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Tag: Bachelor in Paradise Canada recap (Page 1 of 2)

Bachelor in Paradise Canada: couples implode on the beach

July 3, 2023 /
Yes, two new women hit the beach: Marilyn Smith and Krissy Kennedy. Neither will be here for a long time, as the theme song says, perhaps not even a good time. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Citytv

Is it still summer where you are? I think winter is coming on “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.”

There was a melancholy, elegiac feel to Sunday’s episode, the second last of the season — maybe even the show as a whole?

Couples were breaking up, people were leaving. Part of the impetus for Paradise falling apart, to use Lisa’s words, was the arrival of two new women: fan contestants Marilyn Smith and Krissy Kennedy, 20-somethings from Toronto and Vancouver respectively.

It is laughable, of course, to believe that anyone arriving at this stage of the game stands a chance in hell of finding “love,” let alone any kind of viable connection. The point is to stir shit up, because god forbid we have an episode where we just watch people who are into each other making out and hanging with their friends.

So Marilyn and Krissy arrived with date cards in hand and a bit of attitude — Krissy: “I am a part-time student and a full-time bad bitch.” OK, yawn — and quickly asked Connor and Matia to go on dates with them.

There were two narratives at play here: one, that despite Lisa finally being all in on Connor, he would ditch her for Marilyn; two, that Matia would lean fully into his f-boy reputation and dump Celine for Krissy, despite having just spent the night in the boom boom room with the former.

The first was ridiculous. Look, I’m not going to pretend I know what was going through Connor’s mind. Yes, Marilyn seemed like a nice enough woman and I imagine going jet-skiing together would be fun, which is the underwhelming adjective that Connor kept using to describe Marilyn. But the whole “I want to get to know her a little bit more” plot line reeked of producer manipulation.

Connor Brennan gets to know Marilyn Smith after their “fun” jet-ski date.

Maybe Connor did kiss Marilyn (repeatedly according to her) because he was subconsciously trying to push Lisa away and avoid getting hurt, but Marilyn never seemed like a genuine threat to his relationship with Lisa.

That impression was sealed during a conversation between Connor and Marilyn that was singularly lacking in chemistry and depth. In between the awkward pauses, Marilyn told Connor she had come to the beach hoping to find love, but she had never had a relationship, apparently because no one she had dated had met her high bar.

Connor said that was a red flag. Ya think?

So Connor went back to Lisa, telling her of Marilyn, “That ain’t it.” Tell us something we didn’t already know.

We can, however, perhaps finally bury once and for all the bad rap against Connor’s kissing skills laid on him by Bachelorette Katie Thurston. “Connor is a good kisser,” Marilyn said. And yes, it’s been said before, including by an audience plant at a “Men Tell All,” but a Canadian wouldn’t lie about it, would they?

As for Matia and Krissy, it seemed initially that all the progress made raising Matia in our estimation through his relationship with Celine was about to come undone.

Not to put too fine a point on it, the dude seemed to be thinking with his little Matia.

The buxom Krissy was Matia’s type physically, “probably the best looking girl I’ve seen here,” and he told Krissy he’d formed “no real connection” in Paradise, which surely would have come as news to Celine the day after they slept together.

Matia reasoned in his in-the-moment interview that despite his “great connection” with Celine, “I do feel it’s something just in Paradise because I feel like I know as soon as I’m out in the real world that’s gonna be super challenging to keep that going.”

So Matia proceeded to form a deep, tongue-first connection with Krissy’s lips.

Matia Marcantuoni’s jet-ski ride with Krissy Kennedy wasn’t so smooth. I guess the smooching was.

Personally, I think Matia should have interpreted his overturning the jet ski and dumping himself and Krissy into the cold lake as an omen, but instead he confessed to Celine that he had kissed Krissy and would “like to take another day just to see if there’s actually something there and if there was then I just wouldn’t waste your time.”

Whether that was Matia’s genuine wish or what production wanted him to say, talk about a slap in the face to Celine!

“I feel like I’ve just been put through so much here and it’s just like I’m at my wit’s end,” said Celine. “I just don’t know how much more I can give to anybody here. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow again and just do this all over. I don’t have it in me anymore.”

That should have been the point where Matia tried to convince Celine to stay but, instead, when she asked him if he had anything else to say, he replied, “No, there’s nothing I want to say right now.”

So Celine left and Matia was free to suck more face with Krissy. And look, I know these episodes are edited like crazy and people might be playing roles as opposed to being themselves, but Krissy’s gloating after Celine left rubbed me the wrong way.

She couldn’t even get Celine’s name right in her ITMs, calling her Seeley and Shanae, and really Matia, this is your pick?

Anyway, Celine’s departure played a role in the brewing drama between Sam and Cole.

It started earlier with Sam urging Cole to go talk to Krissy, even though that wasn’t what she really wanted.

Cole ITMed that Sam was feeling pressure “to be the girl she thinks I want or something” and “at this point with Sam everything we do just feels like an act,” whereas Sam lamented, “Why can’t he just be obsessed with me?”

Still, things seemed normal as Cole comforted a crying Sam after Celine’s departure. And then Sam let slip an “I love you,” which stopped Cole cold as he leaned in for a kiss. But Sam quickly course-corrected that she “never meant that” and they finished the kiss. In his ITM, however, Cole said Sam’s outburst “seemed almost manipulative to me and that should speak to the toxicity of the situation.”

Yikes.

Cole Medders and Sam Picco on an earlier episode in the proverbial happier times.

When Sam once again tried to minimize the “dumb” thing she said to Cole, the conversation turned to her reaction to Cole flirting with other people and Cole being annoyed with her saying things she didn’t mean. And it got heated.

“You don’t get to tell me, though, that you’re OK with something and then actually in reality behind the scenes you’re not OK with it. That’s not fair,” Cole said, his voice rising.

“I’ve given you the freedom to, at every turn, without any complaints, to kiss whoever you want, do whatever you want to do. At every turn you’ve kissed whoever you want, Jake, Joey, body shots, whatever, I have never complained or said a thing about it . . . but every time I look or talk or touch another human being you freak the fuck out. How is that fair?”

Sam protested that she had never been upset, but Cole countered that she had and she had punished him. And Sam stopped trying to argue and Cole walked away.

It seems obvious that Cole was cool with Sam being with other guys because he’s just not that into her, which has been apparent almost from the beginning of their coupling up, whereas Sam has been very much into Cole. So when Cole said it was a one-way street, he was right, though perhaps not in the way he meant: Sam seemed to really care about him; he seemed to just be killing time.

Cole said in his ITM, “I’m not proud of myself for the way I raised my voice or voiced those feelings, but they’ve been there for a while, they’ve been bubbling below the surface and I felt really trapped by her for a while now. I’m just, I’m done.”

And he was, although he waited until the next day to leave, first apologizing to Sam for not giving her “everything that you wanted or needed.” He had the cheek to ask for one last kiss before walking off the beach, though. Sam gave it to him, of course.

It’s not that things were all doom and breakups at the Christie’s Mill Inn and Spa.

Garrett and Meagan, for instance, went on a yoga date and apparently something about Meagan teaching Garrett yoga helped them understand each other better? I don’t know.

Tessa Tookes and Joey Kirchner have become one of the more solid couples on the beach.

Tessa and Joey became the first couple to lob a fully formed L-bomb — or a mutual one, anyway, leaving aside Sam’s dud. They exchanged “I love you’s” and Joey said in his ITM he never had anyone understand him “to the depths that Tessa does.” Even Austin and Chelsea, the dad and mom of the beach, haven’t gotten past the “falling in” stage yet. Go figure.

And Connor and Lisa had a special “date” in which she shared her love of painting with him and he shared his love of music via portable keyboard and sang a song, the chorus of which was “I believe it’s what you say, not the time you take to say it.”

Do I expect to be humming it in the days ahead? No, but it was kind of sweet, and I have been a Connor and Lisa shipper since the beginning.

But we’re not done with Matia yet. Turns out Celine left him a note, which Matia took to a deserted dock (well, except for the camera person) to read. It looked like it was in Celine’s actual handwriting, although the cynic in me is tempted to think this was all part of a grander production plan. You know, give Matia a heel turn by having him turn his back on Celine and then voila! A letter convinces him to do the right thing. Redemption all around.

Mind you, Matia seemed genuinely emotional after reading the note, which said in part, “Thank you for allowing me to get to know the true you. Thank you for all the laughs. You always made me feel special in every way you knew how.”

Is it any wonder that Matia decided he made a mistake throwing Celine over for Krissy? Like, duh.

He FaceTimed Celine, apparently while she was in Edmonton to catch a connecting flight to Calgary. There were tears on both sides as Matia told Celine he had underestimated their connection, he was sorry and he’d like to stay in touch outside Paradise.

“A lot of people say I’m very closed off, but I think at the end of the day it really just takes the right girl and I think Celine was that girl,” said Matia. Also, “I realize it’s not always about looks.”

Speaking of looks, Matia broke the news to Krissy that he was still into Celine and he was leaving, although Krissy chose to interpret his departure as having nothing to do with any feelings for Celine because, you know, having known Matia for about 24 hours she was clearly the expert.

“I think Matia is ending things because he doesn’t want to come off as like the fuck boy of the season,” she said. Then she added, “Matia doesn’t have much more going for him than his looks” and “Matia is more boring than a sack of hammers. Goodbye. Get me out of here.”

With pleasure, Krissy. Buh bye.

And then, just as Matia took his leave of all his Paradise pals, saying, “I gotta go get Celine,” a brunette walked over to the group in a red dress or romper, and people squealed. Lisa called it “the biggest shock of Paradise” in her ITM. Given that Matia started to wipe his eyes after seeing the mystery woman, I’d bet you dollars to doughnuts that it was Celine coming back to the beach.

We’ll find out in next week’s finale, which also features a casino night; a visit from American “Bachelor in Paradise” couple Abigail Heringer and Noah Erb; a suggestion that all might not be well between Connor and Lisa; Garrett staring at an engagement ring; tears for Joey and Tessa; and a nervous Austin.

