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Tag: The Bachelorette (Page 3 of 3)

One man’s ‘Bachelor audition’ gets cut short on Bachelorette

June 29, 2021 /
Katie Thurston lays some truth on Thomas Jacobs at the rose ceremony.
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC

Remember this night, Bachelorette fans.

There will undoubtedly be frustrating moments in the weeks ahead. Next week alone, everybody will get mad at Blake Moynes and it seems like Hunter is going to try to kill somebody. But we will always be able to look back on the night that Katie Thurston told Thomas to take his fake ass home and it will be like balm to our troubled souls.

“Your Bachelor audition ends tonight, so get out.”

I want those words on a T-shirt.

The Bachelorette producers, cruel puppet masters that they are, had just pulled off a great fakeout.

We’d spent huge chunks of the episode listening to people talk about Thomas not being there for the right reasons. Even at the cocktail party, even though it was after freakin’ midnight, people wouldn’t stop talking about Thomas. I’m with Katie: it was exhausting.

But it seemed like she had finally decided Thomas wasn’t worth keeping around, or so she told co-hosts Tayshia Adams and Kaitlyn Bristowe. There was one rose left. Katie picked it up, sighed . . . and called Thomas’s name. And the show cut to a commercial with everyone at home feeling like Justin’s face looked.

Justin Glaze’s face, not exactly as shown the moment Thomas’s name was called but close enough.

Yeah, I was pissed. I thought Katie had caved to production demands just to buy another week of the “everybody in the house hates Thomas” drama.

But when Thomas walked up to Katie to get his rose, she took a step backward. “You told me things I wanted to hear, but what I learned about you tonight is you’re selfish,  unkind and a liar,” she said before circumventing his “Bachelor audition.”

So Katie is back in my Bachelorette Hall of Fame.

Going into Monday’s episode I was on the fence about whether Thomas was as manipulative as the other guys said. Sure, he admitted that when he came on the show he was interested in becoming the next Bachelor, but I find it hard to believe that thought didn’t cross other men’s minds.

What convinced me he was faking his feelings for Katie was when he interrupted her just as she was about to start handing out roses to apologize to her for “any moment I wasn’t here for the right reasons” and to the other men “for any moments of disrespect.” It reeked of desperation and self-interest. If the guy really believed he and Katie had a solid relationship he would have kept his mouth shut and let the chips fall.

So yes, Katie seems to have a knack for quickly jettisoning the jerks, like she did with Karl. Now what?

Well, Blake Moynes is what. As promised last week, he’s back. (Didn’t you love all the nonsense about keeping his identity hidden until the moment Katie walked up to him? Um, hello, he was in the promo last week?)

Sorry folks, ABC didn’t have current photos of Blake available so here he is with Clare Crawley.

Given my soft spot for Canadian contestants, I’d like to give Blake the benefit of the doubt and think he’s not just a reality TV fame whore or someone who has a Bachelorette fetish, but it’s hard — especially considering the bullshit explanation for why he didn’t join at the very beginning of the season.

Tayshia, whose season Blake was on as well as Clare Crawley’s truncated season, visited Katie to tell her an unnamed “someone” from her past wanted to meet Katie because he thought they would be “an amazing match.” He didn’t show up at the start of the season because he wasn’t sure he wanted “to throw himself back into the wild, crazy roller-coaster this is.”

Sure. Because showing up four weeks into the season and aggravating the men who’ve been there since the start, that’s so much easier.

Even though Katie thought Blake was handsome and they had exchanged DMs after her “Bachelor” appearance, she rightfully expressed some skepticism: “It is concerning that you dated, at this point, two Bachelorettes. If you stay I will now be your third Bachelorette.”

But with a rose going begging after Thomas’s ouster — no, she didn’t give it to Christian, Conor C or David — Katie decided her gut (maybe with the help of a producer?) was telling her to explore things with Blake, so she woke him up in the middle of the night, half-naked in his room, to tell him he could stay. And he locked himself out in the hallway in his boxer shorts and hoodie.

What else happened?

Things got hot on the group date, as in habanero pepper hot. Sure Tayshia, Kaitlyn and Katie
laughed at Greg, then they tried the hot peppers themselves.

There was a group date on which for a whole 19 minutes or so nobody talked about Thomas. Instead they did ostensibly fun “dares” like eat platters full of Twinkies and chocolate cake and mashed potatoes; eat habanero peppers and “propose”; get their butts waxed (that was Tre); and “whisper sweet nothings” into a giant ear, not realizing that Katie and Tayshia and Kaitlyn were listening in.

On that front, Andrew S took his Duke of Hastings impression to a whole other level with his sexy talk. Front-runner Greg, on the other hand, talked about, er, the 50 states? “Everything’s bigger in Texas,” he said — which might have made sense if he wasn’t from New Jersey.

Greg had better luck later at the after-party when Katie told him she was starting to fall for him, although Andrew S upped the competition by serving Katie a plate full of Taco Bell and Lunchables.

But Tre scooped the rose away from both of them by sharing his suspicions with Katie that Thomas was being manipulative, a move that Andrew S vehemently disagreed with because he said it would cause needless drama. But then Josh and Conor and Christian and Andrew M all piled on, telling Katie they agreed with Tre.

It was inevitable that Thomas would make a play to save his ass, which he did by showing up at Katie’s suite before the rose ceremony. He complained that his integrity and character had been “demonsterized,” whatever the hell that means, and the only thing getting him through the unpleasantness was “an opportunity to be with you.”

Katie said he was “perfect” and “Prince Charming,” which kind of made me gag a little, although it turned out all right in the end.

You want to know who the real Prince Charming is? Michael.

Katie said Michael helped her figure out “what I want, what I deserve.”

When everybody else was getting their tighty whities in a knot at the cocktail party over whether Thomas would stay or go, he avoided the topic so as not to add to Katie’s stress, instead telling her how much he liked and missed her and that he was starting to imagine a life with her outside “The Bachelorette.”

“The person you are is exactly the person I have been seeking,” he told her and, you know, when he says stuff like that I believe him.

Katie moves into Week 5 with 14 guys left, including Blake. And yes, some of the other 13 will be hostile toward Blake, which is to be expected. And Hunter will apparently get aggressive in some kind of ball game (sorry folks, I’m not sporty) and somebody will get hurt, but whether those two things have anything to do with each other remains to be seen.

You can tune in Mondays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

There’s a new villain and a new frontrunner on The Bachelorette

June 22, 2021 /
Katie Thurston with the survivors of the delayed rose ceremony on “The Bachelorette.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC

It was story time on Monday’s episode of “The Bachelorette.”

One man told stories — fibs really — and got sent home. Other men told unflattering stories about themselves on a group date and gained Katie’s trust. One contestant shared a particularly sad story that brought him and Katie together. And another guy, well, it doesn’t matter what stories he tells. None of the other men believe a word that comes out of his mouth.

As the episode began, we picked up where we left off last week with Karl making up crap about other men not being there for the right reasons, the rest of the guys freaking out at him (Tre: “Is this ‘The Twilight Zone’ we’re in?”) and Katie adding to the commotion by saying she was too rattled to talk to anyone anymore and was going straight to the rose ceremony — which, of course she was because hello, producer manipulation much?

Would Katie call Karl Smith on his nonsense and send him home?

The only question was whether Karl would get to stick around to stir up more shit, which seemed possible given how these things usually roll.

And then Mike, bless his virgin heart, spoke up mid-rose ceremony and told Katie that all the other men thought Karl was lying, which sent Katie to seek the counsel of co-hosts Tayshia Adams and Kaitlyn Bristowe, whose very helpful advice amounted to “never mind the men, do whatever you want.”

