Tag: Bachelor in Paradise (Page 1 of 2)

Bachelor in Paradise recap: Well, we have Brandon and Serene

November 23, 2022 / Debra Yeo

“Bachelor in Paradise” cast members: from left front row, Logan Palmer, Andrew Spencer, Genevieve Parisi, Shanae Ankney and Rodney Mathews; from left back row, Jacob Rapini, *Sierra Jackson,* *Kira Mengistu* and *Romeo Alexander*. PHOTO CREDIT: All L.A. photos Eric McCandless/ABC

When the going gets tough after “Bachelor in Paradise,” apparently the tough go to Italy.

That was one takeaway from the second part of the Season 8 finale on Tuesday. That’s where two of the women — Brittany Galvin and Victoria Fuller — hightailed it when they broke up with their “Paradise” sweeties.

Who is to blame for those breakups is sure to be a subject of much contention among Bachelor Nation.

Both Tyler Norris and Johnny DePhillipo seemed heartbroken onstage with host Jesse Palmer during the live portion of the finale. Brittany and Victoria, not so much, although Victoria did get close to tears at one point. Accusations were exchanged by the ex-lovebirds. Closure was elusive. I’ll have more to say on the he said-she said of it all later.

Thankfully we came out of this slog of a season with some nice things: Brandon Jones and Serene Russell are engaged and still deliriously in love; Michael Allio finally told Danielle Maltby he loved her, onstage no less; Jacob Rapini and Jill Chin are going to give it another try; Kira Mengistu and Romeo Alexander — remember them? — are still dating.

It’s not exactly a love-a-palooza, but we’ll take it.

I’m not gonna make like the producers and rehash the season in highlight reel after highlight reel, but here’s what went down on the final episode.

Pssst, you know they can hear you, right?

Logan Palmer, who’s gone from sort of villain on Gabby’s and Rachel’s “Bachelorette” season to wronged man on “Paradise,” got to confront erstwhile squeeze Kate, who’d spent much of the latter part of their relationship dissing Logan behind his back for not being wealthy enough for her.

Kate told Logan she hated that he had heard her “concerns,” that she had been talking “to my girlfriends in private,” and that it wasn’t really about what car he drove or which gym he could afford, but “you weren’t ready for the type of serious partnership I’m looking for.”

Logan reminded her that there were “cameras everywhere, we were wearing mics” and that he, in fact, had a career he was proud of in TV production despite spending a year as a scuba instructor and dog walker to make ends meet.

“I wish you did say it to me,” he told Kate. “It would have cleared a lot of things up. It would have really showed who you were.”

Yeah, feels like we all have a pretty good idea now of who Kate is.

Jacob Rapini and *Jill Chin* kissed and made up.

Tarzan finds his Jane?

Speaking of Kate, you’ll recall that Jacob Rapini threw over Jill Chin for her — even though Kate had already discarded him for Logan — which seemed like a really bad call. Jacob acknowledged he had messed up and, striding across the stage to take Jill’s hands, told her he wanted to try again. She did too. They kissed and Jacob carried her off the stage to the cheers of the audience.

I hope those two weirdos — and I mean that in the most affectionate way — can make it work.

Two wrongs don’t make a reconciliation

One of the more annoying bits of producer manipulation this season was letting rose reject Justin Glaze come back to the beach to pursue Eliza Isichei, who seemed to be in a solid relationship with Rodney Mathews.

Eliza vacillated between the two, finally gave a rose to Rodney and then declared the next morning that she’d made a mistake, leaving Paradise to pursue Justin in Baltimore, who in turn rejected her.

On Tuesday, Eliza said that, oops, she’d made a mistake when she said she made a mistake and she still had feelings for Rodney. But Rodney was having none of it.

“I’ll never forget how I felt in those moments, so hurt and humiliated in front of everyone. That’s something that hurts me to this day,” Rodney said. “But I feel like I’m finally getting better in my healing and coming back to life.”

Once bitten, twice shy, as it were.

Remind me again why this man isn’t our new Bachelor?

Jesse Palmer, Genevieve Parisi and Aaron Clancy: not arguing for a change.

He’s sorry, that’s facts

Genevieve Parisi and Aaron Clancy, who had the most volatile relationship in Paradise, shared the hot seat after not having seen each other since the day they broke up on the beach — with another argument, naturally.

They apologized to each other: her for being “emotionally reactive” to the things Aaron said; he for being “prideful,” “foolish” and “ignorant to your feelings.”

They hugged it out, but someone slap them if they ever consider getting back together.

Tyler Norris and Brittany Galvin have a not entirely cordial chat in the hot seat.

He said, she said Part 1

Next, it was Tyler’s turn in the hot seat and he seemed to struggle at times to hold back tears. He said Brittany broke up with him by FaceTime from Italy the same day we all watched him get dumped by Rachel Recchia on “The Bachelorette.”

When Brittany joined him onstage they had very different views of their parting. Tyler said she had still been telling him every day how much she loved him. Brittany said she had asked to take a break, but Tyler kept Snapchatting and DMing her. “It was too much,” she said.

So was she driven away by an overly clingy boyfriend or was he deceived by a duplicitous girlfriend? I lean toward the former since I can’t help recalling how intense Tyler was when he talked to Rachel about “unconditional love” and trying to find somebody who “can love as hard as you can.”

Brittany tweeted Tuesday night that she and Tyler had ended things on “mutual terms” and she was blindsided onstage, which was why she seemed “cold-hearted.”

Michael Allio gets emotional after telling Danielle Maltby he loves her.

Worth the move to Akron?

Phew, Michael Allio and Danielle Maltby are still together.

The promo for Tuesday’s episode was edited in such a way that you might have thought they’d broken up, but it was just stupid producer tricks as usual.

When Michael said, “I didn’t give you the kind of closure that you needed,” he was talking to Sierra Jackson, the woman he was with before Danielle arrived. Sierra very graciously accepted Michael’s apology.

As for him and Danielle, she is moving to Akron, Ohio, to be with Michael — not moving in with him, mind you, although she has met his son, James, a bunch of times.

Asked by Jesse to share final thoughts, widower Michael told Danielle, “You know I only said ‘I love you’ to one person in my entire life, but I love you.”

So maybe we should all stop resenting Michael now for dumping Sierra and for being a producers’ pet, and just cheer on him and Danielle.

Victoria Fuller and Johnny DePhillipo before the wheels fell off. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

He said, she said Part 2

At this point, “Bachelor in Paradise” finally went back to Paradise, where we watched Victoria and Johnny get engaged in Mexico. Victoria said she couldn’t imagine her life without Johnny and Johnny said he would have her back no matter what.

And that lasted for what, three weeks? That’s when Victoria said she knew they weren’t going to be engaged anymore “if we are fighting this much, this soon and this toxic.” Although it was bleeped out on air, Victoria said that Johnny had called her a stupid C-word and asked her what she could provide to the relationship if she wouldn’t cook or clean.

Johnny claimed the cooking and cleaning comment was a joke. He also accused Victoria of cheating on him emotionally by talking to someone else while they were still trying to work things out.

That someone, of course, is Greg Grippo, formerly of Katie Thurston’s “Bachelorette” season and Victoria’s new boyfriend.

Greg joined Victoria in the hot seat — after Johnny had left, mercifully — and told Jesse he and Victoria had been friends who ended up “rekindling” in the weeks after Paradise. Then they decided to go for a drink to test things out . . . in Rome because, Victoria said, they couldn’t be seen together in New York or Nashville. Oh yeah, and they got matching tattoos of the word “Ciao” on their arms while they were there so I guess the test went well.

While this conversation was going on, production kept cutting to the parking lot where Tyler was commiserating with Johnny, basically about what a liar Victoria was.

I honestly have no idea if Victoria is a liar, if Johnny is a misogynist or who’s telling the truth. Social media certainly seems to be on Johnny’s side.

But Victoria said, “Everyone can hate us if they fucking want. I don’t give two fucks because I’ve got this bleep” (no idea what that third bleep was) and there you have it.

Serene Russell and Brandon Jones get engaged in Mexico.

The only love story that really mattered

Throughout the disappointments of the season, Brandon and Serene were our rock. They never so much as looked at anyone else on the beach. They never fought. They were steadfast in their desire to be together. So yes, they got engaged after exchanging heartfelt speeches in which they pledged undying love to each other. Brandon teared up just watching Serene walk across the sand toward him, for heaven’s sake.

They did, however, decline Jesse’s offer to marry them right there on the beach.

As Brandon explained, “we’re so family oriented to the point that our family has to be there.” Makes sense to me.

So yes, this interminable season of “Bachelor in Paradise” is finally over. “The Bachelor” begins Jan. 23 and bad news, Victoria haters, she was in the promo. She will be on Zach Shallcross’s season for reasons I can’t yet fathom.

I haven’t decided yet if I will recap it, although who am I kidding? It’s like a cult. I can’t seem to get out. But I will definitely recap “Bachelor in Paradise Canada,” which is supposedly coming soon.

Till then, you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Bachelor in Paradise recap: That beach sure emptied fast

November 22, 2022 / Debra Yeo

Last couples standing: Brandon Jones and Serene Russell, and Johnny DePhillipo and Victoria Fuller. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos screen grabs

So this is it? This is what we spent nine weeks and soon-to-be 16 episodes of “Bachelor in Paradise” for? One lousy engagement?

Since we’ve only seen Night 1 of the two-part finale, I know that technically nobody is engaged yet. But if Brandon and Serene don’t put a ring on it Tuesday, it really will be the most shocking finale ever.

And I also know, because I broke my own rule and read a spoiler, that Johnny and Victoria supposedly also get engaged on Tuesday’s final episode, but nobody cares because — SPOILER ALERT! — they’ve already broken up and she’s allegedly dating Greg Grippo (Katie’s “Bachelorette” season).

