Tag: The Bachelorette (Page 1 of 3)

The Bachelorette hometown dates go from good to sad to bad

August 23, 2022 / Debra Yeo

Tino Franco’s mother, waiting to shoot down everything Rachel Recchia says on “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos screen grabs

What is real on a reality dating show like “The Bachelorette”?

Was Erich Schwer bringing Gabby Windey home to meet his dying father real?

Was Rachel Recchia crying her eyes out because she sent Tyler Norris home without meeting his family real?

Was Rachel’s discomfort as she got grilled with hostile questions by Tino Franco’s parents real?

All of those moments felt pretty real but, according to Tino’s mom, Sandi, what happens on “The Bachelorette” isn’t real.

Look, I get it: having your son go on a TV show only to come home after six weeks to tell you he’s met the woman he’s going to propose to, it must feel weird and scary.

But asking rude questions, stating your opinions as facts when you don’t really know what the f**k you’re talking about, and being so aggressive you almost make that woman cry . . . well, welcome to the Hometown Hell Hall of Fame, Tino’s parents.

In what’s been a rough season, Monday’s hometowns episode was rough and I don’t just mean around the edges.

It started out encouragingly with lovely dates with Jason (Gabby) and Zach (Rachel), started to slide a little with Johnny (Gabby), who seemed not at all ready to commit, and then just got sad with Tyler and Erich. Then we had the shit show that was Tino’s hometown. We didn’t even get to Aven’s. His gets sandwiched in with “Men Tell All” next week.

But we’re in the home stretch. Just a few more weeks and we’ll know whether the experiment of having two Bachelorettes was a complete failure or whether we’ll even have two Bachelorettes by the end of the season, given the promo. But let’s rewind.

Gabby meets Jason Alabaster’s father on their hometown date.

After a completely unnecessary bit of B-roll of Rachel and Gabby packing on the Good Ship Bachelorette and then telling host Jesse Palmer about their expectations — we’ve got seven dates to get through people, we don’t need this crap! — Gabby got the ball rolling with Jason in New Orleans.

We’ll skip the street musicians on Bourbon Street and throwing beads off a balcony — this isn’t a travelogue — and go straight to Gabby and Jason meeting his dad Michael in a park. He seemed like a warm, decent human being who tearfully described Jason as “a good kid, a good man” and welcomed Gabby with open arms, flowers and beignets. By the time Michael told Jason, “If it’s the real deal I want to be the best man at your wedding,” those beignets were getting a little soggy.

The love-a-palooza and tears-a-palooza continued at Jason’s mom’s house (she and his dad are separated) where sister Kelsey and Gabby got on like a house on fire, and mom Karen said Gabby and Jason were “really, really cute” together.

But Jason confessed to Karen that he wasn’t ready to get engaged and she tearfully warned him not to lose a good thing because “you’re so distracted by everything around you,” i.e. the cameras, the other men, etc.

After the date, Gabby said she was falling in love with Jason.

How long did Rachel and Zach Smallcross have to kiss until that plane crossed the sky?

Next stop: Anaheim, California, where Zach had a surprise for Rachel: a couch set up on a rooftop where they could watch planes take off and land from the airport — a callback to their first date when they talked about going plane-spotting with their dads as kids. It was perfect.

Zach also gets points for being the only hometown with a famous family member, his uncle, actor Patrick Warburton of “Seinfeld,” “NewsRadio,” “The Tick,” “Rules of Engagement,” “Family Guy” and lots more.

We’ll forgive Zach’s dad, Chapman, for saying that “You go to the most romantic places on Earth and you’ll fall in love with a monkey.” By the end of the visit, he and Zach’s mom, Megan, were ready to welcome Rachel into the family.

Zach told Rachel he was in love with her and she said, in voice-over, that she was falling in love with Zach. Forget Tino, honey: snap up Zach!

Johnny DePhillipo with Gabby. Did we mention he’s “super hot”?

Gabby’s next hometown was Palm Beach, Florida, with Johnny, who she said was “super hot” and . . . um . . . well, a good kisser, I guess.

His dad John and mom Elizabeth were all in on Gabby being with Johnny, if that’s what Johnny wanted — but about that. Johnny told his mom he could see himself falling for Gabby, but he wasn’t ready to get engaged, which might come as news to Gabby. As she and Johnny went for a cruise and a smooch, we heard Gabby saying, “It feels so good and so easy being with someone who I know is ready for the next step.” Uh oh.

Rachel shares some hard truths with Tyler on the Jersey Shore.

When you put the Jersey Shore on reality TV, can you expect anything less than turmoil?

Rachel’s date with Tyler in Wildwood, New Jersey, started out with fun carnival games and rides and fried food and smooches on the boardwalk. But by the time Tyler started introducing Rachel to all his friends inside the Hot Spot Restaurant, the wheels were coming off. Next thing you know she was having a breakdown in the time-honoured refuge of the women’s washroom.

Then came the painful breakup. Rachel couldn’t get a word in edgewise because Tyler kept babbling about how great everything was. She started telling Tyler he was “the most incredible person” — and everyone who’s ever watched the show knows the next words will be a variation on “but you’re not my person.” However, Tyler, oblivious, told Rachel he was in love with her and she was “the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” interjected Rachel.

Shaking and crying, Rachel finally managed to tell Tyler that she couldn’t meet his family because she didn’t know if she could “get there” with him.

Tyler, bless him, comforted Rachel, telling her that he still believed that “love that’s forever is real” and she was going to get it.

Then Tyler had to break the news to his excited family that Rachel wasn’t coming. Harsh.

Look, I know this heartbreak is going to put Tyler in the running for next Bachelor. I’d still like to see it go to Ethan, but maybe Tyler can find a nice girl in Paradise.

Let’s be honest: taking a woman home to your family who you’ve known for mere weeks and been sharing with other men does seem absurd. But the fact that Erich took Gabby to meet his sick father, Allan, who died of cancer in July, belies Tino’s mom’s insistence that “The Bachelorette” isn’t real. Why would Erich put his dad and Gabby through that if he didn’t have real feelings for her?

It was a sombre visit to Bedminster, N.J. Allan was very frail and had obviously been through hell with the disease. Mom Donna was as welcome as you can be when your husband of 35 years is dying in front of you.

“We marry for life,” she told Erich. And to Gabby: “We don’t give up on each other, ever.”

Erich vaulted to the front of Gabby’s pack after the emotional day, with them telling each other later that they were falling in love with each other. But a clip of Erich telling Gabby he can’t handle the woman he’s in love with having sex with other guys suggests a rocky road ahead.

Don’t let the smiles on Sandi, Joe and Mateo fool you; Rachel got a rough ride from the Franco family.

Finally, it was time for the main event in Santa Clarita, Calif., as “The Bachelorette” saved the worst for last.

Even before Rachel and Tino walked into the house, his parents were dismissive of the possibility of them having a real relationship.

When Tino said he was going to propose in two weeks, his dad Joe scoffed, “What are you talking about after two months? We’re gonna have to have a talk.”

Rachel told his mom how much she admired Tino’s positive, giving outlook on life, to which Sandi replied, “If you met him outside of this, this isn’t real.”

“Well, it is,” replied Rachel, but Sandi wasn’t having it, calling the experience an “insulated bubble.”

And sure, it is that, but Sandi wasn’t there for any of it, so what the hell would she know? Unless there’s criminality or abuse involved, you should butt the hell out of your adult children’s love lives.

It went downhill from there. Joe, insultingly, referred to Rachel’s “second go-round” — as if the fact she got dumped by Clayton Echard should preclude her from trying to find love with someone else — and suggested she was out to get engaged at all costs.

“I wouldn’t put him in this position just so I could get married, I’m not that type of person,” Rachel said, but she might as well have been talking to the wall.

“I feel like they hated me,” Rachel fretted to a producer after the talk. Nonetheless, Rachel graciously rose above the rudeness of Tino’s parents and thanked them for asking her hard-hitting questions.

Outside the house, Tino told her his family adored her. And when Rachel told him she did not feel adored, he changed the subject and told her he was falling in love with her.

Giant red flag. Run, Rachel, run! Instead, alas, she told Tino she was falling in love with him too.

So here’s where things stand, with one hometown date still to come. Rachel’s falling for Zach and Tino, both of whom appear ready to get engaged although, as Rachel pointed out, “When you marry someone you marry their family.” I would not want to marry Tino’s family.

Gabby’s falling for Jason and Erich, and can see herself falling in love with Johnny, although only Erich seems proposal-ready and fantasy suites might screw that up.

The promo showed both Gabby and Rachel in tears — what else is new? — and Jesse telling Rachel, “Gabby will not be joining you. You’re gonna be the only Bachelorette here.” We’ll have to wait two weeks to find out what that’s about.

In the meantime, you can watch “Men Tell All” Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, catch me on Twitter or chat on my Facebook page.

Nate gets dumped, Tino’s a big cheese on ‘The Bachelorette’

August 16, 2022 / Debra Yeo

Ethan and Tyler balance wheels of cheese during a group date with Rachel in Amsterdam.
PHOTO CREDIT All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

That stink you’re detecting isn’t the smell of cheese from Rachel’s group date; it’s the stench of this season of “The Bachelorette” being treated like a zero sum game whereby Rachel Recchia and Gabby Windey aren’t allowed to be happy at the same time.

Last week, we got sad Rachel after Logan jumped ship to Gabby’s team. This week, we got sad Gabby after a) she sent Nate home because she wasn’t ready to be a stepmom and b) she had to cancel her group date after-party because Logan . . . wait for it . . . got COVID-19.

Yep, that “there has been a situation with Logan” promo from last week? Manipulative nonsense. And I have so many questions. How did Logan get COVID? How come no one else got it considering we saw him unmasked and less than six feet away from the rest of Gabby’s men in last week’s episode and laying smooches on Gabby? And why did he look so healthy during the day portion of the group date, which involved absolutely ridiculous S&M-tinged shenanigans?

And you’re seriously telling me that after Logan was essentially made the star of last week’s episode he’s just gone with not even so much as an exit interview? Weird.

I missed about the first 10 minutes of this episode due to some technical difficulties with the TV in my B&B (I’m writing this from Stratford, Ontario), but I was able to catch Gabby’s heartrending breakup with Nate.