You can watch next Sunday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Bachelor in Paradise Canada: ‘stupid drama’ Knee-Gate puts Maria and Josh on their heels

June 26, 2023 /
Host Sharleen Joynt, guest judge Priyanka and bartender Kevin Wendt reflect how I feel about Knee-Gate during the first “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” roast. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Citytv

Here we are folks, the eighth episode of “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” and since everybody has stopped kissing everybody else with wild abandon (except for Ana, more on her later) our best bet for drama is . . . more Knee-Gate? Really?

Yes, Maria and Tessa were still sniping at each other over the fact Maria touched Joey’s knee on last week’s episode.

To quote Austin on the subject, “I don’t know, dawg.”

How convenient that the first ever “Paradise Roast” happened the day after Tessa and Maria had their set-to. As the cast split into pairs (and one trio) to write their jokes, Tessa and Celine decided to go after their “common enemy,” Maria.

Why was she Celine’s enemy? Um, because Maria supposedly got upset seeing Celine and Matia together, and because she kissed Joey even though she told Celine she wasn’t going to do that in Paradise. First off, thank goodness that happened before Tessa arrived. Secondly, I suspect kissing Joey had a lot to do with guidance from the producers.

Whatever the case, several people made jokes at Maria’s expense, including Sam and Ana, Matia and, of course, Celine and Tessa, who said they’d “both been personally victimized by this season’s most emotional nemesis, Maria.”

I’m sorry, personally victimized? What?

When it was Maria’s turn she told Tessa she was going to make a joke about Joey “and I just wanted to let you know so you don’t think I’m flirting with him.”

Maria’s “joke” for Joey was: “If you’re not allowed to keep your friends in this bubble, what are you gonna do outside of it?”

No, it was not funny and it wasn’t actually a joke, but it raised something I’ve wondered myself: will jealousy get the better of Tessa if she’s in a long-distance relationship with Joey outside Paradise?

A question for another day (and, obviously, one that’s already been answered in the real world since this was all filmed a while ago).

Chelsea Vaughn brought the house down pretending to be Garrett Aida at the Paradise Roast.

Luckily, Connor and Chelsea took the stage with some jibes that were less mean-spirited and actually funny. Chelsea brought her fellow contestants to their feet with her impression of Garrett in a bathrobe and sunglasses.

Not surprisingly, the judges — bartender Kevin Wendt, host Sharleen Joynt and drag queen Priyanka — voted Chelsea the roast MVP and she won . . . yeah, a “romantic date.” You didn’t think she was going to win cash or something, did you?

Honestly, it’s fine because, now that we’ve gotten past the fake plot line about Chelsea being interested in Josh and Austin in Tessa, Chelsea and Austin are officially the best couple on the beach.

Since this whole exercise is supposedly about people finding love it was good to see them get some alone time to drink Champagne and eat chocolate-covered strawberries and dance to a live performance by Lindsay Ell (yeah, we’re back to the country music, sigh). And Austin asked Chelsea to be his girlfriend, which was adorable.

Austin Tinsley and Chelsea Vaughn, probably the only couple who stand a chance outside Paradise.

They also told each other the next day they were falling in love with each other, so yay them.

You know who else professed to be falling in love? Joey and Tessa. By Tessa’s own admission they had only been together “a couple of days,” which makes the whole Knee-Gate thing seem even more ridiculous.

And sure, people can fall in love in days, but colour me skeptical about the long-term prospects for this one, although who knows?

Meanwhile, Joey had a talk with Maria about Knee-Gate and he totally got why she had touched his knee. “You and I have always had such a flirtatious relationship in our friendship that it’s something you would do without even thinking about doing it, which I totally understand.”

He assured Maria that nothing would get in the way of their friendship, and it would be up to him and Tessa to discuss boundaries in his physical contact with other women. Then Joey and Maria shared a hug.

His assessment of the whole mess? The “stupid drama” should have been “left in last night,” he said in his in-the-moment interview.

So it’s probably a good thing he didn’t see what happened between Maria, Tessa and Celine later.

When Tessa said that she didn’t get Maria’s “joke” about Joey, Maria explained that seeing as Joey was an attractive male model and bartender who interacted with lots of women, “if you have issues with someone who’s been a friend of his for seven years” — I see we’ve added a year to the friendship — “touching his knee you’re gonna have a lot of issues.”

Celine jumped in, saying that if Maria was friends with Joey, seeing how close he had gotten to Tessa “would have been an opportunity for you to just give them their space and respect that.”

Tessa and Celine tag-teamed again, telling Maria she had a problem with constructive criticism. Maria, Tessa, said didn’t seem to understand the issue.

Well, the issue from where I sit is that a woman who’s known a guy for years touched his knee and the woman he’s been dating for what — two days, three? — got mad about it and wanted to keep banging on about it, although I realize we’re only seeing the edited versions of these conversations.

Should Maria have put on rags and paraded through Paradise while people threw things at her and yelled “Shame!” like she was Cersei bloody Lannister in “Game of Thrones”? I mean seriously. This whole argument was probably inflamed by producer interference, but it seemed to get out of hand.

Maria left the conversation, saying in her ITM she felt bullied. And Lisa, who seemed to be Maria’s only ally, told Josh to go find Maria and comfort her.

That led to a conversation the next day in which Josh suggested he and Maria both leave Paradise to explore their connection in the outside world. Maria seemed skeptical that would actually happen, though, and given that Josh was living in Vancouver and she was in Toronto I can see her point.

Maria Garcia-Sanchez, seen with host Sharleen Joynt, decided to leave Paradise.

When the rose ceremony came, Maria announced that she had been feeling alienated and uncomfortable and sad, and it was time for her to go.

Josh left too and Joey seemed just as skeptical as Maria that he’d make a go of their relationship, saying, “All right, man, see you next year, Season 3.”

(While we’re on the subject: since Citytv has announced that “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” is taking a hiatus next year, colour me doubtful we’ll ever get a Season 3.)

The only other drama at the rose ceremony involved whether Ana would give her rose to Juan Pablo Osorio or Edward Naranjo. She did seem genuinely torn. She had sexual chemistry with Juan but questioned if an emotional connection would follow, whereas Edward was the comfortable but less passionate choice.

I guessed last week she’d go with the safe option, but I clearly underestimated the appeal of a dancing vagina because Ana chose Juan.

Also, there were a couple of red herrings in last week’s promo to be cleared up. It looked like Meagan was going to get her heart broken, but she and Garrett were still a thing by episode’s end, albeit not quite speaking the same language.

And while Connor did indeed tell Lisa, “If it’s not a hell yes it’s a hell no,” he and Lisa appeared to be in a good place. Apparently humour is her love language, because she seemed to be more into Connor after seeing him perform at the roast.

At the very least, she agreed she would want to date him after Paradise.

“I’m not trying to fucking marry you right now,” Connor clarified.

So will these two crazy kids make a go of it in the real world? Who knows?

In the short term, with two new women hitting the beach next week, it seems someone else will turn Connor’s head. And the new arrivals cause another rift between Cole and Sam, with Cole sniping, “Every time I look or talk or touch another human being you freak the fuck out.” And it seems Celine is also left in the lurch with Matia departing the beach, which must be a real bummer if they went to the boom boom room as they planned.

You can watch next Sunday at at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

NOTE: I have edited this because I became privy to some new information about Knee-Gate. I’m not going to tell you what or from who, but it seemed fitting to make some adjustments.

Bachelor in Paradise Canada: a bum steer for Austin and Chelsea

June 13, 2023 /

The cast of “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” raises a toast. ALL PHOTOS CITYTV

How do you create interest in a “reality” TV dating show when you’re six episodes in and your core cast is stable, aside from playing some silly kissing games?

You make it look like your most solid couple is in danger of breaking up.

That was the main “plot” in Monday’s episode of “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.”

You’ll recall that last week Vancouver filmmaker Josh Guvi walked back onto the beach. My impression from seeing him in the first season of “Paradise” is that he’s a stand-up dude, which made it suspicious that he would choose Brooklyn model Chelsea to take on his date despite being told by Lisa that she was off limits because of her relationship with Austin.

A more natural choice would have been Maria since she and Josh had been in communication since meeting the previous season and still seemed to be interested in each other.

Josh Guvi and Maria Garcia-Sanchez get reacquainted in Paradise.

Now, can I prove that Chelsea approached Josh for a chat and that Josh then asked her out — right in front of Austin — at the behest of producers? Of course not, but you can draw your own conclusions.

Chelsea said she and Josh had “a lot in common” and that he was everything she was looking for on paper without enumerating what those things were.

Maybe they got into an in-depth conversation about that stuff while they were massaging each other’s asses during their “butt facials” (I googled it, these are actually a thing), but probably not.

The main purpose of the activity was obviously to annoy Austin when Josh and Chelsea returned from the date and told everyone at the bar about their mutual butt fondling.

Mind you, Austin didn’t spend all his time fretting while they were gone. You’ll recall that he had described Tessa as his “type” when she joined the cast last week so, on the theory that he had to test his connection with Chelsea, Austin approached Tessa for a talk and a smooch.

It was less shakeup than fake-out, however, since it didn’t sway Austin’s focus from Chelsea or Tessa’s from Joey.

Joey Kirchner and Tessa Tookes were still into each other on “Bachelor in Paradise.”

As Tessa put it, “I feel actually not super weirded out by the fact that he just kissed Maria and I just kissed Austin. I know in my heart Joey’s connection with me is much stronger and more meaningful and something he wants to pursue.”

Sure, which makes the fact that Joey went to Maria to hash out once and for all whether they were more than friends seem like just another production trick.

But back to Austin and Chelsea.

They didn’t kiss and make up, so to speak, right away. Austin was pissed after hearing that Chelsea smooched Josh. As he put it, “Like what the fuck? I’m coming in with 12 days of me being vulnerable and being the best version of myself that I could be towards you and he just needs a butt facial to do that shit?”