So I repeat: one engagement.

Considering the lengths producers went this season to mess with relationships — sending the women away in a “Love Island”-style twist, letting people who’d been sent home come back to chase people who were already coupled up — I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised this is what it came to. But it’s a pretty crappy reward for sticking it out with the worst “Paradise” season yet.

Ahead of Monday’s final rose ceremony, there were eight couples remaining plus Mara, who announced to everyone else, “I think I’m gonna have to take myself out of Paradise.” I’m sorry, are you still here?

The producers did their best to make the rose ceremony a dramatic one by cancelling the cocktail party — this after host Jesse Palmer made a point of telling all the couples they had to think carefully about the state of their relationships and whether they were ready to get engaged. But just don’t talk to the other person while you’re thinking about it.

Despite that, there was only one crash and burn: Logan and Kate, and let’s not pretend we’re surprised.

Logan, bless him, told Kate, “I still believe in you and me” before offering her his rose.

Logan Palmer before Kate Gallivan rejected his rose with one last lecture.

Kate noted that Logan had told her she was “critical, looked down on you, not warm enough and stimulated by the drama.” And your point is?

“In reality, those are projections that I feel from you,” Kate said. “And when Jesse told us earlier to ask ourselves if we were happy or in love, the answer for those questions for me is no. I know what I want and this isn’t it.”

Ouch.

After Kate climbed into the SUV of Shame she basically insulted Logan’s penis size as well as his income. Instead of their relationship being an uphill battle, she said, they should have been “dry-humping in the corner” (or maybe the pool, which is what she did with Jacob, although I guess really that’s wet-humping).

“Please God, bring me a grown-ass man with a big *bleep* and a bigger bank account,” Kate said.

Good luck with that.

The next day it was time for the usual “Paradise is over” speech that always marks this point in the season. Fantasy suites were coming up, yada yada. If the couples weren’t ready to be engaged there was the door, etc. And the dominos began to fall.

The most elegant breakup belonged to twin Justin and Florence.

“At the moment, I think we shouldn’t pursue things outside of Paradise,” he said.

“Yeah, I agree,” said Flo.

Done and dusted.

It wasn’t as easy for his brother, Joey. Shanae tearfully rambled on about how the age gap scared her — he’s 24, she’s 30 — how he wasn’t independent enough since he still lived with his parents, how he was doing TikToks all over the place and she wanted a “man” — insulting Joey more with every utterance.

But honestly, I’m surprised the twins lasted past their first night, never mind to the last day of Paradise.

Three guesses for who had the messiest break-up and the first two don’t count: Come on down, Aaron and Genevieve. You think they were going to go without one last pointless argument?

You didn’t think Genevieve Parisi and Aaron Clancy were going to stay a couple, did you?

Essentially, Aaron said that because Genevieve had packed her bags and tried to leave twice when they’d had disagreements he couldn’t trust her to give him the security he needed, even though he claimed to love her.

But hey, he told her she looked beautiful and he wished her the best.

Genevieve responded with silence, which seemed like the right way to go, but then changed her mind and went back to confront Aaron, accusing him of trying to put all the blame for the breakup on her. And to be fair, it did sound like that, but I also kind of agree with Aaron: what was the point of bringing it up?

Eventually Genevieve left for real. “Third time’s the charm,” she said.

Also, in a callback to their famous itching vs. pain argument, she said: “It doesn’t pain me, but it makes my brain itch. I just wasted my time on a child and that’s a big fact.”

Two other couples agreed not to get engaged but left the beach together: Tyler and Brittany, and Michael and Danielle.

Tyler and Brittany said they loved each other; Michael and Danielle did not.

Michael Allio and Danielle Maltby left Paradise together.

Widower Michael did not definitively say he was ready to love again, but he showed Danielle the compass he’d had made just before his wife died, which he always carries with him, and said, “I can’t help but think this compass brought me to you.” He also said he was excited to introduce Danielle to his son, James, “when the time is right,” and that his late wife, Laura, would have loved Danielle.

So it seemed like a pretty promising exit, except the promo for Tuesday’s finale suggests things didn’t stay promising for Michael and Danielle but, then again, that could just be editing.

But if Michael did dump Danielle after all the special treatment he got this season we’d better not see him on a Bachelor show ever again.

Finally, just two couples were left and headed for fantasy suites: Brandon and Serene, and Victoria and Johnny.

Brandon and Serene, they’ve got this. They’ve been dropping the L-word all over Paradise; they’ve already said they want to spend their lives together. They are obviously the couple that Jesse is talking to in the promo when he tells them they can get married right there on the beach.

“I don’t even have a second thought in my mind that this isn’t gonna work out,” Serene told Brandon in the fantasy suite. Me neither.

As for Victoria and Johnny, like I said, who cares since we already know they’re not going to work out?

In the fantasy suite, Johnny was still shying away from a proposal whereas Victoria still wanted one as badly as ever. But if I was Johnny, I’d be more concerned about the self-loathing he is apparently harbouring.

He told Victoria, “Even just when it comes to looking at myself in a mirror, I just hate everything about me.”

Dude, get some therapy before you put a ring on anything or anyone.

And that’s where we’re at until Tuesday night when it will all be over except for the acrimony at the reunion. Frankly, I would expect nothing less than a shit show after the season we’ve had.

You can watch at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Bachelor in Paradise recap: A painful itch and a ballroom blitz

November 16, 2022 / Debra Yeo

Becca Kufrin and fiancé Thomas Jacobs return to Paradise to buck up morale.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC

Is itching the same as pain? I have no freakin’ idea, but I can tell you what is painful: watching these last few episodes of “Bachelor in Paradise” Season 8.

A protracted argument between Aaron and Genevieve about whether itching is a low level form of pain — yeah, you can’t make this stuff up — was just one example of the aimless silliness cluttering this week’s two episodes.

Things started off Monday night with a funereal vibe as everyone on the beach continued mourning the departure of Rodney. Look, I think Rodney is great, too. I was disappointed that Eliza gave him a rose and then changed her mind the morning after, but that happened last week so why the heck were we still seeing everyone moping around?

I’m not saying they didn’t mope around but, you know, editing.

To add insult to injury, we were forced to watch footage of Eliza in Baltimore — you are correct, that’s nowhere near Paradise — trying to rekindle her great love, um, I mean her three-day romance with Justin.

And Justin turned her down!

Yeah, she showed up at his door, poured into a pair of jeans and a cute bustier, and he blew her off since she had picked Rodney over him at the rose ceremony!

“I flew across the country for you, I’ve only known you for three days,” Eliza complained after she made her exit.

Sorry Eliza, but that’s on you, as well as on the “Bachelor in Paradise” producers who wasted money and viewers’ time going off resort to pursue a potential love story that nobody gave a crap about.

And then we got back to the beach just in time to see the first of the new women arrive. And I know it’s not uncommon for new arrivals so late in the season but really, what the hell is the point?

First up was Mara from Clayton’s Bachelor season, who likes comparing herself to marinara sauce — because it’s spicy, I guess? Whatever.

She showed up with a date card and a bushel of overconfidence and settled on twin Justin since everybody else she talked to blew her off. This did not sit well with Justin’s current older woman, Florence, who at 31 is two years younger than Mara. Especially after Mara rubbed Flo’s face in it pre-date by boasting, “I just took a shot of tequila and I’m feeling all kinds of ready.”

“Battle of the cougars,” Victoria called it. And I’m sorry, but 30-somethings are not cougars. And why don’t we have a similar name for all the older men out there who chase younger women?

Mara and Justin went on one of those disgusting dates where the participants rub food all over each other’s bodies and thanks Bachelor in Paradise, you’ve now ruined churros for me.

There was some smooching to go with the chocolate sauce but the next day, just as Florence was packing up to leave, Justin decided he preferred her to Mara, which made Mara cry and really? Turning each other into human doughnuts does not a romance make.

On the other hand, Flo, I’m sure you could do much better, too, but she stayed.

And speaking of older women and younger men, beats me why the show is devoting so much time to Kate and Logan, who have about as much chance of forming a lasting relationship as I do of getting through an episode without rolling my eyes.

Kate was still moaning about Logan not being at her level financially. “He drives an orange Honda, he has a broken phone, he’s a dog walker,” she whined.

And listen, if she wants a man to bring home the bacon, fine, but why is she looking on a crab-infested beach in Sayulita, Mexico? I mean, the average contestant age in Paradise is not indicative of a cast full of self-made millionaires.

I actually feel bad for Logan at this point — and he was far from my favourite on Rachel’s and Gabby’s Bachelorette season — because he can’t seem to do anything right for Kate. She said she wants to be “wowed” and was still bellyaching that Logan didn’t forbid her from going on a date with that drip Hayden.

“It feels like you look down on me in some way,” Logan told her at one point in a rare moment of perception.

“I don’t at all,” lied Kate.

Somehow, they still wanted to be with each other but not for lack of sabotage attempts by the devious Bachelor producers.

Two new women came to the beach: Ency and Lyndsey from Clayton’s season — and why are there so many contestants from one of the worst Bachelor seasons ever?

Ency zeroed in on Andrew and, despite the fact she was sent home in Week 2 of “The Bachelor,” he knew who she was, so I guess she was on his list. To Jessenia’s consternation, he agreed to go on a date.

Lyndsey had worse luck but accomplished the goal of stirring up more unease between Logan and Kate.

Logan didn’t say an outright no to Lyndsey’s date card, telling her he had to talk to Kate first, and Kate was “spinning out.” But they got back to hugging and kissing and Lyndsey left because, unlike Mara, she can take a hint.

