Tag: Bachelorette recap (Page 2 of 5)

A villain gets the boot, not once but twice, on ‘The Bachelorette’

July 19, 2022 / Debra Yeo

Gabby Windey and Rachel Recchia prepare to judge a man bits pageant on “The Bachelorette.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

You win some, you lose some and some you have to get rid of twice.

So went the first “date” episode of Gabby Windey’s and Rachel Recchia’s joint “Bachelorette” season.

The episode was a reminder that with two very different women there will be very different outcomes, a reality driven home by the results of their first dates. But on one point they were agreed: any dude who’s already trying to control the outcome of the fantasy suites before he has even had a real conversation with either Bachelorette has got to go.

Chris Austin during eviction No. 1 with Gabby and Rachel.

And thus “mentality coach” Chris Austin was asked to leave not once, but twice: first, for running his mouth about fantasy suites and then for walking right back into the mansion to confront the men who ratted him out to Rachel and Gabby.

I mean come on! Even if production put him up to it, how arrogant do you have to be to be told to vamoose and then waltz back in like you own the joint?

Gabby and Rachel were having none of it and good for them, but Chris’s wasn’t the only non-rose ceremony exit in the episode.

For the first time ever, as far as I can recall, a Bachelorette denied a rose to her first date pick.

The unlucky fellow was Jordan V, the drag racer with whom Rachel was vibing on Night 1 and I am torn. On the one hand, Jordan seemed pleasant and like he was really into Rachel. On the other, we’ve all been there, right? You go out with someone who seems really promising and partway through the conversation you realize there’s no there there.

Rachel and Jordan V in the proverbial “happier times” on their one-on-one.

So good on Rachel for going with her gut even if it was really awkward that Jordan was left on his own at a table in the Los Angeles Theatre and that they had been smooching on a zero gravity plane just hours before, and then Rachel had to listen morosely all by herself to a private concert by Ashley Cooke and Brett Young.

Gabby, on the other hand, picked a winner for her first date. You could practically feel the air vibrating as all of Bachelor Nation swooned over Nate Mitchell.

Even before he got his date card, though, Nate had already ascended to hero status for calling Chris out on his toxic masculinity.

Here’s how it went down. Chris was sitting around with some of the other guys, pontificating about what would happen when — not if — he made it to the final four and what his deal breakers would be.

“We go into fantasy suite and we have this sexual experience, and then the person who I’m most interested in decides she’s gonna have sex with multiple people and feel it out, that would be the situation where I’d go, ‘OK, I’m out,'” Chris said.

When questioned by the other guys about whether he’d drop this bombshell before, during or after fantasy suites, Chris said it would depend on the situation.

Also, he kept calling Rachel and Gabby “females” like they were research subjects in an experiment he was conducting and not living, breathing women whom he allegedly might be interested in.

So many observations! First off, the final four don’t go to fantasy suites, just the final three. Duh. Second, that kind of ultimatum worked so well for Luke Parker. Third, who the hell are you and what gives you the right?

Several of the men were aghast. Words like “presumptuous,” “disrespectful” and “jerky” were used, but nobody called it better than Nate.

“Any time you have a premeditated thought of you won’t do this unless that, that is a form of control and that is manipulative . . . You cannot have preconditions for love. It’s just a form of control that a lot of men don’t realize that they do that damages good women.”

Yes, just yes.

Then Nate and Gabby went on a helicopter/hot tub date with lots of kissing and laughing. And did we mention Nate is 33, has a real job (electrical engineer) and a six-year-old daughter? And if you compare his bio to Chris’s on the ABC website, you’ll see Nate’s talks about doing thoughtful things for the woman he loves, whereas Chris’s says he wants a woman who will love him for being a hard worker and not complain as they “work together toward greatness.”

Sometimes the villains are hiding in plain sight.

Nate Mitchell with Gabby Windey before the rose ceremony.

Anyway, back to Nate. He told Gabby about his daughter at dinner at L.A.’s Union Station and Gabby teared up listening to him talk: “She is my world,” Nate said. “Like, a pocket of my heart just burst open the first time she said ‘Dad,’ the first time she told me she loved me, the first time I felt her hug me.”

And damn, who wouldn’t tear up listening to that? It’s moments like these that keep us watching this godforsaken franchise.

Gabby, reflecting on her close relationship with her own father, told Nate he was the best thing that was ever going to happen to his daughter.

Could Nate be the best thing to happen to Gabby? Well, it’s only Week 2, but there is definitely serious potential there. Nate got the date rose, so all the nervous nellies back at the mansion, freaked out by Jordan V’s disappearance, could relax.

Speaking of the mansion, pretty sure we’ve never had 29 men staying there at once, which is how many men were left after last week’s cancelled rose ceremony. But could the producers not have rolled in some cots? Guys sleeping on outdoor couches, really?

Host Jesse Palmer gives the men the laydown before they stripped down to their Speedos.

In lieu of a supersized group date there was a “pageant” inside the mansion in which the men had to don Speedos (and one banana hammock), and strut and flex for Gabby and Rachel, with the aim of winning time at a private after-party at their place.

Seriously, is anybody more obsessed with the male anatomy than “Bachelorette” producers? The show went through a season’s worth of black bars covering up bulges.

There was also a “talent” segment, although only two efforts are worth mentioning. The good: mortgage broker Jacob, a.k.a. wannabe Fabio, sat backwards on a chair, put on glasses and gave Rachel and Gabby a mortgage pitch, which was very entertaining.

“Jacob is Tarzan dressed like George of the Jungle slash my mortgage broker, ” said Rachel.

The bad and the ugly: James, a.k.a. Meatball, pouring a jar of pasta sauce down his chest. To quote Jesse: “Nooo! Oh!”

Neither man made it into the group of six winners, which included Aven, Logan, Brandan, Jason, Johnny and Colin.

And yeah, I had to look up all their names because I don’t really remember who anybody is at this point. But you only have to focus on two names for the moment: Logan and Johnny.

Logan Palmer with Rachel ahead of the rose ceremony.

I don’t trust videographer Logan as far as I can throw him and I’m still holding a grudge over him trapping two live baby chicks in his sweaty palms on Night 1. But mostly I don’t trust him because he’s clearly playing both Gabby and Rachel.

After getting blown off by Jason, who was there for Gabby, and finding Brandan and Colin not to her taste, Rachel connected with Logan, who blew smoke up her ass about how “incredibly brave” she was to “jump back into this process,” without mentioning Clayton by name. And they smooched.

Next thing you know, Logan was also kissing Gabby after spewing more flattery about how she was “someone who makes people smile and laugh.”

The dude is too smooth by half, but Rachel had to give a rose to somebody. And despite also being interested in Logan, Gabby generously deferred to her friend and gave her rose to Johnny, whom she also kissed.

The double dipping didn’t end there.

Pretty sure this is Mario talking to Rachel, even though the ABC caption didn’t identify him.

Ahead of the rose ceremony, personal trainer Mario — Gabby’s first impression rose winner — chatted up Rachel and then lifted her up and did squats with her, making Rachel squeal, all within earshot and view of Gabby.

But the real drama centred on Chris, because of course it did.

Quincey, Hayden and Jordan H, no doubt encouraged by producers, told Rachel about Chris’s fantasy suite “deal breaker” and she told Gabby, and the two of them confronted Chris.

Chris didn’t deny what he’d said — although he tried the “I wasn’t the only one talking about it” manoeuvre — and he didn’t apologize either.

“If you’ve seen our journey you would know it would be important to us, and would respect our place as women and our position to make our own decisions, which it seems like if we went against something you believed in you would take that time to leave,” Gabby said.

Chris tried to turn it around and make it about them not wanting to have a conversation with him, at which point Rachel told him he was being condescending and they walked his ass out of there.

But that wasn’t the end of it, since Chris walked right back in, gathered Jordan H, Hayden, Quincey, Nate and Tyler (I think), and started grilling them about what they said to Rachel and Gabby.

Rachel and Gabby pushed their way through the knot of producers and camera people filming the scene and gave Chris the boot again, for good this time.

And then, finally, we got a rose ceremony, but only six guys got the heave-ho, leaving a still unwieldy group of 21 whose names we’ll never remember, but for the record: Erich, Zach, Jordan H, Quincey, Michael, Tiny, Jacob, Tyler, Hayden, James, Kirk, Spencer, Alec, Ethan and Mario got roses, in addition to the ones that Nate, Johnny and Logan already had.

Rachel and Gabby alternated the rose-giving and made it clear the roses were from both of them, but looks like that will change next week, with at least one rose rejection and Rachel having a rose ceremony meltdown.

You can watch Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, catch me on Twitter or chat on my Facebook page.

Edited because I accidentally called Jordan V, Jordan Z in one reference.

2 Bachelorettes, 32 men, 3 kisses, 1 horse: let the games begin

July 12, 2022 / Debra Yeo

Double Bachelorettes Gabby Windey and Rachel Recchia. PHOTO CREDIT: Gizelle Hernandez/ABC

Let’s be honest, the relationship we care about the most this season of “The Bachelorette” is the one between its two stars, Gabby Windey and Rachel Recchia.

But there couldn’t be a more apt metaphor for the shit that’s gonna get shovelled their way than host Jesse Palmer scooping up horse dung after beautiful Blanca, who carried in a shirtless dude named Jacob, dropped a load in the mansion driveway.

Mortgage broker Jacob pulls a Fabio with the help of Blanca.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Gabby pretty much called it, “Boys are dumb.” Or at least indecisive. It looks like she and Rachel will relive a version of the nonsense they endured from Bachelor Clayton Echard, who you’ll recall — and I’m sorry to conjure up the memory — strung them both along with sex and protestations of love, then dumped them simultaneously.

The good news: Clayton’s shenanigans couldn’t tear these best friends apart so I’m guessing none of this season’s dudes will either. We saw plenty of tears in the season promo and both women talking about wanting to quit; we never saw them turn on each other and if ABC had that kind of footage don’t you think they’d be gleefully promoting the hell out of it?

