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Tag: Katie

One man’s ‘Bachelor audition’ gets cut short on Bachelorette

June 29, 2021 /
Katie Thurston lays some truth on Thomas Jacobs at the rose ceremony.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC

Remember this night, Bachelorette fans.

There will undoubtedly be frustrating moments in the weeks ahead. Next week alone, everybody will get mad at Blake Moynes and it seems like Hunter is going to try to kill somebody. But we will always be able to look back on the night that Katie Thurston told Thomas to take his fake ass home and it will be like balm to our troubled souls.

“Your Bachelor audition ends tonight, so get out.”

I want those words on a T-shirt.

The Bachelorette producers, cruel puppet masters that they are, had just pulled off a great fakeout.

We’d spent huge chunks of the episode listening to people talk about Thomas not being there for the right reasons. Even at the cocktail party, even though it was after freakin’ midnight, people wouldn’t stop talking about Thomas. I’m with Katie: it was exhausting.

But it seemed like she had finally decided Thomas wasn’t worth keeping around, or so she told co-hosts Tayshia Adams and Kaitlyn Bristowe. There was one rose left. Katie picked it up, sighed . . . and called Thomas’s name. And the show cut to a commercial with everyone at home feeling like Justin’s face looked.

Justin Glaze’s face, not exactly as shown the moment Thomas’s name was called but close enough.

Yeah, I was pissed. I thought Katie had caved to production demands just to buy another week of the “everybody in the house hates Thomas” drama.

But when Thomas walked up to Katie to get his rose, she took a step backward. “You told me things I wanted to hear, but what I learned about you tonight is you’re selfish,  unkind and a liar,” she said before circumventing his “Bachelor audition.”

So Katie is back in my Bachelorette Hall of Fame.

Going into Monday’s episode I was on the fence about whether Thomas was as manipulative as the other guys said. Sure, he admitted that when he came on the show he was interested in becoming the next Bachelor, but I find it hard to believe that thought didn’t cross other men’s minds.

What convinced me he was faking his feelings for Katie was when he interrupted her just as she was about to start handing out roses to apologize to her for “any moment I wasn’t here for the right reasons” and to the other men “for any moments of disrespect.” It reeked of desperation and self-interest. If the guy really believed he and Katie had a solid relationship he would have kept his mouth shut and let the chips fall.

So yes, Katie seems to have a knack for quickly jettisoning the jerks, like she did with Karl. Now what?

Well, Blake Moynes is what. As promised last week, he’s back. (Didn’t you love all the nonsense about keeping his identity hidden until the moment Katie walked up to him? Um, hello, he was in the promo last week?)

Sorry folks, ABC didn’t have current photos of Blake available so here he is with Clare Crawley.

Given my soft spot for Canadian contestants, I’d like to give Blake the benefit of the doubt and think he’s not just a reality TV fame whore or someone who has a Bachelorette fetish, but it’s hard — especially considering the bullshit explanation for why he didn’t join at the very beginning of the season.

Tayshia, whose season Blake was on as well as Clare Crawley’s truncated season, visited Katie to tell her an unnamed “someone” from her past wanted to meet Katie because he thought they would be “an amazing match.” He didn’t show up at the start of the season because he wasn’t sure he wanted “to throw himself back into the wild, crazy roller-coaster this is.”

Sure. Because showing up four weeks into the season and aggravating the men who’ve been there since the start, that’s so much easier.

Even though Katie thought Blake was handsome and they had exchanged DMs after her “Bachelor” appearance, she rightfully expressed some skepticism: “It is concerning that you dated, at this point, two Bachelorettes. If you stay I will now be your third Bachelorette.”

But with a rose going begging after Thomas’s ouster — no, she didn’t give it to Christian, Conor C or David — Katie decided her gut (maybe with the help of a producer?) was telling her to explore things with Blake, so she woke him up in the middle of the night, half-naked in his room, to tell him he could stay. And he locked himself out in the hallway in his boxer shorts and hoodie.

What else happened?

Things got hot on the group date, as in habanero pepper hot. Sure Tayshia, Kaitlyn and Katie
laughed at Greg, then they tried the hot peppers themselves.

There was a group date on which for a whole 19 minutes or so nobody talked about Thomas. Instead they did ostensibly fun “dares” like eat platters full of Twinkies and chocolate cake and mashed potatoes; eat habanero peppers and “propose”; get their butts waxed (that was Tre); and “whisper sweet nothings” into a giant ear, not realizing that Katie and Tayshia and Kaitlyn were listening in.

On that front, Andrew S took his Duke of Hastings impression to a whole other level with his sexy talk. Front-runner Greg, on the other hand, talked about, er, the 50 states? “Everything’s bigger in Texas,” he said — which might have made sense if he wasn’t from New Jersey.

Greg had better luck later at the after-party when Katie told him she was starting to fall for him, although Andrew S upped the competition by serving Katie a plate full of Taco Bell and Lunchables.

But Tre scooped the rose away from both of them by sharing his suspicions with Katie that Thomas was being manipulative, a move that Andrew S vehemently disagreed with because he said it would cause needless drama. But then Josh and Conor and Christian and Andrew M all piled on, telling Katie they agreed with Tre.

It was inevitable that Thomas would make a play to save his ass, which he did by showing up at Katie’s suite before the rose ceremony. He complained that his integrity and character had been “demonsterized,” whatever the hell that means, and the only thing getting him through the unpleasantness was “an opportunity to be with you.”

Katie said he was “perfect” and “Prince Charming,” which kind of made me gag a little, although it turned out all right in the end.

You want to know who the real Prince Charming is? Michael.

Katie said Michael helped her figure out “what I want, what I deserve.”

When everybody else was getting their tighty whities in a knot at the cocktail party over whether Thomas would stay or go, he avoided the topic so as not to add to Katie’s stress, instead telling her how much he liked and missed her and that he was starting to imagine a life with her outside “The Bachelorette.”

“The person you are is exactly the person I have been seeking,” he told her and, you know, when he says stuff like that I believe him.

Katie moves into Week 5 with 14 guys left, including Blake. And yes, some of the other 13 will be hostile toward Blake, which is to be expected. And Hunter will apparently get aggressive in some kind of ball game (sorry folks, I’m not sporty) and somebody will get hurt, but whether those two things have anything to do with each other remains to be seen.

You can tune in Mondays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Mud gets slung, and wrestled in, on The Bachelorette

June 15, 2021 /
Co-hosts Tayshia Adams, Kaitlyn Bristowe and Bachelorette Katie Thurston oversee yet another potentially violent group date on “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC

Hey y’all, someone’s not here for the right reasons on Katie Thurston’s season of “The Bachelorette.” It might just be the producers.

Monday’s episode was a smorgasbord of the kind of drama that has little to do with Katie actually falling in love with and marrying someone, and everything to do with keeping ratings and social media mentions up.

There was a group date that seemed designed to make the virgin among the contestants as uncomfortable as possible; another group date that paired two men with a beef in a physical confrontation; and the grand finale was a contestant sowing so much doubt in Katie’s mind about whether the other men were there for the right reasons she was left shaking and crying.

Sure, she managed to deepen some connections in between the drama, but the cocktail party turned into a shit show and the rose ceremony was delayed until next episode.

Karl, centre, on the first, sex-themed group date with Justin, left, and Quartney.

At the centre of the brouhaha was Karl Smith, a motivational speaker from Florida. The word on the net is that Karl might be in this thing to gain social media followers and that could be true, but casting doesn’t happen in a vacuum. If Karl is indeed the type of jackass who’d prey on a woman’s insecurities just to get reality TV famous, you think producers didn’t know that going in?

I’ll be honest: I was ready to give Karl the benefit of the doubt after the first bit of tension between him and other men early in the episode, especially given the franchise’s shoddy record with its Black contestants, but by the end, yeah, he just seemed like a jerk.

Next week, we’re promised, the drama continues, with more antagonism between Karl and everyone else in the house, and bad blood between Aaron and Thomas. In the meantime, here’s what was up on Monday.

