PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC.
Sorry Chris Sutton, but you know who sure seems to have it in the bag after Tuesday’s episode of “The Bachelorette.”
Michelle Young and her final three — Nayte Olukoya, Joe Coleman and Brandon Jones — went to Mexico for fantasy suite dates, but she told only one of those men she was already in love with him. That would be Nayte.
And yes, you’d be forgiven for thinking this takes the mystery out of next week’s finale, in which she’ll chose between Nayte and Brandon. Michelle’s feelings for Nayte were clearly more advanced, notwithstanding that she told Brandon she was “falling in love” with him.
Still, we’ve been promised a “shocking conclusion you’d never expect,” so I guess those of us who aren’t up on the spoilers will wait and see.
Her choice is between a man who says he’s never been in love before and whose own stepdad doubts he’s ready to get engaged, and a man who says he’s so ready you feel like telling him to slow his roll.
Brandon got the first date on Tuesday, which he interpreted as a sign of favour from Michelle. And he couldn’t wait to “literally rip out my heart, throw it on the table and say, ‘Just do what you want with it, because it only beats for you at this point.'”
Obviously, he didn’t “literally” do that, but figuratively? Oh yes, indeed.
That night, after their daytime horseback riding and beach smooching, he told Michelle he loved her three times before they’d even cleared the dinner table.
“I’m just so sick of keeping it in because I want you to know I will always, always put you first, always till I take my last breath I will put you first,” Brandon said.
That seems pretty intense for an “I’m still one of three guys left” date, but Michelle wasn’t put off by it.
She reiterated that she was falling in love with Brandon and told him she could see a future with him. “I’ve never met somebody who has made me feel so safe, has made my heart feel so safe. I’m really excited about that, I’m not gonna lie.”
They were still on the same page the next morning, even though Brandon shoved an empanada practically up Michelle’s nose, leading to a food fight in bed (ugh, the poor cleaning staff).
“We’re playful, we have so much fun together whether we are kissing, have empanada sliding down our faces or are having a heart to heart: this relationship seems like it has it all,” Michelle said.
One thing Brandon didn’t count on in his glee at getting the first date was the stress of having to sit in the hotel on the nights that Michelle had her other dates, picturing what she was up to with the other two men.
It’s a particularly mean tradition to have the final three all stay in the same suite so they can watch each other roll in the morning after they’ve spent the night with the Bachelorette.
Luckily, none of the men went into the gory details, but you could cut the tension with a knife. “Now we kind of went from bros to foes,” said Nayte.
Joe was the next bro-foe up for a date.
The narrative going in was that Michelle had to learn more about Joe to decide if she could picture a life with him. I’m not entirely sure how ziplining helps with that, but Michelle dug the fact that the normally reserved Joe screamed as he was doing it and showed his “goofy side.”
“Today was, I think, a big day for me because I saw the energetic, upbeat Joe; I saw the relaxed, adventurous side,” Michelle said. If you say so. She also called Joe a 1,000-piece puzzle “and I like puzzles.” Hmmm.
If nothing else, it was the most picturesque date. How can you beat the image of them smooching as the sun sets with a hungry horse nudging them?
Joe and Michelle seemed to vibe at dinner over their shared desire to make a difference in the world, which seemed like a good thing — until you recall she had a similar conversation with Matt James on their “Bachelor” date and they didn’t end up together either.
While Joe and Michelle were bonding, Brandon was back at the hotel quietly freaking out over the fact his woman was out with another man: “You kind of get into your head, thinking ‘Oh, maybe she’s already got the person picked out she wants to be with.'”
Well, yeah, duh, of course she does. The fiction that she’s still trying to decide between three men at this point is just a ridiculous requirement of the format.
Brandon might have taken comfort from knowing that when Michelle woke up with Joe the next day she told him, “I hope you know how much I care about you and how much you mean to me.” The thing is: Joe was already on the L-word train; Michelle was still on the platform.
Nayte, meanwhile, had correctly surmised that it was better to be last than first in the date order. “I would want, personally, my closest connection to be the last guy,” he told Brandon.
Michelle validated that, as they enjoyed cruising on a catamaran, by saying in her voice-over, “When I’m with Nayte I feel how you’re supposed to feel when you’re with your soul mate, when you’re with your favourite person.”
But were her feelings for Nayte stronger than his were for her? Was he ready to get engaged?
Never one to beat about the bush, Michelle told Nayte at dinner, “So falling in love is one thing, being in love is another thing and then engagement is another thing. Which of those are you ready for?”
“I mean, all three,” Nayte said. “I know I trust myself, I trust you and I trust that I’m really falling in love with you.”
Good enough, off to the fantasy suite.
Nayte upped the ante the next morning, telling Michelle, “I’m falling in love with you, I’m in love with you.”
“I am definitely in love with you too,” Michelle replied.
After that, it was no surprise that Nayte was cocky as hell going into the rose ceremony — annoying but not surprising.
Brandon, on the other hand, seemed hella nervous, enough to pull Michelle aside before she could start handing out the roses.
It played well into the production tricks suggesting Michelle was going to send him home. In her voice-over she said she was going to break the heart of “someone who continued to put me first,” basically taking the words right out of Brandon’s mouth. And then she wiped tears from her eyes as Brandon told her, “I will be here for you regardless of what happens to me.”
We were also supposed to think that Brandon’s “Hail Mary,” as Nayte called it, had changed Michelle’s mind about who to send home. Not a chance. If you parse everything she said to Brandon and to Joe on their separate dates it was clear the latter was a goner.
And go he did, expressing his shock.
Michelle told Joe she was still falling in love with him and really had seen a future with him, and she cried an awful lot after his SUV drove away. So much for her “little slice of home.”
Next Tuesday, it’s the three-hour finale (ugh), with the promo suggesting that Michelle’s dad is worried about Brandon becoming jealous and her mom doubting Nayte’s readiness for an engagement, but you know how deceptive those promos can be. We’ll see what’s what next week.
You can tune in at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo
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