This seems like an accurate summary to me, but Chelsea took issue with Austin’s language and said he was giving “controlling vibes.” She also claimed she wanted more time to talk to Josh and might kiss him again.

Austin seemed genuinely hurt, so perhaps he was not in the loop on the scheme, or just taken aback the fake connection went a little farther than expected.

It was Chelsea’s turn to get annoyed when Austin said he had made out with Tessa multiple times (I think he was exaggerating there), so Chelsea twisted the knife, saying about Josh, “His tongue was in my mouth, if you want clarification.”

Listen, I didn’t need to know that, never mind Austin.

Austin Tinsley and Chelsea Vaughn, still Canadian Paradise’s No. 1 couple.

Both Austin and Chelsea dutifully said in their in-the-moment interviews that they were questioning whether their relationship was salvageable. Chelsea was still (claiming to be?) pissed at Austin the next day for being insecure and petty, and Austin apologized for making her feel rough and not giving her space.

And then — what do you know? — after Josh belatedly realized that he’d been massaging Chelsea’s bum the day after it had been in the boom boom room with Austin, he told her he didn’t want to mess things up between the two of them. Also, he had kissed Maria and found “the passion” he was looking for.

And conveniently, Chelsea suddenly realized that she didn’t want to lose Austin. It only took an hour of screen time for her to get to that place, about an hour longer than everyone watching.

At the cocktail party, Austin and Chelsea were back to kissing and snuggling and laughing. Austin even let the L-word slip in a roundabout way when he said, “I know Joey (is) falling in love too.”

So faux crisis averted: Austin and Chelsea are still Paradise’s No. 1 couple.

Josh’s part in the disruption narrative wasn’t done though.

Even though his rose was clearly bound for Maria, he claimed to be torn after Nithisha laid some very deep kisses on him. As Paige said, they were “sucking face.”

Nithisha gave it her best shot, but the fix was in for Maria.

You know who didn’t kiss for once? Cole and Lisa. They decided they were going to give their bonds with Sam and Connor a chance, and step away from each other.

Now, if you’ve been watching these last six weeks, you’ll have noticed that Sam seems to be more into Cole than he into her, and ditto with Connor and Lisa, or at least it’s been edited that way.

But Cole and Sam decided to take their connection to the next level by visiting the boom boom room. And according to Joey, whose room was nearby, there was “some boom boom for sure.”

Lisa Mancini, centre right, with Paige Allen, has given up on Cole Medders for now.

That didn’t sit well with Lisa, who wouldn’t even speak to Cole the next night when they were both sitting at the bar, and said his actions had pushed her closer to Connor.

There was one genuine surprise among all the predictable couplings: Matia and Celine. The former had disengaged from Maria after not feeling a spark; the latter had been dumped by Joey, and she and Matia had been hanging out as friends ever since.

But they started kissing and then laughing about it, and I have to say it was pretty sweet. It was also fun hearing the gasps at the rose ceremony when Matia gave Celine a kiss after handing over his rose. Who’d have thunk they’d become one of the more adorable couples in Paradise?

As for the rest of the roses, they went as expected: Joey’s to Tessa; Garrett’s to Meagan; Edward’s to Ana; Cole’s to Sam; Austin’s to Chelsea; Connor’s to Lisa and, yes, Josh’s to Maria.

That left Nithisha and Paige as the odd women out. Nithisha exited expressing confidence she would find her person. “Party Paige,” who earlier thanked her cast mates for making Paradise “one of the best fucking times of my life,” left drinking champagne.

Next week, various cast members find themselves in “pickles,” including Ana and Lisa, who says she doesn’t know how she feels about Connor. Tessa and Maria are beefing over Joey. New arrival Juan Pablo hits the beach (no, not that Juan Pablo). And Cole tells Sam he’s not falling in love.

You can watch next Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Fantasy (suites) & reality collide on Bachelor in Paradise Canada

December 5, 2021 /
The cast of “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” ahead of the final rose ceremony.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos courtesy of Citytv

You know that melancholy feeling you get at the end of a summer vacation? You had a blast, but you’re about to head back to reality?

That was Sunday’s penultimate episode of “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.”

With the season about to end, couples were folding like cheap tents and Camp Paradise was emptying out.

And what reward would we get for our nine weeks and counting of watching these Canadian and American singles mingle? Engagements perhaps?

One maybe; two if we’re really lucky, but the way the episode ended even fantasy suites were feeling like a stretch.

(And just a note, given the lack of “fantasy” accoutrements we glimpsed when Brendan M and Angela opened the door to theirs, perhaps the Canadian show needs to come up with a different name. Intimacy suites, maybe? Cut-rate fantasy suites?)

There was to be no happy ending for Stacy Johnson and Mike Ogilvie.

The wheels on the true love narrative started coming off even before the final rose ceremony when Mike told Stacy he wouldn’t feel right accepting a rose from her.

Of course, Mike had been accepting Stacy’s roses and vice versa since he first arrived in Week 3. He told Stacy she was “a gorgeous girl who’s an amazing personality” whom he liked a lot, but they agreed they weren’t where they needed to be emotionally with potential engagements just around the corner — although the subtext from Stacy’s perspective was that had more to do with Mike than with her.

She was in tears when she told the other campers she was leaving. “I deserve love. I deserve someone that knows what they want and knows what they have when they have it,” she said.

Amen to that. Sorry to see you go Stacy, you’re one of the good ones. Mike, hmmm.

No one else chose to forgo a rose and Angela’s, Kit’s, Lisa’s, Caitlin’s and Illeana’s were handed out in short order. Maria’s was the only question mark, although it wasn’t really.

Maria Garcia-Sanchez had both Josh Guvi and Karn Kalra vying for her rose.

Karn, who showed up just last week with a cocky confidence befitting his job as an actor, tried his best to wrest it from Josh, but Maria warned him, “It’s really hard to have a connection with someone you just met.”

She kind of just met Josh too, but she just met him sooner than Karn, plus Josh finally kissed Maria — though I’m not sure the reaction you want after you’ve laid a smooch on someone is for them to laugh loudly. (For the record, Maria tweeted Sunday she laughs when she feels nervous.)

Maria explained that she wasn’t as “open physically and romantically” as other people, plus the fact she got her rose from production rather than a man made her feel like “second choice” — that would actually be fourth choice if we’re counting the other women Josh had already kissed.

Nonetheless, Maria gave her rose to Josh, saying “the more I get to know Josh the more I like.” It was a good pick. Never mind Karn ungenerously saying, “Maria, you fucked up” as he departed.

The next day, with roses in hand and no new arrivals to disrupt the couples, it seemed like everyone could get on with exploring their connections, as they say, and then host Jesse Jones arrived and used the f-word. No, not that one: fantasy suites.

“Take this as the last opportunity to figure out if you’re both really looking to take things to the next level because, if not, you and your partner will be heading home from Camp Paradise today,” he said. Dunh dunh dunh dunh.

Is anyone surprised that Josh and Maria said no to a fantasy suite? Why would she want to spend the night with him when she didn’t even really want to kiss him? They went their separate ways, albeit expressing gratitude for having met each other.

Is there mutual squirrel appreciation in Connor Rogers’ and Lisa Mancini’s future? Guess we’ll see.

Likewise, Connor and Lisa felt a fantasy suite was too much pressure for their fledgling relationship and said they’d continue to figure it out away from camp. “See you soon,” Connor said after they hugged and kissed.

I wasn’t sure which way Alex and Kit were going to go considering how little we’ve seen of them together since their first date in Week 3. And that’s a shame because I think we missed out on a warm, respectful relationship. I love that Alex put glitter on his cheek to match the sparkle under Kit’s eyes and on her dress at the rose ceremony, for instance.

Too bad we didn’t see more of Kit Blaiklock and Alex Bordyukov during the season.

But when push came to shove, Kit told Alex she needed “to love myself more and be stronger on my own” to be the partner he deserved, so they’d be skipping the fantasy suite and parting ways.

Alex was disappointed, but he said Kit made Paradise “one of the most beautiful experiences I’ve ever been through . . . I’m happy I got to know such an incredible woman.”

Awwwwwwww.

With three couples down, it seemed like the remaining three were shoo-ins for fantasy suites.

Angela and Brendan M were the first to take Jesse up on the offer.

Turns out Angela Amezcua and Brendan Morgan are the strongest couple in Paradise, who knew?

They did a “memory lane” tour that included the two docks where they snuggled and watched sunsets and stars, the amphitheatre where they shared their first kiss and the bar stools where they first met.

They left out the cabin stairs where Brendan blew Angela off before he went on a date with Maria. Although, to be honest, the more I think about it the more that whole thing seems like a plot device cooked up by production.

Angela wrote Brendan M a letter in which she said that despite the “speed bumps along the way” — which, just to refresh your memory, included his flirtation with Stacy and her going on a date with Josh — “we always somehow make our way back to each other.”

“I genuinely feel as though I’m falling in love with you,” Brendan told Angela, as orchestral music swelled in the background.

“Really? I’m falling in love with you too, for real,” Angela replied.

Brendan also said he could see himself giving Angela a ring.

And then it was off to the, er, fantasy cabin where, instead of the high thread count linens, candles, rose petals and jacuzzis we usually associate with fantasy suites, we glimpsed what looked like plywood walls with a framed poster that said “Life is better by the lake.” Now, that’s what I call an aphrodisiac!

And what of the other Brendan, Scanzano, and his Day 1 sweetie, Illeana?

Illeana Pennetto was portrayed as having doubts about getting engaged to Brendan Scanzano.

I suspect they’ll end up in the fantasy suite, but production was doing its best to make it seem like a question mark.

They’d already said they loved each other but now, Illeana said, “logic needs to come into play.”

She’s not wrong. Cross-border “Bachelor” relationships don’t have a good track record (although it seems like Chicagoan Joe Amabile and Torontonian Serena Pitt are still together).

