PHOTO CREDIT: All photos courtesy of Citytv
I guess Brendan Morgan was on to something.
I was skeptical about his contention that going on a date with someone else, i.e. Maria, wouldn’t minimize the relationship he already had, i.e. with Angela.
But when the closed sign went up at Camp Paradise in Sunday’s episode, Brendan M and Angela Amezcua were the only couple left standing.
Kamil Nicalek and Caitlin Clemmens imploded — or maybe that should be imploded even more — after a night in the fantasy suite.
And Brendan Scanzano, the most faithful man in Paradise, who had eyes only for Illeana Pennetto since Day 1, walked away single. He and Illeana didn’t even make it to the fantasy suite. Go figure.
And what about an engagement, the supposed raison d’être of any Paradise season? It was a goose egg on that count. Brendan M and Angela exchanged final roses, but he didn’t put a ring on it, as had been teased.
(Brendan and Angela explain why they didn’t get engaged, among other things, in a story I wrote for the Toronto Star, which you can find here.)
Nonetheless, the couple have moved to Toronto together and had just signed a lease on a place when “After the Final Rose” taped in the fall. So congrats to them and may they follow in the footsteps of Angela’s friend Astrid Loch and her Canadian fiancé and baby daddy Kevin Wendt. And does this mean Toronto is now a “Bachelor” hot spot?
But let’s backtrack to the last day in Paradise.
If I had to pick one couple besides Brendan and Angela to end up in a fantasy suite, it would not have been Kamil and Caitlin.
The finale picked up where we left off last week, with Kamil freaking out because, um, Caitlin was asking him questions?
Yeah, according to Kamil, Caitlin was not asking questions in a “normal” way and was “not the same Caitlin you were three hours ago” — by which I guess he meant one who was seen but not heard.
“Now I feel like a terrible person for asking all of that,” Caitlin told a producer and ugh. All of that being, you know, annoying details like how she and Kamil would keep in touch when he was back in New York and she was in Toronto.
“I don’t need to reassure you every single day, I don’t need to hold your hand,” Kamil groused.
“I just need a man who can fucking use his brain and answer the questions,” Caitlin replied.
Yes, right answer! Alas, when Kamil suggested they continue the discussion in private, Caitlin went to the fantasy suite with him.
But after what she described as “an absolute nightmare of an evening,” Caitlin and Kamil approached the final rose palapa where, despite Kamil expressing “strong” feelings for Caitlin and Caitlin saying she’d leave her heart with Kamil, they broke up.
Still, as he left, Kamil said he wanted to get back what he and Caitlin had in Paradise. More later on how that turned out.
And then there were Brendan S and Illeana.
Brendan said he was eager to do “awesome things” with Illeana, but she said she didn’t know enough about him and what he wanted to move forward — yes, despite all those days they spent with only each other on the beach.
“I feel like there’s a lot you don’t tell me,” she said. “You keep it very surface level.”
And also: “I very much did fall in love with you. Maybe I fell in love with you the way a teenager falls in love at a summer camp.” Ouch.
Saying that going to the fantasy suite would only hurt Brendan S more, the “adult” Illeana packed up and left. “I’m just not ready,” she said as she and Brendan exchanged a tearful hug.
Well, that was a downer.
Thank goodness for Brendan M and Angela. They woke up in the fantasy suite smiling. The sun was shining. Their date was “amazing.” He let Angela put moisturizer on his face, even though it burned. If that doesn’t scream “this couple is taking it to the real world,” what does?
Energetic, upbeat music played as we watched Angela and Brendan walk to the final rose palapa. And yes, OK, it wasn’t an engagement, but it was still sweet.
“I feel like I’ve always known you,” Angela told him. “Falling in love with you has just been effortless, so easy.”
Brendan said Angela was beautiful and smart and kind and funny — “sometimes,” which made her laugh.
“Rain or shine, so long as I’m with you I’m in Paradise,” he said.
Awwwwwww.
And with that, Camp Paradise was closed. So how’d everything go out in the real world?
Sixteen of the 27 cast members showed up to share with host Jesse Jones. And I confess I was charmed by how Jesse had a personal greeting for every single one of them.
So what did we learn?
Well, let’s skip the small talk with Chris Kotelmach and David Pinard and Lisa Mancini, as much as I love Lisa, and get to the juicy bit: Joey Kirchner and Vay Paquette.
You’ll recall we last saw Joey and Vay leaving Paradise together apparently on their way to a happily ever after as well as to Joey’s friend’s wedding in Alberta. Well, Vay never made it to either of those.
It was all very he said, she said. Vay didn’t go to the wedding because she got in her head and things were moving too fast, she said. But Joey moved to Toronto, apparently as Vay’s boyfriend, and said he caught her in a bar sitting on a guy’s lap with said guy’s hand on her ass. Vay insisted the dude was just a friend. He called bullshit.
Joey also said Vay told him she was breaking up with him because he couldn’t afford to provide her with the type of lifestyle to which she had become accustomed.
Oh, and she and her friends supposedly talked shit about him in the lobby of the hotel where he works, overhead by a friend of his who was serving them, Joey said. She was allegedly planning to cover her ass by saying either that Joey had a girlfriend during filming, that he was an actor or that he was gay.
Joey pulled papers out of his jacket that he said were screenshots of text messages she sent him with that last accusation, although he didn’t read them aloud.
At that point, Vay stormed off the stage.
The very uncomfortable exchange ended, at Jesse’s urging, with them hugging and kind of making up.
“You just deserve better,” Vay whispered to him.
“I wish it could have been me for you,” he whispered back.
It’s not for me to say who’s telling the truth, although if Joey was lying they were really detailed lies. But I can’t help but marvel at him getting blown off by the woman who put him through hell just because he talked to and about a friend of his who happened to be female. Pretty sure I never saw Maria on his lap with Joey’s hand on her ass.
Next in the unhappy couple parade were Kamil and Caitlin.
I don’t want to belabour this because I don’t think Kamil is worth the typing. But Caitlin said she went to New York to try to make things work and Kamil broke up with her by text message, which Caitlin called “really cowardly.”
So it wasn’t exactly breaking up with someone on TV a la Annaliese, but it was close enough.
Note to whoever is casting “Bachelor in Paradise” Season 2: Please don’t invite Kamil back.
Things were a little more optimistic for Brendan S and Illeana. No, they aren’t together, but they said they still have love for each other. “It just wasn’t our time, but hey, it could be in the future,” she said.
Angela and Brendan M also got to sit in the hot seat, where the big reveal was the fact they had just signed a lease, although Brendan joked that Angela was pregnant, which was the source of all those shocked faces you saw in the promo, but no, no, she’s not.
I am putting great faith in the fact that Brendan wore a flower on his lapel that matched the colour of Angela’s dress.
Finally, it was time for perhaps the biggest reveal of the whole evening. You know how I said that Canadian Paradise didn’t have a boom boom room? Well, it turns out they had a boom boom sauna. Josh described the sauna as “an erotic dungeon.” What did couples get up to in there? Use your imagination, I guess.
But now all the new cast members have some useful information for Season 2. Bartender Kevin Wendt announced that casting is now open at citytv.com and yes, there will be fan contestants again and yes, Kevin will be mixing the drinks.
Before I stop writing, I wanted to give my thoughts on what I thought worked and didn’t work in this inaugural “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” season.
The Cast: It might have seemed like Canada was at a disadvantage not having lots of “Bachelor” alumni to choose from but, in fact, my favourite campers were either people we didn’t get to know well on Canadian “Bachelor” shows (hello, Lisa and Stacy) or people we’d never seen on our TVs before, like Joey, Josh and Jeremy. Which is not to say some of the American cast members weren’t enjoyable, including Alex and Angela.
Editing: Speaking of Alex Bordyukov, how come we saw next to nothing of his relationship with Kit Blaiklock? I would have happily traded some footage of Kamil and Caitlin, say, for glimpses of Alex and Kit. And why bring on a high profile cast member like “Bachelor Canada” winner Bianka Kamber and do nothing with her? I get that she didn’t hook up with anybody, but we could have at least seen her go on a date.
Hosting: Let me just say that Jesse seems like a nice guy, but if he’s coming back for Season 2, I hope he loosens up, let’s his personality shine through and delivers his speeches less like he’s reading off cue cards and more like he’s actually talking to people.
Setting: I think Ontario has advantages over Mexico with its heat and crabs, and the setting was certainly picturesque, especially at night, but there was nothing fantastical about the fantasy suite cabins and some of the dates were really uneventful. Next time, skip the archery and the slip and slide. Maybe just stick to the water sports. Or set up a table and twinkle lights in the theatre and let the campers pretend to eat dinner like on the American show.
I’ll be back to recap “The Bachelorette” Tuesday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. If you want to talk Bachelor with me you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo
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