One couple finds heartbreak at the Bachelor in Paradise prom

“Bachelor in Paradise” got nostalgic on Tuesday, sending the remaining cast members to a 1980s-themed prom. And if you think about it, some of the plot developments in the penultimate episode of the season would have been at home in an ’80s movie.

A villain got caught in a lie and got his comeuppance; a new girl got shunned but then got a date after all; a popular couple got named prom king and queen. But if it was a real ’80s movie, Noah and Abigail would have settled their differences and we would have left them kissing while a synthesizer-heavy song played over the end credits.

Instead, the Day 1 couple appeared to have broken up, one of the more surprising twists in an episode filled with them — they even got voted couple most likely to live happily ever after at the prom, for crying out loud.

But Noah told Abigail he didn’t think she was his person and we left her crying in a bathroom. We’ll get back to them later.

First things first, we had the unfinished business from last week of Ivan and Aaron feuding over Chelsea. To refresh your memory, Aaron was coupled up with Chelsea, but then she and Ivan started flirting and kissing right in front of Aaron. So Aaron got in Ivan’s face to the point we were supposed to believe it might get physical (it didn’t).

To Aaron, it was a clear case of Ivan making a desperate, last ditch attempt to get a rose, but the rest of the beach seemed to side with Ivan, especially after he claimed Chelsea was the one who asked him to talk. Except it was a lie.

Ivan got caught in the lie, both by Chelsea denying it and, for those of us watching at home, by footage of him asking Chelsea to chat. And that’s not all.

Turns out Ivan only wanted Chelsea’s rose so he could hang around and wait for Alexa from Peter Weber’s season to arrive (no, I don’t remember her either).

I assume a lot of people thought Ivan and Chelsea had already hooked up after last week’s teaser that something had happened in the hotel where the cast waited out the tropical storm. Instead, Ivan spent several hours with Alexa, who was at the hotel waiting to join the cast, after seeing her room number on a producer’s phone screen.

Clearly Ivan was set up. In what universe does a producer just happen to leave their phone in a cast member’s room with classified information right there on the screen? I don’t think any of the contestants so much as fart without the producers knowing about it.

But Ivan — coincidentally, the second man from the Clayshia “Bachelorette” season to go from fan favourite to villain after Brendan Morais — had dug his own hole by lying and verbally attacking Aaron so his only choice was to send himself home. First he got a talking to from Riley, though, who had staunchly defended Ivan against Aaron. “We’re supposed to be better than that, man. We’re better men,” Riley told him. Well, maybe you are.

With Ivan gone, eight women handed out roses with utterly predictable results. If you hadn’t figured out that Natasha was going to choose Ed over Brendan defender Dr. Joe, and that Tia was picking James over Blake — her dancing vagina notwithstanding — you weren’t paying attention.

Dr. Joe and Blake departed, along with Demar.

But with the balance of power shifting back to the men, new women were bound to arrive — although it always seems a bit sadistic to bring new cast members in just before the end when everybody’s already coupled up.

And, indeed, Anna Redman, one of the villains from Matt James’ “Bachelor” season who arrived with date card in hand, was shut down by Kenny and Thomas, who were sticking with Mari and Becca. But she lucked out with James Bonsall and can you blame him? Tia had given him a rose but only after her dalliance with Blake, so they weren’t exactly a sure thing.

As it turned out, Anna and James bonded after yet another weird date — I mean, who put the person with the food fetish in charge of all the dates this season?

First, they turned themselves into human churros, i.e. Mexican doughnuts, by rolling in sugar and drizzling chocolate on each other. Then, after rinsing off, they got his and hers massages with really big snakes on each of their backs. Like, WTAF?

It was nothing a few flutes of champagne and a makeout session in a hot tub couldn’t make better.

