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Tag: Bachelor in Paradise (Page 2 of 2)

One couple finds heartbreak at the Bachelor in Paradise prom

September 29, 2021 /
The remaining cast of “Bachelor in Paradise” cut loose at a 1980s-style prom.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

“Bachelor in Paradise” got nostalgic on Tuesday, sending the remaining cast members to a 1980s-themed prom. And if you think about it, some of the plot developments in the penultimate episode of the season would have been at home in an ’80s movie.

A villain got caught in a lie and got his comeuppance; a new girl got shunned but then got a date after all; a popular couple got named prom king and queen. But if it was a real ’80s movie, Noah and Abigail would have settled their differences and we would have left them kissing while a synthesizer-heavy song played over the end credits.

Instead, the Day 1 couple appeared to have broken up, one of the more surprising twists in an episode filled with them — they even got voted couple most likely to live happily ever after at the prom, for crying out loud.

But Noah told Abigail he didn’t think she was his person and we left her crying in a bathroom. We’ll get back to them later.

First things first, we had the unfinished business from last week of Ivan and Aaron feuding over Chelsea. To refresh your memory, Aaron was coupled up with Chelsea, but then she and Ivan started flirting and kissing right in front of Aaron. So Aaron got in Ivan’s face to the point we were supposed to believe it might get physical (it didn’t).

To Aaron, it was a clear case of Ivan making a desperate, last ditch attempt to get a rose, but the rest of the beach seemed to side with Ivan, especially after he claimed Chelsea was the one who asked him to talk. Except it was a lie.

Ivan got caught in the lie, both by Chelsea denying it and, for those of us watching at home, by footage of him asking Chelsea to chat. And that’s not all.

Turns out Ivan only wanted Chelsea’s rose so he could hang around and wait for Alexa from Peter Weber’s season to arrive (no, I don’t remember her either).

I assume a lot of people thought Ivan and Chelsea had already hooked up after last week’s teaser that something had happened in the hotel where the cast waited out the tropical storm. Instead, Ivan spent several hours with Alexa, who was at the hotel waiting to join the cast, after seeing her room number on a producer’s phone screen.

Clearly Ivan was set up. In what universe does a producer just happen to leave their phone in a cast member’s room with classified information right there on the screen? I don’t think any of the contestants so much as fart without the producers knowing about it.

Ivan Hall comes clean to other cast members with Wells Adams looking on.

But Ivan — coincidentally, the second man from the Clayshia “Bachelorette” season to go from fan favourite to villain after Brendan Morais — had dug his own hole by lying and verbally attacking Aaron so his only choice was to send himself home. First he got a talking to from Riley, though, who had staunchly defended Ivan against Aaron. “We’re supposed to be better than that, man. We’re better men,” Riley told him. Well, maybe you are.

With Ivan gone, eight women handed out roses with utterly predictable results. If you hadn’t figured out that Natasha was going to choose Ed over Brendan defender Dr. Joe, and that Tia was picking James over Blake — her dancing vagina notwithstanding — you weren’t paying attention.

Dr. Joe and Blake departed, along with Demar.

But with the balance of power shifting back to the men, new women were bound to arrive — although it always seems a bit sadistic to bring new cast members in just before the end when everybody’s already coupled up.

And, indeed, Anna Redman, one of the villains from Matt James’ “Bachelor” season who arrived with date card in hand, was shut down by Kenny and Thomas, who were sticking with Mari and Becca. But she lucked out with James Bonsall and can you blame him? Tia had given him a rose but only after her dalliance with Blake, so they weren’t exactly a sure thing.

Anna and James on their date when they weren’t being turned into human pastries.

As it turned out, Anna and James bonded after yet another weird date — I mean, who put the person with the food fetish in charge of all the dates this season?

First, they turned themselves into human churros, i.e. Mexican doughnuts, by rolling in sugar and drizzling chocolate on each other. Then, after rinsing off, they got his and hers massages with really big snakes on each of their backs. Like, WTAF?

It was nothing a few flutes of champagne and a makeout session in a hot tub couldn’t make better.

Then it was Mykenna Dorn’s turn to taste rejection. The Canadian fashion blogger from Peter’s season, whom we saw at the Paradise VIP party a few episodes ago, also zeroed in on men who were already taken, including Thomas and Riley. But it seemed like she might have a shot with Aaron, who wasn’t exactly acting like he was committed to Chelsea — except Aaron turned down Mykenna’s invitation.

Mykenna cried — and cried and cried — while the other cast members stood around and watched her from a distance. And then they all gawked some more when Ed rode (well, walked really) to the rescue and asked Mykenna to take him on the date. Mykenna very nearly rejected him but finally relented after Ed assured her they’d have fun even if they hated each other.

Mykenna’s tears had dried after she and Ed had their disco date.

By the time they rollerbladed their way to dinner in a disco ball-festooned room, Mykenna had developed a new appreciation for Ed’s “dreamy eyes” and also his lips.

But the downside to Ed’s chivalry was that Natasha found herself odd woman out — again. First Brendan strung her along waiting for Pieper to arrive, then Dr. Joe froze her out in loyalty to Brendan and now Ed appeared to be dumping her for Mykenna. Is it any wonder she stayed in bed “sick” while everybody else put on gaudy clothes and went off to the prom?

But before that happened, there was some trouble in Paradise, pun intended, for two of the established couples.

Kenny told Mari after the rose ceremony he had doubts about their long-term prospects, not to mention their passion — sour cream sucking be damned — because he felt she wasn’t as sure about him as he was about her.

The solution turned out to be a visit to the beach from a bruja, or witch, who had Mari and Kenny waft smoke on each other, stare deeply into a mirror and rub candles on each other’s bodies and — presto chango! — they were back to smooching happily on a beach bed.

And then there were Noah and Abigail. Abigail had confessed to Wells, doing double host and bartending duty, that she wasn’t as secure with Noah as everybody thought because she wasn’t sure how he felt about her. But when Noah told Abigail he was falling in love with her, she didn’t say it back.

But never mind the foreboding for a minute because prom!

I have to say that the “promposals” between Serena and Joe, and Becca and Thomas, and Maurissa and Riley, and Mari and Kenny were terribly sweet — yes, even Kenny holding a sign in front of his unmentionables.

There were racks of clothes and accessories for everyone to choose from — although according to Aaron, who said he’d never “been to the ’80s,” “based on the wardrobe selects I’m inclined to think everyone was a professional clown.”

Nonetheless, the cast took their ruffled and bowed and brightly coloured selves to a ballroom where a band was playing “Super Freak” and Wells was spiking the punch. There was even a guy sneaking out on the girl he’d come with to make out with another girl.

That would be Aaron, who grabbed Tia — the only woman there without a date — took her outside, put a corsage on her wrist and a serious smooching on her lips, all without bothering to say anything to Chelsea. As she eloquently put it, “As far as I’m concerned, he can kick rocks barefoot.”

Wells names Joe Amabile and Serena Pitt king and queen of the prom.

Wells gave out awards — Biggest Flirt to Kenny, Best Kisser of Toes to Maurissa — and named Joe and Serena prom king and queen. Besides the fact they are adorable together, they were the only couple Tuesday who acknowledged having had serious conversations about their post-Paradise future.

Maybe they should have been named couple most like to live happily ever after instead of Noah and Abigail.

Abigail said she was ready to tell Noah she was falling in love with him too, but before she got the chance Noah told her that despite his strong feelings for her, he wasn’t sure she was the perfect woman for him. He had a gut feeling, he said, that he’d been trying to ignore but that he was afraid wasn’t going to go away.

Noah and Abigail at the prom before Noah dropped his truth bomb.

Abigail said she felt blindsided and lied to, and escaped to the ladies room for a cry.

And that’s where we left things until next week’s season finale — which is another three hours, so brace yourselves.

The worst part is that the promo showed Joe’s ex Kendall coming back and I’m guessing she won’t be there to help Joe pick out an engagement ring for Serena, if he’s planning to go that route.