Still, Jesse promised “the most shocking season of ‘The Bachelorette’ yet” and that’s not a good thing if you’re more interested in seeing mature adults fall in love than divisive drama. But really, what did we expect?

Gabby and Rachel weren’t made dual Bachelorettes because Mike Fleiss and his team knew how much fans loved them both and wanted to make us happy. No, having two women choose from the same pool of men is about trying to pit them against each other. Just imagine the possibilities if they fall for the same guy!

“I don’t trust men,” Gabby said. Me, I don’t trust “Bachelorette” producers.

But we’ll save the angst for later. Monday’s season premiere was a pretty congenial affair with a generous tone set by its two lovely leads, Gabby, a 31-year-old ICU nurse, and Rachel, a 26-year-old pilot and flight instructor, who supported each other every step of the way.

So much hugging and hand-holding and squeals of joy! I’m here for it.

It was almost enough to appease us for losing Kaitlyn Bristowe and Tayshia Adams as “Bachelorette” hosts — almost.

As for the 32 suitors, they were well behaved. No excess drunkenness, no trash talking, no playbooks on how to get screen time, no blatantly misogynistic remarks.

I wasn’t keen on Logan manhandling a couple of live chicks just so he could make a lame joke about Gabby and Rachel being “cute chicks,” but one of them got revenge by pooping in his hand — the chickens, not Rachel and Gabby.

Logan introduces Gabby and Rachel to Marybeth and Alejandra. Call the SPCA!

Cringiest limo exit was a tie between investment banker Jason and life coach Quincey. The former said that, like Clayton, he was in love with three women: his mom, his sister and his dog, and ewwww. Quincey said he hadn’t had sex in over a year to show how “intentional” he could be and, like, why did they need to know that?

Software developer Jordan H, meanwhile, had the cleverest shtick, bringing along wireless, noise-cancelling headphones so he could talk to Rachel and Gabby individually without the other one listening in. Props also to venture capitalist Spencer for bringing chairs so Gabby and Rachel could take a load off their high heels. And wedding photographer Alec, besides being a natty dresser, brought along a quartet to sing a song, the gist of which was “Clayton sucks.”

Alec brings his own musical accompaniment.

Aside from the hokey limo entrances, who are the standouts so far?

To be honest, with that many dudes it was hard to get a handle, which is why Rachel and Gabby chose to forgo a rose ceremony and keep 29 men into next week.

They made magician Roby disappear, along with 24-year-old twins Justin and Joey. Being the only three guys singled out for elimination must have sucked hard, but it was a fair call.

Luckily, our Bachelorettes chose very different first impression rose winners and didn’t swap spit with the same men. In fact, there was very little kissing considering the precedent set in other seasons.

Mario got Gabby’s first impression rose and her first kisses of the season.

Gabby’s first rose went to Mario, an affable personal trainer who danced his way out of the limo, but holy hell, did their kissing look awkward! Rachel’s smooching with Tino, a contractor whose forklift-driving skills she admired, was more palatable. He got her rose.

Gabby also kissed real estate analyst Erich, who also considered kissing Rachel, seemingly hedging his bets to get a first impression rose.

“I can see how this is gonna get complicated very quickly,” he said. Ya think?

Gabby also had good chemistry with investment director Ryan and she couldn’t stop looking at Jacob’s pecs, the Fabio wannabe with the horse. That’s just as well; paying attention to the list of attributes he was reading for his future wife might have otherwise bored her to tears.

Rachel had a sweet interaction with “leisure executive” Hayden, who made a hand-written card for her recent birthday. But she couldn’t figure out why neither sales exec Aven or drag racer Jordan V went in for a kiss. There was a fleeting knee grab by the first and the second held her hand, but that was it.

She and Gabby were both attracted to chick guy Logan, who hugged Rachel and bonded with Gabby over sneaking snacks into the cinema (hopefully nothing as big as the meatball sub that “meatball enthusiast” James brought with him).

But yeah, there’s still a lot of wheat to be separated from the chaff with this group. We’ll get another shot at figuring out who’s who next week.

It airs Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, catch me on Twitter or chat on my Facebook page.

Michelle picks, leaving one man ‘broken’ on ‘The Bachelorette’

December 22, 2021 / Debra Yeo

Michelle Young on the beach in Mexico on proposal day on “The Bachelorette.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHO MICHELLE PICKED ON THE BACHELORETTE FINALE, STOP READING NOW!

You could say Michelle Young’s season finale was a textbook end to a “Bachelorette” season in the sense that she dropped the guy who seemed perfect for her and kept the one who was raising red flags.

That producers made it look like Brandon Jones stood a chance of getting the girl is another feather in their caps, I suppose, although it did seem inevitable that someone so heart-on-his-sleeve sincere was bound to be disappointed.

And oh boy, was he disappointed. On a scale of one to 10, the emotional brutality of that breakup was like a 20.

It always seems so pointlessly cruel to let a dude walk up in his best suit, an engagement ring burning a hole in his pocket, give a flowery speech declaring his love and then have the Bachelorette tell him sorry, I’m just not that into you.

You have to assume she knows where her heart lies before she hits the beach, or wherever the proposal happens, so why not head off the unlucky runner-up at the pass?

Well, for the drama, that’s why. And on Tuesday, we got to watch a solid eight minutes of agony, both his and hers, as Michelle told Brandon — just after he told her she was the “missing piece” he’d been searching for his entire life — that her heart had taken her in another direction.

But don’t worry, Brandon told host Kaitlyn Bristowe on “After the Final Rose” that he’s doing good and that he wants Michelle and Nayte Olukoya to be happy, and he seemed like he meant it.

As for Nayte, yes, I was as skeptical as the next person. How does a dude who claims never to have been in love before, who comes from an emotionally constipated family, make a lifetime commitment to someone he’s known for mere weeks when no one else seems to believe he’s ready for it?

Well, Michelle is a really smart woman and if she says Nayte is in it for the long haul, who the hell are we to doubt her?

In any event, the producers seem to have so much faith in the relationship that they gave Michelle and Nayte a $200,000 down payment for a house on “ATFR” — in Minnesota naturally, you think she was going to move for a guy?

Let’s just hope they patronize a different grocery store than the one used by Joe Coleman and his family.

Anyway, let’s backtrack and recount how Michelle got to her happy ending.

If you’d tuned in just for the “meet the family” part of the finale you would have been shocked as hell that Brandon lost.

Has a family ever loved a member of the final two as much as Michelle’s family loved Brandon? It seems unlikely.

They had already met him, of course, during that one-on-one in Minneapolis when her parents “surprised” Michelle and Brandon in the hot tub in her folks’ backyard. And Brandon charmingly brought dad Ephraim a pair of swim trunks to replace the ones he’d borrowed that day.

Brandon couldn’t have answered his and mom LaVonne’s questions any more agreeably if he’d had somebody from production coaching him on the sidelines.

No, he wouldn’t be threatened by Michelle finishing her master’s degree and becoming a school principal. “My mom in my family is the powerful woman.”

Yes, he was in love with Michelle, “the most incredible woman I’ve ever met in my entire life.”

Yes, he’d be thrilled to move to Minnesota. “I just want to marry her so bad.”

LaVonne Young bestows a welcome-to-the-family kiss on Brandon Jones.

LaVonne bestowed not one, but two cheek kisses on Brandon and beamed, “I would be so happy if you’re here in the end.”

Brandon was the “best friend” that Mom and Pop wanted her to marry.

And Nayte’s time with the Young fam? Awkward, at least the way it was edited.

He was vague about moving to Minnesota, telling Michelle’s sister Angela, “The thing about me is I’m all about the adventure. I’ve moved so many times in my life.”

To LaVonne, he said things like, “My mind and heart are definitely pointing at Michelle,” not exactly a declaration of undying love.

LaVonne told him point blank she didn’t think he was ready to get engaged and shared that sentiment with Michelle, which had Michelle saying she had to “reassess” things with Nayte.

Naturally that meant that when it came to the final dates with the final two, Brandon got the chill zooming around on Jet Skis date and Nayte got the uncomfortable “sacred ritual to make you spill your guts” date.

Brandon got the sun, fun and surf date; Nayte not so much.

There’s no point rehashing all the smiles, smooches and declarations of Brandon’s true, true love on his date. The most significant part — other than Brandon gifting Michelle with the sweatshirt he’d been wearing when they had their fantasy suite food fight — was her telling Brandon she was in love with him too.

Up till that point, the fact Michelle was already “in love” with Nayte but just “falling” with Brandon made the ending seem like a foregone conclusion.

I would never accuse Michelle of telling a fib — she seems far too principled for that — but what a gift to production! Despite Nayte having been the clear favourite for weeks, maybe Brandon did have a chance of being the last man standing or so it seemed.

Raul guides Michelle and Nayte in telling each other how they feel.

On their date, Michelle took Nayte to a “sacred place” where a shaman named Raul got them to waft smoke on each other and share their innermost feelings, although he sensed a “blockage” in Nayte.

Well duh, the man had already confessed to being raised in a home where emotions weren’t expressed and “I love you” wasn’t said. It takes more than sacred smoke to counteract that. And I get that you have to go beyond platitudes if you’re planning to marry somebody, but this show makes almost a fetish of the concept of “vulnerability.”

Michelle said in her voice-over that if Nayte stopped trying to pull down his walls it would be a “deal breaker.” Dunh dunh dunh.

Luckily, Nayte was more forthcoming when he and Michelle were alone in his suite. “All I do, all I do is think about life with you, that’s all I do,” he told her. “I think what’s scary is just looking at you right now knowing like, hey, I might wake up tomorrow and just never be able to see you again, you know? That’s scary as hell.

“So as crazy as it is for me to get down on one knee, I am more than ready to do that with you because I want this to be forever, you know?”

She did know. She left Nayte’s room saying, “I think my heart is telling me that this is my person.”

So Brandon was a goner then except, conveniently, there was a letter from Brandon waiting when Michelle got back to her suite — and I don’t blame the conspiracy theorists out there for suspecting production wrote it for him.