It would have been disappointing albeit predictable if Katie, after making her name confronting bullies on Matt James’ season of “The Bachelor,” let Karl stay just to up the drama quotient. Luckily, she dumped him and the motivational speaker skulked out without saying a word to her or even giving an exit interview; at least that’s how it was edited.

Also getting the heave-ho were Kyle (admit it, you’re not even sure who that is) and fan favourite John.

One villain down and then it was group date time. And speaking of villains, there was Nick Viall, former “Bachelorette” villain and “Bachelor in Paradise” hero turned mediocre “Bachelor,” drafted as some sort of group therapy coach as Aaron, Quartney, James, Connor B, David, Justin, Thomas, Hunter and Brendan were made to sit in a circle and fess up to crappy things they’d done in their pasts.

Nick Viall popped up on “The Bachelorette” to help hold the men “accountable.”

Nick didn’t have to lead by example so there was no mention of, say, fornicating and telling by talking about the sex you had with the Bachelorette in the fantasy suite on national TV.

The confessions ranged from anticlimactic (David saying he put his career ahead of love) to kind of heartwrenching.

Hunter tearfully described how his marriage imploded because he was so busy working to make money to give his two kids “everything” that he and his wife drifted apart. And Connor, a.k.a. the Cat, recounted how he became an angry drunk while working as a musician in a piano bar and cheated on his girlfriend one night while he was loaded and high.

Katie even made a confession of her own, about a non-consensual sexual encounter, i.e. an assault, one New Year’s Eve that led to her having an unhealthy relationship with sex for a number of years.

But the revelation that made everyone’s Spidey senses tingle (except maybe Katie’s) was Thomas talking about how he initially came on “The Bachelorette” to build “a great platform” and even went on a date the week before he left for filming given his low expectations of actually finding romance. But now, he insisted to Katie, “the feelings I have for you are real.”

Some of the bloom came off Night 1 standout Thomas on Monday’s episode.

To her credit, Katie later pressed Thomas for details of the “red flags” he had mentioned earlier in the day. He didn’t answer her question, just babbled about their connection and how “every single day I’m here this gets realer and realer.”

Thomas seemed to be fixated on getting the date rose, so much so that he double dipped, interrupting Aaron’s time with Katie — while Aaron was talking about his father’s stroke, no less — to take another at-bat. And it was … very confusing.

“What I feel with you . . . is fear and love are two very, very similar things rooted in the same concept,” Thomas said. “And when I look at you and the things that I feel with you, I feel both of those so strongly at the same time.” Say what now?

Katie claimed to be impressed with Thomas’s passion, but I think she just wanted to kiss him.

The date rose went to Connor instead for showing “strength” and “courage” by telling his drunken cheating story.

Speaking of stories, Michael (not to be confused with Mike) had a very raw and real one to tell Katie on the week’s one-on-one date.

Single dad Michael leaped to front-runner status after Monday’s episode.

First there was off-roading in a dune buggy (which Katie managed to flip without Michael in it) and imbibing bubbly in a field, during which it was clear the two have some real chemistry. But let’s be honest, we’re all falling in love with Michael, especially after he said things like “I always hear this ends in an engagement, but it begins with an engagement” and “My life’s better because of you right now.” Swoon.

The big reveal — for Katie, viewers had already heard the story — came at dinner when Michael told her he was a widower, having lost his beloved wife Laura to breast cancer in January 2019.

“I know what it’s like to love,” Michael said. “I know what it’s like to give everything and I have finally gotten to this place where I’m ready to, like, open up my heart. The way I look at this is what a gift to be able to fall in love twice.”

Rather than feeling intimidated, Katie seemed smitten, telling Michael his love story with Laura was beautiful and would never make her feel insecure.

“My job is to make sure you feel the relationship we create is unique,” Michael reassured her. “I have no doubt we can do that.”

I suspect all over North America viewers were melting into little puddles. Michael and Katie ended the evening stargazing on a rooftop under blankets, sharing kisses.

But lest we get too swept up shipping Katie and Michael, there was more tension between Thomas and the rest of the house the next day.

Aaron declared Thomas a psycho (Aaron does get carried away in his confessionals, saying earlier that Karl should have been “exterminated”).

Hunter asked Thomas point blank if he wanted to be the next Bachelor. Twice Thomas avoided the question before finally saying, “Yes, coming into this one of the thoughts on my mind was potentially being the next Bachelor,” although he insisted he no longer felt that way.

Not that any of the men believed him. And thus, the Thomas drama will continue next week. And apparently interloper Blake Moynes will also make his first appearance.

You can tune in Mondays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Mud gets slung, and wrestled in, on The Bachelorette

June 15, 2021 /
Co-hosts Tayshia Adams, Kaitlyn Bristowe and Bachelorette Katie Thurston oversee yet another potentially violent group date on “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC

Hey y’all, someone’s not here for the right reasons on Katie Thurston’s season of “The Bachelorette.” It might just be the producers.

Monday’s episode was a smorgasbord of the kind of drama that has little to do with Katie actually falling in love with and marrying someone, and everything to do with keeping ratings and social media mentions up.

There was a group date that seemed designed to make the virgin among the contestants as uncomfortable as possible; another group date that paired two men with a beef in a physical confrontation; and the grand finale was a contestant sowing so much doubt in Katie’s mind about whether the other men were there for the right reasons she was left shaking and crying.

Sure, she managed to deepen some connections in between the drama, but the cocktail party turned into a shit show and the rose ceremony was delayed until next episode.

Karl, centre, on the first, sex-themed group date with Justin, left, and Quartney.

At the centre of the brouhaha was Karl Smith, a motivational speaker from Florida. The word on the net is that Karl might be in this thing to gain social media followers and that could be true, but casting doesn’t happen in a vacuum. If Karl is indeed the type of jackass who’d prey on a woman’s insecurities just to get reality TV famous, you think producers didn’t know that going in?

I’ll be honest: I was ready to give Karl the benefit of the doubt after the first bit of tension between him and other men early in the episode, especially given the franchise’s shoddy record with its Black contestants, but by the end, yeah, he just seemed like a jerk.

Next week, we’re promised, the drama continues, with more antagonism between Karl and everyone else in the house, and bad blood between Aaron and Thomas. In the meantime, here’s what was up on Monday.

‘The Greatest Lover of All Time’

Much has been made of the fact that Katie is “sex positive,” so it was inevitable there would be a group date that involved the men talking about sex. It was also inevitable that Mike, the San Diego gym owner who’s saving it for marriage, would be on that date.

Guided by actor, comedian and podcaster Heather McDonald, Christian, Garrett, Tre, Quartney, James, Justin, Thomas, Connor B., Karl and Mike had to answer sex questions — stuff like their favourite sex positions (Mike’s answer was a question mark), a woman’s largest sex organ (nope, not the vagina, the brain) and what piece of clothing increases her chances of having an orgasm (really? socks?).

Tre demonstrated what he’d like to do with Katie using puppets. The safe word was “peaches.”

And then they had to do presentations on what made each of them the greatest lover. It was more about innuendo than raunch, unless you consider hand puppets making out triple X-rated.

When it was Mike’s turn, he read Katie a composition that climaxed with the line “I would wait another 31 years to have sex if it was what proved to you that I would sacrifice everything for you to feel loved and secure.”

Um, yay? Katie bought it, even wiping tears from her eyes, and it won Mike the trophy. But it was Thomas with whom she exchanged steamy smooches at the after-party and who got the date rose. Mike and Connor, who got a redo on his Night 1 kiss, sans cat costume this time, were given honourable mentions.

‘We did make out while he was sitting on a toilet’

First impression rose winner and fan favourite Greg Grippo also got the first one-on-one date, which involved pitching a tent (a real tent, get your mind out of the sex date), turning a bucket into a makeshift toilet, on which Greg sat while he and Katie kissed, and fishing in a river.

