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Tag: Tayshia Adams

Someone put a ring on it on ‘The Bachelorette’ season finale

December 23, 2020 /
Host Chris Harrison and Bachelorette Tayshia Adams on proposal day.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

SPOILER ALERT: STOP READING NOW IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHO TAYSHIA GOT ENAGAGED TO.

As a certain 16th-century playwright once wrote, “All’s well that ends well.”

There were moments of frustration on the “Bachelorette” finale, to be sure — Ben being allowed to stay, a very unhelpful daddy-daughter talk — but Tayshia Adams ended up engaged to Zac Clark after a truly beautiful proposal and seemed to be deliriously happy.

I don’t know about you, but I had myself a good cry. As Tayshia might say, it was a lot.

Given what we’ve watched the last couple of weeks, it seemed very likely that Zac would be the last man standing, not that “Bachelorette” producers didn’t try to throw us off the trail.

First there was the return of Ben Smith, which I thought was kind of ridiculous.

Just repeating “I love you” over and over again should not have been good enough for a second chance. I was expecting Tayshia to tell him that he was too late and to send him home for good, but instead she invited him to that night’s rose ceremony and then she kissed him — like, really kissed him. Ugh.

Still, I figured Tayshia would give the first rose to Zac then seem to waver between Ben and Ivan for drama’s sake before giving the second rose to Ivan. Instead, she picked up a rose, put it down again and uttered the dreaded words, “Ivan, can we talk really quickly?”

So yes, Ivan was sent home. Tayshia blamed it on religious differences that had come up during their overnight date. “At the end of the day religion’s part of my morals and my beliefs,” she said.

What does that mean? Is Ivan an atheist? Does he only go to church at Christmas and Easter? We never found out. Ivan went pretty quietly although he did say in the SUV of Shame that he figured Tayshia wouldn’t end up with anybody because “me and her made the most sense.”

Ivan and Tayshia on their hometown date, presumably not talking about religion.

His departure raises a couple of questions. Had Ben not shown up, would Tayshia have gone through the charade of introducing Ivan to her parents for the sake of the format, despite knowing they were incompatible? Was Ben allowed to come back just so Tayshia could send Ivan home and still have two finalists?

Whatever Ben might have thought was going on, it was clear after watching both him and Zac with Tayshia’s family that he was around just to make up the numbers.

For instance, Tayshia’s father Desmond asked Ben, “What do you see in Tayshia?” His answer: “For me, what made me come back to this experience, even though I was sent home, is the way that she makes me feel and I would be an idiot not to come back.”

Sorry dude, but that answer’s about you, not her.

Zac’s responses seemed less self-centred and more mature.

When Desmond expressed concern that an engagement between Zac and Tayshia might be a “test” rather than a commitment, Zac replied, “What I’ve really had to look at is, when all this goes away and it’s just me and her, life is not always easy. Supporting each other through these tough times is what I actually look forward to.”

So, in other words, he seemed to have thought beyond the “Tayshia makes me feel good” stage.

In any event, there are no guarantees when it comes to relationships, on or off “The Bachelorette,” which is why it was kind of annoying when Desmond turned up at Tayshia’s door to have a doom and gloom conversation with her.

“I’ve seen you hurt before and I can’t let that happen this time,” he told her, referring to her divorce. “Seeing these guys, we don’t want things to go backwards for you. It might not be what you want to hear, but I don’t want you to be making the biggest mistake of your life.”

Gee, thanks Dad.

I have a few questions of my own. Is Tayshia not an adult capable of making her own decisions? How exactly do you keep somebody from getting hurt unless you lock them in a room and throw away the key? Was this conversation all her father’s idea or did production have a hand in it? If it happened just before her date with Zac, as it was presented, why was Tayshia wearing the same denim dress she had on when she went to see Ben, whose date appeared to come after Zac’s?

Tayshia and Zac on their fantasy suite date.

However it unfolded, Tayshia did seem rattled when she met with Zac. They had a good time at their dance lesson, but that night Tayshia expressed her fears: that Zac’s feelings might change if she put her career ambitions aside to become a full-time mother, that he might eventually run away.

Zac, who was celebrating his ninth anniversary of being sober, told her the reason his recovery was so important to him was because “it allowed me to not run away . . . and actually face life as it comes my way.”

“To hear you say your fear is that things will change or that I’ll run or whatever it is breaks my heart because if I were given the opportunity to propose to you, I am not doing that unless I am committing to you, for life.”

Tayshia’s mind was set at ease, so much so that she didn’t even bother having her final date with Ben. She visited him in his room and gave him the old “I care about you so much” — pause — “I just feel like my heart is with somebody else” speech.

There was nothing left on the to-do list but a proposal.

We had to endure some more commentary about Tayshia’s doubts — and she started crying when she checked in with Chris Harrison — but of course she and Zac were getting engaged. Duh.

I won’t repeat Zac’s whole proposal speech. The part that really got me went as follows: “I love you, Tayshia. I love you because you’re a fighter. I love you ’cause you’re a strong, independent woman. You make everyone around you better. I love you because you believe in me. I love you because you’re a total dork. And I love you because you drive me absolutely wild. I love everything about you.”

I’ve had a few people tell me they don’t buy that Tayshia and Zac really love each other. It seemed pretty convincing to me.

Tayshia gave a lovely speech too, telling him, “I love you, Zac Clark. And I’ll do absolutely anything to keep that huge smile on your face because you do everything to keep a huge smile on mine.”

There was an emerald-cut Neil Lane diamond to put on her finger, a final rose to put on his lapel, happy tears, laughter, hugs, kisses, dancing and then they hailed the cardboard taxi from their hometown date and carried it away with a “Just engaged” sign on the back, which was absolutely adorable.

There was no “After the Final Rose” for us to bask in their joy (or to commiserate if they had broken up), but judging from the interview that Tayshia gave to People magazine, which appeared Tuesday night, it seems she and Zac are still very much a thing.

Assuming that Clare Crawley and Dale Moss are still together — and from what I can glean online, they are — “Bachelorette” producers must be feeling extremely pleased with themselves. Not only did they pull off a satisfying season during a pandemic, they ended up with two engagements, almost as good as a season of “Bachelor in Paradise.”

Now we’ll have to see if Matt James can keep up the streak when his “Bachelor” season starts Jan. 4.

I’ll be watching and recapping. In the meantime, you can comment here (no spam please), come visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

It’s down to 2 — oops, we’re back to 3 men — on ‘The Bachelorette’

December 22, 2020 /
Tayshia Adams and Zac Clark get handsy during Night 1
of the “Bachelorette” season finale. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Things got messy during the fantasy suites episode of “The Bachelorette” — and I don’t mean because Tayshia and Zac spent part of their date slathering each other in paint.

Their time together was one of the cleanest parts of Monday’s episode in that it seemed pretty straightforward: Zac said he loved Tayshia; she said she loved him back; Zac seemed like the man to beat in the proposal derby.

But Tayshia’s journey hit a couple of big pot holes. First, Brendan Morais, the man who seemed like the biggest threat to Zac’s frontrunner status, sent himself home after deciding he wasn’t ready to commit to Tayshia. Then Ben Smith, the guy Tayshia sent home last week, came back to declare his love and complicate the hell out of everything.

Here’s how I thought the night was going to go: Tayshia was going to send dear sweet Ivan Hall away and make Zac and Brendan the final two. Even if Ben did come back, as everyone expected, Tayshia would send him home . . . again.

Now? Well, considering we saw Tayshia kissing Ben in the promo for Tuesday’s episode it looks like she might give him another chance. What does that mean for Ivan and Zac? Guess we’ll find out tomorrow night.

In the meantime, we’ve got a couple of fantasy suites to talk about.

Brrrrr. Tayshia and Ivan climb into tubs of ice water on their date.

Ivan was first up. I’m not sure who decides who gets what date, but from my point of view he got a raw deal — as in raw from the cold. He and Tayshia set a record for “world’s longest coldest kiss” by smooching while sitting in tubs of ice water for more than six minutes. “How is this going to affect his performance in the fantasy suite later tonight?” quipped host Chris Harrison, who oversaw the event with “Bachelor” security dude Big Paulie.

Things warmed up from there. Later, at another one of those dinners where nobody actually eats, Ivan told Tayshia he was falling in love with her. Personally, I was suspicious of the fact that she looked down instead of right at him when he said it, but she did tell him, “I definitely have been falling for you too.”

After going through the charade of reading the fantasy suite card (as if he was going to say no to forgoing his individual room) they repaired to possibly the cutest fantasy suite ever in an Airstream trailer. Ivan said they stayed up all night talking. The end result: Ivan was ready to propose and Tayshia said she could picture “a really beautiful life” with him.

One down, two to go.

Tayshia and Zac during the clothed part of their painting exercise.

There was no ice involved in Zac’s date with Tayshia. They started hot and just kept sizzling along. Having to strip down to bathing suits and cover each other with body paint fuelled their natural chemistry. There was much smooching.

At dinner, Tayshia, who’s said a couple of times that she wants five children, questioned Zac about his mother’s contention that he didn’t want any kids. Zac assured her he was ready to be a dad and, furthermore, “I don’t think, I know that I love you,” Zac told her.

“I love your smile, your strength, how you treat other people. I just love the human being that you are.”

Tayshia put her hand to her face, seeming overcome by emotion, and replied, “It’s just wild because I love you too.”

She seemed delighted by Zac’s admission, laughing and kissing him, and making him repeat the words. The laughing and kissing continued in the fantasy suite, where it looked like Zac and Tayshia might stay up doing more than talking, but who knows?

But despite how thrilled Tayshia seemed with Zac — they even jumped on the bed together — she noted that Brendan had had her heart “since Day 1.”

Nobody who saw her heartwarming “hometown” date with Brendan could doubt there was a real bond between them, which made what came next all the more shocking.

Don’t let the smile fool you. Brendan seemed nervous during his diamond date with Tayshia.

Going into the date, Brendan said he was nervous about the idea of proposing, but in the normal scheme of things you’d expect those jitters to subside in the fantasy suite. Except Brendan gave off a deer caught in the headlights vibe when he and Tayshia met up with resident “Bachelor” jeweller Neil Lane and Tayshia tried on bling, including wedding rings.

It seems so Machiavellian. The guy’s getting cold feet about getting engaged so trap him in a room full of engagement and wedding bands. If the point was indeed to stoke Brendan’s doubts it worked like a charm.

Holding back tears, he told Tayshia at dinner that he wanted a wife and kids “more than anything on the face of this Earth, but then coming to the realization that there’s a big part of me that’s still broken, there’s a big part of me that still needs time to heal,” Brendan said.

“All I want is to give you my whole heart, but as I sit here today my heart isn’t whole and it really breaks my heart, because you deserve a man that is complete and you deserve a man who is healed from his past and, unfortunately, right now I’m not that man.”

It was one of the more heartbreaking goodbyes we’ve seen in the franchise. Tayshia cried as she and Brendan hugged at the waiting SUV. He kissed her hand and said, “Thank you, Tayshia. God bless you, OK?” And then he was gone and Tayshia cried even harder.

But she was composed the next day, when former Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay showed up for a pep talk, on top of the one Tayshia already had from JoJo Fletcher. Not that it wasn’t nice to see Rachel, but I’m a bit mystified as to why these former Bachelorettes keep popping up for what amounts to filler, especially in the middle of a pandemic.

Tayshia with Ben on a previous episode.

Anyway, Tayshia was all ready mentally to hand roses to her final two when Ben turned up, first at host Harrison’s door, claiming he simply had to tell Tayshia that he loved her.

Tayshia didn’t seem thrilled to see Ben. Nonetheless she let him in and listened as he blamed his complete lack of emotion at their breakup on how caught off guard he had been.

“The feelings that I’ve had for you, I just didn’t know what it was, but I’m in love with you,” Ben said. “Like the life we could have together, the thought of that, it keeps me awake at night and I’m not sure what to do right now.”

Say thanks for your time and head back out the door is what I would suggest, but that wasn’t happening. Tayshia was the one who left the room, looking very upset. “I mean, I just want to cry. I don’t know what to do,” she told an unseen producer.

Frankly, it seems like there’s a lot to do in tomorrow’s two-hour finale. Tayshia has to figure out what to do with Ben; there’s a rose ceremony; the final two have to meet her parents; she has to have a potentially upsetting conversation with her father. And then, maybe by the end of it all, she’ll be engaged.

It airs Tuesday at 8 p.m. on Citytv.

Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? You can comment here (no spam please) or come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

The Bachelorette picks her final 4 and the Men Tell All, all in 1 night

December 15, 2020 /
Host Chris Harrison and Bachelorette Tayshia Adams on “The Men Tell All” part of “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Fasten your seatbelts, Bachelor Nation. With apologies for borrowing from Bette Davis, it looks like it’s going to be a bumpy ride, not to mention a really speedy one.

“The Bachelorette” crammed what would normally be two episodes worth of material into one on Monday night, including a “Men Tell All.” Hometown dates follow Tuesday. Next week is the two-part season finale, which presumably means fantasy suite dates on Dec. 21 and the proposal on Dec. 22.

It’s not quite Clare getting engaged to Dale fast, but it’s brisk.

Likewise, Tayshia Adams moved from dithering last week, so conflicted she couldn’t even hand out a group date rose, to extra decisive this week.

She let two men go ahead of the rose ceremony and then cancelled the cocktail party, so confident was she in her decisions. The final four are, in fact, no surprise. But let’s back up and recount how we got here.

First, there was Tayshia’s one-on-one date with Canadian wildlife manager Blake Moynes. Bachelor 101 says if you’re just getting your first real date the week before hometowns you’re probably a goner.

Tayshia and Blake meet with “Reiki and crystal master” Geeta.

Indeed, after an awkward and kind of pointless session with a “Reiki and crystal master” — which included the inevitable “tantric breathing exercise,” i.e. crotch meld, not to mention Blake getting visibly, er, “charged” — Tayshia felt that Blake wasn’t her “guy.” He didn’t even get a chance to pretend to eat dinner with her before she told him they should go their separate ways, with Tayshia crying buckets as she handed him into the SUV of Shame despite her certainty she was doing the right thing.

That certainty gave Tayshia “clarity” about someone else, so she headed to the suite where the men were hanging out and asked Riley to step outside.

Tayshia explained that she didn’t want to lead Riley on by meeting his family “if my heart is not 100 per cent matching yours.”

Riley, like the lawyer he is, put up a bit of an argument, asking “Why keep me around so long?”

The real answer is that it’s always about the numbers in “Bachelor” or “Bachelorette.” Guys get strung along week after week because the number of men need to match the number of roses.

Tayshia said that her breakthrough conversations with Riley, the ones in which he showed her who he really was, “started coming a little bit later.” And then Riley stopped resisting.

“I can argue all day, but in the end it doesn’t matter because the end result is the same. So the longer I sit here, the longer I look at you, the longer I hear you talk, see you smile, the more pain I feel.”

He left with grace and class and generosity, and Tayshia cried a lot.

I couldn’t help contrasting her emotional reaction to letting Riley go to her sangfroid when she jettisoned Bennett, and thinking how ridiculous it was that Bennett — after coming back to surprise Tayshia the week before — had been allowed to stay until the rose ceremony.

Tayshia gives Bennett the heave-ho the week before. I don’t see any tears, do you?

It was absolutely preposterous to think that Bennett, despite already being sent home once, would vault past men like Brendan and Zac and Ivan in Tayshia’s affections to claim a rose. Clearly his being allowed to return was nothing more than a stupid producer trick, a way to stir up a little crap among the men.

And indeed, the other men were visibly displeased when Bennett came strolling back in before the rose ceremony, looking like the cat that swallowed the canary. “You guys looks like you’ve seen a ghost,” Bennett cheerfully told Ben, Zac, Brendan, Ivan and Noah, before adding that he’d returned so he wouldn’t be written off as a “Harvard D-bag.”

Then, after all the nonsense about Tayshia feeling conflicted because Bennett told her he loved her, he didn’t even get to converse with her again before she gave roses to Zac, Ivan and Brendan (Ben already had one), dispatching Noah and Bennett.

I did feel bad for Riley, who seems like a good guy, but it had to be those four for hometowns given that they’re the men Tayshia had gotten closest to. If it wasn’t, it would have been quite the shocker.

Next it was time for a truncated “Men Tell All.”

The bad blood between Noah and Bennett was rehashed. Nothing new there. Noah accused Bennett of being condescending and conniving; Bennett accused Noah of creating all the drama. Riley sided with Noah, Kenny with Bennett. There was some shouting between Noah and Kenny, and Kenny had to be bleeped, and host Chris Harrison had to whistle to get them to simmer down. Bennett eventually apologized, but Noah told him he was “an ostentatious Harvard D-bag” and they’d never be friends.

That was small potatoes compared to the real D-bag in the room. Yosef Aborady returned to rehash his exit and his berating of first Bachelorette Clare Crawley over what he called the “classless” strip dodgeball date, which saw the losers of the game strip down to their man goodies (thanks Demar).

Yosef claimed he was “sticking up for these guys,” but Blake and Kenny, who’d both been starkers, said no thanks to that. Jason called Yosef out for being disrespectful to Clare and told him to “shut the fuck up” when Yosef tried to talk over Jason the same way he talked over Clare.

Asked by Harrison if he had any regrets, Yosef was adamant he did not.

“Just so we’re clear, when you watch that, you’re like that’s cool, I would never mind anyone talking to my daughter like that,” Harrison said.

“If my daughter did something like that I would hope somebody would call her out,” Yosef replied, which tells you pretty much everything you need to know right there.

I hope we never see that misogynistic creep on any Bachelor show ever again.

What a contrast between Yosef’s bullshit and Riley, who got emotional after watching tape of his breakup with Tayshia, telling her that despite the heartache, “I appreciate everything you did for me. I would not change this experience for anything in the world.”

Tayshia reassured Riley that he hadn’t scared her off by telling her about his past, which he said was “a weight off my chest.”

Tayshia also made Blake feel a little better, telling him she’d subconsciously put up walls to protect herself against him, knowing he’d had feelings for Clare.

“I’m glad now I can look at you with a smile and remember you like this and not like that,” Blake said, referring to their breakup. “That was brutal for the longest time.”

I know Harrison talks about the bloopers being the funniest part of “Men Tell All,” but what really made me laugh was he and Ed reliving their bromance, spawned when Ed went to the wrong suite while looking for Tayshia’s room at the resort.

“We had a good time, man,” Harrison said. “Just a couple of guys hanging out, having a nice bottle of wine.”

“It was pretty epic,” said Ed. “I’m somehow glad I wasn’t at Tayshia’s that night actually.”

Enjoy the laughs while you can. There were an awful lots of tears in the promo for the final three nights of the season.

The next episode airs Tuesday at 8 p.m. on Citytv.

Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? You can comment here (no spam please) or come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

It’s boo! and bye-bye for one man on ‘The Bachelorette’

December 2, 2020 /
Zac and Tayshia demonstrate the mood on the latest “Bachelorette” episode, as in up and down.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Welcome to “The Bachelorette,” a.k.a. “The Haunting of La Quinta Resort.”

Not only was there a date that involved ghost-hunting, Tayshia professed to be haunted by memories of her first marriage; various men dredged up haunted bits of their pasts, like drug addiction, an eating disorder and horrible home lives; and then there was the Ghost of Squabbles Past as the Bennett and Noah feud kept rolling along.

By next week, one of them (maybe both?) will be but a spectre as far as Tayshia’s concerned since she promised to send one of them home before the end of the episode. In the meantime, let’s dig into our fourth week AC (after Clare).

First we had a bit of fluff with previous Bachelorette JoJo Fletcher (and yes, I agree, her face really did look different) showing up to supposedly offer Tayshia moral support, but really to fill in as dispenser of date cards for host Chris Harrison while he took his son to college.

Zac got the first one-on-one, which started with a cringey fake wedding photo shoot that had Tayshia remembering the first time she wore a wedding gown, i.e. her failed marriage. But that led to Zac confessing that he’d been married before, too, which was cool with Tayshia.

There was a lot more to Zac’s story, as Tayshia found out at dinner: a brain tumour at 23; a marriage that lasted only a year because of his drinking and drug-taking; a DUI arrest; stealing from his own father; two rehab stints, the second of which was the charm.

Woah! Talk about a change from the usual vapid getting-to-know-you talk.

It turned Zac into a contender, which is fine, but it’s getting kind of crowded in the “men Tayshia could end up with” corner, which also includes, by her own admission, Brendan, Ben, Ivan, possibly Riley.

Mind you, she did thin the herd during the second one-on-one date.

Tayshia and Eazy on a previous episode of “The Bachelorette.”

Tayshia and Eazy went ghost-hunting since La Quinta is supposedly occupied by the spirits of an oil baron who formerly owned the land, and his wife and baby, who both died after childbirth. The hunt involved walking into a couple of rooms that Tayshia said were freezing cold, hearing sounds and seeing things move (a chair in one case, a framed photo in another), then running away screaming. Ghosts? More likely producers with strings.

It was a fun date, in any event, or at least it was until dinner came around. Eazy said he was falling in love with Tayshia and it was clear from the startled look on her face this wasn’t going to end well.

Tayshia did the old “pick up the rose, then say you can’t have it” fake-out, although she did seem genuinely sorry to hurt Eazy’s feelings. “I’m not there where you are and I don’t know if I can get there,” she said.

Eazy was so stunned he asked, “Tayshia, this is real? You sure?” as she walked him to the waiting SUV.

The most substantial part of the episode came during the group date. It started out frivolously enough with Spencer, Ivan, Ed, Blake, Brendan, Riley, Demar, Bennett, Ben and Noah walking into a room where two naked people were posing and immediately fearing they’d have to take their clothes off . . . again.

But it was just a life-drawing session followed by blindfolded sculpting. “Fifty Shades of Clay,” quipped Bennett after he took advantage of the blindfolds to smooch Tayshia when no one else could see. Spencer sculpted a pepperoni pizza; Ben crafted an infinity symbol; Blake made a penis: way to rep Canada, dude!

Bennett made “homes” for himself and Tayshia in New York, the Hamptons and California, omitting the “mountain retreat” and the “chateau in Paris.” I believe that’s what one calls “flaunting your wealth” — although personally I’m surprised he didn’t build a scale model of Harvard.

But the silliness ended with the self-portrait part of the challenge, the goal of which was that whoever “opened up” the most would win extra time with Tayshia.