It talked about how “a world without you is a world I fear to face” and how he’d always place her happiness above his and he’d love her forever and he’d always see her, etc. Just the sort of thing you want to read the night before you dump someone.

So the narrative the next day, as Nayte and Brandon picked out engagement rings, was that Michelle was confused and her heart torn.

Production threw one more red herring our way by having Michelle say in voice-over as we watched her walk barefoot across the sand to the proposal platform that she was following her heart and was “never going to feel unseen again,” a clear callback to the words in Brandon’s letter.

But of course it was Brandon’s SUV that pulled up first.

Michelle and Brandon tearfully embrace after she dropped her bombshell.

There were so many heartbreaking moments to choose from as Michelle broke up with Brandon, while reassuring him that she still loved him — at least the ones we could hear since the crashing waves drowned out much of the sound, leading viewers to scramble to turn on closed captions.

“Giving you my heart was worth it. It’s something I’ll never regret,” said Brandon while struggling to hold back tears. But tears there were, many, on both their parts.

“I’m just so broken,” he said and there was nothing fake about that.

Michelle had dried her tears by the time Nayte arrived, vowing to make sure she was “always chosen first, seen now and today, tomorrow and for the rest of our lives.”

“I love you with my entire heart,” Michelle told him, adding that her soul mate “is definitely standing right in front of me.”

Yes, of course Nayte proposed to Michelle.

Nayte got down on one knee, pulled out the pear-shaped Neil Lane sparkler he’d chosen, and they were engaged and giddy with happiness.

“This is my soul Nayte,” declared Michelle.

A mariachi band serenaded them, and Kaitlyn and Tayshia Adams ran down the beach cheering to congratulate them (I must say I always get a kick out of that part).

So are they still happy and in love?

It sure looked that way on “After the Final Rose,” which Kaitlyn hosted solo since Tayshia had been exposed to COVID-19.

Michelle reassured Kaitlyn and everybody else that not only was Nayte continuing to let his guard down in their relationship, “he’s more vulnerable than me.”

“I really can say I’ve never been with somebody who makes me feel so beautiful truly inside and out,” Michelle said.

Perhaps, most importantly, mom LaVonne and the rest of the Young clan had fallen in love with Nayte too. And LaVonne was now “besties” with Nayte’s mom. They were in the live studio audience, which went from unmasked to masked about 40 minutes in after viewers complained about the lack of COVID precautions on Twitter.

So simmer down, doubters. Nayte might not have been your pick, but he and Michelle seem as happy as any couple who got together on a dating show can be. Plus he’s Canadian, so I have to support him, eh?

Now, for Brandon. And I apologize for the length of this recap, but damn you to hell three-hour finales!

Brandon and Michelle reunite for the first time since their breakup.

He was gracious while speaking with both Kaitlyn and Michelle, saying he’d always love Michelle but was thankful she’d found her person.

The only hint of frustration came when he said he felt “like a little bit my love was overlooked” and found it confusing that “you really had to push Nayte to that point . . . you never had to push me.”

Maybe we’ll see Brandon again on “Bachelor in Paradise” next summer, although part of me feels like he’s too pure for it.

Speaking of seeing people again, Kaitlyn also brought out the next Bachelor, Clayton Echard, “a man who does need an introduction because nobody knows who he is.”

That’s not true, though. We all know who Clayton is, at least on a surface level. We just don’t understand how he got to be the Bachelor.

Kaitlyn had Clayton read mean tweets about himself, some of which viewers thought were fake.

I will say that Clayton was a good sport. “I kind of wanted this too,” he said in response to the tweet “All I want for Christmas is for Rodney to be the Bachelor. #SantaSucks.” And he laughed really hard at one that read, “I hope Clayton uses protection in the fantasy suites, otherwise 9 months later there are gonna be a lot of baby Shreks running around.”

We also saw the steamy, bitchy, tear-filled promo for Clayton’s season, the one that gives away all the drama by revealing that he told all of the final three he loved them and was “intimate” with at least the final two.

Who am I kidding? I may not be excited about it the new season, but I’ll be recapping it, starting with the Jan. 3 premiere. So check back here Jan. 4 and, until then, have a safe, happy holiday.

And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Fantasy suites turn bros into foes and The Bachelorette is in love

December 15, 2021 / Debra Yeo

From left, Nayte Olukoya, Joe Coleman and Brandon Jones await their fate on “The Bachelorette.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC.

Sorry Chris Sutton, but you know who sure seems to have it in the bag after Tuesday’s episode of “The Bachelorette.”

Michelle Young and her final three — Nayte Olukoya, Joe Coleman and Brandon Jones — went to Mexico for fantasy suite dates, but she told only one of those men she was already in love with him. That would be Nayte.

And yes, you’d be forgiven for thinking this takes the mystery out of next week’s finale, in which she’ll chose between Nayte and Brandon. Michelle’s feelings for Nayte were clearly more advanced, notwithstanding that she told Brandon she was “falling in love” with him.

Still, we’ve been promised a “shocking conclusion you’d never expect,” so I guess those of us who aren’t up on the spoilers will wait and see.

Her choice is between a man who says he’s never been in love before and whose own stepdad doubts he’s ready to get engaged, and a man who says he’s so ready you feel like telling him to slow his roll.

Brandon got the first date on Tuesday, which he interpreted as a sign of favour from Michelle. And he couldn’t wait to “literally rip out my heart, throw it on the table and say, ‘Just do what you want with it, because it only beats for you at this point.'”

Obviously, he didn’t “literally” do that, but figuratively? Oh yes, indeed.

That night, after their daytime horseback riding and beach smooching, he told Michelle he loved her three times before they’d even cleared the dinner table.

“I’m just so sick of keeping it in because I want you to know I will always, always put you first, always till I take my last breath I will put you first,” Brandon said.

That seems pretty intense for an “I’m still one of three guys left” date, but Michelle wasn’t put off by it.

She reiterated that she was falling in love with Brandon and told him she could see a future with him. “I’ve never met somebody who has made me feel so safe, has made my heart feel so safe. I’m really excited about that, I’m not gonna lie.”

Brandon feeds Michelle an empanada in bed.

They were still on the same page the next morning, even though Brandon shoved an empanada practically up Michelle’s nose, leading to a food fight in bed (ugh, the poor cleaning staff).

“We’re playful, we have so much fun together whether we are kissing, have empanada sliding down our faces or are having a heart to heart: this relationship seems like it has it all,” Michelle said.

One thing Brandon didn’t count on in his glee at getting the first date was the stress of having to sit in the hotel on the nights that Michelle had her other dates, picturing what she was up to with the other two men.

It’s a particularly mean tradition to have the final three all stay in the same suite so they can watch each other roll in the morning after they’ve spent the night with the Bachelorette.

Luckily, none of the men went into the gory details, but you could cut the tension with a knife. “Now we kind of went from bros to foes,” said Nayte.

Joe was the next bro-foe up for a date.

The narrative going in was that Michelle had to learn more about Joe to decide if she could picture a life with him. I’m not entirely sure how ziplining helps with that, but Michelle dug the fact that the normally reserved Joe screamed as he was doing it and showed his “goofy side.”

“Today was, I think, a big day for me because I saw the energetic, upbeat Joe; I saw the relaxed, adventurous side,” Michelle said. If you say so. She also called Joe a 1,000-piece puzzle “and I like puzzles.” Hmmm.

If nothing else, it was the most picturesque date. How can you beat the image of them smooching as the sun sets with a hungry horse nudging them?

Joe and Michelle seemed to vibe at dinner over their shared desire to make a difference in the world, which seemed like a good thing — until you recall she had a similar conversation with Matt James on their “Bachelor” date and they didn’t end up together either.

While Joe and Michelle were bonding, Brandon was back at the hotel quietly freaking out over the fact his woman was out with another man: “You kind of get into your head, thinking ‘Oh, maybe she’s already got the person picked out she wants to be with.'”

Well, yeah, duh, of course she does. The fiction that she’s still trying to decide between three men at this point is just a ridiculous requirement of the format.

Brandon might have taken comfort from knowing that when Michelle woke up with Joe the next day she told him, “I hope you know how much I care about you and how much you mean to me.” The thing is: Joe was already on the L-word train; Michelle was still on the platform.

Nayte, meanwhile, had correctly surmised that it was better to be last than first in the date order. “I would want, personally, my closest connection to be the last guy,” he told Brandon.

Nayte Olukoya was No. 1 in the soul-mate stakes.

Michelle validated that, as they enjoyed cruising on a catamaran, by saying in her voice-over, “When I’m with Nayte I feel how you’re supposed to feel when you’re with your soul mate, when you’re with your favourite person.”

But were her feelings for Nayte stronger than his were for her? Was he ready to get engaged?

Never one to beat about the bush, Michelle told Nayte at dinner, “So falling in love is one thing, being in love is another thing and then engagement is another thing. Which of those are you ready for?”

“I mean, all three,” Nayte said. “I know I trust myself, I trust you and I trust that I’m really falling in love with you.”

Good enough, off to the fantasy suite.

Nayte upped the ante the next morning, telling Michelle, “I’m falling in love with you, I’m in love with you.”

“I am definitely in love with you too,” Michelle replied.

After that, it was no surprise that Nayte was cocky as hell going into the rose ceremony — annoying but not surprising.

Brandon, on the other hand, seemed hella nervous, enough to pull Michelle aside before she could start handing out the roses.

It played well into the production tricks suggesting Michelle was going to send him home. In her voice-over she said she was going to break the heart of “someone who continued to put me first,” basically taking the words right out of Brandon’s mouth. And then she wiped tears from her eyes as Brandon told her, “I will be here for you regardless of what happens to me.”

We were also supposed to think that Brandon’s “Hail Mary,” as Nayte called it, had changed Michelle’s mind about who to send home. Not a chance. If you parse everything she said to Brandon and to Joe on their separate dates it was clear the latter was a goner.

And go he did, expressing his shock.

Michelle told Joe she was still falling in love with him and really had seen a future with him, and she cried an awful lot after his SUV drove away. So much for her “little slice of home.”

Next Tuesday, it’s the three-hour finale (ugh), with the promo suggesting that Michelle’s dad is worried about Brandon becoming jealous and her mom doubting Nayte’s readiness for an engagement, but you know how deceptive those promos can be. We’ll see what’s what next week.

You can tune in at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Tayshia in hot seat along with the men on Bachelorette Men Tell All

December 7, 2021 / Debra Yeo

“Pizzapreneur” Peter Izzo, second from left, makes a point as the other men react on “The Men Tell All.” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos but screen grabs John Fleenor/ABC

Profanity-filled yelling matches, a fake subpoena, a tasteless streaking stunt, co-host Tayshia Adams being driven off the stage in tears: the “Men Tell All” episode of “The Bachelorette” was a lot.

Add to that a promo for a new season of “The Bachelor” that nobody wants that basically gave away the key dramatic moments and you had a tumultuous helping of TV that Twitter observers compared to “Jerry Springer.”

It made for some uncomfortable viewing in the first hour of the episode while the second hour was filled with, well, filler, including a ridiculous stunt that involved a plant in the audience yelling “We love you, Rodney,” stripping off his clothes and being chased around the studio by security in a lame call-back to Rodney’s nude dare on his one-on-one date.

Sorry, Rodney’s streak was funny, this was just silly.

Rich Leach takes a bite out of his “head,” a call-back to his Night 1 entrance on a platter.

And then there was the cake shaped like Rick’s head in honour of his head-on-a-platter Night 1 entrance, the defamation papers that Peter Izzo had Will Urena “served” with and, later, Peter serving everybody free pizza in a shameless plug for his business.

Maybe we should cut the guy some slack, though, since earlier in the episode Tayshia and Kaitlyn read out what were clearly fake one-star reviews of the place.

If you hadn’t watched any of Michelle Young’s season and you just tuned in on Monday night, you might have thought the whole thing had been a shit show when in fact, with a few notable exceptions, the men had mostly emulated the respectful tone that Michelle herself set.

Michelle brought that same tone to “Men Tell All,” as did two of her nicer rejects, Rodney Mathews and Rick Leach.

Tayshia and co-host Kaitlyn Bristowe poked at the tender spots of their lingering feelings for Michelle. Even fellow contestant Casey (big dude, beardy, in case you’ve forgotten) wiped tears from his eyes when an emotional Rick said, “It’s tough because there’s moments I shared with Michelle that made me feel like I had found my person.”

When Tayshia asked Rick what made Michelle the only person he’d been able to tell the whole story of his father’s death, he replied, “I’d say she listens to understand, she doesn’t listen just to respond and that’s not a skill everyone has.”

You can say that again.

There was no listening going on during the resurrection of the bad blood between “pizzapreneur” Peter and Will — you remember: Will called Peter a narcissist; Peter threw Will’s “Top Gun” jacket in the pool. There was a fair bit of shouting and swearing, though, and it wasn’t all coming from Peter and Will. Daniel and Casey both piled on Peter, with Casey snarking, “There’s 30 guys and only one person who can’t shut the fuck up.” And then Kaitlyn and Tayshia had to yell to get all of them to shut the fuck up.

But they also contributed to the beef by pulling up bad reviews of Peter’s pizzeria on a screen, which Peter blamed on Will posting the name of the biz on his social media. And I’m sorry, but “Pizza tasted like it was drenched in pool water”? That’s clearly not a real review.

Will Urena gets “served.” As if Peter thought that up all by himself.

Peter got the last word and he used it to have some mean-looking bald dude throw papers in Will’s lap, telling him, “You’ve been served for defamation of character.”

“Come at me bro, that’s a little taste of what’s gonna happen in real life,” said Peter.

You mean production will set up another stunt for you?

Never mind, they shook hands and hugged it out later after Peter had pizza brought in for everyone.

The greatest villain hits tour moved on to Ryan, the guy who was sent home on Night 1 with a binder full of notes on how to maximize his screen time. He’s still insisting those were just cheat sheets from friends since he had no knowledge of how things worked on “The Bachelorette,” which is at odds with the fact he’s appeared on “The Bachelor Live on Stage” (which Becca Kufrin was in the audience to shill for, by the way).

The most useful part of the exchange was that it gave fan favourite Pardeep Singh the spotlight: “You’re someone who desperately wanted to be on ‘The Bachelor’ your whole life, that’s all you do. You have zero integrity, dude,” he told Ryan.

Next up was Martin Gelbspan.

Romeo told Martin he was disappointed by his “triple whammy of misogyny,” but Martin was still talking BS, claiming he’d been misunderstood by Michelle.

I wish they’d spent a little more time on Will’s claim that Martin had a girlfriend back home during shooting. Martin did admit he’d been dating the woman who is now his “soul mate” before the show, which is highly suspicious. And Casey claimed Martin told Peter he had a girlfriend.

In any case I feel sorry for that “queen,” as Martin called her.

Chris Sutton also got some attention for his shenanigans. You know, trying to “rescue” Michelle from men who thought they had it “in the bag,” blah blah blah.

The only thing worth noting is that Olu Inajide called out Chris, who is white, on his racist nonsense of describing Olu, who is Black, as having a low IQ.

“You looking at black excellence right here. I have a whole master’s degree, boy,” Olu said, standing up and walking over to Chris to demand Chris look him in the eye, which had Rodney and Peter jumping up and getting between them. Chris said he had nothing to say to Olu, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he peed himself a little.

Jamie Skaar in the hot seat in a screen grab from “The Men Tell All.”

And then we had Jamie Skaar, who didn’t sit with the other men at first but was brought out from backstage to the hot seat.

To recap: among Jamie’s sins was telling Michelle the men were upset about a rumour that she knew Joe Coleman before filming, a rumour that he himself perpetuated but refused to own up to; and describing Michelle as being in “spring break mode” and the other men as being beneath his level.

The other men wanted Jamie to fess up and apologize. Instead he talked in circles, blabbing about how there were “three pieces to that” and “two levels of understanding,” and doing everything but admitting he acted like a dick.

It seemed like he’d been let off the hook when his time in the hot seat was interrupted to bring Rick onstage, but that was before Michelle had her way with him.

After Michelle came onstage, Jamie spouted some crap about how he and Michelle both liked to coach people and build people up, to which Michelle listened stony-faced.

Michelle Young with Kaitlyn Bristowe and Tayshia Adams. She stopped smiling when it came to Jamie.

“As I watch back and I see those things that you have said on camera about me going through a spring break mode, you express that you thought the men in the house were below you, for me that’s not what a coach does . . . So I don’t understand how you can be so comfortable or quick to express and preach positivity when that’s not what you’re showcasing 100 per cent of the time,” she said, as the studio audience exploded in cheers and applause.

“I’m not seeing any responsibility.”

So Jamie threw out a weasel apology: “If anybody feels hurt by the words that came out of my mouth I apologize for it.” He also said his comments were about him “venting” rather than his genuine opinions about anyone else.

Michelle was having none of it, noting that his apology put responsibility on the other men rather than on himself and that he hadn’t learned anything from his comments.

So finally, Jamie said, “I was in the wrong and I apologize for that.”

Did he mean it? Not a chance, but Michelle accepted it.

She also accepted an apology from Martin, who was still talking nonsense about “miscommunication” and “misunderstanding” — wrong “m” word, Martin, I believe “misogyny” is the one you want.

But Michelle also schooled him on what women truly deserve: “It is important to lift women up because we are not lifted up,” she said. “And you have to truly understand what that means to treat a woman like a queen. It’s listening to her when she’s vulnerable and embracing what she’s been through instead of calling her immature . . . because those words really do hit deep, not only for me but for so many other women.”

I don’t think for a minute that Martin got what she was saying, but let’s move on to the nice guys.

Should have been Bachelor Rodney Mathews, left, next to Peter Izzo.

The sweetest interaction was with Rodney, who made it to top four. Michelle complimented him and he complimented her right back.

“The way that you truly carried yourself with so much class, so much poise, so much grace, I’m just so happy for you, I’m so proud of you,” Rodney said.

“I’m so grateful and so thankful for everything you did for me. As long as you’re happy I’m happy. I just wish you nothing but the best.”

It was a painful reminder of how great it would have been to see Rodney as the new Bachelor — a man who came into the season considering himself an underdog but who quickly soared in Michelle’s and everyone’s else regard.

But we’re stuck with faux “underdog” Clayton Echard and a promo of his season was shown with much fanfare. Don’t let the excited cheers from the studio audience fool you; when you’re at a TV show taping there are always people behind the scenes coaching you to cheer very loudly at certain moments.

Besides showing Clayton kissing a bunch of mostly white girls (and a glimpse of what looked like Toronto’s CN Tower) the promo appeared to have revealed the final two, with Clayton telling them “I was intimate with both of you.” And it seems he also told three women he was in love with them and we know how well that sort of thing worked out for Ben Higgins.

Does any of that make me excited for Clayton’s season? Not in the least, but I’ll probably end up recapping it anyway.

One final word. I know it’s the host’s job to ask probing questions on these “Tell All” episodes, but since when does that extend to your co-host?

Kaitlyn pointed out the absence of Tayshia’s engagement ring and asked, “Can you tell us what’s going on in your relationship with Zac?”

“All I have to say is that I’m heartbroken,” replied Tayshia. “We tried really hard and I still love him very much and, um, I’m not sure what the future holds. I mean you know how it is, it’s really tough.”

Kaitlyn assured her she did know and wanted Tayshia to be happy. She hugged her before segueing to Rodney’s time in the hot seat with the cringeworthy, “From one broken heart to another.” But Tayshia was so upset she left the stage, walking right between Kaitlyn and the camera.

I’m sure Kaitlyn was just doing what she’d been told, but it seems like a new low in the producers’ ever ongoing quest to create drama.

“The drama continues,” as the announcer reminded us, with a new episode next Tuesday as Michelle tries to suss out her “person” from among Nayte, Joe and Brandon.