I mean what part of “Joe’s done with Kendall” do she and the producers not understand? Get lost Kendall. Go home and stuff some dead mice.

Whatever happens, you can watch it Tuesday at 8 p.m. on  Citytv.com. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

A tropical storm is the least of the drama on Bachelor in Paradise

September 22, 2021 /
The cast waits for a long-delayed rose ceremony on “Bachelor in Paradise.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos but screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

On Tuesday’s “Bachelor in Paradise,” the word love was being spread around almost as liberally as Kenny and Mari were drizzling each other with sour cream at their all you can eat off each other taco buffet.

It was an episode steeped in both the ridiculous (see: tacos) and the sublime, when bonds were strengthened, at least one heart was (re)broken, new connections were formed, others jeopardized, and a tropical storm that supposedly threatened to pull couples apart turned out to be a tempest in a teapot.

It ended with a different kind of disturbance as Aaron and Ivan went toe to toe over Chelsea and all of Bachelor Nation was left asking the question “What the hell did Ivan get up to in the hotel?”

Before we get to that part, let’s rewind to the start of yet another action-packed instalment.

So OK, Kendall. Maybe we can all agree that coming back to the place where you met your ex-boyfriend of two years for, um, “closure,” especially when said boyfriend had moved on to someone else and was romancing that person right in front of your eyes, wasn’t such a great idea.

Kendall Long was still pining for Joe Amabile in Paradise.

Kendall sort of twigged to that reality after watching her ex, Joe, and his new love, Serena, having a smooch fest on the beach, but she wanted to take one last kick at the can because “I’m not letting Joe’s relationship with Serena get in the way of my happiness anymore.”

Am I the only one who thinks Kendall got in the way of her own happiness when she broke up with Joe?

Kendall told Joe she never stopped loving him, and he was kind and supportive, holding her as she cried, but he told her he’d come to Paradise “because I knew it was over between us.”

So Kendall went home in tears and Joe went back to Serena, who then comforted him for feeling bad about his ex. Age difference be damned, I really like these two together and I’m glad Kendall isn’t around anymore to try to muck things up.

The next day, guest host Lil Jon claimed he was about to “turn this place upside down,” but he just meant that two new cast members were arriving, so business as usual.

The newbies were Ed Waisbrot from the Clare and Tayshia “Bachelorette” season — who will forever be known as the dude who had a date with Chris Harrison when he got lost trying to find Tayshia’s room — and fellow Clayshia contestant Demar Jackson.

Ed Waisbrot and Demar Jackson up the abs and pecs quotient in Paradise.

They arrived shirtless and ripped. Aaron quipped that Ed’s legs looked like “two thick Christmas hams. They’re absolutely massive. They would feed a whole village of cannibals.”

After a brief tease during which we were meant to think that Demar might be a threat to Riley’s and Maurissa’s relationship — he was not — he and Ed settled on Chelsea and Natasha for their double date.

It feels like the dates this season are focused either on food or people getting naked (or in some cases both). In this instance, Ed and Demar stripped down to briefs so Chelsea and Natasha could paint them, both figuratively and literally, as in spreading paint on their semi-nude bodies.

Natasha was enjoying Ed’s piercing blue eyes, his sense of humour and his depth, and I guess we’ll take her word for that last part.

Luckily for her, Ed did not seem to have an attachment to Brendan Morais, the dude who did her wrong, unlike her previous date, Dr. Joe. So there was plenty of laughing and kissing and, as Natasha put it, “Hallelujah, the vibes are here!”

Natasha Parker took the measure of Ed Waisbrot and liked what she saw.

Next up, it was Kenny’s and Mari’s turn to go on a date. At first I thought it was a cooking class since the chef who greeted them handed them aprons, but it was more of a build-your-own taco feast using their naked bodies as plates.

Mari and Kenny took turns disrobing and, their genitals covered with giant, fake leaves, lying on a table while their bodies were topped with tortillas and fillings and sour cream, which they spread on each other’s legs, arms, chest and stomach.

What made it even weirder is that the chef stayed in the room while they slurped chicken and beef and guacamole off each other’s body parts.

Mari Pepin-Solis and Kenny Braasch before the clothes came off.

It should come as no surprise they worked up enough of an, er, appetite to head to the boom boom room at the end of the date. But first they had what passes for a deep conversation in Paradise, avowing that they were falling in love with each other — something 40-year-old Kenny claimed to have never said to anyone other than his dog. So good luck with that Mari.

Speaking of deep conversations, Maurissa was desperate to have one with Riley because, despite how happy she said he made her, she worried that he wasn’t expressing his feelings.

Riley got tongue-tied trying to explain how he felt about Maurissa because it reminded him of his difficult relationship with his father and how his father had messed things up with his wife and kids despite how much he wanted a family, which was what Riley wanted too.

Maurissa Gunn and Riley Christian made it falling in L-word official.

After shedding some tears, Riley told Maurissa he was falling in love with her and vice versa.

So that’s three couples who have used the L-word to date, including Mari and Kenny, and Joe and Serena.

For Tia, it was more about the V-word as she tried to choose between nice guy James and bad boy Blake. James led Tia away for some private time to get to know more about her and her Arkansas hometown, but she lamented that “sometimes you have to just listen to your vagina. Kissing Blake makes my vagina dance and tingle and feel really nice.” But when she kissed James, “I just don’t feel a tingle in my vagina.”

Then Tia directly addressed her vagina for help making the decision. To the best of my knowledge, her vagina did not answer back.

As it happens, her decision was delayed when two men with walkie talkies showed up as the cast was eating the next day and told them a dangerous tropical storm was bearing down on the resort in Mexico and they had to evacuate immediately.

Would they be safe? And even more importantly, would all the couples survive their supposed separation? I mean, we saw the men and women being loaded into separate vans, but surely they were all being taken to the same hotel.

Despite the dramatic footage of time-lapsed clouds and wind and rain and lightning, everybody was back after one commercial break, the couples strolling onto the beach hand in hand. So not even Mother Nature is immune from being manipulated to fit a plot line.

Lil Jon greeted the returnees and told them the postponed cocktail party would start in one hour.

Tia was still trying to decide between Blake and James, but it looked like her lady parts were losing their influence.

Tia decided that Blake wasn’t making enough of an effort to show her she was special — like where the hell was his piece of wood with a stoplight painted on it to represent her small one-stoplight town?

Blake insisted that Tia and their relationship was all he cared about, but he didn’t have an answer when Tia asked why he hadn’t sought her out for a real conversation since their date. “I’m a simple person,” was his lame response.

I suspect Tia’s vaginal dance floor is going to be closed until further notice.

And then there was Ivan, whose prospects weren’t looking good since Kendall left. “Sad boy summer” was Aaron’s pithy description.

Aaron himself was feeling confident about his connection with Chelsea. Sure, she went on a date with Demar, but she rewarded Aaron with kisses when he built a catwalk in the sand in honour of Chelsea being a model and strutted for her.

But suddenly Ivan was leading Chelsea to a beach bed, and they were flirting and laughing and kissing, and walking hand in hand to the bar.

Declaring Ivan a “little snakey bitch bag,” Aaron confronted him. The episode ended with them right up in each other’s faces and the words “To be continued.”

So I guess we’ll find out if any punches get thrown in next week’s three-hour episode and also what the words “Something happened at the hotel” mean in relation to Ivan.

You can watch Tuesday at 8 p.m. on  Citytv.com. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

A ‘Brendan cloud’ hangs over Natasha on Bachelor in Paradise

September 15, 2021 /
Natasha Parker was the main focus of Tuesday’s “Bachelor in Paradise.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

If it wasn’t for the fact I’m pretty sure that Warner Bros. can’t control the weather, I’d suspect that “Bachelor in Paradise” producers cooked up that tropical storm we saw in next week’s promo just to mess with the cast members.

I mean think about what we saw on Tuesday’s episode.

Lovely Natasha Parker appeared to be on the chopping block after she’d been done dirty by clout chaser Brendan Morais and his girlfriend Pieper James (more on them later). But then, at the rose ceremony (just the third one in seven episodes, by the way), Wells Adams had “Bachelor” bouncer and stage manager Big Paulie bring out a special rose for Natasha.

Sweet, right?

Not so fast. Two new men arrived on the beach the next day. The first was someone Tia had her eye on, even though she was kind of coupled up with James. The second seemed like an answer to Natasha’s prayers except for one small detail: he’s one of Brendan’s best friends.

So if you think that pity rose was about Natasha getting a genuine second shot at love, think again. It’s a reminder that the real puppet masters weren’t Brendan and Pieper; they’re the people on the other side of the camera.

Speaking of Brendan and Pieper, they got a comeuppance of sorts on Tuesday — once Natasha and Demi and Jessenia reminded everyone that they’d done the same thing that Chris and Alana were accused of before they were run out of Paradise, i.e. already being in a relationship before they came on the show.

Natasha, Maurissa, Joe, Demi, Deandra and Jessenia have it out with Brendan and Pieper.

So “Grocery Store” Joe, who appears to be the sheriff of the beach, took a posse of women and confronted the guilty parties.

Brendan was still doing his “I wasn’t exclusive with Pieper” song and dance, although she was unequivocal that she came to Paradise for Brendan.

Brendan got snippy and walked away from the conversation, complaining about “Joe and his mob of disgruntled females” and “their pathetic attempt to intimidate me,” but it seems to have worked since he and Pieper decided to leave, together.

As Pieper put it, “Obviously I’m excited for the future possibility of making more money, but I would have got there on my own. Like, I have an entire master’s degree in marketing; I can figure out how to get a few more followers.”

And this from Brendan: “I didn’t intentionally want to mislead anyone. I just withheld information.”

Sounds like they’re perfect for each other.

With Brendan and Pieper gone, it was time to get back to the business of worrying who wouldn’t get roses that night, with eight men handing them out and 13 women looking to receive.

But hold that thought because first we had an edible interlude with Maurissa and Riley. In full view of the other contestants, they licked whipped cream off each other’s bodies, including Riley’s big toe.

Maurissa and Riley engage in some foot foreplay.

Wells called that “the grossest thing I’ve ever heard of,” since Riley had likely been walking on sand mixed with dead crab bodies. But he also said, “If you can suck on a toe you can get engaged at the end of this thing.”

The gauntlet has been thrown, people!

Riley and Maurissa even had time for a visit to the boom boom room, which makes you wonder just how long it takes for the rose ceremony to actually begin.

Enough time for Tammy to experience further humiliation, for one thing.

Tammy was hoping she and Thomas could pretend his date with Becca never happened, seeing as how she considered Thomas her “best friend” and someone who would be a great fit for her life.

But Thomas made it clear he had romantic feelings for Becca.

Tammy tries to put the eggs back in the basket with Thomas, on her birthday no less.

Tammy put up a fight, by which I mean she kept telling Thomas she wanted him in her life and questioning why he didn’t want her in his, but it was for naught.

Thomas gave her the “you did nothing wrong” speech, but she walked away crying, berating herself for having dumped Aaron for Thomas after people warned her not to trust him.

And did I mention it was Tammy’s birthday? “Last year I got COVID on my birthday and this is 10 times worse,” she lamented.

Hyperbolic though that comment may be, she at least devoured a chocolate cupcake in the SUV of Shame. I bet it tasted better than regrets.

Joining Tammy on the outs were Demi, Jessenia and Deandra.

The couples were Riley and Maurissa, Joe and Serena, Ivan and Kendall? — since when? — Noah and Abigail, Kenny and Mari, James and Tia, Thomas and Becca, and Aaron and Chelsea.

Then new guest host Lil Jon appeared, high-fiving everybody and spraying them with champagne.

So next day, fresh start for Natasha, right?

First some dude named Blake Monar showed up, whom nobody remembers from Clare Crawley’s “Bachelorette” season — well, except for Tia, who said “Blake is the one person I wanted to see here.” That’s apparently because of the tattoos all over his arms. Did we even see those tattoos in his brief three episodes on “Bachelorette”?

Tia Booth with newcomer Blake Monar. Not sure if her vagina had started dancing yet.

Blake was also into Tia, whether because he really does like southern women or because the producers told him to take her out, I don’t know, but they went on an off-roading date. And then they smooched in an outdoor shower and Tia said it made her “vagina dance.”

Wonder how the Bible study group will feel about that.

You want to know who wasn’t dancing? James and Natasha back at the beach, seeing as they were surrounded by people making out and reminding them they were alone. Kenny and Mari even went to the boom boom room, probably the same one he went to with Demi, but never mind.

And then a reprieve, for Natasha at least: Dr. Joe Park, the nice New York City anesthesiologist from Clare’s and Tayshia’s season, arrived. Everybody on the beach thought he was perfect for Natasha. We were supposed to think he was perfect for Natasha. They were vibing.

Natasha and Dr. Joe, back when we foolishly thought they might end up together.

When they went on their date and a bug landed in her big-ass margarita, he traded drinks with her. But then they started talking about why she was still single in Paradise and when Natasha told him it was because of Brendan, Dr. Joe responded, “Brendan? My Brendan?” And you knew they were toast.

Joe started talking vaguely about “what will be will be” and they ended the date, kissless.

“I just feel like there’s a Brendan cloud over me,” Natasha said.

We had just one more piece of business to attend to.

The other Joe, “Grocery Store” Joe, took Serena on a DIY date that involved a blanket, pillows and rose petals. And while they were being adorable together, Serena told Joe she was falling in love with him. “I think I’m falling in love with you too,” Joe responded.

After that they did an awful lot of smooching. No whipped cream, though, which is probably just as well since they were in his ex Kendall’s line of vision.

“I’m pretty heartbroken to see Joe kissing someone else,” Kendall said, claiming she’d come to Paradise to make new memories with other people, which sounds pretty sketchy to me. She blew off Ivan when he tried to kiss her.

We know that Kendall will share her angst with Joe next week; that the L-word will be flying between Kenny and Mari, and Maurissa and Riley. We also know that Ed and Demar from Clare’s and Tayshia’s season turn up, with the former making out with Natasha and the latter taking Maurissa on a date. We know that Ivan will piss off Aaron by kissing Chelsea. We know a “dangerous tropical storm” will mean evacuating the resort.

But the “end of Paradise”? Not on your life.

You can watch at 8 p.m. Tuesday on ABC or online at Citytv.com. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

A two-timer is banished from the beach on Bachelor in Paradise

September 8, 2021 /
“Bachelor in Paradise” “VIPs” at a party where the wheels came off for Chris Conran.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Does a villain by any other name smell as rank?

It seems a question worth asking since on Tuesday’s episode of “Bachelor in Paradise” Chris Conran stirred up a storm of moral outrage the likes of which I can’t remember seeing since supervillain Chad Johnson rampaged around the beach in 2016.

Yeah, Chris acted like a dick with a capital D, no question. He goes to a “VIP” party with Jessenia, the woman he allegedly came to Paradise for; Alana Milne, a Toronto contestant from Matt James’ Bachelor season, walks in and soon Chris is playing tonsil hockey with her in front of Jessenia and everyone else.

Not cool, no question. But was his flip-floppery worthy of them both being run off the beach, which is what happened at the end of the episode, after Chris and Alana had returned from a ziplining date?

Paradise’s version of judge, jury and executioner, led by Joe and Riley, decided that they must have had a pre-existing relationship — Alana said they had met a few times pre-Paradise — and told Chris to, in Jessenia’s words, “follow your heart and get the fuck out of here.”

(There’s a certain irony to the fact Chris said he had found a spark with Alana that he’d been missing with Jessenia, which is exactly what Jessenia said when she threw Ivan over for Chris. Karma, it’s a thing apparently.)

A rare moment between Alana and Chris at the party when they weren’t attached at the lips.