Rachel Recchia, right, and Gabby Windey, centre, give Kate Gallivan their “expert” opinion on Logan.

But before Logan could get comfortable in his ongoing discomfort with Kate, ex-Bachelorettes Rachel and Gabby showed up. Why? Apparently just so they could trash talk Logan.

Like I said, I was never one of Logan’s biggest fans, but by this stage Kate had spent more time with Logan than Rachel and Gabby combined, so what right did they have to cast aspersions on him?

You might recall Logan was Team Rachel on “The Bachelorette,” then switched to Team Gabby and then disappeared without a trace, allegedly due to getting COVID. “I don’t respect Logan. I don’t think Logan has changed. What are you gonna do?” Rachel challenged Kate.

Well, we had to wait a bit to find out because first we had to endure yet another argument between Aaron and Genevieve, which resulted in Genevieve once again packing her bags and trying to leave.

The crux of it was a disagreement about whether itching is a low level form of pain and I can’t even. I will leave the commentary to other people.

Florence: “I just hope it’s not about an STD.”

Wells: “I feel like this place is making me dumber.”

Bruce, the boom operator: “I’ll tell you what’s causing me pain is having to keep listening to this argument.”

Kudos to whoever showed footage of a raccoon scratching itself and superimposed the word “Ouch.”

Speaking of ouch, once Aaron had gone to once again waylay Genevieve on her way out, he said, “I know when you’re not emotional you are very sweet and you’re very nurturing, and there’s a reason I fell in love with you. When you’re emotional it just takes over everything.”

Red flag! Red flag! Red flag! Run, Genevieve, run!

But she stayed. Again.

In between all the fighting and fussing, we did get some reminders of what Paradise is allegedly about.

Michael and Danielle, while carefully avoiding use of the L-word, affirmed that they really care about each other.

Tyler and Brittany weren’t using the L-word either — at least not to each other’s faces — but they went on a date and they were so sweet together that I really hope they make it work post-Paradise.

And speaking of making it work after Paradise, ex-Bachelorette Becca Kufrin and her Paradise squeeze turned fiancé Thomas Jacobs waltzed in. In honour of the fact that Becca proposed to Thomas, there was going to be a 1990s-themed Sadie Hawkins dance, with the women inviting the men.

Kate claimed she still had to ascertain if Logan was a match long-term before asking him to the dance. And I don’t know how you determine such a thing with one conversation on the beach, but the next thing you know Kate was happy with Logan again.

I’m with Logan, it’s exhausting trying to keep up with Kate’s — dare I say? — flip-flopping.

And then it was time for fun, dancing, smooching! But you knew it wouldn’t last, right?

Andrew Spencer and Jessenia Cruz in a past episode.

Jessenia decided she needed to clear the air with Andrew and who can blame her for wanting some so-called closure, especially since this was her second time caught in a Paradise love triangle (remember Chris and Alana from Season 7)?

Well, Ency, that’s who.

She interrupted Andrew’s and Jessenia’s talk, but Andrew replied, “I have to finish this conversation, give me a sec.”

Instead, Ency kept stewing then walked over a second time, peevishly telling Andrew, “I don’t know what validation you’re giving her, but I’m asking you to please walk away from this with me right now if you care to pursue anything with us.”

Whoa, slow your roll, Ency!

Andrew did not walk away, explaining that he wanted to be friends with Jessenia afterwards. Plus, if they’d stopped talking, we wouldn’t have heard him confess to Jessenia: “My heart’s still with someone else: Teddi.”

To be honest, I had kind of forgotten that Andrew was into Teddi way back at the start of Paradise, until she left because she had feelings for both Andrew and Rodney.

Should Andrew have left after Teddi left? He told Jessenia he stayed because he had “hope” of finding love with someone else. And since we have seen very little footage of Andrew and Jessenia together we have no idea whether or how much he might have led Jessenia on.

But Jessenia left and then Andrew pulled Ency aside to tell her, too, that he was still into Teddi and he couldn’t be in Paradise anymore. And Ency did not take it well.

She cried and grovelled and begged and held on to Andrew to try to prevent him from leaving. Honey, have some self-respect. You’ve known the guy how long?

But leave Andrew did and so did Ency, crying so hard that her words were unintelligible. Was it the booze cry-talking? Not sure.

Anyway, that’s it until next week’s “shocking two-night finale event.” Host Jesse Palmer has teased that someone might even get married on the beach.

You can watch next Monday and Tuesday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Bachelor in Paradise recap: Rodney and Logan aren’t ‘man’ enough for Eliza and Kate

November 2, 2022 / Debra Yeo

Genevieve Parisi prepares to flee the beach on “Bachelor in Paradise.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos screen grabs

I’m feeling a bit like Genevieve Parisi near the end of Tuesday’s “Bachelor in Paradise,” frustrated and mentally exhausted, dragging her suitcase along, hellbent on escaping a toxic situation.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. “Paradise” is supposed to be the fun “Bachelor” show. We know the producers will manipulate situations to create drama — it’s not like they can help themselves — but it generally doesn’t ruin the naughty, flirty, goofy summertime vibe on the beach or quash the chances of people coupling up, like really coupling up.

But instead of Paradise, this season we’ve got a purgatory where the only imperative seems to be to cause as much chaos as possible, particularly if it means breaking people up.

So this week, after the dust had settled from the show’s “Love Island” ripoff “Casa Amor” twist, they parachuted in a cast member who’d already been sent home just to tempt Eliza away from Rodney. And it seems to be working beyond their wildest dreams.

I mean it’s bad enough that cast members come in with shopping lists of people they want to get with, either because they’ve met them at Stagecoach or slid into their DMs, but at least there were rules. If you didn’t get a rose you went home. If the man or woman of your dreams arrived after you’d already gone, too bad, sucks to be you.

Now, however, not getting a rose is meaningless because producers can bring people back at will to stir up crap. That’s how Justin Glaze ended up back on the beach, hell-bent on pursuing Eliza Isichei.

Rodney Mathews, you’ll recall, ended his romance with Lace after going on a date with Eliza and the two seemed to quickly become one of the “it” couples on the beach, or so we were led to believe.

Eliza Isichei gets cosy with Justin Glaze. Rodney who?

But Eliza was all smiles and giggles after Justin told her he had come back just to meet her, so much so that she apparently forgot all about telling Rodney she wanted to spend quality time with him and agreed to go on a date with Justin.

She was flattered to be pursued by two men, “pursued” being the operative word because when Rodney refused to forbid Eliza from going on the date she got all sullen and resentful, and decided Rodney didn’t care about her that much after all. And I’m sorry, what?

Have we travelled not only to Mexico but decades into the past where men were expected to lay down the law and women to obey?

Because, you know, Eliza could have just said no to Justin if she actually. wanted to nurture her relationship with Rodney instead of expecting him to make the decision for her.

Eliza later claimed her “yes” to Justin had been conditional on getting “clarification” from Rodney. And I’m sorry, what???

As Rodney insisted that Eliza was the only one he wanted and that he would do whatever he needed to do to prove that to her, Eliza continued to act like a sulky teenager. “I hope so,” she said before reluctantly giving Rodney a hug and then wandering back to Justin for a shameless smooching session. And at this point, I’d just like to see Eliza and Justin get the hell off the beach and to extend my condolences to Rodney for falling for someone so insecure and immature.

And if you’re thinking, well, Eliza’s only 26, Kate Gallivan — who’s 33 — also came down with a case of wanting a man to make decisions for her.

This happened after Hayden Markowitz hit the beach. You remember him: the guy who talked shit about Gabby and Rachel on their season, and used his dying dog, Rambo, to try to score sympathy points?

He was still blathering on about Rambo and about how a woman would be hard pressed to beat Rambo in his affections, except — IF YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR DOG SO MUCH WHY AREN’T YOU AT HOME TAKING CARE OF HIM INSTEAD OF IN FREAKIN’ MEXICO?

Shanae and Florence wisely gave Hayden a pass on his date card, but Kate said a part of her wanted to say yes to Hayden just to see how Logan would react. Would that be the part that was egged on by the producers perchance?

So she did say yes, in the hopes Logan would tell her not to go on the date. And are you serious? Logan had been on what, three dates at that point with three different women? So he told Kate she deserved to have the full Paradise experience just like he had.

But Logan had failed Kate’s “test.” “Every girl wants a guy that’s gonna fight for her,” she said.

By telling her what to do? Sorry, not this “girl.”

In fact, Kate claimed Logan’s reaction was “like he didn’t care if I lived or died.” And I’m sorry, what????

Anyway, the date with Hayden was kind of a dud.

Hayden Markowitz and Kate Gallivan prepare to go zip-lining, to Hayden’s horror.

Their zip-lining adventure rattled Hayden and Kate wasn’t digging “this scared energy from him.” He not only admitted to talking crap about Rachel and Gabby, he doubled down and said he didn’t think they were there “for the right reasons.” And Kate decided Hayden’s “priorities are a little misaligned” after he confessed to spending six figures so Rambo could live up to another two years with his brain tumour.

And yet, the promo for next week shows Kate supposedly vacillating between Hayden and Logan because “Hayden has money,” so whose priorities are misaligned now?

Let’s chat about a few more questionable decisions we saw in these two episodes.

Victoria Fuller did what I think we all knew she would and, even though Alex Bordyukov seemed completely in tune with her desire to get hitched and start a family ASAP, she chose to give a rose to surfer dude Johnny DePhillipo. (Don’t worry, Alex is still around, saved by his “Bachelor in Paradise Australia” pal Florence Moerenhout.)