‘The Greatest Lover of All Time’

Much has been made of the fact that Katie is “sex positive,” so it was inevitable there would be a group date that involved the men talking about sex. It was also inevitable that Mike, the San Diego gym owner who’s saving it for marriage, would be on that date.

Guided by actor, comedian and podcaster Heather McDonald, Christian, Garrett, Tre, Quartney, James, Justin, Thomas, Connor B., Karl and Mike had to answer sex questions — stuff like their favourite sex positions (Mike’s answer was a question mark), a woman’s largest sex organ (nope, not the vagina, the brain) and what piece of clothing increases her chances of having an orgasm (really? socks?).

Tre demonstrated what he’d like to do with Katie using puppets. The safe word was “peaches.”

And then they had to do presentations on what made each of them the greatest lover. It was more about innuendo than raunch, unless you consider hand puppets making out triple X-rated.

When it was Mike’s turn, he read Katie a composition that climaxed with the line “I would wait another 31 years to have sex if it was what proved to you that I would sacrifice everything for you to feel loved and secure.”

Um, yay? Katie bought it, even wiping tears from her eyes, and it won Mike the trophy. But it was Thomas with whom she exchanged steamy smooches at the after-party and who got the date rose. Mike and Connor, who got a redo on his Night 1 kiss, sans cat costume this time, were given honourable mentions.

‘We did make out while he was sitting on a toilet’

First impression rose winner and fan favourite Greg Grippo also got the first one-on-one date, which involved pitching a tent (a real tent, get your mind out of the sex date), turning a bucket into a makeshift toilet, on which Greg sat while he and Katie kissed, and fishing in a river.

Greg and Katie, after they traded a seat on a “toilet” bucket for a log.

The rustic activities — they wore his and hers plaid shirts over hoodies, for gawd’s sake — stirred up lots of emotions in Katie because they reminded her of stuff she used to do with her dad, who died in 2012.

She picked Greg for the meaningful date because “I wanted someone here who I see this going far with,” she said, cementing Greg’s frontrunner status. But a couple of things bothered me. When Katie was struggling to hold back tears as she talked about her father, why didn’t Greg reach out and comfort her? And why did he wait until later at dinner to tell her he’d lost his own father two years before and also had fond memories of them fishing together? Is there some emotional blockage going on or am I reading too much into it?

Once Greg did open up, he couldn’t hold back tears of his own, for which he kept apologizing. But he and Katie ended the evening with fireworks, smooches and mutual admiration.

Katie’s Big Buckle Brawl

This group date started with co-hosts Tayshia Adams and Kaitlyn Bristowe sneaking into the men’s quarters while they were sleeping, waking them up by banging a pot and a cheese grater (?) with spoons and forcing the participants outside in whatever they had on. It appeared no one was sleeping commando.

And then John, Andrew S, Kyle, Josh, Aaron, Brendan, Hunter and Cody had to put on cowboy outfits and then take their shirts off again to mud wrestle each other, so why not just stay in their underwear?

Aaron is declared the winner in his mud-wrestling match with Cody.

The main event was Aaron vs. Cody. We already learned on Night 1 that Aaron had some kind of beef with Cody, whom he knew from San Diego, and obviously the producers knew that too or they would never have been put on the date together.

Their wrestling match was strenuous enough that Katie noticed the tension between them and, after Aaron won the Big Buckle and got to hang out with her alone, she asked him what was up.

It was something about unspecified social media posts, Cody wanting “to become famous” and handling unspecified situations in a “malicious” way, according to Aaron. When Katie confronted Cody and he denied everything Aaron had said, she decided Cody was the one telling fibs and sent him home.

While Katie was off on her own brooding over Cody’s untrustworthiness at the after-party, Andrew made his move and brought her a glass of champagne. And then they bonded over the fact they both grew up poor, sealing their connection with kisses and the date rose. Better luck next time Aaron and Hunter, despite your handwritten letter.

‘I don’t know how tonight could be ruined’

The minute Katie uttered those words you just knew the cocktail party before the rose ceremony was going to hell in a hand basket.