With Chris being banished, Alana had no choice but to go too. She would have been a pariah if she’d stayed. Chris suggested they leave together, but Alana sensibly pointed out that would mean they were pursuing a committed relationship “and after one day here I cannot tell you that.”

So to circle back to my first question: if Chris committed an unforgivable sin by throwing over one woman for another one he had met before, what about Brendan, who was very clearly in a pre-Paradise relationship before he screwed over Natasha by dumping her when his girlfriend Pieper showed up? And not just dumping her but saying insulting things about her, whereas Chris kept telling everyone how great Jessenia was.

“I feel the same way Jessenia feels,” said a puzzled Natasha. “You guys feel this strongly about Chris, but you don’t feel as strongly about my situation?”

Those chickens might come home to roost next Tuesday, according to the end-of-episode promos. We’ll see.

In the meantime, the game of musical partners continued with others besides Chris.

I’m sure you haven’t forgotten about Kenny, who started out with Mari, took up with Demi when Mari told him she was interested in dating other people, and then went on a date with Tia, putting him at the centre of the beach’s only lust quadrangle (so far).

Mari was trying to win Kenny back, a plan that was complicated when new guest host Tituss Burgess showed up and invited some of the cast to a “VIP” party. Demi and Kenny made the cut; Mari didn’t and she worried that Demi would use the bash to solidify her position with Kenny.

But here’s the thing: Demi’s only strategy for solidifying things apparently involved sex positions. Before Tituss showed up, she was still talking about getting Kenny back in the boom boom room.

Too bad for Demi that Kenny and Mari kissed and made up: it seems Kenny had feelings for Mari that he’d never felt before, which makes you wonder about this dude’s romantic history. He’s 40 and his most significant relationship to date is with someone he’s known for a few weeks and whom he was triple-timing?

When Kenny broke the news to Demi she ranted about how Mari was stuck up and mean and evil and a pageant girl, and why would Kenny want Mari instead of “someone like me who is playful and funny”? And then, when Kenny didn’t bite, she accused him of being “the most immature 40-year-old I’ve ever met in my life,” harsh words from an immature 26-year-old.

Meanwhile, the VIP party planted some other seeds of chaos, which was obviously the whole point.

Paradise newcomer Chelsea Vaughn chats with Thomas Jacobs at the party.

Chelsea Vaughn was one of four new women invited to the party and one of two, including Alana, who landed on the beach the next day with a date card in hand.

Chelsea chose to take Aaron, which was mildly annoying for former Bachelorette Becca Kufrin, who claimed she was interested in forming a relationship with him.

Aaron was quite taken by Chelsea’s legs, which he said were “two miles long”; Chelsea by Aaron’s eyes, which she described as “not regular brown.” It’s OK: you can pause and let the poetry wash over you.

Then, oh look: a date card arrives for Becca while Aaron is still out with Chelsea. And Becca, having had a “surprisingly good conversation” with Thomas at the party, decides to ask him on the date.

But Thomas was in a thing with Tammy, who had dumped Aaron for him, and now Thomas was going on a date with the woman who had saved Aaron’s ass after Tammy discarded him. Wow, you practically need a chart to keep up.

Becca asked Tammy’s permission first, and Tammy gave her blessing and then cried her eyes out after Becca and Thomas left.

The reaction she got was not quite as sympathetic as what was lavished on Jessenia.

“Tammy did it to herself,” said Maurissa, explaining that Aaron was like a “really good quarter” that was a little bit rusty, but Tammy got distracted by a “shiny penny.”

Aaron’s reaction, when he returned to the beach, was that Tammy deserved to cry: “She did me dirty and it’s coming back to bite her.”

So you probably don’t need me to tell you that Becca and Thomas hit it off, right? Complete with lots of smooching? No? Good. James was convinced that Thomas’s interest in Becca was mainly about her being a former Bachelorette, so higher in the pecking order than a former Bachelor villain.

In case you’re trying to keep track, Abigail and Noah, and Joe and Serena are the only Day 1 couples still going strong, unless you count Kenny and Mari getting back together.

Are there actually going to be any engagements at the end of this? Maybe the show should have budgeted for cubic zirconia instead of Neil Lane? Guess we’ll see.

Next week, Riley and Maurissa get into the whip cream; Kendall is not OK with Joe kissing Serena; next guest host Lil Jon shows up; general mayhem apparently ensues. Who knows? Maybe we’ll even get a rose ceremony.

You can watch at 8 p.m. Tuesday on ABC or online later at Citytv.com. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Pieper shows up for ‘boyfriend’ Brendan on Bachelor in Paradise

September 7, 2021 /
Brendan Morais became Bachelor Nation enemy No. 1 on Monday over his treatment of Natasha Parker. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

Brendan Morais isn’t the first man on “Bachelor in Paradise” to partner up with someone he’s not that into just to stick around until the person he really wants gets to the beach.

Where Brendan crossed the line from playa to stone cold villain in Monday’s episode was in his arrogant and disrespectful attitude to Natasha Parker, the woman he strung along for several weeks while he waited for Pieper James to show up.

Bad enough Brendan lied to Natasha’s face about the extent of his pre-show relationship with Pieper, but to tell a producer that Natasha had “zero prospects” on the beach outside of him? That is asshattery of a high degree.

Brendan repeated the insult in a face-to-face conversation with Natasha, telling her, “If you had any desire to talk to other guys or other guys had any desire to talk to you, it would have happened.”

Oh, and also that he and Natasha had never had a romantic relationship, and that he’d told her that but she had “selective hearing.”

Of course, in the footage that we saw just before Pieper made her entrance, Brendan told Natasha that he wasn’t a “manipulative person.” (Feel free to laugh here.) Also, “the times that we have spent together when we’re both feeling good . . . and being silly and doing our thing on the beach, and being goofy and all that stuff, that’s the reason I want to be with you.”

Which doesn’t exactly sound like someone being friend zoned.

Pieper hadn’t got the “pretend we’re not already together” memo so she read out her date card and invited Brendan without even a pretence of talking to any other men.

Brendan and Pieper as their evil plan starts to come to fruition.

Just how connected were Brendan and Pieper before Paradise?

Pieper got a little pissed with Brendan when he mentioned at dinner that he’d told other people they hadn’t been exclusively dating. But he explained, “If you have a full girlfriend going into Paradise it’s just not a good look . . . Obviously I was navigating this in a way to allow myself to potentially, hopefully be here while you’re here.”

She thanked him for “playing the game.”

“It makes me sad thinking you felt I was downplaying the connection that we had . . . You know how i feel about you, you know what we’ve talked about,” Brendan added.

We all kind of know now.

Pieper helpfully explained in her voice-over that Brendan was her boyfriend and that their plan all along had been to continue their relationship in Paradise — presumably with visions of sponcon dancing in their heads.

By the next day, when Brendan and Pieper were mooning over each other all over the beach, everybody had figured that out. And the consensus seemed to be they should leave Paradise.

When they weren’t throwing shade at Natasha — Brendan: “I was just getting so annoyed by her. I’m surprised she’s still here” — they were giggling about their Instagram followers, the tabloid attention they expected to get and how Brendan had “incriminated” himself.

The really funny part was that the pair apparently lost thousands of Instagram followers while the show was airing.

All the Brendan-Pieper drama sucked attention from the other two triangles on the beach.

Joe Amabile and ex-fiancee Kendall Long reunite on the beach.

You’ll recall that last Tuesday‘s episode ended with Kendall arriving and making a beeline for her former fiancé Joe.

Her appearance turned out to be more of a production trick than a genuine attempt to reconcile. She told Joe she still wanted him in her life but also doubled down on her refusal to move to Chicago to be with him. And I’m assuming he doesn’t want to move to L.A. and that the long distance thing didn’t work out so, um, I guess there’s really nothing to talk about then?

Although Joe claimed to be confused, he seemed pretty decisive about continuing his relationship with Serena, telling her he was over Kendall but if anything changed he would be 100 per cent honest with her about it.

