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Tag: Gabi

Bachelor finale recap: Another woman sacrificed to drama

March 28, 2023 /
Zach Shallcross waits on a beach in Thailand to do what everyone knew he was going to do all along. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

So ABC, can we finally cut the crap?

The (un)reality series “The Bachelor” had a “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain” moment on Monday’s season finale, very nearly openly revealing just how much of a sham it is.

That it did so at the expense of a brokenhearted woman is to its producers’ shame, as well as ours for going along with the nonsense season after season after season.

To no one’s surprise, even those of us who don’t read the spoilers, Zach Shallcross proposed to Canadian nurse Kaity Biggar in the episode, sending Vermont account executive Gabi Elnicki home — but not before Gabi called him out for stringing her along.

Gabi reacts to being told she’s not the one for Zach.

As she stood on the proposal platform in Krabi, Thailand, getting the “I’ve been falling in love with you, but . . . ” speech from Zach, Gabi made him stop: “I’ve known it was coming,” she said of the breakup. “What I don’t know is why you didn’t tell me when you knew.”

Zach claimed that he didn’t “fully” make his decision until the night before in bed, but Gabi interrupted: “You’ve known, you’ve known.”

And there’s the crux. Sure, Bachelors can compartmentalize, they can have feelings for multiple women, but don’t tell me that with a potentially life-changing decision like a proposal on the line they wait until the last possible moment to make up their minds.

The “I can’t decide between two women” conceit is a fiction that Zach agreed to uphold as part of making a TV show. Gabi laid bare the toll it takes on the woman who, in her words, is “strung along” for the sake of sticking to the formula.

“I never thought someone who said they were falling in love with me would make me go through that,” Gabi told host Jesse Palmer after she watched the debacle in front of a studio audience.

“That last day, when you prepare a speech and you have hours and hours and hours of interviews, and you get ready and you spend all morning waiting and waiting and waiting, and I remember having the thought in the back of my head, ‘Zach would never make you go through this.’

“Even though I had that gut feeling of (not being the one) I didn’t think somebody who cared about me would make me go up there, and go through all of that stress and anxiety, and just the entire day just to — I mean I felt humiliated.”

But Zach made her go through it; Zach played the game.

And that wasn’t even the worst of the betrayal.

Gabi told Jesse that until she watched the fantasy suites episode she didn’t know Zach had told “everyone” about them having sex, a decision they had agreed was going to be just “between us.”

“So for me to see that, it was beyond a TV show for me,” Gabi said crying. “I feel ashamed from a moment that felt like love to me.”

She added, “I thought it was love, I thought it was more than a TV show. I get it, sex sells, but now I’ve become a narrative and it’s really painful . . . it’s a part of me that I’ll never get back that I shared with him and it’s extremely violating that the entire nation knows everything.”

Gabi lays out her pain for Zach on the “Bachelor” finale.

And what did Zach have to say for himself? Not much.

Time was short because the finale was on a schedule but, hey, we really, really needed to have Sean and Catherine Lowe in the hot seat so Sean could pretend that, yes, Zach had a tough choice to make, even though Sean and everybody else knew he’d made it weeks ago. Also, so “The Bachelor” could once again trot out its only real success story in 27 seasons. It’s funny, though, that Sean gives God more credit for his life with Catherine than “this sometimes silly reality TV show.”

But back to Zach. He told Gabi there was no excuse for the way he handled things, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, he was sorry from the bottom of his heart, etc.

It was a variation of what he said to Ariel Frenkel when she took him to task earlier for not telling her he’d had sex with Gabi — she didn’t find out until she watched the episode — and for arbitrarily making sex a no-go when he and Ariel had their fantasy suite date.

Ariel was her usual poised, mature self talking to Zach.

“I want to know why the other women were given grace and honesty and I wasn’t given that respect,” Ariel said to applause and cheers.

Also, “by putting sex off the table you made the entire week about sex” — which, no doubt, was the producers’ intention.

“I want you to understand you also took away my agency . . . You took away my ability to even have a conversation. If you had waited you would have found out I was on the same page as you” about not having sex that week, Ariel told Zach.

I have nothing but good things to say about Ariel and Gabi, who were both done dirty by a franchise that has proven over and over again that it will sacrifice anybody’s well-being, particularly women’s, if it means creating a juicy plot line.

But they weren’t the only women disrespected on Monday.

Sure, Kaity got the “prize,” engagement to Zach, but ABC also did her a dirty by upending the usual order of things, by interspersing the “After the Final Rose” interviews with footage of the events in Thailand instead of leaving “ATFR” to the final hour like they did in the old days.

Zach pops the question to Kaity in Thailand.

How were viewers supposed to enjoy the emotional and, for Zach and Kaity, joyous proposal just minutes after we watched Gabi pour out her anguish onstage?

Once the seemingly genuinely happy couple were together in the hot seat, Zach told Jesse, “When I saw her at the last chance date, I saw her and I thought to myself, ‘It’s you, it’s always been you,’ and I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman.

“And obviously, the show, had to wait it out a little bit, couldn’t say anything. I just knew she was my wife.”

And since Gabi’s last chance date came after Kaity’s, or at least was presented that way in the episode, it certainly puts the lie to all that “I didn’t make up my mind till the night before the proposal” nonsense, doesn’t it?

What else can I say? Kaity and Zach said they’re moving in together in Austin, Texas, in the summer and hope to get married in 2025. I wish them well. I hope they make a go of it.

The episode ended with a sneak peek of Charity Lawson’s “Bachelorette” season as we watched her brother, Nehemiah, turn up at the mansion and put on a disguise so he could become the “undercover brother” and find out more about the men.

Frankly, given the franchise’s overall level of disrespect, I think it will take more than a caring brother to protect her from the drama that will be inflicted on her in her season.

Will I continue recapping “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette”? I’m not sure right now that I have the stomach for it, but I’ve been here before and got sucked back in. I will definitely be back in May to follow “Bachelor in Paradise Canada.”

You can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Bachelor recap: Zach says no, then yes to sex and blabs about it

March 21, 2023 /
Kaity, Ariel and Gabi wait for Zach Shallcross to hand out the roses on “The Bachelor.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos but screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

Do you remember the good old days of “The Bachelor” when what happened in the fantasy suites stayed in the fantasy suites?

Yes, it was all nudge, nudge, wink, wink, doors closing and lights going out, to give the impression that the Bachelor was doing the horizontal mambo, but nobody was bonking and talking back then so we didn’t end up with scenes like we had Monday night where Zach had sex with one woman and felt compelled to tell another woman about it.

At first glance it seems like a ridiculous — and yes, selfish — thing to do and I’m not saying it isn’t. But it also seems like absolute confirmation that Kaity Biggar will be the last one standing after next week’s season finale.

After all, Zach told host Jesse Palmer that “everyone” needed to be aware that he had broken his no-sex vow with Gabi Elnicki, but it sure looked like Ariel Frenkel went home without knowing bupkis about Zach and Gabi’s night in the sack.

If that was indeed the case — and it wasn’t just the editing out of a conversation — then Zach clearly wanted to fess up specifically to Kaity so she wouldn’t be blindsided after he proposed to her.

Hold that thought while we examine how we got into this mess.

Zach lays down the fantasy suite law with Jesse Palmer: No sex!

It started with Zach having the much promoted conversation with Jesse about how there would be “no sex of any kind” in the fantasy suites, which in and of itself raises questions. So no second or third base then?

He said having sex could “muddy the situation” and that was “not how a healthy engagement should start.” But then, couldn’t you just have sex only with the woman you planned to propose to? So many questions.

Also, Zach confirmed he did not have sex with Rachel Recchia in their fantasy suite, not that I’m surprised. Jesse talked about how Zach “got your heart ripped out of your chest” on that overnight and Zach acknowledged that he learned things about Rachel that night “for the worse.” And we would all love to know what that means.

But never mind, it was time for Zach’s overnight date with Ariel. And let’s be honest: we knew he was going to have a whoopsie on one of this dates and we figured it was going to be with her.

Ariel and Zach check out a Thai night market before spending the night together.

I mean the woman is hot. Plus Zach kept talking in his voice-over about their physical chemistry: “When I kiss Ariel my body just gets hot, omigod, turn on the AC please.”

But despite Ariel eating bugs with the man at a night market in Thailand and sharing that she was falling in love with him, there was no boom in the room, just some making out in their private pool.

A still chaste Zach left Ariel in her adorable pyjamas after they fed breakfast to each other.

And then it was Gabi’s turn and she was in her head, as they say.

Did Zach and Ariel really pass right by her window on their way to dinner, with Ariel in that amazing strapless dress? I don’t know, but even a ride to a private island in a pirate ship during her date couldn’t lift the cloud of Gabi’s self-doubt.

She told Zach that getting the second fantasy suite date was stressing her out. She even left him alone on the beach to cry to a producer that she felt disgusting and ugly.

Having cried and sweated her makeup off, Gabi lays it on the line for Zach.

“I was never good enough in my previous relationships. I was not enough and I was cheated on. I was chosen second,” she told Zach.

But Zach told Gabi that things were “special” with her and reassured her so tenderly I began to think maybe she was going to be the last one standing after all, especially given the way they kissed and cuddled each other in bed the next morning.

The “cuddle sesh” to which Gabi alluded turned out to be a euphemism, however.

Zach spilled the beans to Jesse: he and Gabi had sex.

“I feel terrible because I’ve essentially gone against my word,” Zach said.

He added, “I think every woman needs to be at least aware of what actually happened this week because I don’t want there to ever be any secrets,” as Jesse tried to keep the look of incredulousness off his face.

Did Zach really need to tell Kaity or anyone else though? I mean, it would be an elephant in the room down the road for sure. I’m just not convinced the right time to get honest was before he and Kaity got anywhere near their own fantasy suite.

Nor was Gabi pleased when Zach paid a visit to her room before his date with Kaity to say he was going to be “fully transparent” with everyone else about what she thought was just between them.

Oh yeah, and Zach told Gabi he was falling in love with her, to add another layer of confusion to the proceedings.

But there was Kaity, excited about spending all day and night with Zach.

Zach and Kaity paddle the mangrove forest before the waters got rough.

We’ll leave aside the fact that Zach’s talk about “full transparency” coincided with him and Kaity paddling a glass-bottomed boat through the mangrove forest. And speaking of coincidence, Zach came clean to Kaity during a rain shower while thunder rumbled in the background. And is there money in the “Bachelor” budget for those kinds of special effects?

Zach didn’t name names but told her he had been “intimate.”

And she reacted . . . exactly how you would expect her to react. “Crushed” was the word she used. It’s not that she didn’t realize Zach might have sex with someone else, but she didn’t want to hear about it and I’m with her on that.

Zach tried to patch things up by telling Kaity he could see it being “us” at the end and she was “so special,” and he found it hard to see her upset.

“Like, what did you expect Zach? Do you think I was gonna be like yay?” Kaity asked.

Well, duh. Zach finally seemed to start clueing in that honesty isn’t always the best policy, “Catholic guilt” notwithstanding.

Still, despite Kaity saying she felt distant from him and wondering aloud how she would spend the night with him after his revelation, she kept touching him throughout their conversation. So it wasn’t a shock when Kaity showed up for their fantasy suite and declared that relationships weren’t “always rainbows and butterflies” and they would get through this.

If there was any sex during their overnight, nobody was saying boo about it.

There’s not much to tell about the rose ceremony. It was obvious even during last week’s hometowns that Ariel was the odd woman out.

Zach walked her to the waiting van, telling her she was “the most intriguing, interesting, beautiful, respectful, mature, intelligent woman I’ve ever met.”

And we were treated to the rather bizarre sight of Kaity basically telling Gabi she knew she’d had carnal knowledge of the man they were both hoping to snag. This show, honestly.

“I feel like I’m wearing like an A on my chest. Scarlet letter over here,” said Gabi, and I’m pretty sure she was referring to the 1850 Nathaniel Hawthorne novel “The Scarlet Letter” and not the 2010 Emma Stone film “Easy A.”

Gabi wasn’t feeling all that chuffed about having a rose, especially since Zach avoided making eye contact with her.