And while Brendan kept saying he wanted to do what made Illeana happy, she kept expressing doubts that they were on the same page as far as making things work outside Paradise. Whether those are doubt doubts or “production wants to make it look like we won’t end up together” doubts remains to be seen.

Still, Brendan S and Illeana seemed rock solid compared to Kamil and Caitlin.

Kamil Nicalek and Caitlin Clemmens seemed unlikely to get to a fantasy suite after Sunday’s episode.

Those two have been Paradise exclusive since Episode 2, after they got their respective flirtations with Vay and Chris out of the way. But the episode ended with Kamil walking away from Caitlin in the midst of what seemed like a mini-meltdown.

As with any of the disagreements we’ve seen between Kamil and Caitlin, it can be hard to disentangle exactly what’s going on.

It started with Kamil saying he wanted to leave with Caitlin before the rose ceremony, let alone the fantasy suites — perhaps to avoid the awkward experience of not proposing to Caitlin in the finale the same way he didn’t propose to Annaliese on U.S. “Paradise”? I don’t know, just my speculation. But Caitlin wanted to spend more time with Kamil in Paradise, so he agreed to go to the fantasy suite after all, saying he didn’t want to dwell in the past.

So what went wrong? They started talking about the distance between New York and Toronto, and whether Kamil was good at texting and calling (he said he likes to keep his phone on silent), and things started going south after Kamil said he planned to FaceTime Brendan S every day, which seemed to make Caitlin a little jealous.

Kamil said it wasn’t a big deal: he just wanted to leave Paradise with Caitlin, but Caitlin wanted to have a post-Paradise plan in place.

Kamil said he felt like Caitlin was putting him in the “hot seat” and wasn’t behaving like the “sweet” and “gentle” person he knew. Um, gender stereotyping much?

“Right now it feels to me like you don’t even want to take this outside of here,” Kamil told her

“Quite frankly, I don’t know if I want to leave and work on anything if we can’t resolve it here,” Caitlin answered.

Saying that Caitlin seemed like “a totally different person” and that their conversation seemed like a “fucking prank or something,” Kamil walked away from a distressed Caitlin.

“I’m having flashbacks to my bad time in Paradise when I was sitting in the hot seat and the whole world hated me,” Kamil said. “It was like a nightmare that was unfolding in front of me and I can’t believe it’s happening for a second time.”

Well, boo hoo hoo to that.

On next week’s finale, besides more Kamil and Caitlin drama and Illeana continuing to express doubts about Brendan S, Brendan M and Angela look proposal-ready and there’s a spicy “After the Final Rose” on tap. The highlight of that — or the lowlight, if you will — is Joey saying that he found Vay “in the arms of another guy” at the wedding he took her to, and that she and her friends talked shit about him. Not cool, Vay, not cool.

You can watch it unfold Sunday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And don’t forget the final “Bachelor After Show: After Paradise” at 9:30 p.m. If you want to talk Paradise with me you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Joey gets his girl, Josh gets rivals on Bachelor in Paradise Canada

November 28, 2021 /
Joey Kirchner and Vay Paquette share some news on “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos courtesy of Citytv

You could say that Sunday’s “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” was about loyalty and the rewards or consequences thereof.

Joey proved his loyalty to Vay and got to leave Paradise with his girl.

Josh proved his loyalty to Lisa and was rewarded by . . . her going on a date with another guy. Then, when Josh tried to rekindle his flirtation with Maria — yes, she was still around, I’ll explain later — she got scooped up by another newcomer, raising the prospect of Mr. “Bachelor” in Paradise not getting a rose.

I’m skeptical that Josh will get bounced. I mean, look what happened with Maria. Last week’s episode made it seem as though Josh might give her his rose at Lisa’s expense, but he stuck with Lisa.

By rights, Maria should have gone home along with Bianka and Nicole. Iva had already self-eliminated with the words “I had a blast, but I’m peacing out.”

But then, after the final rose, host Jesse Jones reappeared with a final, final rose, a.k.a. “a special rose for a special lady who deserves another shot at love here in Paradise.” It was up to Josh and the other men, including Kamil, Brendan S, Brendan M, Alex, Joey and Mike, to decide who that lady would be and they chose Maria.

Maria Garcia-Sanchez, right, got to stay thanks to a “special” rose; Bianka Kamber, front, had to go.

The cynic in me thinks that had as much to do with Vay’s continuing jealousy of Maria as with second chances, but there we are.

The next day, Joey was in tears after a sleepless night as Vay continued to give him the cold shoulder over the fact he’d left Vay to go to his friend Maria’s cabin and talk her into sticking around.

Once Vay finally agreed to talk it out with Joey he was extremely contrite, even though I don’t think he had a reason to be.

“I don’t want to be the jealous crazy girlfriend . . . but unfortunately that’s how I felt,” said Vay. “I wish I didn’t care when you spoke about another girl,” she said, adding, “If you want to be with me you need to understand that it comes with a lot of baggage.”

Joey understood and was ready to turn himself into a human luggage rack.

“I hate that I’m the reason you felt the way you did yesterday . . . because I love you,” he said.

“I was trying to be a good person for people in need, but you are my No. 1 priority.”

And with that, the deep freeze was over as Joey and Vay smooched and the other campers cheered. More on them later.

In the meantime, a new dude had ambled into Camp Paradise: 27-year-old engineer and firefighter trainee Connor Rogers from Toronto. And he was Lisa’s type, “a mix between Owen Wilson, Prince Harry and Bradley Cooper,” as she put it.

Connor had the good fortune of arriving just after all the men had disappeared to play basketball, but I doubt Lisa would have been dissuaded from accepting his date even if Josh had been around. She did spare a thought for Josh, however, saying, “If I have a great time with Connor I will actually be worrying about Josh because then I’ll have a hard decision to make.”

Lisa Mancini was vibing with Connor Rogers and I don’t even know if he likes Hawaiian pizza.

Well, wouldn’t you know that the date allowed Lisa, a renowned friend to rodents, to channel her “inner squirrel” on a ropes course? And, more importantly, when she and Connor got to the drinks-on-a-couch part of the date, Lisa opened up to him about the death of her father in 2020, something she said she hadn’t shared with anybody else.

“I’m, like, hopeful that we can keep pursuing this,” Connor said before they shared a kiss, one that Lisa said left her feeling sparks whereas kissing Josh felt “more like a friend.”

Oh dear.

To her credit, Lisa told Josh what was going on after she and Connor returned to the beach and he was . . . totally cool with it.

“If you really like someone, Lisa, I want you to explore that here, honestly,” Josh told her. “I’m in your corner. Whether I’m with you or I’m cheering for you, I’ve got your back.”

How sweet is that?

And the silver lining was that Josh could now explore his feelings for Maria guilt free. Just before Lisa turned up, Josh and Maria had been hanging out by the fire pit, flirting, and had agreed to get to know each other more.

But then along came Karn Kalra, a 30-year-old actor from Toronto. (His credits include “Tuxedo Man #1” in the Oscar-winning movie “Green Book,” playing Saddam Hussein in “The Dictator’s Playbook” and Agent Folson in “The Hot Zone: Anthrax,” so more than “actor” Chris Sutton on “The Bachelorette.”)

Maria Garcia-Sanchez got to go on another date, this time with newcomer Karn Kalra.

And why wouldn’t Maria go on a date with him? Josh has got to be one of the nicest guys in Camp Paradise, but it’s not like he’d given Maria a rose.

She even seemed to have fun tubing with Karn, despite getting thrown out of the tube at least twice and face-planting once, which didn’t look like it tickled.

Karn scored points with Maria for being close to his mom and he said she “checks a lot of the boxes off.”

Still, Maria went for a walk with Josh when she got back to camp and said she had more in common with him, but she stopped short of letting Josh kiss her, pointing out, “You literally just kissed someone the night before.”

Well, yeah, it’s Paradise. And your point is?

We’ll have to wait till next week to find out if Maria agrees to be Josh’s fourth Paradise lip-lock or goes for the clean slate, a.k.a. Karn.

In the meantime, Joey and Vay solidified their bond with a date that involved roasting weenies and marshmallows next to a mini trailer called a Happier Camper (honestly, the product placement on this show is intense).

Vay Paquette goes cowgirl for her honey Joey Kirchner on their date.

Vay showed up in a cropped gingham top, jean short shorts, cowboy boots and a cowboy hat, which Joey said made him “happy in a bunch of places.”

“Whoever thought the guy walking in in the pink Speedo would be this amazing man?” said Vay.

We knew that Joey had “something big” to tell Vay, but he’d already popped the L-word and it seemed early for an engagement. It turned out Joey had to leave Paradise for Alberta that night to be best man at his friend’s wedding and he wanted Vay to come with him and meet his family.

“Will you be my plus one?” he asked.

“Of course I’ll come with you,” she replied.

So Joey and Vay rode off into the night after exchanging heartfelt hugs with their cast mates. Damn it, I’m going to miss you, Joey!

Now let’s talk about the other couple who dropped an L-bomb. That would be Brendan S and Illeana.

Brendan Scanzano hasn’t wavered in his devotion to Illeana Pennetto.

Brendan has only had eyes for Illeana since Day 1 so it shouldn’t be a huge surprise that he was talking about getting engaged and asking Illeana for her favourite ring style (princess cut or radius cut, which she had to explain to Brendan).

Illeana appeared to be less gung ho than Brendan, saying that he’d run head first into an engagement without thinking about how things would work outside Paradise, but when Brendan told her he loved her, she replied, “I know you do and I love you too.”

And then there were Kamil and Caitlin.

Caitlin Clemmens and Kamil Nicalek. Is she really having doubts or are producers just messin’?

Kamil planned a surprise for Caitlin with blankets, bubbly and a basket of clementines in honour of the nickname he gave her. And they seemed to be on the same wavelength as far as wanting to be in a committed relationship and yet . . . Caitlin kept expressing doubts: about whether Kamil would “step up” when they were a plane ride away from each other; whether he’d call it quits like he did with Annaliese on U.S. “Bachelor in Paradise”; whether she herself would overcome her instinct to cut and run to avoid getting hurt.

It’s hard to tell if these are genuine obstacles or just editing to make it seem like Caitlin and Kamil won’t leave Paradise together.

In any event, it seems like shit is about to get real, or as real as it can anyway, next week. It seems the committed couples are having serious chats ahead of the last rose ceremony. And it look like there will actually be a rose ceremony. And then Jesse shakes things up by announcing fantasy suites.

Yes, definitely a shakeup considering this has been probably the most chaste season in “Bachelor in Paradise” history.

You can tune in next Sunday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And don’t forget “Bachelor After Show: After Paradise” at 9:30 p.m. If you want to talk Paradise with me you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Juggling women and balls on Bachelor in Paradise Canada

November 22, 2021 /
Brendan Morgan showed that women weren’t the only thing he could keep up in the air
on “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos courtesy of Citytv

Never mind the juggling, singing, dancing, piano playing, guitar shredding and the lame “comedy” in Sunday’s “Camp Paradise Twisted Talent Show,” the real talent this late in any season of “Bachelor in Paradise” is for a newcomer to get a rose.

Of the five surplus women who joined the cast of “Paradise Canada,” the only one who seemed like she might pull it off — emphasis on might — was Maria Garcia-Sanchez.

But if you think Brendan Morgan is her potential rose daddy, think again.

Sure, the last we saw of Brendan M last week was him ignoring main squeeze Angela to spend extra time with Maria, with whom he’d just returned from a date. But it didn’t take long for Maria — and us — to figure out she’d been played, with Angela and Brendan recommitting to each other, inasmuch as someone who’s still yapping about having the freedom to “pursue other options” can commit.

Angela Amezcua and Brendan Morgan toast to the future, whatever that turns out to be.

Then, hello, Josh started chatting up Maria, reviving the possibility of her getting a rose and marking himself as the official “Paradise Canada” stud since he’d gone on two dates, kissed three women and was now checking out a fourth.

But wasn’t Josh coupled up with Lisa? Well yes and no.

Josh said he cared about Lisa but didn’t know “what kind of feelings those are.” Meanwhile, he saw potential with Maria and told her he wanted to explore it.

But the exploration got short-circuited the night of the rose ceremony when Maria had a meltdown, told Josh she wanted to go home and then slammed her way into her cabin to start packing her stuff. More on that later.

She wasn’t the only newbie who picked flight over fight.

Sasanet, who had a disastrous date with Mike last episode, was there for a good time, not a long time, as the theme song says.

Sasanet says farewell to Camp Paradise with affirmations and a big ass glass of wine.

“I had fun, I met amazing people, however the men just were not on my level,” Sasa said.

She took leave of her cast mates with a bit of sassy humour — “I’m happy to have been here and met everyone, well most of you at least” — and some parting affirmations. They’d all find love, happiness, luxury, glamour and wonderful lives, she said. And then she was off to find the first of the three husbands a psychic told her she was going to have.

And now let’s talk about the fight part of the equation. That would be Iva, who wasn’t willing to leave Paradise without one.

Editing, of course, is everything on these shows. We’d just listened to Josh tell Maria that he was “a quiet person” and that “really energetic, like, loud people tire me out” when who should materialize in front of him but the hyper energetic Iva?

Never mind not beating about the bush; Iva beat the bush into bits. She told Josh she was jealous he was flirting with other girls, that she liked him and didn’t like any other guys, and asked, “Are you still into me?”

Which presupposes that Josh was into her to begin with.

He wouldn’t tell her point blank that she wasn’t getting his rose, even though she wasn’t, but he recommended she pursue “other things.” And the other thing was Mike.

Iva Mikulic makes her pitch for Mike Ogilvie to dump Stacy for her.

Mack Truck Mike, meet Titan Truck Iva.

Iva told Mike she had come to Camp Paradise for a fresh start after being “stuck on the same guy for the past three years”; she wanted to fall in love, a couple of kids, a nice big house and a nice big yard — is that all? — and she asked Mike if there was “a way for me to convince you that you should, like, explore this with me?”

Mike diplomatically told Iva he couldn’t give her an answer.

“She’s a very aggressive person,” he commented. Ya think?

Iva also told Mike he was “smoking hot,” but he declined her invitation to “kiss and see if we can vibe.”

Bartender Kevin Wendt and fiancee Astrid Loch judged the talent show.

During the talent show — overseen by bartender Kevin Wendt and his fiancee Astrid Loch (who welcomed their baby the night before “Paradise” aired!) — Brendan S, as part of a cringey attempt at a comedy roast with best bud Kamil, suggested Iva had another motive for coming to Paradise: to further her music career. Hey, she wouldn’t be the first.

Iva could at least sing, as could Joey and Vay. Josh played a mean piano and Mike unleashed his inner metal god on the guitar, complete with crotch grab. Lisa drew clever caricatures of her fellow campers.

But the winner was Brendan M for his shirtless juggling and doing a yoga pose called the locust that, well, you can check it out in the photo above.

As impressive as that was, Brendan’s win also fit the storyline of him returning to Angela after his dalliance with Maria since the prize was a date. And it didn’t hurt that Angela’s good friend Astrid was one of the judges.

Angela confided in Astrid, her former “Bachelor” and “Bachelor in Paradise” pal, about her hurt over Brendan M taking Maria out, not to mention Brendan’s annoyance over Angela being hurt.

“The Paradise experience to me is meeting someone that you’re gonna build a life with after this, not dating a bunch of random girls,” Astrid said.

Except Brendan still seemed to be thinking about the random girls when he and Angela finally talked things out during their dinner date.

He told Angela his intentions were good in going on the date with Maria, but when asked what those intentions were, Brendan M said, “to give myself a fair opportunity to see if there was a connection there. For me to get the most out of this, I think it’s only right for me to pursue other options. At the same time, it doesn’t take away from what you and I have. I was a bit upset at the fact that you looked at it that way.”

What? That Angela looked at you pursuing your options with Maria as potentially detrimental to your relationship with her? Gee, can’t imagine why she’d think that.

To make matters worse, when Angela asked Brendan if he was done exploring other relationships, he said, “I feel as though I am. I also feel like I deserve the freedom to be able to explore something.” So no, then.

Don’t ask me how you go from that to Angela and Brendan agreeing to “move forward with each other.” Colour me super skeptical.

You want to know who hasn’t explored other options the whole time he’s been on the beach? Joey.

Joey Kirchner and Vay Paquette: not “just a Paradise fling.”

As he and Vay snuggled in a Muskoka chair, Joey told her he was falling in love with her. “I am too, 1,000 per cent,” Vay replied. “I can spend the rest of my life with you, I already know,” she said.

As heartwarming as that is, there was one adorable Colombian-Canadian obstacle to Joey and Vay attaining post-Paradise bliss. Vay couldn’t seem to shake her jealousy of Joey’s friendship with Maria.

Josh, meanwhile, still appeared to be into Maria, taking her for a walk away from the other campers with the rose ceremony looming. But Maria was so pissed that she’d wasted her date on Brendan M that she seemed to transfer that distrust to Josh. When he complimented her beauty and her personality, she replied skeptically, “If you want to get to know me, that’s on you. If you don’t, like, it’s fine.”

“Obviously, I do,” said Josh. Maria’s response to that was an eye roll.

Maria Garcia-Sanchez at the talent show with Bianka Kamber, a.k.a. the Invisible Woman.

Josh, bless him, kept trying, but then Maria started crying, told him, “I really want to go home, this is so dumb,” and ditched Josh to go start packing up her stuff.

It was Joey who talked her down, following Maria into her cabin to dispense hugs and advice. He was convinced she still had a shot with Josh and got her to agree to stick around.

Josh, meanwhile, was getting advice from Mike, who told him to figure out “what makes you happy.” Would it be Maria and the chance of “something incredible” with her, or would he keep working on what he had with Lisa, notwithstanding that seemed more like a friendship than a romance?

We’ll presumably find out next week when there’s — maybe? — a rose ceremony.

In the meantime, Vay gave Joey the cold shoulder when he returned from his chat with Maria. Brendan M, of all people, seemed to take Vay’s side, saying Joey should have been a little more conscious of how Vay was feeling.

Excuse me while I stop to ponder the irony of the man behind the feelings that put Maria in need of consoling, the man who ignored his own girlfriend’s feelings to take Maria out in the first place, suggesting another dude wasn’t being sensitive about a woman’s feelings. Wow.

“Don’t keep mentioning the same girl over and over and over and over again. It makes me feel like shit,” Vay complained.

Sorry Vay, but I’m with Joey. “I clearly don’t give a fuck about Maria in a romantic way; platonically yes,” he told, yes, Brendan M.

Vay, honey, time to put your big girl panties on and euthanize that little green monster. Joey seems like a really nice guy who was just trying to help an old friend. That supersized jealousy is not a good look.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere based on next week’s promo showing more of Vay’s whining about Maria. And with less than a week left till the final rose, Brendan S is talking engagement and Caitlin is still talking about whether Kamil will step up. Ugh. And two more guys show up, with one particularly cocky dude infringing on whatever Josh has with whomever he has it with.

You can tune in next Sunday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And don’t forget “Bachelor After Show: After Paradise” at 9:30 p.m. If you want to talk Paradise with me you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Three new women shake up Bachelor in Paradise Canada

November 15, 2021 /
Sunday’s “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” was rocky for Kamil Nicalek and Caitlin Clemmens
and Angela Amezcua and Brendan Morgan. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos courtesy of Citytv

Beware the quiet ones.

When three new women infiltrated Camp Paradise on Sunday’s “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” it wasn’t the two more aggressive ladies who caused the most disruption; it was the “really nice girl.”

There are now five more women than men on the beach — a bit of overkill, no, “Bachelor in Paradise Canada”?

And the three newbies all had date cards, but only one of the dates threatened the established order. More on that later.

As the episode opened, the campers discussed the flirtations of the night before (which you can read about here) and Nicole, one of last week’s newcomers, lamented that the people who were coupled up — essentially everyone but her and fellow new arrival Bianka — seemed unlikely to “budge.”