After Victoria and Johnny went on some kind of ceremonial date that involved a type of Mexican sweat lodge, they both confessed to feeling like they were falling in love with each other — a step removed from actually falling, perhaps, but maybe enough to bring the engagement that Victoria so very much wants. We’ll see.

And then there was Shanae Ankney, who got bounced by Logan for Kate after trying to “boom boom” with Tyler, who chose Brittany instead, and had now coupled up with Jacob Rapini, with whom she apparently shares an obsession with clean teeth.

But then the twins came along — yes, Joey and Justin Young, who made zero impression after getting sent home on Night 1 of Gabby’s and Rachel’s season, but we’re supposed to give a crap now, I guess.

Justin and Joey Young bring double something — trouble? ennui? — to the beach.

Shanae and Florence, who are 30 and 31, respectively, agreed to go on a double date with the twins, even though they’re only 24.

It seemed like Florence was just there to have fun, but Shanae claimed to have a “deep connection” with Joey that she hadn’t found with anyone else on the beach. I guess that’s what happens when you drink tequila out of someone’s belly button and turn them into a human burrito? Search me.

And finally, we had the hot mess that is the dysfunctional relationship of Genevieve and Aaron Clancy.

It would exhaust all of us if I tried to reproduce verbatim the tortuous, tearful arguments between these two, but basically Genevieve wanted to tell Aaron she was falling in love with him, but Aaron was too busy bro-ing out to give her 10 minutes for a chat. When Genevieve expressed her disappointment over this state of affairs Aaron accused her of gaslighting him and sorry, Aaron, not facts.

Perhaps the most perfect illustration of the disconnect was when Aaron, right in the middle of complaining to Johnny that Genevieve was gaslighting him, interrupted his own train of thought to point at the ocean and exclaim, “Look at that fatty rip current right here!”

Genevieve, meanwhile, had decided to leave Paradise and tried to tell Aaron she was going, except he wouldn’t commit to a conversation because “I’m thinking about myself and if it’s the right time for me. It’s not all about one person.”

I can only echo Genevieve here: “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Aaron finally granted Gen the conversation she wanted, but only after she was on her way out of the resort with her bags packed.

Aaron was still claiming to be the injured party, but he kind of half-assed apologized for making Genevieve unhappy, got all teary, and told her he was falling in love with her too and he didn’t want her to leave. And despite her earlier insight — “My gut is telling me we are not meant for each other” — Genevieve stayed.

Eliza, who had been reluctantly eavesdropping with Victoria, claimed “that’s how you know, too, when you care about each other when you start arguing like this.” And man, somebody has to talk to that woman about healthy male-female relationships.

So Aaron and Genevieve are back together for now and apparently so are a lot of other couples according to next Monday’s promo. But then something “heartbreaking” happens that has even Brandon and Serene crying.

So guess I’ll unpack my metaphorical suitcase and stay, even though I’m sure “Bachelor in Paradise” doesn’t love any of us.

You can watch next next Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Bachelor in Paradise recap: Shanae gets dumped, Kate gloats

October 26, 2022 / Debra Yeo

Serene Russell, Shanae Ankney and Brittany Galvin all had very different receptions waiting
for them when they got back to Playa Escondida. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

I don’t enjoy math so I was never going to be keen on “Geometry Beach.” But here’s one formula I can wrap my head around: the greater the minutes of filler relative to the actual happenings on “Bachelor in Paradise” the more boring the episode.

And man, was Tuesday’s episode a stinker! Ostensibly it was going to be the . . . most . . . dramatic . . . yet, since the OG women were heading back to the beach and the men who had strayed were going to have to explain themselves, but most of what we got was endless commentary before, during and after the breakups/reconciliations.

I mean, seriously, this is why we’re being made to endure two episodes a week? For all this filler? And we’re not even getting another rose ceremony until sometime next week?

Hopefully I’m not going to bore you as much as the producers did, so let’s get to the meat of the matter.

Monday’s episode set up the (non)action to come on Tuesday, laying out the various love (lust) triangles that factored into what Johnny called “Geometry Beach.”

We started with the confrontation between Lace and Rodney. Lace, you might recall from last week, had hitched a ride from the Estates at Vidanta to Playa Escondida to check up on her man, who was out on a date with Eliza.

There was no “Hurricane Lace” or “Lacifer,” despite the buildup. Rodney gave Lace the bad news that he had moved on as gently and apologetically as he could. Lace was sad, she cried, she went home, end of story.

So why is this show painting the women as forces of destruction for, uh, showing emotions?

Back at the Vidanta, the other exiled women learned from host Jesse Palmer that Lace had “left Paradise forever” — so she won’t be parachuted back in as a plot device then? — and those six were quizzed about whether they were open to exploring new connections with the five new men.

Turns out Victoria was interested in exploring things with Alex and Brittany was into Tyler. And for reasons I can’t fathom — maybe ABC has some deal with its Australian counterparts? — the women deemed Adam from “Bachelorette Australia” worthy of sticking around. But they had zero interest in Rick and Olu, so those two got sent home.

Shanae was also attracted to Tyler — she wanted to take him to the boom boom room, after all — but also claimed to still be thinking about Logan.

Logan, however, sure didn’t seem to be thinking about Shanae. Not only had he gone on a very kissy face date with Sarah, he had now developed a “groundbreaking” connection with Kate. How, you might ask, since Kate seemed to be attached at the lips and the crotch to Jacob? Why, a 1:23 a.m. conversation on one of the beach beds.

So when a date card magically appeared for Kate, she took “sweet baby Jacob” for a talk and confessed that she was more into Logan. Poor Sarah didn’t get the courtesy of a talk from Logan until after Kate had invited him on the date in front of everybody.

And speaking of magical date cards, Victoria got one too and used it to explore Alex, a.k.a. “every girl’s fucking dream.”

Alex Bordyukov and Victoria Fuller talked about future offspring on their date.

The main points of interest seemed to be that Alex wasn’t frightened away by Victoria’s contention that she wanted five kids (!) and that Alex had rubbed Victoria’s head as she was dozing on the couch.

“Physical touch is my love language,” she said. And if one more person uses the phrase “love language” I’m gonna barf.

Speaking of touch, Brittany and Tyler went on a “date” of their own by the pool that involved lots of smooching. So the stage was set for various awkward reunions back at the beach.

We saw Genevieve and Aaron reconnect first and why did we spend so much time on this one? We already knew they had stayed true to each other, so whatever.

Then we had an inordinate amount of “heads are gonna roll” scene-setting for Shanae’s reunion with Logan and guess what, they didn’t.

Sure, Shanae was upset to hear that Logan felt more “heard and seen” by Kate, but why wouldn’t she be? And when Logan tried to blame his pursuit of Kate on Shanae hurting his feelings with her dalliance with James she was well within her rights to ask why he hadn’t expressed that hurt at the time. Damn straight she walked away without giving Logan a hug.

For Logan and Kate to then rub salt in the wound by slobbering over each other in full sight of Shanae and everyone else, as the other cast members cheered them on, was disrespectful and insensitive.

Shanae’s new best friend Genevieve — and by extension, the producers — talked Shanae into having another go at Logan. The idea was obviously to make it seem like Shanae 2.0 was reverting back into the bully we saw on Clayton’s “Bachelor” season.

Look, I’m not going to defend Shanae’s behaviour back then. I was disgusted by it, particularly her mockery of Elizabeth’s ADHD, but she wasn’t bullying anybody on the beach on Tuesday.

Kate, who seems to really like the sound of her own voice, was the one gloating over how she had triumphed over Shanae. She was the one who forced Shanae into a conversation she didn’t want to have. And then we had Aaron’s misogynistic commentary: Shanae was a “Shanaedo” who didn’t belong on the beach; Shanae should be straitjacketed in a padded room; Shanae should be abducted by aliens and taken to a planet that better suited her personality.

All this because she was sad and angry over being rejected for another woman? Did the beach suddenly get transported back into the 19th century or something?

The breakups continued.

After Jacob told Jill she wasn’t the woman for him, she tearfully decided to go home but not without giving viewers a last laugh: “A Lyft driver and you break my fucking heart. He sold his couch for cash and I fucking cried over him,” she said as the SUV of Shame pulled away.

Brittany and Andrew had a very civilized conversation, agreeing to part ways to purse Tyler and Jessenia, respectively.

Thankfully, we finally got to see Serene reunite with Brandon and it was as adorable and heart-swelling as it needed to be. They told each other they loved each other and can we just skip to the end where these two get engaged already?

That left Victoria and Johnny, who claimed to be falling for Victoria and looked genuinely stricken when she told him about her date with Alex.

There then followed a long, circular conversation about how Alex checked boxes for Victoria, whether Victoria did or didn’t have a list of requirements for Johnny to fulfil, and whether Johnny was or wasn’t ready for an engagement, not to mention marriage and a family, which Victoria wanted, like, yesterday.

I still don’t know the answer after all that talk but heads up! Alex, Tyler and Adam were heading to the beach.

Tyler and Brittany reaffirmed their interest in each other and then there was this weird situation where Jessenia pulled Tyler away for a private chat. And it was totally stupid because we all know that Jessenia likes Andrew. It was meant to support the fiction of a feud between the original women and the new women. And really, producers, really?

Johnny, meanwhile, said he felt sick to his stomach watching Victoria with Alex. Those two went for a talk of their own, also without a resolution. It would seem to be pretty clear cut: if Johnny is unwilling to commit and Alex shares Victoria’s desire to start a family pronto, wouldn’t Alex be Victoria’s match, no matter the quality of the breakfasts with Johnny? Victoria, however, said she was still confused.

It appears that she will stay confused next week. Also, the producers will play a dirty trick on Rodney by bringing Justin back to go on a date with Eliza. I like Justin, but this is what we’re doing now? Bringing back people who didn’t get roses just to cause mayhem?

Also, Hayden and the twins from Rachel’s and Gabby’s season turn up. And why? Nobody cares about the twins, nobody cares about Hayden.

But if you’re still watching, you can tune in next Monday and Tuesday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

‘Bachelor in Paradise’ recap: fresh blood, broken bonds

October 19, 2022 / Debra Yeo

New guys Tyler Norris, Alex Bordyukov, Adam Todd, Rick Leach and Olu Onajide in the “Bachelor
in Paradise” version of Casa Amor. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Welcome to Bachelor in Love Island.

Not content to present the most over-produced season of “Bachelor in Paradise” to date, the franchise masterminds decided to rip off rival show “Love Island” this week.

Instead of that show’s Casa Amor, I give you the Estates at Vidanta, which is where seven of the eight “Paradise” women were shipped while their men stayed at Playa Escondida with five comely new arrivals to tempt them.

But don’t worry, the disconsolate women got five new boy toys of their own to distract them.

Here’s the thing: if I wanted to watch “Love Island” I’d watch “Love Island,” but I don’t because who has that kind of time, plus I tried it and it just didn’t grab me. What I want is to watch people whose faces I recognize and sometimes even like hook up on a beach and maybe emerge from the heat and crabs affianced.

“Paradise” is the only show in the Bachelor franchise that consistently results in engagements, and even marriages and offspring, so why mess with that?

On the other hand, Tuesday’s episode sure zipped by compared to the ridiculousness that was Monday night’s. Up until the fireworks with Peter and Brittany on Monday it was basically like a math exercise as the excess men obsessed over how there were 12 of them and only seven women. (In the end only two men were sent home, Justin and James, since Casey and Peter basically self-eliminated and Michael got saved; more on that later.)

At the very least on Tuesday, it was interesting to see who stayed true to their OG connections — hello Brandon, Johnny and Aaron — and who couldn’t wait to sample the fresh blood, with their “new beach Paradise smell,” as Johnny put it.

Jacob, for instance, despite claiming to have “something real” with Jill, wasted little time getting mouth to mouth and crotch to crotch with newcomer Kate from Clayton’s “Bachelor” season.

Andrew and Logan at least put up a little resistance before smooching Jessenia (Matt’s season) and Sarah (Clayton’s season), respectively.

Rodney was clearly thrilled to see Eliza, also from Clayton’s season, who was on his list of women he wanted to meet in Paradise, a list that I presume poor Lace did not make. By the time Rodney and Eliza went off on their date they were in the running for cutest couple on the beach. Sorry, Brandon and Serene.

(The fifth newcomer was Florence from “Bachelor in Paradise Australia,” but nobody’s going to pursue her. If they wanted to parachute in people from other spinoffs, hello, “Bachelor in Paradise Canada”! Your neighbours to the north.)

From left, Victoria, Jill, Brittany, Genevieve, Shanae, Lace and Serene in their new digs.

The women at Casa Vidanta played harder to get despite the hunkiness of their newbies: Tyler from Gabby and Rachel Recchia’s season; Olu and Rick from Michelle’s season; Alex from Rachel Lindsay’s season — speaking of “Bachelor in Paradise Canada,” yo, Alex — and Adam from “Bachelorette Australia.”

But Jill and Lace were practically prostrate with grief over leaving Jacob and Rodney. Genevieve and Serene were resolutely sticking with Aaron and Brandon, and Victoria was staying true to Johnny, for now anyway. So that left Brittany and Shanae, who both zeroed in on a very ripped Tyler.

Brittany got in the first kiss; Shanae invited him on the first date, one of those stupid tantric yoga things. But her plans to take him to the boom boom room were foiled when Jill stopped by for a whinge. Nice job, producers!

Lace, meanwhile, after nearly crying her false eyelashes off, caught an SUV over to the Playa — funny how easily the “you have to stay away for a week” rule is broken for the sake of drama — to check up on her fella.

As the episode ended — To Be Continued, dontcha know — it looked like “Hurricane Lace” was about to break when she spied Rodney and Eliza, still giddy from their one-on-one, walking down the steps to the beach hand in hand.

But seriously, should you really expect monogamy from someone you’ve known for mere days?

I love to see bona fide couples emerge from “Paradise” but in the incestuous world of “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” alumni, these cast members are hitting the beach with wish lists in hand and taking roses wherever they can get ’em just to stay in play.

Rodney seems like a genuinely nice guy who wouldn’t purposely hurt anybody, but did anyone really look at him and Lace together and think happily ever after? Same goes for Jill, who had one (nude) date with Jacob, and Brittany, who did little more with Andrew than smooch him on a beach bed.

I’m a wee bit surprised that Johnny and Victoria, and Aaron and Genevieve are as solid as they seem (next week’s dalliance between Victoria and Alex notwithstanding), but I probably wouldn’t be if we got to see more footage of them together instead of wasting our time on distractions like Ashley and Jared, and Pizza Pete.

Some observations:

I know we all loved Michael Allio when he was on Katie’s “Bachelorette” season, but that was before he fobbed off Sierra by saying he wasn’t ready to move on from the death of his wife. I’m sorry, but if you’re not ready to move on what the hell are you doing on a beach full of hotties in black bar-inducing bikinis? Michael is clearly the producers’ golden boy because why else would they parachute in Danielle from Nick’s season, someone whose DMs he happened to have slid into, just before a rose ceremony that was going to send Michael home? He was still expressing doubts about moving on during his one-on-one with Danielle, who seems like a perfectly nice, sensible woman, but decided she was “scarred” enough for him to date, having lost her fiancé to a drug overdose. She was the only woman spared removal to Casa Vidanta, since she and Michael were still out on their date when the switcheroo took place — another bit of favouritism that gives Michael better odds of bonding with her.

There was no reason to bring “Pizza Pete” from Michelle’s season to the beach other than to stir up drama. The pepperoni narcissist is so clearly not husband material I’m surprised he got anyone to date him, but Brittany took the bullet and then, because she didn’t want to kiss his smug face, got derided as a “clout chaser.” This from the guy who’s consistently used his time on the franchise to talk up his pizza chain. It was rather delicious watching Brittany and Jill, and a few of the guys, hound him off the beach after Casey spilled the beans that he’d been trash talking Brittany. Did Casey really do that because he thought it would get him a rose? Of course not. It was more producer interference. Casey passed out when the hubbub got to be too much for him, apparently seriously injuring his foot, it should be noted, but you have to admit: being carted off in an ambulance is a way more memorable exit than slinking off after you fail to get a rose.

Who the hell thought Ashley and Jared deserved a multi-episode arc and even a spot in the opening theme song? They are NOT a “Paradise” success story so why are they being held up as one? As I recall, Jared basically left Ashley crying her infamous tears during two seasons of “Paradise” and then strung her along a while longer until she started dating Kevin Wendt after “Bachelor Winter Games” and that’s when he decided he wanted to be with her. To let them eat up precious air time that could have gone to this season’s developing couples was a travesty; to pretend they needed to come to Mexico to rekindle their sex life a farce. If they want to bonk, let them ship their kid off to grandma like normal married people and stay the hell out of the boom boom room.

One thing not in abundance this season are roses. With just two ceremonies in — yikes! – seven episodes and nine more episodes to go, it’s going to be a long fall, especially if we have to endure more over-produced nonsense. But being a sucker for punishment I will recap the rest of the season, starting with next week’s episodes, airing Monday and Tuesday at 8 p.m. on Citytv.

But I’m not enough of a sucker to write two weekly recaps, so I’ll do both in one go, posting Wednesday mornings. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Men tell nada on Bachelorette but here’s a free cruise

August 30, 2022 / Debra Yeo

Host Jesse Palmer prepares for a night of nonsense on “The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grab Craig Sjodin/ABC

Monday’s “The Bachelorette: Men Tell All” not only jumped the shark — it climbed on its back and did laps in a pool of man tears and pasta sauce.

What the hell was that?

It’s not that I was expecting fireworks. The men got along too well for that, plus the two contestants who displayed the most misogynistic behaviour — Chris Austin and Hayden Markowitz — were absent.

But I wasn’t expecting the usual inanities to be padded with so much filler, including a promo for Virgin Voyages, complete with free champagne and free cruises for everyone in the audience; an extended promo for “Bachelor in Paradise” with four cast members invited to the hot seat; an even more extended promo for the gay rom-com “Bros” with stars Billy Eichner and Luke Macfarlane onstage, culminating in Meatball dumping a giant jar of pasta sauce all over himself — because it wasn’t gross enough when he did it earlier in the season.

Meanwhile, poor Aven’s hometown date — “unfinished business,” as host Jesse Palmer called it — got 13 or 14 minutes at the top of the episode before the show moved on to, well, not much of anything.

Aven and Rachel get a love spell in the Crow Haven Corner witch shop.

About Aven’s date with Rachel in Salem, Massachusetts: naturally there had to be something witchcraft-related, so we had a segment involving a “love witch” named Lorelei (with the best accent ever) casting a love spell for Aven and Rachel that ended with the table top and candles sliding to the floor. A bad omen? Not for the meet-the-parents part of the date.

Rachel, still smarting from last week‘s smackdown from Tino’s parents, was nervous that Aven’s folks wouldn’t like her since they hadn’t been keen on his previous two girlfriends. But, unlike Joe and Sandi, A.J. and Dawn managed to ask Rachel tough questions without belittling her and her emotions.

Rachel reassured skeptical A.J. that she and Aven had talked about what real life would look like beyond the show, including raising kids and accommodating each other’s jobs. And when A.J. asked if she was “earnestly, sincerely, wholeheartedly ready to commit to love with Aven,” she answered honestly that she was not, although she did see a future with him.