First Karl mused to the other gents seemingly out of the blue that maybe Cody wasn’t the only dude who wasn’t there for the right reasons. Then he told Katie “there are some people who don’t have the best intentions,” but he wouldn’t give her names or examples, and had the nerve to tell her not to “stress about that.” As fucking if.

Of course she stressed. She stressed enough to give the men a teary speech telling them “if you are not here for me, if you are not here for an engagement, then get the fuck out.”

“I don’t know who is here for the wrong reasons, but from what I’ve been told there are multiple people I should be looking out for,” she added.

She even pulled Aaron aside, thinking that after he threw Cody under the bus he could out the other rats, but he was flummoxed. In the meantime, Karl confessed to the other men that he was the one who had sent Katie into a tailspin. “I heard some stuff circulating around,” he said vaguely. “I don’t know specifics 100 per cent.”

Perhaps that’s because there are no “specifics”? As far as I can tell he flat out lied when he claimed he only brought it up because Kate asked him about it first.

Things ended with the rest of the men rightfully pissed off and Katie in a room by herself crying. And we’ll have to wait till next week to see how it’s resolved and who’s getting roses.

You can tune in Mondays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Meet the new Bachelorette, same as the old Bachelorette

June 8, 2021 /
Katie Thurston and some of the dudes who endured quarantine to hang out
with her on “The Bachelorette,” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC

So here we are again. After a disastrous season of “The Bachelor” that left a bad taste in plenty of mouths, sparked accusations of racism within the franchise and led to the departure of host Chris Harrison, a new season of “The Bachelorette” began Monday and it seems . . . exactly the same as every other season that came before it.

The star in what will be the first of two “Bachelorette” seasons to air this year is Katie Thurston, a 30-year-old marketing manager who became a fan favourite among Matt James’ group of contestants after she sparred with the bully-in-chief and tattled on a couple of the mean girls, but then got friend-zoned by Matt.

On her debut as the one handing out the roses, we had the same unwieldy group of some 30 men, same script about journeys, finding love and so on, same promises of conflict tinged with potential violence, same dumb shit-stirring production manipulations: I mean, hello, Blake Moynes from Clare’s and Tayshia’s combined season is coming back as a late contestant?

Roughly a third of the 23 fellows left standing Monday night were men of colour, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything if they’re only there to give the franchise a sheen of diversity, as we’ve seen in past seasons.

Co-hosts Tayshia Adams, left, and Kaitlyn Bristowe greet Katie before the limos started pulling up.

The only real change was Harrison’s absence and I can’t say it was to the show’s detriment. The presence of past Bachelorettes Kaitlyn Bristowe and Tayshia Adams as co-hosts injected some positive go-girl energy into the proceedings. I mean, can you imagine Harrison munching on popcorn as he watched the limos pull up and shouting encouragement to Katie from a window as she met the men?

So yes, the men. There were 29 of them to start by my count, well, 28 and one half man, half cat.

Katie bonds with Connor B, a math teacher who showed up dressed as a cat.

Connor B, a math teacher and musician from Nashville, separated himself from the pack by showing up dressed as Katie’s favourite animal, although she left her beloved cat Tommy at home during filming. Connor was one of several men who got first-night smooches from Katie, although personally I thought Connor’s kisses looked a bit like my cat attacking a bowl of canned food. Still, he seems nice enough.

Businessman Michael from Ohio also tried to bond over beasts with Katie, in his case a dog named Tommy, although his real love is his 4-year-old son.

There were a few other sweethearts in the bunch, at least based on first impressions.

Thomas, a real estate broker from San Diego County, said he “felt like a third grader trying to talk to a cute girl for the first time” and made Katie blush with his compliments, although he also seems to feature in some of the drama to come.

Tre, a software engineer from Georgia, showed up in a pickup truck with a ball pit in the bed (because Katie’s “a pretty baller Bachelorette”) and they had fun later sitting in the balls sipping drinks.

Katie had chemistry with Justin, an investment sales consultant from Baltimore who painted her a picture of roses and leaned in for the first kiss.