Bianka, who as a “Bachelor Canada” winner was kind of a marquee attraction when the cast was first announced, has had hardly any screen time and appeared to not even be trying to kindle any romantic sparks.

But that state of affairs didn’t deter Halifax fan contestant Sasanet, a.k.a. Sasa, who declared “Everyone’s gonna be obsessed with me” and who, in Brendan M’s words, wasn’t afraid to step on toes. She figured every man was fair game until they were engaged.

Mike Ogilvie reminded Sasanet Iassu a bit of Thor on their date.

So she chose “beautiful man” Mike for her date and Mike got to show off the physique she so admired on a slip and slide, even pulling Sasa along the slide at one point using just his brawny arms — “like Thor,” she said — as she held onto his ankles.

“Was he as good as Thor? No, but he met my expectations,” Sasa quipped.

Alas, it would have taken all of the Avengers to pull something resembling a decent conversation out of Mike and Sasa. That expression that opposites attract? Not in this case.

City girl Sasa made it clear she preferred a walk in the mall to hiking and when Mike asked her if she liked hardcore metal music, she replied, “Absolutely not, it stresses me out.”

Mike couldn’t wait to return to Stacy. “I’m very thrilled to be coming home to you,” he told her.

In the meantime, host Jesse Jones had announced the “Camp Paradise Bonfire,” which involved the campers sitting around a bonfire and asking each other anonymous questions that had been dropped into a box.

From left, Lisa, Illeana, Bianka, Vay and Sessa at the bonfire, with Josh, Brendan M and Kamil behind.

Mike got asked, “Why didn’t you tell Stacy about your interest in Caitlin before the rose ceremony?” His lame answer: he couldn’t find Caitlin to talk to for a week, which I guess is better than “I waited because production told me to.”

And then for Kamil: “Do you not realize all the girls notice you checking them out or do you just not care?”

Kamil hemmed and hawed and then settled on, “I didn’t think I was checking them out, but if that’s the case I guess I’ll admit to it. There’s a lot of beautiful people here in Paradise.”

Finally, Joey not so anonymously had a question for Vay: “Are you falling in love with Joey because I’m falling in love with you.”

Vay said she was definitely getting there although she needed more time because of her trust issues and that made Joey’s heart warm.

You want to know whose heart wasn’t warm? Caitlin’s.

She was brooding over Kamil’s admission to checking people out.

“I want somebody who’s got eyes just for me, like not on everyone else,” she told Kamil.

Kamil was annoyed but apologized, but only for the way he answered the question, which Caitlin called “lacklustre.”

That wasn’t the end of the discussion. Mike and Stacy told Kamil and Caitlin the reason they were being “targeted” by other people was because they spent so much time apart from the rest of the group.

Mike suggested Kamil go on other dates, like Mike had, to be sure his relationship with Caitlin was a “10 out of 10.”

Kamil disagreed. “Once you find something special in life I feel like you should keep it close,” he retorted, adding that he’d be happy to leave Paradise right then and there with Caitlin and make it work in the real world.

“That sounds like love to me. Would you say then you’re in love?” Mike asked.

Neither was willing to fess up to that.

It didn’t end there because the next day Kamil chastised Caitlin for not having his back and making a “big deal” over his checking people out comment. “I don’t feel I need to reassure you all the time,” Kamil said. Caitlin was aghast and said in her confessional she felt like she was being gaslit.

I think Mike’s right. One of these two should go on a date with a different person.

Onwards! A new day brought a new arrival: fan contestant Iva from Calgary.

Iva described herself as “aggressive in my pursuit.” Even “I got shade for days” Joey called her “blunt” for the way she fired questions at the men.

Josh Guvi gets to know Iva Mikulic, perhaps more than he bargained for.

But Josh found her “spicy” and agreed to go on a date. His current romantic interest, Lisa, kind of took it in stride, calling Josh “the Bachelor in Paradise.”

As for the date, it was all fun and games when it came to flying on a trapeze; less so when Iva demanded that Josh dump Lisa. “You make out with her I’ll fucking throw you in the lake,” Iva said. Well, all righty then.

Iva’s demand might have carried more weight if Josh had enjoyed making out with her. But when a producer asked Josh about his kiss with Iva, he kind of grimaced and diplomatically declared himself “undecided.”

Josh told Lisa all about the ultimatum when he came back to the beach. “Does that mean me and her are gonna have a problem?” asked Lisa. “I am the last person somebody wants a problem with. I’m small, but I’m mighty.”

Speaking of problems, Angela definitely had one.

The third new arrival was Maria, a Colombian-born, Toronto-raised designer who described herself as having Canadian “niceness” and Colombian “spice.”

To Joey, she was “a sweetheart of a girl,” someone he’d worked with in Toronto and gone on one unsuccessful date with. But as he gave Maria the lay of the Paradise land, Joey made it clear he had a deep connection with Vay — which didn’t make Vay any less jealous of the time Joey spent with Maria or the way he talked about her.

Guy after guy politely blew Maria off, letting her know they were taken — all except Brendan M. Brendan told Maria he was “definitely open” to “meeting new people and seeing if there’s possibility there.”

Uh oh.

When Brendan agreed to Maria’s date, he justified it by saying he and Angela had talked “in the past” about allowing each other to go on dates with new people, but the operative word was “past” — Angela clearly thought that kind of deal was behind them.

Angela summoned Brendan for a chat — the conversation they should have had before he agreed to go with Maria because tossing “All right?” over your shoulder as you walk away with someone else doesn’t really count. Brendan said he wanted Angela to just focus on what they had but also to give him the “respect” to go on this date.

Basically, he was unsympathetic to her distress, leaving her with a non-committal “Chat with you later,” not even a hug or a peck on the cheek.

Cold, dude, cold.

“It feels nice to be painted on,” said Brendan Morgan, with Maria Garcia-Sanchez. We bet!

He was all smiles when he and Maria met up to strip down to white bathing suits and throw paint on a drop sheet and each other, eventually rubbing it on each other’s bodies.

Still, Brendan hadn’t completely forgotten about Angela. As he and Maria shared drinks by a cosy fire, Brendan admitted he really wanted to kiss her but refrained because he didn’t want to disrespect Angela.

Bad news, Brendan, the “disrespect” horse bolted before you shut your lips, er, the barn door.

Angela was back at the beach, telling her besties Illeana and Caitlin she wasn’t sure she could completely trust Brendan anymore.

And then Brendan dropped the equivalent of a cow patty on the whole situation by returning from his date, spotting Angela with her friends and manoeuvring Maria over to a beach bed instead of talking to Angela.

Hey Brendan, I think we’ve solved the mystery of why you’re not in a committed relationship yet. You clearly have no idea how to commit!

Next week, it looks like neither Angela nor Maria is happy with Brendan M. There’s more tension between Joey and Vay over Maria. Iva continues her dogged pursuit of not only Josh but Mike. And is that Kevin Wendt’s lovely fiancee, Astrid Loch, helping him introduce the “Camp Paradise Twisted Talent Show”?

You can tune in next Sunday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And don’t forget “Bachelor After Show: After Paradise” at 9:30 p.m. If you want to talk Paradise with me you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Edited to correct the spelling of Sasa.

Day 1 team under threat on Bachelor in Paradise Canada

November 1, 2021 /
Illeana Pennetto went on two dates on “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.” Hint: neither
of them was with Brendan Scanzano. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos courtesy of Citytv

Do you know what happens when a dog pees to mark its territory? Every other dog that walks by tries to pee on that exact spot.

So there’s a big flaw in Kamil Nicalek’s analogy suggesting he’s warning other men off his territory at Camp Paradise, i.e. Caitlin, the same way his dog does when he takes a leak. That’s not how it works, bro.

Take Brendan Scanzano, for instance. No one has marked his figurative territory better than him since “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” began, with him and Illeana virtually inseparable since Day 1.

But if you want to stick with the pee analogy, new arrival Adam Kunder unleashed a veritable fire hose on Brendan’s turf in Sunday’s episode when he took Illeana on not one but two dates.

How will this triangle work out? We’ll have to wait till next week to find out where Illeana bestows her rose.

But given that the strongest couple on the beach appears to be threatened, Lisa Mancini might have had the right idea when she joked on a previous episode about having a “Bachelor” show for friendships. Four weeks into “Paradise Canada,” the bromances and womances are looking more solid than any boy-girl pairing.

Kamil Nicalek was throwing shade on Sunday, mostly toward new arrival Adam Kunder.

For instance, Kamil was boiling mad and ready to defend his best friend Brendan S, to the point that his aggressive attitude was freaking Caitlin out. (Although to be clear, the most he threatened to do was to flick Adam’s backwards baseball cap off his head.) I kind of get Kamil’s defensiveness. I don’t want to see Brendan get hurt either, although Caitlin also has a point: Illeana is a grown-ass woman and can make her own decisions.

Not everyone was pulling for Brendan S and Illeana. Joey expressed the opinion that Illeana was being “suffocated” by Brendan and told him to his face he was like “a lost little puppy” following Illeana home.

On a more thoughtful note, Joey also theorized that Brendan — who shared how much he longed for a regular family life since his parents had split up when he was 3 — was looking for a committed relationship to help him feel whole. So maybe we’ll just call him Dr. Joey from now on.

Brendan was already fretting about Illeana’s level of commitment the night before Adam arrived when she left him to chat first with Alex and then Jeremy. (And I have to come clean here. I said last week that the promo showed Alex kissing Illeana, but that was Kit he was smooching. Sorry, wrong blond.)

To put things in perspective, these folks had been hanging out for just seven days by the time Adam showed up. That’s more summer vacation romance than put a ring on it, although Brendan said he was ready to leave Paradise with Illeana.

On the other hand, Illeana did tell Brendan during a romantic hot tub encounter, “There’s really no way that someone could come in and take your place.”

So how did she go from that to telling besties Angela and Caitlin that she got “a lot deeper” with Windsor, Ontario firefighter Adam after just one date?