You can tune in at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

An apple falls right out of the tree on ‘The Bachelorette’ hometowns

December 1, 2021 / Debra Yeo

Nayte Olukoya, Joe Coleman, Rodney Mathews and Brandon Jones wait to learn their fate
on the hometowns episode of “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

You could say the hometowns episode of “The Bachelorette” came down to an apple vs. a guy in orange shorts. Michelle Young tossed the man who will forever be known for dressing as an apple on Night 1 while the man who donned orange swim trunks on their date, the one we were meant to think she was having doubts about, maintained his frontrunner status.

I mean it’s hard to drum up drama when you have a final four that seems this benevolent, and not a mean brother or rude mother in the bunch among the families that Michelle met.

The closest we got to hometown conflict was when Nayte’s stepdad expressed doubt that Nayte was ready for an engagement, which set up the narrative that Michelle was “struggling” as she went into the rose ceremony with the fear that Nayte would break her heart.

But there was no way she was going to send the season’s frontrunner home; ditto for Brandon, since Michelle told him she was falling for him. And was she really going to ditch Joe after he threw her a prom?

So that left Rodney Mathews, the down-to-earth, good-natured fellow who wormed his way into viewers’ hearts.

I always figure you can tell a lot about a man by how he makes his exit. “I’m always gonna care about you, Michelle, like forever,” Rodney said. “You’re amazing Michelle, so thank you.” And he kissed her hand before he got into the SUV.

That’s class. And I don’t want to belabour the point, but like a lot of other people I’m wondering why we couldn’t have had Rodney for a Bachelor instead of Clayton Echard, whom ABC finally confirmed as its next male star.

While I had hoped we might get actual hometown dates this week, instead the men’s families came to Minneapolis.

First up was Brandon, who hails from Portland, Oregon.

Michelle gets a skateboarding lesson from Brandon Jones. My apologies for the crappy screen grabs,
but ABC’s photo selection for the episode was really paltry.

The less said about the skateboarding part of the date the better. Whatever skills Brandon had gained from skating with his whole family deserted him with Michelle around and yes, it did make him look 14.

Skating around Brandon’s mother Carmen, father David and brother Noah was way easier. Noah was playing the skeptic of the group, but Michelle told him she could 100 per cent see herself with Brandon. She won David over by talking fishing and basketball. And she assured Carmen she could see who Brandon really was “and that’s why Brandon is still here, because I truly love who that person is.”

Speaking of love, Michelle told Brandon, “After today it is very clear to me that I am falling for you.” Combine that with the fact there was so much goodbye smooching that they were still lip-locked as Michelle sat in the back of the van and Brandon seemed like a shoo-in for a rose.

Next it was Rodney’s turn to take Michelle spiritually if not physically to Rancho Cucamonga, Calif., but they picked apples and Rodney fed Michelle apples blindfolded, callbacks both to the first night and their one-on-one date.

Michelle was clearly the apple of Rodney Mathew’s eye during their hometown.

If you didn’t know any better it would be easy to think Rodney stood a real shot at a rose. Michelle leapt on him and kissed him and told him she missed him. She said Rodney could be the “best friend” her parents had told her she should end up with. We never heard Michelle say she was falling for him, however.

When his mom, Carrie, asked Michelle if she could create a life with Rodney outside “The Bachelorette,” the best Michelle could come up with was that Rodney was the type of person she’d want to be stuck in an airport with for five hours if their flight got cancelled.

So yeah, I get why Carrie was fearing the worst for her son with three other men in the running, but Rodney told her Michelle was worth the risk.

Perhaps Joe, on the other hand, already had a leg up, since he shared his hometown of Minneapolis with Michelle, but he had the best non-family date activity hands down. He took Michelle to prom at his old high school complete with fancy clothes, snacks, balloons, dancing, a photo booth, king and queen sashes and crowns and, with no chaperones, all the smooching they wanted.

The prom do-over that Joe Coleman (and production) planned made Michelle happy.

This was a callback to Michelle’s group date spoken-word poem in which she said she was the last picked for prom, as well as the fact Joe had never gone to one.

“You’ll always be first with me,” Joe told her.

“Joe really sees me and understands me,” Michelle said.

The tough cookie at the family meet-and-greet was meant to be Joe’s sister-in-law, Hanna, but once again the family was putty in Michelle’s hands.

She told Hanna Joe was her “little slice of home away from home” and Hanna decided that Michelle had the kind of strength and energy that Joe needed in his life. Although she also said, “I hope this works out because we will see her in the grocery store.”

The last supposed obstacle was that Joe hadn’t told Michelle how he felt about her yet, but he rectified that: “I am falling in love with you and I feel like you’re that special person for me.”

Finally, it was the turn of Nayte, a Winnipeg native who now calls Austin, Texas home.

Nayte Olukoya put on the orange swim trunks that Michelle said she liked for their date.

The paddleboarding was an entertaining enough diversion for Michelle, but the main event was meeting Nayte’s mom Leanna and stepdad Charles, who were divorced but had come together just to support Nayte — or Nathaniel, as they called him.

Nayte had warned Michelle that his family wasn’t into talking about emotions — “no heart to hearts, no I love you’s” — so it was pretty remarkable to watch Nayte and Charles do both those things, apparently for the first time ever.

Charles, who had come into Nayte’s life when he was in Grade 9, told Nayte what an amazing journey it had been to watch him “grow up to be you.”

“Never doubt that I’m proud of you . . . never, ever, ever doubt that I love you and never doubt that I’m here for you,” Charles said.

Nayte thanked him for everything.

“I’m gonna have a family one day and I want to be who you were to me for them,” said Nayte, with tears in his eyes.

“You’ll be even better than me,” Charles replied.

If nothing else ever comes of Nayte meeting Michelle, that’s a moment to treasure right there.

But for purposes of plot development, the important conversation was between Michelle and Charles when she asked if Nayte was ready for an engagement and Charles replied, “I don’t know if he’s gonna get to that point.”

Then again, who knows if that answer actually had anything to do with Michelle’s question, given the magic of editing, although Nayte himself told his mom he wasn’t quite there yet.

The day of the rose ceremony, Michelle had an extraneous visit from her former “Bachelor” mates Bri Springs and Serena Pitt, which boiled down to Michelle telling them it was going to be tough to send one of her final four home since they were “the best guys I’ve met in my entire life.” And maybe she’d get her heart broken at the end. Well, duh.

When the time came, Michelle handed roses to Brandon, Nayte and Joe and you know the rest.

Next week it’s back to a Monday night schedule with “Men Tell All.” ABC also promoted Clayton’s “Bachelor” season for the first time, which starts Jan. 3. My assessment, based on the clips, is that they’ve brought on some mean girls to compensate for what would otherwise be the deadly dullness of the season.

You can tune in next Monday at 9 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

A Bachelor is born and a final 4 picked on The Bachelorette

November 24, 2021 / Debra Yeo

Michelle Young gets milking lessons with Nayte, Rodney, Martin, Olu and Joe on “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos but screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

Michelle Young, who’s just the fourth Black lead in 43 combined “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” seasons, picked her final four in Tuesday’s episode and they’re all men of colour for the first time in franchise history.

It’s just too bad that milestone is being overshadowed by the choice of yet another dull white guy as the next Bachelor.

The good news is that on Tuesday Bachelor Nation finally got its first clue as to why Clayton Echard got the call (still to be officially confirmed by ABC). The bad news is that either ABC is letting fifth graders make its casting decisions or it’s manipulating children.

The kids — four students who’d been taught by Michelle — had the task of choosing one of the remaining eight men for a one-on-one date and they picked Clayton.

No sense getting down on the kids. Clayton did build them a fort out of sheets, pillows and overturned furniture. And as student Luke said, “Clayton has really big muscles. He’d be really good at carrying the groceries in” — definitely a useful skill in a husband.

The kids were also perceptive about who didn’t deserve Miss Young’s time.

“I don’t really like Martin,” said Kelsey. “I don’t know how to explain it. He’s trying to show off. I don’t know if he’s the right one for Michelle and he wears too much cologne.”

Well, that’s bang on.

The kids, if it was indeed the kids, also planned one of the best dates we’ve seen all season, sending Michelle and Clayton to the Bell Museum of Natural History at the University of Minnesota for a real-life Night at the Museum — minus the exhibits that come to life.

Unfortunately for Clayton, fort-building skills and making up his own animal mating call weren’t enough to snag him a rose and a hometown date.

Clayton Echard and Michelle spent the evening in a natural history museum.

Let’s be honest though, that was a given. Sure, he earned the group date rose on last week’s episode, but with guys like Nayte, Joe, Brandon, Rick and Rodney in the running for hometowns Clayton had an insurmountable amount of catching up to do.

Michelle said he checked all the boxes as far as desirable qualities, but “giving out this rose means I’m ready to meet your family and I don’t feel that I’m able to get there with you in time.”

So what made the producers fall in love with him? His muscles? His earnest confession about being ready to settle down and have a family after five years of focusing on his job to the exclusion of all else?

They key moment in the campaign to win fans over to Clayton came after he’d been eliminated and he got letters from two of the kids urging him not to be sad that Miss Young didn’t choose him, which made him cry and vow he’d do whatever it takes to have a family of his own.

Thoughts: why only two letters, was the vote for Clayton not unanimous? (Ahmed, for instance, seemed partial to Rodney and his shaved nipples.)

These letters seemed about as genuine as the wishes that Michelle and Rick pulled out of a wish box on their date but, even if they were real, Luke and Kelsey wouldn’t have written them without guidance from production.

Jayleen and Kelsey, two members of the Bachelor selection committee.

“You will probably meet someone else and fall in love and have lots of kids and be a great dad,” wrote Kelsey, stopping just short of “And you’ll be the next Bachelor.” Just to hammer the point home, the end credits showed Jayleen, impressed that Clayton let her paint his fingernails red, telling a producer, “He’ll be the next Bachelor.”

Yeah, OK, we get it.

Time to move on to what the point of the season is supposed to be: Michelle finding a husband.

To that end, she took Rick, Rodney, Nayte, Joe, Martin and Olu on a farm date, ostensibly also picked by the kids, on which they milked cows, bottle fed calves, churned butter and shovelled shit.

But the real poop got flung around at the after-party. Martin — still pontificating about his “miscommunication” with Michelle over his sexist comment that Miami women were high maintenance — told Rick and Olu that Michelle had not been paying attention, which was “why she perceived everything a little bit incorrectly.”

“There’s a lot of things that have made me question what she really stands for, I guess,” Martin said. And then he mentioned Michelle’s group date poem, the one in which she shared her hurt at being the “token Black girl” at school, and said it showed there was “something deep inside her that maybe she hasn’t worked past and I think that’s immature.”

Michelle in one of her final conversations with Martin Gelbspan.

Martin, of course, despite his boast that he was brutally honest, didn’t share any of that BS with Michelle but just blah blahed about how she was an amazing woman and he wanted to introduce her to his family and friends.

But Olu spilled the tea — “I just want that right man for you,” he said and I believed him — and Michelle confronted Martin.

Martin at first denied the “immature” comment and then tried to spin it as being about the “difference between being insecure and having insecurities,” which doesn’t even make sense. And he kept talking over Michelle, then apologized for “maybe speaking over you” when she called him on it.

I doubt Martin would have got a hometown rose even if Olu hadn’t spoken up, but it was nice to see Michelle put him in his place before showing him the door.

The real Martin came out in the SUV of Shame. Michelle was making a mistake, he said, but “at this point I wouldn’t even care to give her a shot . . . like a woman like that does not deserve my time.”

Can’t wait to see you get your misogynistic ass handed to you at Men Tell All, dude.

Both butter and Michelle were putty in Nayte Olukoya’s hands.

In any event, the only man who was getting the rose on the group date was Nayte, and it wasn’t for his butter churning or the fact he put his back out on manure duty. He told Michelle he was “definitely, seriously, strongly falling for you” and she replied that she was “really tumbling down a hill so fast falling for you as well.”

So if he wasn’t before, Nayte is now the man to beat.

Next up was a one-on-one with Brandon, the main event of which was Michelle taking him to her childhood home while her parents were out.

Brandon Jones and Michelle before her parents “caught” them.

We’re supposed to believe that Michelle’s idea to hang out in her parents’ Jacuzzi, with Brandon in a borrowed pair of her dad’s trunks no less, was spontaneous and that it was a complete coincidence that her folks surprised them there mid-smooch. As if.

To be honest, I’ve always found Brandon’s intensity when it comes to wooing Michelle a little unsettling and, on Tuesday, he dialled it up to 11 by asking for her folks’ permission to marry her — like, bro, you didn’t even know yet if you were getting a hometown date!

The sentimentality continued at dinner, where Brandon talked about how much he wished Michelle could have met his late grandfather, who was his best friend, and gifted her a bracelet that his mom made for him to give Michelle “if I truly think that you’re the one.”

“Michelle Ann Young, I’m falling in love with you,” he declared.

Michelle handed over the rose, obviously, telling Brandon “I can see you being my best friend.”

She also said, “It’s very possible that I could fall in love with Brandon,” but she won’t and man, is he going to be crushed when he gets sent home.

All that was left to do was hand out the other two roses, which Michelle did after cancelling the cocktail party, a move that’s always supposed to come as a shock but never does.

Obviously her fellow Minnesotan Joe Coleman — of whom she said after the farm date, “Clearly Joe knows how to handle tests” — was a lock for a hometown. I figured it was between Rick and Rodney for the final rose and it was Rodney’s.

Despite how much Bachelor Nation loves Olu — and they’ve been lobbying for weeks for him as Bachelor instead of Clayton — he never had a one-on-one with Michelle, a clear indication he wasn’t her guy.

When Michelle said letting Rick and Olu go was her “most difficult goodbye yet,” you believed her.

On to hometowns — and will Michelle actually go to their hometowns? — and an assortment of skeptical family members.

You can tune in next Tuesday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Nayte gets one-on-one, Chris S gets bum’s rush on Bachelorette

November 17, 2021 / Debra Yeo

Did the producers have it in for Chris Sutton, fifth from right? He had the most ridiculous
costume on a Viking-themed group date. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos *Craig Sjodin*/ABC

Has there ever been a more perfect visual metaphor than Chris S dressed as a horse’s ass on Tuesday’s episode of “The Bachelorette”?

I’m hard pressed to think of one considering Chris spent his portion of the episode acting like a posterior.

Let’s review. Last week, Chris disrupted the cocktail party by telling Michelle Young that some guys, i.e. Nayte, thought they had it “in the bag,” primarily because Nayte commented that it wasn’t a question of if he got a one-on-one date but when.

Well, duh, Nayte was right: the first impression rose winner got Tuesday’s second one-on-one (Michelle’s fellow Minnesotan, Joe Coleman, got the first, more on that later).

The minute Chris realized that Nayte wasn’t on the group date card, he looked like he’d swallowed a lemon.

“I went out on a limb for her and told her the honest truth, which is what she wanted to hear and asked from everyone else in the house,” he told the producer-enabler on the other side of the camera, self-righteously tapping out his points with one of his fingers.

“Everything I said fell on deaf ears. The way things played out I feel like I got the short end of the stick.”

Well, he definitely got an end on the group date.

Chris, Casey, Rodney, Martin, Leroy, Rick, Clayton, Olu and Brandon met Michelle at the home of the Minnesota Vikings football team — yes, the group had relocated from Palm Springs to Michelle’s hometown of Minneapolis — where instead of the NFL Vikings they met three older dudes dressed up as ancient Vikings.

The date participants had to put on costumes and do things like yell really loudly, throw logs, eat disgusting fermented herring and arm wrestle. But all the guys except Chris got to dress more or less like Vikings; Chris, the least physically imposing man in the bunch, wore horse’s legs and hoofs with an inflatable horse rear end.

Chris Sutton in a tug of war with Casey Woods. Go ahead, try not to laugh at that silly image.

I’m thinking either the producers were having a laugh at Chris’s expense or trying to compound his humiliation so he’d go off the deep end. Having him arm wrestle the absolutely ripped Olu undoubtedly helped with that mission.

By the time the group segued to the after-party at the historic Semple Mansion, Chris was in full brood mode over the fact he didn’t get the one-on-one despite all the “good information” he’d given Michelle about Nayte. And he claimed he really wanted to talk to her about that but made no attempt to do so.

This was no doubt all part of the evil production plan, although Chris mouthed the word “Wow” when Michelle announced she was wrapping up the party despite not having spoken to Chris. (Clayton, who’d hulked his way into being declared a “true Viking” earlier in the day, got the date rose for telling Michelle about his admiration for his parents. As you know, Michelle is really into parents.)

Absurdly, despite having had a whole evening when he could have grabbed a few minutes of Michelle’s time, Chris decided to wait until the next day and interrupt her date with Nayte to say his piece.

Well, perhaps decided is the wrong word. He couldn’t have known where Michelle and Nayte were having dinner without production being on side, so whether he was goaded into living out his white saviour fantasy or was following a villain script (he is reportedly an aspiring actor) it obviously wasn’t entirely his idea.

Michelle and Nayte had been having a pretty deep discussion, with Michelle telling Nayte about a past relationship that was so toxic she couldn’t eat and thought she had a disease. They had just shared a kiss when Michelle looked over Nayte’s shoulder with a WTF expression on her face as Chris walked up to the table.

She agreed to step outside with Chris, who basically told her he was pissed she’d chosen Nayte over him, although he didn’t put it exactly like that.

“I came here to say I warned you and I don’t want you to make the wrong decision,” i.e. give a rose to Nayte, Chris told her.

With eloquence and far more patience than Chris deserved, Michelle told him she could make her own decisions.

“I do appreciate you wanting to look out for me but also, at the same time, I can speak for myself,” Michelle said. “And I want a man who’s going to stand and support me when I speak and not a man who’s going to speak for me.”

Also, “as a female of colour there’s a lot of situations where people speak for me and my voice isn’t heard.”

She made herself heard in this case. Telling Chris she didn’t see their “relationship” progressing, Michelle walked him as far as the top of the escalator and then returned to give Nayte the date rose, saying their chemistry “is undeniable, unlike anything that I’ve ever felt before.”

“I’m very crazy about Nayte,” Michelle said, adding that he was starting to feel like her person.

Nayte Olukoya cemented his frontrunner status after his date with Michelle.

Besides, Nayte had already been approved by people with way more cred than Chris: Michelle’s two best friends. They joined Michelle and Nayte earlier in the day on a boat ride on Lake Minnetonka (note: Michelle, as she has all season, did the driving) and asked him allegedly hard questions. The first question was clearly a plant from production: “Is there anyone here that you think could be here for the wrong reasons?”

That gave Nayte an opening to talk about Chris S and explain that he didn’t really think he had it in the bag; he was just confident because he knew “there’s something going on” with Michelle.

Michelle’s friends clearly agreed, gushing about Michelle’s and Nayte’s “amazing natural chemistry.”

“I love the way you guys look at each other,” said Allie.

Let’s backtrack a bit and talk about Joe, the season’s other frontrunner.

For their date, Michelle took him on a walk down memory lane — after they’d stopped by a Minnesota Twins game where she threw out the first pitch and kissed Joe for the Jumbotron — visiting her old high school, where they smooched while towering over her old locker, admired her photo in the trophy case and played one-on-one basketball in the gym (yeah, she beat him; in a dress, she pointed out).

“I feel like Joe would have been my crush in high school,” Michelle said.

The main event came over dinner where Joe told Michelle how a college football injury had led to a couple of operations, getting seven screws and a plate in his left foot, and anxiety, depression and thoughts of suicide when he couldn’t perform the same way on the basketball court and had to eventually quit the sport.

Michelle and Joe both shed tears.

“You give up so much for the sport that you love. To have something take you out of it before you’re ready to be taken out of it is a pain like not everyone will understand,” said Michelle, herself a former college basketball player.

Naturally Michelle gave Joe the date rose, saying her feelings for him had grown tremendously.

They finished the night with a smoochy Ferris wheel ride.

Joe Coleman was rewarded with a rose for opening up to Michelle on their date.

There were three roses already spoken for and five to give out going into the rose ceremony — yes, if you’re keeping track, we’re five for five in the rose ceremony to episode ratio.

The only thing you really need to know is that Martin had another bout of foot-in-mouth disease that I thought for sure was going to get his butt sent home.

First, he mentioned hearing Michelle give compliments to other men and wondering if she meant the ones she gave him.

“Do you think I would blow smoke up your ass?” asked Michelle. Uh, no.

Then Martin started yapping about women in Miami being high maintenance for allegedly expecting men to do everything for them.

Men, he said, don’t usually “go into a relationship saying ‘Hey, you’re gonna take care of me,'” which made Michelle laugh.

Excuse me, Martin, do you know any men?

And, then as the realization dawned that he was digging himself a hole, Martin told Michelle he knew she was different. Not exactly a convincing recovery.

Alas, he collected a rose along with Rick, Olu, Brandon and Rodney. Casey and Leroy went home.

I’m not entirely sure what next week will bring since the promo was about the rest of the season, but it looks like the other guys aren’t done targeting Nayte. Leave the Canadian guy alone, eh?

You can tune in next Tuesday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Chris S steps up as the new villain on The Bachelorette

November 10, 2021 / Debra Yeo

Michelle Young took 12 of the men on a slumber party group date, but they ended up sleeping on her. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Michelle Young wasn’t the only one who didn’t feel seen on Tuesday’s episode of “The Bachelorette.”

Apparently, Chris Sutton — who, let’s be honest, we haven’t paid attention to since his intro package in the season premiere — was missing his “look at me” moment. He rectified that with a self-serving speech at the cocktail party about how some of the other men thought they “have it in the bag” — it presumably meaning Michelle — and weren’t putting in the effort she deserves. And then he tried to throw Nayte Olukoya, one of the front-runners, under the bus.

Hey, Chris, we see you now, but it’s not a good look.

Chris actually said in his confessional: “I came in on my white horse and I saved her from the castle that she’s been stuck in.” First off, what the hell does that even mean? Second, I can’t think of anyone who needs saving less than Michelle, especially not by the likes of Chris.

I concur with Nayte: “What a dweeb.”

Alas, Chris S was still around after the rose ceremony. Michelle has done such a good job of weeding out the dudes who are there to cause drama: first Ryan, then Jamie and Peter. But Chris S got to stay. Maybe production asked her to stop dumping the trouble-makers? I don’t know.

Speaking of Jamie, Michelle’s first date was with Martin, who was described as being “very close” to Jamie, so the date narrative was whether Michelle could trust Martin.

Michelle and Martin Gelbspan hung out at the BMW Performance Center.

Personally, I’m not sure I’d trust a guy who tears the sleeves off his shirt, but that’s just me. Things seemed to go fine as Martin and Michelle spun around, literally, in BMW M3s at the BMW Performance Center near Palm Springs. Michelle outdrove Martin and that shouldn’t surprise you.

Martin started to skid when he and Michelle got into a tub to cool off with some champagne and Martin said he didn’t think Jamie was a bad person: “I still think he’s a hell of a man.” Michelle figured Martin was questioning her decision to send Jamie home. So was Martin next?

He course-corrected at dinner at the Rancho Mirage Observatory, explaining that he hadn’t learned how to express emotions growing up and was still working on his communication skills. I’m not sure what any of that had to do with his opinion of Jamie, but Michelle gave him the date rose.

It was on to the group date on which 12 of the men — Will, Chris S, Casey, Chris G, Leroy, Rodney, Olu, Brandon, Clayton, Joe, Romeo and Nayte — got to “surrender to love” by putting on PJs and attending a slumber party complete with cotton candy, popcorn, an ice cream sundae bar, mini spa treatments and giant teddy bears.

Michelle said it was all about “bonding and quality time,” but she didn’t count on the men being more interested in bonding with each other than with her.

By the time WWE stars the Bella Twins showed up to supervise the Ultimate Teddy Bear Takedown — in which the men beat the stuffing out of each other with their bears — Michelle was pissed.

The WWE’s Bella Twins helped the men turn their teddy bears from cuddly to cudgels.

She was so annoyed I’m not sure she took the time to appreciate the absurdity of pairing Brandon, who looks shall we say a little boyish, with Olumide, who Clayton said “looks like he ate three of Brandon for breakfast.” I mean, come on, we watched Olu do an exercise that looked like a pushup combined with a jumping jack.

Hosts Tayshia Adams and Kaitlyn Bristowe nearly fell off the couch when Olu took his shirt off. Brandon’s strategy of trying to dance out of reach could only work so long against that type of brawn.

So Olu’s team, which included Clayton, Casey, Romeo, Leroy and Nayte, won after-party time with Michelle. They were so busy jumping up and down together and playing with the streamers that fell from the ceiling they didn’t notice when Michelle left the building for a heart to heart with Kaitlyn.

Michelle explained that having the guys ignore her took her back emotionally to high school, when she was the “token black girl” who didn’t get asked out on dates. “I wasn’t seen,” said Michelle.

“I’m frustrated and hurt,” she added, struggling to hold back her tears. “In this situation I felt like one thing I wasn’t gonna have to worry about was not being seen.”

Totally makes sense to me, as it did to the chastened men at the after-party.

It resonated especially with Olu, who teared up as he told Michelle that everything she said about feeling isolated as a Black woman reminded him of his four sisters and “me being that male figure in my sisters’ life, having to uplift them, tell them that (they’re) beautiful, you can do anything, the right guy will come to your life.”

It was a genuine moment, one that Michelle especially appreciated because of Olu showing emotion as a Black man. For the date rose to go to anybody but him would have been ridiculous.

(And on the topic of ridiculous, I’m with everyone else who’s commenting about the absurdity of Clayton apparently being chosen as the next Bachelor before Michelle’s season even aired. No offence to Clayton, but I’ve seen nothing to suggest he won’t be just another boring white dude in the lead. Olu deserved to be considered.)

Michelle said she got what she needed from the men, that things were back on track.

Then, for a palate cleanser, she went on a one-on-one with Rick that involved taking the Palm Springs Aerial Tramway to Mount San Jacinto State Park, where they walked around taking in the view and smelling trees.

And oh look, there’s a “wish box,” with instructions to read all the wishes inside before writing and leaving your own. What a coincidence that the first two were about finding “my soulmate” and “a love like my grandparents had,” and the third was “I wish my dad could see the man I’ve become.” Because it turns out Rick has some serious father issues. So good job whichever producer got rid of all the real wishes and put in the fake ones.

Michelle’s and Rick’s wish was “We wish to find love by having the hard conversations,” which sounds less like a wish than a decree for every single dinner portion of a one-on-one date.

And so, during dinner, they got down to it. Essentially, when Rick was 17 he found a text from another woman on his dad’s phone, told his mom about it and his parents split up three days after Christmas. Rick talked about his dad being depressed for about 10 years and calling Rick one day when he was at work and too busy to talk. After Rick called back later, his dad texted “I’m just trying to catch my breath” and was then found dead by a friend, which happened three years ago.

His father died “still blaming me because I blew a whistle unfortunately,” Rick said.

That is heavy stuff that Michelle would have to hear eventually, but planting a note so Rick would talk about it on camera definitely feels skeevy.

Nonetheless, Rick regained his good cheer, told Michelle he felt like he was falling in love with her and accepted the date rose, which she presented to her “little lettuce wrap,” a callback to his Night 1 silver platter getup.

Michelle and Rick Leach enjoy a private performance by Andy Grammer.

And then they got to dance and smooch to a musical artist that people have actually heard of — and not a country one at that — Andy Grammer.

Onward to the rose ceremony — and can I just point out we’re four for four as far as episodes ending with rose ceremonies? Wow.

After Chris S made his silly speech and then rudely butted in front of Brandon for alone time with Michelle, he served up Nayte as an example of one of the men who thought they had it in the bag, recounting Nayte’s comments after the group date card arrived.

OK, yes, Nayte did say, “I’m not stressing about when I get a one-on-one date. All I know is a one-on-one is coming. If it’s not today it’s gonna be another time.” And yes, perhaps he should have said that in his inside voice, but he’s right! He’s the first impression rose winner and likely headed to the finale (and no I haven’t read the spoilers, I don’t give a crap about them) so duh, of course he’s getting a one-on-one.

Does that equate to thinking he has “it in the bag”? I don’t think so.

Nayte was understandably perturbed when his alone time with Michelle was consumed with what Chris had said about him and her warning him that “I’m not this massive prize at the end of this.”

So Nayte confronted Chris and they had a loud, angry conversation, during which Chris S lied and said he gave up Nayte’s name because Michelle asked him for the facts.

Chris Sutton, who will heretofore be down as the Dweeb, doing his best to impress Michelle.

Dude! As if she could get a word in edgewise during your monologue when you were too busy trying to make yourself look good.

Chris also got into it with Olu, who suggested Chris might not get a rose because of “the shit you just pulled.”

Chris laughed to himself, boasting about how all the men hated him and when he got his rose he was going to say, “This one’s for you Olu and then I’m gonna wink at him.” And I don’t believe in violence, but I really, really felt like reaching through the TV screen and slapping the smirk off his face.

Perhaps for an aspiring actor like Chris, it’s better to be a villain than just another guy who’s destined to be group date fodder. Did ABC offer him a speaking role on a show or something?

Anyway, Chris S did indeed get a rose along with Brandon, Leroy, Joe, Rodney, Clayton, Casey and Nayte. Chris G, Will and Romeo got jettisoned.

Next week, Chris S moans about Michelle’s “infatuation” with Nayte; there’s a one-on-one with Joe; Michelle spends quality time with Nayte, and tells some unlucky fellow or fellows “Our relationship isn’t progressing forward” and “I can’t do this anymore.” Fingers crossed those words are directed at Chris.