And I got just a touch of Duke of Hastings from “Bridgerton” vibes when Andrew S, a charming pro football player from Chicago by way of Vienna, spoke with a fake British accent.

I also have to put in a word for the Canadian in the bunch, firefighter trainee Brendan from my hometown of Toronto. Just ask Astrid Loch, who’s expecting a baby with fiancé Kevin Wendt, what she thinks of firefighters from Toronto.

Katie pins the first impression rose on early fan favourite Greg.

But my hands down favourite — me and the rest of Bachelor nation — was Greg, the marketing sales rep from New Jersey who won over Katie with his nervous sincerity and a necklace made of pasta by his 3-year-old niece. I mean, come on, the end-of-episode promo showed he and Katie kissing in the rain. I have no idea if Greg makes it to the end (no spoilers please!), but him getting the first impression rose was a given.

Who’s not so great?

There was some weird unexplained beef between Aaron, an insurance agent from San Diego, and Cody, a “zipper sales manager” also from San Diego. Seemingly out of the blue, Aaron told Cody, “I don’t like you, bro. Like, I’ve never liked you.” I can only assume they have some history back home.

Otherwise, no villains emerged on Night 1. There wasn’t even any double dipping on Katie’s time and the snarkery was mild at best, a few digs at Connor’s cat costume and at James, the software salesman from La Jolla, Calif., who spent most of the night in a giant wrapped box so he could be “present” for Katie.

Personally, I was waiting for someone to show up with a vibrator, hearkening back to Katie’s entrance on Matt James’ “Bachelor” season. Cody brought a blow-up doll named Sandy and Miami motivational speaker Karl depicted Katie as a vibrator-wielding princess in the poster he drew for her, but that was it for sex toys.

There were also a couple of random pairs of gitch. Florida technical recruiter Kyle pulled some tighty whities out of his pants and surgical skin salesman Jeff, who drove his motorhome (a.k.a. “Breaking Bad” RV) from New Jersey, apparently left his boxer shorts lying around before inviting Katie in for a tour. Um, yeah, way to keep it classy.

Oh right and there’s a virgin, gym owner Mike, also from San Diego, because we all know how well having virgins on the show has worked out before. Plus, yeah, what a great choice for a Bachelorette who describes herself as “sex positive.”

When all was said and done Katie handed out roses to a few serious contenders and a bunch of group date fodder.

As for what’s ahead, same old it looks like. The promos showed verbal sparring, men knocking each other around on group date challenges, the obligatory call for the medics, men getting naked or nearly so, lots of tears, hints of betrayal, an angry Katie telling guys to “get the fuck out” if they’re not there for her, Katie herself threatening to go home. So all the usual nonsense, but we’re still watching, aren’t we?

You can tune in Mondays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Edited because I said that Michael had a 4-year-old daughter rather than a son. Duh.

The Bachelor sends home a favourite and lets in an interloper

February 9, 2021 /
Pieper and Matt spent part of their date at a carnival in the woods at Nemacolin. Wheee!
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC

Matt James took one of his dates to a private carnival on Monday night’s “Bachelor,” but it felt like viewers were the ones being taken for a ride.

I mean, is there any good reason why Heather Martin, a contestant from Colton Underwood’s season, would show up halfway through Matt’s season other than to stir up as much shit as possible?

Are ex-Bachelorette Hannah Brown and her pals in charge of casting now? Have the producers decided that Matt’s journey for love is a lost cause and they might as well pump up the drama any way they can?

I get that Matt’s chances of settling on someone to marry seem to dwindle every time he takes another woman on a one-on-one and claims he can picture a life with her. It’s like frontrunner roulette: Oh, he’s really into Bri . . . no wait, it’s Sarah . . . never mind, it’s Serena P . . . spoke too soon, it’s Michelle . . . oops, now it’s Rachael . . . er, it’s Kit? . . . sigh, now he’s into Pieper.

All this while his first impression rose winner, Abigail, is consigned to group date purgatory week after week.