Greg and Katie, after they traded a seat on a “toilet” bucket for a log.

The rustic activities — they wore his and hers plaid shirts over hoodies, for gawd’s sake — stirred up lots of emotions in Katie because they reminded her of stuff she used to do with her dad, who died in 2012.

She picked Greg for the meaningful date because “I wanted someone here who I see this going far with,” she said, cementing Greg’s frontrunner status. But a couple of things bothered me. When Katie was struggling to hold back tears as she talked about her father, why didn’t Greg reach out and comfort her? And why did he wait until later at dinner to tell her he’d lost his own father two years before and also had fond memories of them fishing together? Is there some emotional blockage going on or am I reading too much into it?

Once Greg did open up, he couldn’t hold back tears of his own, for which he kept apologizing. But he and Katie ended the evening with fireworks, smooches and mutual admiration.

Katie’s Big Buckle Brawl

This group date started with co-hosts Tayshia Adams and Kaitlyn Bristowe sneaking into the men’s quarters while they were sleeping, waking them up by banging a pot and a cheese grater (?) with spoons and forcing the participants outside in whatever they had on. It appeared no one was sleeping commando.

And then John, Andrew S, Kyle, Josh, Aaron, Brendan, Hunter and Cody had to put on cowboy outfits and then take their shirts off again to mud wrestle each other, so why not just stay in their underwear?

Aaron is declared the winner in his mud-wrestling match with Cody.

The main event was Aaron vs. Cody. We already learned on Night 1 that Aaron had some kind of beef with Cody, whom he knew from San Diego, and obviously the producers knew that too or they would never have been put on the date together.

Their wrestling match was strenuous enough that Katie noticed the tension between them and, after Aaron won the Big Buckle and got to hang out with her alone, she asked him what was up.

It was something about unspecified social media posts, Cody wanting “to become famous” and handling unspecified situations in a “malicious” way, according to Aaron. When Katie confronted Cody and he denied everything Aaron had said, she decided Cody was the one telling fibs and sent him home.

While Katie was off on her own brooding over Cody’s untrustworthiness at the after-party, Andrew made his move and brought her a glass of champagne. And then they bonded over the fact they both grew up poor, sealing their connection with kisses and the date rose. Better luck next time Aaron and Hunter, despite your handwritten letter.

‘I don’t know how tonight could be ruined’

The minute Katie uttered those words you just knew the cocktail party before the rose ceremony was going to hell in a hand basket.

First Karl mused to the other gents seemingly out of the blue that maybe Cody wasn’t the only dude who wasn’t there for the right reasons. Then he told Katie “there are some people who don’t have the best intentions,” but he wouldn’t give her names or examples, and had the nerve to tell her not to “stress about that.” As fucking if.

Of course she stressed. She stressed enough to give the men a teary speech telling them “if you are not here for me, if you are not here for an engagement, then get the fuck out.”

“I don’t know who is here for the wrong reasons, but from what I’ve been told there are multiple people I should be looking out for,” she added.

She even pulled Aaron aside, thinking that after he threw Cody under the bus he could out the other rats, but he was flummoxed. In the meantime, Karl confessed to the other men that he was the one who had sent Katie into a tailspin. “I heard some stuff circulating around,” he said vaguely. “I don’t know specifics 100 per cent.”

Perhaps that’s because there are no “specifics”? As far as I can tell he flat out lied when he claimed he only brought it up because Kate asked him about it first.

Things ended with the rest of the men rightfully pissed off and Katie in a room by herself crying. And we’ll have to wait till next week to see how it’s resolved and who’s getting roses.

You can tune in Mondays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Meet the new Bachelorette, same as the old Bachelorette

June 8, 2021 /
Katie Thurston and some of the dudes who endured quarantine to hang out
with her on “The Bachelorette,” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos, Craig Sjodin/ABC

So here we are again. After a disastrous season of “The Bachelor” that left a bad taste in plenty of mouths, sparked accusations of racism within the franchise and led to the departure of host Chris Harrison, a new season of “The Bachelorette” began Monday and it seems . . . exactly the same as every other season that came before it.

The star in what will be the first of two “Bachelorette” seasons to air this year is Katie Thurston, a 30-year-old marketing manager who became a fan favourite among Matt James’ group of contestants after she sparred with the bully-in-chief and tattled on a couple of the mean girls, but then got friend-zoned by Matt.

On her debut as the one handing out the roses, we had the same unwieldy group of some 30 men, same script about journeys, finding love and so on, same promises of conflict tinged with potential violence, same dumb shit-stirring production manipulations: I mean, hello, Blake Moynes from Clare’s and Tayshia’s combined season is coming back as a late contestant?

Roughly a third of the 23 fellows left standing Monday night were men of colour, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything if they’re only there to give the franchise a sheen of diversity, as we’ve seen in past seasons.

Co-hosts Tayshia Adams, left, and Kaitlyn Bristowe greet Katie before the limos started pulling up.

The only real change was Harrison’s absence and I can’t say it was to the show’s detriment. The presence of past Bachelorettes Kaitlyn Bristowe and Tayshia Adams as co-hosts injected some positive go-girl energy into the proceedings. I mean, can you imagine Harrison munching on popcorn as he watched the limos pull up and shouting encouragement to Katie from a window as she met the men?

So yes, the men. There were 29 of them to start by my count, well, 28 and one half man, half cat.

Katie bonds with Connor B, a math teacher who showed up dressed as a cat.

Connor B, a math teacher and musician from Nashville, separated himself from the pack by showing up dressed as Katie’s favourite animal, although she left her beloved cat Tommy at home during filming. Connor was one of several men who got first-night smooches from Katie, although personally I thought Connor’s kisses looked a bit like my cat attacking a bowl of canned food. Still, he seems nice enough.

Businessman Michael from Ohio also tried to bond over beasts with Katie, in his case a dog named Tommy, although his real love is his 4-year-old son.

There were a few other sweethearts in the bunch, at least based on first impressions.

Thomas, a real estate broker from San Diego County, said he “felt like a third grader trying to talk to a cute girl for the first time” and made Katie blush with his compliments, although he also seems to feature in some of the drama to come.

Tre, a software engineer from Georgia, showed up in a pickup truck with a ball pit in the bed (because Katie’s “a pretty baller Bachelorette”) and they had fun later sitting in the balls sipping drinks.

Katie had chemistry with Justin, an investment sales consultant from Baltimore who painted her a picture of roses and leaned in for the first kiss.

And I got just a touch of Duke of Hastings from “Bridgerton” vibes when Andrew S, a charming pro football player from Chicago by way of Vienna, spoke with a fake British accent.

I also have to put in a word for the Canadian in the bunch, firefighter trainee Brendan from my hometown of Toronto. Just ask Astrid Loch, who’s expecting a baby with fiancé Kevin Wendt, what she thinks of firefighters from Toronto.

Katie pins the first impression rose on early fan favourite Greg.

But my hands down favourite — me and the rest of Bachelor nation — was Greg, the marketing sales rep from New Jersey who won over Katie with his nervous sincerity and a necklace made of pasta by his 3-year-old niece. I mean, come on, the end-of-episode promo showed he and Katie kissing in the rain. I have no idea if Greg makes it to the end (no spoilers please!), but him getting the first impression rose was a given.

Who’s not so great?

There was some weird unexplained beef between Aaron, an insurance agent from San Diego, and Cody, a “zipper sales manager” also from San Diego. Seemingly out of the blue, Aaron told Cody, “I don’t like you, bro. Like, I’ve never liked you.” I can only assume they have some history back home.