Well, kissing had something to do with it, lots and lots of kissing. Sure, Illeana might say it was the fact she and Adam both like to meditate and journal (although he calls his daily entry a “mission statement”), and that they had deep conversation (he told her he’d been engaged and had a friend die in a tragic accident), but Adam himself hit the nail on the head: “The sexual chemistry is out of control.”

Illeana Pennetto and Adam Kunder, reigning queen and king of “Paradise” triangles.

Bartender Kevin Wendt, who has a front-row seat to all the action, told other cast members that “from minute 2 to hour 5, they were just making out,” “they” being Illeana and Adam.

It’s worth noting this isn’t the first time we’ve seen a “Bachelor” show makeout sesh in a bouncy castle — yes, I’m talking about Nick Viall and Corinne Olympios — although at least Illeana didn’t straddle Adam, not that we saw on camera anyway.

But let’s take a break from the Illeana, Adam and Brendan S show to talk about other folks.

The only person as disappointed as Brendan to see Adam arrive was Chris.

He put on his best man bun in anticipation of a new woman hitting the beach and possibly saving his ass from elimination, but nope, just another dude.

Oh well, there’s always a friendship rose from Lisa. Oops, wait, is that Lisa kissing Josh in a hot tub?

Yeah, the Josh and Angela flirtation from last episode lasted only as long as it took for Brendan Morgan to reclaim Angela after she got back from her date with Josh. She admitted to “a smooch” with Josh but melted when Brendan told her, “Honestly, today has kind of been an eye-opening day for me. It helped me realize how much I actually like you.”

So Josh rediscovered his admiration for Lisa being her quirky, cos-playing self. Lisa felt he was being genuine and not just rose-hunting, and I’d like to believe that too, because I want nothing but good things for Lisa. But if Josh truly is a “Bachelor Nation” fan, as the cast list claims, he probably knows how to play the game.

So who did Chris zero in on when Lisa’s rose seemed uncertain? Would you believe Vay?

Chris Kotelmach with Veronique “Vay” Paquette, his third shot after Caitlin and Stacy.

Not only did he tell Vay he had more than a casual interest in her, he asked Joey, Vay’s Paradise flame, to consider sending her on a date with Chris. Like I’ve said before, the dude’s got some balls.

Joey, with an eye roll, described Chris’s manoeuvres as throwing a hook in the water but without any bait on the hook. He also speculated Chris would hit on the camera woman next.

You might be wondering why Chris would ask Joey to send him on a date. It’s because Joey was given a card that invested him with the power to send any two of his fellow campers on a rendezvous.

He flirted with the idea of sending Adam on another date, but with Caitlin this time, who was down with it. She was feeling underappreciated by Kamil, given how much attention he’d focused on supporting his buddy Brendan S, and also stressed since Brendan and Illeana were both friends.

But, in the end, Joey sent Adam and Illeana on yet another date.

Why? I suspect producer influence had more to do with it than Adam’s promise of Calgary Stampede tickets.

This time it was a hockey date, but the scoring appeared to be about tongues in mouths rather than pucks in nets.

Still, Illeana intimated that Adam wasn’t a shoo-in for her rose.

So next week we find out who she’s gonna pick. Meanwhile, Lisa stresses over who to give her rose to (given Chris’s entertainment value to the producers, my money would be on him). There’s also more tension between Kamil and Adam. And is there trouble ahead for Kamil and Caitlin, the other longest lasting couple in Paradise so far?

In the promo, we hear Mike Ogilvie saying that “Kamil is just on a downward spiral on his way out of Paradise” and “I’m Mack truck Mike and if you don’t move over I’m gonna run you off the road.” Is that Caitlin we see Mike asking out on a date? I don’t know for sure, but that’s definitely Stacy crying.

You can tune in next Sunday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And don’t forget “Bachelor After Show: After Paradise” at 9:30 p.m. If you want to talk Paradise with me you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

More men mean more drama on Bachelor in Paradise Canada

October 25, 2021 /
Illeana Pennetto, Angela Amezcua, Lisa Mancini and Caitlin Clemmens share a laugh — possibly at the expense of the men on “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos courtesy Citytv

You know that old saying “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”? Substitute beach bed for bush and you’ve kind of got the theme of this week’s “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.”

As chill as it seems at Camp Paradise — and the vibe is definitely more laidback than on the American show — there is just a titch of strategy involved in this dating game.

This week’s rose givers are next week’s rose receivers, after all. So if you’re going to double dip — I’m looking at you Chris and Brendan M — best do it in a way that doesn’t piss off the person you’re counting on to buy you a few more days of sun and sand.

You’ll recall that last week‘s end-of-episode drama was about Chris ditching Stacy at the cocktail party so he could explore his “connection” with Caitlin, pissing off both Stacy and Kamil, who’d been attached to Caitlin at the lip for the better part of the episode.

The cliffhanger, if you will, was about who would get Chris’s rose. So it goes without saying that on Sunday Chris was ahead of Kamil in the rose ceremony order, just to stoke the illusion he might give it to Caitlin instead of Stacy — although Caitlin was very clear that she didn’t want it.

Well, duh, of course Chris gave the rose to Stacy and Stacy took it, with a caveat: “I do want to make this clear that after today’s events I will no longer be pursuing where this goes,” i.e. I’ll take your rose now, but then you can stuff it where the sun don’t shine.

I love Stacy!

Five of the roses were locked in: Brendan S gave his to Illeana, Brendan M to Angela, Joey to Vay, Jeremy to Kit and Kamil to Caitlin. The only mystery was David, who had to choose between Ana — a woman he barely knew but whom he’d at least kissed — and Lisa, whom he knew a little too well since she was still pissed about him ghosting her three years ago.

Ana Cruz and Lisa Mancini wait, roseless, to see who David is going to choose.

I honestly thought Lisa was a goner, but I guess I underestimated the power of producer suggestion. David said he was giving his rose to “someone who I feel has had a rough go and I’m hoping by giving her another week she can find what she’s looking for.” Lisa accepted it as an “apology rose.”

When Ana left, David cried, but neither she nor Lisa had any sympathy for him. Ana said he was just trying to redeem himself and Lisa said he was “trying to save face so he doesn’t look like a complete D-bag.”

Wow, tough crowd!

The next day, Chris had shifted from talking about how he had a right to his “process” to saying he’d made “some mistakes.” Ya think? And his mood was about to get glummer because here came a new cast member whom even the other men described as a Greek god — although Alex Bordyukov of “The Bachelorette” and “Bachelor in Paradise Australia” is actually Russian-American.

Joey said Alex Bordyukov had that “tall, dark and handsome thing going on.”

Alex had a date card, naturally, and Lisa pounced on him before he could even finish saying that he wanted to talk to all the girls.

“Lisa is a sweetheart but my goodness, if the girl would just try less,” Joey said. “Too desperate, too thirsty: guys can read it from a mile away.”

Also, her conversational approach needed polish. She started by telling Alex her time in Paradise had been stressful then pointing out who was already coupled up, and then Stacy, also unattached but perhaps a bit less thirsty, interrupted before Lisa could tell Alex anything about herself.

In any event, he chose Kit for the date and they went canoeing. They didn’t seem to connect in any significant way. Kit was smitten with Alex’s vocabulary and how smart he seemed, but we didn’t see them kiss.

Back at the beach, Chris asked Stacy to talk, but if he had any hope in hell of getting a second chance with her, she quickly shot that down.

Chris claimed his chat with Caitlin had been about clearing the air with her so he could move forward with Stacy without distractions.

Stacy wasn’t buying that, nor is anyone else, I suspect.

“This is too much drama too early on for me to want to dabble in something I was not 100 per cent sure on,” Stacy said.

“Let’s hug it out, let’s be friends,” she added and the look on Chris’s face over her shoulder was one of pure dread.

Chris’s really bad day was about to get even worse. There was another new arrival: Mike Ogilvie from “The Bachelorette Canada,” a.k.a. “Eight-pack Mike,” according to Chris.

Funny, self-deprecating and with a so far hidden eight pack: firefighter Mike Ogilvie arrived.

Lisa took another swing and a miss with Mike; it was Stacy he zeroed in on. Turns out they had met and gone dancing in Vancouver, and Mike wanted to pick up where they left off. So did Stacy.

They went on a wood-chopping and s’mores date, and I am shipping these two so hard — especially after they shared a s’more “Lady and the Tramp” style, and Mike got marshmallow on his chin and Stacy wiped it off as they laughed. They are adorable together.

Mike told Stacy she was a shining light in a “world full of fakeness and negativity.” Then they had a good long smooch.

So I wasn’t feeling it the next day when Brendan M took Stacy for a conversation that ended up on a beach bed, with Brendan shirtless. Brendan said he was confused about his relationship with Angela because he still had feelings for both Angela and Stacy, but he didn’t want to be “attached by the hip” to Angela like Brendan S and Illeana. Although he described Angela as potential “wifey material.” Seriously? Wifey? OK-ey.

Brendan Morgan seems to be caught between Angela Amezcua and Stacy Johnson.

Brendan M claimed he didn’t want to have his cake and eat it too, but from Angela’s perspective it sure looked like he was chowing down on cake.

“I feel disrespected. I feel like he’s making me look stupid,” Angela said.

Luckily for her, a new man arrived who was totally Angela’s type: Josh Guvi, a filmmaker, actor and model from Vancouver.

Mind you, it looked like the third time might be the charm for Lisa, who bonded with Josh over their “Star Wars” fandom. He also seemed impressed that she made her living as a cos player. But then Angela swooped in, complimenting Josh’s dimples and flirting over his sideline as a fitness model.

Filmmaker, model and actor Josh Guvi turned several heads when he hit the beach.

Sorry Lisa. Angela and Josh went on a sort of adult version of a bouncy castle date with a couple of trampolines tethered to a blow-up raft. They did, as the date card said, bounce. They also kissed.