Both A.J. and Dawn were sold. “Don’t stop fighting for her, man, because she’s a good catch,” A.J. told Aven.

Aven took the advice, telling Rachel he was falling in love with her, which seemed to delight her. She said in her voice-over that she felt like she was falling in love with Aven, too. “This could be my happy ending.”

We know that Aven at least made it to the fantasy suites, since Jesse told us that Rachel and Gabby each kept their remaining three men (Aven, Tino and Zach for Rachel; Erich, Jason and Johnny for Gabby) at the rose ceremony. No surprise there since there are always three fantasy suite dates, hence no need to send anyone home. But surely producers could have taken a couple of minutes away from shilling for Virgin or “Bros” to show us the rose ceremony.

What can I say about what happened after that?

Well, we had newly platinum blond Roby (insert your “Twilight”/”Harry Potter”/”House of the Dragon” reference here) acting like he’d been on the show for weeks instead of hours, chastising Meatball for rejecting Rachel’s rose then deciding he liked her after all. “If you’re more into Rachel, then say that, be that, do that, man up. Have some balls, Meatball!” (Do you think he rehearsed that?)

When Ethan tried to interject and Roby told him to shut the fuck up, Ethan put him in his place: ” You were there at the mansion for four hours for a reason, have some respect for the rest of us who had genuine feelings,” i.e. don’t be a baby back bitch!

Logan Palmer in the luke warm seat on “Men Tell All.”

With neither Chris nor Hayden there to fall on their swords — “cowardly,” Mario said of Hayden’s absence — we had to settle for the other men rehashing what they said and did. But Logan was there, trying to look contrite so we won’t all hate him when we see him on “Paradise.”

Blah, blah, blah, Logan was following his heart. He didn’t intentionally mislead Rachel. He wasn’t sorry he pursued Gabby; he just wished he’d done it in “a more graceful way.”

Not a word was spoken about how he became the only one of the men to get COVID-19 on the cruise ship (allegedly) and why he disappeared without an exit interview.

And then we had the Virgin Voyages plug and the cruise giveaway that Jesse said was “going to change your lives forever.” It’s a vacation, Jesse. At least Oprah gave her audience cars, which could in theory be life-changing.

Jesse gave Nate Mitchell a chance to address social media allegations of being a playa.

Next up, Nate got the “new Bachelor” edit.

Look, I really enjoyed Nate on the show. I was sorry he got sent home. And he was a model of empathetic, emotionally intelligent manhood in his time in the hot seat with Jesse. But is that enough to overcome the taint of a cheating accusation on social media? I’m not convinced.

“Real men hold other men accountable,” Nate said of Chris earlier in the show. Jesse duly asked Nate to address the social media allegations that a) he kept his daughter a secret from a woman he had an 18-month relationship with and b) he dated two women at once.

Nate blamed the trauma of his divorce for him wanting to protect his daughter from “the instability of my dating life” and said he was “deeply sorry for the way I acted” in the case of the two women, adding, “I pray that you forgive the man that I was because I’m not that same person.”

I would have loved a deeper dive into that apology. How unstable was his dating life? What made him change? Did he get therapy? But nah, got to make sure we have enough time for games with the cast of “Bros.”

Next we had the “Bachelor in Paradise” promo, with cast members Serene (Clayton’s season), Genevieve (ditto), Victoria (Peter’s season) and Andrew (Katie’s season) there to assure that it really will be “the most dramatic season” ever. I’m still pissed that Shanae will be there but OK, fine, I’ll be watching.

Gabby Windey and Rachel Recchia, still as close-knit as ever.

Finally, Rachel and Gabby made their appearance. Their friendship continues to be the best thing about this season.

Sure, Gabby put Mario in his place when he suggested she did him wrong; Jordan V absolved Rachel of any guilt over sending him home on their first date; Gabby accepted an apology from a choked up Jacob for telling her he would have gone home if she was the only woman there; Rachel got a tepid non-apology from Logan and was assured of the undying admiration of hometown castoff Tyler, who told her she did everything “perfectly”; and Gabby commended Nate for being “a leader for all the men and for how well you treat women.” (Another sign that Nate is likely going to be the next Bachelor.)

But Gabby’s and Rachel’s obvious affection and respect for each other was the real payoff. “You need to know just how proud I am of the two of you,” Jesse told them, which was the most sensible thing he said all night.

Finally, Billy Eichner and Luke Macfarlane took the stage to promote their movie “Bros.” Billy, of course, is the dude who told Colton Underwood during his season he might be the “first gay Bachelor” a couple of years before Colton came out.

Jesse Palmer demonstrates the correct reaction to Meatball getting doused in pasta sauce . . . again.

Billy’s other moment of Bachelor franchise infamy involved presenting a special gift to Meatball of a giant jar of pasta sauce to pour over himself and then getting tackled by a slimy Meatball.

And if this franchise thinks stupid stunts like that are what the show’s fans want, shark-jumping is going to be a regular occurrence.

We continue to plod toward what Jesse claims is going to be a “shocking ending nobody is gonna see coming.” But first, fantasy suites and more tears.

You can watch Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, catch me on Twitter or chat on my Facebook page.

It’s a bust for all but one couple on Bachelor in Paradise Canada

December 12, 2021 / Debra Yeo

“Bachelor in Paradise Canada” came to an end Sunday, but it will be back for another season.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos courtesy of Citytv

I guess Brendan Morgan was on to something.

I was skeptical about his contention that going on a date with someone else, i.e. Maria, wouldn’t minimize the relationship he already had, i.e. with Angela.

But when the closed sign went up at Camp Paradise in Sunday’s episode, Brendan M and Angela Amezcua were the only couple left standing.

Kamil Nicalek and Caitlin Clemmens imploded — or maybe that should be imploded even more — after a night in the fantasy suite.

And Brendan Scanzano, the most faithful man in Paradise, who had eyes only for Illeana Pennetto since Day 1, walked away single. He and Illeana didn’t even make it to the fantasy suite. Go figure.

Angela Amezcua and Brendan Morgan puts roses but not a ring on it.

And what about an engagement, the supposed raison d’être of any Paradise season? It was a goose egg on that count. Brendan M and Angela exchanged final roses, but he didn’t put a ring on it, as had been teased.

(Brendan and Angela explain why they didn’t get engaged, among other things, in a story I wrote for the Toronto Star, which you can find here.)

Nonetheless, the couple have moved to Toronto together and had just signed a lease on a place when “After the Final Rose” taped in the fall. So congrats to them and may they follow in the footsteps of Angela’s friend Astrid Loch and her Canadian fiancé and baby daddy Kevin Wendt. And does this mean Toronto is now a “Bachelor” hot spot?

But let’s backtrack to the last day in Paradise.

If I had to pick one couple besides Brendan and Angela to end up in a fantasy suite, it would not have been Kamil and Caitlin.

The finale picked up where we left off last week, with Kamil freaking out because, um, Caitlin was asking him questions?

Yeah, according to Kamil, Caitlin was not asking questions in a “normal” way and was “not the same Caitlin you were three hours ago” — by which I guess he meant one who was seen but not heard.

“Now I feel like a terrible person for asking all of that,” Caitlin told a producer and ugh. All of that being, you know, annoying details like how she and Kamil would keep in touch when he was back in New York and she was in Toronto.

“I don’t need to reassure you every single day, I don’t need to hold your hand,” Kamil groused.

“I just need a man who can fucking use his brain and answer the questions,” Caitlin replied.

Yes, right answer! Alas, when Kamil suggested they continue the discussion in private, Caitlin went to the fantasy suite with him.

Caitlin Clemmens and Kamil Nicalek say their goodbyes in Paradise.

But after what she described as “an absolute nightmare of an evening,” Caitlin and Kamil approached the final rose palapa where, despite Kamil expressing “strong” feelings for Caitlin and Caitlin saying she’d leave her heart with Kamil, they broke up.

Still, as he left, Kamil said he wanted to get back what he and Caitlin had in Paradise. More later on how that turned out.

And then there were Brendan S and Illeana.

Brendan said he was eager to do “awesome things” with Illeana, but she said she didn’t know enough about him and what he wanted to move forward — yes, despite all those days they spent with only each other on the beach.

“I feel like there’s a lot you don’t tell me,” she said. “You keep it very surface level.”

And also: “I very much did fall in love with you. Maybe I fell in love with you the way a teenager falls in love at a summer camp.” Ouch.

Saying that going to the fantasy suite would only hurt Brendan S more, the “adult” Illeana packed up and left. “I’m just not ready,” she said as she and Brendan exchanged a tearful hug.

Well, that was a downer.

Thank goodness for Brendan M and Angela. They woke up in the fantasy suite smiling. The sun was shining. Their date was “amazing.” He let Angela put moisturizer on his face, even though it burned. If that doesn’t scream “this couple is taking it to the real world,” what does?

Angela Amezcua and Brendan Morgan seal their partnership with a smooch.

Energetic, upbeat music played as we watched Angela and Brendan walk to the final rose palapa. And yes, OK, it wasn’t an engagement, but it was still sweet.

“I feel like I’ve always known you,” Angela told him. “Falling in love with you has just been effortless, so easy.”

Brendan said Angela was beautiful and smart and kind and funny — “sometimes,” which made her laugh.

“Rain or shine, so long as I’m with you I’m in Paradise,” he said.

Awwwwwww.

And with that, Camp Paradise was closed. So how’d everything go out in the real world?

“After the Final Rose” campers with bartender Kevin Wendt and host Jesse Jones.

Sixteen of the 27 cast members showed up to share with host Jesse Jones. And I confess I was charmed by how Jesse had a personal greeting for every single one of them.

So what did we learn?