The other drama involved Demi, who kind of lost her shit when Kenny came back from his nude volleyball date with Tia and immediately walked off with Mari, who told Kenny she still had feelings for him and she’d pushed him away because she got scared over feeling so strongly about him.

Kenny didn’t leap back into Mari’s arms right away, but he turned down Demi’s invitation to go to the boom boom room, and it looked like he and Mari were snuggling the next day, so I guess Demi will have to find another man to steal.

“I think Mari sucks, I think she’s mean, I think she’s a brat, I think she’s entitled and I don’t like her,” Demi fumed.

Hello pot, may I introduce you to kettle?

The only other development worth noting is that Noah and Abigail got back together, confessing that they still cared about each other and vowing to communicate better.

At this point, I would hate to declare any couple a sure thing, but there’s no denying that Noah and Abigail seem better together than apart.

That’s it until Tuesday night’s dose of drama, which promises more hostility from the rest of the cast toward Brendan and Pieper; four new arrivals, including model Chelsea from Matt’s season; Becca making out with Thomas, and tears for Tammy and Jessenia.

You can watch at 8 p.m. on ABC or online later at Citytv.com. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

The breakups just keep coming on Bachelor in Paradise

September 1, 2021 /
Tahzjuan Hawkins and Thomas Jacobs: only one of them was still on the beach after Tuesday’s “Bachelor in Paradise” episode. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except for screen grabs, Craig Sjodin/ABC

B stands for bling and breakups, bare ass naked and black bars, even biblical — a word you wouldn’t normally associate with “Bachelor in Paradise.”

It doesn’t stand for boring, at least not with all the drama in Tuesday’s episode, unless you’re Abigail trying to figure out why Noah doesn’t want to ravish you.

Bartender and rose ceremony ringmaster Wells Adams called it: “I’ve done this for five years. This is the craziest I’ve ever seen Paradise.”

One thing we haven’t seen so far this season: a Tanner and Jade, or even an Ashley and Jared.

Relationships seem to dissipate almost as quickly as Kenny strips off his clothes, which he did for a nude volleyball date (more on that later).

First things first: that “to be continued” Aaron-Thomas confrontation, the one that everyone was pretending might end in physical violence? Pffffft. Thomas walked away from Aaron and then Aaron had it out with Tammy, seeming more concerned about the “humiliation” of everyone pitying him than any feelings he had for her.

Tammy Ly and Aaron Clancy back when he didn’t feel like “a laughing stock.”

He warned her that she’d regret choosing Thomas: “He’s not a good person.” Whether that last part is true, we already know Aaron has a point about the first part due to the magic of promos: Thomas’s eye will soon wander to Becca Kufrin, who joined the cast Tuesday.

Meanwhile, Deandra was caught up in a sort of battle of the bling, if we can stretch the definition of bling to include “ugly ass jewelry,” in the words of Demi.

You’ll recall that Pandora bracelet that Karl gave Deandra? Chasen “one-uppered” him with a sparkly necklace that Deandra described as gorgeous but Demi called hideous. Then Deandra gave the bracelet back to Karl, which had Karl calling Chasen “Captain Upper Pants,” whatever the hell that means.

Commentators like Demi and Noah were dubious that either piece of jewelry would hold much sway with Deandra and they were correct: at the rose ceremony, during which she was conspicuously not wearing Chasen’s necklace, she gave her flower to Ivan. I think it’s safe to say Bachelor Nation heartily approves that choice.

So Karl and Chasen were gone, whatever, but we also lost Connor the Cat. His questionable taste in beach outfits aside, I found that kind of sad.

His wasn’t the only departure to be mourned on Tuesday.

Tahzjuan and Tre Cooper, back when we thought they still had a shot at TV love.

Tre decided that Tahzjuan wasn’t his person and it was time for him to go, but he hoped his leaving would enable Tahz to find love with someone else. Alas, Tahz declared she was done with love and she left too. She departed, wrapped in a blanket in the back of an SUV, with the immortal words “I’m crying, sweating, crying more. It’s a lot.”

Around the time that was happening, departing guest host Lance Bass gathered everyone together for an announcement he said was going to “change everything.” Maybe that’s an infinitesimal bit true in the sense that a former Bachelorette has never competed on “Bachelor in Paradise” before. But really, as great as Becca is, she’s just another cast member.

Becca Kufrin makes her not-so-surprising entrance on “Bachelor in Paradise.”

Within minutes, “Bachelor in Paradise” had turned into a mini “Bachelorette” episode as all the men who weren’t already in twosomes jostled for time with Becca, interrupting each other to get their turns.

Aaron — whom Becca pointed out would have been in Grade 8 when she was a high school senior — seemed especially stoked, declaring, “If I could get a rose from Becca that would be absolutely biblical.”

And he did indeed get Becca’s rose, although I suspect that had as much to do with production wanting to keep him around for future Thomas conflict as with Becca’s interest in him.

Most of the roses handed out were givens, including Natasha’s to Brendan, Maurissa’s to Ivan, Serena’s to Joe, Abigail’s to Noah, Jessenia’s to Chris, Tammy’s to Thomas and Demi’s to Kenny. Mari gave hers to James.

To tell the truth, when the season started I would not have pegged Kenny as the hottest commodity on the beach. But after starting out with Mari then getting snapped up by Demi, complete with a visit to the boom boom room, he was quickly targeted by new arrival Tia Booth, who was praying for “a great, godly man” with abs — Kenny fulfills at least the second part of that wish list.

Despite Demi’s insistence that she was sexier and more fun than Tia — “The only thing worse than Tia’s gaydar is her denim shorts,” Demi sniped, referring to Tia’s previous liaison with Colton Underwood — Kenny agreed to a date with Tia, explaining to Demi, “I didn’t feel like we were full on dating.” No, just full on fornicating, I guess.

Tia Booth and Kenny Braasch during the clothed part of their date.

Tia and Kenny went strolling on a beach only to be approached by a man and two women who wanted to play volleyball, and then the strangers started getting naked, right down to the “full china pots” and “full flaccid wiener,” to use Tia’s vernacular. Turns out they were in a no-clothes zone.

“I’m thinking about the conversation that’s appropriate for a first date; now we’re seeing labia,” Tia said.

Fretting that her parents and Bible study group would be watching the show, she agreed to go as far as taking her bikini top off. Kenny went full monty, like anyone would be surprised by that. And then they all played a game of black-bar beach volleyball.

Afterwards, Tia and Kenny toasted to seeing each other’s tits and schlong, and got on with the obligatory smooching, despite Tia’s fear that Demi would murder her in her bed.

Back on the beach, the apparent breakup of Noah and Abigail seemed to have rattled some folks, or at least that’s how they played it for the camera.

To be honest, I can’t tell if it’s an actual break or just a blip.

Abigail Heringer and Noah Erb when they were still a thing.

It began with Abigail complaining to the other women that she and Noah kissed and stuff, but “we’re not we can’t keep our hands off each other” a la Maurissa and Riley.

So Abigail asked Noah, “Why are we both holding back?” saying she felt like they were more than friends but not at a “relationship level” yet.

“I don’t normally kiss my friends,” retorted Noah.

He also suggested he wasn’t getting the responses he wanted from Abigail.

“Are we able to even get to what we want by the end of this, is the question,” he said.

The talk ended with Noah saying he was going to pull back and going for a sad, solo walk in the surf while Abigail had a cry.

That left Serena and Joe, who you have to admit are pretty adorable together, deciding they were now the strongest couple on the beach but . . . oh oh, here comes Joe’s ex, Kendall.

Not only did she look gorgeous, she was laser-focused on Joe, saying, “My worst fear is walking down and seeing him holding hands with somebody.”

As the episode ended, Kendall headed straight to the beach bed where Joe was lounging with Serena, said “Hey butthead” and asked to talk, to which Joe’s response was “Fuuuuck.”