And now Heather comes strolling in like she’s freakin’ Cinderella at the ball? Ridiculous. The only purpose it serves is to drive the other women crazy, just when things were settling down after weeks of sniping and bullying in the house.

Matt with MJ back before he got tipped off to her new girl-baiting ways.

So about that, one of the last of the mean girls got dispatched early in the episode.

You might recall from last week that MJ and Jessenia were on an instant two-on-one after Jessenia outed MJ as an “antagonist” for making the newer contestants feel unwelcome.

MJ figured she could fluff her hair, put her “weak bitch moment” behind her and that Matt would believe her crap about spreading harmony and peace. He did not. She got escorted to an SUV of Shame and driven away, complaining about how “petty” Jessenia was.

Matt was supposedly so exhausted from refereeing MJ vs. Jessenia that he couldn’t endure a cocktail party with the rest of the women ahead of the rose ceremony. That made Ryan and Pieper cry. Serena C, a.k.a. Mean Girl Jr., blamed it on Katie. Like huh?

Matt gave roses to Serena P, Michelle, Pieper, Bri, Chelsea, Katie and Serena C (Jessenia, Kit, Abigail and Rachael already had them), thereby ensuring the Katie-Serena C drama would continue. Magi, who seemed like a sweetheart from what little we saw of her, went home, along with two of the new girls, Ryan and Brittany, which makes you wonder what was the point of bringing them in in the first place. Oh right, drama.

Speaking of drama, the next day Serena C confronted Katie to complain that Katie’s “antics” were costing her time with Matt. “You’re lighting all these little fires everywhere. You’re the freakin’ arsonist,” complained Serena. It escalated into a shouting match. The silliest part? Neither Serena C nor Katie stood a chance in hell of ending up with Matt, so WHY ALL THE YELLING?

Little did they know an even more disruptive force was pulling up at the gates of the resort. It was Heather Martin asking to see host Chris Harrison.

“Heather, what are you doing here?” asked Harrison, echoing all of Bachelor Nation.

Heather explained that her pal Hannah Brown, who met Matt early in the pandemic when she quarantined with him and Tyler Cameron, had told Heather that Matt was her “perfect match.” “I couldn’t let him get engaged and not meet him and not try my best,” said Heather.

Well, we’re six weeks into the season now, so yeah, you could.

Harrison said he had to talk to some other people before deciding if Heather could stay, which meant he and some other people were going to pretend to debate letting Heather in while having a good laugh about how upset the other contestants would be when they saw Heather on rose ceremony night.

Matt and Pieper with country trio Temecula Road. Don’t worry, they all had their COVID tests.

In the meantime, Matt had a one-on-one with Pieper. He waited till after dark, drove her to a wooded area of the resort, made her walk into the trees and voila: a whole mini carnival with rides and games and junk food.

Yes, it was pretty sweet. Later, Pieper told Matt about how her family doesn’t use the word “love” and so it was hard for her to express her emotions, but she somehow summoned up the courage to tell Matt she was falling in love with him. Matt told Pieper he wanted her to continue trusting him with her feelings and her heart, which seems like a really bad idea if you ask me.

There was a rose, there was kissing, there was a band. Yes, a country band. What else?

Serena C. works off her Katie aggression with some bowling.

Next up, the group date ladies — Bri, Kit, Rachael, Michelle, Jessenia, Serena P, Abigail, Chelsea and Serena C — went bowling with Matt. They were split into two teams, even though there were nine of them, and the losing team was banished from the cocktail party even though they came back from an almost 200-point deficit and lost by a measly six points. What’s worse is that Matt let them walk back to their suite, frustrated and angry, and waited to send over a date card inviting them to the party.

Double the drama: the losing team was riled up and then they got to disappoint the winning team, who’d been thrilled they only had to divide Matt’s time four ways.

Chelsea took it particularly hard, until Matt assured her that he could see himself with her — well, who can’t he see himself with at this point? — but Michelle got the date rose.

