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Tag: Joe and Serena

Bachelor in Paradise ends with proposals, despite visit from ex

October 6, 2021 /
The cast of “Bachelor in Paradise” with guest host Wells Adams before the couples started
dropping like flies. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

We mostly got the ending we deserved on “Bachelor in Paradise.”

The pandemic-delayed seventh season finished with the two best couples on the beach engaged — along with a third that, let’s admit it, we were all skeptical about — but not before an idiotic bit of production trickery that was a truly lame attempt to inject drama into the overlong finale.

Kendall Long had absolutely no business being on the beach the day her ex, Joe Amabile, got engaged to Serena Pitt. But there she was, walking down the stairs and onto the platform where Joe was waiting for Serena, delivering a gratuitous speech about how she’d come to Paradise to fully let go of Joe, blah, blah, blah, and now she was “really excited” for him and Serena.

“I felt I couldn’t leave this beach without fully expressing that to you,” Kendall said.

Kendall Long has one final, ridiculous talk with Joe Amabile.

Well, she could have and, in fact, had left the beach already. Whether her return was her idea or the producers’ — I’m going with the latter — it was tawdry and ridiculous.

To add insult to injury, after Kendall left, Joe grimaced and walked away from the platform while the newly engaged Kenny and Mari, watching from above, speculated that Kendall’s visit had put Joe off proposing. I’d like to think Joe walked away to collect himself because he was pissed at the producers, but I’m guessing it was all part of the script, the one that was supposed to make us think that Joe and Serena might not end up together.

Here’s the thing: while the drama is certainly part of the Paradise experience, at the end of it all we want love and a promise of marriage. And we got to see some beautiful, touching, tear-inducing moments between Joe and Serena, Kenny and Mari, and Riley and Maurissa as they all confirmed their love for each other, respectively, on their fantasy suite dates.

And then we watched Kenny and Mari, and Riley and Maurissa get engaged. Joe and Serena seemed so head over heels there could be no doubt that they were about to do the same thing, which is why trying to make it look like Joe’s ex was going to come between them was insulting, cynical and pointless.

After eight weeks of villains and triangles and quadrangles and jerks who were only there to jack their social media followings, we deserved to bask in the reflected glow of the couples who made it to the end without a last ditch bit of production nonsense.

Kenny Braasch, Mari Pepin-Solis, Serena Pitt, Joe Amabile, Maurissa Gunn and Riley Christian
celebrate their engagements on the “Bachelor in Paradise” finale

And the episode did not need to be three hours long, especially since it didn’t include an “After the Final Rose” segment. We had to settle for captions on a video recap of the season that told us the three engaged pairs were still together.

And what of the others who coupled up during the season?

We already knew that Noah Erb and Abigail Heringer were breaking up after last week’s episode. The start of this week’s belaboured the point by showing more of Noah’s and Abigail’s teary parting, with each declaring they weren’t each other’s “person.” Except, we found out later that they’ve started seeing each other again and are taking things “slowly.”

At the next night’s rose ceremony, Thomas and Becca, James and Anna, Aaron and Tia, and Ed and Mykenna agreed to stick together (leaving Chelsea and Natasha to go home alone). Since the latter three pairs had been hanging out for mere days, if not hours, it can’t have come as a shock that they all broke up after Dean Unglert and Caelynn Miller-Keyes — yep, they’re what now passes for a Paradise success story — told them the next day that, essentially, they had to shit or get off the pot with fantasy suites happening that night.

Ed seemed to really want that fantasy suite. Mykenna told him three times that she just wasn’t that into him before he finally stopped trying to MacGyver a relationship between them.

Anna went more quickly after James told her her couldn’t see them falling in love. But James didn’t leave alone. He took his bromantic partner Aaron with him — after Aaron perpetrated what might be the speediest breakup in Paradise history.

“I know we’ve hung out the last couple of days,” he told Tia. “It’s been great and I actually care about you, but James is waiting right now. We’re about to bounce.”

Aaron Clancy and James Bonsall, who should have been voted most likely to live happily ever after.

And bounce they did, happily riding off in the same van.

“I love you, bro,” said James.

“Dude, that’s facts. How do I feel about you, bro?” replied Aaron.

“You’re my world, bro,” whispered James.

Apparently, they’re now roommates and BFFs, so whoever says you can’t find love on a “Bachelor” show is misinformed.