Then it was Mykenna Dorn’s turn to taste rejection. The Canadian fashion blogger from Peter’s season, whom we saw at the Paradise VIP party a few episodes ago, also zeroed in on men who were already taken, including Thomas and Riley. But it seemed like she might have a shot with Aaron, who wasn’t exactly acting like he was committed to Chelsea — except Aaron turned down Mykenna’s invitation.

Mykenna cried — and cried and cried — while the other cast members stood around and watched her from a distance. And then they all gawked some more when Ed rode (well, walked really) to the rescue and asked Mykenna to take him on the date. Mykenna very nearly rejected him but finally relented after Ed assured her they’d have fun even if they hated each other.

By the time they rollerbladed their way to dinner in a disco ball-festooned room, Mykenna had developed a new appreciation for Ed’s “dreamy eyes” and also his lips.

But the downside to Ed’s chivalry was that Natasha found herself odd woman out — again. First Brendan strung her along waiting for Pieper to arrive, then Dr. Joe froze her out in loyalty to Brendan and now Ed appeared to be dumping her for Mykenna. Is it any wonder she stayed in bed “sick” while everybody else put on gaudy clothes and went off to the prom?

But before that happened, there was some trouble in Paradise, pun intended, for two of the established couples.

Kenny told Mari after the rose ceremony he had doubts about their long-term prospects, not to mention their passion — sour cream sucking be damned — because he felt she wasn’t as sure about him as he was about her.

The solution turned out to be a visit to the beach from a bruja, or witch, who had Mari and Kenny waft smoke on each other, stare deeply into a mirror and rub candles on each other’s bodies and — presto chango! — they were back to smooching happily on a beach bed.

And then there were Noah and Abigail. Abigail had confessed to Wells, doing double host and bartending duty, that she wasn’t as secure with Noah as everybody thought because she wasn’t sure how he felt about her. But when Noah told Abigail he was falling in love with her, she didn’t say it back.

But never mind the foreboding for a minute because prom!

I have to say that the “promposals” between Serena and Joe, and Becca and Thomas, and Maurissa and Riley, and Mari and Kenny were terribly sweet — yes, even Kenny holding a sign in front of his unmentionables.

There were racks of clothes and accessories for everyone to choose from — although according to Aaron, who said he’d never “been to the ’80s,” “based on the wardrobe selects I’m inclined to think everyone was a professional clown.”

Nonetheless, the cast took their ruffled and bowed and brightly coloured selves to a ballroom where a band was playing “Super Freak” and Wells was spiking the punch. There was even a guy sneaking out on the girl he’d come with to make out with another girl.

That would be Aaron, who grabbed Tia — the only woman there without a date — took her outside, put a corsage on her wrist and a serious smooching on her lips, all without bothering to say anything to Chelsea. As she eloquently put it, “As far as I’m concerned, he can kick rocks barefoot.”

Wells gave out awards — Biggest Flirt to Kenny, Best Kisser of Toes to Maurissa — and named Joe and Serena prom king and queen. Besides the fact they are adorable together, they were the only couple Tuesday who acknowledged having had serious conversations about their post-Paradise future.

Maybe they should have been named couple most like to live happily ever after instead of Noah and Abigail.

Abigail said she was ready to tell Noah she was falling in love with him too, but before she got the chance Noah told her that despite his strong feelings for her, he wasn’t sure she was the perfect woman for him. He had a gut feeling, he said, that he’d been trying to ignore but that he was afraid wasn’t going to go away.

Abigail said she felt blindsided and lied to, and escaped to the ladies room for a cry.

And that’s where we left things until next week’s season finale — which is another three hours, so brace yourselves.

The worst part is that the promo showed Joe’s ex Kendall coming back and I’m guessing she won’t be there to help Joe pick out an engagement ring for Serena, if he’s planning to go that route.

I mean what part of “Joe’s done with Kendall” do she and the producers not understand? Get lost Kendall. Go home and stuff some dead mice.

Whatever happens, you can watch it Tuesday at 8 p.m. on  Citytv.com. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo