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Tag: Bachelorette (Page 4 of 4)

It’s boo! and bye-bye for one man on ‘The Bachelorette’

December 2, 2020 /
Zac and Tayshia demonstrate the mood on the latest “Bachelorette” episode, as in up and down.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Welcome to “The Bachelorette,” a.k.a. “The Haunting of La Quinta Resort.”

Not only was there a date that involved ghost-hunting, Tayshia professed to be haunted by memories of her first marriage; various men dredged up haunted bits of their pasts, like drug addiction, an eating disorder and horrible home lives; and then there was the Ghost of Squabbles Past as the Bennett and Noah feud kept rolling along.

By next week, one of them (maybe both?) will be but a spectre as far as Tayshia’s concerned since she promised to send one of them home before the end of the episode. In the meantime, let’s dig into our fourth week AC (after Clare).

First we had a bit of fluff with previous Bachelorette JoJo Fletcher (and yes, I agree, her face really did look different) showing up to supposedly offer Tayshia moral support, but really to fill in as dispenser of date cards for host Chris Harrison while he took his son to college.

Zac got the first one-on-one, which started with a cringey fake wedding photo shoot that had Tayshia remembering the first time she wore a wedding gown, i.e. her failed marriage. But that led to Zac confessing that he’d been married before, too, which was cool with Tayshia.

There was a lot more to Zac’s story, as Tayshia found out at dinner: a brain tumour at 23; a marriage that lasted only a year because of his drinking and drug-taking; a DUI arrest; stealing from his own father; two rehab stints, the second of which was the charm.

Woah! Talk about a change from the usual vapid getting-to-know-you talk.

It turned Zac into a contender, which is fine, but it’s getting kind of crowded in the “men Tayshia could end up with” corner, which also includes, by her own admission, Brendan, Ben, Ivan, possibly Riley.

Mind you, she did thin the herd during the second one-on-one date.

Tayshia and Eazy on a previous episode of “The Bachelorette.”

Tayshia and Eazy went ghost-hunting since La Quinta is supposedly occupied by the spirits of an oil baron who formerly owned the land, and his wife and baby, who both died after childbirth. The hunt involved walking into a couple of rooms that Tayshia said were freezing cold, hearing sounds and seeing things move (a chair in one case, a framed photo in another), then running away screaming. Ghosts? More likely producers with strings.

It was a fun date, in any event, or at least it was until dinner came around. Eazy said he was falling in love with Tayshia and it was clear from the startled look on her face this wasn’t going to end well.

Tayshia did the old “pick up the rose, then say you can’t have it” fake-out, although she did seem genuinely sorry to hurt Eazy’s feelings. “I’m not there where you are and I don’t know if I can get there,” she said.

Eazy was so stunned he asked, “Tayshia, this is real? You sure?” as she walked him to the waiting SUV.

The most substantial part of the episode came during the group date. It started out frivolously enough with Spencer, Ivan, Ed, Blake, Brendan, Riley, Demar, Bennett, Ben and Noah walking into a room where two naked people were posing and immediately fearing they’d have to take their clothes off . . . again.

But it was just a life-drawing session followed by blindfolded sculpting. “Fifty Shades of Clay,” quipped Bennett after he took advantage of the blindfolds to smooch Tayshia when no one else could see. Spencer sculpted a pepperoni pizza; Ben crafted an infinity symbol; Blake made a penis: way to rep Canada, dude!

Bennett made “homes” for himself and Tayshia in New York, the Hamptons and California, omitting the “mountain retreat” and the “chateau in Paris.” I believe that’s what one calls “flaunting your wealth” — although personally I’m surprised he didn’t build a scale model of Harvard.

But the silliness ended with the self-portrait part of the challenge, the goal of which was that whoever “opened up” the most would win extra time with Tayshia.

Blake talked about growing up in a “pretty failed household” and wanting a “true original family that I just never had”; Riley talked about his estrangement from his mother after his parents’ divorce; Ivan shared his fear that his father, who’d already had cancer twice and a heart attack, was going to die; Ben let his guard down by taking all his clothes off, which at first seemed like a gimmick, until later when he told Tayshia he had suffered from an eating disorder for 15 years.

Tayshia was so moved by the stories she went backstage to cry and then announced she couldn’t choose just one person to get extra time, which was the right thing to do.

Tayshia with Noah on a previous “Bachelorette” episode.

Ben got the date rose, deservedly so. But then things went from the sublime to the ridiculous with the sniping between Bennett and Noah.

I haven’t been Noah’s biggest fan, but holy hell, is Bennett ever condescending! “Young Noah” blah blah blah “I’m not on ‘The Babysitter,’ I’m on ‘The Bachelorette’ blah blah blah . . . completely ignoring the fact that the insults make Bennett seem more immature than he’s accusing Noah of being.

Tayshia called them both on the nonsense. They were summoned to an instant two-on-one to take place before the cocktail party before the rose ceremony.

Bennett claimed to wanted to make peace with Noah, so he brought him a present. It consisted of a bandana in homage to conversations they’d had about their fondnesses for ranching and cowboying (nice); a pair of moustache socks because “the only place you should wear a moustache is on your feet” (not so nice); and a book about emotional intelligence because Bennett said Noah was deficient in that (nasty).

Bennett reverted to telling Noah he had zero chance of ending up with Tayshia. Truthfully, both of them have zero chance of ending up with Tayshia; it’s just a question of who finds that out soonest.

It wasn’t looking so good for Bennett when the episode ended with a “To be continued.” He repeated his comment about Noah’s zero chance in front of Tayshia, which she said was “essentially questioning my integrity,” and then she asked, “What’s in the box?”

Next week, besides settling Noah vs. Bennett and presumably having a rose ceremony, there will be tears for Zac and Riley, and jitters for Brendan.

“The Bachelorette” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? You can comment here (no spam please) or come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

The talk gets real, the orgasms are fake on ‘The Bachelorette’

November 25, 2020 /
Harvard grad Bennett “proposes” to Tayshia Adams on “The Bachelorette.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Fake orgasms that would do Meg Ryan proud; not one but two men sneaking around to visit Tayshia (and, um, Chris Harrison); a pillow fight and a game of Twister; and even a serious conversation about Black Lives Matter — there was a lot going on in Tuesday’s episode of “The Bachelorette,” like. A. Lot.

At times it was almost as if other reality shows had insinuated themselves into the proceedings. The group date contestants drinking smoothies with disgusting lists of ingredients like chicken feet and cow intestines made me think a bit of “Survivor.” When Ben and Ed both set off to visit Tayshia in her suite, it was like watching two teams head for the Pit Stop at the end of an “Amazing Race” episode, not knowing which would get there first.

And when Ed got lost and ended up in host Chris Harrison’s suite instead it was the best thing ever.

Whether or not Tayshia Adams is further along in her quest to get hitched, we viewers are further along in our journey to fall in love with the show again after the season’s weird and frustrating start.

We ended the night with a classic bit of franchise drama when Noah claimed the other men were questioning Tayshia’s integrity, which got Tayshia so riled up she gave them a dressing down and cancelled the rest of the cocktail party, which then led to even more shade being thrown at Noah. Good times.

It all started off innocently enough. Eight of the 16 men who were left had to write and perform love songs for Tayshia. None of them could sing — or rap, for that matter.

Bennett worked his Harvard degree into his verses, of course; Blake played, and I use that word loosely, an accordion and a mandolin; Demar whipped up a little ditty he called “Mocha Latte”; but it was Ivan who took it home by inviting Tayshia up on the makeshift stage for his sentimental “rap.”

Ivan and Tayshia at last week’s “grown man challenge.” This week, he got to jump on her actual bed.

Ivan won the prize, a night in Tayshia’s suite, and it was the most pandemic-friendly date we’ve seen all season. Tayshia wore sweatpants; they ordered in room service; they played “the floor is lava” and Twister and went barefoot lawn bowling and had a pillow fight.

Things got serious when Ivan and Tayshia started talking about their families. He revealed, tears running down his cheeks, that his younger brother had spent four years in jail and gone through “some really dark times,” including getting beaten up by prison guards.

“Especially with George Floyd and that’s police brutality, and that’s something that really hit home for me,” Ivan said, referring to the Black man killed by a white police officer in Minneapolis in May, whose death kicked off worldwide Black Lives Matter protests.

Tayshia got so emotional thinking about the subject she couldn’t speak.

“I don’t know why it does so much but it’s like, it hurts a lot,” she said when she regained her voice.

They also talked about what it was like to grow up being mixed race, surrounded by people who didn’t look like them, and how inspirational it was to see so many people come together for the Black Lives Matter movement.

“We’re both biracial, have Black dads and have this beautiful love story developing. This is so big,” Ivan said.

It was no wonder that by the end of the date Tayshia described Ivan as really special. “He understands me more than anybody else can.”

It was a rare, refreshing dose of reality, as opposed to reality TV.

But then a new day dawned and a new group date, and it was back to silliness.

Becca Kufrin and Sydney Lotuaco help Tayshia out with her group date.

Six of the men played “Tayshia’s Truth or Dare” overseen by her friends, former “Bachelorette” Becca Kufrin and former “Bachelor” contestant Sydney Lotuaco.

The first part of it was all dares: chugging the aforementioned gross smoothies; interrupting Harrison at his lunch of crab legs and Veuve Clicquot to get him to sign their butt cheeks; eating habanero peppers and “proposing” to Tayshia, but the best — or worst, depending on your point of view — was faking orgasms over a loudspeaker so the rest of the resort could hear.

Think Meg Ryan from “When Harry Met Sally,” but louder and lewder. “I would direct him to the ER if I heard that,” quipped Becca after Kenny’s turn, which included the well known erotic phrase “Back up, back up.”

“Wow, he’s flexible, he’s bendy,” Becca said after Blake threw his leg up on a dais in the throes of fake passion.

Bennett, whom I’ve regarded as mainly comic relief up to this point, got carried away with the faux proposal. “Today was incredibly real in my mind and in my heart,” he said. “It’s the most exhilarating thing I’ve ever been a part of.”

Tayshia and Zac hang out on a previous date; hot tub not included.

Tayshia seemed to get closer to all six men, including Riley and Demar, on the evening or “truth” part of the date, but none more so than Zac, if by getting closer you mean making out in a hot tub. Zac got the date rose.

And then it was time for Ben and Ed’s Excellent Adventure.

You’ll recall that on last week‘s group date, the one that Noah crashed, Ben didn’t get to talk to Tayshia because he waited too long and ran out of time. Still brooding over that — and with Harrison’s advice that “Tayshia likes bold” to guide him — Ben went on a “secret mission” to Tayshia’s room.

And wouldn’t you know that Ed had the same bright idea, so we saw them both skulking through the resort on their way to Tayshia’s suite. It looked like Ed had beat Ben there; he knocked on the door, it opened . . . and there was Harrison in a sweatsuit saying, “It’s 2:30 in the morning. What are you doing?”

What Ed was doing was drinking red wine with Chris while Ben kissed and made up with Tayshia. Harrison eventually sent Ed on his way with directions. There was a knock on Tayshia’s door mid-smooch with Ben. Was it Ed? Nope, just a guy delivering champagne and strawberries. Ed never did find Tayshia’s suite, but he wasn’t too upset about it, describing his chat with Chris as “a great consolation.”

Noah with Tayshia when he still had what Bennett called “that terrible skidmark above his lip.”

By the time rose ceremony day rolled around, Ed was back to doing what he does best: complaining about other guys. This time it was Noah, whom Ed said was “a joke” and not there for the right reasons, blah, blah, blah. Bennett said Noah was too “juvenile” to end up with Tayshia.

That set the stage for Noah to whine to Tayshia about the heat he was getting from the other men over his fence-jumping, group date-crashing, moustache-shaving behaviour. “It’s been implied you gave me the rose just to shake things up,” Noah said, which was basically like waving a red flag in front of a bull.

To Tayshia, it went from the men taunting Noah because they think he’s a jerk — which seems pretty accurate — to the men questioning her integrity. She marched them all into a room and told them, “If you guys think that I’m just trying to start drama in the house for no reason, simply because I have a connection with some people, y’all need to grow up. If you’re gonna be questioning me, like, I’ll gladly walk you outside.” And that was the end of the cocktail party.

Noah fessed up that he was the reason for Tayshia’s bad mood and guess what? That just annoyed the other guys even more. “You ruined Tayshia’s night for your own glory,” Bennett said. More likely, he had some coaching from a helpful producer.

When rose time came, Ben, Eazy, Riley, Brendan, Bennett, Blake, Demar and Spencer all got roses along with Ed, leaving Kenny, Chasen, Jordan and Joe out in the cold.

Why did Tayshia give Ed a rose over nice, non-drama-causing Joe? No offence to her integrity, but I think I just answered my own question.

Next week, the animosity between Bennett and Noah ramps up, and Tayshia is not impressed.

“The Bachelorette” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? Come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Two men plus one stupid beef equals Bachelorette drama

November 18, 2020 /
Ed, Joe, Eazy, Brendan and Tayshia on a “Bachelorette” wrestling date. ALL PHOTOS: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Among the things we learned on Tuesday’s episode of “The Bachelorette”: numeracy and literacy standards appear to be slipping among the contestants.

At this point, somebody should be demanding contestant Bennett’s Harvard transcripts because, for all the boasting he continues to do about attending that prestigious university, he got both the math questions wrong during a group date challenge — and I’m not talking tough stuff like calculus or differential equations, just basic addition and subtraction. Oh, and he can’t spell “limousine.”

And then we have Chasen and his limited vocabulary: the two words he used over and over again were “smokeshow” (which can also be spelled as two words) and “Wolverine”: as in “Tayshia is a smokeshow” and “I’m bringing out my inner Wolverine.”

A more accurate word for what was going on with Chasen would be “shitshow” as in “This constant bickering between Chasen and Ed is a shitshow.”

If you were worried that this quarantine season of “The Bachelorette” — already turned upside down by Clare Crawley’s brief reign before Tayshia Adams took over — wouldn’t get back to normal, relax. It doesn’t get more normal than a couple of guys arguing about which of them is there for the right reasons and both of them getting roses and both of them going on a group date that involves intense physical competition in the hope there will be violence.

Oh sure, Tayshia is looking for a “grown ass man,” but the series continues to revel in toxic masculinity.

The episode’s first group date was literally called the “grown man challenge” and it was presided over by married “Bachelor in Paradise” couple Ashley Iaconetti and Jared Haibon. (Was there a whole shadow cast of “Bachelor” favourites quarantining at La Quinta? Or did they just give them COVID tests and parachute them in? What’s a swab up the nose when you’ve got reality TV fame to maintain?)

Besides the math and spelling questions, the men had to pair off in tugs-of-war and make Tayshia breakfast in bed. Tayshia was alone in bed until Bennett, wearing a bathrobe (what? no cosmetic mask?), crawled in with her and hand-fed her doughnuts, so he won the “grown ass man award,” despite his atrocious spelling and math, and the fact he bowed out of the tug-of-war because of an “old football knee injury.”

Bennett might not be able to add, but his “bougie” ways won over Tayshia on a group date.

Ed was named the “man child” and had to carry around a baby doll, which he named Carlos.

Initially, it looked like the beefing was going to be between Chasen and Bennett. Chasen said Bennett was “classless” for laying a smooch on Tayshia in front of the other men after he won the challenge. And when Bennett tried to talk to Tayshia first during the group date cocktail party, Chasen cut in. But then Ed started blabbing to Bennett about how he didn’t think Chasen was that into Tayshia; Bennett repeated it to Chasen and we were off to the races.

I won’t bore you with the whole he said, he said. Apparently Chasen used the same adjectives to describe both Clare and Tayshia and, golly, if that’s not evidence of fakeness I don’t know what is.

Chasen’s response, besides insulting Ed’s “chicken legs,” was to threaten to bring out his inner Wolverine (as in the Marvel character with the really big claws) and to get in Ed’s face because didn’t he know that when Tayshia showed up Chasen “pivoted”?

Besides, Chasen came up with a new word for Tayshia after he was challenged by Ed: “smokeshow,” which, as Bennett pointed out, is a noun, not an adjective.

If I was Tayshia I would have sent both Ed and Chasen home — I mean, Chasen’s 31 and says he’s never been in love; I’d be red-flagging the hell out of that — but that is not the “Bachelorette” way, so they got the final two of the 13 roses she handed out at the rose ceremony. (Counting the roses given to Brendan and Spencer last week and the one to Ivan on the group date, that leaves her with 16 men.)

A new day at La Quinta meant a new chance to stoke the antagonism between Chasen and Ed, so they both got sent on a group date (along with Eazy, Brendan, Joe, Jordan, Spencer and Ben) that involved wrestling.

There were a couple of minor boo-boos — a scraped knee for Jordan, a cut foot for Ben — but the main event was going to be Chasen and Ed kicking each other’s asses until . . . Ed bowed out because of chronically dislocated shoulders? Funny he didn’t mention that when everyone was training with WWE hall of famer Amy Dumas and UFC champ Tatiana Suarez.

Noah, and his moustache, answers the call and wrestles with Chasen.

So host Chris Harrison, who was MCing the so-called “Bachelorette Wrestlemania” with “Bachelorette” and “Bachelor in Paradise” alum Wells Adams, asked if anybody else wanted to fight Chasen. And Noah, who was there as a spectator with all the other guys who weren’t on the date, jumped over a fence into the ring and took Chasen on in his jeans. I guess we’re supposed to believe that was all Noah’s idea. I am highly skeptical.

Anyway, Noah lost the match but won an invitation to the cocktail party from Tayshia, which pissed off the eight guys who were officially on the group date. Not just that, Noah scored the first alone time with Tayshia and then he double dipped! And because Tayshia approved of Noah’s fence-jumping, and also because he allowed her to shave off his cheesy moustache (good riddance) and she really, really liked kissing his newly smooth face, Tayshia gave Noah the date rose.

It was especially irksome for Ben, who plotted to be the last one to speak to Tayshia before she gave away the rose but ran out of time.

Noah lost some ugly facial hair, but he gained a a nice big target on his back.

Next week, look for Tayshia to get smoochy with Bennett, Ben, Ivan and Zac, and for tension to brew between Bennett, Noah and — surprise, surprise — Ed. And then Tayshia lays down the law: “If you guys are trying to start drama in the house for no reason I’ll gladly walk you outside.”

I think that’s what you call a grown ass woman.

“The Bachelorette” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? Come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Bachelorette No. 1 gets her man. No. 2? To be continued

November 6, 2020 /
Clare Crawley and Dale Moss had their first one-on-one and their fantasy suite date
all in one on “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

I can’t be mad at Clare Crawley for blowing up “The Bachelorette.”

Let’s be honest, how many more dates between her and men not named Dale did you really want to sit through, especially with everybody stuck in the bubble at La Quinta Resort? I hate to say it, but I miss helicopters and hot tubs in the middle of nowhere.

And yes, I know that new Bachelorette Tayshia Adams still has her own “journey” to go through, but at least she’s starting with 16 men, not 30 or more. She’ll have them whittled down in no time . . . er, well, she won’t be as quick as Clare.

Yes, Clare, the oldest Bachelorette in franchise history, turned out to be the speediest too. In just four episodes she went from Night 1 “I think my husband’s in this room” boilerplate to a proposal from the man of her dreams. Dale Moss, the former pro football player who had her in a tizzy straight out of the limo, put a ring on it in Thursday’s episode and, as far as I know right now, they’re still engaged.

When we all congratulated ABC on installing a more mature woman as the star of the franchise, obviously none of us expected this outcome, but Clare’s maturity had a lot to do with it (and to be clear, I’m not saying that 39 is old). When you get to a certain age, when you’ve had enough crappy experiences in your love life and you meet someone who ticks all the boxes, you’re not playing; you want to get on with it.

So Clare got on with it.

After last week‘s group date in which Clare declined to give anyone a rose, host Chris Harrison showed up at her door for a “we need to talk” chat. “The path we’re on right now, we can’t continue,” he said.

Clare admitted she’d been creeping Dale’s social media after filming first shut down due to COVID-19, although she swore on her father’s grave there had been no contact. But she learned that she and Dale had things in common: the loss of a beloved parent (her dad, his mom), a family member in a care facility (his sister, her mother). “I feel like Dale is my match,” Clare told Harrison.

“You spent your whole life looking for someone that’ll remind you of your dad. Is Dale that man?” Harrison asked.

“I think he is,” Clare said, tearing up. Even Harrison had to wipe his eyes.

“Congratulations, you’ve just blown up ‘The Bachelorette,'” he said.

It was a little more complicated than that, of course. First Clare had to find out whether Dale felt the same way she did. That night, in place of the cocktail party and rose ceremony the other men had been expecting, Dale and Clare had their first one-on-one date.

I won’t repeat the whole conversation — although I thought it was kind of cool that they both shared stories about their fathers having to hitchhike to go see their mothers when they met them — the bottom line was that they admitted to falling in love with each other.

Bri Stauss and Chris Watson from “The Bachelor Presents: Listen to Your Heart”
serenade Clare and Dale on “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

There was much smooching, some slow dancing to live music (Chris and Bri from “Listen to Your Heart,” yay!) and then they retired to Clare’s suite, a.k.a. the fastest fantasy suite in the history of the franchise.

Chris Harrison wasn’t playing either. Once he had confirmed that all was well in Clare and Dale land, Harrison was resolute: there was going to be a proposal and it was going to be that night.

Skeptical? Hell yeah. I think we all felt how Neil Lane’s face looked when Harrison FaceTimed him and said, “I need to get the ring today.”

The other guys weren’t buying it either when Clare fessed up that she had found the love of her life in Dale. “I’m really nervous for her, I think she’ll get hurt in the end,” said Hamilton, Ontario wildlife manager Blake Moynes — who was also annoyed that he bought a book on dementia and Alzheimer’s so he could talk to Clare about her mom and it was all for naught.

But seriously, it did seem crazy to think that Dale was really going to propose. Even Clare seemed doubtful. And as she stood on a terrace in a long white dress waiting for Dale to arrive, Harrison walked over with a concerned look on his face and said, “There’s something I need to tell you.” Oh no.

Cut to Blake and Kenny hanging by the pool, speculating that Dale wasn’t ready to get engaged. Then back to Harrison: “I just want to say, we are so proud of you.”

Meanest fakeout or what?

I’m sure Clare forgave him, because Dale did it: he got down on one knee, he asked Clare to marry him, he put the ring on her finger. I don’t know if it will last, but it’s been a crap year and a particularly shitty week, so hell yeah, I’ll take a happy ending.

“I’ve waited a lot of years for this,” she said — which if you’ll permit me one quibble, makes me wonder what we watched when Quebec’s Benoit Beausejour-Savard get down on one knee during a “Bachelor Winter Games” tell-all special, but never mind. Clare and Dale were happy; the other 16 guys not so happy, particularly after Harrison came to tell them that Clare and Dale had left the resort as an engaged couple.

But wait, there’s more: they could go home and lick their wounds (although with the possible exception of Jason, who really seemed to bond with Clare on their one-on-one, how invested could these guys have been after just a couple of weeks?) or they could put on their suits and prepare to continue their “journey.” And they had just hours to make up their minds.

Despite the grumbling from fellows like Blake and Riley about how into Clare they had been, all 16 guys made their way to the party room, even Jason, to meet “your new Bachelorette.”

Ta da, it’s finally been confirmed: Tayshia Adams is the replacement Bachelorette.
PHOTO CREDIT: Kwaku Alston/ABC

And yes, the franchise’s worst kept non-secret was finally confirmed when Tayshia Adams stepped out of a limo, looking absolutely gorgeous. After Harrison assured her she wasn’t being punked we saw her head toward the men . . . “to be continued.”

So yep, we’ll have to wait till next week to see who Tayshia sparks with and what the hell Harrison means when he says “Everything is about to change.” And oh yeah, Clare and Dale will be back to “tell all.”

“The Bachelorette” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? Come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

On The Bachelorette, Clare only has eyes — and lips — for Dale

October 28, 2020 /
Yosef Aborady with Clare Crawley on Night 1 of “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

I guess in hindsight we should thank Yosef Aborady for being such a jerk. His tirade against Clare Crawley on “The Bachelorette” was about the only part of the episode that wasn’t about Clare’s obssession with Dale Moss.

Look, I hope Clare and Dale live happily ever after, I really do (and if you’ve been reading my recaps for a while, you know I avoid spoilers on purpose, so I have no idea if they’re still together or not), but I get why the guys not named Dale were so annoyed on Tuesday: we surpassed peak Dale and ran head on into Dale fatigue.

In weeks 1 and 2, Clare at least pretended to be interested in the other men; this week not so much.

She basically scuttled the first group date so she could gab to her friend, former Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas, about Dale. Then, the extended cocktail party she promised the disappointed men turned into an extended makeout session with Dale in Clare’s suite. On the one-on-one date, Clare was so disinterested she couldn’t be bothered to show up for dinner and got host Chris Harrison to send the guy home. And on the second group date, she grilled the men about their resentment of Dale then declined to give anyone a rose.

It looks like next week’s episode, airing Thursday instead of Tuesday because of the U.S. election, is when Clare will blow up “The Bachelorette” and that’s a good thing. Dale seems like a decent fellow (although I’m not convinced he’s as into Clare as she is him), but it’s time to change the channel to something besides “The Dale and Clare Show.”

Which reminds me, Yosef: the single dad decided to give Clare a piece of his mind over last week‘s strip dodgeball date. Not only was it “classless” and “distasteful,” it was an “atrocity,” he declared, which seems like a strong word for a bunch of guys showing their “man goodies,” but OK.

“I expected a lot more from the oldest Bachelorette that’s ever been. I can’t believe that occurred,” scolded Yosef. “You’re not setting the right example for my daughter. ” (Huh? You’re gonna let your 4-year-old daughter watch “The Bachelorette”?)

“I’m ashamed to be associated with you. I can’t believe I sacrificed so much to be here just to watch this distasteful and classless display,” blah, blah, blah.

And then Yosef, who should perhaps reflect on the definition of the word “classless,” told Clare she “sounded a little crazy” on the first group date when she chided the men for seeming more interested in hanging out with each other than with her. Oh boy.

Clare tried to interject and Yosef tried to talk over her: “Do not interrupt me … I’m not done yet.”

Oh, but he was.

“Do not ever talk to me like that,” said a furious Clare. “I never thought I would have to tell any man (other than Juan Pablo Galavis) I would never want them being the father of my child and I stand by that. I would never want my children having a father like you. Get out of here.”

Yosef went but not quietly. “I expected more from the oldest Bachelorette in history. Remember you’re almost 40,” he sniped as he walked away.

