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Tag: Michelle Young

Michelle picks, leaving one man ‘broken’ on ‘The Bachelorette’

December 22, 2021 /
Michelle Young on the beach in Mexico on proposal day on “The Bachelorette.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHO MICHELLE PICKED ON THE BACHELORETTE FINALE, STOP READING NOW!

You could say Michelle Young’s season finale was a textbook end to a “Bachelorette” season in the sense that she dropped the guy who seemed perfect for her and kept the one who was raising red flags.

That producers made it look like Brandon Jones stood a chance of getting the girl is another feather in their caps, I suppose, although it did seem inevitable that someone so heart-on-his-sleeve sincere was bound to be disappointed.

And oh boy, was he disappointed. On a scale of one to 10, the emotional brutality of that breakup was like a 20.

It always seems so pointlessly cruel to let a dude walk up in his best suit, an engagement ring burning a hole in his pocket, give a flowery speech declaring his love and then have the Bachelorette tell him sorry, I’m just not that into you.

You have to assume she knows where her heart lies before she hits the beach, or wherever the proposal happens, so why not head off the unlucky runner-up at the pass?

Well, for the drama, that’s why. And on Tuesday, we got to watch a solid eight minutes of agony, both his and hers, as Michelle told Brandon — just after he told her she was the “missing piece” he’d been searching for his entire life — that her heart had taken her in another direction.

But don’t worry, Brandon told host Kaitlyn Bristowe on “After the Final Rose” that he’s doing good and that he wants Michelle and Nayte Olukoya to be happy, and he seemed like he meant it.

As for Nayte, yes, I was as skeptical as the next person. How does a dude who claims never to have been in love before, who comes from an emotionally constipated family, make a lifetime commitment to someone he’s known for mere weeks when no one else seems to believe he’s ready for it?

Well, Michelle is a really smart woman and if she says Nayte is in it for the long haul, who the hell are we to doubt her?

In any event, the producers seem to have so much faith in the relationship that they gave Michelle and Nayte a $200,000 down payment for a house on “ATFR” — in Minnesota naturally, you think she was going to move for a guy?

Let’s just hope they patronize a different grocery store than the one used by Joe Coleman and his family.

Anyway, let’s backtrack and recount how Michelle got to her happy ending.

If you’d tuned in just for the “meet the family” part of the finale you would have been shocked as hell that Brandon lost.

Has a family ever loved a member of the final two as much as Michelle’s family loved Brandon? It seems unlikely.

They had already met him, of course, during that one-on-one in Minneapolis when her parents “surprised” Michelle and Brandon in the hot tub in her folks’ backyard. And Brandon charmingly brought dad Ephraim a pair of swim trunks to replace the ones he’d borrowed that day.

Brandon couldn’t have answered his and mom LaVonne’s questions any more agreeably if he’d had somebody from production coaching him on the sidelines.

No, he wouldn’t be threatened by Michelle finishing her master’s degree and becoming a school principal. “My mom in my family is the powerful woman.”

Yes, he was in love with Michelle, “the most incredible woman I’ve ever met in my entire life.”

Yes, he’d be thrilled to move to Minnesota. “I just want to marry her so bad.”

LaVonne Young bestows a welcome-to-the-family kiss on Brandon Jones.

LaVonne bestowed not one, but two cheek kisses on Brandon and beamed, “I would be so happy if you’re here in the end.”

Brandon was the “best friend” that Mom and Pop wanted her to marry.

And Nayte’s time with the Young fam? Awkward, at least the way it was edited.

He was vague about moving to Minnesota, telling Michelle’s sister Angela, “The thing about me is I’m all about the adventure. I’ve moved so many times in my life.”

To LaVonne, he said things like, “My mind and heart are definitely pointing at Michelle,” not exactly a declaration of undying love.

LaVonne told him point blank she didn’t think he was ready to get engaged and shared that sentiment with Michelle, which had Michelle saying she had to “reassess” things with Nayte.