You can tune in next Tuesday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Michelle shows the men who’s Top Gun on The Bachelorette

November 3, 2021 / Debra Yeo

Michelle Young with “Top Gun: Maverick” actors Glen Powell and Jay Ellis. We all know who the Top Gun is this season. Hint: it’s not the dudes. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

Welcome to AP “Bachelorette.”

Your teacher for this advanced class is Michelle Young and she’s schooling all our asses on how to run a season.

For instance, if you find you’ve got a troublemaker in the bunch you don’t keep him hanging around so he can stir up more drama. You walk him to the elevator and send his butt home with nothing more than a polite “Have a good night.”

That’s how Jamie Skaar got his comeuppance on Tuesday’s episode.

To refresh your memory, Jamie caused a brouhaha at last week’s rose ceremony cocktail party by telling Michelle that unnamed men in the house were questioning her authenticity because of a rumour that she knew Joe Coleman before the season started. She did not, other than exchanging a couple of texts with him a few years ago. And the only man who seemed bothered by the possibility was Jamie himself.

Michelle got upset enough about Jamie’s revelation to cancel the rest of the cocktail party, which had the confused men wondering who’d been telling fibs about them. Jamie didn’t own up and probably would have kept his mouth shut indefinitely (or at least until “Men Tell All”) had Michelle not outed him to Rick, who told her that none of the men had been questioning her character.

When word got out at this week’s cocktail party that Jamie was “the rat,” to use Casey’s term, Jamie still wouldn’t fully own up, dancing around the question of what he’d actually told Michelle and then, bizarrely, suggesting he’d been worried about speculation by people watching the episode at home.

I’m with Nayte: “Why the fuck are we talking about episodes?”

Also, “Come on, man, you suck.”

Jamie Skaar just before Michelle Young gave him the heave-ho.

Which was essentially Michelle’s verdict on Jamie, although she put it more eloquently.

“I’m very hurt by you right now. I don’t trust you at this moment and I have to be done with it. I think it’s best that I walk you out tonight.”

Boom.

One wonders if she would have had more to say had she heard some of Jamie’s other on-camera pronouncements.

His arrogance going into the second group date was already galling, but when Brandon got the date rose instead of him, Jamie pulled a producer aside to complain that Brandon was “not even fucking close” to being in his league.

“I really felt like it would be a stronger group of guys. It was a nationwide search, where they at?” he sniped.

And then, “The challenging part with Michelle right now is she’s basically just in fucking spring break mode. It’s a little bit of a turnoff.”

You want to know what else is a turnoff? Men who act like they’re god’s gift to “Bachelorette”-hood.

Jamie wasn’t the only one stirring up crap on Tuesday.

Peter, the “pizzapreneur,” couldn’t shut his piehole on the first group date, which involved the men going through a bunch of “Top Gun” challenges in aid of promoting the “Top Gun: Maverick” movie.

That included a G-force simulator, one of those contraptions that spins you around really fast until you feel like puking (or so I imagine, thankfully never having been in one).

That scared the crap out of Will — a.k.a. Little Willy — who was apparently prone to motion sickness. Plus the men were supposed to tell Michelle how they felt about her while they were spinning around, which could be tough if you’re keeping your mouth closed so you don’t blow chunks.

But Will managed to tell Michelle he wanted to grow old with her in Spanish without barfing. That majorly pissed off Peter — a.k.a. Dough Boy — who told Michelle essentially the same thing in Italian.

So of course Peter and Will were paired up in the final challenge, which had the dudes “dog fighting,” or rather muscling each other off a mat with things that looked kind of like padded battering rams.

Jay Ellis confirms that “Dough Boy” Peter, right, got his ass kicked by Will in the dog fight.

Will dominated Peter and, given that and his puke-defying G-force ride, he was named the “Top Gun,” given a spiffy aviator jacket and got to drive around with Michelle in a vintage car from the new movie — although note that she did the driving.

That Peter would continue the feud at the cocktail party followed as naturally as cheese on pizza.

Peter was all “You’re a bully,” blah blah blah, and “See the cheques that I cash and then you call me a pizza boy” and “We’re gonna change lives one slice at a time” and really?

And then, because he’s a sore loser and a dick, Peter took Will’s new jacket and threw it in the pool, which made Will cry when he found out. But he didn’t snitch about it to Michelle because he didn’t want to ruin her mood (although how the hell her mood wasn’t already ruined by the noise of Peter and Will yelling at each other is beyond me).

Poor Will didn’t even get the date rose as consolation. That went to Martin because he’d taken a few minutes during the Top Gun exercises to pull Michelle aside and ask how she was feeling. So Martin got to dance and smooch with Michelle as a string quartet played “Take My Breath Away” — the big song from the 1986 “Top Gun” movie — while Will fished his soaking wet jacket out of the pool.

Onwards!

I’ll be honest, I would have pegged Rodney — a.k.a. the guy who didn’t know a Granny Smith from a Delicious apple — as perpetual group date fodder, but he got the week’s one-on-one. Still, was this going to be one of those dates where the lead figures out she’s just not into a bro and sends him home?

Most of the activities seemed as friendly as they were romantic, like Rodney feeding Michelle different foods while she was blindfolded — there was a can of whipped cream involved, but it ended up on Rodney’s face rather than being sucked off his big toe, a la Riley and Maurissa on “Bachelor in Paradise.”

They also had to open giant boxes full of balls and balloons while handcuffed together in search of the key and, the most entertaining, Rodney got naked and streaked through the lobby with just a throw cushion covering his man bits, while hosts Tayshia Adams and Kaitlyn Bristowe and the other men watched, hooted and hollered.

Yes, we can attest that Rodney Mathews is as naked below the belt as above.

“It’s pretty bad when everyone sees you out in your birthday suit and it ain’t even your birthday,” said Rodney in perhaps the line of the season.

But another funny thing was that the more we saw of Michelle and Rodney together, the more adorable they were together. By the time they got to cuddling and smooching on Michelle’s bed, Rodney had definitely passed from the friend zone to the relationship zone, as Michelle put it.

They also bonded at dinner over their admiration for their moms: Rodney’s had to work three jobs to support him and his brother after his dad left when he was 6, while Michelle talked about her white mom standing up for her Black dad.

She also shared a story about having the N-word directed at her in a grocery store and her white boyfriend at the time essentially forcing her to justify why she was upset. “I just felt that same way with my ex,” said Rodney.

A tear rolled down Rodney’s cheek when Michelle told him, “I really do not see you as an underdog. I see your heart.”

But then she said she would “apple-lutely love it if you would accept this rose.” Hee.

Michelle got confessional on the second group date, featuring spoken word poet Rudy Francisco.

The one-on-one wasn’t Michelle’s only reference in the episode to the challenges of being Black or mixed race in a white-dominated world.

On the second group date, the men were introduced to spoken word poet Rudy Francisco and asked to write poems that focused on their own stories, which they performed in front of the non-date men.

Chris G from Halifax was so excited he looked like he was going to pass out, clutching Leroy for support and covering his mouth with his hand. “He’s the poet who got me hooked on spoken word,” Chris said excitedly.

None of the men embarrassed themselves, a nice change from the usual group date cringe — although Romeo, uh, “Romeo, Romeo, where’s your Juliet?”

But Jamie, who kept banging on about how there was no competition between him and the other men, ignored the assignment and just told some dumbass story about a girl getting lost in the woods and guided back to the path by her guardian angel. And . . . sorry, just dozed off there for a minute.

Michelle, meanwhile, shared heartfelt verse about being the “token black girl” at school who “got invited to all the big parties as long as I followed the basic white trends . . . I was never the girl invited to cute dates at the apple orchard in the fall. I was the girl picked last for prom but the first for basketball.”

She promised herself, she said at the end, to be a role model for “young brown girls.”

The men gave her a standing ovation, which like, duh.

At the cocktail party, Brandon, who is also mixed race, told Michelle how much her poem resonated with him, recalling that he too was a late romantic bloomer in school, and how he was told he wasn’t Black because of his light skin or that he had to choose a side.

Michelle told Brandon she was attracted to his mind although the attraction was also clearly physical given all the kissing they did. In his voice-over, Brandon said he was falling in love with Michelle.

Michelle also smooched Jamie, who looked over her shoulder at the camera, presumably to make sure his masterful kissing skills were being recorded for posterity. “I’m looking at a person who’s staring me back in the eyes and I can tell that she’s, like, captivated,” boasted Jamie in his confessional.

That kind of makes my stomach feel like Will’s must have felt on that G-force simulator.

Anyway, we’ve already covered the downfall of Jamie.

There was a rose ceremony. I feel the need to point out that this is the third rose ceremony in three episodes, none of the usual “To be continued” nonsense. I mean, I doubt Michelle got to sit in on the editing, but is she schooling the people who put the show together too?

Anyway, she gave roses to Joe, Rick, Leroy, Nayte, Casey, Chris G, Chris S, Clayton, Olu, Romeo and Will. Along with ones already bestowed on Martin, Rodney and Brandon, that leaves 14 men in the hunt for the final rose.

And oh yes, Peter was one of the men shown the door. Later Dough Boy!

But you know, villains are kind of like whack-a-mole. Yes, Michelle cleared out two of them this week but, according to the promo for next week, Chris S is going to step up as agitator in chief and get into a dust-up with Nayte.

You can tune in next Tuesday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Tag: Bachelorette recap (Page 2 of 5)

A villain gets the boot, not once but twice, on ‘The Bachelorette’

2 Bachelorettes, 32 men, 3 kisses, 1 horse: let the games begin

Michelle picks, leaving one man ‘broken’ on ‘The Bachelorette’

Fantasy suites turn bros into foes and The Bachelorette is in love

Tayshia in hot seat along with the men on Bachelorette Men Tell All

An apple falls right out of the tree on ‘The Bachelorette’ hometowns

A Bachelor is born and a final 4 picked on The Bachelorette

Nayte gets one-on-one, Chris S gets bum’s rush on Bachelorette

Michelle shows the men who’s Top Gun on The Bachelorette

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