Perhaps Yosef should remember that he’s the father of a little girl and he just set the example of being completely disrespectful to a woman. I get it, the strip dodgeball was kind of skeevy, but the way he expressed his opinion about it was condescending and misogynistic, so good riddance to Yosef.

The encounter left Clare in tears and it was Dale to the rescue. He hugged and comforted her, told her he was sorry, that she didn’t deserve Yosef’s abuse, that Yosef was lying when he said the other men were trying to appease her. “I’m here to please you, how about that?”

Mission accomplished. “It’s not even the second rose ceremony yet and I’m so falling in love with Dale,” Clare said.

Anyway, Clare told Harrison she was too rattled to salvage the rest of the cocktail party and went straight to the rose ceremony, handing out another 14 (on top of the four we saw her give out last week).

For the remaining men, the botched evening was a sign of things to come.

I have no idea why DeAnna Pappas showed up in Clare’s suite the next day. Weren’t they all in a bubble? Did DeAnna really get multiple COVID-19 tests and quarantine for days just so she could listen to Clare gush about Dale and smell a pair of Dale’s pants? Yes, seriously, Clare and DeAnna both smelled a pair of Dale’s trousers that Clare kept after he ripped them on a group date.

The upshot was that Dale, Chasen, Jason, Jay, Eazy, Ed, Blake and Riley were kept waiting for hours for their date to begin, then Clare breezed in and told them they’d have a “really long cocktail party” that night instead. They didn’t realize the “really long” part referred to the time that Clare and Dale spent making out on her bed after he told the other men he wanted just five minutes with her. Who knows how long they would have stayed in there and what they would have got up to if Eazy hadn’t knocked on Clare’s door.

And then, with Clare being told by the producers she had to hurry her time with the rest of the men, Dale went back for seconds, interrupting Jay. Dale and Clare were up against a wall smooching and getting a little handsy when Chasen walked in.

The other guys were understandably pissed, especially after Dale got the date rose and tried to justify it by saying he was the “best man suited,” whatever that means.

Clare, admitting in her confessional she’d had to restrain herself from having sex with Dale the night before, went off for a one-on-one with Zach J. and, man, was it awkward. The couples pedicure was a bust and it was all downhill from there. After a swim, Clare leaned in for a kiss, but Zach didn’t meet her halfway, so Clare pulled back and then Zach made everything worse by grabbing Clare by the neck, twice, and trying to force a kiss on her. Clare said that made her feel “extremely uncomfortable” — gee, I can’t imagine why — so uncomfortable that she didn’t show up for dinner and it was up to Harrison to tell Zach he was going home.

Clare gets her turn at the Bachelorette Roast alongside Brendan, Joe, Bennett, Zac C, Demar, Ivan, Kenny, Jordan C and Ben. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

And then came the second group date, a roast presided over by comedian Margaret Cho. The guys all claimed to be sick of Dale, who was in the audience, but they made him the main target of their jokes. Did they really think that ridiculing him would change Clare’s mind? If so, I’ll just echo what Clare said: “Are you new here?”

Instead, the roast made Clare feel defensive about Dale and so later, as she chatted with Bennett and Brendan and Ben and Demar and Jordan and Joe and Ivan and Zac and Kenny, she asked each of them to explain why they made fun of Dale. She declined to give any of them a rose, declaring, “I did not get what I needed with you guys.”

That set the stage for next week’s big bang and for Tayshia Adams to take Clare’s spot as Bachelorette. There will be anger, there will be tears, there will be drama with a capital D.

I’m not certain if Citytv is airing it Nov. 5 or not, but it will definitely be on ABC at 8 p.m.

Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? Come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

On a quarantine ‘Bachelorette’ Clare Crawley’s already smitten

October 14, 2020 /
Clare Crawley waits to meet the men on Night 1 of “The Bachelorette.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Welcome to the Bachelorette Bubble where you’ll get a swab up your nose and, if you’re lucky, a rose on your lapel.

Or is that unlucky — considering that any man not named Dale Moss appears to have zero chance with the oldest Bachelorette in franchise history (and yes, apparently we have to be reminded of that over and over and over again).

One thing that producers couldn’t keep quarantined at La Quinta Resort in California were all the stories about Clare Crawley walking out partway through the season to get with Dale, with “Bachelor” and “Bachelor in Paradise” fave Tayshia Adams replacing her as Bachelorette.

No, ABC hasn’t admitted that’s what’s going to happen — and if you thought they would on Night 1, what are you, new? — but it certainly was strongly hinted at in the promos.

