‘The Bachelor’ hits a new low as woman mocks another’s ADHD

Can we stop pretending that “The Bachelor” has anything to do with helping people find love?

That some of the franchise’s stars form lasting relationships is down to luck and their own ability to make connections. Sure, the show throws people together, but its abiding interest is in manufacturing as much drama as possible to attract viewers, advertising dollars and social media mentions.

What that means for viewers is that we’re subjected to toxic spectacles like Monday night’s, in which one contestant bullied and belittled another, making fun of her medical condition.

I guess the only saving grace is that the contestant in question, Ohio recruiter Shanae Ankney, was picking on another white woman, Colorado real estate adviser Elizabeth Corrigan, unlike the last crappy Bachelor season when the white bullies targeted women of colour. (Which doesn’t negate the fact that all the focus on Shanae and the other blond villain, Cassidy Timbrooks, diverted attention from contestants of colour.)

It would be easy to lay all the blame on Shanae, who truly acted like a horrible human, but let’s not pretend the people who cast her were ignorant of her villain potential or that that’s not exactly the reason she made the cut.

I suspect she’ll get through the next rose ceremony, which we won’t see for at least two weeks, since Bachelor Clayton Echard’s ability to judge character seems about as sound as his ability to find a word other than “fun” to describe his every activity.

All right, on with the recap.

First off, the producers want us to be really excited that they’re back filming at the “Bachelor mansion,” lovingly captured in a couple of swooping drone shots as dramatic orchestral music played.

“Ohmigod!” the contestants kept yelling as they explored. Like, weren’t they just there for the Night 1 cocktail party?

Then host Jesse Palmer came along to introduce himself and remind everyone he used to be the Bachelor. “I know that this thing can work,” he said, completely glossing over the fact that he broke up with the woman he picked shortly after his season finale and married someone years later who has nothing to do with the franchise.

Whatever, at least he fulfilled his key duty of dropping off the first date card.

Teddi, Ency, Melina, Gabby, Kira, Mara, Sierra, Genevieve, Serene and Cassidy were off to do something that “dreams are made of.”

However, the dream belonged to the little girl whose birthday party they were there to set up. Or maybe it was all Cassidy’s dream since she was thrilled that her childhood idol Hilary Duff, a.k.a. “Lizzie McGuire,” was there.

Duff is a trained actor so she was able to say with a straight face that she was “super excited” that Clayton was the Bachelor. Then she put the women to work building all the party paraphernalia.

All except Cassidy, who declared, “I’m not here to build a dollhouse, I’m here to build a relationship” and lured Clayton to the pool for a makeout sesh.

You think he gave a shit that Cassidy wasn’t pulling her weight in the party prep? This dude could still hardly believe he was the Bachelor. He wasn’t going to say no to some pushy woman practically dry-humping his leg and sticking her tongue down his throat.

And a word to the sound editor who let us hear the noises every time Clayton smooched someone: ewwwwwwwww.

Clearly Cassidy’s behaviour annoyed the hell out of the other women, which was the point — even Hilary Duff thought she was acting like a cow — but Clayton rewarded her for her boldness. He didn’t even care that she dropped birthday girl Maya’s cake.

Forget the fact he claims to be jonesing to have a family and that Serene, a third grade teacher, had the most obvious connection with the children who attended the birthday bash.

Serene told Clayton at the after-party how teaching had made a difference in her life and enabled her to do something meaningful. Cassidy — who told the children, “I spend as little time around you small people as possible” — told Clayton at the after-party how pulling him first and kissing him had made her feel really confident, Yeah, I can see how that deserved the group date rose and to theoretically put Cassidy another step closer to being the mother of Clayton’s future brood.

Luckily, we got a palate cleanser with the one-on-one date with someone who actually seemed nice, Susie.

“Oh my gosh!” exclaimed the bubbly wedding videographer, jumping up and down with excitement when she realized she and Clayton were about to take her first ever helicopter ride (yep, the helicopter rides are back) — making sure to swoop close to the mansion to stir up the other women’s envy.

Susie mentioned as they flew over the coast that she loved the water, which was fortuitous because the helicopter landed on a yacht, where she and Clayton shared bubbly and kisses in a hot tub and even went for a swim.

Then it was time for Susie to sing for her supper, or rather to spill her guts to prove she was worthy of the date rose.

Luckily, she had some trauma to share. Her father had been seriously ill the year before, like organs shutting down ill. Susie teared up as she recalled him holding his grandson, her brother’s child, for the first time when he got out of hospital.

During his long recovery in the ICU, “there wasn’t a day went by that my mom didn’t, like, sleep in the little chair by his bed. Seeing my mom by my dad’s side was very powerful and I want that for myself,” Susie said.

Can’t say I’m convinced that Clayton is the one who can give that to her, but she got the rose nonetheless, bestowed by Clayton as they were serenaded by Canadian country singer Amanda Jordan.

Then it was time for Blonds Behaving Badly Part 2.

Marlena, Elizabeth,  Kate, Sarah, Lyndsey, Rachel, Tessa and Shanae were on the second group date.

Shanae — who for some bizarre reason was calling herself “Shanaenae” — had already been coached by her pal Cassidy on how to stand out by being aggressive, so she was raring to go.

She was the first to run up to Clayton, greeting him with the now traditional jump up and wrap your legs around him move — do they make all the women demonstrate that when they cast them? — but she missed out when the contestants walked into a “classroom” to learn about “red flags” by playing “Never Have I Ever” with comedian Ziwe and Elizabeth took the seat next to Clayton.

Shanae’s jealousy and insecurity were stoked even further when Ziwe teased that Clayton and Elizabeth were “just flirting it up right in front of me. I love it. Love this connection.”

An obstacle course was next and Shanae seemed to take Ziwe’s exhortation to “fight for love as they fought on the beaches of Normandy” a bit too seriously, grabbing Elizabeth’s boob and shoving her down into a pool of goo as the women hopped from one piece of foam bread to another in a “breadcrumbing” challenge (yeah, no, it doesn’t make sense to me either).

But it was wealth management adviser Sarah who won the prize of alone time with Clayton, which meant sitting off to the side on a couch, drinking bubbly and smooching while Shanae stared and fumed.

That meant it was “all or nothing” for Shanae at the after-party in her quest to win the date rose, but when Elizabeth stole him for alone time first, Shanae had a mini meltdown and then concocted a bullshit story about how Elizabeth was two-faced — all because she didn’t look at Shanae as Shanae was speaking to her during a group conversation.

Clayton, who wouldn’t know a red flag from his ass, sombrely summoned Elizabeth to get her side of the story. As the other women tried to figure out what was going on, Kate asked Shanae point blank, “You didn’t say anything?” Shanae shook her head no.

Pardon me, but saying one thing to Clayton and lying that you didn’t to the other women seems like the definition of two-faced, no?

Elizabeth is a grown-up, so she took Shanae aside to try to clear the air and explained that the reason she didn’t look at Shanae during their conversation with Ency is because she has ADHD and “it’s really hard for me to have multiple auditory inputs. I was probably just really trying to concentrate on what Ency was saying to me.”

But Shanae just kept banging on about how it was “two-faced” and she was hurt.

Thank heavens Clayton didn’t give Shanae the date rose. It was a close call as he blathered on about how thankful he was that she could be open with him since being in a relationship meant having to have “those tough conversations.” Boy, is he going to feel like a fool now that he’s seen the episode.

The rose went to Sarah instead, which Shanae took as a cue to keep lashing out at Elizabeth. Now she was claiming that Elizabeth was being two-faced because she had told Shanae during their chat that she loved her. Just for the record, what Elizabeth actually said was, “I 100 per cent validate you as a person and would love to move forward and continue forging a relationship.”

Shanae outed Elizabeth’s ADHD to the rest of the women and said as she stormed off, “Fake, fake, fake, ADHD my ass, 100 per cent.”

Even her mentor in villainy Cassidy was telling Shanae to drop the beef, but she wouldn’t let it go, taking Elizabeth outside for another chat during the rose ceremony cocktail party and questioning whether she really had ADHD.

“I have ADHD,” said Shanae. “Everyone, I mean fucking little kids have ADHD and I think you’re using that as an excuse.”

Elizabeth, who would have been within her rights to push Shanae into the pool at that point, calmly told her she was ending the conversation and walked away.

But Shanae continued the belittling in her confessional, saying sarcastically, “I don’t know if anyone has heard, but she has ADHD and it’s really bad. I don’t want to ever upset her again because I feel terrible. She has ADHD,” and then she laughed.

Note that not only did the producers choose to air this nonsense, they underscored Shanae’s insulting comments with jaunty music like it was a funny joke we should all be laughing at.

It was a new low for a franchise that has been crawling on its belly for quite a while now.

But hey, it was time to shift the focus back to the other villain.

Despite already having a rose, Cassidy sought Clayton out for alone time so she could simper at him and smooch him and tell him what a good kisser he was. And then she boasted to the other women about how much Clayton appreciated her being “unrelenting” in her pursuit.

That was too much for Sierra — another contestant we don’t really know much about since the evil twins have been taking up all the oxygen. Cassidy had confided to Sierra that she had a boy toy back home who she’d been FaceTiming while she was in the hotel waiting for the season to start. And he couldn’t wait for Cassidy to get home so they could watch the unnamed reality show she was on together.

This ain’t a she said, she said. Those sneaky producers got the conversation on tape.

Sierra, a recruiting co-ordinator from Dallas, told Clayton about Cassidy’s “friend with benefits” and Clayton went off to brood while Sierra told Cassidy what she’d done.

The episode ended with Clayton asking Jesse, “Has anyone ever taken a rose back before?” and one of those annoying “TO BE CONTINUED” captions — note the all-caps, which are the show’s, not mine.

Remember the good old days, like last month during Michelle’s season, when every episode ended with a rose ceremony?

We’ll be waiting two weeks, until Jan. 24, to find out whether Cassidy gets ousted and whether Shanae’s reign of idiocy continues.

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