Blake talked about growing up in a “pretty failed household” and wanting a “true original family that I just never had”; Riley talked about his estrangement from his mother after his parents’ divorce; Ivan shared his fear that his father, who’d already had cancer twice and a heart attack, was going to die; Ben let his guard down by taking all his clothes off, which at first seemed like a gimmick, until later when he told Tayshia he had suffered from an eating disorder for 15 years.

Tayshia was so moved by the stories she went backstage to cry and then announced she couldn’t choose just one person to get extra time, which was the right thing to do.

Tayshia with Noah on a previous “Bachelorette” episode.

Ben got the date rose, deservedly so. But then things went from the sublime to the ridiculous with the sniping between Bennett and Noah.

I haven’t been Noah’s biggest fan, but holy hell, is Bennett ever condescending! “Young Noah” blah blah blah “I’m not on ‘The Babysitter,’ I’m on ‘The Bachelorette’ blah blah blah . . . completely ignoring the fact that the insults make Bennett seem more immature than he’s accusing Noah of being.

Tayshia called them both on the nonsense. They were summoned to an instant two-on-one to take place before the cocktail party before the rose ceremony.

Bennett claimed to wanted to make peace with Noah, so he brought him a present. It consisted of a bandana in homage to conversations they’d had about their fondnesses for ranching and cowboying (nice); a pair of moustache socks because “the only place you should wear a moustache is on your feet” (not so nice); and a book about emotional intelligence because Bennett said Noah was deficient in that (nasty).

Bennett reverted to telling Noah he had zero chance of ending up with Tayshia. Truthfully, both of them have zero chance of ending up with Tayshia; it’s just a question of who finds that out soonest.

It wasn’t looking so good for Bennett when the episode ended with a “To be continued.” He repeated his comment about Noah’s zero chance in front of Tayshia, which she said was “essentially questioning my integrity,” and then she asked, “What’s in the box?”

Next week, besides settling Noah vs. Bennett and presumably having a rose ceremony, there will be tears for Zac and Riley, and jitters for Brendan.

“The Bachelorette” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? You can comment here (no spam please) or come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

The talk gets real, the orgasms are fake on ‘The Bachelorette’

November 25, 2020 /
Harvard grad Bennett “proposes” to Tayshia Adams on “The Bachelorette.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Fake orgasms that would do Meg Ryan proud; not one but two men sneaking around to visit Tayshia (and, um, Chris Harrison); a pillow fight and a game of Twister; and even a serious conversation about Black Lives Matter — there was a lot going on in Tuesday’s episode of “The Bachelorette,” like. A. Lot.

At times it was almost as if other reality shows had insinuated themselves into the proceedings. The group date contestants drinking smoothies with disgusting lists of ingredients like chicken feet and cow intestines made me think a bit of “Survivor.” When Ben and Ed both set off to visit Tayshia in her suite, it was like watching two teams head for the Pit Stop at the end of an “Amazing Race” episode, not knowing which would get there first.

And when Ed got lost and ended up in host Chris Harrison’s suite instead it was the best thing ever.

Whether or not Tayshia Adams is further along in her quest to get hitched, we viewers are further along in our journey to fall in love with the show again after the season’s weird and frustrating start.

We ended the night with a classic bit of franchise drama when Noah claimed the other men were questioning Tayshia’s integrity, which got Tayshia so riled up she gave them a dressing down and cancelled the rest of the cocktail party, which then led to even more shade being thrown at Noah. Good times.

It all started off innocently enough. Eight of the 16 men who were left had to write and perform love songs for Tayshia. None of them could sing — or rap, for that matter.

Bennett worked his Harvard degree into his verses, of course; Blake played, and I use that word loosely, an accordion and a mandolin; Demar whipped up a little ditty he called “Mocha Latte”; but it was Ivan who took it home by inviting Tayshia up on the makeshift stage for his sentimental “rap.”

Ivan and Tayshia at last week’s “grown man challenge.” This week, he got to jump on her actual bed.

Ivan won the prize, a night in Tayshia’s suite, and it was the most pandemic-friendly date we’ve seen all season. Tayshia wore sweatpants; they ordered in room service; they played “the floor is lava” and Twister and went barefoot lawn bowling and had a pillow fight.

Things got serious when Ivan and Tayshia started talking about their families. He revealed, tears running down his cheeks, that his younger brother had spent four years in jail and gone through “some really dark times,” including getting beaten up by prison guards.

“Especially with George Floyd and that’s police brutality, and that’s something that really hit home for me,” Ivan said, referring to the Black man killed by a white police officer in Minneapolis in May, whose death kicked off worldwide Black Lives Matter protests.

Tayshia got so emotional thinking about the subject she couldn’t speak.

“I don’t know why it does so much but it’s like, it hurts a lot,” she said when she regained her voice.

They also talked about what it was like to grow up being mixed race, surrounded by people who didn’t look like them, and how inspirational it was to see so many people come together for the Black Lives Matter movement.

“We’re both biracial, have Black dads and have this beautiful love story developing. This is so big,” Ivan said.

It was no wonder that by the end of the date Tayshia described Ivan as really special. “He understands me more than anybody else can.”

It was a rare, refreshing dose of reality, as opposed to reality TV.

But then a new day dawned and a new group date, and it was back to silliness.

Becca Kufrin and Sydney Lotuaco help Tayshia out with her group date.

Six of the men played “Tayshia’s Truth or Dare” overseen by her friends, former “Bachelorette” Becca Kufrin and former “Bachelor” contestant Sydney Lotuaco.

The first part of it was all dares: chugging the aforementioned gross smoothies; interrupting Harrison at his lunch of crab legs and Veuve Clicquot to get him to sign their butt cheeks; eating habanero peppers and “proposing” to Tayshia, but the best — or worst, depending on your point of view — was faking orgasms over a loudspeaker so the rest of the resort could hear.

Think Meg Ryan from “When Harry Met Sally,” but louder and lewder. “I would direct him to the ER if I heard that,” quipped Becca after Kenny’s turn, which included the well known erotic phrase “Back up, back up.”

“Wow, he’s flexible, he’s bendy,” Becca said after Blake threw his leg up on a dais in the throes of fake passion.

Bennett, whom I’ve regarded as mainly comic relief up to this point, got carried away with the faux proposal. “Today was incredibly real in my mind and in my heart,” he said. “It’s the most exhilarating thing I’ve ever been a part of.”

Tayshia and Zac hang out on a previous date; hot tub not included.

Tayshia seemed to get closer to all six men, including Riley and Demar, on the evening or “truth” part of the date, but none more so than Zac, if by getting closer you mean making out in a hot tub. Zac got the date rose.

And then it was time for Ben and Ed’s Excellent Adventure.

You’ll recall that on last week‘s group date, the one that Noah crashed, Ben didn’t get to talk to Tayshia because he waited too long and ran out of time. Still brooding over that — and with Harrison’s advice that “Tayshia likes bold” to guide him — Ben went on a “secret mission” to Tayshia’s room.

And wouldn’t you know that Ed had the same bright idea, so we saw them both skulking through the resort on their way to Tayshia’s suite. It looked like Ed had beat Ben there; he knocked on the door, it opened . . . and there was Harrison in a sweatsuit saying, “It’s 2:30 in the morning. What are you doing?”

What Ed was doing was drinking red wine with Chris while Ben kissed and made up with Tayshia. Harrison eventually sent Ed on his way with directions. There was a knock on Tayshia’s door mid-smooch with Ben. Was it Ed? Nope, just a guy delivering champagne and strawberries. Ed never did find Tayshia’s suite, but he wasn’t too upset about it, describing his chat with Chris as “a great consolation.”

Noah with Tayshia when he still had what Bennett called “that terrible skidmark above his lip.”

By the time rose ceremony day rolled around, Ed was back to doing what he does best: complaining about other guys. This time it was Noah, whom Ed said was “a joke” and not there for the right reasons, blah, blah, blah. Bennett said Noah was too “juvenile” to end up with Tayshia.

That set the stage for Noah to whine to Tayshia about the heat he was getting from the other men over his fence-jumping, group date-crashing, moustache-shaving behaviour. “It’s been implied you gave me the rose just to shake things up,” Noah said, which was basically like waving a red flag in front of a bull.

To Tayshia, it went from the men taunting Noah because they think he’s a jerk — which seems pretty accurate — to the men questioning her integrity. She marched them all into a room and told them, “If you guys think that I’m just trying to start drama in the house for no reason, simply because I have a connection with some people, y’all need to grow up. If you’re gonna be questioning me, like, I’ll gladly walk you outside.” And that was the end of the cocktail party.

Noah fessed up that he was the reason for Tayshia’s bad mood and guess what? That just annoyed the other guys even more. “You ruined Tayshia’s night for your own glory,” Bennett said. More likely, he had some coaching from a helpful producer.

When rose time came, Ben, Eazy, Riley, Brendan, Bennett, Blake, Demar and Spencer all got roses along with Ed, leaving Kenny, Chasen, Jordan and Joe out in the cold.

Why did Tayshia give Ed a rose over nice, non-drama-causing Joe? No offence to her integrity, but I think I just answered my own question.

Next week, the animosity between Bennett and Noah ramps up, and Tayshia is not impressed.

“The Bachelorette” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? Come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Two men plus one stupid beef equals Bachelorette drama

November 18, 2020 /
Ed, Joe, Eazy, Brendan and Tayshia on a “Bachelorette” wrestling date. ALL PHOTOS: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Among the things we learned on Tuesday’s episode of “The Bachelorette”: numeracy and literacy standards appear to be slipping among the contestants.

At this point, somebody should be demanding contestant Bennett’s Harvard transcripts because, for all the boasting he continues to do about attending that prestigious university, he got both the math questions wrong during a group date challenge — and I’m not talking tough stuff like calculus or differential equations, just basic addition and subtraction. Oh, and he can’t spell “limousine.”

And then we have Chasen and his limited vocabulary: the two words he used over and over again were “smokeshow” (which can also be spelled as two words) and “Wolverine”: as in “Tayshia is a smokeshow” and “I’m bringing out my inner Wolverine.”

A more accurate word for what was going on with Chasen would be “shitshow” as in “This constant bickering between Chasen and Ed is a shitshow.”

If you were worried that this quarantine season of “The Bachelorette” — already turned upside down by Clare Crawley’s brief reign before Tayshia Adams took over — wouldn’t get back to normal, relax. It doesn’t get more normal than a couple of guys arguing about which of them is there for the right reasons and both of them getting roses and both of them going on a group date that involves intense physical competition in the hope there will be violence.

Oh sure, Tayshia is looking for a “grown ass man,” but the series continues to revel in toxic masculinity.

The episode’s first group date was literally called the “grown man challenge” and it was presided over by married “Bachelor in Paradise” couple Ashley Iaconetti and Jared Haibon. (Was there a whole shadow cast of “Bachelor” favourites quarantining at La Quinta? Or did they just give them COVID tests and parachute them in? What’s a swab up the nose when you’ve got reality TV fame to maintain?)

Besides the math and spelling questions, the men had to pair off in tugs-of-war and make Tayshia breakfast in bed. Tayshia was alone in bed until Bennett, wearing a bathrobe (what? no cosmetic mask?), crawled in with her and hand-fed her doughnuts, so he won the “grown ass man award,” despite his atrocious spelling and math, and the fact he bowed out of the tug-of-war because of an “old football knee injury.”

Bennett might not be able to add, but his “bougie” ways won over Tayshia on a group date.

Ed was named the “man child” and had to carry around a baby doll, which he named Carlos.

Initially, it looked like the beefing was going to be between Chasen and Bennett. Chasen said Bennett was “classless” for laying a smooch on Tayshia in front of the other men after he won the challenge. And when Bennett tried to talk to Tayshia first during the group date cocktail party, Chasen cut in. But then Ed started blabbing to Bennett about how he didn’t think Chasen was that into Tayshia; Bennett repeated it to Chasen and we were off to the races.

I won’t bore you with the whole he said, he said. Apparently Chasen used the same adjectives to describe both Clare and Tayshia and, golly, if that’s not evidence of fakeness I don’t know what is.

Chasen’s response, besides insulting Ed’s “chicken legs,” was to threaten to bring out his inner Wolverine (as in the Marvel character with the really big claws) and to get in Ed’s face because didn’t he know that when Tayshia showed up Chasen “pivoted”?

Besides, Chasen came up with a new word for Tayshia after he was challenged by Ed: “smokeshow,” which, as Bennett pointed out, is a noun, not an adjective.

If I was Tayshia I would have sent both Ed and Chasen home — I mean, Chasen’s 31 and says he’s never been in love; I’d be red-flagging the hell out of that — but that is not the “Bachelorette” way, so they got the final two of the 13 roses she handed out at the rose ceremony. (Counting the roses given to Brendan and Spencer last week and the one to Ivan on the group date, that leaves her with 16 men.)

A new day at La Quinta meant a new chance to stoke the antagonism between Chasen and Ed, so they both got sent on a group date (along with Eazy, Brendan, Joe, Jordan, Spencer and Ben) that involved wrestling.

There were a couple of minor boo-boos — a scraped knee for Jordan, a cut foot for Ben — but the main event was going to be Chasen and Ed kicking each other’s asses until . . . Ed bowed out because of chronically dislocated shoulders? Funny he didn’t mention that when everyone was training with WWE hall of famer Amy Dumas and UFC champ Tatiana Suarez.

Noah, and his moustache, answers the call and wrestles with Chasen.

So host Chris Harrison, who was MCing the so-called “Bachelorette Wrestlemania” with “Bachelorette” and “Bachelor in Paradise” alum Wells Adams, asked if anybody else wanted to fight Chasen. And Noah, who was there as a spectator with all the other guys who weren’t on the date, jumped over a fence into the ring and took Chasen on in his jeans. I guess we’re supposed to believe that was all Noah’s idea. I am highly skeptical.

Anyway, Noah lost the match but won an invitation to the cocktail party from Tayshia, which pissed off the eight guys who were officially on the group date. Not just that, Noah scored the first alone time with Tayshia and then he double dipped! And because Tayshia approved of Noah’s fence-jumping, and also because he allowed her to shave off his cheesy moustache (good riddance) and she really, really liked kissing his newly smooth face, Tayshia gave Noah the date rose.

It was especially irksome for Ben, who plotted to be the last one to speak to Tayshia before she gave away the rose but ran out of time.

Noah lost some ugly facial hair, but he gained a a nice big target on his back.

Next week, look for Tayshia to get smoochy with Bennett, Ben, Ivan and Zac, and for tension to brew between Bennett, Noah and — surprise, surprise — Ed. And then Tayshia lays down the law: “If you guys are trying to start drama in the house for no reason I’ll gladly walk you outside.”

I think that’s what you call a grown ass woman.

“The Bachelorette” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? Come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Bachelorette Tayshia gets some W’s. Spencer isn’t one of them

November 11, 2020 /
Tayshia Adams has her first group date on “The Bachelorette.” ALL PHOTOS: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Clare who?

Tayshia Adams began her reign Tuesday as the ABC franchise’s 17th Bachelorette — or should that be 16A? — and she was off to a generally stellar beginning.

If I can borrow a phrase from the man who has rocketed to the top of my villain list, Tayshia scored some “W’s.”

Except for one fellow — more on him later — the men left behind when Clare Crawley abruptly departed with new fiance Dale Moss were eager to switch their romantic aspirations to Tayshia and why wouldn’t they be? She came in like a ray of sunshine, announcing, “I’m Tayshia and I’m here for all of you.”

And damned if she didn’t back up those words with actions. When four new guys (who were reportedly alternates from Clare’s original group) were parachuted in — a nasty little trick by the producers to stir up crap with the 16 Clare castoffs — Tayshia cancelled the rose ceremony rather than make the original dudes feel worse by sending some of them home right away.

She seemed genuinely keen to learn as much as she could about as many of the men as she could. She even got me to look twice at a couple of guys who had flown completely under my radar, Zac and Brendan. And instead of making the losers in a group date competition forfeit any additional time with her, as usually happens, she let them return for the after-party.

So yes, Tayshia seems like an all-around class act, except . . . can we talk about the first impression rose recipient?

Tayshia Adams hands over the first impression rose to Spencer Robertson. Ugh.

She gave it to one of the new guys, Spencer, a 30-year-old water treatment engineer from San Diego.

My first impression? He’s a tool, a pretty tool perhaps (Tayshia described him as “hot, hot, hot, hot”), but a tool nonetheless.

After meeting Tayshia, Spencer greeted the 16 OGs, already rattled that a limo with who knows how many extra men had just pulled up, by asking, “So which one of you guys scared away Clare?” Ballsy maybe, also kind of a dick move.

Another red flag? His aggression during the group date splash ball game. It wasn’t Luke Parker body-slamming Luke Stone level physicality, but it exposed a certain preoccupation with winning — and cost him a bloody lip when Riley elbowed Spencer to get him off his back, connecting with Spencer’s mouth.

Spencer seemed nonplussed about the injury, although he managed to milk it for attention from Tayshia. After his team won the game, he said he was looking forward to more victories, particularly the group date rose, “the ultimate W.”

“I have a good reading on Tayshia, I’m feeling pretty confident in myself and I’ve got this in the bag,” Spencer declared, this after telling the other men that Tayshia was “the primary objective.”

Maybe it’s just Spencer getting the villain edit, but his comments were real clangers compared to the words of, say, Eazy, who talked about Tayshia making him feel smiley and giddy.

And no, Spencer didn’t get the “W.” The date rose went to Eazy, thank goodness.

In between the group date and Tayshia’s one-on-one with Brendan, there was a man overboard.

Jason confessed that he still had feelings for Clare and had to leave. And before you scoff, just remember that Dale ended up engaged to Clare after just two weeks, so who are we to say that Jason’s therapy one-on-one wasn’t a game-changer for him?

Tayshia was a bit less gracious about Jason’s departure than I would have expected, telling him she was sad that he was making one of her fears come true: that some of the guys would still be hung up on Clare. Given the rave reviews Tayshia had been getting up to that point it seemed like a pretty groundless fear — or perhaps just a little made-for-TV drama.

Brendan Morais, a potential front-runner after Tuesday, with Tayshia.

Tayshia’s spirits were restored by her one-on-one with Brendan, who told her she was more his type than Clare “in every single way.”

The limitations of being confined to La Quinta Resort for dates were comically exemplified by host Chris Harrison using a scooter to constantly intercept Tayshia and Brendan as they rode horses around the grounds, offering them margaritas, ice cream and coconut water. All Brendan wanted to do was kiss Tayshia, so he wasn’t digging the interruptions. He finally got his chance when he and Tayshia ditched the horses for a dip in the pool. Luckily, Harrison didn’t pop up like a Loch Ness TV host or something.

At dinner, Brendan and Tayshia bonded over the fact they had both married young and then divorced. Brendan explained that he’d fallen out of love with his high school sweetheart, particularly after learning she didn’t want children. Tayshia, whose college sweetheart spouse had cheated on her, was down with having kids; in fact, she said she wants five (!).

“I think I could marry him,” said Tayshia of Brendan. They ended the date with some very smoochy fireworks viewing.

That’s as far as we got in Tayshia’s “journey” since a chunk of the episode was eaten up by a Clare and Dale “tell-all.”

Clare Crawley and Dale Moss returned to La Quinta to talk to Chris Harrison.

What did they tell? Nothing particularly new or startling. They were still in love, still engaged. Clare cried — I know, shocker — talking about her late father and how he would be “so over the moon for me.” Asked by Harrison what’s next, Clare yelled, “Babies!” while Dale said they’d get married first, although I wouldn’t try to get between a 39-year-old woman and her biological clock if I was him.

The main point of the exercise seemed to be a chance for Harrison to confront the pair about whether they had communicated before they met on the show — because apparently it’s difficult for people to grasp the whole love at first sight thing.

Clare repeated what she’d already said: that she followed Dale on social media (along with some of the other men) and liked what she saw, but they never spoke, texted or otherwise made any contact, “on my dad’s grave.” Dale said the same. So yeah, I think that’s a no.

“I just wish people could be happy for me,” said Clare.

“Whether it took one day or 10 days, or two weeks or two years, this man makes me happy.”

Works for me.

Next week, it looks like the toxic masculinity is getting dialled up. There’s a wrestling date, there are medics called, new guy Noah does something that pisses everybody off, and Chasen and Ed get surly with each other. Oh and Wells Adams makes a guest appearance, but I’m not calling him toxic.

“The Bachelorette” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? Come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Bachelorette No. 1 gets her man. No. 2? To be continued

November 6, 2020 /
Clare Crawley and Dale Moss had their first one-on-one and their fantasy suite date
all in one on “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

I can’t be mad at Clare Crawley for blowing up “The Bachelorette.”

Let’s be honest, how many more dates between her and men not named Dale did you really want to sit through, especially with everybody stuck in the bubble at La Quinta Resort? I hate to say it, but I miss helicopters and hot tubs in the middle of nowhere.

And yes, I know that new Bachelorette Tayshia Adams still has her own “journey” to go through, but at least she’s starting with 16 men, not 30 or more. She’ll have them whittled down in no time . . . er, well, she won’t be as quick as Clare.

Yes, Clare, the oldest Bachelorette in franchise history, turned out to be the speediest too. In just four episodes she went from Night 1 “I think my husband’s in this room” boilerplate to a proposal from the man of her dreams. Dale Moss, the former pro football player who had her in a tizzy straight out of the limo, put a ring on it in Thursday’s episode and, as far as I know right now, they’re still engaged.

When we all congratulated ABC on installing a more mature woman as the star of the franchise, obviously none of us expected this outcome, but Clare’s maturity had a lot to do with it (and to be clear, I’m not saying that 39 is old). When you get to a certain age, when you’ve had enough crappy experiences in your love life and you meet someone who ticks all the boxes, you’re not playing; you want to get on with it.

So Clare got on with it.

After last week‘s group date in which Clare declined to give anyone a rose, host Chris Harrison showed up at her door for a “we need to talk” chat. “The path we’re on right now, we can’t continue,” he said.

Clare admitted she’d been creeping Dale’s social media after filming first shut down due to COVID-19, although she swore on her father’s grave there had been no contact. But she learned that she and Dale had things in common: the loss of a beloved parent (her dad, his mom), a family member in a care facility (his sister, her mother). “I feel like Dale is my match,” Clare told Harrison.

“You spent your whole life looking for someone that’ll remind you of your dad. Is Dale that man?” Harrison asked.

“I think he is,” Clare said, tearing up. Even Harrison had to wipe his eyes.

“Congratulations, you’ve just blown up ‘The Bachelorette,'” he said.

It was a little more complicated than that, of course. First Clare had to find out whether Dale felt the same way she did. That night, in place of the cocktail party and rose ceremony the other men had been expecting, Dale and Clare had their first one-on-one date.

I won’t repeat the whole conversation — although I thought it was kind of cool that they both shared stories about their fathers having to hitchhike to go see their mothers when they met them — the bottom line was that they admitted to falling in love with each other.

Bri Stauss and Chris Watson from “The Bachelor Presents: Listen to Your Heart”
serenade Clare and Dale on “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

There was much smooching, some slow dancing to live music (Chris and Bri from “Listen to Your Heart,” yay!) and then they retired to Clare’s suite, a.k.a. the fastest fantasy suite in the history of the franchise.

Chris Harrison wasn’t playing either. Once he had confirmed that all was well in Clare and Dale land, Harrison was resolute: there was going to be a proposal and it was going to be that night.

Skeptical? Hell yeah. I think we all felt how Neil Lane’s face looked when Harrison FaceTimed him and said, “I need to get the ring today.”

The other guys weren’t buying it either when Clare fessed up that she had found the love of her life in Dale. “I’m really nervous for her, I think she’ll get hurt in the end,” said Hamilton, Ontario wildlife manager Blake Moynes — who was also annoyed that he bought a book on dementia and Alzheimer’s so he could talk to Clare about her mom and it was all for naught.

But seriously, it did seem crazy to think that Dale was really going to propose. Even Clare seemed doubtful. And as she stood on a terrace in a long white dress waiting for Dale to arrive, Harrison walked over with a concerned look on his face and said, “There’s something I need to tell you.” Oh no.

Cut to Blake and Kenny hanging by the pool, speculating that Dale wasn’t ready to get engaged. Then back to Harrison: “I just want to say, we are so proud of you.”

Meanest fakeout or what?

I’m sure Clare forgave him, because Dale did it: he got down on one knee, he asked Clare to marry him, he put the ring on her finger. I don’t know if it will last, but it’s been a crap year and a particularly shitty week, so hell yeah, I’ll take a happy ending.

“I’ve waited a lot of years for this,” she said — which if you’ll permit me one quibble, makes me wonder what we watched when Quebec’s Benoit Beausejour-Savard get down on one knee during a “Bachelor Winter Games” tell-all special, but never mind. Clare and Dale were happy; the other 16 guys not so happy, particularly after Harrison came to tell them that Clare and Dale had left the resort as an engaged couple.

But wait, there’s more: they could go home and lick their wounds (although with the possible exception of Jason, who really seemed to bond with Clare on their one-on-one, how invested could these guys have been after just a couple of weeks?) or they could put on their suits and prepare to continue their “journey.” And they had just hours to make up their minds.

Despite the grumbling from fellows like Blake and Riley about how into Clare they had been, all 16 guys made their way to the party room, even Jason, to meet “your new Bachelorette.”

Ta da, it’s finally been confirmed: Tayshia Adams is the replacement Bachelorette.
PHOTO CREDIT: Kwaku Alston/ABC

And yes, the franchise’s worst kept non-secret was finally confirmed when Tayshia Adams stepped out of a limo, looking absolutely gorgeous. After Harrison assured her she wasn’t being punked we saw her head toward the men . . . “to be continued.”

So yep, we’ll have to wait till next week to see who Tayshia sparks with and what the hell Harrison means when he says “Everything is about to change.” And oh yeah, Clare and Dale will be back to “tell all.”

“The Bachelorette” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? Come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

On The Bachelorette, Clare only has eyes — and lips — for Dale

October 28, 2020 /
Yosef Aborady with Clare Crawley on Night 1 of “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

I guess in hindsight we should thank Yosef Aborady for being such a jerk. His tirade against Clare Crawley on “The Bachelorette” was about the only part of the episode that wasn’t about Clare’s obssession with Dale Moss.

Look, I hope Clare and Dale live happily ever after, I really do (and if you’ve been reading my recaps for a while, you know I avoid spoilers on purpose, so I have no idea if they’re still together or not), but I get why the guys not named Dale were so annoyed on Tuesday: we surpassed peak Dale and ran head on into Dale fatigue.

In weeks 1 and 2, Clare at least pretended to be interested in the other men; this week not so much.

She basically scuttled the first group date so she could gab to her friend, former Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas, about Dale. Then, the extended cocktail party she promised the disappointed men turned into an extended makeout session with Dale in Clare’s suite. On the one-on-one date, Clare was so disinterested she couldn’t be bothered to show up for dinner and got host Chris Harrison to send the guy home. And on the second group date, she grilled the men about their resentment of Dale then declined to give anyone a rose.

It looks like next week’s episode, airing Thursday instead of Tuesday because of the U.S. election, is when Clare will blow up “The Bachelorette” and that’s a good thing. Dale seems like a decent fellow (although I’m not convinced he’s as into Clare as she is him), but it’s time to change the channel to something besides “The Dale and Clare Show.”

Which reminds me, Yosef: the single dad decided to give Clare a piece of his mind over last week‘s strip dodgeball date. Not only was it “classless” and “distasteful,” it was an “atrocity,” he declared, which seems like a strong word for a bunch of guys showing their “man goodies,” but OK.

“I expected a lot more from the oldest Bachelorette that’s ever been. I can’t believe that occurred,” scolded Yosef. “You’re not setting the right example for my daughter. ” (Huh? You’re gonna let your 4-year-old daughter watch “The Bachelorette”?)

“I’m ashamed to be associated with you. I can’t believe I sacrificed so much to be here just to watch this distasteful and classless display,” blah, blah, blah.

And then Yosef, who should perhaps reflect on the definition of the word “classless,” told Clare she “sounded a little crazy” on the first group date when she chided the men for seeming more interested in hanging out with each other than with her. Oh boy.

Clare tried to interject and Yosef tried to talk over her: “Do not interrupt me … I’m not done yet.”

Oh, but he was.

“Do not ever talk to me like that,” said a furious Clare. “I never thought I would have to tell any man (other than Juan Pablo Galavis) I would never want them being the father of my child and I stand by that. I would never want my children having a father like you. Get out of here.”

Yosef went but not quietly. “I expected more from the oldest Bachelorette in history. Remember you’re almost 40,” he sniped as he walked away.

Perhaps Yosef should remember that he’s the father of a little girl and he just set the example of being completely disrespectful to a woman. I get it, the strip dodgeball was kind of skeevy, but the way he expressed his opinion about it was condescending and misogynistic, so good riddance to Yosef.

The encounter left Clare in tears and it was Dale to the rescue. He hugged and comforted her, told her he was sorry, that she didn’t deserve Yosef’s abuse, that Yosef was lying when he said the other men were trying to appease her. “I’m here to please you, how about that?”

Mission accomplished. “It’s not even the second rose ceremony yet and I’m so falling in love with Dale,” Clare said.

Anyway, Clare told Harrison she was too rattled to salvage the rest of the cocktail party and went straight to the rose ceremony, handing out another 14 (on top of the four we saw her give out last week).

For the remaining men, the botched evening was a sign of things to come.

I have no idea why DeAnna Pappas showed up in Clare’s suite the next day. Weren’t they all in a bubble? Did DeAnna really get multiple COVID-19 tests and quarantine for days just so she could listen to Clare gush about Dale and smell a pair of Dale’s pants? Yes, seriously, Clare and DeAnna both smelled a pair of Dale’s trousers that Clare kept after he ripped them on a group date.