And then it was Katie’s turn for a one-on-one, but first Matt reconnected with his bestie Tyler Cameron over a game of pool and talk of Katie’s “cactus-size vibrator” (um, ouch?). Matt said getting advice from Tyler gave him confidence because he’d seen the process “work” for Tyler except . . . did he actually watch Hannah’s season, because I’m pretty sure she picked Jed. And now she’s apparently dating some model.

Anyway Katie arrived for her date and it looked like she and Matt were going to spend the afternoon at the hotel spa. All right, not a carnival in the woods, but OK. But then Matt told Katie that Tyler was coming in for a massage, and Matt and Katie were going to hide in a little room watching on a monitor and secretly telling the actor pretending to be a masseuse what tricks to play on Tyler and . . . this is a date? I mean, yes, Tyler without a shirt on, I get it. But really?

Matt and Katie have a laugh on a previous episode.

The choice of date was the first clue that Katie was stuck in the friend zone. The unsmiling look Matt gave her at dinner when she said she wanted her love story to be Matt’s love story was another. But then he picked up the rose, so maybe she was going to stick around after all.

Instead Matt blathered a bit about how much their relationship had grown and how she set the tone in the house and how much she meant to him, but sorry, it wasn’t enough to give her a rose.

Katie kept her head high and her eyes dry as she left. Hopefully she remembered to pack the vibrator.

There’s already a groundswell of support building for her to be the next Bachelorette.

It was time for another cocktail party and rose ceremony. The women seemed friendly and contented. They figured the drama was behind them. And then Heather showed up, got stuck in the revolving door, smiled and waved at the women as she walked past them, and interrupted Matt with Pieper.

Matt laughed so hard when Heather walked in I figured maybe he’d heard a clip of her saying she was ready to fall in love with Matt and get engaged. As if.

The other women were not laughing. As my Toronto girl Serena P put it, “If she gets a rose tonight I’ll be rageful.”

Next week, yes, there’s definitely some ragefulness and some tears and Heather complains that people are being mean. Like, what the hell did she expect?

You can watch Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

New blood brings fresh meat for the Bachelor’s Mean Girls

January 26, 2021 /
Matt James started his night with 18 women at the rose ceremony and ended up with 23.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC

Dumping new women into the cauldron of insecurity and jealousy that is “The Bachelor” several weeks into the season is kind of a no-miss move if drama is the aim.

At the very least, the original women will be flustered enough to generate lots of bitchy B-roll when the new ladies arrive. If the Bachelor keeps at least one of the newbies you’re guaranteed at least another day or two of tension.

But I imagine the producers practically peed themselves with excitement when Matt James kept (or agreed to keep) four of the five women parachuted in on Monday night, then took one of the four on a one-on-one date, leaving several of the OG contestants in a lather.

And when the jealousy reached new levels of verbal nastiness, well, high fives all around in the production room.

It seems like last week‘s gang-up on Sarah was perhaps a rule and not an exception given what went down this week. As usual, Victoria was the chief Mean Girl, but Anna was a close second, with assists from MJ and Serena C.

The episode began with Matt moping about Sarah’s departure and a few of the women gloating about it. “The trash took itself out,” sniped Victoria. When Katie asked her to stop being mean, Victoria responded, “No, I won’t stop, Katie. I’ll do whatever the fuck I want.”

Matt and Katie, who had no time for Victoria’s nonsense.

During the group date, Victoria tried to get Katie to apologize: “You told me to stop when I wasn’t done expressing myself.” When Katie pointed out that Victoria’s self-expression consisted of calling Sarah names, Victoria retorted, “I can express myself with name-calling if I choose to.” When Katie didn’t back down, Victoria tried to shame her by bringing up the vibrator from Night 1, but Katie — bless her heart — stuck to her guns.

Model Chelsea, who chatted with Matt about the emotional weight that Black women attach to their hair, got the date rose.

By the time the rose ceremony cocktail party rolled around, it looked like the drama had died down. Matt gave a very unconvincing speech about how he was eventually “hoping to get down on one knee” and distributed kisses and compliments to Pieper and Kit and Katie and Bri. And then, just as Victoria started blathering to Matt, host Chris Harrison interrupted and told Matt he had to talk to him. Right. Now.