I’m not sure Brendan M could see that from shore, but he was feeling “a little jealous.” So, like, you mean the way Angela felt watching you with Stacy? Shoe’s on the other foot and all that.

There was one last bit of drama on the beach involving Kamil, Caitlin, Vay and Joey.

I’m not sure if Kamil is jealous or just incredulous that Vay pivoted to Joey so quickly after Kamil threw her off for Caitlin.

Kamil Nicalek threw shade at Joey Kirchner’s relationship with Vay Paquette.

When Kamil and Vay ended up at the bar together, he told Vay he knew “in real life” she wouldn’t go for Joey.

“Who would you see me with?” Vay asked.

“No one that’s available right now,” said Kamil, adding, “It is very early. Nothing’s set in concrete.”

That sure sounded like a hint that if Caitlin wasn’t in the picture Kamil would be Vay’s guy.

Vay perceived it as Kamil “mindfucking” her, which she shared with Jeremy, who — because he’s in a bromance with Joey and also because it’s good for drama — shared it with him.

Saddle up cowboy! We were meant to think violence would ensue when Joey charged over to demand that Kamil stop talking shit about Joey and Vay. Even Jeremy seemed to think it was a possibility, clutching at Joey’s arm and urging him to “Use your words.”

That impression was stoked further by Joey’s speech about how a stud horse in the pasture (him) would come to the defence of a mare (Vay) who was being scared by a coyoot (Kamil). “That stud’s gonna come through. And I’ll tell you what’s gonna be left of the face of the coyoot. Not so much,” he said.

In actual fact, Kamil and Joey had nothing more than a testy verbal exchange, which resulted in Kamil passively aggressively claiming he had no issue with the “space cowboy” and Joey telling Kamil, “Buddy, don’t start chirpin'” before he walked away.

The other conflict involved Caitlin’s continued fear that Vay was making a play for Kamil, Vay’s unease with Caitlin’s dislike of her and Caitlin’s annoyance that Kamil was getting in the middle of their beef.

So Caitlin and Vay had a one-on-one of their own during which Caitlin admitted she was pissed that Vay took Kamil on a date and also said she didn’t respect the way Vay handled “a lot of situations” in the workplace.

I’d love to have heard more about that part, but instead Caitlin concluded with something namby-pamby about how she wanted both herself and Vay “to have a happy time here and find our person.”

Next week: Chris tries to find redemption in a friendship rose from Lisa; Kamil decides to imitate his dog and mark his territory; Caitlin feels pushed “to the wayside”; Angela admits to Brendan Morgan that Josh gave her “a smooch” (um, sorry sweetie, it was more than one); Illeana gets kissy with Alex, prompting Brendan Scanzano to say he’ll leave.

You can tune in next Sunday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And don’t forget “Bachelor After Show: After Paradise” at 9:30 p.m. If you want to talk Paradise with me you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo


It’s kiss and run for one woman on Bachelor in Paradise Canada

October 18, 2021 /
The “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” cast in Episode 2 and yes, there’s an extra woman.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, including screen shots, courtesy of Citytv

If you want to couple up you better pucker up.

Kissing is both currency and communication on a “Bachelor” show. You want to stick around and buy yourself air time? Start sucking face, buttercup.

It was too much for Alice Li, the winner of a contest in which Canadians chose the “Perfect Companion” — although one wonders how much the Toronto accountant, listed as one of the Bachelor Nation fan contestants, knew going into “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.”

After kissing new arrival David — more on him later — she bowed out of a “Sadie Hawkins” dance that was such a smooch fest it must have set a record for a simultaneous “Bachelor” makeout sesh. It reminded me of an old-fashioned high school dance — if all the chaperones had suddenly gone blind or stopped giving a shit about their horny teenage charges.

Alice sat out the Sadie Hawkins dance and then the rest of the season.

Anyway, Alice eliminated herself the next day, explaining she was looking for “that emotional connection before any physical steps,” i.e. she wasn’t keen on kissing strangers.

It probably didn’t help that she went on a date with David Pinard, a Toronto actor and musician whose claim to fame on “The Bachelorette Canada” was giving the star the impression he was more interested in furthering his career than in her. Though David claimed to have turned over a new leaf, the rest of the Paradise cast wasn’t buying it.

“That was so fake,” Brendan Scanzano said after David teared up on hearing that Alice had left. “Get the fuck out of here. Are you kidding me bro?” was Joey’s, ahem, measured reaction. David claimed he was going to give Alice his rose, this despite making it clear on their archery date that he wouldn’t put his eggs in anyone’s basket until he’d met “everyone” in Paradise.

And everyone included Ana, David’s date at the Sadie Hawkins — not Sadie Hopkins, Sarah Hoskins or Sarah Hopkins, by the way; it’s just a dance to which the women invite the men.

Couples pair off for the Sadie Hawkins dance in Paradise.

Before we get into who danced and smooched with whom (to Dean Brody’s “Canadian Summer” and OK, very Canadian, but must we ape the U.S. franchise’s country music fetish?), let’s back up and explore how last week‘s triangles resolved themselves, for the time being anyway.

You’ll recall that real estate agents Kamil and Caitlin were paired up until Caitlin’s real estate frenemy Vay arrived and took Kamil on a date, but then Caitlin snuggled with inventor Chris as a backup. Meanwhile, ex-CFL player Brendan Morgan was wooing both model Angela and interior design student Stacy.

Stacy decided to extricate herself from her triangle. Then Chris, after watching Caitlin in an intense kiss-a-rama with Kamil, decided to read the body language, er, the writing on the wall.

That’s about the time Stacy came around to check on Chris. Stacy said she was being a “friend,” but a teary-eyed Chris saw it as a sign from the Paradise gods. In fact, he told Stacy he’d wanted to meet her ever since seeing her on “Bachelor Canada.”

Chris Kotelmach shares his truth with new Paradise interest Stacy Johnson.

Inevitably, they kissed. Chris seemed to have upped his game a little from last week’s episode. Whereas Caitlin called Chris’s smooch “forced and a little unnatural,” Stacy said it “wasn’t bad.”

Not exactly high praise, but then again, Stacy seemed to have no problem locking lips with Chris on the beach as they slow danced.

And then there was Vay. Kamil at least had the courtesy to tell her he was vacating her for Caitlin before launching himself at Caitlin’s mouth. But Vay was having a hard time picturing herself as anybody’s second choice. “I already know I’m not your person. If you were my person, a connection with Caitlin wouldn’t stop that,” she told Kamil, a tad peevishly.

Vay then set her sights on Joey. I know, I know: Toronto glam girl and Alberta cowboy, who’d have thunk it? But they bonded when Joey opened up about his best friend who died when Joey was 14, coincidentally on April 27, Vay’s birthday. And also, they both liked the way the other kissed.

See, always back to the kissing.

So there were five matched sets going into the Sadie Hawkins, including Brendan S and Illeana, and Brenda M and Angela. That left David and Jeremy as the wildcards.

Once David had been claimed by Ana and Alice had bowed out, Jeremy had to decide between cos player Lisa and her roommate, model and content creator Kit. After kissing both of them he chose Kit, adding to what David ironically called Lisa’s “bad day.”

Why ironic? Because David was a big part of the reason she was having a bad day.

David Pinard bellies up to Kevin’s bar with Joey Kirchner and Lisa Mancini in the background.

The deets as Lisa relayed them to bartender Kevin Wendt: she and David went on a bunch of dates in Toronto, then she got invited to an “adult summer camp” as an influencer and David asked to tag along, but once there ignored her, told everybody he was famous and had sex with someone else. And that was the last time she spoke to him in the three years until he walked up to the Paradise bar.

David, Lisa said, “is like a used greasy car salesman . . . You won’t find out what a piece of crap you just paid for until it’s too late.”

David’s version was that Lisa wanted more than he could give and he tried to apologize after things ended in a way that “wasn’t the best,” but she wouldn’t respond to his overtures. FYI: I don’t think anyone believed his version, except maybe Ana.

Sadly, David was Lisa’s only chance at getting a rose — and no, after two episodes we still haven’t had a rose ceremony!

As weird as it would be to accept a rose from David, I’d be here for it if it meant Lisa could stick around. She’s funny and quirky and we need both those things in Paradise.

The status of Lisa’s rose wasn’t the only drama brewing as the rose ceremony crept near.

I have no idea why Chris thought it a good idea to ditch Stacy to talk to Caitlin so he could “understand the connection” they had — well, fine, drama — but he interrupted Caitlin and Kamil to ask Caitlin if she was interested in exploring “what we had.”

Dude, you had a couple of conversations and a kiss, but OK, let’s roll with it.

“I feel like you might be looking for an answer that I don’t think I can give,” was Caitlin’s ultimate response, given while a peeved Kamil hovered.

Kamil Nicalek and Chris talk Caitlin. “It’s gonna get scrappy,” Chris said.

Chris either has balls or he’s really good at taking producer direction because his next move was to approach Kamil to further stake his claim on Caitlin’s attention.

“Why are you coming for my girl?” Kamil asked.

“She’s not your girl,” Chris responded. “I have a very strong connection with Caitlin.”

“The connection is terminated,” said Kamil.

“I still feel something,” Chris argued.

“Chris, you can feel it for forever, but she’s not reciprocating that to you,” said an exasperated Kamil, following up with “What about Stacy?”

Chris walked away without answering Kamil’s repeated question — “Who ya gonna pick?” — and Kamil threw his drink in the sand. It wasn’t quite Aaron going nose to nose with Thomas and/or Ivan, and the drink glass was plastic, but we’ll take it.

So next week: a rose ceremony; comely new arrivals Alex Bordyukov, Mike Ogilvie and Josh Guvi as the women take the power of the rose; Brendan M waffling between Angela and Stacy . . . again; and Kamil pissing off Joey by suggesting that Vay’s too good for him.

You can tune in next Sunday at 8 p.m. on Citytv to see how it turns out. And don’t forget “Bachelor After Show: After Paradise” at 9:30 p.m. If you want to talk Paradise with me you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

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