PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC
Welcome to “The Bachelorette,” a.k.a. “The Haunting of La Quinta Resort.”
Not only was there a date that involved ghost-hunting, Tayshia professed to be haunted by memories of her first marriage; various men dredged up haunted bits of their pasts, like drug addiction, an eating disorder and horrible home lives; and then there was the Ghost of Squabbles Past as the Bennett and Noah feud kept rolling along.
By next week, one of them (maybe both?) will be but a spectre as far as Tayshia’s concerned since she promised to send one of them home before the end of the episode. In the meantime, let’s dig into our fourth week AC (after Clare).
First we had a bit of fluff with previous Bachelorette JoJo Fletcher (and yes, I agree, her face really did look different) showing up to supposedly offer Tayshia moral support, but really to fill in as dispenser of date cards for host Chris Harrison while he took his son to college.
Zac got the first one-on-one, which started with a cringey fake wedding photo shoot that had Tayshia remembering the first time she wore a wedding gown, i.e. her failed marriage. But that led to Zac confessing that he’d been married before, too, which was cool with Tayshia.
There was a lot more to Zac’s story, as Tayshia found out at dinner: a brain tumour at 23; a marriage that lasted only a year because of his drinking and drug-taking; a DUI arrest; stealing from his own father; two rehab stints, the second of which was the charm.
Woah! Talk about a change from the usual vapid getting-to-know-you talk.
It turned Zac into a contender, which is fine, but it’s getting kind of crowded in the “men Tayshia could end up with” corner, which also includes, by her own admission, Brendan, Ben, Ivan, possibly Riley.
Mind you, she did thin the herd during the second one-on-one date.
Tayshia and Eazy went ghost-hunting since La Quinta is supposedly occupied by the spirits of an oil baron who formerly owned the land, and his wife and baby, who both died after childbirth. The hunt involved walking into a couple of rooms that Tayshia said were freezing cold, hearing sounds and seeing things move (a chair in one case, a framed photo in another), then running away screaming. Ghosts? More likely producers with strings.
It was a fun date, in any event, or at least it was until dinner came around. Eazy said he was falling in love with Tayshia and it was clear from the startled look on her face this wasn’t going to end well.
Tayshia did the old “pick up the rose, then say you can’t have it” fake-out, although she did seem genuinely sorry to hurt Eazy’s feelings. “I’m not there where you are and I don’t know if I can get there,” she said.
Eazy was so stunned he asked, “Tayshia, this is real? You sure?” as she walked him to the waiting SUV.
The most substantial part of the episode came during the group date. It started out frivolously enough with Spencer, Ivan, Ed, Blake, Brendan, Riley, Demar, Bennett, Ben and Noah walking into a room where two naked people were posing and immediately fearing they’d have to take their clothes off . . . again.
But it was just a life-drawing session followed by blindfolded sculpting. “Fifty Shades of Clay,” quipped Bennett after he took advantage of the blindfolds to smooch Tayshia when no one else could see. Spencer sculpted a pepperoni pizza; Ben crafted an infinity symbol; Blake made a penis: way to rep Canada, dude!
Bennett made “homes” for himself and Tayshia in New York, the Hamptons and California, omitting the “mountain retreat” and the “chateau in Paris.” I believe that’s what one calls “flaunting your wealth” — although personally I’m surprised he didn’t build a scale model of Harvard.
But the silliness ended with the self-portrait part of the challenge, the goal of which was that whoever “opened up” the most would win extra time with Tayshia.
Blake talked about growing up in a “pretty failed household” and wanting a “true original family that I just never had”; Riley talked about his estrangement from his mother after his parents’ divorce; Ivan shared his fear that his father, who’d already had cancer twice and a heart attack, was going to die; Ben let his guard down by taking all his clothes off, which at first seemed like a gimmick, until later when he told Tayshia he had suffered from an eating disorder for 15 years.
Tayshia was so moved by the stories she went backstage to cry and then announced she couldn’t choose just one person to get extra time, which was the right thing to do.
Ben got the date rose, deservedly so. But then things went from the sublime to the ridiculous with the sniping between Bennett and Noah.
I haven’t been Noah’s biggest fan, but holy hell, is Bennett ever condescending! “Young Noah” blah blah blah “I’m not on ‘The Babysitter,’ I’m on ‘The Bachelorette’ blah blah blah . . . completely ignoring the fact that the insults make Bennett seem more immature than he’s accusing Noah of being.
Tayshia called them both on the nonsense. They were summoned to an instant two-on-one to take place before the cocktail party before the rose ceremony.
Bennett claimed to wanted to make peace with Noah, so he brought him a present. It consisted of a bandana in homage to conversations they’d had about their fondnesses for ranching and cowboying (nice); a pair of moustache socks because “the only place you should wear a moustache is on your feet” (not so nice); and a book about emotional intelligence because Bennett said Noah was deficient in that (nasty).
Bennett reverted to telling Noah he had zero chance of ending up with Tayshia. Truthfully, both of them have zero chance of ending up with Tayshia; it’s just a question of who finds that out soonest.
It wasn’t looking so good for Bennett when the episode ended with a “To be continued.” He repeated his comment about Noah’s zero chance in front of Tayshia, which she said was “essentially questioning my integrity,” and then she asked, “What’s in the box?”
Next week, besides settling Noah vs. Bennett and presumably having a rose ceremony, there will be tears for Zac and Riley, and jitters for Brendan.
“The Bachelorette” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? You can comment here (no spam please) or come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo
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