Naturally that meant that when it came to the final dates with the final two, Brandon got the chill zooming around on Jet Skis date and Nayte got the uncomfortable “sacred ritual to make you spill your guts” date.

Brandon got the sun, fun and surf date; Nayte not so much.

There’s no point rehashing all the smiles, smooches and declarations of Brandon’s true, true love on his date. The most significant part — other than Brandon gifting Michelle with the sweatshirt he’d been wearing when they had their fantasy suite food fight — was her telling Brandon she was in love with him too.

Up till that point, the fact Michelle was already “in love” with Nayte but just “falling” with Brandon made the ending seem like a foregone conclusion.

I would never accuse Michelle of telling a fib — she seems far too principled for that — but what a gift to production! Despite Nayte having been the clear favourite for weeks, maybe Brandon did have a chance of being the last man standing or so it seemed.

Raul guides Michelle and Nayte in telling each other how they feel.

On their date, Michelle took Nayte to a “sacred place” where a shaman named Raul got them to waft smoke on each other and share their innermost feelings, although he sensed a “blockage” in Nayte.

Well duh, the man had already confessed to being raised in a home where emotions weren’t expressed and “I love you” wasn’t said. It takes more than sacred smoke to counteract that. And I get that you have to go beyond platitudes if you’re planning to marry somebody, but this show makes almost a fetish of the concept of “vulnerability.”

Michelle said in her voice-over that if Nayte stopped trying to pull down his walls it would be a “deal breaker.” Dunh dunh dunh.

Luckily, Nayte was more forthcoming when he and Michelle were alone in his suite. “All I do, all I do is think about life with you, that’s all I do,” he told her. “I think what’s scary is just looking at you right now knowing like, hey, I might wake up tomorrow and just never be able to see you again, you know? That’s scary as hell.

“So as crazy as it is for me to get down on one knee, I am more than ready to do that with you because I want this to be forever, you know?”

She did know. She left Nayte’s room saying, “I think my heart is telling me that this is my person.”

So Brandon was a goner then except, conveniently, there was a letter from Brandon waiting when Michelle got back to her suite — and I don’t blame the conspiracy theorists out there for suspecting production wrote it for him.

It talked about how “a world without you is a world I fear to face” and how he’d always place her happiness above his and he’d love her forever and he’d always see her, etc. Just the sort of thing you want to read the night before you dump someone.

So the narrative the next day, as Nayte and Brandon picked out engagement rings, was that Michelle was confused and her heart torn.

Production threw one more red herring our way by having Michelle say in voice-over as we watched her walk barefoot across the sand to the proposal platform that she was following her heart and was “never going to feel unseen again,” a clear callback to the words in Brandon’s letter.

But of course it was Brandon’s SUV that pulled up first.

Michelle and Brandon tearfully embrace after she dropped her bombshell.

There were so many heartbreaking moments to choose from as Michelle broke up with Brandon, while reassuring him that she still loved him — at least the ones we could hear since the crashing waves drowned out much of the sound, leading viewers to scramble to turn on closed captions.

“Giving you my heart was worth it. It’s something I’ll never regret,” said Brandon while struggling to hold back tears. But tears there were, many, on both their parts.

“I’m just so broken,” he said and there was nothing fake about that.

Michelle had dried her tears by the time Nayte arrived, vowing to make sure she was “always chosen first, seen now and today, tomorrow and for the rest of our lives.”

“I love you with my entire heart,” Michelle told him, adding that her soul mate “is definitely standing right in front of me.”

Yes, of course Nayte proposed to Michelle.

Nayte got down on one knee, pulled out the pear-shaped Neil Lane sparkler he’d chosen, and they were engaged and giddy with happiness.

“This is my soul Nayte,” declared Michelle.

A mariachi band serenaded them, and Kaitlyn and Tayshia Adams ran down the beach cheering to congratulate them (I must say I always get a kick out of that part).

So are they still happy and in love?

It sure looked that way on “After the Final Rose,” which Kaitlyn hosted solo since Tayshia had been exposed to COVID-19.

Michelle reassured Kaitlyn and everybody else that not only was Nayte continuing to let his guard down in their relationship, “he’s more vulnerable than me.”

“I really can say I’ve never been with somebody who makes me feel so beautiful truly inside and out,” Michelle said.

Perhaps, most importantly, mom LaVonne and the rest of the Young clan had fallen in love with Nayte too. And LaVonne was now “besties” with Nayte’s mom. They were in the live studio audience, which went from unmasked to masked about 40 minutes in after viewers complained about the lack of COVID precautions on Twitter.

So simmer down, doubters. Nayte might not have been your pick, but he and Michelle seem as happy as any couple who got together on a dating show can be. Plus he’s Canadian, so I have to support him, eh?

Now, for Brandon. And I apologize for the length of this recap, but damn you to hell three-hour finales!

Brandon and Michelle reunite for the first time since their breakup.

He was gracious while speaking with both Kaitlyn and Michelle, saying he’d always love Michelle but was thankful she’d found her person.

The only hint of frustration came when he said he felt “like a little bit my love was overlooked” and found it confusing that “you really had to push Nayte to that point . . . you never had to push me.”

Maybe we’ll see Brandon again on “Bachelor in Paradise” next summer, although part of me feels like he’s too pure for it.

Speaking of seeing people again, Kaitlyn also brought out the next Bachelor, Clayton Echard, “a man who does need an introduction because nobody knows who he is.”

That’s not true, though. We all know who Clayton is, at least on a surface level. We just don’t understand how he got to be the Bachelor.

Kaitlyn had Clayton read mean tweets about himself, some of which viewers thought were fake.

I will say that Clayton was a good sport. “I kind of wanted this too,” he said in response to the tweet “All I want for Christmas is for Rodney to be the Bachelor. #SantaSucks.” And he laughed really hard at one that read, “I hope Clayton uses protection in the fantasy suites, otherwise 9 months later there are gonna be a lot of baby Shreks running around.”

We also saw the steamy, bitchy, tear-filled promo for Clayton’s season, the one that gives away all the drama by revealing that he told all of the final three he loved them and was “intimate” with at least the final two.

Who am I kidding? I may not be excited about it the new season, but I’ll be recapping it, starting with the Jan. 3 premiere. So check back here Jan. 4 and, until then, have a safe, happy holiday.

And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Fantasy suites turn bros into foes and The Bachelorette is in love

December 15, 2021 /
From left, Nayte Olukoya, Joe Coleman and Brandon Jones await their fate on “The Bachelorette.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC.

Sorry Chris Sutton, but you know who sure seems to have it in the bag after Tuesday’s episode of “The Bachelorette.”

Michelle Young and her final three — Nayte Olukoya, Joe Coleman and Brandon Jones — went to Mexico for fantasy suite dates, but she told only one of those men she was already in love with him. That would be Nayte.

And yes, you’d be forgiven for thinking this takes the mystery out of next week’s finale, in which she’ll chose between Nayte and Brandon. Michelle’s feelings for Nayte were clearly more advanced, notwithstanding that she told Brandon she was “falling in love” with him.

Still, we’ve been promised a “shocking conclusion you’d never expect,” so I guess those of us who aren’t up on the spoilers will wait and see.

Her choice is between a man who says he’s never been in love before and whose own stepdad doubts he’s ready to get engaged, and a man who says he’s so ready you feel like telling him to slow his roll.

Brandon got the first date on Tuesday, which he interpreted as a sign of favour from Michelle. And he couldn’t wait to “literally rip out my heart, throw it on the table and say, ‘Just do what you want with it, because it only beats for you at this point.'”

Obviously, he didn’t “literally” do that, but figuratively? Oh yes, indeed.

That night, after their daytime horseback riding and beach smooching, he told Michelle he loved her three times before they’d even cleared the dinner table.

“I’m just so sick of keeping it in because I want you to know I will always, always put you first, always till I take my last breath I will put you first,” Brandon said.

That seems pretty intense for an “I’m still one of three guys left” date, but Michelle wasn’t put off by it.

She reiterated that she was falling in love with Brandon and told him she could see a future with him. “I’ve never met somebody who has made me feel so safe, has made my heart feel so safe. I’m really excited about that, I’m not gonna lie.”

Brandon feeds Michelle an empanada in bed.

They were still on the same page the next morning, even though Brandon shoved an empanada practically up Michelle’s nose, leading to a food fight in bed (ugh, the poor cleaning staff).

“We’re playful, we have so much fun together whether we are kissing, have empanada sliding down our faces or are having a heart to heart: this relationship seems like it has it all,” Michelle said.

One thing Brandon didn’t count on in his glee at getting the first date was the stress of having to sit in the hotel on the nights that Michelle had her other dates, picturing what she was up to with the other two men.

It’s a particularly mean tradition to have the final three all stay in the same suite so they can watch each other roll in the morning after they’ve spent the night with the Bachelorette.

Luckily, none of the men went into the gory details, but you could cut the tension with a knife. “Now we kind of went from bros to foes,” said Nayte.

Joe was the next bro-foe up for a date.

The narrative going in was that Michelle had to learn more about Joe to decide if she could picture a life with him. I’m not entirely sure how ziplining helps with that, but Michelle dug the fact that the normally reserved Joe screamed as he was doing it and showed his “goofy side.”

“Today was, I think, a big day for me because I saw the energetic, upbeat Joe; I saw the relaxed, adventurous side,” Michelle said. If you say so. She also called Joe a 1,000-piece puzzle “and I like puzzles.” Hmmm.

If nothing else, it was the most picturesque date. How can you beat the image of them smooching as the sun sets with a hungry horse nudging them?

Joe and Michelle seemed to vibe at dinner over their shared desire to make a difference in the world, which seemed like a good thing — until you recall she had a similar conversation with Matt James on their “Bachelor” date and they didn’t end up together either.

While Joe and Michelle were bonding, Brandon was back at the hotel quietly freaking out over the fact his woman was out with another man: “You kind of get into your head, thinking ‘Oh, maybe she’s already got the person picked out she wants to be with.'”

Well, yeah, duh, of course she does. The fiction that she’s still trying to decide between three men at this point is just a ridiculous requirement of the format.

Brandon might have taken comfort from knowing that when Michelle woke up with Joe the next day she told him, “I hope you know how much I care about you and how much you mean to me.” The thing is: Joe was already on the L-word train; Michelle was still on the platform.

Nayte, meanwhile, had correctly surmised that it was better to be last than first in the date order. “I would want, personally, my closest connection to be the last guy,” he told Brandon.

Nayte Olukoya was No. 1 in the soul-mate stakes.

Michelle validated that, as they enjoyed cruising on a catamaran, by saying in her voice-over, “When I’m with Nayte I feel how you’re supposed to feel when you’re with your soul mate, when you’re with your favourite person.”

But were her feelings for Nayte stronger than his were for her? Was he ready to get engaged?

Never one to beat about the bush, Michelle told Nayte at dinner, “So falling in love is one thing, being in love is another thing and then engagement is another thing. Which of those are you ready for?”

“I mean, all three,” Nayte said. “I know I trust myself, I trust you and I trust that I’m really falling in love with you.”

Good enough, off to the fantasy suite.

Nayte upped the ante the next morning, telling Michelle, “I’m falling in love with you, I’m in love with you.”

“I am definitely in love with you too,” Michelle replied.

After that, it was no surprise that Nayte was cocky as hell going into the rose ceremony — annoying but not surprising.

Brandon, on the other hand, seemed hella nervous, enough to pull Michelle aside before she could start handing out the roses.

It played well into the production tricks suggesting Michelle was going to send him home. In her voice-over she said she was going to break the heart of “someone who continued to put me first,” basically taking the words right out of Brandon’s mouth. And then she wiped tears from her eyes as Brandon told her, “I will be here for you regardless of what happens to me.”

We were also supposed to think that Brandon’s “Hail Mary,” as Nayte called it, had changed Michelle’s mind about who to send home. Not a chance. If you parse everything she said to Brandon and to Joe on their separate dates it was clear the latter was a goner.

And go he did, expressing his shock.

Michelle told Joe she was still falling in love with him and really had seen a future with him, and she cried an awful lot after his SUV drove away. So much for her “little slice of home.”

Next Tuesday, it’s the three-hour finale (ugh), with the promo suggesting that Michelle’s dad is worried about Brandon becoming jealous and her mom doubting Nayte’s readiness for an engagement, but you know how deceptive those promos can be. We’ll see what’s what next week.

You can tune in at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Chris S steps up as the new villain on The Bachelorette

November 10, 2021 /
Michelle Young took 12 of the men on a slumber party group date, but they ended up sleeping on her. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Michelle Young wasn’t the only one who didn’t feel seen on Tuesday’s episode of “The Bachelorette.”

Apparently, Chris Sutton — who, let’s be honest, we haven’t paid attention to since his intro package in the season premiere — was missing his “look at me” moment. He rectified that with a self-serving speech at the cocktail party about how some of the other men thought they “have it in the bag” — it presumably meaning Michelle — and weren’t putting in the effort she deserves. And then he tried to throw Nayte Olukoya, one of the front-runners, under the bus.

Hey, Chris, we see you now, but it’s not a good look.

Chris actually said in his confessional: “I came in on my white horse and I saved her from the castle that she’s been stuck in.” First off, what the hell does that even mean? Second, I can’t think of anyone who needs saving less than Michelle, especially not by the likes of Chris.

I concur with Nayte: “What a dweeb.”

Alas, Chris S was still around after the rose ceremony. Michelle has done such a good job of weeding out the dudes who are there to cause drama: first Ryan, then Jamie and Peter. But Chris S got to stay. Maybe production asked her to stop dumping the trouble-makers? I don’t know.

Speaking of Jamie, Michelle’s first date was with Martin, who was described as being “very close” to Jamie, so the date narrative was whether Michelle could trust Martin.

Michelle and Martin Gelbspan hung out at the BMW Performance Center.

Personally, I’m not sure I’d trust a guy who tears the sleeves off his shirt, but that’s just me. Things seemed to go fine as Martin and Michelle spun around, literally, in BMW M3s at the BMW Performance Center near Palm Springs. Michelle outdrove Martin and that shouldn’t surprise you.

Martin started to skid when he and Michelle got into a tub to cool off with some champagne and Martin said he didn’t think Jamie was a bad person: “I still think he’s a hell of a man.” Michelle figured Martin was questioning her decision to send Jamie home. So was Martin next?

He course-corrected at dinner at the Rancho Mirage Observatory, explaining that he hadn’t learned how to express emotions growing up and was still working on his communication skills. I’m not sure what any of that had to do with his opinion of Jamie, but Michelle gave him the date rose.

It was on to the group date on which 12 of the men — Will, Chris S, Casey, Chris G, Leroy, Rodney, Olu, Brandon, Clayton, Joe, Romeo and Nayte — got to “surrender to love” by putting on PJs and attending a slumber party complete with cotton candy, popcorn, an ice cream sundae bar, mini spa treatments and giant teddy bears.

Michelle said it was all about “bonding and quality time,” but she didn’t count on the men being more interested in bonding with each other than with her.

By the time WWE stars the Bella Twins showed up to supervise the Ultimate Teddy Bear Takedown — in which the men beat the stuffing out of each other with their bears — Michelle was pissed.

The WWE’s Bella Twins helped the men turn their teddy bears from cuddly to cudgels.

She was so annoyed I’m not sure she took the time to appreciate the absurdity of pairing Brandon, who looks shall we say a little boyish, with Olumide, who Clayton said “looks like he ate three of Brandon for breakfast.” I mean, come on, we watched Olu do an exercise that looked like a pushup combined with a jumping jack.

Hosts Tayshia Adams and Kaitlyn Bristowe nearly fell off the couch when Olu took his shirt off. Brandon’s strategy of trying to dance out of reach could only work so long against that type of brawn.

So Olu’s team, which included Clayton, Casey, Romeo, Leroy and Nayte, won after-party time with Michelle. They were so busy jumping up and down together and playing with the streamers that fell from the ceiling they didn’t notice when Michelle left the building for a heart to heart with Kaitlyn.

Michelle explained that having the guys ignore her took her back emotionally to high school, when she was the “token black girl” who didn’t get asked out on dates. “I wasn’t seen,” said Michelle.

“I’m frustrated and hurt,” she added, struggling to hold back her tears. “In this situation I felt like one thing I wasn’t gonna have to worry about was not being seen.”

Totally makes sense to me, as it did to the chastened men at the after-party.

It resonated especially with Olu, who teared up as he told Michelle that everything she said about feeling isolated as a Black woman reminded him of his four sisters and “me being that male figure in my sisters’ life, having to uplift them, tell them that (they’re) beautiful, you can do anything, the right guy will come to your life.”

It was a genuine moment, one that Michelle especially appreciated because of Olu showing emotion as a Black man. For the date rose to go to anybody but him would have been ridiculous.

(And on the topic of ridiculous, I’m with everyone else who’s commenting about the absurdity of Clayton apparently being chosen as the next Bachelor before Michelle’s season even aired. No offence to Clayton, but I’ve seen nothing to suggest he won’t be just another boring white dude in the lead. Olu deserved to be considered.)

Michelle said she got what she needed from the men, that things were back on track.

Then, for a palate cleanser, she went on a one-on-one with Rick that involved taking the Palm Springs Aerial Tramway to Mount San Jacinto State Park, where they walked around taking in the view and smelling trees.

And oh look, there’s a “wish box,” with instructions to read all the wishes inside before writing and leaving your own. What a coincidence that the first two were about finding “my soulmate” and “a love like my grandparents had,” and the third was “I wish my dad could see the man I’ve become.” Because it turns out Rick has some serious father issues. So good job whichever producer got rid of all the real wishes and put in the fake ones.

Michelle’s and Rick’s wish was “We wish to find love by having the hard conversations,” which sounds less like a wish than a decree for every single dinner portion of a one-on-one date.

And so, during dinner, they got down to it. Essentially, when Rick was 17 he found a text from another woman on his dad’s phone, told his mom about it and his parents split up three days after Christmas. Rick talked about his dad being depressed for about 10 years and calling Rick one day when he was at work and too busy to talk. After Rick called back later, his dad texted “I’m just trying to catch my breath” and was then found dead by a friend, which happened three years ago.

His father died “still blaming me because I blew a whistle unfortunately,” Rick said.

That is heavy stuff that Michelle would have to hear eventually, but planting a note so Rick would talk about it on camera definitely feels skeevy.

Nonetheless, Rick regained his good cheer, told Michelle he felt like he was falling in love with her and accepted the date rose, which she presented to her “little lettuce wrap,” a callback to his Night 1 silver platter getup.

Michelle and Rick Leach enjoy a private performance by Andy Grammer.

And then they got to dance and smooch to a musical artist that people have actually heard of — and not a country one at that — Andy Grammer.

Onward to the rose ceremony — and can I just point out we’re four for four as far as episodes ending with rose ceremonies? Wow.

After Chris S made his silly speech and then rudely butted in front of Brandon for alone time with Michelle, he served up Nayte as an example of one of the men who thought they had it in the bag, recounting Nayte’s comments after the group date card arrived.

OK, yes, Nayte did say, “I’m not stressing about when I get a one-on-one date. All I know is a one-on-one is coming. If it’s not today it’s gonna be another time.” And yes, perhaps he should have said that in his inside voice, but he’s right! He’s the first impression rose winner and likely headed to the finale (and no I haven’t read the spoilers, I don’t give a crap about them) so duh, of course he’s getting a one-on-one.

Does that equate to thinking he has “it in the bag”? I don’t think so.

Nayte was understandably perturbed when his alone time with Michelle was consumed with what Chris had said about him and her warning him that “I’m not this massive prize at the end of this.”

So Nayte confronted Chris and they had a loud, angry conversation, during which Chris S lied and said he gave up Nayte’s name because Michelle asked him for the facts.

Chris Sutton, who will heretofore be down as the Dweeb, doing his best to impress Michelle.

Dude! As if she could get a word in edgewise during your monologue when you were too busy trying to make yourself look good.

Chris also got into it with Olu, who suggested Chris might not get a rose because of “the shit you just pulled.”

Chris laughed to himself, boasting about how all the men hated him and when he got his rose he was going to say, “This one’s for you Olu and then I’m gonna wink at him.” And I don’t believe in violence, but I really, really felt like reaching through the TV screen and slapping the smirk off his face.

Perhaps for an aspiring actor like Chris, it’s better to be a villain than just another guy who’s destined to be group date fodder. Did ABC offer him a speaking role on a show or something?

Anyway, Chris S did indeed get a rose along with Brandon, Leroy, Joe, Rodney, Clayton, Casey and Nayte. Chris G, Will and Romeo got jettisoned.

Next week, Chris S moans about Michelle’s “infatuation” with Nayte; there’s a one-on-one with Joe; Michelle spends quality time with Nayte, and tells some unlucky fellow or fellows “Our relationship isn’t progressing forward” and “I can’t do this anymore.” Fingers crossed those words are directed at Chris.

You can tune in next Tuesday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Finally, we get a real conversation about race on ‘The Bachelor’

March 16, 2021 /
Host Emmanuel Acho and Bachelor Matt James on “After the Final Rose.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW HOW “THE BACHELOR” SEASON ENDED DEFINITELY DO NOT READ THIS YET.

Remember all those times we were told a “Bachelor” or “Bachelorette” season finale was the most dramatic ever? Or those “After the Final Rose” episodes that seemed really tense because the couple had broken up or weren’t getting along?

Those seem trifling now compared to what we saw Monday, which at times was searing, gut-wrenching and heartbreaking — and I’m not talking about Matt James and Rachael Kirkconnell breaking up.

With one question — “How much pressure was it being the first Black Bachelor?” — Emmanuel Acho started a conversation on “After the Final Rose” that laid bare the unfair burden placed on Black men, of “making people comfortable with your blackness, and going above and beyond to show that in stature and in personality you’re not as threatening as you come off as,” as Matt put it.

Whereas any other Bachelor (i.e. white, though Matt didn’t use that word) would have to worry only about finding love on the show, Matt said he felt like he carried the weight “of everything that was going on in the country at that time frame regarding social justice, everything going on in the franchise surrounding diversity and inclusion.”

Add to that he had to be on his best behaviour, he said, because “for a lot of people that was the first time having someone like that in their home,” by which he meant having a Black man on their TV.

All that was sobering enough, but things got really raw when it came to Rachael. She and Matt didn’t get engaged at the end of filming, but they were in a relationship and Matt told Emmanuel that when allegations first started going around about racist social media activity on her part he dismissed them as “rumours.”

When Rachael acknowledged the activity and apologized for it, Matt said he realized that “Rachael might not understand what it means to be Black in America.”

As tough as it was to break up with her, “if you don’t understand that something like that is problematic in 2018 there’s a lot of me that you won’t understand,” he said, noting that he grew up in the South, with memories of events, people and places that weren’t welcoming to him.

Host Emmanuel Acho with Rachael Kirkconnell on “After the Final Rose.”

2018 was, of course, the year that Rachael posed for a photo at an antebellum-themed party. As Emmanuel told Rachael when she had her time in the hot seat, antebellum in Latin means “before the war,” as in the U.S. Civil War, which means it’s about honouring the South at a time when slavery was still practised.

A contrite Rachael said she was living in ignorance when the photo was taken without thinking about who her actions might hurt, and she seemed sincere in her desire to rectify that ignorance, but it also seemed clear that whatever she does isn’t going to win back Matt, not that I’m suggesting that should be a priority for him.

Rachael and Matt had an uncomfortable reunion.

When Matt joined Rachael onstage, she apologized for hurting him and for not understanding at first how hurt he had been by her actions, and he just nodded. When Emmanuel asked Matt what he wanted to share with Rachael there was an uncomfortable almost minute-long silence during which he seemed to be struggling with some painful emotions.

Finally, after Emmanuel urged him again to share what was on his mind, Matt told Rachael, “The most disappointing thing for me was having to explain to you why what I saw was problematic and why I was so upset . . . when I questioned our relationship it was on the context of you not fully understanding my blackness and what it means to be a Black man in America, and what it would mean for our kids when I saw those things that were floating around the internet, and it broke my heart.”

Heartbroken or not, Matt said he couldn’t be “emotionally responsible” for Rachael’s tears even though it hurt to see her shed them — she was crying after having told Matt she’d never love anyone the way she loved him — and that he could play no part in the work of reconciliation that she was doing.

Emmanuel invited them to share one last embrace and Matt made no move toward her side of the couch.

Now that we know how it ends, and since this is technically a recap, I should probably say something about what came before “ATFR.”

The episode began with the usual business of the final two meeting Matt’s family. His mother Patty and brother John were charmed by both Rachael and Michelle Young, and vice versa. But Patty went from being ready to welcome one of them into the family to telling Matt that “people fall in and out of love, and love is not the end-all, be-all,” nor did it automatically have to mean an engagement.

That in turn sent Matt to “a very dark place,” thinking about his father not being ready for marriage and destroying his family, which led to Matt thinking he himself wasn’t ready to get engaged.

This being “The Bachelor,” it was hard to tell if Matt was genuinely having second thoughts or this was just a finale fakeout.

Matt and Michelle rappelled down the hotel, which was the easy part of the date.

He seemed attentive enough during his final date with Michelle, which involved rappelling down the front of the Nemacolin. Little did Michelle know walking down a building on a rope would be the easy part of her time with Matt.

Later, in her suite — after she gave Matt matching Mr. and Mrs. James basketball jerseys, signifying their status as life “teammates” — Matt delivered the very bad news that he was having doubts and he didn’t think he could “get there” with Michelle.

They parted with tears on both sides. When then host Chris Harrison showed up to commiserate, Matt reiterated that he wasn’t going to put any woman through what his mother had gone through by rushing into marriage and that he needed time to think things over.

What that meant in practice is that Rachael’s final date was cancelled, but it didn’t stop jeweller Neil Lane from visiting or Matt from picking out an engagement ring.

The pear-shaped beauty, however, stayed in his pocket when Rachael arrived at the lake the next day to learn her fate. There was a certain irony, given the “ATFR” conversation, to hear Rachael talk about knowing Matt had been hurting the day before and how “when you’re hurting I’m hurting.”

Rachael and Matt during the finale non-proposal. There was still a final rose.

Matt told Rachael that he couldn’t propose to her, but he also said he loved her and could see her as his wife and the mother of his children. So it seemed about as idyllic as an ending could get, with Rachael and Matt exchanging giddy “I love you’s,” oblivious to the reality that everyone watching already knew was coming.

As for Michelle, she is indeed, as was reported last week, one of two new Bachelorettes. Katie Thurston is the other one. Her season will air first this summer, with Michelle’s in the fall.

A not so secret Bachelorette reveal: there are two of them, Michelle and Katie Thurston.

Michelle had one bit of unfinished business with Matt on “After the Final Rose.” She told Emmanuel that after their breakup she’d asked production for two minutes to speak to Matt, but Matt refused.

When Matt joined her onstage, Michelle told him she hadn’t been trying to change his mind or to fight for him, but just to find some inner peace before she left Pennsylvania.

Matt apologized for not talking to her. He also praised her both for the way she carried herself through the show and for the “emotional weight” she had carried as a Black woman. Michelle told Matt, “I hope you find your happiness; I hope you move on, kissing with your eyes closed, and I hope you come up with more phrases than just ‘thanks for sharing.'”

I hope that sense of humour is on full display in Michelle’s “Bachelorette” season. I expecting I’ll be recapping that one too.

Until then, you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

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