Otherwise, no villains emerged on Night 1. There wasn’t even any double dipping on Katie’s time and the snarkery was mild at best, a few digs at Connor’s cat costume and at James, the software salesman from La Jolla, Calif., who spent most of the night in a giant wrapped box so he could be “present” for Katie.

Personally, I was waiting for someone to show up with a vibrator, hearkening back to Katie’s entrance on Matt James’ “Bachelor” season. Cody brought a blow-up doll named Sandy and Miami motivational speaker Karl depicted Katie as a vibrator-wielding princess in the poster he drew for her, but that was it for sex toys.

There were also a couple of random pairs of gitch. Florida technical recruiter Kyle pulled some tighty whities out of his pants and surgical skin salesman Jeff, who drove his motorhome (a.k.a. “Breaking Bad” RV) from New Jersey, apparently left his boxer shorts lying around before inviting Katie in for a tour. Um, yeah, way to keep it classy.

Oh right and there’s a virgin, gym owner Mike, also from San Diego, because we all know how well having virgins on the show has worked out before. Plus, yeah, what a great choice for a Bachelorette who describes herself as “sex positive.”

When all was said and done Katie handed out roses to a few serious contenders and a bunch of group date fodder.

As for what’s ahead, same old it looks like. The promos showed verbal sparring, men knocking each other around on group date challenges, the obligatory call for the medics, men getting naked or nearly so, lots of tears, hints of betrayal, an angry Katie telling guys to “get the fuck out” if they’re not there for her, Katie herself threatening to go home. So all the usual nonsense, but we’re still watching, aren’t we?

You can tune in Mondays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. And you can comment here, visit my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Edited because I said that Michael had a 4-year-old daughter rather than a son. Duh.

Some men tell the truth, one dares to return on ‘Bachelorette’

December 9, 2020 /
Tayshia Adams referees the “teenage boy drama” between Noah and Bennett on “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

At one point on Tuesday’s “Bachelorette” Tayshia Adams talked about feeling like she was on a roller coaster. You want to know what else feels like a roller coaster? Starting the episode with the ridiculous spat between Noah and Bennett but being like “Yay, at least Tayshia sent Bennett home!”; moving on to hear decent guys like Ben and Riley share deeply personal and painful parts of their pasts and feeling like Tayshia might actually end up with a good person; then being rudely dragged back to ridiculousness by Bennett returning to . . . TELL TAYSHIA THAT HE LOVES HER!?!

The most ridiculous part of all? Tayshia seeming swayed enough by Bennett’s bullshit to consider keeping him around.

You don’t need a Harvard degree to know that’s a really bad idea, but it seems that’s exactly what Tayshia is going to do — at least long enough to rile up the other seven dudes who are still duking it out for hometown dates.

I mean god forbid some genuine, heartwarming things happen in an episode without some manufactured drama to counteract the good stuff and stir the pot.

Tayshia started out strong on Tuesday. She sat Noah and Bennett down and told them their beefing sounded like “teenage boy drama.” Then she told Bennett straight up that him saying there was zero chance she’d end up with Noah (although to be honest, he’s right) was him questioning Tayshia’s integrity: “You’re saying I’m not capable of making decisions of someone that’s . . . suited for me in the future.”

The best part was the pissed-off look on Tayshia’s face as Bennett mansplained his way through his theories of EQ (emotional intelligence), ending with the patronizing “You got this. I have every ounce of confidence in my mind and my heart that that is the case.” (What, no “you go girl”?) That was the point at which I knew Bennett was a goner. The only disappointment was that Tayshia didn’t send Noah packing as well — was it the fact he teared up while bemoaning Bennett’s way of talking to people “like they’re less” that saved his ass?

Whatever the case, Noah got to stay for the rose ceremony and then he got a rose — over Ed (sorry to Ed’s bestie, Chris Harrison, but no big loss), Demar (seriously?) and Spencer, who went from first impression rose winner to zero impression. I mean we’ve barely heard a peep from the guy since that first episode when Tayshia seemed infatuated with him.

Next up was a one-on-one date between Tayshia and Ben.

Forget the part where they rode around the resort on scooters looking for clues to an “oasis,” i.e. a different area of the resort. The big event was dinner where Ben’s pain was the main course.

You think last week‘s confession of his eating disorder was enough to win Ben a rose and a hometown date? Nah! “I don’t know if we can actually be something if he doesn’t open up to me,” Tayshia said.

Well, how’s this for opening up? Ben confessed that after growing up in an outwardly perfect but emotionally lacking family, after leaving home at 18 to join the army, after leaving the military and breaking his back, he was in such a dark place that he tried to commit suicide twice.

Ben assured Tayshia that “the person you see before you today isn’t that person” thanks to therapy, which I hope for Ben’s sake is true.

Ben got the rose, obviously, and then it was on to the group date and more painful revelations.

The shtick was that Zac, Brendan, Ivan, Noah and Riley all had to take “lie detector tests,” answering questions about themselves and their feelings for Tayshia. What it looked like was a laptop hooked up to lights — green for truth, red for lies, yellow for “I’m not sure” — that some unseen producer could manipulate.

The key revelations were Zac answering yes to the question “Have you ever cheated on someone?” and Riley getting a red fail light when stating his name.

First things first: Tayshia was all “Cheating is something I won’t tolerate” with Zac, until he explained that the cheating was kissing another girl at the Bowlerama when he was in Grade 6. They had a good laugh together and said they were falling in love with each other.

Earlier in the episode, Riley got Tayshia some cake for their “one week anniversary.”

It was more complicated for Riley, who was driven to tears by the idea of telling Tayshia about his “rocky” family life. Turns out the name he gave during the test — Devon Riley Christian — isn’t the one he was born with. He was originally named Dwayne Henderson Jr. after his father.

The story got a bit disjointed from there: Riley’s father had sole custody of the kids after Riley’s parents divorced and he told Riley stuff that made him resent his mother, but now Riley and his mother are reconciled and his father is “not here,” but whether he’s dead or just not in Riley’s life wasn’t clear. In any event, Riley said he felt he needed to start from scratch in order to “be an honourable man” and so he changed his name.

Tayshia also did some serious bonding with Brendan and was vibing with Ivan and Noah as well (yeah, I don’t get that one either), so I wasn’t surprised when she said she wasn’t ready to hand out the date rose and needed more time to think it over.

But the fact that she had some meaningful interactions with some men who seem like they actually have something to offer made Bennett showing up at her door after the date all the more annoying.

First off, isn’t the fact that Bennett came back after Tayshia sent him home the ultimate questioning of her integrity? Secondly, he gave her the same lame excuse as before about how he never meant to question her decision-making. Except this time he added, “I’m so, so, so sorry” and “I love you.” And Tayshia claimed to be confused and to need a day to consider whether Bennett could stay.

Seriously? Eazy told Tayshia he was falling in love with her and he was gone in a flash (and yes, I have read about the sexual assault allegation against Eazy and if it’s true shame on him, but I liked him during his time on the show way better than Bennett). Bennett tells Tayshia he loves her and she’s all “It’s been a long time since I’ve heard the words ‘I love you’ and it means absolutely everything.”

Actually, I think it means absolutely nothing coming from Bennett’s mouth, but maybe that’s just me.

If Tayshia truly was feeling doubt about sending Bennett away — and I’m at a loss as to why she would — clearly some devious producer exploited that by inviting Bennett back to drop his bombshell. Either that or Tayshia is playing along with the drama.

Speaking of drama, the promo for next week’s two-nighter shows lots of unhappy looking men, Bennett strolling into the cocktail party room with a shit-eating grin, and Tayshia crying a lot and saying she’s done, plus an ornery-looking episode of “Men Tell All.” It airs Monday and Tuesday at 8 p.m. on Citytv.

Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? You can comment here (no spam please) or come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

The talk gets real, the orgasms are fake on ‘The Bachelorette’

November 25, 2020 /
Harvard grad Bennett “proposes” to Tayshia Adams on “The Bachelorette.”
PHOTO CREDIT: All photos Craig Sjodin/ABC

Fake orgasms that would do Meg Ryan proud; not one but two men sneaking around to visit Tayshia (and, um, Chris Harrison); a pillow fight and a game of Twister; and even a serious conversation about Black Lives Matter — there was a lot going on in Tuesday’s episode of “The Bachelorette,” like. A. Lot.

At times it was almost as if other reality shows had insinuated themselves into the proceedings. The group date contestants drinking smoothies with disgusting lists of ingredients like chicken feet and cow intestines made me think a bit of “Survivor.” When Ben and Ed both set off to visit Tayshia in her suite, it was like watching two teams head for the Pit Stop at the end of an “Amazing Race” episode, not knowing which would get there first.

And when Ed got lost and ended up in host Chris Harrison’s suite instead it was the best thing ever.

Whether or not Tayshia Adams is further along in her quest to get hitched, we viewers are further along in our journey to fall in love with the show again after the season’s weird and frustrating start.

We ended the night with a classic bit of franchise drama when Noah claimed the other men were questioning Tayshia’s integrity, which got Tayshia so riled up she gave them a dressing down and cancelled the rest of the cocktail party, which then led to even more shade being thrown at Noah. Good times.

It all started off innocently enough. Eight of the 16 men who were left had to write and perform love songs for Tayshia. None of them could sing — or rap, for that matter.

Bennett worked his Harvard degree into his verses, of course; Blake played, and I use that word loosely, an accordion and a mandolin; Demar whipped up a little ditty he called “Mocha Latte”; but it was Ivan who took it home by inviting Tayshia up on the makeshift stage for his sentimental “rap.”

Ivan and Tayshia at last week’s “grown man challenge.” This week, he got to jump on her actual bed.

Ivan won the prize, a night in Tayshia’s suite, and it was the most pandemic-friendly date we’ve seen all season. Tayshia wore sweatpants; they ordered in room service; they played “the floor is lava” and Twister and went barefoot lawn bowling and had a pillow fight.

Things got serious when Ivan and Tayshia started talking about their families. He revealed, tears running down his cheeks, that his younger brother had spent four years in jail and gone through “some really dark times,” including getting beaten up by prison guards.

“Especially with George Floyd and that’s police brutality, and that’s something that really hit home for me,” Ivan said, referring to the Black man killed by a white police officer in Minneapolis in May, whose death kicked off worldwide Black Lives Matter protests.

Tayshia got so emotional thinking about the subject she couldn’t speak.

“I don’t know why it does so much but it’s like, it hurts a lot,” she said when she regained her voice.

They also talked about what it was like to grow up being mixed race, surrounded by people who didn’t look like them, and how inspirational it was to see so many people come together for the Black Lives Matter movement.

“We’re both biracial, have Black dads and have this beautiful love story developing. This is so big,” Ivan said.

It was no wonder that by the end of the date Tayshia described Ivan as really special. “He understands me more than anybody else can.”

It was a rare, refreshing dose of reality, as opposed to reality TV.

But then a new day dawned and a new group date, and it was back to silliness.

Becca Kufrin and Sydney Lotuaco help Tayshia out with her group date.

Six of the men played “Tayshia’s Truth or Dare” overseen by her friends, former “Bachelorette” Becca Kufrin and former “Bachelor” contestant Sydney Lotuaco.

The first part of it was all dares: chugging the aforementioned gross smoothies; interrupting Harrison at his lunch of crab legs and Veuve Clicquot to get him to sign their butt cheeks; eating habanero peppers and “proposing” to Tayshia, but the best — or worst, depending on your point of view — was faking orgasms over a loudspeaker so the rest of the resort could hear.

Think Meg Ryan from “When Harry Met Sally,” but louder and lewder. “I would direct him to the ER if I heard that,” quipped Becca after Kenny’s turn, which included the well known erotic phrase “Back up, back up.”

“Wow, he’s flexible, he’s bendy,” Becca said after Blake threw his leg up on a dais in the throes of fake passion.

Bennett, whom I’ve regarded as mainly comic relief up to this point, got carried away with the faux proposal. “Today was incredibly real in my mind and in my heart,” he said. “It’s the most exhilarating thing I’ve ever been a part of.”

Tayshia and Zac hang out on a previous date; hot tub not included.

Tayshia seemed to get closer to all six men, including Riley and Demar, on the evening or “truth” part of the date, but none more so than Zac, if by getting closer you mean making out in a hot tub. Zac got the date rose.

And then it was time for Ben and Ed’s Excellent Adventure.

You’ll recall that on last week‘s group date, the one that Noah crashed, Ben didn’t get to talk to Tayshia because he waited too long and ran out of time. Still brooding over that — and with Harrison’s advice that “Tayshia likes bold” to guide him — Ben went on a “secret mission” to Tayshia’s room.

And wouldn’t you know that Ed had the same bright idea, so we saw them both skulking through the resort on their way to Tayshia’s suite. It looked like Ed had beat Ben there; he knocked on the door, it opened . . . and there was Harrison in a sweatsuit saying, “It’s 2:30 in the morning. What are you doing?”

What Ed was doing was drinking red wine with Chris while Ben kissed and made up with Tayshia. Harrison eventually sent Ed on his way with directions. There was a knock on Tayshia’s door mid-smooch with Ben. Was it Ed? Nope, just a guy delivering champagne and strawberries. Ed never did find Tayshia’s suite, but he wasn’t too upset about it, describing his chat with Chris as “a great consolation.”

Noah with Tayshia when he still had what Bennett called “that terrible skidmark above his lip.”

By the time rose ceremony day rolled around, Ed was back to doing what he does best: complaining about other guys. This time it was Noah, whom Ed said was “a joke” and not there for the right reasons, blah, blah, blah. Bennett said Noah was too “juvenile” to end up with Tayshia.

That set the stage for Noah to whine to Tayshia about the heat he was getting from the other men over his fence-jumping, group date-crashing, moustache-shaving behaviour. “It’s been implied you gave me the rose just to shake things up,” Noah said, which was basically like waving a red flag in front of a bull.

To Tayshia, it went from the men taunting Noah because they think he’s a jerk — which seems pretty accurate — to the men questioning her integrity. She marched them all into a room and told them, “If you guys think that I’m just trying to start drama in the house for no reason, simply because I have a connection with some people, y’all need to grow up. If you’re gonna be questioning me, like, I’ll gladly walk you outside.” And that was the end of the cocktail party.

Noah fessed up that he was the reason for Tayshia’s bad mood and guess what? That just annoyed the other guys even more. “You ruined Tayshia’s night for your own glory,” Bennett said. More likely, he had some coaching from a helpful producer.

When rose time came, Ben, Eazy, Riley, Brendan, Bennett, Blake, Demar and Spencer all got roses along with Ed, leaving Kenny, Chasen, Jordan and Joe out in the cold.

Why did Tayshia give Ed a rose over nice, non-drama-causing Joe? No offence to her integrity, but I think I just answered my own question.

Next week, the animosity between Bennett and Noah ramps up, and Tayshia is not impressed.

“The Bachelorette” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? Come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

Bachelorette Tayshia gets some W’s. Spencer isn’t one of them

November 11, 2020 /
Tayshia Adams has her first group date on “The Bachelorette.” ALL PHOTOS: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Clare who?

Tayshia Adams began her reign Tuesday as the ABC franchise’s 17th Bachelorette — or should that be 16A? — and she was off to a generally stellar beginning.

If I can borrow a phrase from the man who has rocketed to the top of my villain list, Tayshia scored some “W’s.”

Except for one fellow — more on him later — the men left behind when Clare Crawley abruptly departed with new fiance Dale Moss were eager to switch their romantic aspirations to Tayshia and why wouldn’t they be? She came in like a ray of sunshine, announcing, “I’m Tayshia and I’m here for all of you.”

And damned if she didn’t back up those words with actions. When four new guys (who were reportedly alternates from Clare’s original group) were parachuted in — a nasty little trick by the producers to stir up crap with the 16 Clare castoffs — Tayshia cancelled the rose ceremony rather than make the original dudes feel worse by sending some of them home right away.

She seemed genuinely keen to learn as much as she could about as many of the men as she could. She even got me to look twice at a couple of guys who had flown completely under my radar, Zac and Brendan. And instead of making the losers in a group date competition forfeit any additional time with her, as usually happens, she let them return for the after-party.

So yes, Tayshia seems like an all-around class act, except . . . can we talk about the first impression rose recipient?

Tayshia Adams hands over the first impression rose to Spencer Robertson. Ugh.

She gave it to one of the new guys, Spencer, a 30-year-old water treatment engineer from San Diego.

My first impression? He’s a tool, a pretty tool perhaps (Tayshia described him as “hot, hot, hot, hot”), but a tool nonetheless.

After meeting Tayshia, Spencer greeted the 16 OGs, already rattled that a limo with who knows how many extra men had just pulled up, by asking, “So which one of you guys scared away Clare?” Ballsy maybe, also kind of a dick move.

Another red flag? His aggression during the group date splash ball game. It wasn’t Luke Parker body-slamming Luke Stone level physicality, but it exposed a certain preoccupation with winning — and cost him a bloody lip when Riley elbowed Spencer to get him off his back, connecting with Spencer’s mouth.

Spencer seemed nonplussed about the injury, although he managed to milk it for attention from Tayshia. After his team won the game, he said he was looking forward to more victories, particularly the group date rose, “the ultimate W.”

“I have a good reading on Tayshia, I’m feeling pretty confident in myself and I’ve got this in the bag,” Spencer declared, this after telling the other men that Tayshia was “the primary objective.”

Maybe it’s just Spencer getting the villain edit, but his comments were real clangers compared to the words of, say, Eazy, who talked about Tayshia making him feel smiley and giddy.

And no, Spencer didn’t get the “W.” The date rose went to Eazy, thank goodness.

In between the group date and Tayshia’s one-on-one with Brendan, there was a man overboard.

Jason confessed that he still had feelings for Clare and had to leave. And before you scoff, just remember that Dale ended up engaged to Clare after just two weeks, so who are we to say that Jason’s therapy one-on-one wasn’t a game-changer for him?

Tayshia was a bit less gracious about Jason’s departure than I would have expected, telling him she was sad that he was making one of her fears come true: that some of the guys would still be hung up on Clare. Given the rave reviews Tayshia had been getting up to that point it seemed like a pretty groundless fear — or perhaps just a little made-for-TV drama.

Brendan Morais, a potential front-runner after Tuesday, with Tayshia.

Tayshia’s spirits were restored by her one-on-one with Brendan, who told her she was more his type than Clare “in every single way.”

The limitations of being confined to La Quinta Resort for dates were comically exemplified by host Chris Harrison using a scooter to constantly intercept Tayshia and Brendan as they rode horses around the grounds, offering them margaritas, ice cream and coconut water. All Brendan wanted to do was kiss Tayshia, so he wasn’t digging the interruptions. He finally got his chance when he and Tayshia ditched the horses for a dip in the pool. Luckily, Harrison didn’t pop up like a Loch Ness TV host or something.

At dinner, Brendan and Tayshia bonded over the fact they had both married young and then divorced. Brendan explained that he’d fallen out of love with his high school sweetheart, particularly after learning she didn’t want children. Tayshia, whose college sweetheart spouse had cheated on her, was down with having kids; in fact, she said she wants five (!).

“I think I could marry him,” said Tayshia of Brendan. They ended the date with some very smoochy fireworks viewing.

That’s as far as we got in Tayshia’s “journey” since a chunk of the episode was eaten up by a Clare and Dale “tell-all.”

Clare Crawley and Dale Moss returned to La Quinta to talk to Chris Harrison.

What did they tell? Nothing particularly new or startling. They were still in love, still engaged. Clare cried — I know, shocker — talking about her late father and how he would be “so over the moon for me.” Asked by Harrison what’s next, Clare yelled, “Babies!” while Dale said they’d get married first, although I wouldn’t try to get between a 39-year-old woman and her biological clock if I was him.

The main point of the exercise seemed to be a chance for Harrison to confront the pair about whether they had communicated before they met on the show — because apparently it’s difficult for people to grasp the whole love at first sight thing.

Clare repeated what she’d already said: that she followed Dale on social media (along with some of the other men) and liked what she saw, but they never spoke, texted or otherwise made any contact, “on my dad’s grave.” Dale said the same. So yeah, I think that’s a no.

“I just wish people could be happy for me,” said Clare.

“Whether it took one day or 10 days, or two weeks or two years, this man makes me happy.”

Works for me.

Next week, it looks like the toxic masculinity is getting dialled up. There’s a wrestling date, there are medics called, new guy Noah does something that pisses everybody off, and Chasen and Ed get surly with each other. Oh and Wells Adams makes a guest appearance, but I’m not calling him toxic.

“The Bachelorette” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? Come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

On The Bachelorette, Clare only has eyes — and lips — for Dale

October 28, 2020 /
Yosef Aborady with Clare Crawley on Night 1 of “The Bachelorette.” PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

I guess in hindsight we should thank Yosef Aborady for being such a jerk. His tirade against Clare Crawley on “The Bachelorette” was about the only part of the episode that wasn’t about Clare’s obssession with Dale Moss.

Look, I hope Clare and Dale live happily ever after, I really do (and if you’ve been reading my recaps for a while, you know I avoid spoilers on purpose, so I have no idea if they’re still together or not), but I get why the guys not named Dale were so annoyed on Tuesday: we surpassed peak Dale and ran head on into Dale fatigue.

In weeks 1 and 2, Clare at least pretended to be interested in the other men; this week not so much.

She basically scuttled the first group date so she could gab to her friend, former Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas, about Dale. Then, the extended cocktail party she promised the disappointed men turned into an extended makeout session with Dale in Clare’s suite. On the one-on-one date, Clare was so disinterested she couldn’t be bothered to show up for dinner and got host Chris Harrison to send the guy home. And on the second group date, she grilled the men about their resentment of Dale then declined to give anyone a rose.

It looks like next week’s episode, airing Thursday instead of Tuesday because of the U.S. election, is when Clare will blow up “The Bachelorette” and that’s a good thing. Dale seems like a decent fellow (although I’m not convinced he’s as into Clare as she is him), but it’s time to change the channel to something besides “The Dale and Clare Show.”

Which reminds me, Yosef: the single dad decided to give Clare a piece of his mind over last week‘s strip dodgeball date. Not only was it “classless” and “distasteful,” it was an “atrocity,” he declared, which seems like a strong word for a bunch of guys showing their “man goodies,” but OK.

“I expected a lot more from the oldest Bachelorette that’s ever been. I can’t believe that occurred,” scolded Yosef. “You’re not setting the right example for my daughter. ” (Huh? You’re gonna let your 4-year-old daughter watch “The Bachelorette”?)

“I’m ashamed to be associated with you. I can’t believe I sacrificed so much to be here just to watch this distasteful and classless display,” blah, blah, blah.

And then Yosef, who should perhaps reflect on the definition of the word “classless,” told Clare she “sounded a little crazy” on the first group date when she chided the men for seeming more interested in hanging out with each other than with her. Oh boy.

Clare tried to interject and Yosef tried to talk over her: “Do not interrupt me … I’m not done yet.”

Oh, but he was.

“Do not ever talk to me like that,” said a furious Clare. “I never thought I would have to tell any man (other than Juan Pablo Galavis) I would never want them being the father of my child and I stand by that. I would never want my children having a father like you. Get out of here.”

Yosef went but not quietly. “I expected more from the oldest Bachelorette in history. Remember you’re almost 40,” he sniped as he walked away.

Perhaps Yosef should remember that he’s the father of a little girl and he just set the example of being completely disrespectful to a woman. I get it, the strip dodgeball was kind of skeevy, but the way he expressed his opinion about it was condescending and misogynistic, so good riddance to Yosef.

The encounter left Clare in tears and it was Dale to the rescue. He hugged and comforted her, told her he was sorry, that she didn’t deserve Yosef’s abuse, that Yosef was lying when he said the other men were trying to appease her. “I’m here to please you, how about that?”

Mission accomplished. “It’s not even the second rose ceremony yet and I’m so falling in love with Dale,” Clare said.

Anyway, Clare told Harrison she was too rattled to salvage the rest of the cocktail party and went straight to the rose ceremony, handing out another 14 (on top of the four we saw her give out last week).

For the remaining men, the botched evening was a sign of things to come.

I have no idea why DeAnna Pappas showed up in Clare’s suite the next day. Weren’t they all in a bubble? Did DeAnna really get multiple COVID-19 tests and quarantine for days just so she could listen to Clare gush about Dale and smell a pair of Dale’s pants? Yes, seriously, Clare and DeAnna both smelled a pair of Dale’s trousers that Clare kept after he ripped them on a group date.

The upshot was that Dale, Chasen, Jason, Jay, Eazy, Ed, Blake and Riley were kept waiting for hours for their date to begin, then Clare breezed in and told them they’d have a “really long cocktail party” that night instead. They didn’t realize the “really long” part referred to the time that Clare and Dale spent making out on her bed after he told the other men he wanted just five minutes with her. Who knows how long they would have stayed in there and what they would have got up to if Eazy hadn’t knocked on Clare’s door.

And then, with Clare being told by the producers she had to hurry her time with the rest of the men, Dale went back for seconds, interrupting Jay. Dale and Clare were up against a wall smooching and getting a little handsy when Chasen walked in.

The other guys were understandably pissed, especially after Dale got the date rose and tried to justify it by saying he was the “best man suited,” whatever that means.

Clare, admitting in her confessional she’d had to restrain herself from having sex with Dale the night before, went off for a one-on-one with Zach J. and, man, was it awkward. The couples pedicure was a bust and it was all downhill from there. After a swim, Clare leaned in for a kiss, but Zach didn’t meet her halfway, so Clare pulled back and then Zach made everything worse by grabbing Clare by the neck, twice, and trying to force a kiss on her. Clare said that made her feel “extremely uncomfortable” — gee, I can’t imagine why — so uncomfortable that she didn’t show up for dinner and it was up to Harrison to tell Zach he was going home.

Clare gets her turn at the Bachelorette Roast alongside Brendan, Joe, Bennett, Zac C, Demar, Ivan, Kenny, Jordan C and Ben. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

And then came the second group date, a roast presided over by comedian Margaret Cho. The guys all claimed to be sick of Dale, who was in the audience, but they made him the main target of their jokes. Did they really think that ridiculing him would change Clare’s mind? If so, I’ll just echo what Clare said: “Are you new here?”

Instead, the roast made Clare feel defensive about Dale and so later, as she chatted with Bennett and Brendan and Ben and Demar and Jordan and Joe and Ivan and Zac and Kenny, she asked each of them to explain why they made fun of Dale. She declined to give any of them a rose, declaring, “I did not get what I needed with you guys.”

That set the stage for next week’s big bang and for Tayshia Adams to take Clare’s spot as Bachelorette. There will be anger, there will be tears, there will be drama with a capital D.

I’m not certain if Citytv is airing it Nov. 5 or not, but it will definitely be on ABC at 8 p.m.

Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? Come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

On ‘The Bachelorette,’ all is bare in love and dodgeball

October 21, 2020 /
Clare and the “red team” after a game of strip dodgeball on Tuesday’s “The Bachelorette.”
You should see what the losers were wearing. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Welcome to “The Bachelorette,” the “naked edition.” If you want to be with Clare prepare to get bare: either your feelings or, in the immortal words of Demar, your “man goodies.”

Yep, it was that kind of night.

We started with Clare getting touchy feely with the fellows on a group date, segued to a one-on-one that was more of a therapy session and ended with another group date that must have used up a full season’s supply of ass-covering black bars.

Regardless of what happens with Dale Moss — don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about him — Clare Crawley is definitely blazing her own trail through her “Bachelorette” journey. I’m not sure we’ve seen a Bachelorette who cuts to the chase as quickly as she does.

When self-described “Italian stallion” Brandon couldn’t give Clare a reason for wanting to be with her other than “You’re so beautiful” Clare speedily gave him the boot. When she had to coax the guys on the first group date into asking for one-on-one time, she told them straight up, “You guys all want to hang out with each other you can do that and I can go home and go to bed.”

When Canadian dude Blake Moynes broke the rules (again!) by stealing alone time he wasn’t entitled to, Clare rewarded him with an early rose.

No doubt, we’ll soon see Blake disappointed along with everybody else as Clare and Dale get closer, but she at least made an effort with some of the other men, judging by this episode.

Things kicked off with a kind of cheesy group date about “love language.” Clearly, with everybody in quarantine at La Quinta Resort, we’re not going to see the wide-ranging and varied dates of the BP (before pandemic) era. So we had Riley, Jordan, Yosef, Ivan, Ben, Bennett, the two Zachs and Dale having to make lovey-dovey speeches to Clare, “Romeo and Juliet”-style, as she looked out a fake window.

Dale’s was the longest. To sum up, he told Clare he was committed to giving her everything he had, physically and emotionally. He started to make good on the physical part in an exercise in which Clare was blindfolded and each of the men, also blindfolded, had to touch her while the other dudes watched.

In theory, this was about regaining the touch that everyone had been deprived of in the COVID-19 pandemic; in reality, it was about stirring up jealousy as the men watched other guys getting handsy with Clare, none more so than Dale.

Clare and Dale get touchy-feely during the first group date. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Dale got to do a little more touching, and kissing, at the date cocktail party during which Clare confessed to Dale that her feelings for him scared her. But he didn’t get the date rose. It went to New York lawyer Riley, who also shared smooches with Clare and a “prom” slow dance (did somebody on production tip him off that Clare never went to her high school prom or what?).

The date also exposed a condescending attitude on Yosef’s part toward Clare. When Clare told the men they had hurt her feelings by not stepping up for alone time, Yosef — claiming to speak for all of them, which pissed Riley off — told her, “You’re crazy to think that we didn’t all come here for you.”

That doesn’t sound like love language to me.

On the one-on-one date, meanwhile, the language sounded more like therapy than love speak.

Clare warned former pro footballer Jason they would be sharing deep parts of themselves, which had Jason terrified. Clare, or more likely somebody on the production team, had discerned that Jason was using his sense of humour to compensate for a dark past, so during their evening together Clare and Jason did a little primal scream therapy, read inspirational letters to their younger selves, and busted slates covered in negative words that other people had used to describe them.

Clare, doing her best imitation of a therapist, got Jason to admit to witnessing unspecified painful things in his childhood, which he had kept hidden by pushing other people away and hooking up with multiple women — all of which Clare insisted didn’t scare her.

In one final bit of exorcism, Clare burned the dress she wore during the “Bachelor” finale in which she told Juan Pablo Galavis to get stuffed. It remains to be seen whether other garments will follow on other therapy dates, perhaps a “Bachelor in Paradise” bikini or a “Bachelor Winter Games” parka.

And then came the final group date, a.k.a. “Clare’s Extreme Dodgeball Bash,” a.k.a. “strip dodgeball.”

Because it wasn’t humiliating enough for the “blue team” of Blake, Kenny, Brendan, Garin and Demar to lose every game of dodgeball to the “red team” (Eazy, Brandon, Joe, Jay and Chasen) — thus forfeiting extra time with Clare — they had to walk back to their suite starkers or very nearly so. A couple of the guys kept their jock straps on; the rest just covered their bits with their hands.

“She might see my man goodies tonight,” Demar said prophetically before the game started. That she did and a few others besides. The date card said she wanted a man with some balls: I guess she wanted proof.

Blake Moynes during the dodgeball game, before he lost all his kit. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Anyway, Blake — belying the myth of the polite Canadian — got dressed, combed his beard and wandered over to where Clare was partying with the winners, interrupting Jay right in the middle of a scintillating story about wanting to open his own gym.

Clare let him hang out for a few minutes — despite Jay and the rest of the red team returning to stare him down — and told him she appreciated him coming but did some dodging of her own when Blake tried to kiss her.

The date rose went to Chasen, with whom Clare bonded over the fact they were both considered losers in high school.

We never got through the rose ceremony, probably because the inevitable blow-up with Yosef is being saved for next week. Yosef told the other men the strip dodgeball game was “classless” and that he was going to let Clare know his thoughts — because no doubt she’s just dying to hear them, as are we all.

We saw Blake get his rose and the kiss he’d been denied the night before, and then Clare pulled Dale away so they could talk and do some hot and heavy smooching; like, seriously, she looked like she wanted to devour him.

Next week, Yosef tells Clare he’s “ashamed to be associated” with her and it looks like resentment over Clare’s relationship with Dale will start to build.

“The Bachelorette” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? Come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

On a quarantine ‘Bachelorette’ Clare Crawley’s already smitten

October 14, 2020 /
Clare Crawley waits to meet the men on Night 1 of “The Bachelorette.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Welcome to the Bachelorette Bubble where you’ll get a swab up your nose and, if you’re lucky, a rose on your lapel.

Or is that unlucky — considering that any man not named Dale Moss appears to have zero chance with the oldest Bachelorette in franchise history (and yes, apparently we have to be reminded of that over and over and over again).

One thing that producers couldn’t keep quarantined at La Quinta Resort in California were all the stories about Clare Crawley walking out partway through the season to get with Dale, with “Bachelor” and “Bachelor in Paradise” fave Tayshia Adams replacing her as Bachelorette.

No, ABC hasn’t admitted that’s what’s going to happen — and if you thought they would on Night 1, what are you, new? — but it certainly was strongly hinted at in the promos.

And don’t forget Clare’s reaction after she first met Dale, a 31-year-old former pro football player. Seeming shaken, puffing out her breath after Dale left her to go inside, she said, “I definitely  feel like I just met my husband” — a pronouncement startling enough to bring host Chris Harrison over from wherever he hangs out as the limos empty of men to tell Clare that no one had ever said that at this stage before. But hey, here comes another limo, so snap out of it.

Clare Crawley with Dale Moss on Night 1 of “The Bachelorette,” the man she pegged
as her future husband. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Clare did her duty, chatting with as many of the men as she could manage before handing out 23 roses.

An early theme of the proceedings seemed to be congratulating Clare for being 39 years old — gasp — and still trying to bag herself a man instead of, you know, admitting her old maidenhood and retreating to a solitary life with her two dogs.

In the video call in which Harrison told Clare she’d been chosen as the Bachelorette he said that since she hadn’t given up on herself, “we feel it would be appropriate if we didn’t give up on you.”

Um, you don’t say.

We were reminded of Clare’s Bachelor history, including being runner-up on Juan Pablo Galavis’ season (ick) and a couple of unsuccessful forays on “Bachelor in Paradise.” Curiously, “Bachelor Winter Games,” after which she actually ended up engaged, however briefly, to Canadian food dude Benoit Beausejour-Savard, got left out entirely. Is that because Clare doesn’t consider Benoit one of the “jerks” from her past?

In a conversation in which Harrison dutifully pushed Clare’s buttons, getting her teary-eyed talking about her late father, Clare declared, “I’m here and I haven’t given up on love and I never will. Just by showing up it shows I still want it and I still deserve it,” as if that was actually a question.

It was time to bring on the 31 men. Instead of the usual “getting to know you” packages filmed in some of the standouts’ hometowns, we got footage of them in quarantine at La Quinta, some of it self-taped. Think solo chess games, jumping on the bed, bubble baths and masks, both the coronavirus and cosmetic kind (well, OK, only one guy applied a cosmetic mask). And I don’t know about you, but seeing those big guys’ eyes water after their COVID-19 tests (they had to take more than one to be cleared to meet Clare) made me hope I never have to take one myself.

I won’t bore you with all the men’s names because, let’s be honest, you’ll have forgotten most of them by the time the season ends.

Besides Dale, one of the interesting ones was Blake Moynes, a 29-year-old wildlife manager from Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. He broke the show’s rules (which is funny because rules get broken all the time if it adds to the drama) by contacting Clare during the quarantine. “It meant everything to me,” said Clare, tearing up, adding that she was struggling because her mother, who’s in a care home with Alzheimer’s, had just fallen and broken her nose.

Clare with Canadian competitor Blake Moynes. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Blake was rewarded with the first kiss (or at least, that’s how it was edited) but then watched in disappointment as Clare spirited away Dale to give him the first impression rose — and an even smoochier kiss.

Speaking of drama, West Virginia lawyer Tyler C. ratted out medical device salesman Yosef Aborady for allegedly creeping on some woman that Tyler knew on Instagram, but Clare believed Yosef when he said there was no substance to the accusation and sent Tyler home.

Clare mediates between Tyler C. and Yosef. PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Sounds like Clare might regret that since the word online is that Yosef said some nasty things to her that got him kicked out ahead of a future rose ceremony. We’ll see. To me, the single dad reeked of smarminess and cockiness, which you’d think somebody with all Clare’s experience would suss out right away.

Another potential villain was Bennett, who went to Harvard and said that when you tell people that, it’s described as dropping the “H-bomb.” No, really, he said that. He showed up to meet Clare in a Rolls-Royce and a tux with a white scarf draped around his neck.

Another guy wore a straitjacket, because he’d gone “a little crazy” waiting to meet Clare. There was a knight — in shining armour, get it? Someone wore a fake pregnancy belly in homage to Clare’s “Bachelor” entrance. Someone else wore a T-shirt with a photo of Clare’s dogs, which was good enough to earn a rose without any one-on-one time. There was a dude in a parachute because he’d “fallen” for her and another in a plastic bubble.

I’ll tell you what the men didn’t wear a lot of was ties and socks, lots of fellows baring their ankles. The best dressed had to be sports marketing agent Eazy in his salmon suit, although I couldn’t help but notice when he made his entrance by bursting through a poster that read “Your Future Husband” he seemed to smile at the camera before he smiled at Clare.

Anyway, hold those thoughts. It sounds like in just a few short weeks, the drama is going to be all about Clare blowing up “The Bachelorette,” as Harrison put it. Stay tuned.

“The Bachelorette” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Citytv. Feel like chatting about “Bachelorette”? Come visit my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter @realityeo

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