Obviously this isn’t Nate and Gabby in Amsterdam, but ABC didn’t
provide any photos of them this week and I couldn’t do screen grabs.

And yes, I said heartrending. I read the stuff all over Twitter last week about Nate supposedly dating two women at once and keeping his daughter a secret from one of them, but even if it’s true it doesn’t negate the sadness of his breakup with Gabby.

It seemed obvious from the moment Gabby said she hadn’t figured out yet if she wanted to be a mother that Nate was on the way out. We didn’t need a totally staged conversation between Logan and Johnny back on the Good Ship Bachelorette to hammer the point home.

It’s not exactly rocket science that someone who’s still trying to get over her dysfunctional relationship with her own mother wouldn’t be jonesing to be a parent.

“It’s so cliche, but I’m, like, terrified of not just being a mom but being, like, bad at it,” Gabby told Nate through tears as they sat on a bench in the heart of Amsterdam.

There were tears on both sides and long hugs and kisses goodbye and Nate, despite his frontrunner status, was gone.

Gabby seemed so very sad to lose Nate and Rachel, conversely, seemed so very happy.

She and Zach had a one-on-one, a bucket list date apparently that began with them taking crappy Polaroid photos of each other in a massive field of tulips (sorry, no photos; ABC saw fit to provide photos of Gabby’s S&M date but not Rachel’s picturesque tulip date).

Then she and Zach went bike riding and among the things you can find in the Dutch countryside are cheese, wooden shoes, lemonade and, um, hot tubs.

Also windmills but, unlike Pilot Pete and Hannah Brown, Zach and Rachel didn’t get busy inside one, they just did some smooching in front of it.

There was a lot of smooching on this date.

Zach had some revelations to make at dinner in a gorgeous museum full of old Dutch masters (might have been the Rijksmuseum, but I’m not 100 per cent sure). First, he said he used to be 85 pounds overweight and didn’t love himself so he went to therapy. And Rachel was as thrilled about that as Gabby was upon hearing about Jason’s therapy.

Second, now that Zach felt like a man who deserved love, he knew he was falling in love with Rachel.

Zach’s hometown date rose was never in any doubt, but that revelation sealed the deal.

Cut back to the cruise ship: Gabby was still sad. She tearfully told her remaining men — Johnny, Jason, Erich, Logan and Spencer — about sending Nate home and they all gave her hugs, which was nice of them.

Gabby was still sad about Nate the next morning, but she said her other connections were deepening and she had “a so amazing and so fun” group date planned.

But she didn’t plan it obviously. Nobody but a “Bachelorette” producer would think it would be entertaining — for either the participants or the viewers — to have a leather-clad dominatrix ask the men intrusive sex questions and threaten to whip them if they didn’t answer.

I am not a prude, but it’s nobody’s business but the individual men’s and Gabby’s whether they like giving oral sex (I’m assuming that was the bleeped out bit), how often they masturbate (again, bleeped out, but my assumption) and how many people they’ve had sex with.

Gabby uses a whip on her remaining five men on another stupid group date.

The guys were also forced to strip off their shirts (Johnny at one point stripped to his underwear) so they could be tickled with feathers, whipped, and have whipped cream and even flames applied to their chests.

As Logan said, “I was hoping today would be the deep dive into who we are and what we represent. I’m blindfolded, laying on a shag carpet, waiting for her to rub whipped cream on my nipples.”

And how would any of that help Gabby decide whose hometowns she wanted to visit? It wouldn’t obviously. (Not unless she wanted to analyze why Johnny’s safe word was “pumpkin” and Logan’s was “asbestos.”)

And the fact that Gabby was able to choose three men for hometowns (instead of the usual four) despite not getting to talk to any of them at the cancelled after-party shows the group date was kind of superfluous anyway.

The same applied to Rachel’s group date. Did anybody really think that Ethan was going to get a hometown and that either Tino, Tyler or Aven would not? Of course not, but they went through the motions nonetheless with a trip to a town called “the cheese capital of the world” (no, I did not catch the name).

Eventually, the four guys had to take off their shirts — are you noticing a theme here? — and hold yokes across their shoulders laden with wheels of cheese. They eventually got up to four wheels on each side, which looked really heavy.

Rachel smooches Tino in the “cheese capital of the world.”

Tino won, barely beating out Ethan. Poor Ethan, who had been nibbling cheese despite being lactose intolerant, collapsed on the grass from exhaustion. Tyler had cuts on his hands and wrists, but what hurt the most was having to watch Rachel kiss the victorious Tino.

And let’s be honest, Tino acted like kind of an entitled dick at the after-party. He figured the date rose had his name on it, but Rachel gave it to Tyler, who told her he was falling very, very hard for her.

Tino walked off to complain to a producer that it was “a fucking joke” and was making him second guess everything, which prompted one of the other dudes to call him a “real baby back bitch.”

But at least Tino apologized to Ethan the next day.

Of course, all this talk of Tino feeling blindsided and not knowing if Rachel felt the same as him was bullshit to try to build up suspense for an utterly unsuspenseful rose ceremony. Which is also why Tino’s name was the last to be called for a rose, after Aven’s. But sorry producers, no one seriously thought Rachel was going to dump Tino for Ethan. No offence Ethan.

Likewise, it was obvious that Gabby was giving roses to Erich, Jason and Johnny, and sending Spencer home.

Does that mean Logan would have got a hometown if he had still been around? Guess we’ll never know.

So next week, hometowns and if you believe the promos it looks like rough waters ahead for Rachel and Tino, but you can’t believe everything you see.

You can watch Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, catch me on Twitter or chat on my Facebook page.

Life on ‘The Bachelorette’ is the (arm)pits for Rachel

August 2, 2022 / Debra Yeo

Rachel Recchia with her men, blissfully unaware that Logan Palmer, right, is about to attempt to defect. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

I have somewhat misjudged the “Bachelorette” producers. I said at the start of the season that they were going to shovel shit at both Rachel Recchia and Gabby Windey, our dual Bachelorettes, to make them feel rejected. Turns out the storyline is really about making Rachel seem like the odd woman out.

That was certainly the plot in Week 4. After last week‘s embarrassment of having three men reject her roses, things seemed to be off to a good start for Rachel. She had a great one-on-one date with Tino in Paris. But then, when she and her nine dudes crashed Gabby’s group date, Rachel’s men were more interested in watching the boxing than in her, which sent her into yet another tailspin.

By the end of the episode, Rachel had to dump a guy who preferred the company of his dog to her. And the roller-coaster is about to take another plunge with Logan jonesing to switch back to Team Gabby.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think the plan all along was to get Rachel to quit.

OK, maybe we can’t blame all of this on the producers. But I have no doubt that the cocktail party getting cancelled — again — was a device to prevent Logan from fessing up to Rachel about his feelings for Gabby so the drama could be dragged out for another week.

Here’s all you really need to know: Gabby’s group date involved her men literally fighting to spend time with her; Rachel got to smell her dates’ armpits. Nuff said.

So let’s back it up to the beginning of the episode.

Before Team Rachel and Team Gabby flew from L.A. to France, “leisure executive” Hayden had a revealing conversation with Meatball and some of the other men. He was complaining about being called out by Rachel and Gabby for telling Gabby she was “rough around the edges.”

Hayden’s excuse was that Gabby had used those words about herself and then she and Rachel threw it back in his face. “Well bitch, maybe you shouldn’t use that fucking word to describe yourself then,” he sniped.

Hayden also appeared to use the word bitch — it was bleeped out — about Rachel or Gabby or both, who he said didn’t “hold a candle” to his ex. “I don’t see how any guy in here could be ‘I’m gonna fucking marry these girls.'”

Hold that thought and let’s switch to some positive stuff.

Rachel and Gabby were in Paris, where they met up with Tino and Jason and went off on separate dates. They did some Paris 101 kinds of things: ate crepes (and pretended to make crepes while kissing, in Rachel’s and Tino’s case); tried on berets (Jason and Gabby, who said she looked like “a bald baby” in hers); tasted Champagne; kissed in the rain.

Yes, Rachel and Tino Franco are having dinner in an actual church.

But, whatever, they had fun and then they all met up at a cafe, and Gabby and Rachel pretended to go the washroom so they could compare notes about their dates, which was cute.

Rachel and Tino had dinner in the Cathedrale Americaine de Paris, which is Anglican, so maybe they’re less uptight about people eating and smooching in their churches than Catholics? I don’t know.

The theme of the dinner chat was whether Tino would object to Rachel’s job as a pilot and flight instructor and . . . we’re seriously still having these sorts of conversations?

And the answer was, as long as Rachel was willing to have kids at some point (she was), Tino was totally cool with their spawn having two working parents. He explained that his folks both worked full-time and “there’s always a way to make it work.”

Test passed, rose given, smooches bestowed.

Jason Alabaster and Gabby compare therapy notes.

Gabby’s test for Jason was whether he could open up to her and it didn’t take long, once they settled in for their non-meal, for him to spill about how he was a sensitive dude who took everything personally, but therapy had helped him “have my power again.”

(Although obviously the power needs recharging since when he got to the Bachelor mansion he couldn’t eat or sleep for three days and had a “breakdown.”)

Jason seems a tad, well — there’s no polite way to put this — boring.

But Gabby, who knows from therapy thanks to her estranged mother, was thrilled about his confession. They talked about “inner child work” for crying out loud!

So yes, Jason got a rose and smooches with a view of the Eiffel Tower.

Host Jesse Palmer shows the men their new temporary home in Le Havre, France.

Next up, Gabby’s group date and I should pause to mention that while Jason and Tino wandered around Paris the other men checked into a freakin’ cruise ship in Le Havre, two hours away. Yes, apparently ABC paid for the Virgin Voyages Valiant Lady, which holds 2,770 people, to ferry two women and a dwindling number of men around Europe. One hopes there were other passengers on the 11 decks that Team Gabby and Team Rachel weren’t using.

So the group date was a French boxing competition, which is a type of kickboxing, although the guys just whaled on each other like in a regular boxing match from what I could see.

But the main event for plot purposes was on the sidelines, where Rachel was sitting with Gabby. Her men were on the opposite side of the ring watching the bouts and Rachel was upset that none of them would make eye contact with her, let alone walk over and talk to her.

Kirk lands a punch on Spencer, whom Gabby declared the champion.

A few thoughts: a hectic, noisy environment like the, ahem, “Bachelorette Battle for Love” isn’t an ideal place for a tete-a-tete. How much of Rachel could the men actually see from where they were standing (Logan had to lean over to gawk at Gabby)? And were they told to stand there by producers, the better to stoke Rachel’s insecurities? (I wouldn’t put anything past them.)

Whatever the circumstances, Rachel was in full-on, tearful “I don’t feel like I deserve to be the Bachelorette” mode afterwards, to the point she claimed she felt more wanted by Clayton Echard than any of her current suitors.

She marched into the men’s suite to tell them how hurt and upset she was and not one guy followed her out to try to make amends so, yeah, slow learners.

Contrast that to frontrunner Nate telling Gabby at the match how he missed all the little things about her, like her “cute little head shake” when she starts to talk. Rachel noticed the difference in devotion and viewers were meant to as well.

Nate didn’t get the date rose. That went to Spencer, declared the winner of the battle and gifted a “special dinner” with Gabby. As far as I can tell, their only connection is that Spencer was in the military and Gabby comes from a military family, but good enough.

Poor Rachel. Still smarting from her “rejection” of the night before, she took her dudes to learn about the “art of romance” and it was one of the cringiest dates in franchise history.

First off, their guides, Flora and Boris, “experts in all things romance,” sat on a settee sucking face for a full 33 seconds while the men looked uncomfortably on. In my experience, over the top PDAs are not uncommon for the French, in Paris at least, but yes, awkward.

I can’t imagine, however, what having the guys take off their shirts so Rachel could smell their armpits, blindfolded, had to do with romance.

Between Zach flirting with Rachel by putting her in a choke hold from behind, Meatball crawling across the floor to her like “Little Miss Sunshine” and Hayden French-kissing his own hand, the less said about this date the better. Just try to wipe it from your mind.

Luckily, Tyler wrote Rachel a poem to make amends for the night before so she picked him for alone time.

Tyler told Rachel how, even though his last serious girlfriend dumped him after he’d bought them a house, he was ready to find “unconditional love” again. “That feeling is 10 times better than the pain.”

Tyler Norris won Rachel over with his talk of suffering for love.

And since Rachel seemed like someone who loves “really, really hard,” Tyler was there for her.

Sounds a little masochistic to me, but fine. He got the date rose and Rachel’s fear was behind her. Or was it?

Of course it wasn’t. As Rachel and Gabby happily prepared to enter the cocktail party hand in hand as usual, we heard Logan plotting to express his feelings for Gabby because “the heart wants what it wants” and his didn’t want Rachel.

But before that bomb could go off, we had Hayden to deal with.

His plan to snare an extra week on the cruise ship was to tell Rachel all about his dying dog, Rambo, who had a brain tumour, sharing a book of photos of the poor animal.

Not only did Hayden put the dog through radiation just so he could get an extra six months with his pet, he left the pooch behind to come on “The Bachelorette” and he brought Rambo’s “cancer duck” stuffie with him to show Rachel. Who the hell does that?

Hayden Markowitz plays show and tell with Rambo’s “cancer duck.”

Then, when Rachel let Tino interrupt Hayden’s tale of woe, Hayden started complaining about her behind her back.

In the meantime, Meatball had dropped a dime on Hayden and, even though Hayden denied everything that Meatball said he said, Rachel was done with him.

I would have liked to see Hayden get lowered into a teeny lifeboat and made to row to shore, but the ship was docked so he got to walk a gangplank instead of the plank.

Hayden made it clear that he wanted Rambo more than Rachel. “I know right now for a fact no one has the amount of love that I have for Rambo and that Rambo has for me,” he said. Here’s a tip: next time stay home and take care of your sick dog.

Cue Rachel’s next meltdown: “This isn’t working for me. I’m a failure.”

Nonetheless, there was a rose ceremony. Gabby gave roses to Nate, Erich, Johnny, Michael and Mario.

Rachel gave roses to Aven, Meatball, Zach, Ethan and, yes, Logan, who accepted just so he’d get another chance to talk to Gabby.

Buckle your seatbelts for the Brouhaha in Bruges next week.

You can watch Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, catch me on Twitter or chat on my Facebook page.

Rachel and Gabby both taste rejection on ‘The Bachelorette’

July 26, 2022 / Debra Yeo

Gabby Windey and Rachel Recchia on the monster group date with Hayden, Johnny, Jordan and Mario. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos but screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

The purpose of this two-“Bachelorette” season has been made abundantly clear, if it wasn’t already. It’s not about Gabby Windey and Rachel Recchia finding love — although that could still happen — it’s about making them relive the kind of rejection they felt on Clayton Echard’s “Bachelor” season.

Thus, on a Frankenstein’s monster of an episode, we had Gabby being told point blank by several of the men that they preferred Rachel and Rachel having her roses rejected by several more at the rose ceremony.

And if that wasn’t humiliating enough, host Jesse Palmer then took those roses away so that Rachel couldn’t give them to anyone else. Funny how that suddenly became a rule on a season that supposedly had no rules.

When Monday’s episode ended, Gabby had nine suitors left and Rachel eight, along with two bruised egos — although it looks like James, a.k.a. Meatball, will get a second chance with Rachel and even out the numbers again.

The two stars aren’t the only ones enduring a so-called roller-coaster ride. I mean what the hell was that Monday?

The episode started with Rachel having a perfectly sweet one-on-one with tech exec Zach, then veered into train wreck territory with Gabby paying a surprise visit to the mansion and having the men ignore her to play football.

Gabby’s Grandpa John perked up the mood by accompanying her on her one-on-one with Erich — which was odd, but OK, fine — then Gabby had a meltdown during dinner but seemed to recover her equilibrium at the group date, only to crash again when three men told her she wasn’t their type.

Rachel and Gabby wanted to control their journey, as if producers would let that happen.

So Gabby and Rachel tried to take back control of their “journey” by dividing up the men at the rose ceremony and we know how well that turned out for Rachel.

Earlier in the episode, Rachel seemed like the belle of the ball.

She and Zach got to play dress-up with Karamo Brown from “Queer Eye” on an “old Hollywood” date that he allegedly planned.

Zach Shallcross and Rachel Recchia, ready for their close-ups.

Karamo sent them off to an “exclusive movie premiere” at the gorgeous El Capitan Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard where they walked a teeny red carpet with faux paparazzi, only to discover that the movie, “Me & You,” was actually a collection of photos and videos from their childhoods and inspirational messages from their moms, all tastefully scored by piano player Matt White.

The walk down memory lane produced the requisite amount of tears on both Rachel’s and Zach’s parts, and they bonded over the fact they both spent time with their dads in airport parking lots watching planes take off and land.

So it only took two one-on-ones for Rachel to achieve liftoff — no hard feelings Jordan V. And Tino, watch your back: there’s a new frontrunner in town.

While Rachel was playing starlet, Gabby went to the mansion, in theory to see which men would make the effort to get to know her better. None, nada, zilch, that’s how many made the effort.

The dudes were more interested in tossing a football and complimenting each other’s shirts than chatting up Gabby. That went over about as well as you think it would for someone with abandonment issues because her mother withheld love when she was growing up.

“I don’t want to play anymore,” Gabby said as the ball was tossed back and forth, and she could have been talking about the show as well as the game.

But chin up, the next day she had a date with real estate analyst Erich and Grandpa John came along, supposedly so Gabby could see how Erich interacted with her family, but it’s way too early for that. This was just a sop to Bachelor Nation since Grandpa John is so beloved.

First stop was one of those woo woo activities the franchise likes to use from time to time: a sound ceremony to release negative energies. And it might have had meaning for Gabby, but I don’t blame Grandpa John for falling asleep.

Grandpa John, Julie, Gabby and Erich enjoy a beer ceremony.

Everybody stayed awake for the next activity — bowling — at which Gabby recruited a plant, er, lady named Julie to be a date for Grandpa.

So far so good: Erich was chill about having Grandpa along, Erich and Gabby got in a little smooching time and they got to be alone on the evening portion of the date.

But the wheels came off after Erich talked about his “soul-mate” parents, which prompted Gabby to talk about her estranged mother.

“I’ll maybe never know what it’s like to have a mother’s love,” Gabby said tearfully and Erich . . . just looked at her, not even a pat on the shoulder, for crying out loud. Maybe that’s just the way it was edited, but with that reaction it’s no wonder Gabby left him alone at the table to go cry on producers’ shoulders.

“Am I too broken for anyone to love?” she lamented.

No sweetie, you’re not, but this nasty franchise is going to make sure you keep feeling that way.

For a moment, it looked like Erich might go the way of Jordan V — just imagine how freaked out the other men would have been to see another dude not survive a one-on-one — but Gabby returned to the table, apologetic for not being a “polished” Bachelorette.

Erich made the right noises about Gabby’s experiences making her a “really unique person” and being “open and honest,” and really liking Gabby and wanting to “see where this goes.”

Where it went for the moment was a rose for Erich and lots of smooching.

“I’m the imperfect Bachelorette. I think in some people’s eyes it will mean perfect,” Gabby said.

A useful thought to take into the next day’s mob scene, the largest group date in Bachelorette history at 19 men. I didn’t count them, but one of the guys said there were 19 of them, so I’m going with it and don’t expect me to name names.

Gabby, Rachel and Franco Lacosta with a big-ass group of men.

And guess who was there? Alleged “Bachelor legend” Franco Lacosta to do a photo shoot.

Given that Gabby and Rachel made their entrances in wedding gowns, you might have thought it was going to be one of those faux wedding shoots with the men in tuxes and suits. But no, they were mostly given ridiculous costumes to wear: plaid shirts and Daisy Dukes for a car wash tableau; a diaper for Meatball, who was, ahem, birthed by Aven; a fig leaf/black box for Jacob for an Adam and Eve shoot with Gabby.

“I’ve seen Jacob’s situation multiple times today and excuse me, because I just can’t help looking,” Rachel said.