How will it all turn out in next week’s “stunning” finale, to use Jesse’s word? Probably exactly how we expect with some bumps along the way.

You can watch Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Bachelor recap: Things get sticky on Zach’s hometowns

March 14, 2023 /
Ariel, Charity, Kaity and Gabi await their fates on the hometowns episode of “The Bachelor.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Twenty-seven seasons in, it’s no surprise that brothers, fathers and other family members might want to ask the Bachelor tough questions when their sisters and/or daughters bring him home for vetting.

What is shocking is that families continue to wholeheartedly give those sisters/daughters their approval to pursue this total stranger when three out of four of them are essentially being strung along.

Does anybody really believe that at this late stage of the game, emphasis on “game,” Zach Shallcross doesn’t know to whom he plans to propose?

My guess is that it’s going to be Kaity — and no, I never read spoilers if that’s what’s floating around out there — which means Gabi, Ariel and Charity were just around to fill the mandated number of hometown dates and, likewise, fantasy suites next week.

On Monday, it was Charity’s turn to get handed into an SUV with a declaration that she deserved love that Zach couldn’t give her. And to be honest, it seemed obvious back when Charity got her one-on-one in Estonia that Zach wasn’t going to pick her.

But still, her perfectly lovely family was subjected to having to entertain and feed Zach while he pretended there was a chance in hell she might be the one.

Sitting with Charity’s brother Nehemiah, Zach called Charity “this incredible and special woman,” which is exactly the kind of language he uses for someone he’s about to send home.

Zach visits Charity Lawson in her hometown of Columbus, Georgia.

Asked by Nehemiah what set Charity apart from the other three, Zach said “we felt almost immediately comfortable with each other” and he “didn’t have any doubt that she’s looking for exactly what I’m looking (for), which is forever love.” Neither answer sounds like what you say about the woman of your dreams.

Nonetheless, after Charity had heartfelt, touching and tearful conversations with her brother, her father, her mother and her friends, Charity’s mom Vickie told her that “as far as Zach, that’s nothing but a good thing.”

Charity felt confident enough to tell Zach after an evening of line dancing that she was falling in love with him. And when she said she 1,000 per cent could see herself engaged to Zach you just knew her goose was cooked.

Hers was actually the third date of the episode; Gabi’s was the first.

And in keeping with the “Gabi is weird” narrative she and Zach attempted to tap a maple tree in the woods of Pittsford, Vermont, which devolved into a silly bit of sexual innuendo when Zach stuck his finger in the hole and said things like, “Oh, it is wet in there.”

Good lord.

Gabi Elnicki has Zach taste test maple syrup and no, it didn’t end well.

The maple syrup tasting didn’t go much better when Zach picked the fake pancake syrup as his favourite over the three genuine articles. And you’d think Gabi would have learned her lesson about Zach and maple syrup after forcing him to drink it on Night 1 and getting a less than enthusiastic reaction.

The one type of sugar Zach seems to go all in for is on Gabi’s lips. Last week they were kissing against a wall; this week it was a tree.

They disengaged eventually so that Zach could meet Gabi’s father, mother, sister and two brothers.

Big bro Evan wanted to know Zach’s full intentions. That “comfort” word came up again, but Zach also said Gabi was “someone I could see a future with,” which he more or less repeated to mom Stephanie.

Stephanie reserved judgment whereas father Kevin was more optimistic, having fallen in love with Gabi’s mom in a day after meeting her in a lunchroom — although I doubt he was dating three other women at the same time.

Gabi told Zach she could see a future with him but also cried because “this hurts.”

“We’re gonna get through this,” Zach reassured her and I suspect they will, at least until final two.

From the woods to the metropolis, Zach’s next date was with Ariel in New York City.

So no maple syrup, but there was pizza, a beef tongue sandwich, gefilte fish and espresso martinis.

Zach and Ariel Frenkel eat some carbs in Lower Manhattan.

Zach seemed enthused over learning about Ariel’s Jewish heritage — her parents, she said, fled the Soviet Union due to antisemitic persecution and built a life to be proud of in New York — less so about meeting the brother who had offered to beat up her ex-boyfriends.

Brother Bobby definitely had questions and his first one really seemed to stump Zach.

“At the end of the day, my sister’s the one choosing you, so why should she choose you?”

“Great question,” said Zach, which is what people usually say when they have no idea how to answer.

“Great answer,” retorted Bobby as Zach hemmed and hawed. He eventually came up with his “big heart” and being “a pretty good cook.” And that was not a great answer.

Nor could he tell Bobby Ariel’s birthday or her middle name, but he doesn’t need to know those things to kiss Ariel, which seems to be Zach’s main interest.

Ariel’s father Feliks who, alas, did not bring up orgies, said that Zach seemed very nice but, given Ariel was just one of four women, “Why am I expected to be 100 per cent when the other answer could be 25 per cent?” Why indeed?

Nonetheless, he told Ariel he trusted her judgment. And she seemed to trust Zach, telling him she was definitely falling for him.

“I’m gonna let myself enjoy these emotions and be intensely happy,” she said.

Frontrunner Kaity got the very last date, which was also kind of in Zach’s hometown since he too lives in Austin, Texas.

Kaity could hardly be expected to show him around, especially since she had been there just a few weeks, so instead they went grocery shopping and bonded over cinnamon cereal.

Zach and Kaity Biggar enjoyed running errands in Austin.

Then Kaity took Zach to her house where he put together an Ikea bookshelf, screwed in lightbulbs and set up her mattress.

He was not at all put off. “If it’s Kaity and I at the end of this, this is gonna be a great insight into what life would look like,” Zach said, although presumably he wouldn’t be putting furniture together every week.

Mind you, we were led to believe it could all be for naught since Kaity said she couldn’t be with Zach without the approval of her mother, who had raised her after her father and stepfather both split.

Did her mother, Anne, give the OK? What do you think?

Anne couldn’t help but notice how “handsy” Zach and Kaity were with each other after they arrived. And Zach gave Anne more assurances than he’d given any other parent, saying he could “100 per cent see a future with Kaity” and could “absolutely see myself falling in love with her.”

Yep, Kaity for the win.

Speaking of 100 per cent, that’s how much Anne said she would support Kaity being with Zach moving forward. So Kaity told Zach she was falling in love with him.

There was nothing left to do at that point but for Sean Lowe to have another of his totally voluntary and not at all contractual visits with Zach (at least Sean didn’t have to see Zach stripped to his pecs again although there was yet another gratuitous Zach shower scene at the start of the episode).

Zach pretended he didn’t know whom he was going to send home and Sean made sympathetic comments about how brutal that was going to be, “but I’m proud of you so far.”

Zach also got moral support from host Jesse Palmer with not one but two hugs before he went into the mansion to break Charity’s heart.

After walking her out, Zach told Charity he’d been sick to his stomach all day.

“I know you don’t want to hear this from me, but you deserve all the love and I couldn’t give it to you. I’m grateful to know you,” Zach told Charity before handing her into the SUV and then crying as it pulled away.

Charity was gracious and tearful but also kind of pissed once she was alone.

“It makes no fucking sense to me,” she said. “I can’t give you the love you deserve. Like I don’t know what that means. I don’t know what it frickin’ means.”

Maybe she got to ask Zach that question during “The Women Tell All,” which airs Tuesday night at 8 p.m. on Citytv. I’m afraid I won’t be recapping that one. I’ve got too much to do this week for double “Bachelor.”

Next week it’s the “no sex, OK, yes sex” fantasy suites episode when Zach apparently gets intimate with someone and upsets everyone else. And does what happens in the fantasy suite not stay in the fantasy suite anymore?

 You can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Bachelor recap: Pip, pip, oh no, as Zach gets COVID in London

February 21, 2023 /
Jess, Brooklyn, Mercedes, Kat, Kaity, Aly, Kylee and Ariel, next to a royal guard, on a Zach-less group date. PHOTO CREDIT: All photos but screen grabs Craig Sjodin/ABC

Forget Brexit, how about a vexit?

Two of the women who joined Bachelor Zach Shallcross in London, England, on this week’s episode got sent away during a virtual rose ceremony, the franchise’s first. There was to be no union, European or otherwise, for Mercedes and Kylee after Zach handed out his roses over a video screen.

Why virtual? Zach got COVID . . . or so we were told.

One does wonder why, if he tested positive just two days after he and Gabi were snogging — yes, snogging, not snugging, Kat — all over London she didn’t have to isolate as well.

Be that as it may, Gabi got the only in-person quality time with Zach all week, unless you count Kaity talking to him through the door of his hotel room.

And Gabi got the Cinderella date to boot, upgraded to queen for a day since they were in the U.K.

Zach and Gabi Elnicki sample scents made for famous folks at Floris.

It began with a visit to Floris, perfumer to the royal family and other mucky-mucks — apparently the scent created for Winston Churchill smelled “old man-y” according to Zach. Is that better or worse than smelling like “Sour Patch Kids” or “Christmas with a little bit of weed,” which is how Gabi described some of the scents they sampled as they created their own bespoke perfume, which they named, um, Zabi.

Zach and Gabi get a visit from some royally pedigreed corgis.

Next up, Grant Harrold, former butler to King Charles III, treated Zach and Gabi to a royal afternoon that included sipping the queen’s cocktail (Dubonnet and gin, Google tells me), trying on tiaras and hats, cavorting with corgis apparently descended from the royal bloodline, enjoying high tea and playing dress-up with what I presume were designer gowns.

This allowed Gabi to reveal that she had struggled with body image issues, but Zach’s reactions to the dresses she tried on were making her feel “the most special I’ve ever felt in my life.”

She chose a frothy, blue confection to wear to dinner, which Zach declared “insane.”

Gabi picks a dress to wear to dinner on her one-on-one.

The real fun came when Gabi returned to the women’s hotel suite, laden with bags of swag, including Jimmy Choo sandals.

You didn’t need Edward from Floris to tell you the scent in the room was envy with a top note of tears.

That was especially true for first impression rose winner Greer, who felt that the fact she loves tea entitled her to a one-on-one in London.

She cried enough tears to fill a teapot and I’m talking about a big-ass Brown Betty.

Now, I know Greer isn’t a fan favourite because of tweets she wrote in 2016 defending blackface, but I confess to being a bit puzzled at the seeming trend to consign first impression rose winners on “The Bachelor” to group date hell.

Nice touch by the producers, though, setting up Greer’s meltdown in front of the door to Gabi’s room. Gabi had to get Greer and Charity, who was comforting Greer, to move as she swished past with her bags of loot. Way to rub “dirt in the wound,” to use Greer’s words.

Gabi’s dream date wasn’t over since she still had dinner with Zach ahead of her. I’m not sure what venerable old building they were in, just that it had lots of wood, mullioned windows and candlelight, but Zach assured Gabi he knew things wouldn’t always be this “extravagant.”

Zach and Gabi enjoy a swanky pretend dinner.

“Who’s the person you want to wake up every morning and do life with?” Zach said.

“I had the experience last season where I thought I knew someone and then learned I didn’t. That was devastating to me. I want that long-lasting love.”

Oooh, another dig at Rachel Recchia!

“I think it’s the little things that make somebody feel so loved,” replied Gabi.

Like, say, Zach making her feel beautiful just by looking at her.

Zach told Gabi she was so beautiful it was insane, which appears to be the word of the week. And he was sorry she hadn’t always felt that way. And she was beautiful inside and out …

And just hurry up already, give her the rose and then you can go dance and kiss to UB40 — yes “Red Red Wine” UB40 — performing “(I Can’t Help) Falling in Love With You.”

So the next day was the group date with Brooklyn, Kat, Aly, Kaity, Ariel, Kylee, Jess, Mercedes and Greer, which is when the wheels came off the double decker bus.

Instead of Zach, host Jesse Palmer showed up with a card, clearly not in Zach’s handwriting, saying he was “a little under the weather” but to enjoy the date and he’d see them soon.

Enjoy? Ha!

Kylee grumbled, “You weren’t too sick to stay up all night with Gabi. You’re not gonna be too sick to go on a one-on-one with Charity tomorrow.”

From left clockwise, Aly, Brooklyn, Greer, Kat, Ariel, Mercedes, Kaity, Kylee and Jess pose on the bus.

“Today sucks,” complained Kaity after they had piled onto a double decker bus for a tour of the city. Ariel said the bagpiper playing “Amazing Grace” in the cold “sounded like a funeral.” And it rained, although one wonders why they didn’t just move inside the bus, you know, to the other level, as in double decker?

Guzzling pints in the Grapes pub did wonders for their moods, though. (Fun fact, it’s one of the oldest pubs in London, according to its website. Charles Dickens used to hang there and actor Ian McKellen is one of the leaseholders.)

Mercedes follows the well-worn path of other annoying tourists in London.

They were feeling perky enough to squish into an old red phone booth — “Who farted?” — eat fish and chips (Mercedes smelling hers first was kind of priceless), and tease a fellow dressed as a royal guard with annoying questions and twerking. Was he really a royal guard? Unclear. He did appear to be standing in front of the Indonesian embassy, but would a royal guard be caught on camera contemptuously raising his eyebrow as the women walked away?

Anyway, the ladies had their game faces and fanciest duds on as they awaited Zach at the after-party only to have a gentleman in a bow tie and dinner jacket deliver a “message from Zachary.”

Yup, still sick, not coming.

If the women were concerned for Zach’s health at this stage, we didn’t see it.

Kat and Kaity cried. Kylee wondered “what is even the point?” Brooklyn said that “selfishly I feel stood up.” Greer doubled down and said she’d been stood up twice.

They consoled themselves by all taking a petal from the discarded date rose.

It was pretty obvious by this point that Charity wasn’t going to get her one-on-one the next day, which she described as “like a toy dangling in my face” that she really wanted. “I don’t know why this happened,” she said.

Well, because Zach got diagnosed with COVID-19, according to Jesse.

It was Zach’s worst nightmare, Jesse said, apparently not because he had a disease that can sometimes be lethal, but because he was losing “quality time” with the women. Priorities, am I right?

Greer managed to muster up, “I just hope he’s OK.”

Kaity, who’s a nurse, was ostensibly so concerned about Zach being all alone in his room with his mind racing — and maybe, I don’t know, feeling sick? — that she took a gift basket to Zach’s room, which was obviously all about making Zach feel better and not about solidifying her position as a front-runner.

Nurse Kaity brings Zach a gift basket because souvenirs are what COVID patients really want.

After a cursory “how are you doing?” she launched into monologue about how not knowing when she’d see Zach again “has taken a toll on me because I’m here for you,” and “I’m just scared that momentum is gonna fall flat” and “I see a future with you.”

Hell of a door-side manner, that Kaity.

Zach assured her he was excited she was there and he saw “something with you,” which sounds a little vague to me, but Kaity was happy enough to leave him the hell alone.

The answer to Jesse’s earlier question — “How do we move forward?” — was the answer many of us came up with during the pandemic: do it on video.

So Zach held a video cocktail party, speaking to the women individually from the screen of a tablet.

I won’t bore you with the inanities of the various chats, except to say that Charity was gifted with a replica of Big Ben that some production lackey obviously bought and hid behind a pillow in the room where Zach held virtual court.

Greer talks up her chances with Charity and Brooklyn before her disaster of a chat.

Greer’s turn came and wow, awkward. First she sat too far away from the tablet; then she said she was glad she couldn’t see herself onscreen because she’d probably just look at herself instead of Zach. And when she tried to commiserate by comparing Zach missing dates because of COVID to her missing her sales goal because of COVID, Zach seemed to take offence.

Finding his future wife “means a lot more to me than the end of a sales quarter,” he chided Greer.

If I were Greer I would figure I was going home too, but when Zach virtually handed out his roses — looking solemn on a large screen as the women picked them up from a basket on a table — Greer got the last one. Go figure.

Kaity, Charity, Aly, Kat, Brooklyn, Jess and Ariel also got roses, so nine women are moving on to wherever they end up next week.

The end-of-episode promo previewed the rest of the season rather than the next episode and it looks like there might be some non-fantasy suite hanky panky in Zach’s future, although these things can be deceiving.

You can watch Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv and you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

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