And then there were Thomas and Becca. Thomas was gung ho to take their relationship outside Paradise, telling Becca, “When I Iook at you, everything inside me screams I’m falling in love with you.” But Becca said their connection seemed too good to be true and she couldn’t leave with someone she didn’t fully know.

Thomas Jacobs and Becca Kufrin made it past the last rose ceremony but not the fantasy suites.

I know lots of people have accused Thomas of being fake, but he cried what looked to me like real tears after Becca dumped him, begging her in seeming anguish to “Let me go!” when she ran after him for a final hug. According to the end-of-episode montage, Becca later had a change of heart and they’re now dating and in love.

There was nothing left then but for the final three couples to have their fantasy suite dates and lay the groundwork for the next day’s proposals with the requisite voice-overs about potential cold feet.

The highlights include:

Serena telling Joe she was in love with him and Joe mock-protesting “I was gonna say that later. You’re saying that now?” Serena crying happy tears in her confessional explaining how she felt about Joe. And Joe tearing up when he told Serena that the night they said they were falling in love with each other meant more to him “than anything that’s ever happened to me.”

Oh, and Joe telling Serena he was into her smile, her charm, her looks and her “Toronto accent.”

Riley telling Maurissa about a fantasy he’d had since he was 21 of waking up on a Sunday morning with his wife and daughter, then telling Maurissa, “When I see you, I see Sunday morning.” And during the proposal, Riley and Maurissa confessing they’d fallen in love with each other on their first date.

And even with Kenny and Mari there were sweet moments, notwithstanding that at one point this season Kenny was having sex with Demi and dating Tia at the same time. As he said to Mari during his proposal, “We were tested like no other couple in Paradise.” And his hand shook endearingly as he put the Neil Lane ring on Mari’s finger.

When all was said and done, it was a lovely end to the season. If my favourite couple, Joe and Serena, rewatch it, I’d just fast-forward through the bit with Kendall.

There was one other update that seemed to cheer fans on Twitter.

Wannabe influencers Brendan Morais and Pieper James, we were told, “are laying low,” while the woman Brendan strung along, Natasha Parker, “has over 460,000 followers on Instagram.”

As for me, I’ll be back recapping “Bachelor in Paradise Canada” starting next week — it airs Oct. 10 at 8 p.m. on Citytv — and the new season of “The Bachelorette” the week after that.

You can visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

One couple finds heartbreak at the Bachelor in Paradise prom

September 29, 2021 /
The remaining cast of “Bachelor in Paradise” cut loose at a 1980s-style prom.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

“Bachelor in Paradise” got nostalgic on Tuesday, sending the remaining cast members to a 1980s-themed prom. And if you think about it, some of the plot developments in the penultimate episode of the season would have been at home in an ’80s movie.

A villain got caught in a lie and got his comeuppance; a new girl got shunned but then got a date after all; a popular couple got named prom king and queen. But if it was a real ’80s movie, Noah and Abigail would have settled their differences and we would have left them kissing while a synthesizer-heavy song played over the end credits.

Instead, the Day 1 couple appeared to have broken up, one of the more surprising twists in an episode filled with them — they even got voted couple most likely to live happily ever after at the prom, for crying out loud.

But Noah told Abigail he didn’t think she was his person and we left her crying in a bathroom. We’ll get back to them later.

First things first, we had the unfinished business from last week of Ivan and Aaron feuding over Chelsea. To refresh your memory, Aaron was coupled up with Chelsea, but then she and Ivan started flirting and kissing right in front of Aaron. So Aaron got in Ivan’s face to the point we were supposed to believe it might get physical (it didn’t).

To Aaron, it was a clear case of Ivan making a desperate, last ditch attempt to get a rose, but the rest of the beach seemed to side with Ivan, especially after he claimed Chelsea was the one who asked him to talk. Except it was a lie.

Ivan got caught in the lie, both by Chelsea denying it and, for those of us watching at home, by footage of him asking Chelsea to chat. And that’s not all.

Turns out Ivan only wanted Chelsea’s rose so he could hang around and wait for Alexa from Peter Weber’s season to arrive (no, I don’t remember her either).

I assume a lot of people thought Ivan and Chelsea had already hooked up after last week’s teaser that something had happened in the hotel where the cast waited out the tropical storm. Instead, Ivan spent several hours with Alexa, who was at the hotel waiting to join the cast, after seeing her room number on a producer’s phone screen.

Clearly Ivan was set up. In what universe does a producer just happen to leave their phone in a cast member’s room with classified information right there on the screen? I don’t think any of the contestants so much as fart without the producers knowing about it.

Ivan Hall comes clean to other cast members with Wells Adams looking on.

But Ivan — coincidentally, the second man from the Clayshia “Bachelorette” season to go from fan favourite to villain after Brendan Morais — had dug his own hole by lying and verbally attacking Aaron so his only choice was to send himself home. First he got a talking to from Riley, though, who had staunchly defended Ivan against Aaron. “We’re supposed to be better than that, man. We’re better men,” Riley told him. Well, maybe you are.

With Ivan gone, eight women handed out roses with utterly predictable results. If you hadn’t figured out that Natasha was going to choose Ed over Brendan defender Dr. Joe, and that Tia was picking James over Blake — her dancing vagina notwithstanding — you weren’t paying attention.

Dr. Joe and Blake departed, along with Demar.

But with the balance of power shifting back to the men, new women were bound to arrive — although it always seems a bit sadistic to bring new cast members in just before the end when everybody’s already coupled up.

And, indeed, Anna Redman, one of the villains from Matt James’ “Bachelor” season who arrived with date card in hand, was shut down by Kenny and Thomas, who were sticking with Mari and Becca. But she lucked out with James Bonsall and can you blame him? Tia had given him a rose but only after her dalliance with Blake, so they weren’t exactly a sure thing.

Anna and James on their date when they weren’t being turned into human pastries.

As it turned out, Anna and James bonded after yet another weird date — I mean, who put the person with the food fetish in charge of all the dates this season?

First, they turned themselves into human churros, i.e. Mexican doughnuts, by rolling in sugar and drizzling chocolate on each other. Then, after rinsing off, they got his and hers massages with really big snakes on each of their backs. Like, WTAF?

It was nothing a few flutes of champagne and a makeout session in a hot tub couldn’t make better.

Then it was Mykenna Dorn’s turn to taste rejection. The Canadian fashion blogger from Peter’s season, whom we saw at the Paradise VIP party a few episodes ago, also zeroed in on men who were already taken, including Thomas and Riley. But it seemed like she might have a shot with Aaron, who wasn’t exactly acting like he was committed to Chelsea — except Aaron turned down Mykenna’s invitation.

Mykenna cried — and cried and cried — while the other cast members stood around and watched her from a distance. And then they all gawked some more when Ed rode (well, walked really) to the rescue and asked Mykenna to take him on the date. Mykenna very nearly rejected him but finally relented after Ed assured her they’d have fun even if they hated each other.

Mykenna’s tears had dried after she and Ed had their disco date.

By the time they rollerbladed their way to dinner in a disco ball-festooned room, Mykenna had developed a new appreciation for Ed’s “dreamy eyes” and also his lips.

But the downside to Ed’s chivalry was that Natasha found herself odd woman out — again. First Brendan strung her along waiting for Pieper to arrive, then Dr. Joe froze her out in loyalty to Brendan and now Ed appeared to be dumping her for Mykenna. Is it any wonder she stayed in bed “sick” while everybody else put on gaudy clothes and went off to the prom?

But before that happened, there was some trouble in Paradise, pun intended, for two of the established couples.

Kenny told Mari after the rose ceremony he had doubts about their long-term prospects, not to mention their passion — sour cream sucking be damned — because he felt she wasn’t as sure about him as he was about her.

The solution turned out to be a visit to the beach from a bruja, or witch, who had Mari and Kenny waft smoke on each other, stare deeply into a mirror and rub candles on each other’s bodies and — presto chango! — they were back to smooching happily on a beach bed.

And then there were Noah and Abigail. Abigail had confessed to Wells, doing double host and bartending duty, that she wasn’t as secure with Noah as everybody thought because she wasn’t sure how he felt about her. But when Noah told Abigail he was falling in love with her, she didn’t say it back.

But never mind the foreboding for a minute because prom!

I have to say that the “promposals” between Serena and Joe, and Becca and Thomas, and Maurissa and Riley, and Mari and Kenny were terribly sweet — yes, even Kenny holding a sign in front of his unmentionables.

There were racks of clothes and accessories for everyone to choose from — although according to Aaron, who said he’d never “been to the ’80s,” “based on the wardrobe selects I’m inclined to think everyone was a professional clown.”

Nonetheless, the cast took their ruffled and bowed and brightly coloured selves to a ballroom where a band was playing “Super Freak” and Wells was spiking the punch. There was even a guy sneaking out on the girl he’d come with to make out with another girl.

That would be Aaron, who grabbed Tia — the only woman there without a date — took her outside, put a corsage on her wrist and a serious smooching on her lips, all without bothering to say anything to Chelsea. As she eloquently put it, “As far as I’m concerned, he can kick rocks barefoot.”

Wells names Joe Amabile and Serena Pitt king and queen of the prom.

Wells gave out awards — Biggest Flirt to Kenny, Best Kisser of Toes to Maurissa — and named Joe and Serena prom king and queen. Besides the fact they are adorable together, they were the only couple Tuesday who acknowledged having had serious conversations about their post-Paradise future.

Maybe they should have been named couple most like to live happily ever after instead of Noah and Abigail.

Abigail said she was ready to tell Noah she was falling in love with him too, but before she got the chance Noah told her that despite his strong feelings for her, he wasn’t sure she was the perfect woman for him. He had a gut feeling, he said, that he’d been trying to ignore but that he was afraid wasn’t going to go away.

Noah and Abigail at the prom before Noah dropped his truth bomb.

Abigail said she felt blindsided and lied to, and escaped to the ladies room for a cry.

And that’s where we left things until next week’s season finale — which is another three hours, so brace yourselves.

The worst part is that the promo showed Joe’s ex Kendall coming back and I’m guessing she won’t be there to help Joe pick out an engagement ring for Serena, if he’s planning to go that route.

I mean what part of “Joe’s done with Kendall” do she and the producers not understand? Get lost Kendall. Go home and stuff some dead mice.

Whatever happens, you can watch it Tuesday at 8 p.m. on  Citytv.com. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

A ‘Brendan cloud’ hangs over Natasha on Bachelor in Paradise

September 15, 2021 /
Natasha Parker was the main focus of Tuesday’s “Bachelor in Paradise.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

If it wasn’t for the fact I’m pretty sure that Warner Bros. can’t control the weather, I’d suspect that “Bachelor in Paradise” producers cooked up that tropical storm we saw in next week’s promo just to mess with the cast members.

I mean think about what we saw on Tuesday’s episode.

Lovely Natasha Parker appeared to be on the chopping block after she’d been done dirty by clout chaser Brendan Morais and his girlfriend Pieper James (more on them later). But then, at the rose ceremony (just the third one in seven episodes, by the way), Wells Adams had “Bachelor” bouncer and stage manager Big Paulie bring out a special rose for Natasha.

Sweet, right?

Not so fast. Two new men arrived on the beach the next day. The first was someone Tia had her eye on, even though she was kind of coupled up with James. The second seemed like an answer to Natasha’s prayers except for one small detail: he’s one of Brendan’s best friends.

So if you think that pity rose was about Natasha getting a genuine second shot at love, think again. It’s a reminder that the real puppet masters weren’t Brendan and Pieper; they’re the people on the other side of the camera.

Speaking of Brendan and Pieper, they got a comeuppance of sorts on Tuesday — once Natasha and Demi and Jessenia reminded everyone that they’d done the same thing that Chris and Alana were accused of before they were run out of Paradise, i.e. already being in a relationship before they came on the show.

Natasha, Maurissa, Joe, Demi, Deandra and Jessenia have it out with Brendan and Pieper.

So “Grocery Store” Joe, who appears to be the sheriff of the beach, took a posse of women and confronted the guilty parties.

Brendan was still doing his “I wasn’t exclusive with Pieper” song and dance, although she was unequivocal that she came to Paradise for Brendan.

Brendan got snippy and walked away from the conversation, complaining about “Joe and his mob of disgruntled females” and “their pathetic attempt to intimidate me,” but it seems to have worked since he and Pieper decided to leave, together.

As Pieper put it, “Obviously I’m excited for the future possibility of making more money, but I would have got there on my own. Like, I have an entire master’s degree in marketing; I can figure out how to get a few more followers.”

And this from Brendan: “I didn’t intentionally want to mislead anyone. I just withheld information.”

Sounds like they’re perfect for each other.

With Brendan and Pieper gone, it was time to get back to the business of worrying who wouldn’t get roses that night, with eight men handing them out and 13 women looking to receive.

But hold that thought because first we had an edible interlude with Maurissa and Riley. In full view of the other contestants, they licked whipped cream off each other’s bodies, including Riley’s big toe.

Maurissa and Riley engage in some foot foreplay.

Wells called that “the grossest thing I’ve ever heard of,” since Riley had likely been walking on sand mixed with dead crab bodies. But he also said, “If you can suck on a toe you can get engaged at the end of this thing.”

The gauntlet has been thrown, people!

Riley and Maurissa even had time for a visit to the boom boom room, which makes you wonder just how long it takes for the rose ceremony to actually begin.

Enough time for Tammy to experience further humiliation, for one thing.

Tammy was hoping she and Thomas could pretend his date with Becca never happened, seeing as how she considered Thomas her “best friend” and someone who would be a great fit for her life.

But Thomas made it clear he had romantic feelings for Becca.

Tammy tries to put the eggs back in the basket with Thomas, on her birthday no less.

Tammy put up a fight, by which I mean she kept telling Thomas she wanted him in her life and questioning why he didn’t want her in his, but it was for naught.

Thomas gave her the “you did nothing wrong” speech, but she walked away crying, berating herself for having dumped Aaron for Thomas after people warned her not to trust him.

And did I mention it was Tammy’s birthday? “Last year I got COVID on my birthday and this is 10 times worse,” she lamented.

Hyperbolic though that comment may be, she at least devoured a chocolate cupcake in the SUV of Shame. I bet it tasted better than regrets.

Joining Tammy on the outs were Demi, Jessenia and Deandra.

The couples were Riley and Maurissa, Joe and Serena, Ivan and Kendall? — since when? — Noah and Abigail, Kenny and Mari, James and Tia, Thomas and Becca, and Aaron and Chelsea.

Then new guest host Lil Jon appeared, high-fiving everybody and spraying them with champagne.

So next day, fresh start for Natasha, right?

First some dude named Blake Monar showed up, whom nobody remembers from Clare Crawley’s “Bachelorette” season — well, except for Tia, who said “Blake is the one person I wanted to see here.” That’s apparently because of the tattoos all over his arms. Did we even see those tattoos in his brief three episodes on “Bachelorette”?

Tia Booth with newcomer Blake Monar. Not sure if her vagina had started dancing yet.

Blake was also into Tia, whether because he really does like southern women or because the producers told him to take her out, I don’t know, but they went on an off-roading date. And then they smooched in an outdoor shower and Tia said it made her “vagina dance.”

Wonder how the Bible study group will feel about that.

You want to know who wasn’t dancing? James and Natasha back at the beach, seeing as they were surrounded by people making out and reminding them they were alone. Kenny and Mari even went to the boom boom room, probably the same one he went to with Demi, but never mind.

And then a reprieve, for Natasha at least: Dr. Joe Park, the nice New York City anesthesiologist from Clare’s and Tayshia’s season, arrived. Everybody on the beach thought he was perfect for Natasha. We were supposed to think he was perfect for Natasha. They were vibing.

Natasha and Dr. Joe, back when we foolishly thought they might end up together.

When they went on their date and a bug landed in her big-ass margarita, he traded drinks with her. But then they started talking about why she was still single in Paradise and when Natasha told him it was because of Brendan, Dr. Joe responded, “Brendan? My Brendan?” And you knew they were toast.

Joe started talking vaguely about “what will be will be” and they ended the date, kissless.

“I just feel like there’s a Brendan cloud over me,” Natasha said.

We had just one more piece of business to attend to.

The other Joe, “Grocery Store” Joe, took Serena on a DIY date that involved a blanket, pillows and rose petals. And while they were being adorable together, Serena told Joe she was falling in love with him. “I think I’m falling in love with you too,” Joe responded.

After that they did an awful lot of smooching. No whipped cream, though, which is probably just as well since they were in his ex Kendall’s line of vision.

“I’m pretty heartbroken to see Joe kissing someone else,” Kendall said, claiming she’d come to Paradise to make new memories with other people, which sounds pretty sketchy to me. She blew off Ivan when he tried to kiss her.

We know that Kendall will share her angst with Joe next week; that the L-word will be flying between Kenny and Mari, and Maurissa and Riley. We also know that Ed and Demar from Clare’s and Tayshia’s season turn up, with the former making out with Natasha and the latter taking Maurissa on a date. We know that Ivan will piss off Aaron by kissing Chelsea. We know a “dangerous tropical storm” will mean evacuating the resort.

But the “end of Paradise”? Not on your life.

You can watch at 8 p.m. Tuesday on ABC or online at Citytv.com. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Pieper shows up for ‘boyfriend’ Brendan on Bachelor in Paradise

September 7, 2021 /
Brendan Morais became Bachelor Nation enemy No. 1 on Monday over his treatment of Natasha Parker. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

Brendan Morais isn’t the first man on “Bachelor in Paradise” to partner up with someone he’s not that into just to stick around until the person he really wants gets to the beach.

Where Brendan crossed the line from playa to stone cold villain in Monday’s episode was in his arrogant and disrespectful attitude to Natasha Parker, the woman he strung along for several weeks while he waited for Pieper James to show up.

Bad enough Brendan lied to Natasha’s face about the extent of his pre-show relationship with Pieper, but to tell a producer that Natasha had “zero prospects” on the beach outside of him? That is asshattery of a high degree.

Brendan repeated the insult in a face-to-face conversation with Natasha, telling her, “If you had any desire to talk to other guys or other guys had any desire to talk to you, it would have happened.”

Oh, and also that he and Natasha had never had a romantic relationship, and that he’d told her that but she had “selective hearing.”

Of course, in the footage that we saw just before Pieper made her entrance, Brendan told Natasha that he wasn’t a “manipulative person.” (Feel free to laugh here.) Also, “the times that we have spent together when we’re both feeling good . . . and being silly and doing our thing on the beach, and being goofy and all that stuff, that’s the reason I want to be with you.”

Which doesn’t exactly sound like someone being friend zoned.

Pieper hadn’t got the “pretend we’re not already together” memo so she read out her date card and invited Brendan without even a pretence of talking to any other men.

Brendan and Pieper as their evil plan starts to come to fruition.

Just how connected were Brendan and Pieper before Paradise?

Pieper got a little pissed with Brendan when he mentioned at dinner that he’d told other people they hadn’t been exclusively dating. But he explained, “If you have a full girlfriend going into Paradise it’s just not a good look . . . Obviously I was navigating this in a way to allow myself to potentially, hopefully be here while you’re here.”

She thanked him for “playing the game.”

“It makes me sad thinking you felt I was downplaying the connection that we had . . . You know how i feel about you, you know what we’ve talked about,” Brendan added.

We all kind of know now.

Pieper helpfully explained in her voice-over that Brendan was her boyfriend and that their plan all along had been to continue their relationship in Paradise — presumably with visions of sponcon dancing in their heads.

By the next day, when Brendan and Pieper were mooning over each other all over the beach, everybody had figured that out. And the consensus seemed to be they should leave Paradise.

When they weren’t throwing shade at Natasha — Brendan: “I was just getting so annoyed by her. I’m surprised she’s still here” — they were giggling about their Instagram followers, the tabloid attention they expected to get and how Brendan had “incriminated” himself.

The really funny part was that the pair apparently lost thousands of Instagram followers while the show was airing.

All the Brendan-Pieper drama sucked attention from the other two triangles on the beach.

Joe Amabile and ex-fiancee Kendall Long reunite on the beach.

You’ll recall that last Tuesday‘s episode ended with Kendall arriving and making a beeline for her former fiancé Joe.

Her appearance turned out to be more of a production trick than a genuine attempt to reconcile. She told Joe she still wanted him in her life but also doubled down on her refusal to move to Chicago to be with him. And I’m assuming he doesn’t want to move to L.A. and that the long distance thing didn’t work out so, um, I guess there’s really nothing to talk about then?

Although Joe claimed to be confused, he seemed pretty decisive about continuing his relationship with Serena, telling her he was over Kendall but if anything changed he would be 100 per cent honest with her about it.

The other drama involved Demi, who kind of lost her shit when Kenny came back from his nude volleyball date with Tia and immediately walked off with Mari, who told Kenny she still had feelings for him and she’d pushed him away because she got scared over feeling so strongly about him.

Kenny didn’t leap back into Mari’s arms right away, but he turned down Demi’s invitation to go to the boom boom room, and it looked like he and Mari were snuggling the next day, so I guess Demi will have to find another man to steal.

“I think Mari sucks, I think she’s mean, I think she’s a brat, I think she’s entitled and I don’t like her,” Demi fumed.

Hello pot, may I introduce you to kettle?

The only other development worth noting is that Noah and Abigail got back together, confessing that they still cared about each other and vowing to communicate better.

At this point, I would hate to declare any couple a sure thing, but there’s no denying that Noah and Abigail seem better together than apart.

That’s it until Tuesday night’s dose of drama, which promises more hostility from the rest of the cast toward Brendan and Pieper; four new arrivals, including model Chelsea from Matt’s season; Becca making out with Thomas, and tears for Tammy and Jessenia.

You can watch at 8 p.m. on ABC or online later at Citytv.com. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

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