It was all ridiculous, the only interaction of note coming when Nate, in a suit thankfully, faux proposed to Gabby.

Nate poses with Gabby, Quincey and Kirk but got a more interesting solo shoot with Gabby.

“Your smile melts my heart, it really does. Whenever you enter a room the world melts away,” he said. “The second I laid eyes on you I felt like I was meeting my best friend and forever could never be long enough to realize how beautiful you are inside and out.”

Followed by a smooch chaser, it sounded like a rehearsal for the real thing, which would have been a good thought for Gabby to hold onto as the after-party commenced at SoFi Stadium.

Now, obviously, this was heavily edited. We saw Rachel kissing Aven, Jordan H and Tino, followed by Tyler, Hayden and Jacob telling Gabby they weren’t interested in her. Hayden damned Gabby with faint praise for her “bubbly” and “goofy aspect,” adding that she was rough around the edges.

And then Jacob cheerfully told Gabby she was “smokin’,” but “if you were the only person here I don’t think I could have the heart to continue.”

Ouch!

Show me a woman who wouldn’t have her insecurities stirred up after hearing something like that.

Rachel cheerfully gave her group date rose to Aven; Gabby didn’t give hers to anyone, saying, “Tonight has kind of been hard for me in a way.”

I find it really difficult to believe Gabby didn’t have positive interactions with somebody at that after-party with 19 men swirling around and, even if she didn’t, surely she could have given the rose to Nate for his lovely words from the photo shoot. But OK, let’s pretend this was all her idea.

After Gabby commiserated with Rachel about her lousy experience, the two of them decided that something had to change.

Cue the cancellation of the cocktail party! Jesse told the fellows they’d be moving directly to the rose ceremony and would have to choose which Bachelorette they wanted to date. No more sitting on the fence, Meatball!

“This will be the craziest night in Bachelor Nation history,” Quincey said.

Now, let’s be honest, if the franchise really had Gabby’s and Rachel’s best interests at heart they could have separated the rose ceremonies, with the women going one after the other. That might have eased the humiliation of rejection somewhat.

Gabby and Rachel face the men for the separate but together rose ceremony.

Instead, there were two tables with eight roses apiece, and Rachel and Gabby took turns handing them out.

The pre-ceremony narrative was that Gabby might face rejection because of what happened at the group date after-party. But Nate, Johnny, Spencer, Jason, Mario, Kirk, Quincey and Michael all took her roses.

Rachel gave hers to Tino and Logan and then Termayne balked, saying he had a deeper connection with Gabby and um, really? Can’t even remember seeing them together.

That’s when Jesse walked in to “clarify,” saying Termayne could get back in line but Rachel had forfeited that rose. Yep, the women are taking control of their journey all right.

Alec also said no thanks to Rachel. Thankfully, Tyler, Ethan and Jordan H said yes, but Meatball declined, saying, “I’m here for Gabby.”

Rachel and Gabby took a (producer-mandated) break to kvetch before giving out their final roses. “This was supposed to be us taking the power back. We literally handed it right back to all of them by doing this,” Rachel whispered.

Dealer, i.e. the franchise, always wins, ladies, dealer always wins.

Hayden said yes to Rachel’s final rose then the women repaired to separate rooms for champagne toasts with their groups of guys.

The footage over the credits showed Meatball, who had been booted along with Jacob and Rachel’s other no-men, Alec and Termayne, asking Rachel for another chance because, gee, he did want to get to know her after all. Rachel might not want him back, but the producers surely will to even up the numbers.

Next week the gang goes to Paris as “two separate groups on two separate journeys.” Logan is having second thoughts about throwing in his lot with Rachel — no surprise there — and Rachel gets information about “disturbing” things being said.

You can watch Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, catch me on Twitter or chat on my Facebook page.

A villain gets the boot, not once but twice, on ‘The Bachelorette’

July 19, 2022 / Debra Yeo

Gabby Windey and Rachel Recchia prepare to judge a man bits pageant on “The Bachelorette.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

You win some, you lose some and some you have to get rid of twice.

So went the first “date” episode of Gabby Windey’s and Rachel Recchia’s joint “Bachelorette” season.

The episode was a reminder that with two very different women there will be very different outcomes, a reality driven home by the results of their first dates. But on one point they were agreed: any dude who’s already trying to control the outcome of the fantasy suites before he has even had a real conversation with either Bachelorette has got to go.

Chris Austin during eviction No. 1 with Gabby and Rachel.

And thus “mentality coach” Chris Austin was asked to leave not once, but twice: first, for running his mouth about fantasy suites and then for walking right back into the mansion to confront the men who ratted him out to Rachel and Gabby.

I mean come on! Even if production put him up to it, how arrogant do you have to be to be told to vamoose and then waltz back in like you own the joint?

Gabby and Rachel were having none of it and good for them, but Chris’s wasn’t the only non-rose ceremony exit in the episode.

For the first time ever, as far as I can recall, a Bachelorette denied a rose to her first date pick.

The unlucky fellow was Jordan V, the drag racer with whom Rachel was vibing on Night 1 and I am torn. On the one hand, Jordan seemed pleasant and like he was really into Rachel. On the other, we’ve all been there, right? You go out with someone who seems really promising and partway through the conversation you realize there’s no there there.

Rachel and Jordan V in the proverbial “happier times” on their one-on-one.

So good on Rachel for going with her gut even if it was really awkward that Jordan was left on his own at a table in the Los Angeles Theatre and that they had been smooching on a zero gravity plane just hours before, and then Rachel had to listen morosely all by herself to a private concert by Ashley Cooke and Brett Young.

Gabby, on the other hand, picked a winner for her first date. You could practically feel the air vibrating as all of Bachelor Nation swooned over Nate Mitchell.

Even before he got his date card, though, Nate had already ascended to hero status for calling Chris out on his toxic masculinity.

Here’s how it went down. Chris was sitting around with some of the other guys, pontificating about what would happen when — not if — he made it to the final four and what his deal breakers would be.

“We go into fantasy suite and we have this sexual experience, and then the person who I’m most interested in decides she’s gonna have sex with multiple people and feel it out, that would be the situation where I’d go, ‘OK, I’m out,'” Chris said.

When questioned by the other guys about whether he’d drop this bombshell before, during or after fantasy suites, Chris said it would depend on the situation.

Also, he kept calling Rachel and Gabby “females” like they were research subjects in an experiment he was conducting and not living, breathing women whom he allegedly might be interested in.

So many observations! First off, the final four don’t go to fantasy suites, just the final three. Duh. Second, that kind of ultimatum worked so well for Luke Parker. Third, who the hell are you and what gives you the right?

Several of the men were aghast. Words like “presumptuous,” “disrespectful” and “jerky” were used, but nobody called it better than Nate.

“Any time you have a premeditated thought of you won’t do this unless that, that is a form of control and that is manipulative . . . You cannot have preconditions for love. It’s just a form of control that a lot of men don’t realize that they do that damages good women.”

Yes, just yes.

Then Nate and Gabby went on a helicopter/hot tub date with lots of kissing and laughing. And did we mention Nate is 33, has a real job (electrical engineer) and a six-year-old daughter? And if you compare his bio to Chris’s on the ABC website, you’ll see Nate’s talks about doing thoughtful things for the woman he loves, whereas Chris’s says he wants a woman who will love him for being a hard worker and not complain as they “work together toward greatness.”

Sometimes the villains are hiding in plain sight.

Nate Mitchell with Gabby Windey before the rose ceremony.

Anyway, back to Nate. He told Gabby about his daughter at dinner at L.A.’s Union Station and Gabby teared up listening to him talk: “She is my world,” Nate said. “Like, a pocket of my heart just burst open the first time she said ‘Dad,’ the first time she told me she loved me, the first time I felt her hug me.”

And damn, who wouldn’t tear up listening to that? It’s moments like these that keep us watching this godforsaken franchise.

Gabby, reflecting on her close relationship with her own father, told Nate he was the best thing that was ever going to happen to his daughter.

Could Nate be the best thing to happen to Gabby? Well, it’s only Week 2, but there is definitely serious potential there. Nate got the date rose, so all the nervous nellies back at the mansion, freaked out by Jordan V’s disappearance, could relax.

Speaking of the mansion, pretty sure we’ve never had 29 men staying there at once, which is how many men were left after last week’s cancelled rose ceremony. But could the producers not have rolled in some cots? Guys sleeping on outdoor couches, really?

Host Jesse Palmer gives the men the laydown before they stripped down to their Speedos.

In lieu of a supersized group date there was a “pageant” inside the mansion in which the men had to don Speedos (and one banana hammock), and strut and flex for Gabby and Rachel, with the aim of winning time at a private after-party at their place.

Seriously, is anybody more obsessed with the male anatomy than “Bachelorette” producers? The show went through a season’s worth of black bars covering up bulges.

There was also a “talent” segment, although only two efforts are worth mentioning. The good: mortgage broker Jacob, a.k.a. wannabe Fabio, sat backwards on a chair, put on glasses and gave Rachel and Gabby a mortgage pitch, which was very entertaining.

“Jacob is Tarzan dressed like George of the Jungle slash my mortgage broker, ” said Rachel.

The bad and the ugly: James, a.k.a. Meatball, pouring a jar of pasta sauce down his chest. To quote Jesse: “Nooo! Oh!”

Neither man made it into the group of six winners, which included Aven, Logan, Brandan, Jason, Johnny and Colin.

And yeah, I had to look up all their names because I don’t really remember who anybody is at this point. But you only have to focus on two names for the moment: Logan and Johnny.

Logan Palmer with Rachel ahead of the rose ceremony.

I don’t trust videographer Logan as far as I can throw him and I’m still holding a grudge over him trapping two live baby chicks in his sweaty palms on Night 1. But mostly I don’t trust him because he’s clearly playing both Gabby and Rachel.

After getting blown off by Jason, who was there for Gabby, and finding Brandan and Colin not to her taste, Rachel connected with Logan, who blew smoke up her ass about how “incredibly brave” she was to “jump back into this process,” without mentioning Clayton by name. And they smooched.

Next thing you know, Logan was also kissing Gabby after spewing more flattery about how she was “someone who makes people smile and laugh.”

The dude is too smooth by half, but Rachel had to give a rose to somebody. And despite also being interested in Logan, Gabby generously deferred to her friend and gave her rose to Johnny, whom she also kissed.

The double dipping didn’t end there.

Pretty sure this is Mario talking to Rachel, even though the ABC caption didn’t identify him.

Ahead of the rose ceremony, personal trainer Mario — Gabby’s first impression rose winner — chatted up Rachel and then lifted her up and did squats with her, making Rachel squeal, all within earshot and view of Gabby.

But the real drama centred on Chris, because of course it did.

Quincey, Hayden and Jordan H, no doubt encouraged by producers, told Rachel about Chris’s fantasy suite “deal breaker” and she told Gabby, and the two of them confronted Chris.

Chris didn’t deny what he’d said — although he tried the “I wasn’t the only one talking about it” manoeuvre — and he didn’t apologize either.

“If you’ve seen our journey you would know it would be important to us, and would respect our place as women and our position to make our own decisions, which it seems like if we went against something you believed in you would take that time to leave,” Gabby said.

Chris tried to turn it around and make it about them not wanting to have a conversation with him, at which point Rachel told him he was being condescending and they walked his ass out of there.

But that wasn’t the end of it, since Chris walked right back in, gathered Jordan H, Hayden, Quincey, Nate and Tyler (I think), and started grilling them about what they said to Rachel and Gabby.

Rachel and Gabby pushed their way through the knot of producers and camera people filming the scene and gave Chris the boot again, for good this time.

And then, finally, we got a rose ceremony, but only six guys got the heave-ho, leaving a still unwieldy group of 21 whose names we’ll never remember, but for the record: Erich, Zach, Jordan H, Quincey, Michael, Tiny, Jacob, Tyler, Hayden, James, Kirk, Spencer, Alec, Ethan and Mario got roses, in addition to the ones that Nate, Johnny and Logan already had.

Rachel and Gabby alternated the rose-giving and made it clear the roses were from both of them, but looks like that will change next week, with at least one rose rejection and Rachel having a rose ceremony meltdown.

You can watch Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, catch me on Twitter or chat on my Facebook page.

Edited because I accidentally called Jordan V, Jordan Z in one reference.

2 Bachelorettes, 32 men, 3 kisses, 1 horse: let the games begin

July 12, 2022 / Debra Yeo

Double Bachelorettes Gabby Windey and Rachel Recchia. PHOTO CREDIT: Gizelle Hernandez/ABC

Let’s be honest, the relationship we care about the most this season of “The Bachelorette” is the one between its two stars, Gabby Windey and Rachel Recchia.

But there couldn’t be a more apt metaphor for the shit that’s gonna get shovelled their way than host Jesse Palmer scooping up horse dung after beautiful Blanca, who carried in a shirtless dude named Jacob, dropped a load in the mansion driveway.

Mortgage broker Jacob pulls a Fabio with the help of Blanca.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Gabby pretty much called it, “Boys are dumb.” Or at least indecisive. It looks like she and Rachel will relive a version of the nonsense they endured from Bachelor Clayton Echard, who you’ll recall — and I’m sorry to conjure up the memory — strung them both along with sex and protestations of love, then dumped them simultaneously.

The good news: Clayton’s shenanigans couldn’t tear these best friends apart so I’m guessing none of this season’s dudes will either. We saw plenty of tears in the season promo and both women talking about wanting to quit; we never saw them turn on each other and if ABC had that kind of footage don’t you think they’d be gleefully promoting the hell out of it?

Still, Jesse promised “the most shocking season of ‘The Bachelorette’ yet” and that’s not a good thing if you’re more interested in seeing mature adults fall in love than divisive drama. But really, what did we expect?

Gabby and Rachel weren’t made dual Bachelorettes because Mike Fleiss and his team knew how much fans loved them both and wanted to make us happy. No, having two women choose from the same pool of men is about trying to pit them against each other. Just imagine the possibilities if they fall for the same guy!

“I don’t trust men,” Gabby said. Me, I don’t trust “Bachelorette” producers.

But we’ll save the angst for later. Monday’s season premiere was a pretty congenial affair with a generous tone set by its two lovely leads, Gabby, a 31-year-old ICU nurse, and Rachel, a 26-year-old pilot and flight instructor, who supported each other every step of the way.

So much hugging and hand-holding and squeals of joy! I’m here for it.

It was almost enough to appease us for losing Kaitlyn Bristowe and Tayshia Adams as “Bachelorette” hosts — almost.

As for the 32 suitors, they were well behaved. No excess drunkenness, no trash talking, no playbooks on how to get screen time, no blatantly misogynistic remarks.

I wasn’t keen on Logan manhandling a couple of live chicks just so he could make a lame joke about Gabby and Rachel being “cute chicks,” but one of them got revenge by pooping in his hand — the chickens, not Rachel and Gabby.

Logan introduces Gabby and Rachel to Marybeth and Alejandra. Call the SPCA!

Cringiest limo exit was a tie between investment banker Jason and life coach Quincey. The former said that, like Clayton, he was in love with three women: his mom, his sister and his dog, and ewwww. Quincey said he hadn’t had sex in over a year to show how “intentional” he could be and, like, why did they need to know that?

Software developer Jordan H, meanwhile, had the cleverest shtick, bringing along wireless, noise-cancelling headphones so he could talk to Rachel and Gabby individually without the other one listening in. Props also to venture capitalist Spencer for bringing chairs so Gabby and Rachel could take a load off their high heels. And wedding photographer Alec, besides being a natty dresser, brought along a quartet to sing a song, the gist of which was “Clayton sucks.”

Alec brings his own musical accompaniment.

Aside from the hokey limo entrances, who are the standouts so far?

To be honest, with that many dudes it was hard to get a handle, which is why Rachel and Gabby chose to forgo a rose ceremony and keep 29 men into next week.

They made magician Roby disappear, along with 24-year-old twins Justin and Joey. Being the only three guys singled out for elimination must have sucked hard, but it was a fair call.

Luckily, our Bachelorettes chose very different first impression rose winners and didn’t swap spit with the same men. In fact, there was very little kissing considering the precedent set in other seasons.

Mario got Gabby’s first impression rose and her first kisses of the season.

Gabby’s first rose went to Mario, an affable personal trainer who danced his way out of the limo, but holy hell, did their kissing look awkward! Rachel’s smooching with Tino, a contractor whose forklift-driving skills she admired, was more palatable. He got her rose.

Gabby also kissed real estate analyst Erich, who also considered kissing Rachel, seemingly hedging his bets to get a first impression rose.

“I can see how this is gonna get complicated very quickly,” he said. Ya think?

Gabby also had good chemistry with investment director Ryan and she couldn’t stop looking at Jacob’s pecs, the Fabio wannabe with the horse. That’s just as well; paying attention to the list of attributes he was reading for his future wife might have otherwise bored her to tears.

Rachel had a sweet interaction with “leisure executive” Hayden, who made a hand-written card for her recent birthday. But she couldn’t figure out why neither sales exec Aven or drag racer Jordan V went in for a kiss. There was a fleeting knee grab by the first and the second held her hand, but that was it.

She and Gabby were both attracted to chick guy Logan, who hugged Rachel and bonded with Gabby over sneaking snacks into the cinema (hopefully nothing as big as the meatball sub that “meatball enthusiast” James brought with him).

But yeah, there’s still a lot of wheat to be separated from the chaff with this group. We’ll get another shot at figuring out who’s who next week.

It airs Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, catch me on Twitter or chat on my Facebook page.

Michelle picks, leaving one man ‘broken’ on ‘The Bachelorette’

December 22, 2021 / Debra Yeo

Michelle Young on the beach in Mexico on proposal day on “The Bachelorette.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos except screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHO MICHELLE PICKED ON THE BACHELORETTE FINALE, STOP READING NOW!

You could say Michelle Young’s season finale was a textbook end to a “Bachelorette” season in the sense that she dropped the guy who seemed perfect for her and kept the one who was raising red flags.

That producers made it look like Brandon Jones stood a chance of getting the girl is another feather in their caps, I suppose, although it did seem inevitable that someone so heart-on-his-sleeve sincere was bound to be disappointed.

And oh boy, was he disappointed. On a scale of one to 10, the emotional brutality of that breakup was like a 20.

It always seems so pointlessly cruel to let a dude walk up in his best suit, an engagement ring burning a hole in his pocket, give a flowery speech declaring his love and then have the Bachelorette tell him sorry, I’m just not that into you.

You have to assume she knows where her heart lies before she hits the beach, or wherever the proposal happens, so why not head off the unlucky runner-up at the pass?

Well, for the drama, that’s why. And on Tuesday, we got to watch a solid eight minutes of agony, both his and hers, as Michelle told Brandon — just after he told her she was the “missing piece” he’d been searching for his entire life — that her heart had taken her in another direction.

But don’t worry, Brandon told host Kaitlyn Bristowe on “After the Final Rose” that he’s doing good and that he wants Michelle and Nayte Olukoya to be happy, and he seemed like he meant it.

As for Nayte, yes, I was as skeptical as the next person. How does a dude who claims never to have been in love before, who comes from an emotionally constipated family, make a lifetime commitment to someone he’s known for mere weeks when no one else seems to believe he’s ready for it?

Well, Michelle is a really smart woman and if she says Nayte is in it for the long haul, who the hell are we to doubt her?

In any event, the producers seem to have so much faith in the relationship that they gave Michelle and Nayte a $200,000 down payment for a house on “ATFR” — in Minnesota naturally, you think she was going to move for a guy?

Let’s just hope they patronize a different grocery store than the one used by Joe Coleman and his family.

Anyway, let’s backtrack and recount how Michelle got to her happy ending.

If you’d tuned in just for the “meet the family” part of the finale you would have been shocked as hell that Brandon lost.

Has a family ever loved a member of the final two as much as Michelle’s family loved Brandon? It seems unlikely.

They had already met him, of course, during that one-on-one in Minneapolis when her parents “surprised” Michelle and Brandon in the hot tub in her folks’ backyard. And Brandon charmingly brought dad Ephraim a pair of swim trunks to replace the ones he’d borrowed that day.

Brandon couldn’t have answered his and mom LaVonne’s questions any more agreeably if he’d had somebody from production coaching him on the sidelines.

No, he wouldn’t be threatened by Michelle finishing her master’s degree and becoming a school principal. “My mom in my family is the powerful woman.”

Yes, he was in love with Michelle, “the most incredible woman I’ve ever met in my entire life.”

Yes, he’d be thrilled to move to Minnesota. “I just want to marry her so bad.”

LaVonne Young bestows a welcome-to-the-family kiss on Brandon Jones.

LaVonne bestowed not one, but two cheek kisses on Brandon and beamed, “I would be so happy if you’re here in the end.”

Brandon was the “best friend” that Mom and Pop wanted her to marry.

And Nayte’s time with the Young fam? Awkward, at least the way it was edited.

He was vague about moving to Minnesota, telling Michelle’s sister Angela, “The thing about me is I’m all about the adventure. I’ve moved so many times in my life.”

To LaVonne, he said things like, “My mind and heart are definitely pointing at Michelle,” not exactly a declaration of undying love.

LaVonne told him point blank she didn’t think he was ready to get engaged and shared that sentiment with Michelle, which had Michelle saying she had to “reassess” things with Nayte.

Naturally that meant that when it came to the final dates with the final two, Brandon got the chill zooming around on Jet Skis date and Nayte got the uncomfortable “sacred ritual to make you spill your guts” date.

Brandon got the sun, fun and surf date; Nayte not so much.

There’s no point rehashing all the smiles, smooches and declarations of Brandon’s true, true love on his date. The most significant part — other than Brandon gifting Michelle with the sweatshirt he’d been wearing when they had their fantasy suite food fight — was her telling Brandon she was in love with him too.

Up till that point, the fact Michelle was already “in love” with Nayte but just “falling” with Brandon made the ending seem like a foregone conclusion.

I would never accuse Michelle of telling a fib — she seems far too principled for that — but what a gift to production! Despite Nayte having been the clear favourite for weeks, maybe Brandon did have a chance of being the last man standing or so it seemed.

Raul guides Michelle and Nayte in telling each other how they feel.

On their date, Michelle took Nayte to a “sacred place” where a shaman named Raul got them to waft smoke on each other and share their innermost feelings, although he sensed a “blockage” in Nayte.

Well duh, the man had already confessed to being raised in a home where emotions weren’t expressed and “I love you” wasn’t said. It takes more than sacred smoke to counteract that. And I get that you have to go beyond platitudes if you’re planning to marry somebody, but this show makes almost a fetish of the concept of “vulnerability.”

Michelle said in her voice-over that if Nayte stopped trying to pull down his walls it would be a “deal breaker.” Dunh dunh dunh.

Luckily, Nayte was more forthcoming when he and Michelle were alone in his suite. “All I do, all I do is think about life with you, that’s all I do,” he told her. “I think what’s scary is just looking at you right now knowing like, hey, I might wake up tomorrow and just never be able to see you again, you know? That’s scary as hell.

“So as crazy as it is for me to get down on one knee, I am more than ready to do that with you because I want this to be forever, you know?”

She did know. She left Nayte’s room saying, “I think my heart is telling me that this is my person.”

So Brandon was a goner then except, conveniently, there was a letter from Brandon waiting when Michelle got back to her suite — and I don’t blame the conspiracy theorists out there for suspecting production wrote it for him.

It talked about how “a world without you is a world I fear to face” and how he’d always place her happiness above his and he’d love her forever and he’d always see her, etc. Just the sort of thing you want to read the night before you dump someone.

So the narrative the next day, as Nayte and Brandon picked out engagement rings, was that Michelle was confused and her heart torn.

Production threw one more red herring our way by having Michelle say in voice-over as we watched her walk barefoot across the sand to the proposal platform that she was following her heart and was “never going to feel unseen again,” a clear callback to the words in Brandon’s letter.

But of course it was Brandon’s SUV that pulled up first.

Michelle and Brandon tearfully embrace after she dropped her bombshell.

There were so many heartbreaking moments to choose from as Michelle broke up with Brandon, while reassuring him that she still loved him — at least the ones we could hear since the crashing waves drowned out much of the sound, leading viewers to scramble to turn on closed captions.

“Giving you my heart was worth it. It’s something I’ll never regret,” said Brandon while struggling to hold back tears. But tears there were, many, on both their parts.

“I’m just so broken,” he said and there was nothing fake about that.

Michelle had dried her tears by the time Nayte arrived, vowing to make sure she was “always chosen first, seen now and today, tomorrow and for the rest of our lives.”

“I love you with my entire heart,” Michelle told him, adding that her soul mate “is definitely standing right in front of me.”

Yes, of course Nayte proposed to Michelle.

Nayte got down on one knee, pulled out the pear-shaped Neil Lane sparkler he’d chosen, and they were engaged and giddy with happiness.

“This is my soul Nayte,” declared Michelle.

A mariachi band serenaded them, and Kaitlyn and Tayshia Adams ran down the beach cheering to congratulate them (I must say I always get a kick out of that part).

So are they still happy and in love?

It sure looked that way on “After the Final Rose,” which Kaitlyn hosted solo since Tayshia had been exposed to COVID-19.

Michelle reassured Kaitlyn and everybody else that not only was Nayte continuing to let his guard down in their relationship, “he’s more vulnerable than me.”

“I really can say I’ve never been with somebody who makes me feel so beautiful truly inside and out,” Michelle said.

Perhaps, most importantly, mom LaVonne and the rest of the Young clan had fallen in love with Nayte too. And LaVonne was now “besties” with Nayte’s mom. They were in the live studio audience, which went from unmasked to masked about 40 minutes in after viewers complained about the lack of COVID precautions on Twitter.

So simmer down, doubters. Nayte might not have been your pick, but he and Michelle seem as happy as any couple who got together on a dating show can be. Plus he’s Canadian, so I have to support him, eh?

Now, for Brandon. And I apologize for the length of this recap, but damn you to hell three-hour finales!

Brandon and Michelle reunite for the first time since their breakup.

He was gracious while speaking with both Kaitlyn and Michelle, saying he’d always love Michelle but was thankful she’d found her person.

The only hint of frustration came when he said he felt “like a little bit my love was overlooked” and found it confusing that “you really had to push Nayte to that point . . . you never had to push me.”

Maybe we’ll see Brandon again on “Bachelor in Paradise” next summer, although part of me feels like he’s too pure for it.

Speaking of seeing people again, Kaitlyn also brought out the next Bachelor, Clayton Echard, “a man who does need an introduction because nobody knows who he is.”

That’s not true, though. We all know who Clayton is, at least on a surface level. We just don’t understand how he got to be the Bachelor.

Kaitlyn had Clayton read mean tweets about himself, some of which viewers thought were fake.

I will say that Clayton was a good sport. “I kind of wanted this too,” he said in response to the tweet “All I want for Christmas is for Rodney to be the Bachelor. #SantaSucks.” And he laughed really hard at one that read, “I hope Clayton uses protection in the fantasy suites, otherwise 9 months later there are gonna be a lot of baby Shreks running around.”

We also saw the steamy, bitchy, tear-filled promo for Clayton’s season, the one that gives away all the drama by revealing that he told all of the final three he loved them and was “intimate” with at least the final two.

Who am I kidding? I may not be excited about it the new season, but I’ll be recapping it, starting with the Jan. 3 premiere. So check back here Jan. 4 and, until then, have a safe, happy holiday.

And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Fantasy suites turn bros into foes and The Bachelorette is in love

December 15, 2021 / Debra Yeo

From left, Nayte Olukoya, Joe Coleman and Brandon Jones await their fate on “The Bachelorette.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC.

Sorry Chris Sutton, but you know who sure seems to have it in the bag after Tuesday’s episode of “The Bachelorette.”

Michelle Young and her final three — Nayte Olukoya, Joe Coleman and Brandon Jones — went to Mexico for fantasy suite dates, but she told only one of those men she was already in love with him. That would be Nayte.

And yes, you’d be forgiven for thinking this takes the mystery out of next week’s finale, in which she’ll chose between Nayte and Brandon. Michelle’s feelings for Nayte were clearly more advanced, notwithstanding that she told Brandon she was “falling in love” with him.

Still, we’ve been promised a “shocking conclusion you’d never expect,” so I guess those of us who aren’t up on the spoilers will wait and see.

Her choice is between a man who says he’s never been in love before and whose own stepdad doubts he’s ready to get engaged, and a man who says he’s so ready you feel like telling him to slow his roll.

Brandon got the first date on Tuesday, which he interpreted as a sign of favour from Michelle. And he couldn’t wait to “literally rip out my heart, throw it on the table and say, ‘Just do what you want with it, because it only beats for you at this point.'”

Obviously, he didn’t “literally” do that, but figuratively? Oh yes, indeed.

That night, after their daytime horseback riding and beach smooching, he told Michelle he loved her three times before they’d even cleared the dinner table.

“I’m just so sick of keeping it in because I want you to know I will always, always put you first, always till I take my last breath I will put you first,” Brandon said.

That seems pretty intense for an “I’m still one of three guys left” date, but Michelle wasn’t put off by it.

She reiterated that she was falling in love with Brandon and told him she could see a future with him. “I’ve never met somebody who has made me feel so safe, has made my heart feel so safe. I’m really excited about that, I’m not gonna lie.”

Brandon feeds Michelle an empanada in bed.

They were still on the same page the next morning, even though Brandon shoved an empanada practically up Michelle’s nose, leading to a food fight in bed (ugh, the poor cleaning staff).

“We’re playful, we have so much fun together whether we are kissing, have empanada sliding down our faces or are having a heart to heart: this relationship seems like it has it all,” Michelle said.

One thing Brandon didn’t count on in his glee at getting the first date was the stress of having to sit in the hotel on the nights that Michelle had her other dates, picturing what she was up to with the other two men.

It’s a particularly mean tradition to have the final three all stay in the same suite so they can watch each other roll in the morning after they’ve spent the night with the Bachelorette.

Luckily, none of the men went into the gory details, but you could cut the tension with a knife. “Now we kind of went from bros to foes,” said Nayte.

Joe was the next bro-foe up for a date.

The narrative going in was that Michelle had to learn more about Joe to decide if she could picture a life with him. I’m not entirely sure how ziplining helps with that, but Michelle dug the fact that the normally reserved Joe screamed as he was doing it and showed his “goofy side.”

“Today was, I think, a big day for me because I saw the energetic, upbeat Joe; I saw the relaxed, adventurous side,” Michelle said. If you say so. She also called Joe a 1,000-piece puzzle “and I like puzzles.” Hmmm.

If nothing else, it was the most picturesque date. How can you beat the image of them smooching as the sun sets with a hungry horse nudging them?

Joe and Michelle seemed to vibe at dinner over their shared desire to make a difference in the world, which seemed like a good thing — until you recall she had a similar conversation with Matt James on their “Bachelor” date and they didn’t end up together either.

While Joe and Michelle were bonding, Brandon was back at the hotel quietly freaking out over the fact his woman was out with another man: “You kind of get into your head, thinking ‘Oh, maybe she’s already got the person picked out she wants to be with.'”

Well, yeah, duh, of course she does. The fiction that she’s still trying to decide between three men at this point is just a ridiculous requirement of the format.

Brandon might have taken comfort from knowing that when Michelle woke up with Joe the next day she told him, “I hope you know how much I care about you and how much you mean to me.” The thing is: Joe was already on the L-word train; Michelle was still on the platform.

Nayte, meanwhile, had correctly surmised that it was better to be last than first in the date order. “I would want, personally, my closest connection to be the last guy,” he told Brandon.

Nayte Olukoya was No. 1 in the soul-mate stakes.

Michelle validated that, as they enjoyed cruising on a catamaran, by saying in her voice-over, “When I’m with Nayte I feel how you’re supposed to feel when you’re with your soul mate, when you’re with your favourite person.”

But were her feelings for Nayte stronger than his were for her? Was he ready to get engaged?

Never one to beat about the bush, Michelle told Nayte at dinner, “So falling in love is one thing, being in love is another thing and then engagement is another thing. Which of those are you ready for?”

“I mean, all three,” Nayte said. “I know I trust myself, I trust you and I trust that I’m really falling in love with you.”

Good enough, off to the fantasy suite.

Nayte upped the ante the next morning, telling Michelle, “I’m falling in love with you, I’m in love with you.”

“I am definitely in love with you too,” Michelle replied.

After that, it was no surprise that Nayte was cocky as hell going into the rose ceremony — annoying but not surprising.

Brandon, on the other hand, seemed hella nervous, enough to pull Michelle aside before she could start handing out the roses.

It played well into the production tricks suggesting Michelle was going to send him home. In her voice-over she said she was going to break the heart of “someone who continued to put me first,” basically taking the words right out of Brandon’s mouth. And then she wiped tears from her eyes as Brandon told her, “I will be here for you regardless of what happens to me.”

We were also supposed to think that Brandon’s “Hail Mary,” as Nayte called it, had changed Michelle’s mind about who to send home. Not a chance. If you parse everything she said to Brandon and to Joe on their separate dates it was clear the latter was a goner.

And go he did, expressing his shock.

Michelle told Joe she was still falling in love with him and really had seen a future with him, and she cried an awful lot after his SUV drove away. So much for her “little slice of home.”

Next Tuesday, it’s the three-hour finale (ugh), with the promo suggesting that Michelle’s dad is worried about Brandon becoming jealous and her mom doubting Nayte’s readiness for an engagement, but you know how deceptive those promos can be. We’ll see what’s what next week.

You can tune in at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Tayshia in hot seat along with the men on Bachelorette Men Tell All

December 7, 2021 / Debra Yeo

“Pizzapreneur” Peter Izzo, second from left, makes a point as the other men react on “The Men Tell All.” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos but screen grabs John Fleenor/ABC

Profanity-filled yelling matches, a fake subpoena, a tasteless streaking stunt, co-host Tayshia Adams being driven off the stage in tears: the “Men Tell All” episode of “The Bachelorette” was a lot.

Add to that a promo for a new season of “The Bachelor” that nobody wants that basically gave away the key dramatic moments and you had a tumultuous helping of TV that Twitter observers compared to “Jerry Springer.”

It made for some uncomfortable viewing in the first hour of the episode while the second hour was filled with, well, filler, including a ridiculous stunt that involved a plant in the audience yelling “We love you, Rodney,” stripping off his clothes and being chased around the studio by security in a lame call-back to Rodney’s nude dare on his one-on-one date.

Sorry, Rodney’s streak was funny, this was just silly.

Rich Leach takes a bite out of his “head,” a call-back to his Night 1 entrance on a platter.

And then there was the cake shaped like Rick’s head in honour of his head-on-a-platter Night 1 entrance, the defamation papers that Peter Izzo had Will Urena “served” with and, later, Peter serving everybody free pizza in a shameless plug for his business.

Maybe we should cut the guy some slack, though, since earlier in the episode Tayshia and Kaitlyn read out what were clearly fake one-star reviews of the place.

If you hadn’t watched any of Michelle Young’s season and you just tuned in on Monday night, you might have thought the whole thing had been a shit show when in fact, with a few notable exceptions, the men had mostly emulated the respectful tone that Michelle herself set.

Michelle brought that same tone to “Men Tell All,” as did two of her nicer rejects, Rodney Mathews and Rick Leach.

Tayshia and co-host Kaitlyn Bristowe poked at the tender spots of their lingering feelings for Michelle. Even fellow contestant Casey (big dude, beardy, in case you’ve forgotten) wiped tears from his eyes when an emotional Rick said, “It’s tough because there’s moments I shared with Michelle that made me feel like I had found my person.”

When Tayshia asked Rick what made Michelle the only person he’d been able to tell the whole story of his father’s death, he replied, “I’d say she listens to understand, she doesn’t listen just to respond and that’s not a skill everyone has.”

You can say that again.

There was no listening going on during the resurrection of the bad blood between “pizzapreneur” Peter and Will — you remember: Will called Peter a narcissist; Peter threw Will’s “Top Gun” jacket in the pool. There was a fair bit of shouting and swearing, though, and it wasn’t all coming from Peter and Will. Daniel and Casey both piled on Peter, with Casey snarking, “There’s 30 guys and only one person who can’t shut the fuck up.” And then Kaitlyn and Tayshia had to yell to get all of them to shut the fuck up.

But they also contributed to the beef by pulling up bad reviews of Peter’s pizzeria on a screen, which Peter blamed on Will posting the name of the biz on his social media. And I’m sorry, but “Pizza tasted like it was drenched in pool water”? That’s clearly not a real review.

Will Urena gets “served.” As if Peter thought that up all by himself.

Peter got the last word and he used it to have some mean-looking bald dude throw papers in Will’s lap, telling him, “You’ve been served for defamation of character.”

“Come at me bro, that’s a little taste of what’s gonna happen in real life,” said Peter.

You mean production will set up another stunt for you?

Never mind, they shook hands and hugged it out later after Peter had pizza brought in for everyone.

The greatest villain hits tour moved on to Ryan, the guy who was sent home on Night 1 with a binder full of notes on how to maximize his screen time. He’s still insisting those were just cheat sheets from friends since he had no knowledge of how things worked on “The Bachelorette,” which is at odds with the fact he’s appeared on “The Bachelor Live on Stage” (which Becca Kufrin was in the audience to shill for, by the way).

The most useful part of the exchange was that it gave fan favourite Pardeep Singh the spotlight: “You’re someone who desperately wanted to be on ‘The Bachelor’ your whole life, that’s all you do. You have zero integrity, dude,” he told Ryan.

Next up was Martin Gelbspan.

Romeo told Martin he was disappointed by his “triple whammy of misogyny,” but Martin was still talking BS, claiming he’d been misunderstood by Michelle.

I wish they’d spent a little more time on Will’s claim that Martin had a girlfriend back home during shooting. Martin did admit he’d been dating the woman who is now his “soul mate” before the show, which is highly suspicious. And Casey claimed Martin told Peter he had a girlfriend.

In any case I feel sorry for that “queen,” as Martin called her.

Chris Sutton also got some attention for his shenanigans. You know, trying to “rescue” Michelle from men who thought they had it “in the bag,” blah blah blah.

The only thing worth noting is that Olu Inajide called out Chris, who is white, on his racist nonsense of describing Olu, who is Black, as having a low IQ.

“You looking at black excellence right here. I have a whole master’s degree, boy,” Olu said, standing up and walking over to Chris to demand Chris look him in the eye, which had Rodney and Peter jumping up and getting between them. Chris said he had nothing to say to Olu, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he peed himself a little.

Jamie Skaar in the hot seat in a screen grab from “The Men Tell All.”

And then we had Jamie Skaar, who didn’t sit with the other men at first but was brought out from backstage to the hot seat.

To recap: among Jamie’s sins was telling Michelle the men were upset about a rumour that she knew Joe Coleman before filming, a rumour that he himself perpetuated but refused to own up to; and describing Michelle as being in “spring break mode” and the other men as being beneath his level.

The other men wanted Jamie to fess up and apologize. Instead he talked in circles, blabbing about how there were “three pieces to that” and “two levels of understanding,” and doing everything but admitting he acted like a dick.

It seemed like he’d been let off the hook when his time in the hot seat was interrupted to bring Rick onstage, but that was before Michelle had her way with him.

After Michelle came onstage, Jamie spouted some crap about how he and Michelle both liked to coach people and build people up, to which Michelle listened stony-faced.

Michelle Young with Kaitlyn Bristowe and Tayshia Adams. She stopped smiling when it came to Jamie.

“As I watch back and I see those things that you have said on camera about me going through a spring break mode, you express that you thought the men in the house were below you, for me that’s not what a coach does . . . So I don’t understand how you can be so comfortable or quick to express and preach positivity when that’s not what you’re showcasing 100 per cent of the time,” she said, as the studio audience exploded in cheers and applause.

“I’m not seeing any responsibility.”

So Jamie threw out a weasel apology: “If anybody feels hurt by the words that came out of my mouth I apologize for it.” He also said his comments were about him “venting” rather than his genuine opinions about anyone else.

Michelle was having none of it, noting that his apology put responsibility on the other men rather than on himself and that he hadn’t learned anything from his comments.

So finally, Jamie said, “I was in the wrong and I apologize for that.”

Did he mean it? Not a chance, but Michelle accepted it.

She also accepted an apology from Martin, who was still talking nonsense about “miscommunication” and “misunderstanding” — wrong “m” word, Martin, I believe “misogyny” is the one you want.

But Michelle also schooled him on what women truly deserve: “It is important to lift women up because we are not lifted up,” she said. “And you have to truly understand what that means to treat a woman like a queen. It’s listening to her when she’s vulnerable and embracing what she’s been through instead of calling her immature . . . because those words really do hit deep, not only for me but for so many other women.”

I don’t think for a minute that Martin got what she was saying, but let’s move on to the nice guys.

Should have been Bachelor Rodney Mathews, left, next to Peter Izzo.

The sweetest interaction was with Rodney, who made it to top four. Michelle complimented him and he complimented her right back.

“The way that you truly carried yourself with so much class, so much poise, so much grace, I’m just so happy for you, I’m so proud of you,” Rodney said.

“I’m so grateful and so thankful for everything you did for me. As long as you’re happy I’m happy. I just wish you nothing but the best.”

It was a painful reminder of how great it would have been to see Rodney as the new Bachelor — a man who came into the season considering himself an underdog but who quickly soared in Michelle’s and everyone’s else regard.

But we’re stuck with faux “underdog” Clayton Echard and a promo of his season was shown with much fanfare. Don’t let the excited cheers from the studio audience fool you; when you’re at a TV show taping there are always people behind the scenes coaching you to cheer very loudly at certain moments.

Besides showing Clayton kissing a bunch of mostly white girls (and a glimpse of what looked like Toronto’s CN Tower) the promo appeared to have revealed the final two, with Clayton telling them “I was intimate with both of you.” And it seems he also told three women he was in love with them and we know how well that sort of thing worked out for Ben Higgins.

Does any of that make me excited for Clayton’s season? Not in the least, but I’ll probably end up recapping it anyway.

One final word. I know it’s the host’s job to ask probing questions on these “Tell All” episodes, but since when does that extend to your co-host?

Kaitlyn pointed out the absence of Tayshia’s engagement ring and asked, “Can you tell us what’s going on in your relationship with Zac?”

“All I have to say is that I’m heartbroken,” replied Tayshia. “We tried really hard and I still love him very much and, um, I’m not sure what the future holds. I mean you know how it is, it’s really tough.”

Kaitlyn assured her she did know and wanted Tayshia to be happy. She hugged her before segueing to Rodney’s time in the hot seat with the cringeworthy, “From one broken heart to another.” But Tayshia was so upset she left the stage, walking right between Kaitlyn and the camera.

I’m sure Kaitlyn was just doing what she’d been told, but it seems like a new low in the producers’ ever ongoing quest to create drama.

“The drama continues,” as the announcer reminded us, with a new episode next Tuesday as Michelle tries to suss out her “person” from among Nayte, Joe and Brandon.

You can tune in at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

An apple falls right out of the tree on ‘The Bachelorette’ hometowns

December 1, 2021 / Debra Yeo

Nayte Olukoya, Joe Coleman, Rodney Mathews and Brandon Jones wait to learn their fate
on the hometowns episode of “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

You could say the hometowns episode of “The Bachelorette” came down to an apple vs. a guy in orange shorts. Michelle Young tossed the man who will forever be known for dressing as an apple on Night 1 while the man who donned orange swim trunks on their date, the one we were meant to think she was having doubts about, maintained his frontrunner status.

I mean it’s hard to drum up drama when you have a final four that seems this benevolent, and not a mean brother or rude mother in the bunch among the families that Michelle met.

The closest we got to hometown conflict was when Nayte’s stepdad expressed doubt that Nayte was ready for an engagement, which set up the narrative that Michelle was “struggling” as she went into the rose ceremony with the fear that Nayte would break her heart.

But there was no way she was going to send the season’s frontrunner home; ditto for Brandon, since Michelle told him she was falling for him. And was she really going to ditch Joe after he threw her a prom?

So that left Rodney Mathews, the down-to-earth, good-natured fellow who wormed his way into viewers’ hearts.

I always figure you can tell a lot about a man by how he makes his exit. “I’m always gonna care about you, Michelle, like forever,” Rodney said. “You’re amazing Michelle, so thank you.” And he kissed her hand before he got into the SUV.

That’s class. And I don’t want to belabour the point, but like a lot of other people I’m wondering why we couldn’t have had Rodney for a Bachelor instead of Clayton Echard, whom ABC finally confirmed as its next male star.

While I had hoped we might get actual hometown dates this week, instead the men’s families came to Minneapolis.

First up was Brandon, who hails from Portland, Oregon.

Michelle gets a skateboarding lesson from Brandon Jones. My apologies for the crappy screen grabs,
but ABC’s photo selection for the episode was really paltry.

The less said about the skateboarding part of the date the better. Whatever skills Brandon had gained from skating with his whole family deserted him with Michelle around and yes, it did make him look 14.

Skating around Brandon’s mother Carmen, father David and brother Noah was way easier. Noah was playing the skeptic of the group, but Michelle told him she could 100 per cent see herself with Brandon. She won David over by talking fishing and basketball. And she assured Carmen she could see who Brandon really was “and that’s why Brandon is still here, because I truly love who that person is.”

Speaking of love, Michelle told Brandon, “After today it is very clear to me that I am falling for you.” Combine that with the fact there was so much goodbye smooching that they were still lip-locked as Michelle sat in the back of the van and Brandon seemed like a shoo-in for a rose.

Next it was Rodney’s turn to take Michelle spiritually if not physically to Rancho Cucamonga, Calif., but they picked apples and Rodney fed Michelle apples blindfolded, callbacks both to the first night and their one-on-one date.

Michelle was clearly the apple of Rodney Mathew’s eye during their hometown.

If you didn’t know any better it would be easy to think Rodney stood a real shot at a rose. Michelle leapt on him and kissed him and told him she missed him. She said Rodney could be the “best friend” her parents had told her she should end up with. We never heard Michelle say she was falling for him, however.

When his mom, Carrie, asked Michelle if she could create a life with Rodney outside “The Bachelorette,” the best Michelle could come up with was that Rodney was the type of person she’d want to be stuck in an airport with for five hours if their flight got cancelled.

So yeah, I get why Carrie was fearing the worst for her son with three other men in the running, but Rodney told her Michelle was worth the risk.

Perhaps Joe, on the other hand, already had a leg up, since he shared his hometown of Minneapolis with Michelle, but he had the best non-family date activity hands down. He took Michelle to prom at his old high school complete with fancy clothes, snacks, balloons, dancing, a photo booth, king and queen sashes and crowns and, with no chaperones, all the smooching they wanted.

The prom do-over that Joe Coleman (and production) planned made Michelle happy.

This was a callback to Michelle’s group date spoken-word poem in which she said she was the last picked for prom, as well as the fact Joe had never gone to one.

“You’ll always be first with me,” Joe told her.

“Joe really sees me and understands me,” Michelle said.

The tough cookie at the family meet-and-greet was meant to be Joe’s sister-in-law, Hanna, but once again the family was putty in Michelle’s hands.

She told Hanna Joe was her “little slice of home away from home” and Hanna decided that Michelle had the kind of strength and energy that Joe needed in his life. Although she also said, “I hope this works out because we will see her in the grocery store.”

The last supposed obstacle was that Joe hadn’t told Michelle how he felt about her yet, but he rectified that: “I am falling in love with you and I feel like you’re that special person for me.”

Finally, it was the turn of Nayte, a Winnipeg native who now calls Austin, Texas home.

Nayte Olukoya put on the orange swim trunks that Michelle said she liked for their date.

The paddleboarding was an entertaining enough diversion for Michelle, but the main event was meeting Nayte’s mom Leanna and stepdad Charles, who were divorced but had come together just to support Nayte — or Nathaniel, as they called him.

Nayte had warned Michelle that his family wasn’t into talking about emotions — “no heart to hearts, no I love you’s” — so it was pretty remarkable to watch Nayte and Charles do both those things, apparently for the first time ever.

Charles, who had come into Nayte’s life when he was in Grade 9, told Nayte what an amazing journey it had been to watch him “grow up to be you.”

“Never doubt that I’m proud of you . . . never, ever, ever doubt that I love you and never doubt that I’m here for you,” Charles said.

Nayte thanked him for everything.

“I’m gonna have a family one day and I want to be who you were to me for them,” said Nayte, with tears in his eyes.

“You’ll be even better than me,” Charles replied.

If nothing else ever comes of Nayte meeting Michelle, that’s a moment to treasure right there.

But for purposes of plot development, the important conversation was between Michelle and Charles when she asked if Nayte was ready for an engagement and Charles replied, “I don’t know if he’s gonna get to that point.”

Then again, who knows if that answer actually had anything to do with Michelle’s question, given the magic of editing, although Nayte himself told his mom he wasn’t quite there yet.

The day of the rose ceremony, Michelle had an extraneous visit from her former “Bachelor” mates Bri Springs and Serena Pitt, which boiled down to Michelle telling them it was going to be tough to send one of her final four home since they were “the best guys I’ve met in my entire life.” And maybe she’d get her heart broken at the end. Well, duh.

When the time came, Michelle handed roses to Brandon, Nayte and Joe and you know the rest.

Next week it’s back to a Monday night schedule with “Men Tell All.” ABC also promoted Clayton’s “Bachelor” season for the first time, which starts Jan. 3. My assessment, based on the clips, is that they’ve brought on some mean girls to compensate for what would otherwise be the deadly dullness of the season.

You can tune in next Monday at 9 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Tag: The Bachelorette (Page 1 of 3)

The Bachelorette hometown dates go from good to sad to bad

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Michelle picks, leaving one man ‘broken’ on ‘The Bachelorette’

Fantasy suites turn bros into foes and The Bachelorette is in love

Tayshia in hot seat along with the men on Bachelorette Men Tell All

An apple falls right out of the tree on ‘The Bachelorette’ hometowns

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