Well, let’s skip the small talk with Chris Kotelmach and David Pinard and Lisa Mancini, as much as I love Lisa, and get to the juicy bit: Joey Kirchner and Vay Paquette.

You’ll recall we last saw Joey and Vay leaving Paradise together apparently on their way to a happily ever after as well as to Joey’s friend’s wedding in Alberta. Well, Vay never made it to either of those.

Vay Paquette and Joey Kirchner vying for unhappiest couple out of Paradise.

It was all very he said, she said. Vay didn’t go to the wedding because she got in her head and things were moving too fast, she said. But Joey moved to Toronto, apparently as Vay’s boyfriend, and said he caught her in a bar sitting on a guy’s lap with said guy’s hand on her ass. Vay insisted the dude was just a friend. He called bullshit.

Joey also said Vay told him she was breaking up with him because he couldn’t afford to provide her with the type of lifestyle to which she had become accustomed.

Oh, and she and her friends supposedly talked shit about him in the lobby of the hotel where he works, overhead by a friend of his who was serving them, Joey said. She was allegedly planning to cover her ass by saying either that Joey had a girlfriend during filming, that he was an actor or that he was gay.

Joey pulled papers out of his jacket that he said were screenshots of text messages she sent him with that last accusation, although he didn’t read them aloud.

At that point, Vay stormed off the stage.

The very uncomfortable exchange ended, at Jesse’s urging, with them hugging and kind of making up.

“You just deserve better,” Vay whispered to him.

“I wish it could have been me for you,” he whispered back.

It’s not for me to say who’s telling the truth, although if Joey was lying they were really detailed lies. But I can’t help but marvel at him getting blown off by the woman who put him through hell just because he talked to and about a friend of his who happened to be female. Pretty sure I never saw Maria on his lap with Joey’s hand on her ass.

Next in the unhappy couple parade were Kamil and Caitlin.

I don’t want to belabour this because I don’t think Kamil is worth the typing. But Caitlin said she went to New York to try to make things work and Kamil broke up with her by text message, which Caitlin called “really cowardly.”

So it wasn’t exactly breaking up with someone on TV a la Annaliese, but it was close enough.

Note to whoever is casting “Bachelor in Paradise” Season 2: Please don’t invite Kamil back.

Illeana Pennetto and Brendan Scanzano still had smiles for each other.

Things were a little more optimistic for Brendan S and Illeana. No, they aren’t together, but they said they still have love for each other. “It just wasn’t our time, but hey, it could be in the future,” she said.

Angela and Brendan M also got to sit in the hot seat, where the big reveal was the fact they had just signed a lease, although Brendan joked that Angela was pregnant, which was the source of all those shocked faces you saw in the promo, but no, no, she’s not.

Angela and Brendan M are making it work in the real world, complete with pregnancy jokes.

I am putting great faith in the fact that Brendan wore a flower on his lapel that matched the colour of Angela’s dress.

Finally, it was time for perhaps the biggest reveal of the whole evening. You know how I said that Canadian Paradise didn’t have a boom boom room? Well, it turns out they had a boom boom sauna. Josh described the sauna as “an erotic dungeon.” What did couples get up to in there? Use your imagination, I guess.

But now all the new cast members have some useful information for Season 2. Bartender Kevin Wendt announced that casting is now open at citytv.com and yes, there will be fan contestants again and yes, Kevin will be mixing the drinks.

Before I stop writing, I wanted to give my thoughts on what I thought worked and didn’t work in this inaugural “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” season.

The Cast: It might have seemed like Canada was at a disadvantage not having lots of “Bachelor” alumni to choose from but, in fact, my favourite campers were either people we didn’t get to know well on Canadian “Bachelor” shows (hello, Lisa and Stacy) or people we’d never seen on our TVs before, like Joey, Josh and Jeremy. Which is not to say some of the American cast members weren’t enjoyable, including Alex and Angela.

Editing: Speaking of Alex Bordyukov, how come we saw next to nothing of his relationship with Kit Blaiklock? I would have happily traded some footage of Kamil and Caitlin, say, for glimpses of Alex and Kit. And why bring on a high profile cast member like “Bachelor Canada” winner Bianka Kamber and do nothing with her? I get that she didn’t hook up with anybody, but we could have at least seen her go on a date.

Hosting: Let me just say that Jesse seems like a nice guy, but if he’s coming back for Season 2, I hope he loosens up, let’s his personality shine through and delivers his speeches less like he’s reading off cue cards and more like he’s actually talking to people.

Setting: I think Ontario has advantages over Mexico with its heat and crabs, and the setting was certainly picturesque, especially at night, but there was nothing fantastical about the fantasy suite cabins and some of the dates were really uneventful. Next time, skip the archery and the slip and slide. Maybe just stick to the water sports. Or set up a table and twinkle lights in the theatre and let the campers pretend to eat dinner like on the American show.

I’ll be back to recap “The Bachelorette” Tuesday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. If you want to talk Bachelor with me you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Joey gets his girl, Josh gets rivals on Bachelor in Paradise Canada

November 28, 2021 / Debra Yeo

Joey Kirchner and Vay Paquette share some news on “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos courtesy of Citytv

You could say that Sunday’s “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” was about loyalty and the rewards or consequences thereof.

Joey proved his loyalty to Vay and got to leave Paradise with his girl.

Josh proved his loyalty to Lisa and was rewarded by . . . her going on a date with another guy. Then, when Josh tried to rekindle his flirtation with Maria — yes, she was still around, I’ll explain later — she got scooped up by another newcomer, raising the prospect of Mr. “Bachelor” in Paradise not getting a rose.

I’m skeptical that Josh will get bounced. I mean, look what happened with Maria. Last week’s episode made it seem as though Josh might give her his rose at Lisa’s expense, but he stuck with Lisa.

By rights, Maria should have gone home along with Bianka and Nicole. Iva had already self-eliminated with the words “I had a blast, but I’m peacing out.”

But then, after the final rose, host Jesse Jones reappeared with a final, final rose, a.k.a. “a special rose for a special lady who deserves another shot at love here in Paradise.” It was up to Josh and the other men, including Kamil, Brendan S, Brendan M, Alex, Joey and Mike, to decide who that lady would be and they chose Maria.

Maria Garcia-Sanchez, right, got to stay thanks to a “special” rose; Bianka Kamber, front, had to go.

The cynic in me thinks that had as much to do with Vay’s continuing jealousy of Maria as with second chances, but there we are.

The next day, Joey was in tears after a sleepless night as Vay continued to give him the cold shoulder over the fact he’d left Vay to go to his friend Maria’s cabin and talk her into sticking around.

Once Vay finally agreed to talk it out with Joey he was extremely contrite, even though I don’t think he had a reason to be.

“I don’t want to be the jealous crazy girlfriend . . . but unfortunately that’s how I felt,” said Vay. “I wish I didn’t care when you spoke about another girl,” she said, adding, “If you want to be with me you need to understand that it comes with a lot of baggage.”

Joey understood and was ready to turn himself into a human luggage rack.

“I hate that I’m the reason you felt the way you did yesterday . . . because I love you,” he said.

“I was trying to be a good person for people in need, but you are my No. 1 priority.”

And with that, the deep freeze was over as Joey and Vay smooched and the other campers cheered. More on them later.

In the meantime, a new dude had ambled into Camp Paradise: 27-year-old engineer and firefighter trainee Connor Rogers from Toronto. And he was Lisa’s type, “a mix between Owen Wilson, Prince Harry and Bradley Cooper,” as she put it.

Connor had the good fortune of arriving just after all the men had disappeared to play basketball, but I doubt Lisa would have been dissuaded from accepting his date even if Josh had been around. She did spare a thought for Josh, however, saying, “If I have a great time with Connor I will actually be worrying about Josh because then I’ll have a hard decision to make.”

Lisa Mancini was vibing with Connor Rogers and I don’t even know if he likes Hawaiian pizza.

Well, wouldn’t you know that the date allowed Lisa, a renowned friend to rodents, to channel her “inner squirrel” on a ropes course? And, more importantly, when she and Connor got to the drinks-on-a-couch part of the date, Lisa opened up to him about the death of her father in 2020, something she said she hadn’t shared with anybody else.

“I’m, like, hopeful that we can keep pursuing this,” Connor said before they shared a kiss, one that Lisa said left her feeling sparks whereas kissing Josh felt “more like a friend.”

Oh dear.

To her credit, Lisa told Josh what was going on after she and Connor returned to the beach and he was . . . totally cool with it.

“If you really like someone, Lisa, I want you to explore that here, honestly,” Josh told her. “I’m in your corner. Whether I’m with you or I’m cheering for you, I’ve got your back.”

How sweet is that?

And the silver lining was that Josh could now explore his feelings for Maria guilt free. Just before Lisa turned up, Josh and Maria had been hanging out by the fire pit, flirting, and had agreed to get to know each other more.

But then along came Karn Kalra, a 30-year-old actor from Toronto. (His credits include “Tuxedo Man #1” in the Oscar-winning movie “Green Book,” playing Saddam Hussein in “The Dictator’s Playbook” and Agent Folson in “The Hot Zone: Anthrax,” so more than “actor” Chris Sutton on “The Bachelorette.”)

Maria Garcia-Sanchez got to go on another date, this time with newcomer Karn Kalra.

And why wouldn’t Maria go on a date with him? Josh has got to be one of the nicest guys in Camp Paradise, but it’s not like he’d given Maria a rose.

She even seemed to have fun tubing with Karn, despite getting thrown out of the tube at least twice and face-planting once, which didn’t look like it tickled.

Karn scored points with Maria for being close to his mom and he said she “checks a lot of the boxes off.”