Matt liked newcomer Brittany way more than the OG contestants did.

Was Sarah back? That’s what the women thought when an SUV pulled up outside. But brunette bombshell Brittany quickly became their new target when they saw her from a window planting a big smooch on Matt (for the love of god, will someone tell Matt to close his eyes when he kisses?).

She was quickly followed by teacher Michelle, dancer Ryan, nurse Kim and Catalina, a former Miss Puerto Rico whose crown “Queen Victoria” stole right off her head.

Victoria fumed that the interlopers were “random-ass hoes”: Anna said she was having a mental breakdown; Katie worried they were “new and exciting eye candy.” Matt called them “a nice surprise” — so nice in fact that he kept Brittany, Michelle, Ryan and Catalina and sent home Khaylah and Kaili, not that it mattered much in the grand scheme of things. It’s mostly changing up the group date fodder.

Speaking of group dates, the next day Matt took Brittany, Ryan and Catalina on a group date with Mari, Bri, Abigail, Magi, Anna and Victoria.

Former Bachelor Ben Higgins was back to oversee a group date.

It was an obstacle course supposedly planned by former Bachelor Ben Higgins: a “Fall in Love Fest” in which the women had to kayak in “pumpkins” across a pond (fall, get it?), then dress in squirrel costumes and hunt for stuffed acorns in a pile of leaves before racing to the finish line.

There was no drama to speak of, unless you count Anna hiding Brittany’s acorn, but that changed at the cocktail party when Brittany interrupted Anna’s time with Matt.

Anna started trash-talking Brittany, egged on by Victoria, who called Brittany “slutty.” Anna claimed to have heard rumours from their mutual hometown of Chicago that Brittany was — gasp! — an escort.

Brittany denied it, saying it was shitty that Anna was drawing conclusions without knowing her. “I know you guys don’t care at all, but it’s really hard,” said Brittany, to which Victoria retorted, “OK, then get out of the house” and laughed.

First off, so what if Brittany was an escort? Would that disqualify her from coming on a dating show? And have we not moved past women slut-shaming each other on this series?

Newcomer Michelle got a coveted one-on-one with Matt.

Against that background, Matt’s one-on-one date with Michelle the next day was a nice respite. The ziplining and hot-air ballooning were fine (some of the other women spied on them with binoculars from a hotel balcony), but it was the dinner conversation that made it clear these two had really bonded in their short time together.

Michelle talked about her work as a teacher, how much she loved her job, how hard the year had been for her students between the pandemic and the killing of George Floyd, and she paraphrased Maya Angelou: “People don’t always remember what you say. They remember how you made them feel,” which happened to be one of Matt’s favourite quotes.

Matt said Michelle had “the type of depth I’m looking for in a woman” and “could be someone that I called my wife,” and you had the feeling it might be game over for the women back at the hotel.

There was fighting as well as fighting words on “The Bachelor,” with guidance from Mia St. John.

Nonetheless, the show must go on, so there was another group date. This time 10 of the women — no newbies, luckily for them — got to train with former world boxing champ Mia St. John and then beat each other up in the “Battle for the Bachelor” while the rest of the women, Harrison and alum Wells Adams watched.

The women didn’t pull their punches, so much so that one bout was stopped after Serena P. got smacked in the throat and the nose by Lauren.

At the after-party, the women began complaining about the new girls again, undeterred by Katie telling them, “At some point we’ve got to get over it and welcome them into the house a little bit.”

It was worse back at the “house,” where Anna and Victoria were tag-teaming again, with Victoria calling Brittany “serial killer weird” and Catalina “the dumbest ho I’ve ever met.”

Katie, who knew firsthand how upset Brittany was about the escort story, decided to tattle. She ran outside to tell Matt there was bullying going on and rumours being spread about the new girls that “could literally ruin their lives.”

So it looks like the poop will hit the fan next week just ahead of the rose ceremony.

There will be tears, recriminations and it looks like Victoria will have a fainting spell of her own.

You can watch all the drama on Citytv next Monday at 8 p.m. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

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