Next week, look for more Joe-Serena-Kendall and Noah-Abigail drama; Mari and Demi still pursuing Kenny; and Brendan dumping Natasha for new arrival Pieper, like we didn’t see that coming.

You can watch Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv.com. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

It’s ‘total chaos here on the beach’ in Bachelor in Paradise

August 31, 2021 /
Cheer up Connor, somewhere out there is a woman who appreciates a man in a romper with a guitar. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Should we be surprised that on a dating show that’s more about lust than love so-called “relationships” were blowing up like firecrackers on the 4th of July/Canada Day/insert national holiday here on Monday’s “Bachelor in Paradise”?

That was a rhetorical question.

OK, it’s perhaps slightly surprising that so many imploded in such a relatively short period of time. But, on the other hand, these people have been hanging out for what? A week? That’s not enough time to start picking out the china pattern let alone declare dating exclusivity.

The cast members were still gossiping about Maurissa’s and Riley’s night in the boom boom room when Chris Conran and Chasen Nick, a.k.a. the Smoke Bros, a.k.a. Tweedledum and Tweedledee, arrived on the hunt for “smoke shows.”

With apologies for the crap quality, ABC didn’t make any photos
of Chasen, left, and Chris available so you’re stuck with this screen grab off my TV.

Despite the fact Chris was barely a blip on Clare Crawley’s “Bachelorette” season, he and Chasen became fast friends, and Chasen’s not the only one that Chris made an impression on. He was on Jessenia Cruz’s list of men she wanted to meet in Paradise, which had lots of people perplexed until a couple of enterprising Twitter users posted a photo of Jessenia and Chris together, looking very friendly, which was apparently taken in May.

That probably also explains why Chris was laser-focused on Jessenia when he and Chasen landed arm-in-arm on the beach with a double date card. Despite Ivan Hall’s insistence that Jessenia only had eyes for him, she agreed to a date with Chris while Chasen settled on Deandra, who’d been paired with Karl.

And it wasn’t just any date the foursome went on; it was one of those cringey sex play dates. In this case, an “intimacy guru” had the women lie down while Chris and Chasen straddled them and blew on their bodies. And then they recreated positions from the “Kama Sutra,” I shit you not.

Apparently Deandra and Jessenia found all this less awkward than everyone watching at home. Before too long, Jessenia and Chris were kissing while sharing strawberries, despite Jessenia continuing to claim that she had a “great” connection with Ivan.

Back at the beach, Jessenia explained to Ivan that their connection was based on him filling boxes, but she had a “spark” with Chris that was lacking with Ivan. Cue Ivan’s sad, lonely walk on the beach and the end of his romance with Jessenia . . . for now.

Karl, meanwhile, tried to woo Deandra back by giving her a Pandora bracelet that he’d bought in Miami, but whatever impression he made with the gift was overshadowed by Chasen acting like a dick. Look, Karl has never been my favourite person, but surely Chasen could have let him have 10 minutes to talk to Deandra without continually interrupting and whining about how he wanted to finish his date.

Men weren’t the only ones behaving like boors.

Demi Burnett finally got to justify her time on the show by doing what she swore to do her first day on the beach: stealing a man.

Mari and Kenny in the proverbial “happier times.”

It all started when Chasen showed some interest in Mari and she decided to tell Kenny, with whom she’d been hanging out since Day 1, that she wanted to date other people — or more precisely that she wanted to “nurture and grow” her relationship with Kenny, but only until someone else asked her on a date.

Can you blame Kenny for thinking that Mari no longer wanted to be exclusive?

When Mari confided in Demi that she might have just fucked things up with Kenny, Demi took advantage of the rift. It wasn’t long before Demi and Kenny were literally sucking face and also, in Kenny’s case, biting lips.

Was it kind of a bitch move on Demi’s part? Sure. But why on earth would Mari tell Kenny she wanted to date someone else when such a date was, at best, days away and, at worst, a purely hypothetical prospect?

Later, Demi plied Kenny with a chocolate cake in honour of his 40th birthday, which he’d celebrated in quarantine, and a piñata full of condoms, interrupting a group discussion about sex and preventing us from learning just how Tre ended up getting laid in a cemetery.

Mari threw the cake in the fire, berated Demi for betraying her and then tried to talk things out with Kenny, but he said they should go their separate ways and his way took him to the boom boom room with Demi.

Like the infomercials say: But wait, there’s more!

Mere moments after Aaron boasted to pals Tre and James about his strong connection with Tammy, Tammy strolled over to a beach bed with Aaron’s “mortal enemy” Thomas and, in full view of Aaron and his friends, straddled and smooched Thomas.

And I haven’t even talked about sad Connor.

Maurissa and Connor before the force that is Riley swept her away.

Connor started his day dressed in his best short set and/or romper and with the hope that he could win Maurissa back by taking her on a DIY date that night. But Maurissa, rather than fess up that she was now with Riley, gave Connor a non-committal “we’ll see.” It was Tahzjuan who told Connor that Riley and Maurissa had spent the night in the boom boom room.

All the drama was apparently too much for Tahz, who screamed into the void and later complained she couldn’t pee or poop.

“It’s total chaos here on the beach tonight,” was how Serena Pitt put it.

Serena managed to avoid the chaos herself, for now anyway.

Sorry, Joe, but you never will be able to live those tights down, especially with those socks.

She and Joe went on a date, which involved having dinner in the middle of a wrestling ring and then putting on capes and pretending to fight until they laid down on the mat and started kissing. Joe said he was “100 per cent in” on Serena and if ex Kendall came to Paradise it wouldn’t matter because “there’s nothing romantic there anymore.” That’s going to be put to the test soon.

Noah and Abigail are still a thing, but we saw also saw a promo of Abigail crying.

And Brendan finally kissed Natasha, but only after Natasha gave him a back massage and, as kisses went, it was pretty tepid. Definitely no lip biting going on there.

The episode ended with the cast preparing for the rose ceremony and Aaron confronting Thomas about being disrespectful by making out with Tammy in front of him, but it was just a conversation, nothing physical. The last we saw was Tammy walking over, possibly to referee, and the ever popular “To be continued.”

There’s another episode tomorrow night. Besides more Aaron, Tammy and Thomas drama and the arrival of Kendall, the promo showed ex-Bachelorette Becca Kufrin and her friend Tia Booth hitting the beach and Tia hitting on Kenny.

It will air at 8 p.m. on ABC. If you want to watch via Citytv, you’ll have to catch it on demand or at Citytv.com.

 You can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

It’s Riley’s world, Bachelor in Paradise just lives in it

August 25, 2021 /
Maurissa Gunn , new guest host Lance Bass and new arrival Riley Christian on “Bachelor in Paradise.” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC

Kaboom boom!

That’s the sound of Connor the Cat’s “relationship” with Maurissa Gunn blowing up on “Bachelor in Paradise.” Meow.

The women were purring from the moment Riley hit the beach in Tuesday night’s episode with his very muscled arms, especially Tahzjuan, who temporarily lost the power of speech. “The man’s arms have their own zip code,” she gushed.

But it was Maurissa whom Riley took on a weird date (more on that later) presided over by new guest host Lance Bass that ended with the pair in the boom boom room. It looks like Connor’s ukulele was no match for Riley’s, um, instrument.

Riley’s wasn’t the only appearance to shake up the beach.

He was preceded by Thomas Jacobs, yes, that Thomas, the one who was run out of Dodge, er, “The Bachelorette,” for committing the sin of admitting he wouldn’t mind being the next Bachelor.

Oh so conveniently, the other guys from his Bachelorette season were talking about Thomas, about his “crazy snake,” “blatantly disrespectful” behaviour, just before he showed up with a date card in hand.

The women didn’t care. It was like blah, blah, blah, Thomas is the devil . . . ooohhh look at his muscles!

Fun fact: Thomas is 6-foot-6. We know this because he told every woman he spoke to and made a big show of how he was afraid he’d smash his face on the palapa they were chatting under because, you know, he’s soooooo tall.