Still, Maria went for a walk with Josh when she got back to camp and said she had more in common with him, but she stopped short of letting Josh kiss her, pointing out, “You literally just kissed someone the night before.”

Well, yeah, it’s Paradise. And your point is?

We’ll have to wait till next week to find out if Maria agrees to be Josh’s fourth Paradise lip-lock or goes for the clean slate, a.k.a. Karn.

In the meantime, Joey and Vay solidified their bond with a date that involved roasting weenies and marshmallows next to a mini trailer called a Happier Camper (honestly, the product placement on this show is intense).

Vay Paquette goes cowgirl for her honey Joey Kirchner on their date.

Vay showed up in a cropped gingham top, jean short shorts, cowboy boots and a cowboy hat, which Joey said made him “happy in a bunch of places.”

“Whoever thought the guy walking in in the pink Speedo would be this amazing man?” said Vay.

We knew that Joey had “something big” to tell Vay, but he’d already popped the L-word and it seemed early for an engagement. It turned out Joey had to leave Paradise for Alberta that night to be best man at his friend’s wedding and he wanted Vay to come with him and meet his family.

“Will you be my plus one?” he asked.

“Of course I’ll come with you,” she replied.

So Joey and Vay rode off into the night after exchanging heartfelt hugs with their cast mates. Damn it, I’m going to miss you, Joey!

Now let’s talk about the other couple who dropped an L-bomb. That would be Brendan S and Illeana.

Brendan Scanzano hasn’t wavered in his devotion to Illeana Pennetto.

Brendan has only had eyes for Illeana since Day 1 so it shouldn’t be a huge surprise that he was talking about getting engaged and asking Illeana for her favourite ring style (princess cut or radius cut, which she had to explain to Brendan).

Illeana appeared to be less gung ho than Brendan, saying that he’d run head first into an engagement without thinking about how things would work outside Paradise, but when Brendan told her he loved her, she replied, “I know you do and I love you too.”

And then there were Kamil and Caitlin.

Caitlin Clemmens and Kamil Nicalek. Is she really having doubts or are producers just messin’?

Kamil planned a surprise for Caitlin with blankets, bubbly and a basket of clementines in honour of the nickname he gave her. And they seemed to be on the same wavelength as far as wanting to be in a committed relationship and yet . . . Caitlin kept expressing doubts: about whether Kamil would “step up” when they were a plane ride away from each other; whether he’d call it quits like he did with Annaliese on U.S. “Bachelor in Paradise”; whether she herself would overcome her instinct to cut and run to avoid getting hurt.

It’s hard to tell if these are genuine obstacles or just editing to make it seem like Caitlin and Kamil won’t leave Paradise together.

In any event, it seems like shit is about to get real, or as real as it can anyway, next week. It seems the committed couples are having serious chats ahead of the last rose ceremony. And it look like there will actually be a rose ceremony. And then Jesse shakes things up by announcing fantasy suites.

Yes, definitely a shakeup considering this has been probably the most chaste season in “Bachelor in Paradise” history.

You can tune in next Sunday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And don’t forget “Bachelor After Show: After Paradise” at 9:30 p.m. If you want to talk Paradise with me you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Bachelor in Paradise ends with proposals, despite visit from ex

October 6, 2021 / Debra Yeo

The cast of “Bachelor in Paradise” with guest host Wells Adams before the couples started
dropping like flies. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

We mostly got the ending we deserved on “Bachelor in Paradise.”

The pandemic-delayed seventh season finished with the two best couples on the beach engaged — along with a third that, let’s admit it, we were all skeptical about — but not before an idiotic bit of production trickery that was a truly lame attempt to inject drama into the overlong finale.

Kendall Long had absolutely no business being on the beach the day her ex, Joe Amabile, got engaged to Serena Pitt. But there she was, walking down the stairs and onto the platform where Joe was waiting for Serena, delivering a gratuitous speech about how she’d come to Paradise to fully let go of Joe, blah, blah, blah, and now she was “really excited” for him and Serena.

“I felt I couldn’t leave this beach without fully expressing that to you,” Kendall said.

Kendall Long has one final, ridiculous talk with Joe Amabile.

Well, she could have and, in fact, had left the beach already. Whether her return was her idea or the producers’ — I’m going with the latter — it was tawdry and ridiculous.

To add insult to injury, after Kendall left, Joe grimaced and walked away from the platform while the newly engaged Kenny and Mari, watching from above, speculated that Kendall’s visit had put Joe off proposing. I’d like to think Joe walked away to collect himself because he was pissed at the producers, but I’m guessing it was all part of the script, the one that was supposed to make us think that Joe and Serena might not end up together.

Here’s the thing: while the drama is certainly part of the Paradise experience, at the end of it all we want love and a promise of marriage. And we got to see some beautiful, touching, tear-inducing moments between Joe and Serena, Kenny and Mari, and Riley and Maurissa as they all confirmed their love for each other, respectively, on their fantasy suite dates.

And then we watched Kenny and Mari, and Riley and Maurissa get engaged. Joe and Serena seemed so head over heels there could be no doubt that they were about to do the same thing, which is why trying to make it look like Joe’s ex was going to come between them was insulting, cynical and pointless.

After eight weeks of villains and triangles and quadrangles and jerks who were only there to jack their social media followings, we deserved to bask in the reflected glow of the couples who made it to the end without a last ditch bit of production nonsense.

Kenny Braasch, Mari Pepin-Solis, Serena Pitt, Joe Amabile, Maurissa Gunn and Riley Christian
celebrate their engagements on the “Bachelor in Paradise” finale

And the episode did not need to be three hours long, especially since it didn’t include an “After the Final Rose” segment. We had to settle for captions on a video recap of the season that told us the three engaged pairs were still together.

And what of the others who coupled up during the season?

We already knew that Noah Erb and Abigail Heringer were breaking up after last week’s episode. The start of this week’s belaboured the point by showing more of Noah’s and Abigail’s teary parting, with each declaring they weren’t each other’s “person.” Except, we found out later that they’ve started seeing each other again and are taking things “slowly.”

At the next night’s rose ceremony, Thomas and Becca, James and Anna, Aaron and Tia, and Ed and Mykenna agreed to stick together (leaving Chelsea and Natasha to go home alone). Since the latter three pairs had been hanging out for mere days, if not hours, it can’t have come as a shock that they all broke up after Dean Unglert and Caelynn Miller-Keyes — yep, they’re what now passes for a Paradise success story — told them the next day that, essentially, they had to shit or get off the pot with fantasy suites happening that night.

Ed seemed to really want that fantasy suite. Mykenna told him three times that she just wasn’t that into him before he finally stopped trying to MacGyver a relationship between them.

Anna went more quickly after James told her her couldn’t see them falling in love. But James didn’t leave alone. He took his bromantic partner Aaron with him — after Aaron perpetrated what might be the speediest breakup in Paradise history.

“I know we’ve hung out the last couple of days,” he told Tia. “It’s been great and I actually care about you, but James is waiting right now. We’re about to bounce.”

Aaron Clancy and James Bonsall, who should have been voted most likely to live happily ever after.

And bounce they did, happily riding off in the same van.

“I love you, bro,” said James.

“Dude, that’s facts. How do I feel about you, bro?” replied Aaron.

“You’re my world, bro,” whispered James.

Apparently, they’re now roommates and BFFs, so whoever says you can’t find love on a “Bachelor” show is misinformed.

And then there were Thomas and Becca. Thomas was gung ho to take their relationship outside Paradise, telling Becca, “When I Iook at you, everything inside me screams I’m falling in love with you.” But Becca said their connection seemed too good to be true and she couldn’t leave with someone she didn’t fully know.

Thomas Jacobs and Becca Kufrin made it past the last rose ceremony but not the fantasy suites.

I know lots of people have accused Thomas of being fake, but he cried what looked to me like real tears after Becca dumped him, begging her in seeming anguish to “Let me go!” when she ran after him for a final hug. According to the end-of-episode montage, Becca later had a change of heart and they’re now dating and in love.

There was nothing left then but for the final three couples to have their fantasy suite dates and lay the groundwork for the next day’s proposals with the requisite voice-overs about potential cold feet.

The highlights include:

Serena telling Joe she was in love with him and Joe mock-protesting “I was gonna say that later. You’re saying that now?” Serena crying happy tears in her confessional explaining how she felt about Joe. And Joe tearing up when he told Serena that the night they said they were falling in love with each other meant more to him “than anything that’s ever happened to me.”

Oh, and Joe telling Serena he was into her smile, her charm, her looks and her “Toronto accent.”

Riley telling Maurissa about a fantasy he’d had since he was 21 of waking up on a Sunday morning with his wife and daughter, then telling Maurissa, “When I see you, I see Sunday morning.” And during the proposal, Riley and Maurissa confessing they’d fallen in love with each other on their first date.

And even with Kenny and Mari there were sweet moments, notwithstanding that at one point this season Kenny was having sex with Demi and dating Tia at the same time. As he said to Mari during his proposal, “We were tested like no other couple in Paradise.” And his hand shook endearingly as he put the Neil Lane ring on Mari’s finger.

When all was said and done, it was a lovely end to the season. If my favourite couple, Joe and Serena, rewatch it, I’d just fast-forward through the bit with Kendall.

There was one other update that seemed to cheer fans on Twitter.

Wannabe influencers Brendan Morais and Pieper James, we were told, “are laying low,” while the woman Brendan strung along, Natasha Parker, “has over 460,000 followers on Instagram.”

As for me, I’ll be back recapping “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” starting next week — it airs Oct. 10 at 8 p.m. on Citytv — and the new season of “The Bachelorette” the week after that.

You can visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Tag: Bachelor in Paradise (Page 1 of 2)

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