Michelle, so thank you.” And he kissed her hand before he got into the SUV.

That’s class. And I don’t want to belabour the point, but like a lot of other people I’m wondering why we couldn’t have had Rodney for a Bachelor instead of Clayton Echard, whom ABC finally confirmed as its next male star.

While I had hoped we might get actual hometown dates this week, instead the men’s families came to Minneapolis.

First up was Brandon, who hails from Portland, Oregon.

Michelle gets a skateboarding lesson from Brandon Jones. My apologies for the crappy screen grabs,
but ABC’s photo selection for the episode was really paltry.

The less said about the skateboarding part of the date the better. Whatever skills Brandon had gained from skating with his whole family deserted him with Michelle around and yes, it did make him look 14.

Skating around Brandon’s mother Carmen, father David and brother Noah was way easier. Noah was playing the skeptic of the group, but Michelle told him she could 100 per cent see herself with Brandon. She won David over by talking fishing and basketball. And she assured Carmen she could see who Brandon really was “and that’s why Brandon is still here, because I truly love who that person is.”

Speaking of love, Michelle told Brandon, “After today it is very clear to me that I am falling for you.” Combine that with the fact there was so much goodbye smooching that they were still lip-locked as Michelle sat in the back of the van and Brandon seemed like a shoo-in for a rose.

Next it was Rodney’s turn to take Michelle spiritually if not physically to Rancho Cucamonga, Calif., but they picked apples and Rodney fed Michelle apples blindfolded, callbacks both to the first night and their one-on-one date.

Michelle was clearly the apple of Rodney Mathew’s eye during their hometown.

If you didn’t know any better it would be easy to think Rodney stood a real shot at a rose. Michelle leapt on him and kissed him and told him she missed him. She said Rodney could be the “best friend” her parents had told her she should end up with. We never heard Michelle say she was falling for him, however.

When his mom, Carrie, asked Michelle if she could create a life with Rodney outside “The Bachelorette,” the best Michelle could come up with was that Rodney was the type of person she’d want to be stuck in an airport with for five hours if their flight got cancelled.

So yeah, I get why Carrie was fearing the worst for her son with three other men in the running, but Rodney told her Michelle was worth the risk.

Perhaps Joe, on the other hand, already had a leg up, since he shared his hometown of Minneapolis with Michelle, but he had the best non-family date activity hands down. He took Michelle to prom at his old high school complete with fancy clothes, snacks, balloons, dancing, a photo booth, king and queen sashes and crowns and, with no chaperones, all the smooching they wanted.

The prom do-over that Joe Coleman (and production) planned made Michelle happy.

This was a callback to Michelle’s group date spoken-word poem in which she said she was the last picked for prom, as well as the fact Joe had never gone to one.

“You’ll always be first with me,” Joe told her.

“Joe really sees me and understands me,” Michelle said.

The tough cookie at the family meet-and-greet was meant to be Joe’s sister-in-law, Hanna, but once again the family was putty in Michelle’s hands.

She told Hanna Joe was her “little slice of home away from home” and Hanna decided that Michelle had the kind of strength and energy that Joe needed in his life. Although she also said, “I hope this works out because we will see her in the grocery store.”

The last supposed obstacle was that Joe hadn’t told Michelle how he felt about her yet, but he rectified that: “I am falling in love with you and I feel like you’re that special person for me.”

Finally, it was the turn of Nayte, a Winnipeg native who now calls Austin, Texas home.

Nayte Olukoya put on the orange swim trunks that Michelle said she liked for their date.

The paddleboarding was an entertaining enough diversion for Michelle, but the main event was meeting Nayte’s mom Leanna and stepdad Charles, who were divorced but had come together just to support Nayte — or Nathaniel, as they called him.

Nayte had warned Michelle that his family wasn’t into talking about emotions — “no heart to hearts, no I love you’s” — so it was pretty remarkable to watch Nayte and Charles do both those things, apparently for the first time ever.

Charles, who had come into Nayte’s life when he was in Grade 9, told Nayte what an amazing journey it had been to watch him “grow up to be you.”

“Never doubt that I’m proud of you . . . never, ever, ever doubt that I love you and never doubt that I’m here for you,” Charles said.

Nayte thanked him for everything.

“I’m gonna have a family one day and I want to be who you were to me for them,” said Nayte, with tears in his eyes.

“You’ll be even better than me,” Charles replied.

If nothing else ever comes of Nayte meeting Michelle, that’s a moment to treasure right there.

But for purposes of plot development, the important conversation was between Michelle and Charles when she asked if Nayte was ready for an engagement and Charles replied, “I don’t know if he’s gonna get to that point.”

Then again, who knows if that answer actually had anything to do with Michelle’s question, given the magic of editing, although Nayte himself told his mom he wasn’t quite there yet.

The day of the rose ceremony, Michelle had an extraneous visit from her former “Bachelor” mates Bri Springs and Serena Pitt, which boiled down to Michelle telling them it was going to be tough to send one of her final four home since they were “the best guys I’ve met in my entire life.” And maybe she’d get her heart broken at the end. Well, duh.

When the time came, Michelle handed roses to Brandon, Nayte and Joe and you know the rest.

Next week it’s back to a Monday night schedule with “Men Tell All.” ABC also promoted Clayton’s “Bachelor” season for the first time, which starts Jan. 3. My assessment, based on the clips, is that they’ve brought on some mean girls to compensate for what would otherwise be the deadly dullness of the season.

You can tune in next Monday at 9 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

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