Anyway, when the chats were done he picked Serena Pitt for yet another water sports and making out date. She at least told No-Longer-Owns-a-Grocery-Store Joe she was going, which he said he appreciated, adding, “I hope you have a bad time.”

Despite her fondness for Joe, Serena Pitt went on a date with Thomas Jacobs.

Bad time? Given how much tonsil hockey Serena played with Thomas it couldn’t have been horrible. But at the end of a very long day, during which Joe did little but mope, nap and threaten to go home, Serena returned to Joe. “I told him he should pursue other people,” she said of Thomas. And also, after some prodding, Joe was the better kisser. They snuggled happily on a beach bed.

Alas, things didn’t end so happily for Connor. He kept insisting he was cool with Maurissa going on a date with Riley. Even when she walked onto the beach in an outfit that channelled J.Lo’s 2000 Oscars dress — you know, the one that was cut down to her navel? — and completely bypassed Connor, he told her to have fun.

I don’t know if fun would be the word I would use for the early part of the date. Riley and Maurissa were greeted by Lance Bass, who uncovered plates full of what Maurissa described as “the most disgusting things I have ever seen in my life.” There were pig snouts, there were chicken feet, there were giant tongues, there was tripe.

The deal was Riley and Maurissa had to answer questions posed by Lance or eat whatever he told them to. (As an aside, between this game and Joe’s buff-like headband I was getting “Survivor” vibes on Tuesday night.)

They wouldn’t fess up to how many people they’d slept with but were fine with saying where on their bodies they’d like to be touched or, in Maurissa’s case, that she masturbates every day.

Maurissa and Riley prepare to sample some tongues. Whose or what’s tongues I couldn’t say.

And speaking of being touched, Lance really should have snuck out when Maurissa and Riley started smooching so hard that I wouldn’t have been surprised if they just swept all the offal off the table and had at it. But they did manage to keep their hands mostly to themselves until after dinner, during which they talked about how they wanted to be married with children and how Maurissa had once weighed well over 200 pounds.

After they left the restaurant and continued to kiss passionately outside, Riley whispered, “I know a place we can go” — which made me wonder: is the boom boom room part of the orientation tour? Or did the producers slip a map under one of Riley’s biceps?

Anyway, images of Riley and Maurissa under the covers were cut with images of sad Connor sitting and singing to himself.

As for the other relationships, once Tahz got over her disappointment at not being chosen by her crush Riley, she reconciled with Tre because they like talking to each other, “Mr. Crab” said yes and “he (Tre, not the crab) is 100 per cent a better kisser than his uncle.” Words to live by.

Alas, Natasha didn’t fare so well with Brendan, who claims to like her but hasn’t made out with her yet, which means he is totally waiting for Pieper to hit the beach, or maybe somebody else. I don’t know, we’re not seeing anything to convince us that Brendan isn’t a player.

Also, the men of Katie’s Bachelorette season took Thomas for a “confrontation” that turned out to be nothing more than a group chat, during which Thomas apologized for “every single wrong that I’ve done,” which included lying and time-stealing and acting like his time was more important than theirs.

Obviously we know that’s not the end of it. We have eyes, we’ve seen the promos of him going toe to toe with Aaron.

Tre even shook Thomas’s hand at the end of the talk but later, after he was tipped off that Thomas had described him as “emotionally not strong” to Serena, Tre called Thomas on his “snake bullshit.”

“This is gonna be the last conversation I intentionally have with you.”

Fair enough.

Next week it seems Demi is finally going to fulfill her contractual obligation to stir up shit by putting the moves on Kenny.

You can tune in Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Is fan favourite Brendan a ‘player’ on Bachelor in Paradise?

August 24, 2021 /
David Spade fulfills his final guest host duty by talking up the rose ceremony on “Bachelor in Paradise.” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC.

When it comes to “Bachelor in Paradise,” are we not all — in the immortal words of “Goddess” Victoria — minor idiots?

Who among us would have pegged Brendan Morais, the sweet man we fell in love with on Tayshia’s “Bachelorette” season, as this season’s “Paradise” player? That’s right, none of us, or at least none of us who don’t read spoilers.

But Monday night, Brendan was accused of having already connected with Pieper James, a castoff from Matt James’ “Bachelor” season, before hitting the beach — this after leaving Natasha Parker to stew while he went on a date with Demi Burnett. It all seemed a bit Blake Horstmann and his Stagecoach shenanigans.

Then again, the whole being into someone before you come on “BiP” scenario should have sounded familiar to Demi, who did exactly the same thing in Season 6 when she joined the show while pining for girlfriend Kristian Haggerty, who turned up after Demi had already gotten cosy with Derek Peth.

Demi strutted onto the beach in Monday’s episode with a date card and an “I’m the sexy bitch who’s gonna steal your man” attitude — this after telling guest host David Spade that while she’s into both men and women she was looking to date dudes this time.

After commandeering Connor, Kenny (who’s finally put on clothes) and Brendan for chats — as Maurissa, Mari and Natasha watched nervously — Demi took Brendan for a jet-skiing and making out on the beach date.

Brendan Morais and Demi Burnett on the episode’s first — and their last — date.

But when Demi told Brendan she’d love to kiss him every day, he told her he’d “formed certain things with other girls” and they’d have to “see if our paths cross again along this journey.” So that would be a no.

Back at the resort, everyone was gossiping about how Brendan had been dating Pieper before coming on the show. That’s why, when Demi returned alone, feeling like an idiot over Brendan’s rejection, Victoria Larson told Demi she was only “a minor idiot” since no one had known about Brendan and Pieper.

Confronted by Demi, Brendan fessed up to spending time with Pieper but insisted they weren’t in a relationship. Personally, I’d love to hear whether Pieper thought they were in a relationship and, since she’s bound to turn up on “Paradise” before long, I’m sure we’ll find out.

Brendan’s other conversation about Pieper, with Natasha, was less acrimonious. He told Natasha his liaison with Pieper had been “super casual” and he’d been having deeper conversations with Natasha than he ever had with Pieper, so it wasn’t long till they were strolling happily along the beach together. Demi, who was watching and making “hyena” noises of despair, was soon in tears. Sucks to find out you’re not as popular as you thought you’d be.

Now on to the episode’s other “villain.” Victoria Paul decided to latch onto James Bonsall, whose name she couldn’t remember — she kept calling him Jordan in her confessionals — so she could get a rose, stick around and see who else turned up, or at least that’s what she said.

Victoria Paul chats up … what’s that guy’s name again?

According to Tammy and Kelsey, who both knew Victoria from Peter Weber’s season, it was more nefarious than that. They both said Victoria had a boyfriend back home in Nashville and was just on “BiP” to get famous.

James was floored when Tammy broke the news. What, was the conversation in which Victoria asked James if he peed outside or in the toilet when he woke up in the morning not a tipoff there was something off about this woman?

Once James confirmed Tammy’s info with Kelsey, who also lives in Nashville, he confronted Victoria, who claimed she broke up with the guy, but she didn’t put up a very convincing counter-argument. She eventually sent herself home, essentially confirming the boyfriend story when she said in the SUV of Shame, “I realize I don’t have to search for what I already have at home.”

Her departure meant it was back to 13 women vying for 10 roses, with nine already spoken for, which meant that Demi, Kelsey, Victoria Larson and Serena Chew were all at the mercy of James.

Demi and Kelsey both lobbied James for a friendship rose. Serena and Victoria decided to try their luck elsewhere.

When Tammy left Aaron’s side, Serena led him away for a bit of a lame rap and a beach bed smooch, not that it was ever in doubt he was giving his rose to Tammy. Just to prove her dominance, Tammy kissed him and straddled him when she got back, ensuring he couldn’t get up from the beach bed right away.

Goddess Victoria, meanwhile, zeroed in on Tre. She didn’t even get as far as a kiss (which in “Paradise” carries about as much weight as a handshake) before Tre’s main squeeze, Tahzjuan, unleashed a “Tahz-nado,” scolding Victoria for being selfish and going back to her old ways. That sent Victoria crying to a producer, which is exactly like her old ways.