The upshot was that Dale, Chasen, Jason, Jay, Eazy, Ed, Blake and Riley were kept waiting for hours for their date to begin, then Clare breezed in and told them they’d have a “really long cocktail party” that night instead. They didn’t realize the “really long” part referred to the time that Clare and Dale spent making out on her bed after he told the other men he wanted just five minutes with her. Who knows how long they would have stayed in there and what they would have got up to if Eazy hadn’t knocked on Clare’s door.

And then, with Clare being told by the producers she had to hurry her time with the rest of the men, Dale went back for seconds, interrupting Jay. Dale and Clare were up against a wall smooching and getting a little handsy when Chasen walked in.

The other guys were understandably pissed, especially after Dale got the date rose and tried to justify it by saying he was the “best man suited,” whatever that means.

Clare, admitting in her confessional she’d had to restrain herself from having sex with Dale the night before, went off for a one-on-one with Zach J. and, man, was it awkward. The couples pedicure was a bust and it was all downhill from there. After a swim, Clare leaned in for a kiss, but Zach didn’t meet her halfway, so Clare pulled back and then Zach made everything worse by grabbing Clare by the neck, twice, and trying to force a kiss on her. Clare said that made her feel “extremely uncomfortable” — gee, I can’t imagine why — so uncomfortable that she didn’t show up for dinner and it was up to Harrison to tell Zach he was going home.

Clare gets her turn at the Bachelorette Roast alongside Brendan, Joe, Bennett, Zac C, Demar, Ivan, Kenny, Jordan C and Ben. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

And then came the second group date, a roast presided over by comedian Margaret Cho. The guys all claimed to be sick of Dale, who was in the audience, but they made him the main target of their jokes. Did they really think that ridiculing him would change Clare’s mind? If so, I’ll just echo what Clare said: “Are you new here?”

Instead, the roast made Clare feel defensive about Dale and so later, as she chatted with Bennett and Brendan and Ben and Demar and Jordan and Joe and Ivan and Zac and Kenny, she asked each of them to explain why they made fun of Dale. She declined to give any of them a rose, declaring, “I did not get what I needed with you guys.”

That set the stage for next week’s big bang and for Tayshia Adams to take Clare’s spot as Bachelorette. There will be anger, there will be tears, there will be drama with a capital D.

I’m not certain if Citytv is airing it Nov. 5 or not, but it will definitely be on ABC at 8 p.m.

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On a quarantine ‘Bachelorette’ Clare Crawley’s already smitten

October 14, 2020 /
Clare Crawley waits to meet the men on Night 1 of “The Bachelorette.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Welcome to the Bachelorette Bubble where you’ll get a swab up your nose and, if you’re lucky, a rose on your lapel.

Or is that unlucky — considering that any man not named Dale Moss appears to have zero chance with the oldest Bachelorette in franchise history (and yes, apparently we have to be reminded of that over and over and over again).

One thing that producers couldn’t keep quarantined at La Quinta Resort in California were all the stories about Clare Crawley walking out partway through the season to get with Dale, with “Bachelor” and “Bachelor in Paradise” fave Tayshia Adams replacing her as Bachelorette.

No, ABC hasn’t admitted that’s what’s going to happen — and if you thought they would on Night 1, what are you, new? — but it certainly was strongly hinted at in the promos.

And don’t forget Clare’s reaction after she first met Dale, a 31-year-old former pro football player. Seeming shaken, puffing out her breath after Dale left her to go inside, she said, “I definitely  feel like I just met my husband” — a pronouncement startling enough to bring host Chris Harrison over from wherever he hangs out as the limos empty of men to tell Clare that no one had ever said that at this stage before. But hey, here comes another limo, so snap out of it.

Clare Crawley with Dale Moss on Night 1 of “The Bachelorette,” the man she pegged
as her future husband. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Clare did her duty, chatting with as many of the men as she could manage before handing out 23 roses.

An early theme of the proceedings seemed to be congratulating Clare for being 39 years old — gasp — and still trying to bag herself a man instead of, you know, admitting her old maidenhood and retreating to a solitary life with her two dogs.

In the video call in which Harrison told Clare she’d been chosen as the Bachelorette he said that since she hadn’t given up on herself, “we feel it would be appropriate if we didn’t give up on you.”

Um, you don’t say.

We were reminded of Clare’s Bachelor history, including being runner-up on Juan Pablo Galavis’ season (ick) and a couple of unsuccessful forays on “Bachelor in Paradise.” Curiously, “Bachelor Winter Games,” after which she actually ended up engaged, however briefly, to Canadian food dude Benoit Beausejour-Savard, got left out entirely. Is that because Clare doesn’t consider Benoit one of the “jerks” from her past?

In a conversation in which Harrison dutifully pushed Clare’s buttons, getting her teary-eyed talking about her late father, Clare declared, “I’m here and I haven’t given up on love and I never will. Just by showing up it shows I still want it and I still deserve it,” as if that was actually a question.

It was time to bring on the 31 men. Instead of the usual “getting to know you” packages filmed in some of the standouts’ hometowns, we got footage of them in quarantine at La Quinta, some of it self-taped. Think solo chess games, jumping on the bed, bubble baths and masks, both the coronavirus and cosmetic kind (well, OK, only one guy applied a cosmetic mask). And I don’t know about you, but seeing those big guys’ eyes water after their COVID-19 tests (they had to take more than one to be cleared to meet Clare) made me hope I never have to take one myself.

I won’t bore you with all the men’s names because, let’s be honest, you’ll have forgotten most of them by the time the season ends.

Besides Dale, one of the interesting ones was Blake Moynes, a 29-year-old wildlife manager from Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. He broke the show’s rules (which is funny because rules get broken all the time if it adds to the drama) by contacting Clare during the quarantine. “It meant everything to me,” said Clare, tearing up, adding that she was struggling because her mother, who’s in a care home with Alzheimer’s, had just fallen and broken her nose.

Clare with Canadian competitor Blake Moynes. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Blake was rewarded with the first kiss (or at least, that’s how it was edited) but then watched in disappointment as Clare spirited away Dale to give him the first impression rose — and an even smoochier kiss.

Speaking of drama, West Virginia lawyer Tyler C. ratted out medical device salesman Yosef Aborady for allegedly creeping on some woman that Tyler knew on Instagram, but Clare believed Yosef when he said there was no substance to the accusation and sent Tyler home.

Clare mediates between Tyler C. and Yosef. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Sounds like Clare might regret that since the word online is that Yosef said some nasty things to her that got him kicked out ahead of a future rose ceremony. We’ll see. To me, the single dad reeked of smarminess and cockiness, which you’d think somebody with all Clare’s experience would suss out right away.

Another potential villain was Bennett, who went to Harvard and said that when you tell people that, it’s described as dropping the “H-bomb.” No, really, he said that. He showed up to meet Clare in a Rolls-Royce and a tux with a white scarf draped around his neck.

Another guy wore a straitjacket, because he’d gone “a little crazy” waiting to meet Clare. There was a knight — in shining armour, get it? Someone wore a fake pregnancy belly in homage to Clare’s “Bachelor” entrance. Someone else wore a T-shirt with a photo of Clare’s dogs, which was good enough to earn a rose without any one-on-one time. There was a dude in a parachute because he’d “fallen” for her and another in a plastic bubble.

I’ll tell you what the men didn’t wear a lot of was ties and socks, lots of fellows baring their ankles. The best dressed had to be sports marketing agent Eazy in his salmon suit, although I couldn’t help but notice when he made his entrance by bursting through a poster that read “Your Future Husband” he seemed to smile at the camera before he smiled at Clare.

Anyway, hold those thoughts. It sounds like in just a few short weeks, the drama is going to be all about Clare blowing up “The Bachelorette,” as Harrison put it. Stay tuned.

“The Bachelorette” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? Come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

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