And don’t forget Clare’s reaction after she first met Dale, a 31-year-old former pro football player. Seeming shaken, puffing out her breath after Dale left her to go inside, she said, “I definitely  feel like I just met my husband” — a pronouncement startling enough to bring host Chris Harrison over from wherever he hangs out as the limos empty of men to tell Clare that no one had ever said that at this stage before. But hey, here comes another limo, so snap out of it.

Clare Crawley with Dale Moss on Night 1 of “The Bachelorette,” the man she pegged
as her future husband. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Clare did her duty, chatting with as many of the men as she could manage before handing out 23 roses.

An early theme of the proceedings seemed to be congratulating Clare for being 39 years old — gasp — and still trying to bag herself a man instead of, you know, admitting her old maidenhood and retreating to a solitary life with her two dogs.

In the video call in which Harrison told Clare she’d been chosen as the Bachelorette he said that since she hadn’t given up on herself, “we feel it would be appropriate if we didn’t give up on you.”

Um, you don’t say.

We were reminded of Clare’s Bachelor history, including being runner-up on Juan Pablo Galavis’ season (ick) and a couple of unsuccessful forays on “Bachelor in Paradise.” Curiously, “Bachelor Winter Games,” after which she actually ended up engaged, however briefly, to Canadian food dude Benoit Beausejour-Savard, got left out entirely. Is that because Clare doesn’t consider Benoit one of the “jerks” from her past?

In a conversation in which Harrison dutifully pushed Clare’s buttons, getting her teary-eyed talking about her late father, Clare declared, “I’m here and I haven’t given up on love and I never will. Just by showing up it shows I still want it and I still deserve it,” as if that was actually a question.

It was time to bring on the 31 men. Instead of the usual “getting to know you” packages filmed in some of the standouts’ hometowns, we got footage of them in quarantine at La Quinta, some of it self-taped. Think solo chess games, jumping on the bed, bubble baths and masks, both the coronavirus and cosmetic kind (well, OK, only one guy applied a cosmetic mask). And I don’t know about you, but seeing those big guys’ eyes water after their COVID-19 tests (they had to take more than one to be cleared to meet Clare) made me hope I never have to take one myself.

I won’t bore you with all the men’s names because, let’s be honest, you’ll have forgotten most of them by the time the season ends.

Besides Dale, one of the interesting ones was Blake Moynes, a 29-year-old wildlife manager from Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. He broke the show’s rules (which is funny because rules get broken all the time if it adds to the drama) by contacting Clare during the quarantine. “It meant everything to me,” said Clare, tearing up, adding that she was struggling because her mother, who’s in a care home with Alzheimer’s, had just fallen and broken her nose.

Clare with Canadian competitor Blake Moynes. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Blake was rewarded with the first kiss (or at least, that’s how it was edited) but then watched in disappointment as Clare spirited away Dale to give him the first impression rose — and an even smoochier kiss.

Speaking of drama, West Virginia lawyer Tyler C. ratted out medical device salesman Yosef Aborady for allegedly creeping on some woman that Tyler knew on Instagram, but Clare believed Yosef when he said there was no substance to the accusation and sent Tyler home.

Clare mediates between Tyler C. and Yosef. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Sounds like Clare might regret that since the word online is that Yosef said some nasty things to her that got him kicked out ahead of a future rose ceremony. We’ll see. To me, the single dad reeked of smarminess and cockiness, which you’d think somebody with all Clare’s experience would suss out right away.

Another potential villain was Bennett, who went to Harvard and said that when you tell people that, it’s described as dropping the “H-bomb.” No, really, he said that. He showed up to meet Clare in a Rolls-Royce and a tux with a white scarf draped around his neck.

Another guy wore a straitjacket, because he’d gone “a little crazy” waiting to meet Clare. There was a knight — in shining armour, get it? Someone wore a fake pregnancy belly in homage to Clare’s “Bachelor” entrance. Someone else wore a T-shirt with a photo of Clare’s dogs, which was good enough to earn a rose without any one-on-one time. There was a dude in a parachute because he’d “fallen” for her and another in a plastic bubble.

I’ll tell you what the men didn’t wear a lot of was ties and socks, lots of fellows baring their ankles. The best dressed had to be sports marketing agent Eazy in his salmon suit, although I couldn’t help but notice when he made his entrance by bursting through a poster that read “Your Future Husband” he seemed to smile at the camera before he smiled at Clare.

Anyway, hold those thoughts. It sounds like in just a few short weeks, the drama is going to be all about Clare blowing up “The Bachelorette,” as Harrison put it. Stay tuned.

“The Bachelorette” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? Come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

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