In the end, it was Demi who snagged the final rose despite Kelsey’s sympathy-garnering fainting spell. As if there was a chance in hell the producers were going to let Demi go home after one episode.

The nine couples, as it stands now, are Ivan and Jessenia, Noah and Abigail, Joe and Serena Pitt, Connor and Maurissa, Tre and Tahz, Karl and Deandra, Brendan and Natasha, Aaron and Tammy, and Kenny and Mari.

Ivan and Jessenia went on a date that took us away, if only briefly, from the drama on the beach.

Jessenia and Ivan on a date, a real date as opposed to a fake one.

Currently, they seem like the most solid couple. They had a serious conversation on their date about race, with Jessenia, who is Latina, opening up about the online abuse she experienced after her time on Matt’s season.

“I had never experienced that type of racism until after the show and it hurts it, it really hurts,” Jessenia said. So she had to think long and hard about risking being “torn apart” again by coming on “Bachelor in Paradise.”

But “I feel safe here, I feel safe with you,” she told Ivan.

I hope it stays that way.

We know from the promos that Serena and Joe, and Maurissa and Connor are going to be tested thanks to the arrivals of Thomas from Katie’s season and Riley from Tayshia’s season.

And you won’t have to wait till next week for more drama, with ABC airing another episode Tuesday night at 8 p.m. I’m not sure when Citytv will fit it in since they’ve got “America’s Got Talent” in that time slot. Nor am I sure when I’ll have the Tuesday night recap up.

In the meantime, you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Bachelor in Paradise kicks off with the kissing-est premiere yet

August 17, 2021 /
Wells Adams and David Spade, bartender and temporary host of “Bachelor in Paradise.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC

Welcome to Paradise, the land of second chances.

It’s a special place where fate, and the magic of TV editing, can turn Connor Brennan into a great kisser, Noah Erb into a sort of not so creepy dude and Tahzjuan Hawkins into someone hot enough to make out with two members of the same family.

Yes, “Bachelor in Paradise,” we’re reunited and dare I say it feels so good.

That the “Bachelor” spinoff is back after the COVID-19 pandemic kept everyone away from the beach last year is itself a bit of a comeback story. But far from being weird to see people doing the opposite of physical distancing, the sight of 23 eligible men and women hugging, kissing and hanging out at Playa Escondida seemed utterly normal. In fact, it made me a little giddy.

Other than the three people I didn’t recognize (sorry Deandra, Maurissa and Victoria Paul) it was kind of delightful to see all the familiar faces. Well, OK, maybe not Karl Smith.

And is it just me or does it seem like things are moving at lightning speed?

Bartender Wells Adams told guest host David Spade this season has set the record for most amount of makeouts in Day 1 of the show and who am I to doubt Wells?

Abigail Heringer was the first to greet guest “Bachelor in Paradise” host David Spade.

Fan favourite Abigail Heringer was the first to hit the beach and then they just kept coming, generally stopping to chat with Spade, who was funny and self-deprecating and did not make me miss Chris Harrison at all.

The general consensus was that Toronto’s Serena Pitt, from Matt James’s season, and Brendan Morais, who made Tayshia Adams’ top four, were the equivalent of the prom king and queen, the popular kids that everybody wanted to get with.

Canadian Serena Pitt was popular on the season opener.

Although Serena expressed interest in Brendan in her intro package, and Brendan gave her a ride on his back at one point, it was “Grocery Store” Joe Amabile she locked lips with later that night. And that happened after Joe got awkward (I’m sorry, but what the hell does “Toronto is very ugly from the outside but beautiful in” even mean?); then teary-eyed when he was reminded of Kendall Long, the woman he started dating during Season 5 of “Bachelor in Paradise”; and then anti-social, going off to mope by himself.

He even told Wells he wanted to leave. And then along came Serena, who overlooked the 12-year difference in their ages and the fact he was wearing socks with his flip-flops and smooched him a whole bunch. (We already know from the end-of-episode promo that Kendall is going to turn up and possibly throw a wrench into Joe’s new romance.)

Brendan was a hot commodity on “Bachelor in Paradise,” partly because the women liked his shirt.

As for Brendan, we didn’t see him kissing, but he was paired off with Natasha Parker from Peter Weber’s season for some crab and bird-watching, and then bird-killing-a-crab watching.

Makeouts were in full force between Ivan Hall from Tayshia’s season and Jessenia Cruz from Matt’s season; Aaron Clancy from Katie Thurston’s season and Tammy Ly from Peter’s season (who confused David Spade with Dave Chappelle, which is pretty messed up); and Connor Brennan, a.k.a. the Cat from Katie’s season, and Maurissa Gunn from Peter’s season. And the verdict? “Katie is wrong. Connor is a great kisser.”

Tahzjuan Hawkins came back for a second kick at the can.

Tre Cooper, also from Katie’s season, was undaunted by the fact that Tahzjuan Hawkins from Colton Underwood’s season had gone on a date with — and kissed — Tre’s uncle. Tahzjuan, whose previous “Bachelor in Paradise” claim to fame was melting down in the Mexican heat, both physically and emotionally, rated Tre’s smooch 10 out of 10: “I really enjoyed kissing Tre, more than his uncle.”

And then there were Kenny Braasch, from Clare Crawley’s and Tayshia’s season, and Mari Pepin-Solis from Matt’s season. Kenny has the distinction of being both the oldest cast member at 40 and the least dressed, having shown up wearing nothing but his tattoos. Why? To show off his body, he claimed, but he could still do that in a Speedo and maintain a little mystery. What happens if he and Mari go to the boom-boom room? There’ll be no big reveal, so to speak.

Kenny showed up naked. As David Spade said, “Have somebody put some sunscreen down there.”

But wait, there’s more! While folks were coupling up left, right and centre back at the resort, Abigail had gone on the season’s first date with Noah Erb, the cocky fellow remembered for both his porn stache and annoying everybody when he showed up late to Tayshia’s season.

Abigail, who said she moves really slowly in relationships (then why, oh why are you on your second “Bachelor” show, my dear?), seemed to be threatening to friend-zone Noah after they sat down for a meal in a room filled with pinatas, but by the time they started smashing the pinatas — a metaphor for breaking down Abigail’s walls, obviously — they had a big smooch session.

So, by my count, eight of the 10 guys there had already coupled up with someone. I’m not sure what Karl and James Bonsall were doing, but since they’re handing out the roses it doesn’t really matter.

That leaves Deandra and Kelsey Weir, a.k.a. Champagne Girl, both from Peter’s season; Serena Chew from Matt’s season; and the two Victorias, Paul (Peter’s season) and Larson, better known as Queen Victoria from Matt’s season, to battle it out for the roses that aren’t already spoken for.

The “goddess” Victoria makes her entrance.

Victoria L, who has given up her crown but declared herself a goddess, complete with some sort of Statue of Liberty-esque head gear (Connor to Victoria: “I love those golden zip ties. Did you make that yourself?”), wanted the men to come to her. She tried her “five second rule” at the bar, i.e. she smiles for five seconds and a man walks over to her, but her “goddess energy didn’t quite kick in.”

In any event, we didn’t get as far as a rose ceremony. The episode ended with Demi Burnett walking down the steps to the beach, declaring, “Those poor girls, I’m gonna steal all their men. I’m gonna fuck things up.”

That’s the way it goes in Paradise. We already know from the promo that the producers are going to mess with Joe and Serena by bringing Kendall back; Riley from Tayshia’s season is going to screw things up for Connor and Maurissa; Tammy is going to double time Aaron with Thomas, one of Katie’s castoffs, although Thomas is also going to hook up with former Bachelorette Becca Kufrin; and there’ll be a love triangle between Kenny, Mari and Demi.

Cue the tears. And keep watching next Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And if you want to talk “Paradise,” you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

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