Zach Shallcross with dates Jess, Gabi, Kaity, Aly, Charity, Greer, Kylie, Anastasia, Ariel, Genevie, Davia and Mercedes before the trouble began. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos but screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club. Also Instagram, you never, ever, ever, ever talk about Instagram.

Anastasia found that out on Monday’s episode of “The Bachelor” when she became the second woman to be dispatched so Zach Shallcross can maintain a drama-free zone. (Looks like his luck might run out on that point next week.)

Anastasia’s first sin was getting aggressive on what was supposed to be a chill beach group date after Zach and his harem decamped to the Bahamas – which host Jesse Palmer, the new spokesman for the Bahamas tourism board, tells us is “one of the most beautiful and one of the most romantic places in the entire world.”

And by aggressive, I don’t mean physical, although Anastasia suggested that Kylee was ready to put up her dukes after the two got into a verbal tussle over time with Zach.

Anastasia Keramidas learned that it isn’t always better in the Bahamas.

Basically, Anastasia scooped Zach up for some alone time on the beach during said group date; Kylee got jealous and tried to interrupt; Anastasia asked for more time with Zach; Kylee said, “Please just let me have him, I don’t like to fight but”; Anastasia replied, “I’m definitely not gonna fight you” and then proceeded to tell everyone who would listen that Kylee had been spoiling for fisticuffs.

I mean it feels ridiculous even writing all that out.

Kylee got her revenge at the afterparty when she told Zach that Anastasia had been overheard talking about how many Instagram followers she was going to gain being on “The Bachelor.”

Alert! Alert! Alert! Somebody is not here for the right reasons!

Zach checked the story with Charity, who seems like a pretty straight arrow and had indeed heard Anastasia say that the 14 women who were still around would get at least 50,000 Instagram followers apiece, which doesn’t seem like enough to get excited about, but fine.

Anastasia got a stay of execution at the afterparty, but Zach sent her packing on rose ceremony night right at the beginning of the cocktail party, despite Anastasia protesting her innocence.

This does not seem like a big deal — despite how much it made Kylee cry, go figure — because Anastasia never seemed like more than group date fodder.

What seems more concerning is how many women Zach is getting “excited” about, his new favourite word. I know it’s only Week 4, but he does realize he can only pick one, right?

Let’s see: Zach was excited about Kat after a “very exciting” one-on-one date; he was excited about Kylee; he was excited about Kaity; he was excited about Brooklyn; after chatting with Gabi, he said he was “excited about all the connections I have.” He was also excited about Ariel but, judging from those smooches and the way they were blowing on those conch shells, I think it was a given.

“You didn’t play conch in your school band?” Zach asked, although it came out sounding like “cock.”

“I didn’t, I was a virgin,” Ariel replied.

Ba dump bum.

So what excited Zach about Kat, his first one-on-one of the episode?

First a digression: Kat getting the date card and tactlessly blurting out that she and Zach would be in the water and it would be “very intimate” made Greer cry. And who could blame her? She got the first impression rose, but now Zach seems to have forgotten who she is. My guess is she’s not going to make final four.

Kat Izzo and Zach get “intimate” with sunscreen on a catamaran.

But back to Kat. Zach said Kat looks like a model and “I’m like, I never dated a model.” Also, she has SPFing skills, judging from the time they spent smoothing sunscreen on each other. And she enjoys awkward dancing.

But oh no, what if Kat’s dinnertime confession drove Zach away? Are you ready? She had . . . an unhappy upbringing and left home at one point because of her bad relationship with her mom. That’s it?

Look, I don’t mean to minimize Kat’s obvious pain over this, but when is this show going to stop acting like everybody who didn’t have a perfect childhood needs to be ashamed of it? Sometimes parents suck, it’s not the kids’ fault.

Obviously Zach didn’t banish Kat over this and you’ve got to give the guy credit for being both emotionally intelligent and articulate. “I want to love my person for who they are, not for what they came from,” he said.

Kat got the date rose and copious smooches, but then Zach said that kissing Kat was “like two meteors just perfectly colliding and creating a star,” which makes zero sense. Cue the fireworks.

So we’ve already discussed the group date which, besides Anastasia’s and Kylee’s dust-up, was notable for Gabi’s shellfish allergy.

Since a lot of what was being consumed on the beach was shellfish, Gabi worried that she wouldn’t get noticed by Zach since she couldn’t participate in activities like conch fritter tossing. “I literally can’t kiss Zach because he had shellfish,” she said tearily.

Where is Shanae with a bowl full of shrimp when you need her?

Speaking of conch, the group date rose went to Ariel.

Brooklyn Willie gets the action date on “The Bachelor.”

Zach’s second one-on-one was with Brooklyn and it was a pretty standard driving ATVs and smooching on the beach outing.

Zach said he wanted Brooklyn to open up and he got his wish at dinner, when she told a harrowing story about being in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship for six years with a man just like her father. (Apparently ABC warned viewers that discretion was advised before Brooklyn’s story, although I didn’t see the warning here in Canada.)

“I was a shell of the person I was,” Brooklyn said. “I woke up one day and I was like, no, this can’t define me. I truly believe if I wouldn’t have just woke up and got out I can literally guarantee I would not be sitting here right now.”

Zach told Brooklyn how sorry he was she had gone through that. “You are so fucking tough,” he said. And I think she would have to be to escape the abuse and rebuild her self-esteem the way she apparently has.

After Zach handed over the rose they danced and kissed as an apparently nameless man sang and played guitar.

Then it was rose ceremony time.

Once he’d sent Anastasia home, Zach wasted no time doling out kisses to favourites like Charity and Kat.

Kylee Russell chats up Zach on the group date, before the deluge of tears.

Kylee cried a lot after Anastasia left, initially because she said she didn’t want to be the cause of someone going home — although what did she think was going to happen after she told Zach about the Instagram stuff? — but really because she was afraid she would be collateral damage in the drama.

She wasn’t the only one getting teary. Davia could sense her connection with Zach dwindling. She made a valiant effort to rekindle, but when Zach talked about their “fast, hot connection” in the past tense and gave her a kiss that seemed more polite than passionate, it was clear it was time for Davia to join the “Bachelor in Paradise” talent roster.

Despite Kylee’s carrying on — at one point she told Mercedes she was going to self-eliminate because she couldn’t handle the rose ceremony — she got her damn rose. So did Charity, Kaity, Gabi, Jess, Mercedes, Aly and Greer, leaving Davia and Genevie to go home.

Next week, the chosen 11 head to London with Zach, where Jesse shares “some really bad news” that leaves everybody crying and Jesse saying, “The million dollar question now is what are we gonna do?”

You can watch Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv and you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo